Newspaper Page Text
Southern Voice/April 11, 1991
27
KEEP REFRIGERATED
Disii
there's a fine line between telling the truth and talking trash
Headline of the Week: From a recent issue of
Chicago's Outlines : "Navy man struggles with gay-relat
ed discharge." Dish knew that queers in the service of
Uncle Sam had problems with secrecy, but we never
thought secretions were also an issue of concern. We
demand a Congressional investigation.
Will Maynard Win?: Those yuk-a-minute folks at the
Atlanta History Center have announced a lying contest at
the upcoming Atlanta Storytelling Festival. Aspirants
have been asked to submit audio taped versions of their
prevarications (2-3 minutes, please—more than three and
your lie gets 86'd) to Lying Contest, Atlanta History
Center, 3101 Andrews Drive, Atlanta, GA 30305 before
April 26. Authors of the ten best whoppers will get to tell
their stories at the festival on Sat. May 4. A winner will
be chosen by "four prominent Atlanta authors." Dish
believes that M. Jackson could win hands down with his
campaign promise, "I will never, never, never, never let
you down." But we doubt he'll enter.
All the News?: Last Thursday's N.Y. Times (whose
masthead motto is "All the News That's Fit to Print") fea
tured an extensive article on "When Reluctant Parents
Allow Dating to Extend to the Bedroom." which exam
ined the issues of parents who allow their kids to make
love in the privacy of their very own home. The concept
sounds pretty cool to Dish—certainly it should help fos
ter those family values, lack of which seems to be such a
bother to so many in our society. But the parents who
interviewed were so nervous that none would let their
names be used. And (couldn't you have guessed?) no par
ents of lesbian or gay kids were included. No surprise
that, we suppose. And no surprise either that the J/C ran
only a very condensed version of the same piece after (in
recent weeks) giving up space to two good-sized stories
on the pros and cons of having sex while driving in your
car.
Which Twin is the Homo?: Has anyone else spotted the
(very obvious) dyke in those otherwise slightly nauseating
ads for the (color-coded) Redmond family's "Aussie" hair
care products running in People Magazine? (See photo)
Well Dish has. And wishes we could point her out. But you
know how we feel about outing. Dish wonders if we are the
only queer in town that that regularly scans the pages of
such mags looking for the obvious homos. Surely not.
Not Guilty?: A jury in Ft. Lauderdale—the S. Florida
resort made famous by Connie Francis' immortal "Where
the Boys Are"—has dealt a cruel blow to one of its male
residents, Robert Martinique. Said jury ruled that Robert's
doctor did not botch a 1987 penile implant despite the
fact(s) that M. Martinique's member tilted at a precarious 90
degree angle after the operation and that a doctor warned it
might explode if he tried to have sex.
A "Fruitful" Meeting: Dish is confused. It seems that
Big Apple Mayor David Dinkins met with that city's
infamous homophobe John Cardinal O'Connor a couple
of days after Mayor D. had marched with Irish queers in
the St. Paddy's day parade—a move, we have heard,
which did not make for much joy with the most holy
J.C.O'C. Dinkins called the meeting "fruitful," which we
first took as kind of lavender code for "I didn't back
down." But then he went on to say, "I think that there's
recognition on the party of the city (dontcha' love that
third person stuff) that we need the assistance of all not-
for-profit groups, especially the Catholic Church." That
doesn't sound good to us.
Cruise Questions?: The good news for afficionados
of cruising (on yachts, steamships and other assorted ves
sels) is that Beth Witters of Exclusively Cruises now
hosts a call-in program on WGST (640 on your AM dial)
wherein she will be pleased to answer any of your ques
tions about excursions on the bounding main. It's called
the Travel Show and it happens every Sunday from 3-
5pm. Check it out.
Fundamental Frenzy: After enduring the unpleasant
ness of one Mr. Cohen in his attempts to convert homos
to heteros at Ga. State last Thursday (see page 2), Dish
whisked her tired bush to the top of the Peachtree Plaza
Hotel for a glass of gin and a large steak. (Actually Dish,
who is oh-so PC, ordered fish and fizzy water; mom and
dad, in town from Ypsilanti, had steer and spirits—the
steaks were far better.) Just as we were ordering our sec
ond round of drinks, another patron wandered over and
demanded of our waitron. "Have you been saved?" and
began spouting biblical B.S. The waitron handled the
bully with aplomb, but Dish (and her folks who happen
to be card carrying Christians) did not do so well with
the invasion of their space. Look for an upcoming work
shop from the Dish Clan on converting zealots to mush
room quiche.
April 11 - April 24
Ruling Planets
Illustrations by Liza Gollobith
by Mary Bailey-Rule
The New Moon, which is a good time for new projects, occurs on April 14 and the Sun enters the fixed earth sign of Taurus on April 20, so Happy Birthday, Taurus.
ARIES-Happy Birthday! Mercury and the
Sun are in your 1st house of personal aware
ness and identity providing
energy for new projects and
activities. However, with
Mercury retrograde it is a good
idea to go slow with contracts.
1
TAURUS-Happy Birthday beginning on the
20th! This is your time of year, so with the
Sun in your 1st house of per
sonal awareness and influence,
throw off any cares or worries
and let your light shine. Have
a wonderful time!
GEMINI-Venus in your 1st house of per
sonality and appearance gives numerous
opportunities for insight into
your finer qualities and a much
better understanding of gifts
and difficulties you bring to a
relationship.
CANCER-Mars has just entered your 1st
house of personal appearance and awareness,
fueling your need for physical
activity, self-expression and a
more assertive approach to
life. Take pride in your gifts
and abilities.
LEO-With Mars moving from your 1st
house to 2nd house of material resources and
personal finances, this is a
good time to focus on income,
investments and putting more
energy into projects and activ
ities you really value.
VIRGO-Mars is moving through your lllh
house of networking, business associates and
community affiliations, open
ing doors for you and creating
opportunities to make new
friends and contribute to the
well-being of others.
LIBRA-As Venus moves through your 9th
house of metaphysics, higher learning and
travel, you may need to
stretch out a little by doing
something beyond your nor
mal sphere of experience.
New perspectives are healthy.
SCORPIO-As the Sun moves into your 7th
house of close personal relationships, you
may have greater insight or
understanding about the spe
cial people in your life.
Reserve judgement, but keep
your eyes and ears open.
SAGITTARIUS-As Venus enters your 7th
house of close personal relationships, you
may discover wonderful
things about long-time friends
and partners that you hadn't
noticed. Also potential good
friends may cross your path.
CAPRICORN-Mars has just moved into
your 7th house of close personal relation
ships with the potential to
really warm things up. Be
prepared to deal with possibly
intense or even volatile situa
tions by keeping your cool.
AQUARIUS-Uranus and Neptune are still
stirring things up in your 12th house of the
unconscious and unknown, so
be prepared for useful person
al insights, and unexpected
situations developing in close
personal relationships.
PISCES-Mars has entered your 5th house of
creative, playful and passionate energy, mak
ing this a wonderful time for
expression, finding new ways
to play and exploring the
world of imagination. Have a
wonderful time!
Mary Bailey-Rule is a professional astrologer specializing in birth chart analysis, relationship chart and astrological career counseling. For more insights about your sign, call 264-6219.
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