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TTTTH PAPEE IS OS FTT.P WITH
130 WELL & r^HESMAN
AX. Advertising Agents,
THIRD & CHESTNUT STS., BT. LOUIS, MO.
(EUmlcm Cavils.
J. A. WREN,
PHOTOGRAPHIC ARTIST
Has located for a short time at
DR. EDMUNDS’ GALLERY,
ELBERTON. GA.
WHERE he is prepaied to execute every class
of work in his line to the satisfac
tion of all who bestow their patronage. Confi
dent of his ability to please, he cordially iuvites
a test of his skill, with the guarantee that if he
does net pass a critical inspection it need not be
taken mch24.tf.
MAKES A SPECIALTY OF
Copying & Enlarging Old Pictures
J.
Fashionable ai lor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELBERTON, GEORGIA.
BOOTS $t SHOES.
The undersigned respectfully an
nounces to the people of Elberton and
surrounding country that he has opened a first
class
Boot and Shoe
SHOP IN ELBERTON
Where he is prepared to make any style of Boot
or Shoe desired, at short notice and with prompt
ness.
REPAIRING NEATLY EXECUTED,
The patronage of the public is respectfully
solicited.
ap.29-tf G. W. CitEUIECEB F.
H. K. CAIRDNER,
ELBERTON, GA.,
18Y BBUiOiICSIII,
11A RDWA RE, CROCK HR Y,
SOOTS, SHOES, HATS
Notions. &c**
T. M. SWIFT. MACK ARNOLD
SWIFT & ARNOLD,
(Successors to T. M. Swift,)
dealers in
Dlt \ r GOO DS,
GROCERIES. CROCKERY, ROOTS AND
SHOES, HARDWARE, &c.,
Public Square, KI>2J S.IRTOIV C.i.
LIGHT CARRIAGES & E'JGGiES.
ewV'SM,
it ’IEIV ' * L;V
r ; -: -*'W' w -
: ~jw
J . F. AITLD
(Carriage TO AN DFACT’ r
GLiIERTON,
BEST WORKMEN!
BEST WORK!
LOWEST PRICES!
Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to SIGO
Common Buggies - SIOO.
REPAIRING AND BLACKSMITIITNG
Work done in this line in the very best! style.
The Best Harness
My 22-1 v
DIinSJUMIY.
]p. j. sii
Saddler & Harness Maker
Is fully prepared to manufacture
HARNESS, BRIDLES, gA „p U!s .
At the shortest notice, in the best manner, and
on reasonable terms.
Shop at John S, Brown's Old Stand.
• ORDERS SOLICITED.
F. A. F. SOBLETT,
mmnm iaioe
ELBERTON, GA.
Will contract for work in STON'D and BRICK
anywhere in Elbert county [jel6 6ai
J. S. BARSETT,
ATTORN EY AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
J. F. STEWART,
PAXNT3OR. & GXiAZXSB
ELBERTON, GA.
WJ ILL GIVE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
* * any work in his line. Satisfaction jrutu
nteed. Rates reasonable. feb.l 6m
THE GAZETTE.
ISTew Series.
AN EXCITING EIDE.
I had ridden hard and fast, and was
astonished to find myself coming into a
straggling settlement. On the course
which I should have tak.n there was
nothing of the sort. Almost any trav
eler in the border sections would have
been glad to thus stumble upon a place
for food and refreshment. Not so wit a
myself. In the breast pocket of my
coat I carried five thousand four hun
dred and ninety odd dollars, United
States money. I had received this
amount from Major-General T. M. Lacy,
and it was to be carried through to Fort
L , and placed in the hands of Col.
Asa F. Som-hard, to defray necessary
army expenses.
“Get through at your best gait,
Carnes,” said the Major, “the money is
long since over due, and Southard’s rare
irascible temper must have been tried to
the utmost. Ycu know how the soldiers
get to growling if Uncle Sam is at all
delinquent in paying up. Ride in a
careless manner, but be careful. I dou t
think that any one dreams of the arrival
of this money—save, of con se, the mail
agent and the clerk who delivered me
the packages.”
I was directed over an unfamiliar sec
tion, hence my losing of the right route.
I considered it my safest plan, so long
as I had blundered into the settlement,
to boldly enter and rest, as an ordinary
traveler would do. Should I push hur
riedly on, I might, by that very act, ex
cite suspicion.
There wero only two men in the bar
room when I entered, the .landlord and
the hostler. Under Iris familiar cordial
ity the landlord furtively eyed me in a
manner that made me wish that I was
well done with tire job, but I reassured
myself with the thought that it was the
consciousness of tlie responsibility re
posing upon me that caused his glances
to disturb me. Before I nad finished
my supper two more travelers rode up,
called out for the hostler, and ordered
drinks, or rather one of them came in
with the orders, and the other threw
himself down on the bench outside, and
began loading his huge pipe. Strolling
carelessly about the room I managed to
glance out of the window. My heart
leaped into my throat, for in the man
t utside I recognized—from desciiptio is
of him—Bill Wolf, one of the most ties
perate characters that ever figured in
the annals of border ruffianisn . There
was the huge red moustache, the thick,
hairy throat, and the shoulders hunched
up about the head, suggesting the shape
of a mammoth clam—and the voice with
a deep down intonation like the plop,
plop, plop of water hurriedly leaving a
jug. If the description of the .notorious
rex egade is inelegant, it has the merit of
truthfulness and must, therefore, be ex
cused.
I went through my supper in form,
but whatever appetite I might have felt
upon my entrance into the inn, had
vanished with my discovery. After a
time the other fellow came in, having
been out, he said, to looa after the atii
mals, and they also ordered supper.
Now was rnv time to leave, which 1 did
in a careless manner, passing some com
monplace remarks with the two men as
I crossed the dim, smoky bar room. As
they seemed to take no notice of me
whatever, 1 felt my spirits rise with hope
that I should make a safe transit It
was quite duskish outside, bm the hostler
was Bitting about the stable with his
lantern, which emitted but a little more
effulgent light than a white Dean would
have clone, but he graciously brought
out my steed at the order, and, mount
ing, I thankfully trotted away. The
moon—a little past full—would make
her debut in something more than an
hour after sunset, and I pushed along
at a smart trot so as to get well out
upon the plains and into the right trail
before that time. The animal went along
at, an assuring gait, and I was feeling
infinitely relieved at my providential
escape from contact with the desperate
characters whom I had left at the settle
ment, when my acute, trained, ever alert
ear detected the sound of swift riding.
In which direction ? From behind me,
and the mildly floating breeze blew from
that quarter. The face of the prairie
in this section was a little rolling, but
not so as to afford any shelter, and
not a shrub or bush dotted the expanse
for miles
I drew up my horse one moment to
listen. No chance travelers ever rode
like that. It meant pursuit.
I gave my horse a galling lash and
she broke into a convulsive gait, hove
her body up with one or two plunges,
stumbled, going down upon her knees
to her nose, and pitched me literally
heels over head. For an instant I was
paralyzed with astonishment, the next I
seized the bit to fetch up the fallen ani
mal which had in the brief mishap
undergone a strange metamorphose.
She ha and lost her white face on or in the
grass, and passing my hand between her
eyes, I found the hair was wet In an
instant I was examining the white logs—
my horse had been peculiarly marked
with white legs and face—and I found
these sticky with whitewash. What
then ? Simply, my trappings had been
transferred to another animal, gotten up
to exactly represent mine in the evening.
This discovery brought an appalling in
terpretation of the coining horsemen.
I gave the horse the whip, as soon as
his unstable legs were well under him,
and sent him scouring on ahead while L
ran off to the rigut making for a little
shallow, dry ravine. Here to my pro
found astonishment, I discovered a lone
ESTABLISHED 1859-
ELBERTON GEORGIA, JULY 1875.
cabin, or hu , about the dimensions of a
common country log house, and impul
sively dashing up to this 1 gave a rapid
succes: im of knocks. A shrinking, pale
and eov exing woman opened it.
“What is a, ? was her first question,
noticing my breathless haste.
Had I stopped foramcment's reflec
tion upon the strangely isolated position
. f the cabin, I should not have pushed
in by her with Lhe explanation.
“Is there a chance to Lode here? My
horse has thrown me and I believe a
party of desperadoes are close up with
me.”
I noticed that the moon was coming
up dry and red in the east, when she
mechanically closed the door behind me,
before I had fi..fished my explanation.
“No, no, there is noplace," she gasped,
he quick ear now catching the sound
of the horsemen. “This is all
the room there is—and there’s neither
cellar nor attic.”
“But this ?” I exclaimed, rushing for
a dark object in the corner.
“It’s a coffin,” was her quick response,
“but there’s no other chance; they are
turning up to the door, get i
I had barely time to place myself jn
this receptacle for the dead, when a
hoarse voice—one that I knew from de
scriptions I had had of it—called out:
“Hear, you Dick.”
The woman threw her apron over her
head and went to the door.
“Where’s Dick ?”
“He hasn't come back yet,” said the
woman. *
“Oh, lie ain’t—Jen, liev you heard a
horse go by to night ?”
“Yes, only a little whilo ago —a small
man ?”
“Yes—driving like the devil."
“I guess,” she said, and then paused,
“you can hear the horse now," feigning '
to listen.
But Bill Wolf must have been of a ;
suspicious nature. I heard him leap
from his horse and strike with a jarring
plunk upon the sod. A smouldering
lire was burning on the stone hearth. I
could imagine Bill’s attitude —he had a
hand on each door casing, his brutal j
head was thrust inside the room ; be j
was peering about the apartment.
“What in li is that?” he ques
tioned, and my heart stood still, for I
knew he spoke of my retreat.
“It's Stauffer’s coffin. Dick is going
to carry it o.'ar to night.”
“Stuff!" ejaculated the desperado, “as
lie made his bed, so let him lay—buz
zards are the sextons for the like o’
h m.”
The woman sort of groaned, and then I
I hca and Wolf go up'ami joggle the rain i
barrel at the coiner of the cabin, and !
finally go away with the remark :
“He ain’t far off; he couldn’t stick to
that blind critter when he begun ter
hurry.”
“What shall I do : what shall I do ?”
gasped the woman ; “they will be back
in twenty minutes, for I believe that
your horse is in sight, not more than
three quarters of a mile off, and my
husband is liable to come at any mo
ment.”
“But with him inside the house we
might—”
“With him!’’ she emphasised it in
desperate tone, “he is Bill Wolf’s bro
tber.”
I was out of the coffin in a trice then,
you may well believe.
“It is death for you any way, for I
hear the rattle of Dick's axles already,”
she moaned.
“Stay, there’s the rain barrel,” said I
in desperation, “they’ve tried that once,
they may not again.”
And before you would be able to speak
a sentence, the water was dashed out of
the cask and stealing down into arid
soil, and I was in the barrel, and the
woman dropping a tub half filled with
water in at the top as a cover.
She had barely time to enter the
house, the door of which, fortunately,
opened on the side away from the moon,
when a rattling vehicle drew up at the
door, and I heard a voice raving and
swearing at the woman for something
done, or undone, and them from the
bunghole, the plug having been dislodged
in the upsetting of the cask, I saw the
furious return of the three desperadoes.
There was a good deal of loud talking
and explanations, and rough remarks
about the coffin in the corner; but Dick
and the woman both seemed sore about
the matter, and the man peremptorily
refused to join the hunt because of the
coffin.
“Well, you’re going our way a piece,”
said Wolf; “likely enough you'll have
the fun of seeing us wing the turkey on
our way.”
The conversation was distressingly
personal, made actually 60 by Dick’s
asking:
“Is there water <muugh out here, Jen,
to drink my borse ?”
“i'll sec,” she returned, moving slowly
over the door sill, and then leaping to
the cask she lifted out the tub and tipped
my prison over a little so that Fcould
spring out. I was behind the cask
when Dick came to the door, and chi
rupped up his beast to the tub to drink.
“I’ll go with you as far as the forks,"
he said, as two of them came out with
the coffin and slid it into the body of
the wagon. Then they stepped back,
probably to call tht others.
At that moment a wild and desperate
plan entered my brain, but feeling ior
my knife I found that it was missing,
along with the belt to which it was at
tached. In the sudden jostle which the
falling steed had given me, the girdle
had been snapped and lost without my
knowledge. The horses of the three
renegades—my own, which had been
retained by the hostler at the inn, among
them—were hitched on the further side
of the door where the moonlight, striking
by the end of -the cabin, rested fully
upon them It was suicide to attempt
seizing upon them ; but as the woman
with some purpose in her mind sang out
to the men to come back and get the
last dipper full of liquor which she had
mixed, I seized the only alternative. I
sprang lightly into the wagon, lifted the
coffin lid, and again crawled into the
long, narrow prison.
There was no choice. The flood of
moonlight had swept so far toward my
hiding place that only a part of my body
was concealed by the barrel, and I knew
that discovery was inevitable, for the
man’s horse stood in such a position
that m order to recover the reins he
must bavs trodden upon me ; and there
was no earthly thing as far as the eye
could Teach over the plain, behind which
a man could bids Ah, but what if he
should ride on his freight? Can you
think how my heart pumped away at
tlie thought ? You wonder what my
pain could be? I had none, other than
the thought of having only one man to
deal with, if he went on his way as he
calculated. The three ruffians were
mounted and all were ready to start,
when the woman -ran out with some
sort of* a blanket and muttered some
thing about covering the coffin. The
man yelled out to her to mind her busi
ness and let the thing alone.
She retreated with the cloth, but she
had accomplished her purpose. In its
folda she had concealed a bowie knife ;
under its cover she had raised the lid
and dropped the weapon inside, risking
giving me a cut as it fell upon me ; but
in tile momentary noise and confusion
I had got the weapon in my band with
its point raised tne heavy lid of the
rough box the fraction of an inch so that
breathing was easy if my position was
cramped.
The three horsemen spread out, re
marked to each ocher: “Beat up the
game now speedily, before, by any mira
cle, he gets into the wooded belt by
Buford’s Springs."
JJhey continued to halloo to each otin r
■forborne time, their liberal potations
surmounting their discretion.
“Dick,” they yelled back as they were
driving off, “a cool two hundred apiece ;
throw out your old shod and join in the
hunt.”
The driver mumbled something, but
the liquor had thickened his speech so
that it was unintelligible to me.
If he did attempt to move the coffin I
was lost.
They kept within hailing distance for
the length of some three or four miles,
Dick smashing the wagon along at a
furious gait, and I expected every mo
ment that the shell would be jostled out.
Bv and by there was a shout off to the
right “a tally ho” as if the huntsmen
had sighted the quarry. Nothing but
an unwarrantable amount of liquor could
have influenced them to conduct then
selves as they did, for no sooner had
they called out from the right than Dick
came to a sudden halt, leaped from his
seat and ran off towards those who were
hallooing.
For one instant my heart stopped
beating at the thought -of the hazard I
was about to run The next moment I
sprang from the coffin to the ground.
A few lightning like strokes, and I had
severed the traces and hold backs of the
harness.
The whole scene is pictured vividly
in my mind. The moon-lighted prairie,
the little ravine toward which the rene
gades were dashing, the wagon standing
in the trail—then the cutting of the
thills reached the ears of the party, and
with a wild shout they sprang towards
ine. I was on the horse’s back, but
boldly defiued by the moonlight. There
was a sharp report of two rifles. I felt
a stinging in my foot, another in my
shoulder, but the borse was uninjured
and the race for life began.
There was a disheartening disadvan
tage for me, for I bad no saddle, but I
was riding for my life, and I held the
steed between my knees, and took the
broad trail with the fury of a tornado.
But the issue would rest mostly with
the horse. I knew nothing of the one
which I rode ; I knew nothinc of those
that were pursuing me excepting my
own white-faced mare. She would run
like an antelope, and outwind a hurri
cane.
On and on and on nr? steed, desper
ately spurred with the point of my knife,
bore ahead, actually causing me to gasp
for breath, and two hundred yards in
the rear rode my would-be murderers.
On the rolling prairie now, and my
animal took the declivit es with a plunge
and the elevations with a sure, tieice
stride— cross the brawling ford—but
crack came another rifle echo, and again
a stream of fire seemed to strike my
shoulder. They were coming—closing
up. One of these had discharged his
rifle at me, and the other I knew was
held at rest to come a little nearer.
A momentary dizziness lopped _me
over on my horse's neck The ruffians
yelled triumphantly behind, but a distant
echo brougut me up, and giving my
beast a stinging blow, I emitted the
wild, long, fierce yell of the border
rangers, and sped on again; but my
horse had that peculiar squirm now and
then in his gait that told me he was
faltering.
Again that echo reached me, swelling
out on the rising wind—it was the shrill
squeal of the fife and the rum-did-dle
Vol. IY.-No. 13.
urn, did e-um-dvtm dum, dnm of infantry
returning from some expedition to Fort
L. Again I sent that long, wild, border
yell, and I knew by the quicker breath
ing of the fife, and rapid pulsing of the
drum, that the soldiers had broken into
the “double quick” in the heed of my
cry.
A parting shot fired at random, and
the desperadoes turned; but one of them
at least I was not done with. I called
my horse with a peculiar whistle ; I re
peated it, and then beard her crashing
again in pursuit, while her rider shouted
and lashed her and tried to pull her
around the other away. For a brief
time the desperado wrestled with the
animal, lashed, goaded, and roared at
her, but my incessant, jerky whistle call
kept her mind and head toward me. He
only gave up the fruitless struggle and
leaped from her back when a squad of
infantry dashed over a billowy swell of
prairie, and rushed down towards ua at
that steady, measured run, which is so
effective in contrast with the disorderly
gait.
“It's Wolf, boys,” I exclaimed, as they
came up with mo.
I had no need to tell them that there
was a price set upon his head, as it had j
been clearly proved that he had stirred j
up the savages to commit more than one
massacre of the settlers ; and a dozen of
them, uttering a yell of fury, started in
pursuit, while tho others, noticing my j
swaying about on my animal which Ii
rode, began to think that I had found j
something serious in the race for life.
In fact the plain was rising and falling
and shuffling about lo that it took a i
great amount of nerve and equipoise to
sit a I ought. They got me into Fort
Laramie, however, with Uncle’s prom
isory notes all safe in my breast pocket,
while a boot full of blood, and the galling
flesh wounds in my shoulder, accounted
for the odd manceuverings of the plain
while I was on horse back.
After a brief but desperate conflict,
Bill Wolf was brought in and passed
over to the proper officers “to have and
to hold” until there should be meted out
to him the measure he had given to
others.
The position of a bank cashier does
not seem to be a particularly enviable
one at this moment The plan of going
to his house at night, gagging him, and
dragging him with a halter round his
neck to the bank safe, and making him
open it, lias been found to answer so
well that it is being pursued as a trade
in various parts of the country. We
report this morning a raid of iliis kind
which was made upon the Barre National
Bank, Vermont. The cashier was seized,
his wife and daughter were gagged, and
the robbers, four in number, dragged
their captive to the bank vault. But
there was a chronometer lock which
defied all their ingenuity, and couse
quently they had to depart without the
prize they had come to seek. Of course,
the police have not been able to find the
four men, any more than they found the
man who shot Mr. Schute, over in
Brooklyn, or Charley Ross, or the Nathan
murderer. In these days, the criminal
classes arc more than a match for the
agents of the law.—N. Y. Times.
A TERRIBLE PROBLEM,
A recent number of a scientific journal,
speaking of the relative proportion of the
sexes in the human race, says Max Adel
er, declares that for every one hundred
and fifty men that come into the world,
one hundred and seventy-two one hun
dredths (100 72 100) women are born.
Ido not dispute these figures. I only
ask for light. It apjiears, according to
this, that there are some women whe are
only seventy two one liundreths of wo
men. Wliat the remaining twenty eight
one hundredths are I can not imagine.
Now, whatl want to know is this: If a wo
man of this kind marries a one-hundredth
and has a daughter, will the daughter
be an eighty-four hundredth woman or a
ninety six one hundredth woman? And
what will be the exact relation between
suehadaughterandaseventy sixone hun
dredth aunt and her eighty seven one
hundredth daughters, especially if the
eighty' seven one-hundredth girls marry
the brothers of the ninety-six one hun
dredth girl, and so become her ninety
eight one hundredth first cousin, but also
her ninety five one hunrdedth sister-in
law, the aforesaid seventy six one hun
dredth aunt becoming also the eighty
nine one hundredth mother-in-law of the
eighty-eight one-hundredth nephews, will
the—the—. Let ms see, where am I? It
is au awful subject to grapple with.—Oh,
yes! 1 say if the seventy six one hun
dredthaunt —. Bat no. The question can't
solved in any such way as this, I give it be
up. The only way to get at it will be
to do the sum in algebra somehow, mak
ing the daughter x, the aunt, y, the first
cousin, a, and the mother-in-law, b. Then
it seems to me, if you multiply the aunt
by the daughter and divide the lifst
cousin by the mother-in law, in some
wav or other, or else extract the square
root of the cousin and subtract the re
sult from the aunt, keeping the daughter
as a common denominator, and at the
same time make a decimal fraction of
the mother in law, perhans the result
might be satisfactory'. But I ara not
certain. lam poor in mathematics. I
wish that Prof. Tyndall would subject it
to a chemical analysis.
“I wonder what makes my eyes so
weak?” said a fop to a gentleman.
“They are in a weak place,” responded
the latter.
A MOURNPUL DiIEAM,
How Mr. Keyser Anticipated Death.
Max Adeler has the following:
Last December my friend Keyset*
dreamed one night that he would die on
the 13th of January. So strongly was
he assured of the fact that the vision
would prove true that he began at once
t.o make preparations for his departure.
He got measured for a bran new suit, ho
drew up his will, he picked out a nico
lot in the cemetery and had it fenced in,
he joined tho church, and selected six of
the deacons as his pallbearers; he also
requested the choir to sing at tho funer
al, and ho got them to run over a favor
ite hymn of hiR. to seo how it would sound.
Then he got Toombs, tho undertaker, to
knock together a burial casket, with sil
ver plated handles, and cushions inside,
and he instructed the undertaker to rush
out his b st hearse, and to buy sixty
pairs of black gloves to be distributed
among the mourners. He had some
trouble dociding upon a tombstone.
The man at the maxble yard
wanted to shove off on him a second
hand one with an angel weeping over
a kind of flower-pot; but Keyser finally
ordered anew one, with a design repre
senting a rose bud with a broken stem,
and the legend, “Not lost, but gone
before.”
Then he got the village newspaper to
put a good obituary notice of him in
tyi e, and he told his wife that he would
be gratified if she would come out in tho
spring and plant violets upon his grave.
He said it was hard-to leave her and the
children, but she must try to bear up
under it. These afflictions are for our
good, and when he was an angel he
would come and watch over her and keep
his eye on her. Ho said she might mar
ry again if she wanted to. for, although
the mere thought of it nearly broke his
heart, he wished her above ali to be hap
py, and to have Rome one to love her
and protect her from tho storms of the
rude world. Then he, and Mrs. Keysor
and the children cried, and Keyset 1 , as a
closing word of counsel, advised her not
her to plow for corn earlier than the
middle of March.
On the night of the 12th of January
there was a flood in the creek, and Key
ser got up at four o’clock in tho morn
ing of the 13th, and worked until night
trying to save his buildings and his
woodpile. He was so busy that he for
got all about its being the day of his
death, and as he was very tired, lie went
to bod early and slept soundly all night.
About six o’clock on the morning of
the 14th there ws a ring at the door
bell. Keyser jumped out of bed, threw
up the front window and exclaimed:
“Who’s there?”
“It’s mo, Toombs,” said the under
taker.
“What do you want at this time of
the morning,” demanded Keyser.
“Want," said Toombs, not recogniz
ing Keyser. “Why, I’ve brought around
the ice to pack Keyser in, so’s he’ll keep
until tho funeral. The corpse’d spoil
this kinder weather if Ididn’t.”
Then Keyser remembered, and it
made him feel mad when he thought
how tho day had passed and left him
still alive, and how he bad made a fool
of himself. So the corpse said :
“Well, you can jest skeet around home
again with that ice ; the corpse is not
yet dead. You’re a leetle too anxious,
it strikes me. You're not going to chuck
me into a sepulchre yet, if you have got
everything ready. So you can haul off
and unload.”
About half-past ten that morning tho
deacons came around with crape on their
hats and gloom in their faces, to carry
the body to the grave, and while they
were on the front steps the marble yard
man drove up with rosebud tombstone
and a shovel, and stepped in to ask the
widow how deep she wanted the grave
dug. Just then the choir arrived with the
min stcr, and thecompany was assembled
in the parlor, when Keyser came in from
the stable, where ho bad been dosing a
horse with patent medieino and warm
mash for the glanders. He was surprised;
but he proceeded to explain that there had
been a little mistake somehow. He was al
so pained to find that everybody seemed
to be a good deal disappointed, particu-
the tombstone man, who went
away mad, declaring that such an old
fraud ought to bo rammed into the
ground anyhow, dead or alive. Just as
tho deacon left in a huff, tho tailor’s
boy arrived with tho burial suit, and bo
fore Keyser could kick him off the steps
the paper carrier flung into tho door the
Morning Argus m which that obituary
notice occupied a prominent place.
Anybody that wants a good, reliablo
tombstone that has a broken rosebud on
it, and that has never been used, can
buy one of that kind, at a sacwfice for
cash, from Keyser. He thinks the bad
dream must have been caused by eating
too much sausage at supper.—New York
Weekly.
-■■■-■—♦
A California story tells of a man who
resolved to give up drinking, and went
to a- notary to get him to di'aw up an
affidavit to that effect. The document
was drawn, read and proved; the party
held up bis hand and murmured the
usual promise. The paper was then
properly scaled and delivered. “What’fl
to pay ?” asked the pledge taker. “To
nay—to pay 1” exclaimed the notary.
“Nothing, of course—this is a labor of
love.” “Nothing to pay!” returned the
grateful but forgetful pledge-taker.—
“You are a brick. Let’s have a drink.
Here is a poet who says : “I’m sit! ing
sadly on the strand, that stretches to
the water's brink ; and as the day slips
slowly by, I idly fold my hands and
think.” While he is sitting on the
strand with idly folded hands his family
at home may be suffering for the neces
saries of life. He should skirmish
around before the day slips slowly by
and secure a job of digging a cellar.
Abraham wis the first sick man. Ha
had Hagar in the wilderness.
To. Archbishop Whately is ascribed
this paradox: “The larger the income
the harder it is to live within it.”