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NEWS & PLANTERS’ GAZETTE.
D. O. COTTIMft, J Editor.
So. 42.—NEW SERIES.]
NEWS & PLANTERS GAZETTE.
ions:
Published weekly at Three Dollars per annum,
if paid at the time of subscribing; or Three
Dollars and Fifty Cents, if not paid till the expi
ration of six months.
No paper to be discontinued, unless at the
option of the Editor, without the settlement of all
arrearages.
IT Letters, on business, must he post paid, to
insure attention. No communication shall be
publishedunless we arc made acquainted with the
name of the author.
TO ADVERTISERS.
Advertisements, not exceeding one square, first
insertion, Seventy-five Cents; and for each sub
sequent insertion, Fifty Cents. A reduction will
be made of twenty-five per cent, to those who
advertise by the year. Advertisements not
limited when handed in, will be inserted till for
bid, and charged accordingly.
Sales of Land and Negroes by Executors, Ad
ministrators, and Guardians, are required by law,
to be advertised, in a public Gazette, sixty days
previous to the day of sale.
The sales of Personal Property must be adver
tised in like manner , forty days.
Notice to Debtors and Creditors of an Estate
must be published forty days.
Notice that application will be made to the j
Court of Ordinary, for leave to sell Land or Ne
groes, must be published weekly for four months;
notice that application will be made for Letters of
Administration, must be published thirty days;
and Letters of Dismission, six months.
AGENTS.
THE FOLLOWING GENTLEMEN WILL FORWARD THE
NAMES OF ANY WHO MAY WISH TO SUBSCRIBE :
J. T. <)• G. 11. Wooten,!A. D. Sla/.ham,D anburg,
Mallorysville, B. F. Talom, Lincoln-
Felix G. Edwards, Pe- ton,
tersburg, Elbert, O. A. Lacked, Crawford-
Gen. Grier, Raytown, ville,
Taliaferro, ‘ W. Davenport, Lexkig-
James Bell, Powelton, ton,
Hancock, .S'. J. Bush, Irwington,
Wm. B. Nelms, Elber- Wilkinson,
ton, Dr. Cain, Cambridge,
John A. Simmons, Go- Abbeville District,
shen, Lincoln, South Carolina.
Mail Arrangements.
POST OFFICE, )
Washington, Ga., January, 1841. $
AUGUSTA MAIL.
ARRIVES.
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at <>, A. M.
CLOSES-
Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, at 12, M.
MILLEDGE VILLE MAIL.
ARRIVES.
Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 8, A. M.
CLOSES.
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 11, A. M.
CAROLINA MAIL.
ARRIVES.
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 11, A. M.
CLOSES.
Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 8, A. M.
ATHENS MAIL.
ARRIVES.
Sunday and Wednesday, at 9, A. M.
CLOSES.
Sunday and Wednesday, at 9, A. M.
ELBERTON MAIL.
ARRIVES. CLOSES.
Thursday, at 8, P. M. | Thursday, at 8, P. M.
LINCOLNTON MAIL.
ARRIVES. CLOSES.
Friday, at 12, M. | Friday, at 12, M.
COTTING & BUTLER,
ATTORNIES,
HAVE taken an OFFICE over Cozart &
Woods Store.
March 11,1841. 28
WASHINGTON
Female Seminary .
The second Term in the Seminary commen
ces on the first. Monday in July, and ends on the
last Friday in November. The months of June
and December, are months of vacation.
E. M. BURTON, Secretary.
May 37, 1341 3t 39
Caution !
\ LL persons are cautioned against trading for
/V any Notes given by me and payable to
Lawrence & I’eteet, as the payment of some of
said notes will be litigated, and all persons now
holding any such Notes are requested to inform
me thereof. FRANCIS T. \A ILLIS.
June 10,1841. 1-
• Votive*
ON the first day of September next, will be
oll’ered for sale, a Life Interest in the Tract
of LAND containing 060 Acres, in Lincoln coun
ty, on the Road from Washington to Augusta,
between J. Mabry’s and Raysville. One hall ol
the purchase money payable next Christmas, and
the other half one year thereafter. The sale to
take place on the premises.
FRANCIS GIDEON.
June 10, 1811. eow td 41
IjHJUR months after date application will be
made to the Honorable the Inferior Court of
Lincoln county, while sitting as a Court of Ordi
nary, for leave to sell a Tract of Land, known as
the Walton tract, belonging to the Estate of
\Vm. Parks, late of said countv, deceased.
WILLIAM M. LAMBKIN, Ex’r.
June 3, 1841. m4m 40
T7Vl(J‘i months after date, application will be
JP ,lfaße to the Honorable the Inferior Court
a Wilkes county, while sitting as a Court of
Jrdinankfor leave to sell a Negro man by the
L name of flaron, and the remaining part of the
n personal property of Benedictine Crews, late of
[A -aid county, deceased, for the benefit of the heirs
Iffy ad creditors.
r ‘ ELIZA MANKIN, Adm’x.
June 3,1841. witlrtlJb. will annexed.
NEW GOODS.
rpilE Subscriber has just received from New
JL York and Charleston, a splendid assort
ment of
Fancy fr Staple Dry
GOO IIS,
ADAPTED TO THE PRESENT SEASON.
Also, he lias on hand, anew supply of
Hardware, Cutlery,
Crockery, Saddles, Bri
dles, Shoes, llats,
Drugs and Medicines,
Bonnets,
Factory Yarn & Cloth,
And a General Assortment of GOODS usually
kept in a Retail Dry Good’s Store —all of which
will be sold on reasonable terms for Cash or
Credit.
A. A. CLEVELAND.
May 20,1841. ts 118
Cos nsump lion
AND
Liver Complaint .
DR. TAYLOR’S
BALSAM OF LIVERWORT
HAS been used successfully for eight years
m the cure of these diseases. ID Re
member ! the original and genuine is made only
at 375 Bowery, N. Y., ALL others are spurious
and unauthorized !
Consumption and Liter Complaint !—As a
general remedy for these diseases I am fully sat
isfied, from long experience, there is no Medi
cine equal to Dr. Taylor’s Balsam of Liverwort.
Being purely vegetable, it can be used with the
utmost safety by all persons in every condition
It cleanses the lungs by expectoration, relieves
difficult breathing, and seems to heal the chest..
There can be no question, but this medicine is a
certain cure for chronic coughs and colds. 1
have used it for four years in my practice, and
always with success.
A. F. ROGERS, M.D.
To Females. —The number of females indeli
cate health, is truly surprising. Weakness, loss
of appetite, liver complaints, and many other dig
j oases, prey upon them, making them pale and
i lean oi flesh. All this can be remedied by the
I use of strengthening medicine, that will assist
j nature in all iter movements, restore tone to the
nerves and muscular organs. Os this kind is
j Dr. Taylor’s Balsam of Liverwort, which being
j mild and purely vegetable, answers females ad-
I mirablv. If all will use it, we are confident an
elastic step, good appetite, and ruddy cheeks will
follow. Once more, remember, the original and
genuine is made at 375 Bowery.
D” Spitting of Blood. —This disease consists
of a discharge of blood, often frothy, from the
mouth, brought up with hawking and coughing,
and is usuaily accompanied with difficulty of
breathing, and some pam in the chest. Some
times it is preceded by an oppression of the
| chest, a dry tickling cough, and slight shooting
pains. This disease is always more or less dan
gerous. The great danger is that these symp
toms may termi.-.atc in consumption, and imme
diate remedies can alone save this end. But Dr.
Taylor’s Balsam of Liverwort is a sure remedy,
| and to show its unparalleled success, certificates
| of cures from 421 citizens, and many physicians,
will be published in a few days.
D” Nervous Diseases and Weakness. —Dr.
Taylor’s Balsam of Liverwort, made at 1175 Bow-
I ery, is assuredly an excellent remedy fur these
diseases. My wife has been more or less ill for
ten years. She was extremely nervous, and at
times so weak that she could not attend to her
domestic duties. By the use of this medicine,
her strength is wliolly restored, and she is as
healthy as I can wish her to be. My address is
at Dr. Taylor’s office.
Cure of Consumption:■ —Mrs. Martin, a worthy
member oi my congregation, was taken ill some
time since with a cold, pain in the breast, and
some difficulty of breathing, and in a lew days
thereafter, she had a violent cough and a violent
pain in the sides, which no medicine would re
lieve. She continued in this way lor a long
time, under the medical care of Dr. Rea, but fi
nally became consumptive, and was evidently
near the end of tier earthly sufferings, when her
brother persuaded her to try Dr. Taylor’s Balsam
of Liverwort. When she commenced this med
icine, it did not S'eem to agree with her for a few
days, but by lessening the dose, she found it an
swered admirably : it relieved her cough and her
difficulty of breathing iustanter ; and we had the
pleasure of witnessing her rapid recovery to
health. Rev. WILLIAM SMYTHE.
D° OBSERVE! Buy only that which is
made at the Old Ortice, 375 Bowery, N. Yand
which is sold by
ROBERT AUSTIN & CO.
Wholesale and Retail Druggists,
No. 161, Broad-street, Augusta. ID” Sole A
gents for Georgia.
May 20, 1841 6t 38
Notice*
rplIE Subscribers will give twelve cents per
A pound for good HIDES, and pay in Leath
er and Shoes. They also design supp'ying the
Market with Beef, &c. this season. Therefore,
persons having Calves or Landis for sale, can
find a market, by giving them a call.
MOSELEY & ELLINGTON.
May 6, 1841. 36
THE Subscribers having had their Books and
most of their Accounts consumed by the
late Fire, would respecttully solicit those indebt
ed to call, without delay, and settle either with
CASH or by NOTE,” the amount due as near
as their memory will serve them. —tor this matter
will be left entirely to the Honor of a great many;
and we trust no one will be found taking the ad
vantage of our situation ; but that all will come
forward, like honest men, to our relief.
BURTON & PELOT.
N. B.—Call at the Bank, on E. M. Burton, for
settlement.
March 11. ts 98
WASHINGTON, (WILKES COUNTY, GA.,) JUNE 17, ISJI.
MISCELLANEOUS.
MISERIES OF MR. BROWN.
Or, a Dead Set at a Nervous Man.
Wherein I spoke of most disastrous chances,
Os moving accidents by Hood and field ;
Os hair breadth ’scapes, &c.— Shakespeare.
The clock struck two, a welcome sound, |
for it was the dinner hour. Some people !
dine at five ; let them. lam a man ol ap- i
petite, and am sharp-set full three hours
sooner. A cool air and a long walk in the
forenoon had contributed in fitting me to
enjoy the bounties of Providence with par
ticular relish. The table already smoked
under a load of savoury viands. The fla
vour that reeked upwards from a dozen
| dishes would have overpowered in genial
fragrance all the incense ever snuffed by a
Pagan divinity.
As I moved by the window my eye was
caught by a sign newly erected on the op
posite side oftlie street: “ Ready made cof
fins for sale here l” Confusion. Was ever
a sight so mal-apropos ! To be caught
just at the moment of dinner with such a
damper to the spirits ! Was the tiling pos
sible ? I looked again. It was no allu
sion. I ever fancied I could sec the horrid
receptacles within the door. A cold shiv
ering came over my frame. I rushed to
the table, but could not get the direful im
age from my mind. I remembered that 1
had a fit of sickness some fifteen years be
fore ; “ and what,” thought I, “if I should
be sick again !” The idea made me a lit
tle qualmish at the first start. I began to
eat, but alas! my appetitite had fled—l
could not tell how. it was to no purpose
that disii after dish was set before me ; my
languid palate refused to be excited by all
the condiments ofthe cooking art ; spices
were no longer stimulating, nor provoca
tive. Gan a worse accident happen, the
longest day in the year, than to lose one’s
dinner ? Think of my vexation, then, to be
baulked at the very threshold, and by such
a provoking occurrence.
I put up with the disappointment as phi
losophical!}’us I wasable. “ To-morrow,
said I to myself, “ 1 shall get over it, and
make amends for lost time.” Never was
fond anticipation more cruelly falsified.—
The sight of that accursed sign had lost
none of its dire potency. I could not eat
my dinner ! Just so the next day, and the
next. It was a perpetual scarecrow to my
affrighted appetite. 1 never could look out j
ofthe window without seeing it ; in fact, it j
seemed to be stereotyped on my brain.— j
This could not be endured long. I began!
to grow thin. Horrid ! I was thought of
for an alderman not six months before.
So I changed my lodgings ; no inconsid
erable exertion for “men of mould.” 1 hate
to be moving about. “ Make them like
unto awheel,” I always regarded as the
bitterest curse ever uttered. 1 chose a dif
ferent part of the city, and took care never
to walk through the street I had quitted.—
In a short time I began to pick up.
I had not quite recovered my pristine ro
tundity, when I was awakened one morning
just at daybreak, (I never rise before ten,)
by a violent ringing of the door bell. In less
than a minute the house-maid burst into the
room with “Sir, Dr. Burdock has come to
see you.” “ A murrian confound Doctor
Burdock,” said I, “ what is the quack after
here V” My reply was unattended to by
the maid, who instantly popped out and in
troduced the Doctor, a cadaverous-looking
caitiff, attended by a couple of fellows—
young beginners, 1 suppose, in the art of kil
ling. “Ah !” exclaimed he, “lucky we
found you so quick—called at three houses
in this street before we came to the right
one, some alteration made in the numbers
last week. But I must proceed to work
immediately—hope you sent for mo the
moment you felt the first symptoms.” My
astonishment at this unexpected intrusion
prevented me from uttering a word for a
few moments, but at length I asked,
“ What is your business here ?”
“ My dear sir,” he replied, “I cannot
stop to describe to you the whole extent of
my practice in this city, because you might
die in the mean time, you know. How
long ago did you swallow the poison ?”
“Sir,” said I, “ you are altogether mis
taken ; I have swallowed no poison, nor
“ Nonsense—it is idle to say that saltpe
tre is not poison ; a whole ounce at a time.
Terrible burning pain in the stomach, you
say. Warm water, girl, immediately.”
“ 1 tell you, doctor, you have called at
the wrong - -”
“Fiddlestick—no matter whether I call
it by the wrong name or not; poison is poi
son, call it what you will. 1 must apply
the stomach-pump immediately.
“ Get out of the house, blockhead ; I 11
have none of your infernal machines thrust
down my throat. I tell you again, I am
not ”
“ Ah, what an obstinate old man ! and
just on the brink of the grave, perhaps. —
Some people will have their way, though
they die for it. But we cannot wait.”
“ Go to the ”
“ Bloss me ! lie begins to rave ! See how
his eyes roll. ’Tis the effect of the
poison. Quick ! quick ! seize him by the
arms—hold his rnouth open. Poor man !
I fear it is all over with him !”
My condition was now desperate. I
was already in their clutches; but des
pair gave mo strength. I lent the
doctor a punch in the ribs with all the
force I could exert, which threw him
over backwards: and in falling, luck
PUB LIS HE 1) EVE R Y TIIUR 8D A Y MORN IN (
ily for me, he knocked down one of his as- j
sistants. Ere they had a moment’s time to :
pick themselves up, I attacked the third, j
and pitched him out oftlie room. Then re- [
turning to the two fallen heroes, I succeed- j
ed in trundling them through the door-wav
on all fours. 1 then clapped the door to, and
locked it in an instant. Fora moment I ima
gined myself in safety, but presently over
heard them speak of fetching a crow-bar
and bursting open the door, “to save the
poor creature’s life,” as they compassion
ately added. Not an instant was to be lost.
1 hurried on a few clothes, stripped the bed j
to make a rope-ladder, fastened it to the
window, slipped out silently, and glided j
into the street. 1 ran through the first nar
row lane I came to, without looking behind I
ine, scampering up one alley and down a
nother, and did not think myself out of'dan
ger till 1 was entirely out of breath.
What became of l)r. Burdock 1 cannot i
say, for 1 felt too great a horror at the dan- j
gor 1 had escaped, ever to go near the scone j
afterward. I took new lodgings, and began j
to recover from the effects oftlie catastrophe.
There’s nothing like a sudden fright for ta- j
king down a man’s flesh. However, for a
long while, 1 could not hear the door-hell
ring of a morning without being thrown:
into a cold sweat; and if ever the night- [
marc assailed me, it was sure to come in j
the shape of a stomach-pump, with a noz- |
zle as big as the boiler of a steamboat stick
ing fast in my windpipe. After a time I
recovered some serenity of mind, and was
master of a tolerable appetite. Ah! with
what disconsolate regrets did I look back
upon the golden days of good eating! when
the peaceful calm of my mind resembled
an unruffled ocean of turtle soup, and each
happy year glided round with as noiseless
and undisturbed a uniformity as a fat goose
revolves on the spit!
One day I was interrupted in the midst
’ of my dinner, I think I iiad not felt so good
an appetite for many a month. I had been
but an hour and a half at table, and several
courses remained to come on. I was told
there were persons at the door desiring to
speak with me. “ Particularly engaged,”
said I. “ But they are come on very urgent
! business, and must be attended to,” said the
servant —and I observed a strangely mys
terious expression of face with which this
was uttered. I hurried to the door, Hardly
knowing why. No man in his senses sure
ly ever would have left his dinner for sueli j
a thing. But let that pass. There was a j
fatality about it. At the door 1 was met [
j by four men bearing on their shoulders a
j coffin ! I was horror-struck ; all the ter
j rifle forebodings and frightful images which
I had haunted my imagination from the be
ginning returned with tenfold blackness. —
My hair rose on end. 1 stood aghast, root
ed to the ground, and had no power to
move !
“ Are you Mr. Brown ?” asked one of
the spectres.
“I am,” replied I. (John Brown, good
reader, is my unfortunate name.)
“ Here is the coffin we have made for
you. We have worked upon it with all
possible despatch, because we knew you
would want it immediately.”
“But I have no particular desire to be
buried,” said I, trembling, and unable to
stand Without leaning against the wall.
“ That is neither here nor there,” they
replied. “ Our business is to bring it to
this place for Mr. Brown, who is to be bu- j
ried to-day. Y’ou are the man.”
“ But I am not dead, nor likely to die.—
I have just eaten a hearty dinner—that is,
I have begun to eat it. You surely won’t
put me in the .” I could utter no more ;
fright absolutely took away the power of
speech.
“ Why not ?” returned they, with cer
tain significant winkings. We are accus
tomed to despatch our business and ask no
questions.”
It was plain now that there was a conspi
racy to bury me alive. What could be
done ? If I retreated into the house, I could
hope for no protection from the inmates, who
were doubtless in the plot. How other
wise would a coffin have been brought to
the door ? There was no resource but to
cut and run- 1 pushed through the entry,
knocking down two of the conspirators as I
sprang out of the door, and took to my heels
without a hat. Turning a corner, and loo
sing sight of my pursuers, 1 came upon a
hack standing in the street, with the door
open. 1 sprang in without a moment’s
thought, glad ofanv means of escape. The
hackman thinking me the person lie had
been waiting for, shut the door, mounted
the box, and drove on.
The fatigue I had suffered in running,
threw me iiyo a slumber. At last 1 was a
wakened and told I had readied the place.
On alighting I found myself in a yard, from
which I was conducted into a spacious
building, which I took for a tavern. I ima
gined myself at some distance from the
city, and congratulated myself on mv es
cape from it. Unlucky wretch ! I was
at that moment in the Massachusetts Gen
eral Hospital !
In a few moments I found myself sur
rounded by numerous members of the fa
culty. “This patient,” said the principal
surgeon taking my head between his hands
“is afflicted with a paralysis of the lower
jaw—be so good as to open your mouth. ’
I shook my head, struggled to get tree, but
he held on the faster. “Weshallnow pro
ceed to exhibit some electrical experiments
upon him, which I am strongly of opinion
will he attended with beneficial results;
the worst that may happen is, that they may
knock out his grinders, and loosen some ol
his front teeth.”
These horrible words sounded in iny
cars like a death-knell. I could not speak j
for the scientific operator had distended my ‘■
jaw to the utmost stretch with a wooden j
gag which I in vain attempted to force out. j
My hands were secured, and 1 was held j
fast in my seat by the doctors, who all crow- j
ded round me. “It will be such a beauti- j
ful experiment,” said they. Was ever
any destiny like mine ? Driven half to dis- j
traction by ready-made coffins on one day, ]
attacked by a stomach-pump on another, j
within a hair’s breadth of being buried a- j
live on the next, and now the grinders j
about to be blown out of my jaws by a j
broadside from an electrical battery!
“Verily,” thought I, “this is destined to i
be the last day of my life; an army of j
doctors are upon me, armed with all sorts j
lof blood-thirsty weapons. Death or dislo- j
1 cation will most assuredly be my lot.” I ;
j grew as pale as a sheet : the perspiration j
| stood in large drops upon my face. I be- |
| gan to bellow like a hull of Bashan, arid j
j struggled and kicked with all vengeance.
Nothing seemed likely to avail me, and
| the machine approached that was to disable j
iny powers of mastication for ever, when 1
all at once the hack oi the chair gave way, j
j and a dozen of us were spralling on the
floor in an instant. With the quickness of;
lighting I sprang to the door, cleared every j
I passage to the street, knocking down all
1 that came in my way, and throwing chairs j
j and tables behind me to encumber the pas- j
sage of my pursuers. On gaining the j
street 1 continued running,determined to es
cape from the city as quick as possible. I
j directed my course towards West Boston ;
j bridge, but just as I set my foot upon it, the
J draw was hoisted for the passage of a sloop.
I turned about and ran to the Western Av
enue. 1 had proceeded a quarter of a mile
upon it when I was stopped by the sight of
a strange looking carriage approaching j
me ! It was a hearse!
“Then came my fit again!’ 1 could no j
more have endured to encounter it, than I
could have faced a hungry tiger. Most as
suredly, had I approached it, I should have
been seized and carried off ; for so my ter
rified imagination whispered me. Again I j
turned and ran back. After passing ;
through several streets, my terror a little j
subsided ; I felt a gnawing hunger ; —think
of an unfinished dinner and the gallopades ;
I had practised ! It was now evening, and 1
I entered a tavern. I ordered a supper,
and while it was getting ready attempted,
to divert my mind from the harrowing j
thoughts that occupied it,by reading the va
rious hills with which bar-rooms are gener
ally ornamented. But woful attempt! the
first that met my eye was a staring sheet,
headed with an enormous black coffin, and
the title oF‘An Elegy on the death of John
Brown, who committed suicide under mental
derangement, occasioned by a scolding wife,
ect.” In a paroxysm ofhorror and vexa
tion, I tore the sheet to atoms, and rushed -
into the street. All human things seemed i
combined to drive me mad. It was raining j
cats and dogs. “I’ll drown myself,” said
I, “and make an end to it.” I cannot say
I was quite serious in the resolution, but 1
j ran towards the wharf, determined at least
| to devise some means of escaping from the
city by water. But how idle to struggle
against the decree of fate ! Passing thro
ugh Broad street, I stumbled into a cellar
among a troop of Irishmen who were hold
j ing a wake over the dead body of one of
j iheir countrymen. I ‘lost my senses by the
I fall ; and the paddies having settled the
matter that I was kilt, resolved to bury us j
both together, in order to save time.
I know not how it happened, but when I I
came to myself I was scampering off at full 1
speed with the whole troop in pursuit, call
ing out to ine to come hack and be buried
“decently like a jontleman.” The upshot
of it was that l fell into the dock.
The Humane Society must tell the rest.
I am still alive and have not been burried,
though I consider it a downright impossi
bility to avoid the catastrophe much longer.
I now feel disposed to take the matter into
my own hands, and fairly to entomb my
self for some short and safe space of time,
hoping this may break the spell. Reader,
have pity on me. Six months ago l quite
filled a capacious easy-chair, and now you
might truss me into an eel-skin. The
Three Perils of Man have long been noto
rious ; but there are two others that might
make the number five—A Deputy Sheriff
and a Dead Set.
ELOQUENCE.
That eloquence which is most felt and
produces the greatest results, is hold, man
ly: and impressive; clear in conception,
fervid in expression, energetic, yet dignifi
ed in action ; the eloquence, not merely of
[ language or manner, but of thought and
i feeling. The rounded periods, the beauti
j ful imagery, and the graceful delivery of
the artificial orator, may please the ear, a
muse the fancy, and command the admira- j
tion of the hearer ; but they leave no last- :
ing mark ; the impression is effaced al- j
most as soon as it is made, and the
speaker and his subject, are alike soon for- j
gotten. lie bursts forth “ like a bright ex- i
altatiou in the evening,” and like it lie falls j
and is seen no more. Even the splendid
rhetoric of Isocrates, made little impression;
while amidst a corrupt and fickle people,
the hold, impassioned and natural style ol
Demosthenes, embodying vigorous thought
in the strongest language, disdaining the
pursuit of vain ornaments, hut seizing those ;
happy illustrations which spontaneously
presented themselves to his mind, bore
down the subtle sophistry of all who oppo
sed him, and the whole host of venal era-
11. .1. KAPPKL, M m r inter.
tors, backed by the wealth ad power of:
Phillip, trembled and crouched under the!
terrors oi’ his voice.
THE BIBLE.
A nation must be truly blessed, if it were
governed by no other laws than tiio.se ot
this blessed book ; it is so complete that
nothing can be added to or taken from it; it
contains every thing needful to be done ; it
affords a copy for a king, and a rule for a
subject; it gives instructions and counsel
Ito a senate ; authority and direction to a
magistrate ; it cautions a witness; requires
an impartial jury, and furnishes a judge
j with his sentence : it sets the husband as
; lord oftlie household, and the wife as mis
j tress oftlie table, him how to rule and her
how to manage.
It entails honor to parents, and enjoins o
bedience upon children ; it prescribes ai.-d
limits the way of sovereigns, the rule oftlie
ruler, and authority ofthe masters; com
mands the subjects to honor, and the servant
to obey, and promises the protection of its
author to all who walk by its rules. It
gives directions for weddings and for buri
als ; it promises food and raiment, and lim
its tile use of both ; it points out a faithful
and eternal guardian, to the departing bus.
band and father ; tells him with whom to
leave his fatherless children, and in whom
his widow is to trust, and promises a father
to the former and a husband to the latter.—
It teaches a man how lie ought to set his
house in order, and how to make his will.
It defends the right of all and reveals ven
! gcanoo to the defrauder, overrcacher and
oppressor. It is the first book and the old-
I est book in the world. It contains the clioi-
I cest matter, gives the best instruction, and
! affords the greatest pleasure and satisfac
tion that ever were revealed. It contains
the best laws and profoundest mysteries
that ever were penned. It brings the l?st
tidings, and affords the best comforts to the
enquiring and disconsolate. It exhibits
1 ilb and immortality, and shows the way to
everlasting glory. It is a brief recital of
all that is to come. It settles all matters
in debate, resolves all doubts, and cases the
j mind and conscience of all their scruples.
; It reveals the only living and true God, and
j shows the way to him, and sets aside
; all other Gods, and describes vanity of them
! and of all that put their trust in them.
If I possessed the most valuable things
in the world, and were about to will them
away, the following w’ould be my plan of
distribution.
I would will to the w hole world truth
and friendship, w hich are very scarce.
I would give an additional portion of
truth to editors and lawyers, traders and
I Merchants.
1 would give to physicians, skill and
: learning.
To clergymen, zeal, disinterested piety.
To lawyers, merchants, brokers, public
officers, &c., honesty.
Toold women, short tongues and legs.
To young women, common sense, large
waists and natural feet.
To servants, obedience and honesty.
To masters, humanity :
To farmers punctuality and sobriety.
To old men, preparation for death :
To young sprouts or dandies, good sense,
little cash and hard work.
To old maids, good tempers, little talk,
and suitable husbands.
To old bachelors, a love for virlure, chi’ -
! dren and wives.
The above we clip from an exchange pa
per, without knowing to whom the author
ship is attributable. Whomever it may
have been, we are sorry he did not write a
codicil to the will and bequeath to all news
paper subscribers a disposition to pay in
advance, orat least not to take a paper for a
year or two, and then run away without
paying for it.
A QUEER TEE-TO-TALLEII.
i To he sure lam no advocate for drill
’ king—unless when a man is dry ; but tlx
ease is altered when a man has a eonstitu
! tional toothache, hereditary by the mother’s
side in the family, which is my unfortunate
j case. If you had the heart of a gun-flint,
1 you would pity me ; to sec a fellow-crea
ture, with an old stocking wrapped around
his chops, and a short pipe stuck in his jaw
and a bottle of whiskey, together with a
can of beer, upon the table. Surely never
j was a poor rascal so completely predestina
ted to insobriety. The toothache makes
me smoke ; the smoke makes me swill at.
the beer; ; and as beer never agreed with
me, lam forced, in spite of l ather Mat
thew, to qualify the stout with the still ; in
short, to mix a tumbler. As I was always
of an active disposition, and can t hear to
be idle, I keep smoking while I am mix
ing the materials. By this light! the
more I drink the drier I am ; and the drier 1
am, the more I drink. And do you know,
j such a scurvy world we live in, for impu
! ting had motives where there is no occasion
I that I hear reports are abroad that I am a
‘sad drunken follow, as if any man can
help constitutional toothache, hereditary by
the mother's side !
Monomia. —Some old writer says that
Monomia is produced by continually dwell
ing upon one thought. We have heard ol
a physician who, having attained some dis
tinction by an essay against the useoi jli=-
ters, became so devoted to his theory that
j he allowed it to mix even with ins theologi
! eal speculations, till he maintained that tu
j ture punishments consisted ot an endless
series of hiisterings, and that llelzebnb s
I f, tr tiro vs that of a large Spanish fly
I'rcitvr ■
[VOLUME XXVI.