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f-PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
it?hTjoses^
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HLBER79N, Gft.
Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly
SHANNON & WORLEY,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
ELBERTOX, GA.
W r ILL PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OP
the Northern Circuitand Franklin county
attention given to collections.
J. S. HARNETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBBRTOBf, GA.
JOHN T. OSBORN,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELBEKTON, GA.
TT7 IEL PRACTICE'IN SUPERIOR COURTS
V V and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
to the collection of claims. nevl7,ly
A. E- HUNTER, M. I).
PRACTICING PHYSICIAN
Office over the Drug St^re,
ELBERTON, GEORGIA.
WILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL
cases. [Aug22,6m
EEBERTON BUSINESS CARRS.
uafiYcAßßiAOES&rmfirts.
J. F. AULD
Carriage TOanufact-r
Elj IIE RTO N, GEO 31 G l A.
WITH GOOD WORKMAN!
LOWEST I'll ICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE
OF 27 YEARS,
lie hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to $l6O
R EPAIRING AND RLACKSMITIIINO
Work done in this line in t very best style.
The Best Harness
TERMS CASH.
fc y22-lv
“ J. M. BARFIELD,
THE REAE LIVE
Fashionable Tailor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELDGRrON, GEORGIA.
s€rCall and See Him.
T. M. SWIFT. 3. K. SWIFT.
TIIOS. M. SWIFT & CO.,
ceiiul ilicosm
At the old stand of Swift & Arnold,
HLBERTGK, GA.
RESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A CONTINU
ance of the patronage hitherto awarded
lie hous , promising every effort on their part
to merit th* same. jan.s
THE ELBERTON
DRUG STROE
H. 0. EDMUNDS, Proprietor.
Has always on hand a full line of
Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines
Makes a specialty of
STATIONERY An
PERFUMERY
Anew assortment of
WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES'
Tlain and fdney just received, including a sup
ply of LEGAL CAP.
CI GA R SAN I) T O BAG C O
of all varieties, constantly on hand.
NEW STORE! NEW GOODS!
I. G. SWIFT.
Will keep on hand
FLOUR, MEAT, LARD. SUGAR, COF
FEE, HAMS, CHEESE, CAN
NED GOODS, &c.&c.
And other articles usually kept in a first-class
Provision Store, which will he sold
Cheap for CASH and Cash Only.
F. W. JACOBS,
HOUSE S SIGH PAINTER
Glazier and Grainer,
ELBERTON, GA.
Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed
CENTRAL HOTEL
MRS. W. M THOMAS,
PROPRIETRESS,
AUGUSTA GA
SEND 25c. to G P. ROWELL & CO., New York
for Pamphlet of 100 pages, containing lists
of 3,000 newspapers and estimates showing
cost of advertising. ly
THE GAZETTE.
jNTew Series.
For The Gazette.]
EXAMINATION OF 00L0EED SCHOOL.
In compliance with an invitation, some ten or
twelve (white) gentlemen attended an-examina
tion of the colored school at Bethel Grove,
on Saturday, 21st instant. W. W. Morrison,
principal teacher, has been a student in the
Clarke University at Atlanta, and appears to be
a modest, unassuming, polite gentleman, and he
certainly has displayed an aptitude to teach and
to control a school truly noticeable and praise
worthy, especially when we consider the rough
ness of the material upon which he has had to
exert his powers and the palpable improvement
and polish manifest.
We confess to some misgivings—the thought
of humbuggery, of farce, and of sham, annoyed
us a good deal ; but like the traveler who many
years ago found a stocking loom in operation in
a mountain gulch in northern Georgia—we
were surprised.
The examination was opened w ith singing
and prayer, and we were favored with songs as
well as with music on the drum and fife at con
venient intervals during the day. The negroes,
like the birds of the air, were made to sing, and
like the birds they sing with the untutored voice
of nature —and they sing sweetly.
The school numbers some fifty scholars, of
both sexes, ranging from very small boys and
girls to those who are nearly or quite grown.
The classes were well arranged, and not to go
into tedious and useless detail, we will say
lst —the class in spelling spelled every word
given them to spell by the teacher—every ques
tion asked was correct'y answered. The class
in arithmetic worked readily every sum on their
slates and on the black-board, ani reported the
answers, with a single exception, and he missed
by an error in a single figure. The class in*
geography answered every question, and in K-ig
lith grammar the same result was reached. The
reading class read well, and the definitions of all
the important words in the chapters read
promptly and correctly given, as well as all the
punctuation marks or points.
After the examination of the classes, we were
regaled with a sumptuous dinner, spread on ta
bles and on cloths spread on the ground in the
beautiful grove. We had turkey and chicken,
roast pig and lamb, cakes and pies in abundance,
and without fear of successful contradiction, we
record the fact that “we did eat and were filled.”
Alter dinner we were entertained with at least
fifty speeches. They were delivered fluently
and rapidly. The speakers for the most part
knew their speeches well, and they seemed to
have nothing to do bat to open their mouths and
out they caute, some weie more deliberate, enun
ciated well—more distinctly—these spoke well.
I noted one thing in the speakers, they never
break down, they will not stop if they forget,
and get bothered, they supply out of their own
resources or skip to where they do know, and
on they go. We white folks get choked and re
tire from the stAge. But the negro, like the mur
dered ghost of Banquo,“wont down,” lie goes on
and goes through.
Take the examination all in all, it was cer
tainly a success The negro can learn, he can
be educated, he lias a mind susceptible of en
largement, expansion and of improvement.
Dr. Langston who was present made some
congratulatory remarks that were encouraging
and truthful, and were well received by the large
assemblage. Every right feeling man in the
country wishes the.negro success in every wor
thy eiiterprize and effort. Let him prosper. It ill
befits your correspondent to be otherwise than
the negro’s friend. In the years gone by be
bore the heat and burden of the day tor my
benefit, he withstood the willing heat of the
summer solstice as well as the chilly blasts of
winter for my comfort. I have enjoyed the
usufruct of his labor tor more than sixty years.
I repeat, let him prosper—let him emerge from
the long night of mental inanity, of imponder
able uihilit’ to a position in the body politic
where lie may he weighed and felt. Let him
buckle on the armor of manhood, and let him
prove to the world that freedom is not a disaster
to him, nor to the country in which he lives.
Education will make him a better citizen, a
better laborer, a better mechanic and a better
man ; it will qualify him to fill any and all of
the departments of valuable life. Education in
its tendencies makes us modest and distrustful of
our abilities. The more we know, the more visi
ble becomes the surrounding sphere of darkness,
the more we know, we discover more certainly
how much remains unknown, and the more we
learn, the more we discover how much is still
unlearned ; hence education has a tendency to
make us humble, docile and tractable
In a late interview between Gen. Gordon and
the correspondent of the New York Herald, the
General truthfully said, that in his late tour of
political speech making in South Carolina, that
he discovered the fact that ail the most intelli
gent negroes in that State had allied themselves
w : th the Democratic party.
This :s the result of education, of intelligence
—the negro is enabled thereby to reason, to
think for himself, and cannot be twisted about
like a nose of wax, by carpet-baggers and seal
awags.
Mr. Editor. I am glad that I attended the ex
amination —I am glad that my eyes are open.
“I no longer see men as trees walking.” We
believe W. \V Morrison to be a good teacher,
tut honorable, upright man, and deserves the
confidence of the public; and is entitled Cos his
pro rata share of the funds appropriated by the
government for educational purposes.
Cuftos.
* jp, *
OLD MAN.
Bow. low the bead, boy ; do reverence
to tbe old man, as be passes slowly
along. Once like you, the vicissitudes
of life have silvered tbe hair and chang
ed the round face to tbe worn visage be
fore you. Once that heart beat with
aspirations co-equal to any you have
felt; aspirations crushed by disappoint
ment, as yours are perbads destined to
be. Once that form stalked proudly
through tbe gay scenes of pleasure the
beau ideal of grace ; now the hand of
Time, that withers the flower of yester
day, has warped that figure and destroy
tliat noble carriage. Once, at your age,
he had the thousand thoughts that pass
through your brain—now wishing to
accomplish something worthy of a nook
in fame ; anon imagining life a dream
j that the sooner he woke from the better.
\ But he has lived the dream very near
! through. The time to awake is very
! near at hand; yet his eye ever kindles
|at old deeds of daring, and his hand
; takes a firmer grasp of the staff Bow
j low the head, boy, as you would in your
1 old age be reverenced.
ESTABLISHED 1859.
ELBERTOX, GA,, XOY’R 1,1876.
A GRANGER AT THE CENTENNIAL.
Many strangers at the centennial are
not yet aware that they can’t get out
even for a moment, and get back on tbe
same entrance fee. I saw an old man,
evidently a granger try it the other
clay. He says to the man who kept the
gate :
“1 want to go out for a minute. You
will know me when I come back, won’t
you ?”
“Gateman—Yes, I’ll know you by a
fifty cent stamp.
Granger—What did you say! Ain’t
the money that I paid you good for all
day f
Gateman—Yes, it’s good for all day,
if you stay in all day.
Granger— But you see I want a bite
of somethin’ teat. It'll cost me fifty
cents in here.
Gateman—That’s the rule, old man,
and you’ll have to stand it. But Id tell
you what you can do. You can go down
by them pailiags, and there’s some boys
outside will give you a sandwich for 20
cents.
I followed the old gentleman down by
the pailings to witness his investment.
Sure enough he found an auburn-haired
boy with sandwiches, and taking one
through the slats, passed out fifty cents.
Then he held his hand through for his
change
“This is 1870,” says the brick top
Arab.
Granger—Well I guess 1 knowed that
before. Gim my charge.
Arab—This is centennial year.
Granger (snapping his fingers nerv
ously through the crack)—Here, boy ! I
don't wan’t no foolin’. Gim my money
right away.
Arab—Don't you know this is centen
nial year?
Granger—You cussed, infernal, red
headed, low-lived brat of Satan, if you
don’t hurry and gim me thirty cents I’ll
come out there and get a policeman hold
of you.
Arab—Now, mister, that wouldn’t be
business You wouldn’t come out here
and pay fifty cents to get back—just for
thirty cents—and if you were to do it
for spile where’d I be when you got out ?
You see, my old friend, tins is centen
nial year. Have to make our jack this
year. Now you go along nice and qui
et and it’ll be all the same next centen
nial.
Finale—Arab performs a short war
dance and yells: “Run here, run here,
Jimmy ! I've done it to another one of
’em !”
Granger walks off, rubbing his both
ered brow, ana muttering :
“Well, I’ll be eternally dig blasted in
tew gourdseecl if this ain’t the skippinist
place I ever struck.”
[New Y'ork Clipper.
A TEXAS COURT SCENE.
Baltimore American.]
Waco. Texas, Sept. 11. —The court was in
session ; the presiding judge occupied the chair
of slate with all the becoming dignity ; the pris
oner at the bar, arraigned for alledged cruelty
to animals, sat with bowed head w hile the pros
ecuting attorney hurled his thunderbolts, and
gave to the case and tbe prisoner tbe darkest
coloring. The jury nodded until the speaker
commenced berating the council fur detente—
using expression not over complimentary, and
then ihe six pricked up their ears and listened.
The counsel for the defence reminded the
speaker that he was not in the habit of receiv
ing such high compliments in open court. But
the prosecutor, not noticing the interruption,
continued to send his shalts of sarcasm and
abuse with a liberal hand. A table stood be
tween these two loving disciples of Kent, and
the much abused counsel mounting it, began to
lay bis cane about the broad shoulders of the
speaker with a touch which showed how much
he was in earnest. “Lay on, Mac,” cried a voice
from the crowd, “Whatsoever thy bands find to
do, do is with all thy might,” shouted another.
The belabored ntternc-y seizing a chair hurled it
at bis opponent, but it missed its mark and went
crashing against the wall opposite. The cries
of the judge on the bench for “Order! order!”
were drowned in the confussiou.
“Arrest the combatants,” cried the judicial
functuary. One of the attendant officers started
for the hero of the cane, but hadn’t quite reach
ed hint when a friend of the lawyer knocked the
officer down, The judge, seeing the turn ot af
fairs, descended from his lofty seat, and, taking
a six-shooter from the floored officer, said that
he would restore order to the court, at the same
time waving the deadly weapon over his head.
The crowd knew’ the judge too well to doubt for
one moment that he meant what lie said, and
stood not upon the order of their going, but
went at once. When the < loads (created by the
pass ige of musty law books, &c., through the
air durihg the conflict) began to clear up, and
somewhat of the dignity of the court was re
stored, the judge said th t he regretted such a
thing should happen in a Texas court, and re
gretted it the more that his court should be the
scene of -ncli a disgraceful affair, that in the
future when lawyers could not control their
tempers in the court he would give them an op
portunity to repair to a more suitable field,
where they might satiate their thirst for blood.
The attorneys were fined twenty-five dollars,
each, and the gentleman who floored the officer
was called on to pay SIOO as bis share in the
entertainment.
The bank of England covers five acres
of ground, and employs nine hundred
clerks. There are no windows on the
street. Light is admitted through open
courts ; no mob could take tbe bank,
therefore, without cannons to batter the
immense walls. The clock in the center
of the bank has dials attached to it.
Large cisterns are sunk in the court, and
engines in perfect order are always ready
in case of fire. The bank was incorpora
ted in 1691. Capital ninety million dol
lars.
“How [sweet but how bald for one
so young!” is what a young lady re
marked about an infant.
THE DEMON OF DRINK.
The following is an extract from one
| of the lectures of J. J. Talbott, who died
; lately at Elkhart, Ind., from the effects
| of a drunken debauch:
But now’ the struggle is over, I can
j survey the field and measure the losses,
i I had position high and hely. The de
| mon tore from around me the robes of
|my sacred office and sent me forth
| churchless and Godless, a very hissing
: and byword amoug men. Afterward I
i had business large and lucrative, and my
j voice in all large courts was heard plead
ing for justice, mercy and the right.
But the dust gathered on my open books,
and no footfall crossed the the threshold
of the drunkard’s office. I had moneys
ample for all necessities, but they took
wings and went to feed the coffers of the
devils which possessed me. J had a
home adorned with all that wealth and
the most.exquisite taste could suggest.
The devil crossed its threshold and the
light faded from its chambers ; the fire
went out on the holiest of alters, and
leading me through its portals, despair
walked forth with her, and sorrow and
anguish lingered within. I had children,
beautiful, to me at least, as a dream of
the morning, and they had so entwined
themselves around their father’s heart
that no matter where it might wander,
ever it came back to them on the bright
wings of father’s undying love. His de
stroyer took their hands in his and led
them away. I laid a wife whose charms
of mind and person were such that to
see her was to remember, and to know
her was to love. * * * For thirteen
years we wa’lced the rugged path of life
together, rejoicing in its sunshine and
sorrowing in its shade. "This infernal
monster couldn’t spare me even this. I
had a mother who for long, long years
had not left her chair, a victim of suffer
ing and disease, and her choicest delight
was, in the reflection that the lesson
which she had taught at her knee had
taken root in the heart of her youngest
born, and that he was useful to his fel
lows and an honor to her who bore him.
But the thunderbolt reached even there,
and there it did its most cruel work.
Other days may cure all but this. Ah !
m<is; never a word of reproach from her
lips; only tender caresses; onlyashadow
(of a great unspoken grief gathering over
the dear old face ; only a trembling hand
laid more lovingly on my head; only a
closer clinging to the cross ; only a pite
ous appeal to Heaven if- her cup at last
were not full. And while her boy raved
in his wild delirium two thousand miles
away, the pitying angels pushed the
golden gates ajar and the mother of the
drunkard entered into rest.
And thus I'stand : a clergyman with
out cure; a barrister without brief or
business; a father without a child ; a
husband without a wife; a son without a
parent; a man with scarcely a friend ; a
soul without hope—all swallowed up in
the maelstrom of drink.
NEWSPAPERS AT**THE CENTENNIAL.
The Special Correspondent of the London
Times says it would be difficult to find an apter
illustration of the big way in which the Ameri
cans do things than that furnished by the‘-Cen
tennial Newspaper building,” in the Exhibition
grounds. Here you may see any one, or, if you
like, all of the 8,129 rewspapers published regu
larly in the United States, and see them, one and
all. for nothing! You are not only permitted as
a favor to see them, but invited, nay, pressed, to
confer the favor ot entering the building and
calling for what paper you likp. It is about as
coo! and agreeable a place—quite apart from its
iitterary attractions—as a visitor to the Exhibi
tion could wish to he offered a chair in. He may
at first wonder how, among 8,000 papers, among
themsueh mighty sheets as theNcw York Herald,
he is to get at the small, loved print of his home, i
thousands of miles away, it may be, over the
Rocky Mountains. But the management is so
simple that, by consulting the catalogue, or even
without the aid of the catalogue, and one can
at once find whatever paper he wants. They
are pigeon-holed on shelves in the alphabetical
order of their State or Territories and their
towns, the names of which are clearly labelled
on the shelves. The proprietors of the Centen
nial Newspaper Building are advertising agents,
the largest in all Ametica—Messrs. G. P. Rowell
& Cos., of New York. Their enterprise will cost
altogether about $20,000, or £4,000, including
the building and the expenses of “running” it
for six months. The 8,000 and odd American
newspapers are declared by the same authoiity,
to exceed “the combined issues of all other na
tion of the earth.”
A EASTIDIOUSWIFE HUNTER.
A man entered the Chicago Tribune
office and left the following advertise
ment :
Personal.— The advertiser desires to
make the acquaintance of a lady of re
finement and good looks, 5 feet iuch
es high, and weighing about 136 pounds;
bust measure, 39 inchesj; waist measure,
28£ inches; size of boot
glove, s£; complexion, pronounced bru
nette, deep hazel eyes, with a view to
matrimony. Address W., 1,708 Tribune
office.
“Seems to me you are mighty partic
ular about the size and kind of the
wife you want,” observed the advertis
ing clerk.
“Well, perhaps I am, but you see my
wife died before we bad been married
long ; and she hadn’t begun to wear out
her clothes, and her father gave her an
awful sight of ’em, so it seems to me
kinder like flying in the face of Provi
dence when silk and things are so dear
and the country laboring in the throes
of financial convulsion to take another
mate, and let the moths break through,
and rust and corrupt all them duds.—
So I just want a wife to match them
things.”
Vol. V.-ISTo. 27.
TEE BABY'S BED.
The baby should never be allowed in
bed between its parents. Several good
objections must occur to every one; 1
need not name but one. It must, when
thus placed, constantly inhale the pois
onous emanations from the bodies of the
adults. It should sleep in a crib by the
side of its mother’s bed. The best at
all season of the year is one of oat straw.
The straw should be changed, and the
tick (washed as often as once .in two
weeks. This gives little trouble, and in
volves little or no expense, while the
perfect cleanliness and sweetness con
tribute not a little to the baby's health.
During the cold season a woolen blanket
should be spread over the straw bed to
increase the warmth. For covering the
little sleeper woolen blankets should be
used, and all the blankets should be fre
quently washed.
Does he kick up the bed-clothes? Then
fasten them on the side of the crib with
little tapes or little knobs. The little
chap may then kick ever so obstinately,
he can’t uncover himself
The pillows should be straw. I for
got to speak of this in connection with
the bed. The proximate if not the orig
inal cause of a large proportion of deaths
among American babies is some malady
of the brain, when we suppose tim death
to result from dysentery or cholera in
fantum. The immediate cause of death
is an affection of the brain supervening
upon the bowel disease. The heads of
American babies are, for the most part,
little furnaces. What mischief must
come from keeping them buried twenty
hours of every t'venty-four in feather
pillows ! It makes me shiver to think of
the number of deaths among these pre
cious little ones which I have myself
seen, where I had no doubt that cool
straw pillows would have saved them.
The hair pillow is inferior to straw,
because it cannot, like straw, be made
perfectly clean and fresh by a frequent
change. Do not fail to keep their little
heads cool.—[Dio Lewis.
HONEST FOR*A PURPOSE.
One day about three weeks ago a
strange customer came into a Gratiot
avenue grocer. He wanted some goods,
and lie paid the cash down. The next
day lie made another purchase and paid
cash, and as the days went by his face
and cash seemed familiar. One day he
returned with the change given him and
said .
“I believe lam an honest man. Yes
terday you paid me twenty cents too
much.”
The grocer received it and was much
pleased. Two days after that the
stranger returned from the curbstone to
say:
“Another mistake on your part; you
overpaid me by forty cents.”
'The grocer was glad to have found an
honest man, and puzzled to know how
he should have counted so far out of the
way. Three days more and the strang
er picked up a dollar bill in the store and
said : “This is not my dollar. I found
it on the floor, and you must take charge
of it.”
The grocer’s heart melted, and he
wondered if the world was not progress
ing backwards to old-time honesty. A
skip of one day, and then the honest
man brought down a wheelbarrow, or
dered eighteen dollars’ worth of grocer
ies, and would have paid cash had he
not forgotten his pocket-book. He would
Land it in at noon as he went past the
store, he said, and it was all right with
tbe grocer.
That was the last of the honest man ;
morning fades to noon, and noon melts
away into darkness, but he comctb
not. There is|no morejmistakes’in change
• —no more dollar bills on the floor, and
the grocer’s eyes wear a way off ex
pression as if yearning to see someone
about two minutes and a half.
[Fret Press.
EASHIOIT NOTES.
Hats of every kind are to ho worn off
the forehead.
Fancy feathers are to take the place
of ostrich plumes.
Velvet bonnets will take place of felt
ones this winter.
Turbans will be the fashionable round
hat this season.
Greenish tinted cream is the new
shade of this popular color.
Colored beads in thick cable cords are
shown for hat trimmings.
Undressed kid gloves of very dark
shades are now the go.
Parisian ladies are wearing low, loose
coiffures held in nets of wide silk braid.
E 077 THOUGHTFUL.
He was three and twenty and she was
two dr three years younger, and they
had been married only two or three
days. They were standing at tfie coiner
of Broadway and Canal street, New
York, waiting for a car to Central Park,
when, all of a sudden, the bride laid her
hand on his arm and whispered:
“Darling, s’posen you should get
killed and I should be left in this great
city all alone!”
“Never thought of it before,” he re
plied, backing away from the curbstone
a little. Then, pulling a long, red wal
let out of his hind pocket, he counted
out four ten-cent shinplasters and hand
ed them over with the remark :
. “You are right. In the midst of life
we are in death, and you might as well
be prepared in case anything happens to
me.”
GOOD LIVING AND DYSPEPSIA.
Good living is said to cause dyspepsia;
but the most healthy people we have ever
known have been among those who lived
well—who ate freely several times a day
of the most nutritous food. By some it
is said that tobacco, snuff, tea, coffee,
butter, and even bread cause this com
plaint; but whoever will make inquiries on
the subject throughout the community
will find that this is seldom true In fact
dyspepsia prevails, according to my ex
perience, altogether the most among the
temperate and careful—among those who
are careful as regards what they eat and
drink, and the labor they put upon the
stomach, but exceedingly careless how
much labor they put upon that most
delicate organ, the brain. Such people
often eat nothing but by the advice of
the doctor, or some treatise on dyspepsia,
or by weight; nor drink anything that
is not certainly harmless; [they chew
every mouthful until they are confident,
on mature reflection, that it cannot hurt
the stomach. Why, then are they dys
peptics? Because, with all their care
fulness, they pay no attention to the ex
ciment of the brain. They continue to
write two or three sermons or essays
every week, besides reading a volume or
two, with magazines, reviews, newspa
pers and etc., and attending to much
other business calculated to oxcite the
mind. It is not strange that such per
se,ns have nervous and stomach affections,
the constant excitement of the brain
sends an excess of blood to the head,
and therefore other organs are weakened,
and morbid sensibility is produced,
which renders the stomach liable to de
rangement from very slight causes.
THAT OAR WINDOW.
It requires six men, according to the
San Francisco News Letter, to put up a
car window. A young lady gels in, and
having humped around in her seat for
about live minutes, she turns and re
quests the gentleman just behind her to
perform that service. This is a near
sighted individual, who peers around the
window frame some time for the catch,
and then—of course the window sticks—
jerks his linger half off and sits down
witn a red face, amid the giggling of the
schoolgirls opposite. Next, the man in
the front seat puts his lavender colored
knee on a paper of cherries beside him,
clutches and yanks at the knob, and fin
ally falls over into the young lady’s lap.
The cause of all this misery now remarks
that “it doesn't matter,” and then smiles
sweetly at a pale young man with long
hair. This martyr turns white, rises,
and buttons up his coat for tho death
struggle. On the eleventh pull he bursts
a blood vessel somewhere, and goes into
the toilet compartment to bleed. A
simple minded mechanic'now comes for
ward with his tool bag, from which ho
takes a crowbar. Just when he is about
to use this tho conductor happens by,
and slides tho window airly up with a
gentle twist of the wrist.
—
A Man’s Age —ln Monroe county,
Ohio, some Republicans started a report
that Tilden is 77 years old, and tho la
dies stopped working for him. One of
the leading Democrats of tho county
wrote to the World about it, and that
paper replies : “We beg to remind our
friends in Ohio that there is no rumor a
Radical will not circulate about Mr. Til
den. The only economy the Radicals
have ever learned to practice is economy
of tho truth. Gov. Tilden is neither 77
nor 67 years old. Ho was born March
16, 1814, and he will therefore be inau
gurated as President of tho United States
before reaching his grand climateric.
Ho comes of a stout old stock of the
yeomen of Kent, and is younger in fact
and in costitution at 62 than President
Grant, who, by tho calender, is ten years
his juniour. He is a bachelor, but so
was Senator Christiancy when he went
to Washington, and he is a great favorite
with the young ladies and children. If
the ladies of Monroe county are as bril
liant as they are beautiful, they will go
to work like one woman to electioneer
for ‘Tilden and a wedding in tho White
House !’ ”
Plain oit Otherwise.— -Old Middlerib
came home the other night and ordered
a light lunch before going to bed. “Just
a mouthful of tea and a bit of bread,”
he explained. “Do you want just plain
bread ?” asked Mrs. Middlerib, with re
ference to the presence or absence of
butter. And the old reprobate said ho
would take one piece plain and the other
with a looped overskirt, shirred down
the gores with tho same, and hold in
place with knife pleating of grape jelly.
Ho got the heel of the loaf.
[Burlington Hawk Eye.
“I always did love to gave on tho
children in their sports,” said Potter,
as he pensively coutemplated a crowd of
urchins; “I am carried back to”—-just
then the baseball came over his way
and tried to get into his vest pocket
and double him up. When his breath
came back he shouted: “You young
ragmuffln, you, if I catch you playing
ball on the street again 111 get the police
after you-”
The New York Herald, far from being
frightened at a “solid South," favors it
implicitly. It says : “That the South is
to-day a unit, or very nearly so, for the
Democratic party is the fault of Republi
can mismanagement at Washington. Ev
ery man, no matter whether he is Dem
ocratic or Republican, who desires to see
the Southern States honestly ruled,
must wish that they shall be carried this
fall by the Democrats.”
This not only an exciting but a very
interesting political campaign. Women
as well as men have a duty to perform
to their country, and they should not
shrink from it. They cannot vote or ap
pear in procession, but they can cut the
wood and bring up the coal, and thus
leave the men more time to talk up
matters.
Stokes, the murder of Fisk, came out
of tho penitentiary last Saturday, his
time having expired.
