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PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
R. 11. JONES,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBERTGN, GA.
Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly
SHANNON & WORLEY,
ATT OENEYS AT LAW,
ELRERTON, GA.
W" ILL PRACTICE IX TIIE COURTS OF
the Northern Circuitand Franklin county
g@“Special attention given to collections.
J. S. BARXETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HLBBRTGK, GA.
JOHN T. OSBORN,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELBEKTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS
and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
to the collection of claims. nevl7,ly
A. E- HUNTER, M. ID.
PRACTICING PHY SICIAN
Office over the Drug store,
ELRERTON, GEORGIA.
WILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL
cases. [Ang22,6m
ELRERTON BUSINESS CARDS.
L!GHfCARRifIGES&^BUGGIES.
J. F. AULD
Carriage Manufact’r
ELRERTON, GEORGIA.
WITH GOOD WORKMEN!
LOWEST PRICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE
OE 27 YEARS,
He hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggies, warranted, - $126 to $l6O
R EPAIRING AND BLACKSAIITHING.
Work done in this line in t very best style.
The Best Harness
TERMS CASH.
My 2 2-1 v
J. M. BARFIELD,
the heal live
Fashionable Tailor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELRERTON, GEORGIA.
SSTCaII and See Him.
T. M. SWIFT. J. K. SWIFT.
TIIOS. M. SWIFT & CO.,
Dealers in
HUM MIMl!
At the old stand of Swift & A'rnold,
BLBBRTGS, GA.
TD ESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A CONTINU
AL ance of the patronage hitherto awarded
lie hotis , promising every effort on their part
to merit the same. jan.s
THE ELBERTON
DRUG STORE
H. 0. EDMUNDS, Proprietor.
Has always on hand a full line of
Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines
Makes a specialty of
STATION RY A ™
PERFUMERY
Anew assortment of
WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES
Plain and fancy, just received, including a sup
ply ot LEGAL CAP.
CIGARS AND TOBACCO
of all varieties, constantly on hand.
NEW STORE! NEW GOODS!
I. G. SWIFT,
Will keep on hand
FLOUR, MEAT, LARD. SUGAR, COF
FEE, HAMS, CHEESE, CAN
NED GOODS, &c.&c.
And other articles usually kept in a first-class
Provision Store, which will be sold
Cheap for CASK and Cash Only.
F. W. JACOBS,
HOUSE & SIGH PAINTER
Glazier and Grainer,
ELBERTON, GA.
Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed.
CENTRAL HOTEL
MRS. W. M THOMAS,
PROPRIETRESS,
AUGUSTA GA
SEND 25e. to G P. ROWELL & CO., New York
for Pamphlet of 100 pages, containing lists
of 3,000 newspapers and estimates showing
eost of advertising. Iy
THE GAZETTE.
New Series.
A BAPTIST BROTHER GIVES HIS OPIN
ION ABOUT THE PRESBYTERIANS.
A lady correspondent of the ‘'lndependent”
gives a sketch of a sermon she heard in Geor
gia nearly a half a century ago, from which we
give an extract:
The preacher was apparently about fifty years
of age, large, muscular and well proportioned.
On entering the pulpit he took off his coat and
hung it on a nail behind him, then opened his
collar and wristbands, and wiped the perspira
tion from his face, neck and hands. He was
clad in striped cotton home-pun, and Ins shirt
was of the same material. lie had traveled
several miles that morning, and seemed almost
overcome by the heat. But the b ethren sung
a couple of hymns while he was fanning and
cooling off', and when he rose he looked com
fortable and good-natured.
He preached there once or twice before, but to
most of the audience he was a stranger. Hence
he thought it necessary to announce himself,
which he did as “Old Club Ax Davis, from
Scriven county, a Half-Hard and Half-Soft
Shell Baptist.”
“I have given myself that name,” said he,
“because I believe the Lord elected me, from
all eternity, to go ahead in the backwoods and
grub out a path and blaze the way for other
men to follow. After the thickest of it is cut
away, a good warm Methodist brother will come
along and take my trail, and make things a little
smoother and a good deal nicer. And after all
the underbrush is cleared out and the owls and
wolves a skeered back, and rattlesnakes is killed
off, a Presbyterian brother, in black broadcloth
and white cravat, will come along and cry for
decency and order. And tbey’li both do good
in their spere. I don’t despise a larnt man,
even when he don’t dress and think as I do
You couldn’t pay me enough to wear broadcloth,
summer nor winter, and you couldn’t pay a
Presbyterian brother enough to go without it in
dog-days.
“God didn’t make us all like, my brethren ;
but every man has his own spere. When |God
has a place to fill, he makes a man and puts him
in it When lie wanted General Jackson, he
made him, and set him to fightin’ Injuns and
the English ; when he wanted George Whitfield,
he made him tor to blow the gospel trumpet as no
other men ever blowed it; and when he wanted
Old Club Ax Davis, he made him, and set him
to grubbin’ in the backwoods.
“But my shell isn’t so hard but I can see good
pints in everybody; and as for the Presbyterians,
they are a long way a head of us Baptists and
Methodist in some things. They raise their chil
dren better than any people on the face of the
earth. Only a lew days ago a Methodist class
leader said to me ‘Brother Club Ax, I was born
a Methodist, 1 was raised a Methodist, and by
the grace of God 1 hope to die a Methodist; but,
thank God, I’ve got a Presbyterian wife to raise
my children.’ And I believe, my brethren, if
the Lord should open the way for me to marry
agin, I’d try my best to find a Presbyterian wo
man, and run my chances of breakup her into
the saving doctrines of feet-washin’ aad immer
sion afterward ”
Just at this point he was interrupted by two
spotted hounds that had been continually run
ning up and down the puipit-stair. One of them
jumped upon the seat and began to knaw his
coat tail, in which was something he had
brought along for lunch. Hu turned slowly
around and took him by the ears and tail and
threw him out of the window behind him,, as
easily as if it had been a young kitten. The
other took warning, and got out as rapidly asjpos
sible, though not without howling and yelping
as if it had been half killed. He then turned
to the audience, and said, smilingly : “St. Paul
exhorted the brethren to ‘Beware of dogs.’ I
wonder what lie would do if he were in my
place this morning. It appears that lam ‘com
passed about with dugs,’ as David says lie was.”
He had scarcely commenced preaching again
before there was a terrible squealing and kick
ing among the mules and horses that were tied
to trees close bv- He put his head out of the
window, and said : “No harm done, niv brethren.
Just a creatur with a side-saddle on has'broken
loose. Will some brother head the animal, for
no sister can walk home this hot day.”
Quiet being restored be continued :
“Well, my bre liren, I will now try to say what
I allowed to about the Presbyterians.
“As 1 said before, they raise their children a
heap better than we do. They behave better in
church, and keep Sunday better, and read the
Bible and learn the Catechism better than ours
do. I declare, my brethren, their children are
larnt that Westminster Catechism by the time
they can begin to talk plain.
“It ain’t three weeks since I was out a cat'lo
huntirP—for two of my yearlin’s hau strayed off
—and I stopped in at old brother Harkey’s, on
Mud Creek, and took dinner. He’s a deacon in
the Presbyterian church over thar. Well, ns
true as 1 stand here, my brethren, sister Harkey
had her little gal-a-standiu’ right before her,
with toes just even with the crack o’ the floor,
and her hands was a bangin’ down by her side,
and her mouth turned up like a chicken when it
drinks, und she was puttin’ this question to her
out o’ that Catechism :
“‘What are the benefits which in this life do
either accompany or flow from justification,
adoption, and sanctification?’
“Now, the question itself was enough to
break the child down. But when she had to be
gin to say that question all over (for that’s the
way it was in the book) ami ilien hitch the an
swer to it, and which, all put together, made
this : ‘The benefits which in this life do either
accompany or flow from justification, adoption,
and sanctification are peace of conscience, joy
in the Holy Ghost, increase of grace, and per
severance therein to the end.’ I thought the
child the greatest wonder I had ever seen in all
my life. She tuck it right through, too, with
out balkin’ or missin’ the first word. And she
spoke so sweet and she looked so like a little
angel, that before I knew it the tears was a run
ning’ down ray cheeks as bigas buck-shot. I’ve
seen the day when 1 could have mat.ld and split
a thousan’ rails quicker and easier than I could
learnt that tiling, and said it off like she did.
“Now, my brethren, that child didn’t under
stand or know the meanin’ of one word o’ that.
It put me up to all I knew to take it in myself.
But just let that Presbyterian young un grow
up, and every word ot that Catechism will cotue
back to her, and her character will stiffen up
under it, and she’ll have the backbone of the
matter in her for life.
“Now, I can’t put thingsinto my children that
way. Nothin’ don't stay, somehow. It’s like
drivin’ a nail into a rotten log,”
This last remark I never forgot. For thirty
years afterward, as would I stand at the black
board trying to fix rules and principles in the
mind of a dull pupil, this remark would come
back to me with its peculiar pertinency.
“I tell you, my' brethren, lie continued, “if
our children had a little more Catechism, and
the Presbyterians a little less, it would be better
for both.
ESTABLISHED 1859.
ELBERTON, GA., OCT’M 25, 1876.
“Then we don’t pray in our fanrlies like they
i do. I know their prayers are mighty long, and
they pray all over creation : but, after all, it’s
the right w-ay. It’s better than prayin’ too little
“Now, my father and mother was good Bap
tists, and raised their children to be honest and
ondustrious; but I never heard one of them
iray in my life, and I was most a grown man
pef'ore I ever prayed a prayer myself, and it was
I bn this wise :
“There was to be a big meetin’ over in Elbert
| county, and I knowed a pretty gal over thar that
; I wanted to go to see. So I borrowed a little
! Jersey wagin’ which was a stylish thing in them
| days and went over to her house and stayed all
j night, and engaged her io ride to meetin’ with
i me next day, which was Sunday.
; “We went and had a glorious time—and I
j may as well say right here that she was aftei
j ward my wife—but a cornin’ home I met with a
] powerful accident that I've never got over to
! this day. As i was a cornin’ down a hill, some
part of the glarin’ gave way and let me and the
wagin on my creator's heels ; and bein’ young
skeery and not much used to W'heels, she w rig
gled and kicked and tore from one side of the
I road to the other, till I was pitched as much as
ten foot, into a deep gully, and it’s a miracle of
mercy that my neck wasn’t broke on the spot.
“Expectin' to be killed every miuit, I thought
I ought to ask the Lord for mercy. But, as I
had never prayed in all my life, I'couldn’t think
of the first thing to say but the blessin’ my
fa'lier used to ask before eatin’ when we Lad
company, and which was this : -Lord, make us
thankful for what we’re about to receive.’
“Now, nay brethren, do you ’spose any Pres
byterian boy was ever put to such a strait as
that for a prayer? No. He would have prayed
for himself and gone off' after the Jews and the
heathens, while I was a huntin’ up and a-getiu’
off that blessin’.”
THE CIRCUMSTANCES ABOUT COOLEY’S
CAT.
San Francisco Call ]
There came a bigexcitement over at Cooley’s,
on Tuesd y, about their cat. They heard the
cat howling and scratching somewhere around
the house for two or tliiee days, but the}’ could
not find her. Cooley use to get up at night
fairly maddened with the noise, and heave things
out of the hack window at random, hoping to
hit her and discourage her. But she never
seemed to mind them, and although eventually
he fired off pretty nearly every movable thing in
the house, except the piano, she continued to
shriek and scream in a manner that was simply
appalling. At last, on Tuesday, Cooley made a
critical examination of the premises, and, guided
by the noise, he finally located the cat in the
tin water spout, which descends the north wall
ot the house. He thinks the cat must have been
skylarking on Hie roof some dark night, and
accidentally dropped into the spout.
Cooley tried to shake her down by hammer
ing on the spout with a stick ; but the more he
pounded the louder she yelled,and tlie two noises
roused the entire neighborhood, and attracted’
the attention of the police. Then he procured
a clothes-prop, and ascending to the roof, he
endeavored to push the animal out. But the
stick was not long enough to reach her. All it
was good for was to make her howl mote loudly,
and it did that. At last Cooley concluded to
take the spout down and coax the cat out.
When lie got it on the ground he peeped in at
the end, and could see the animal’s eyes shining
like balls of fire far back in tlie darkness of the
hole. After shaking her up for a while without
inducing her to move, he made up his mind that
-he must be jammed in the pipe and unable to
budge. Ho wanted to cut the pipe open, but
Aleck Jones said it would be a pity to spoil such
a good spout for a mere cat.
do Cooley finally determined to blow her out
with powder, lie procured a small charge, and
pushing it pretty well in with a stick, he ••tamp
ed'’ the end of the spout with clay and lighted
the slow match. Two minutes later there was
an explosion, and the tamping clay flew out and
struck Aleck Jones v ith sonic violence in the
stomach, curling him up in the grass flat by the
pump. When he recovered his breath lie got
up and said:
••Hang your old cat! It’s an outrage for you
to be endangering the lives of people with your
diabolical schemes for getting at a beast that
ought to have been killed long ago.”
Then Aleck sullenly got over the fence and
went home, and tlie cat meanwhile kept up a
yowling that made every body’s hair stand on end.
Cooley- said lie made a mistake in not placing
tlie butt of the spout against something solid.
„vnd so, after put ing in a couple of pounds of
powder, he turned the spout up and rested the
end upon the ground, proping itagiinst tlie
pump. Tiienjhe lighted the slow match and the
crowd scattered There was a‘loud explosion, a
geneiai di.-.tribution ot fragments of tin around
the yard, and then out from the uper-end of the
spout there sailed something biack. It ascended,
it went higher and higher, and higher, until it
was a mere speck.
Then it came sailing down,down, down, until
it struck the earth, It was the cat. singed off',
burned to a crisp, looking as if it had been
spending the summer in Vesuvius, but apparent
ly still active and hearty, for as soon as it
alighted it set up a wild, unearthly screech and
darted off' for the woodshed, where it countinued
to,howl until Cooley went in and killed it with his
shot gun. It cost him S4O for his new spout,
but he says he doesn’t grudge the money, now
that he has stopped that fiendish noise.
PLAYING WITH FIRE.
If the Republican leaders Lave not
lost their senses they will make haste
to warn Governor Chamberlain, of South
I Carolina. He is playing with lire. He
I is evidently stilling up trouble in order
I that he may have an excuse for calling
J on the Federal Goverment to interfere
|in the election. Fortunately this is a
| trick which has been played so often in
j Louisiana, in Mississippi, in Alabama,
and elsewhere in the South, that it is
now understood in the North and if the
Northern Republican leaders are base
enough to play in Chamberlain s hands
to allow him to use them for his pur
poses, in the hope that his victory will
help them—if they do this they will be
tween now and November cause a revo
lution in public sentiment against them
all through the Northern States. This
is not Mexico. The war ceased eleven
years ago ; and all sensible men in the
North believe that it is now time to let
the Southeni States manage their own
affairs, and believe this because they see
that wherever Federal interfence has not
been caused peace has come at once -New
York Herald.
Something about dogs—fleas.
SAREPTA ASSOCIATION.
We are indebted to brother W. C. Howard, the
excellent and beloved clerk of this Association,
for additional facts to those given in our last
issue, relative to the proceeding^of tlie meeting
of this venerable body.
The session held at Candler’s Cieek church,
Jackson county, on the 2Gth, 27th and 28th ult.,
was the 77th anniversary, the Association hav
ing been organized in 1799. W. B. J. Hadman,
Harmony Grove, was elected Moderator, and
brother Howard, clerk.
The high estimate in which brother H. is held
by his brethren is shown by tiie fact that he lias
been elected to this responsible office continu
ously since the session at Hartwell, in 18G8.
The session was very well attended Oy dele
gates, visitors and the people generally, from
the surrounding country. Avery good Chris
tian spirit prevailed among the brethren.
The membership agregates about 4,979. Of
this number, only 250 are blacks.
There are forty—one churches regularly repre
sented in the body. These are located in Elbert,
Oglethorpe, Madison, Hart, Banks and Jackson
counties. Tlie extent of territory is about sixty
milc-s in length, and about forty in width.
Three hundred and fifty—two persons were
baptised within tlie bounds of the Association
during the past year.
Interest was manifested in Mission and Sab
bath-school work, and the temperance cause
was commended and encouraged.
The Association resolved to contribute to tlie
education of two young men in its bounds, who
arc impressed to preach, and who need aid in
procuring the education needed to fit them fora
successful prosecution of tlie holy calling.
[’lodges were obtained at the meeting amount
ing to $135, and bale of cotton tor this purpose.
The names of these young men arc .T. J. Beck
and James Willis, of Elbert county. Brother
Thos. B. Moss, the very efficient Treasurer of
the Association, wlto lives at Lexington, Ogle
thorpe county, and who is one of the foremost
educators in Georgia, is to be their preceptor.
The next meeting ot the Association will bo held
at Sardis, Hart county, five miles east of Hait
well, beginning on Friday before the fourth Sab
bath in September, 1877.—[Index.
NO OCCUPATION--A GRAVE MISTAKE.
We recently read a sad letter from an
ambitious young man. He had been
unfortunate, in some respects; but life
lay before him and he was ambitious;
be experienced, however, a double mis
fortune, in this world in which there is
so much to do, from not knowing how
to do anything. “My father,” he wrote
“did not think it worth while for me to
to |earn any trade or business.” He
had been thrown on his own resources,
and although now a man in stature and
years, he was a mere infant in his ca
pacity to et rn a living.
''"How awkward ! What a misfortune !
Yet such cases frequently come under
our observation ; and they lead us to
look upon the culpability as very great
of any parent who brings up a sc n with
out having him practically and thor
oughly instruted in some way of earning
an honest living.
Every man should have some profes
sion or trade ; should know how to do
something, then, whether he steadfastly
pursues it not, he at least has an oc
cupation to which, in an emergency, he
may resort for the support of himself
and others who may be dependent upon
him.
A pratical knownothing is greatly to
be pitied in this practical world.—Led
ger.
CHEATING THE DEVIL.
“Cheating the Devil” was the subject
of a sermon in Unity Chapel, Harlem,
by the Rev. William T. Clarke. He
said that the prevalent idea of Chris
tianity is that, an elaborate trick is play
ed on the devil in ihe interests of its be
lievers ; that one may sell himself to the
devil and take pay in the pleasures and
prizes of the world, and when sick of
the bargain escape from its obligations
by repentance, roll the sweet bait of
wickedness under the tongue until
satiated and then spit out the hook and
leave the devil with his rod and line ;
buy the devil’s good on a long credit
without paying a penny for them, and
then take the benefit of the theological
bankrupt act, and leave him to whistle
for his recompense. This piece of the
ological trickery -is a substratum for the
frauds of business and the chicanery of
politics. Bank directors who have
squandered the savings of the poor,
Judges who rob the orphans of trust
money, municipal thieves, Congressmen
and Cabinet ministers whose hands are
full of bribes, are following the doc
trine of cheating the devil. Even among
the educated there are hundreds who ,
sympathize with the man who always
took off his hat when the devil was men
tioned, not out of respect but because
he did not know'what might happen. The
idea that a man can cheat and lie until
all virtue is squeezed out of bis soul like
the juice from a pressed orange, and
then shuffle off all the effects by some
process of spiritual legerdemain and
| come out heroic, happy and holy is an
insult to intelligence.
THE CROOK*!!! HIS TAIL.
“My friends,” said a returned mission
| ary, at one of the late anniversary meet
| iggs, “let us avoid sectarian bitterness.
The inhabitants of Hindostan, where I
have been laboring for many years, have
a proverb that, ‘Though you bathe a
dog’s tail in oil and bind it in splints,
yet you cannot get the crook out of it.’
Now, a man’s sectarian bias is simply
the crook in the dog’s tail, which cannot
be eradicated, and I hold that every one
should be allowed to wag his own pecu
liarity in peace ”
* >
It takes a pretty smart man to tell
when he is happy.
Vol. Y.-'No. 26.
WHAT SMITH’S BOY SAID.
A fanffly named Smith has recently
moved to Germantown, and Mr. Brown’s
boy, on Saturday, leaned over the fonco
and gave to our reporter his impressions
of Mr. Smith’s boy. a lad about fourteen
years old :
“Yes, me and him are right acquainted
now ; he knows more’n I do, and ho has
had some experience. Bill says his
father used to be a robber (Smith by the
way, is a deacon in the Presbyterian
church and a very excellent lawyer,) and
he has $10,000,000 in gold buried in his
cellar, along with a whole lot of human
bones, people he’s killed. And he says
his fathers is a conjurer and that he
makes all the earthquakes that happen
anywhere in the world. The old man’ll
come home at night, after there’s been
an earthquake, all severed with sweat,
and so tired he can hardly stand ; Bill
says it’s such hard work.
“Ancl Bill tole me that once when a
man came round there trying to sell
lightning rods, his father got mad and
et him, et him right up, and he takes
bites out of everybody he comes acrost.
“That’s what Bill tells me. That’s all
I know about it. And he tole me that,
oiico he used to have a dog, one of these '
little kind of dogs, and ho was flying ,
his kite, and just for fun ho tied the kite |
string onto the dog’s tail. And then i
the wind struck her and the dog went j
boomin’ down the street, with his hind j
legs in the air for about a mile, when j
the kite ail of a sudden began to go up, \
and in about fifteen minutes the dog was I
about fifteen miles high, and command- |
iug a view of California, and Egypt, and j
Oshkosh, I think Bill said. Ho came
down anyhow, I know, in Brazil, and
Bill said he swum home all the way in
the Atlantic ocean, and when he land
ed his legs were ah nibbled off by
sharks.
“I wish father’d by me a dog, so’s I
could send him up that way. But I nev
er had no luck. Bill said that where
they used to live he went out on the roof
one day to fly his kite, and he sat on
the top of the chimbly to give her plen
ty of room, and while he was sitting
there thinking about nothing, the old
man put a keg of powder down below in
the fire place to clean soot out of the
chimbly. And when he touched her off
Bill was blowed over agiu the Baptist
church steeple, and he landed on the
weather-cock with his pants torn, and
they couldn’t get him down in three j
days, so he hung there, going round !
and round with the wind, and he lived
by eating the crows that came and sat
on him, because they thought he was
made of sheet-iron and put up there on
purpose.
“He's had more fun than enough. He
was telling me the other day about a
sausage stuff’er bis brother invenred. It
was a kinder machine that worked with
a treadle and Bill said that the way
they did in tlie fall was to fix it on to
the hog’s back, and then the hog’d work
the treadle and keep on running it up
and down until the machine cut the hog
all up fine and shoved the meat into the
skins. Bill said his brother called it j
‘Every Hog His Own Stuffer,’ and it
worked splendid. But I don’t know.—
’Pears to me’s if there couldn’t be no
machine like that. But any way Bill
said so.
“And he tole me about an uncle of his
in Australia who was et by a big oyster
once, and when he got inside he staid !
there until he’d et the oyster. Then he *
split the shell open and took half a one ;
for a boat, and he sailed along until he !
met a sea serpent, and lie killed it and
drawed off its skin, and when he got
home he sold it to an engine company j
for a hose for $40,000, to put out fires !
with. Bill said that was actually so, he- !
cause he could show me a man who used i
to belong to the engine company. 1 j
wish father’d let me go and find a sea
serpent like that but he don't let me I
have a chance to distinguish myself.
“Bill was saying only yesterday that j
the Indians caught him once and drove j
eleven railroad spikes through his stom i
acb, and cut off his scalp, and it never
hurt him a bit. He got away by the \
daughter of the chief sneaking him out I
of the wigwam and lending him a horse, j
Bill says she was in love with him, and j
when I asked him to let me see the holes
j where they drove in them spikes, he said
I he*daresn’t take off’ his clothes or he’d |
' bleed to death. He said his own father I
| didn’t know it because Bill was afraid it j
I might worry the old man.
| “And Bill tole mo they wasn't going
to get him to go to Sunday-school. Ho
says bis father has a brass idol that he
keeps in the garret, and Bill says he has
made up his mind to be a pagan, and to
begin to go naked, and carry a toma
hawk and a bow and arrow as soon as
the warm weather comes. And to prove
it to me he says his father has this town
all underlaid with nitro-glycerine, and
as soon as he gets ready he’s going to
blow the old thing out, and bust her up,
let her rip and demolish her. He said
so at the dam, and tole me not to tell
anybody, but I thought they'd be no
harm in mentioning it to you.
“And jiow I believe I must be going.
I hear Bill a whistling. Maybe he’s got
something else to tell me.”
[Max Adder.
A mother trying to get her little
daughter of three years to sleep, one
night, said, “Anna, why don’t you try
to go to sleep ?” “I’m trying she re
plied. “But yon haven’t shut your
eyes yet.” “Well, I can’t help it •, um
comes unbuttoned.”
A DISAPPOINTED MAID.
Miss Stokes Considers work very utl
lady-like, and kitchen labor perfectly
shocking.” But when an industrious
and sensible young man began occasion
ally to drop in and spend an evening, she
very wisely refrained from expressing
these convictions, after hearing him oil
several occasions severely denounce the
frivolity and indolence so fashionable at
present with many of tho young ladies
tlie of country.
Entertaining a high regard for tho
i young man, she determined to surprise
i him by somejgrcat featof her industry and
| perseverance, and last evening as they
I were seated together on tho parlor sofa,
j after the conversation had began to flag*
j she artfully allowed a sigh to escape
her.
“Are you unwell?” lie very tenderly
inquired.
“No, I am quite well.”
“But yon sighed,” he persisted.
“Yes; but I suppose it was because I
felt so tired.”
“Have you been busy ?”
“Oh! yes, indeed,” was tho reply,
j “Why, would you believe it? I cut out
; a towel and made it all by myself to
i day.”
j There has been a coldness between
' the parties ever since, tho reason of
which she liar, never boon fully able to
: explain, but she angrily remarked the
| next morning that some men were fool
ish enough to imagine that a woman
j ought to be able to do'more work in ono
day than a fifty horse power steam en
| gine.
<2l> t>
At the recent Anthrnpogieal Congress
| at Jena, Privy Councilor Sclmsi’liausen
! read a paper on the color of complexion
eyes and hair,. Ho said that blue eyes
indicate a lack of coloring which
originally proceeded from inferior
nourishment, and was evidence of a
weaker organization than is possessed
by persons of dark eyes. The let* col
oring matter thoro is, tho lighter tho
lino of the eye, until, by reason of its
utter absence, the blood vessels becomo
visible, and the eye is red, as is the causo
with the Albinos. The fact that people
living in the country, other things be
ing equal, have light colored eye more
frequently than those living in cities is
accpunted for by [the inferior nutritive
value of the vegetable food of tho former
as compared with the moat and beer of
the people of the cities. It the ming
ling of the blonde and dark typos, the
latter usually shows tho greater vitality,
and tlie children assume the darker
complexion. The blonde complexion
usually carries with it a finer organiza
tion (and a higher and thinner voice.
Of sopranos and tenors, a majority have
light colored eyes and a light complex
ions. while of most alto singers, and
particularly of bassos, tho reverse is
true. The fact that light hair and eyes
are more numerous in northern than in
sourthern countries is attributed to tho
colder climate, which consumes the pig
ments of those features. Dr. Scliaaf
hausen’s conclusions were based on sta
tistics carefully gathered.
PAYING HI9 POLL TAX.
A Burlington man was observed whit
tling a pine stick with an air of content
ed idleness and a satisfied smile playing
around the corner of his mouth. “Haint
at work to-day, ch ?”
“No,” was the reply. “Made a day’s
wages, to-day, though.”
“Why, how’s that? How much did
you make.?”
“Made two dollars and a half, clear
gain,” responded the whittlcr, the quiet
smile deepening and giving vent to a
chuckle. “Wish ’could do as well every
day.”
“How’d you make two dollars and a
half and not do anything ?” said the first
speaker.
“Easy ’nougb. Paid inp poll tax.”
“Paid your poll tax ? How did you
make two dollars and a half by paying
your poll tax ?”
“Easy ’nougb, I toll you. If I hadn't
paid it pretty soon it would have cost
more, wouldn’t it ?”
“Yes, of course it would. But you
had to pay two dollars. How did you
make that?”
“Oh,” said the whittlcr, brushing tho
shavings from his clothes, “I borrowed
the two dollars.”
< ♦ -
SOMETHING TANGIBLE,
A. near-sighted man out on South Hill
went wandering around among his cur
rant bushes yesterday afternoon and
stooped down and pulled a live Centen
nial wasp’s nest up by the roots to seo
what it was. He didn’t get it anywhere
near the focus of his eyes before he had
an idea that it was a flatiron that some
woman had set out to cool; then ho
thought it might he a concentrated case
of prickly heat; and then it dawned up
on him that he bad picked up a raw
thunderbolt, and finally his heart went
clear down in his boots as he realized
that he had got hold of the dangerous
end of the Hell Gate explosion and pull
ed it off.—[Burlington Hawkeye.
♦ * -
Cheerful paragraphs like this have
been floating lately before the vision of
New Yorkers: “Dynamite closely ro
sembles brown sugar, for which it is
doubtless sometimes sold. Jobbing a
spoon into it hard will explode it. In
the form of nitro-glycerine it looks like
poor butter. Tho only safe way is for
boarding house keepers to buy tho best
of everything.”
* 4* ♦
A subscriber to a South-Western pa
per died recently, leaving four years’
subscription unpaid. The editor ap
peared at the grave and deposited in
the coffin a palm leaf fan, a linen coat
and a thermometer.
“Why do you use paint 1” asked a vio
linist of his daughter. “For the same
reason that you use rosin, papa.” “How
is that?” “Why, to help me draw my
beau.”
In what ship has tho greatest Hum
ber of people been wrecked ? Courtship-.
