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The following vivid description of
a ladv is said to be from the pen of
Sir Fletcher, author of the “ Political
Horse Rcae. It is certainly a master
ly production, and partakes as much
of originality as “ the horse race, but
we think the picture entirely over
charged on one side of the present ad
ministration. Mr. Monroe is charg
ed with faults of which he was by no
means the sole author.
From Ihe Nashrillr Whiz-
THE PRESIDENCY.
Jpi account of a singular woman, u'ho
according to the lairs of the country,
is entitled to anew husband every
four i/ears : with some remarks as
‘in her past audpresent condition :
IN A LETTER FROM A TRAVELLER.
My Dear Sir—lt was my fortune
during my recent travels in the New
World, to become acquainted with a
lady, whose character is so singular
that I am induced to believe some ac
count of her will not be uninteresting
to you ; and that you may the better
understand it, 1 will give you a de
tailed statement of her origin and his
tory, as communicated to me. She is
the daughter cf an old lady, who has
for a long time past resided in the
Isle of Albion. Iler mother was pos
sessed of a neat little farm,well stock
ed, anil entirely adequate to the sup
port of a family of moderate size.—
Hut her family had greatly increased
in numbers ; she had become involved
in debt ; her grounds too were much
worn and exhausted, and, added to
this, there were frequent and violent
dissentiona in the family circle, on the
subject of religion. Under these cir
cumstances, the old lady being pos
sessed of new and uncultivated lands
in various parts of the world, settled
her children thereon, reserving to her
self the/pc simple in the estate. It
was the lot of the dangler, who is
the subject of this article, to be placed
on an extensive domain with a rich
and fertile soil, chequered by mighty
rivers and bounded by the ocean's
roar, and yet, curious as it may ap
pear, the temperature of every varied
dime prevails. Hut as a drawback
upon these fair prospects she had a sa
vage set of neighbors, who had a claim
to the soil, and a strife arising be
tween them and the new comers,great
ly retarded the opening and clearing
of the lands. In time, however, and
almost wholly unaided by the mother,
this daughter cleared extensive wilds
and cultivated vast fields ; she built
towns and cities, and made some pro
gress in manufacturing, and opened a
considerable traffic with distant neigh
bors. —When her prospects had thus
ripened, the old lady seeing her in so
thriving s condition, began to demand
a portion of her income, for the sup
port of the labourers who worked and
managed her own farm. This the
daughter refused to grant, alleging
that her mother's servants were lazy,
indolent spendthrifts, who ought to
support themselves. This and other
similar causes of dispute, brought the
parties into collision ; and finally at
a Tia Party in Boston, they came to
open hostilities. It was truly an un
natural sight to witness a daughter ar
rayed against a mother, but there was
no help for it ; for the mother sought
to i ule the daughter, (who had now ar
rived at the age of maturity) with an
iron rod. They came to blows—a fu
rious scuffle ensued, long, arduous and
bloody. The daughter had acquit ed
many friends in various parts, and the
mother had by her oveibearing dispo
sition made many enemies ; these
joined in the affray on the part of the
daughter, (who had already given the
old lady some severe cuffs) and the
result was that she was severely beat
en, cried out for quarters and yielded
all pretensions to any part of the rents
as well as to the lands themselves.—
The daughter having thus acquired
the absolute control over the exten
sive domains which she had wrested
from the savage wilderness, began to
arrange a plan for the government of
her estates, and the regulating the in
ternal affairs of her numerous tenant
ry. In the prosecution of tins plan,
siie proclaimed to her tenants, that on
a certain day she would take from
amongst them, a husband and a help
mate ; (and here let me inform you,
that although she is but forty-eight
years of age, she has had no less than
live husbands !! and is now in search
of a sixth!
She is a woman of many singulari
ties, but in noting so whimsical as in
the selection and disposition of her
husband. She takes not upon herself
the management of her estate, but del
egates that trust to her husband ; but
wayward creature! she will cling to
no husband longer than eight years !
no matter what excellencies he may
possess: ami so fond is she of variety
that she sometimes discards her swain
at the end of the fourth year of her
marriage ! Still she cannot be charg
ed with always being directed by ca
price, for at heart she has a fondness
for her and it is due to her to
state, that at least one of her husbands
did most grievously harass and op
press her people; and him she dis
carded at the end of the fourth year,
to the great joy of her tenants.
AN hen the marriage knot is once tied
she interferes not in the direction ol
her affairs, but trusts implicitly to the
’ skill of her lord, giving up every thing
! to his discretion, holding him, howev
er, strictly accountable at the day of
retribution. She gives her husband a
stipend for his support, which she will
in no wise increase during his term ol
service, no matter what her fondness
for him may be.
She reserves to herself the title to
the lands; and the personal goods,al
though they may come into his pos
session during coverture, still belong
to her. To a good husband she is
kind and affectionate, but to one who
pleases her not, she is a very spit-fire!
Yet notwithstanding his misrule, (un
less it be a flagrant outrage upon her
honor,) she dismisses him not, but re
gulaily orders her Treasurer to pay
him his quarterly salary, until the
first four years expire ; but then such
an uproar does she raise about Iris
head, the very Air seems to be dark
ened with her invectives ; for she es
tablishes printing presses through all
her fields, and the old women who
who work them,blacken him with the
most aggravating abuse.
The lady is a comely, w'ell propor
tioned dame, “ever fair and ever
young,” and like England’s Ring,
“ she never diesher countenance
is more strikingly marked with come
liness than beauty ; her education is
rather of substantial than of a refined
character; she has no great liking for
the muses, and is much fonder of ap
ple dumplings than of poetry; she pre
fers the silver sounds of a redundant
treasury, to the softest notes of the
flute or* violin—She manages the han
dle of the plough with more grace than
she does the pencil of the painter; she
is the friend of commerce, and has
made some advances in the fine arts,
but is still more fascinated w ith the
utility of a hobnail, thaw with the
beauty of a most exquisite sculpture ;
agricultue and manufactures she cher
ishes, but I fear she is becoming too
fond of the pomp and circumstance of
war;she has lately manifested a year
ning after gewgaws and various ex
travagancies, the concomitants of
wealth. Economy, a sober demure
old dame, who used to be her fille de
chambre, has been dismissed her ser
vice, and a high bred maid, Yclept
Extravagance, now attends in her
stead. The former used to dress her
mistress in the woofs of one dame
Homespun, but the latter bedecks her
in the fantastic frippery of the Eastern
world. Ilcr household furniture,
which in other times more happy than
the present, was the handy work of
her young tenantry, is now selected
in the foreign magazines of fashion, to
the great mortification of her people,
and the manifest discouragement of
of her native genius. The plain pew
ter tea and dinner services which that
thrifty old dame Mistress Homespun,
used to scour into such brightness, has
been discarded, and massive piles of
richly wrought plate, purchased in its
stead. Her habitation, which was
once neat and comfortable, lias been
changed for a palace, that would put
the abodes of princes to blush, and
she lias established in her court such
ridiculous and vexatious ceremonies,
tlmt she has almost frightened away
her old and trusty friends. Awkward
and rustic in her manners, ’tis truly
laughable to sec her decked out in her
gaudy attire, playing off'her apings of
royalty, practising her high life below
stairs. Such proceedings deeply
wound the hearts of her real friends,
and would she listen to their admo
nitions instead of the fulsome flattery,
of the Aviating atoms that buzz about
the palace, she might yet regain her
former standing, and become again an
honest woman. Her mode of select
ing a husband, which is so eccentric, I
will now proceed to point out. —About
a year before the time arrrives at
which she intends to discard her then
husband, she signifies this her inten
tion to her people, & they immediately
set about selecting candidates for her
lair hand. Any member of her com
munity may propose a candidate, and
indeed any one, no matter how low
his station, (provided he has been
born in her domains) may aspire to
her preference. .So soon as her deter
mination is made known, (her desire
to acquire anew husband,) a wonder
ful bustle ensues throughout the whole
estate. Every one is busy in promo
ting his own suit, or in furthering the
pretensions of some favorite candid
ate, (who lias promised hundreds of
leases at very moderate rates) and ev
er and anon they bespatter some op
posing candidate with the filth of the
ioulest kennels. The brotherly love
which but recently warmed the hearts 1
ol the tenantry the one towards the I
other, now gives way to the most an- I
my ami infuriate passions ; business i
of every description is neglected, and
men, women, and children are seen
lunning io every direction, gathering
at cross toads, blacksmith shops, tav
erns, and market houses, raving and
talking of nothing but the election. —
The candidates in the mean time are
bribing the political jugglers of the
demesne, so to metamorphose them,
that the heart of the fair Adiitress may
yield to their superior attractions. —
Beds of jProcustos are fixed in every
village, on which the friends of a can
didate throw him ; and if his body ex
ceeds the desired length, he i forth
with hewed down to the standard di
mensions ; but if found too short for
the bed of measure, they forthwith
stretch him to the proposed point —
inerev on us ! how 1 have seen the di
mensions of a pigmy magnified !
There is then tor a time an end to
eating and drinking, working and
playing, even the women for a time
forget the ordinary scandal of the tea
table and drawing room, and flourish
in the arena of political gladiators !
‘- No more the farmer’s news, iiie barber’s
tale, [vail
No more the Woodman's ballad must pre-
N'o more the smith his dusky brow shall
clear, [hear.
■Relax his ponderous ctremihth and learn to
The host himself no longer shall be found.
Careful to see the mantling bliss go round :
Nor the coy maid, half willing to be press’d,
Shall kiss the cop and hand it to the rest. ’
Every thing yields and gives jlace
to this lady’s choice! the lady’s choice!
Hut even uproar itself must have re
pose ; and a short time before the day
of choice conies, a noiseless calm en
sues. When the day of election ar
rives, thev who mean to contest for the
prize, present themselves before the
fair one, and in good set phrases,
trumpet forth their respective merits
—and he to whom she awards the
prize, “ she takes for husband for good
and for bad—for better and for worse
in sickness and in health,” (not
however, until death shall part, but for
the space of four short years ! )
Yet she is not bound to make this
choice, and may, if she pleases, reject
all who present themselves; but she is
still in the end, (for such is the law)
compelled to take unto her bed one of
the three whom she shall most ap
prove. If she makes no choice, but
perversely rejects, all, a Congress of
old fYomen, selected from amongst the
various farm-houses of the tenantry,
gather themselves together, in some
general position, and there select from
amongst the most favored three a hus
band for the lady; and do actually
forthwith force her into a solemniza
tion of the rites of matrimony.—Hut
she generally chooses for herself ; for
although all may be in some respect
objectionable, she prefers making one
of them indebted immediately to her
self for the bounty, than to the con
venticle of old women ; and indeed
there is much prudence in this reso
lution, for those old dames do some
times barter their votes to the aspi
rants, ami a few ounces of tea, ami a
little refined loaf in hand, with the
promise ot an additional supply occa
sionally, work wonders : and the pro
mise of promotion—an office in some
one of the dairy’s of the farm and such
little appendages are not lost upon
these sage calculating matrons.
The choice being made, on a sub
sequent day. all those old women of
Congress'assemble in the great church
and as many others too as can crowd
themselves into it, after the privileged
gabblers are comfortably seated) when
the himenial knot is tied by the high
Priest, in the presence of the assemb
lage. This part of the ceremony is
short—The Bridegroom elect swears
that he will honestly manage the la
dy’s concerns according to the best of
his judgment, (which means, lliaj he
will manage the estate just as lie
pleasesj kisses the bride, and rattles
away in a set speech about his de
votion to his wife and her interests
—mere common place stuff which no
one regards or attends to. Tin? cer
emonies of the day are wound up with
a grand dance at the palace, where
the friends of the Hold elect join in
the festivities of the night, and where
too, others lute friends of the discom
fitted rivals attend, obsequiously to
give in their adhesion to “ the pow ers
that be,” the better to enable them to
fish for the appointments which quick
ly succeed the inauguration.
Thus much for the lady’s liymen
ial phantasies. For one who lias often
embarked on hymen’s voyage, she has
been exceedingly fortunate. Her first
husband, “ take him all and all, she
will never look upon his like again.”
Her second was a well meaning man
in his younger days, but strange phan
tasies possessed Inin in the decline of
life, and she quickly discharged him.
The third was a thriving thrifty
manager, (a little too much given to
star-gazing,) who directed her affairs
with great ability. Her fourth lord
was a good, quiet sort of a husband, |
but he must needs go a wan ing with <
his neighbors, and a disastrous time I
he had"of it —but he had about him— ‘
some sturdy faithful servants, who in <
in the end sorely drubbed his enemies I
she endured him some eight years,
and upon the w hole, lie was a fond
and loving husband. The present in
cumbent, her fifth choice, relinquishes
the guidance of her affairs in about a
twelve onth, when a successor has
to be chosen. The fact is, he is rath
er a feeble old man, and has become
in some degree tired of the cares ot
the estates; and has collected around
him, a trio, who promised to assist
him in t lie vocations of his office ; but
the truth is, they began forthwith to
make love with the lady in anticipa
tion of the electionday ; and they have
waged their assiduities with such
w armth and earnestness, that his house
has become the abode of strife. Io
one of these helpers lie gave in charge
the monied concerns ot the domain ;
to another the management of all his
controversies with liis neighbors, and
to the third the feeding and clothing
of his bruisers. Previous to the mar
riage of the lady, and the present in
cumbent, he ot the Treasury, had paid
his devoirs at her shrine, and it is said
that he yielded to the present lord
the hand of the fair arbitress at the
very moment when she had extended
it to him, for his acceptance! an ex
traordinary instance in these degene
rate days of magnanimity ! w orthy ot
the most courteous knight, in the most
splendid days of chivalry.
The predecessor of the present in
cumbent, had left the affairs of the
estate in much confusion; his quarrel
with his neighbor had entailed upon it
a considerable portion of the debts.
The present lord has, however, suc
ceeded in paying off a large portion of
those debts, and has put a stop to the
present exactions by way of contribu
tions, which his predecessor had en
forced. —His predecessor had also
placed large sums ot money in the
hands of his subalterns to be disburs
ed for his benefit, which however,they
had applied to their own uses ; these
funds he lias forced most of them to
disgorge. He has also adopted some
friendly arrangements with his neigh
bors in relation to the mutual traffick
ing of their tenants ; and he has built
some strong fences round about
his large settlements, the better to
keep off marauders—he has done
much towards reconciling the turbu
lent spirits of the domain, and he has
moreover put afloat some strong arm
ed boats, designed for the'protection
of his trading people,—Yet there are
those who complain of his administra
tion. He sold a good deal of the w ild
lands of the estate, and so regulated
the terms that the rich only could be
come the purchasers, to the exclusion
of the poor; and to enable them sub
sequently to acquire vast profits by
re-selling to the poor, he greatly les
sened the prices which they had con
tracted to give. —It is said the lady
was wrath at this, though she said no
thing. But there was another class
who raised the cry of distress, to
whose prayers he has always turned a
deaf ear—l mean the bankrupts
they desired relief, not for specula
tions, but from actual want and pre
sent misery. This class of the com
munity in the days of their prosperity
had furnished immense revenues to
the estate —had kept the tax gatherer
from the farm doors, and although now
encompassed by misfortune, to all
their appeals he has been silent! To
the pirate and the murderer he has
extended mercy, but for even the hon
est bankrupt he has no compassion.—
One Bon Unis cheated him out of a
fine tract of land after a long and te
dious negociation, but bv way of apo
logy for him, his friends say, that the
feuds ofliis gallants had so distracted
his brain, that he was at that time non
compos. lie is moreover obstinately
opposed to cutting ditches and laying
oft"roads through the estate, ami in
deed, to do so, he has absolutely re
fused, to the great inconvenience of
the tenantry.—Being a good matured
hind-hearted man, he is easily persua
ded to give places to persons very in
adequate to the discharge of the du
ties committed to them. He always
had a striking prediction, for the old
women ol Congress, upon whom he
has often lavished appointments, to
the exclusion of others much better
qualified to discharge them. A tack
of rigid enforcement of his martial
rights, has caused much turmoil in the
palace. The candidates lately pay
court to the lady in his very presence,
whilst their notorions intrigues are the
common theme of the community! It
was thought by some that the lailV’s
former predictions for the Treasury
man would have excluded him from
his counsels, hut honest aud unsuspi
cious himself, he suspected nothing
improper in others. The old women,
seeing how matters are conducted,
have formed themselves into factious
dtvoting themselves to the interests of
lone or the other of the riavls, to the
exclusion of all SpinniAg an 4 *
by reason of which the tetrawtay
become nearly naked. For tV *: ’
of quiet and repose, the
frequently taker) long jottrM** so,
most distant farms, as a sort vt>
from his domestic treabktv. Xti\
little while, and he will fiml
the tempest which now
blows about him. ‘
In addition to the abovewawnejJ eaK>
didates, there are two ouhe**,
the order of the method 1 have ptur*-, j
would not sooner allow mt h
upon the carpet. 3
The first whom I shall n
the man who presides over
men of Congress, when in
assembled; it is his bus-ine , *
them steadily at work, arcs! to cijjt
out their daily labor. They soasefimtj
become so garrulous and obsletpertiß*
that it requires a tight rein forest,,,
their disorderly propensities, ams 4
free, yet delicate use of the t
bring them to a proper sense of <j e .
corum. The others a man of * Jr t
\Vh en his country is beset with diffj.
culties, he boldly sets forth, cuts tire
cords that bind her, frees her from her
troubles, and again retires into that
post of honor, a private station ! R
said that the overseer of the fighting
department, is a young man of charm
ing temper, of great vivacity,and upon
the w hole is adorned with a great deni
of juvenile cleverness. But it is tho’t
the lady is too far advanced in life,to
unite herself to one so inferior to her
in years, lie can boast of no particu
lar services done to the estate, and it
is thought he rather presses the mat
ter too far, lie asks the lady to take
,‘ the will for the deed,” a sort of as
surance to which the ladies are mainly
averse.
The Man of war it is affirmed, does
not vehemently press Jhis suit, but has
signified, that his services can be had
if required. He boasts not of his ex
perience in the management of the
civil concerns of the estate for in his
youth and old age, he was a soldier;
and the interim was spent chiefly
in the guidance of his private affairs.
It will be remembered that the lady's
fourth husband became involved ini
war with a powerful neighbor for
which sport he was once illy fitted,
and that his neighbor did frequently
most cruelly belabor him. His ser
vants, one after ‘another went to his
relief, but to no purpose, for the enemy
being of huge strength, was equal to
wonderful effor ts—at length the ene
my came over in great strength, aud
was on the verry point of taking from
him one of his best farms; having
previously burnt the lady’s palace am
her principal barns. The man of war
could hear this no longer—he girder
on his armour sallied forth, met the
enemy and pounded him so effectual
ly’, that even “ burnt brandy” as the
saying is, “ could not save him !” and
ever since that time, the whole tenant
ry look upon this man as a main stay
in the hour of trial. The marauding
savage he lias likewise pursued to bis
den, and there chastised him.
The mau w ho presides over the moe
ied department,sprung from the hum
blest walks in life , his cradle was
rocked in the plowman’s hut; the har
dy yeomen of the estate were tut
companions ofliis childhood ; in tiie
pure walks of humble mediocrity did
he tread ; poor, friendless, self taught,
when bursting into manhood he vtf
thrown upon the great theatre of life
to grope ids way, unaided by the weal
thy unnoticed by the powerful; h ,r
to no one, lie stood alone, honesty
his guide, industry for his resourcc.-
llis talents brought upon him the m*
tice of the present incumbent, an<l fie
was taken into his service. Tk*
monied concerns of tire estate being
in great disorder, the management
of that branch of its affairs was entrust’
ed to him. He w ithstood the torrents
of a paper money w hich nearly de
luged the domain, and substituted I* I ’’
precious metals in its stead. It “ a>
he who enabled the present lord t*
pay off the heavy debt which
grievously harrassed the estate,
that too, at the very time that l> e
an end to all exactions. He has fv
tablislicd some excellent regulation*
in relation to trade, and dom e: .‘r
manufactures, by which com® erfll ,
intercourse with the neighbors ‘ 1 ’
been increased, and at the same t |Uie
home made fabricks are edu!o uS
nursed. By these means he has te ’
conciletl the interests of twoj* 3 ° u
branches of the estate; for wl>*‘ st
undue preference has been g| vcll ,.
the one, the other is led along into
rapid stream of prosperity. Econo ■.
in the disbursement of public
is that with which his enemies, c ' :u ['■
reproach him, and it is very ’
that where extravagance grows lu '.
riously, it is his habit sans cel< T°jjy
to strike at its roots. It was
through his instrumentality th a *. (e
ranks of the trained bruisers in
of peace were thinned. It 18
too to his assiduity that the d e j aU j
for public money have been dro-e j
to tlie bar of account —He bn* F u