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PROFESSIOX.tr CARDS.
TfllOS. tV. mSLY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
HARTWELL, GA.
Will practice in Superior Courtg of Unit, El
bert, Oglethorpe and Madison. Prompt atten
tion to collection of claims. Iy.
R. 11. JONES,
ATTO II N TRY A T -L AW,
HLBSRTBHf, *GA.
Special attention to the collection of claims. [lj
SHANNON & WORLEY,
ATTO HN EYS AT LAW,
ELISERTOX, GA.
IX7 ILL PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OF
YV the Northern Circuitand Franklin county
KaY" Special attention given to collections.
J. S. BARNETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
EIBEBTON, GA.
JOHN T. OSBORN,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELBEkTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS
and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
to the collection of claims. nevl7,ly
A. E- HUNTER,’M. I).
P11A( TICINO PHYSICIAN
Office over the Drug Store,
EI.BE RTOI, GHO BGIA.
WILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL
cases. [Ang22,Gm
egbe:rto.\ IHJSIXESS GARBS.
LIGHT CARRIAGES & BUGGIES.
tHI
J. F. AITLD
a: 1.32 3-1 SiTO A, G SIO St lA.
WITH GOOD WORKMEN !
LOWEST PRICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE
OF 27 YEARS,
lie hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggios, warranted, - $125 to $l6O
It EPAIRING AND BLACKSMITIIING.
Work done in this line in l very best style.
The Rest Harness
TERMS CASH.
My 22-1 v
J. M. BARFIELD,
'
THE REAL LIVE
Fashionable Tailor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELD Eli [’ON, GEORGIA.
BOTCaII and See Him.
T. M. SWIFT. J. K. SWIFT.
TITOS. M. SWIFT & CO.,
Dealers in
EEIEEtI lESCM’iISI
At the old stand of Swift & A'rnold,
BLBERTGSf, GA.
RESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A CONTINU
ance of the patronage hitherto awarded
lie hous , promising every effort on their part
to merit the same. jan.s
THE ELBERTON
DRUG STORE
H. C. EDMUNDS, Proprietor.
lias always on hand a full line of
Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines
Makes a specialty of
STATIONERY and
PERFUMERY
Anew assortment of
WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES
Plain and fiincv- just received, including a sup
ply ot LEGAL-CAP.
CIGARS AND TOBACCO
of all varieties, constantly on hand.
NEW STQREj NEW GOODS!
I. Q. SWIFT,
Will keep on band
FLOUR, MEAT, LARD, SUGAR, COF
FEE, HAMS, CHEESE, CAN
NED GOODS, &c.&c.
And other articles usually kept in a first-class
Provision Store, which will be sold
Cheap for CASH and Cash Only.
F. W. JACOBS,
| HOUSE S SIGH PAINTER
Glazier and Grainer,
ELBERTON, GA.
I*
Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed
#
SEND 25c. to G.P ROWELL & CO., New York
for Pamphlet of lot. pages, containing lists
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1 cost of advertising. ly
THE -G AZETTE.
ISTew Series.
A CBIME AND ITS SEQUEL.
It was through sheer luck that I was chosen
District Attorney of a remote backwoods Dis
trict. There was but a slender stock of legal
timber to select from, ami small difference in the
quality. We were all in that callow, downy
state to which it was impossible to tell which
of ns might turn out game, and which might
prove to be of the common barn-yard breed.
We might all be ehrysaltic Clays or Webster3,
for aught we knew, or the public either, or might
be destined to plod through inglorious lives in
the humble walks of niti print.
As one appears as well as another in the dark,
so it was with us In obscurity. It was not,
therefore, because they deemed me gifted with
any peculiar fitness for the post, that the people
chose me for their prosecuting officer. The post
had to be filled, and the lot fell to me, which, I
now bethink me, was all that needed to be said
by way of introduction to my story.
My district was large, embracing several
counties, in each of which I was obliged to at
tend court, and, for that purpose, to take long
and frequent journeys.
On one of them, toward the approach of nightt
I found myself in the neighborhood of an old
friend’s house, to whose hospitality I knew I
would be welcome. It was on the opposite side of
a large river, but I should doubtless find some
settler with a canoe or other craft, who would
ferry me over.
Stopping at a cabin at which I had taken quar
ters before, after arranging with the proprietor
to have my horse taken care of till morning, I
inquired as to the best means of getting over to
my friend’s, where I proposed to pass the
night.
“Take that path,’’ said the settler; “it’ll take
yon out to Jim Drake’s shanty on the river. He's
got a dugout. an’ kin take you ’crost an’ show
you the rest o’ the way.”
I thanked the old man, and followed the di
rct'on given till the path branched into three.
Taking the one which seemed to lead in the
right course, I pushed on, for the shadows were
beginning to thicken, and it was a wild spot to
be belated in.
It wasn’t a mile, the settler told me, to the
river and Jim Drake’s shanty. I had certainly
walked twice th l without seeing a sign of
either. It had grown quite dark, and the con
viction was coming over me that 1 had lost my
way, and might be forced to pass the night, in
the woods, instead of enjoying the comfort of
my friend’s fireside.
1 slackened my pace, hesitating whether to go
on, or risk finding ray way back over a path al
ready become invisible, when a cracking of
bushes ahead, followed by a low sound of voices,
attracted my attention.
“Hello! —who goes there?’’ called out one of
them.
“A stranger who has lost his way,” I an
swered
More murmuring of voices followed, and then '
the dim forms of two men approached.
“Whar be you goin’ lo ?” one of them accosted
me.
I briefly explained the situation.
‘ Wall,you see, you’re consul’rable out o’ bear
in’s,” the man replied. “Jim Drake’s is more’n
three miles from here, an’ you’ll never find your
way iu the dark. However, we’ve got a skirt
over yonder, an’ wouldn’t mind tukin’ you
’crost an’ settin’ you in the right way ourselves,
ef you paid us a trifle.”
“I’ll reward you liberally and thank you be
sides,” I returned.
A short walk brought us to the river, where I
we found a small skiff moored to the bank.
“Jump in,” said one of the men, who, as I
obeyed, sprang in after me and shipped the oars,
while the other untied the rope and followed.
Theboatshot out from the shore, and no words
were exchanged during the passage except a
question and answer hi tween ihe oarsman and
myself.
“Ken you swim, stranger?” he asked.
“Not a stroke,” 1 replied.
“And now what shall I pay you, my friends?”
I inquired when we had all safely landed.
“That’s a question we’re jest a goin’ to settle,”
returned Hie former spokesman.
1 was rudely grappled on either side. The
purse I had taken out fell from my hand, but
my pocket-book was soon in the possession of
my assailants, one of whom hastened to open it,
and after fumbling a roll of notes, said to his
companion :
“Guess thar’s enough here, Bill); let’s be off!”
As they leaped into the boat and shoved off,
one of them called out derisively :
“Ef you want to git to your friend’s to-night
you’ve no time to lose, for the river’s risin’, an’
you’ll soon hav wet feet thar.”
As he spoke I felt the water coming over my
ankles. There had been heavy rains above,
and several of the river’s largest tributaries
were pouring down vast torrents, caused by the
melting of the mountain scows, it was the
beginning of one of the spring freshets which
often inundates that region, carrying terror and
destruction fur and wide.
Whtiher to bend my steps I knew not, "but to
remain there was impossible. I turned and
groped my way a lew paces, when the roar of
the angry flood again confronted me. Which
ever nay I turned I heard it. A storm was gath
ering, and every moment the darkness grew
thicker and thicker. A flash of lightning blazed
from the heavens, lighting up a scene before
which I recoiled with horror. By the lurid
glare, I saw that I was standing on a low, flat
island, every portion of which, if the rise con
tinued, would soon be many feet underwater. I
understood now the purport of the villain’s
question : “Can you swim 1”
I shouted for help—prayed for it—but no de
liverance came. The only answer was the sound
of the rushing, mighty waters, or mighty thun
der which seemed to rend the very sky.
The rain fell in torrents. Faster and faster
tho waters rose. Step by step I retreated before
them. At every returning flash I saw my little
spot of ground growing smaller and smaller.
I sought in’vain for some tree- or bush into
which I might climb, but found nothing strong
enough to bear my weight. The island, at last,
was reduced to a speck, and the next flash ;e
--venled but a waste of waters.
Soon I stood waist deep in the surging flood,
which threatened ever instant to sweep me down.
Once more I cried out in agony, but my voice
was drowned by the din of the elements.
The waves had reached my shoulders.—
Strength and courage were fast failing. It would
be impossible to hold mv footing a minute
longer, and I was on the point of yielding, when
some dark object floated toward me. 1 put out
my hands eagerly. It was a small boat that
| had drifted within my reach.
I know not how I managed to climb into the
! frail craft without overturning it, but, in another
i moment, it was bearing me safely from the spot
; on which T had suffered all of the terror which
! death has in his power to inflict.
ESTABLISHED 1850.
ELBEUTOX, GA., UTOV’R 22, 1876.
A month afterward it became my duty to
prosecute two prisoners charged v ith pas.-ing
counterfeit money. The case had been prepared
by an assistant, and I knew nothing of the par
ticulars till it was called fo trial.
My assistant was putting in ihe proofs—among
other things, the forged notes passed by the
prisoners while in company, and numerous
others of the same stamp found in their posses
sion—when I took up one of them, and after
briefly examining it, glanced at the others.
“May it please your honor,” I said, rising, “I
desire to enter a nolle in this case.”
“Why so?” inquired tne judge; “the case
seems clear enough.”
“Because I do not believe the defendants guil
ty,” I answered.
‘Not guilty 1” exclaimed Ills honor. “You
have surely forgotten which side you are on, Mr.
Payne.”
“I have not forgotten,” I replied ; “but I re
cognize these notes by a private mark. They
were in my possesion lately, having been taken
from'a gang of counterfeiters, airested several
months ago, against whem I held them as evid
ence. lam satisfied the prisoners now on trial
thought them genuine; in which case, of course,
there can be no lawful conviction under ibis in
dictment.”
“Of course not,” the judge assented.
“Then I move the prisoners be discharged,”
said their counsel, rubbing his hands gleefully.
‘Lend I move their recommitment,” I answer
ed.
“On what charge ? ’
“That of robbery,” I replied, proceeding to
recount my late adventure, and explaining that
the roll of bills taken from my person were the
identical ones then in court. Of course I did
not recognize the prisoners as my assailants, for
it had been too dark to distinguish features, but
the subsequent finding of the stolen notes upon
them was sufficient to establish their identity.
“But,” urged the counsel, with professional
persistence, “to constitute robbery, the property
taken must be of some value, and those notes
have none ”
“Granted,” I replied; “but my pocket-book
was taken along with them, and that cost exact
ly fifty cents, and was as good as new.”
The prisoners were recomniit’ed, and got ten
years each before the court adjourned.
WHAT WINKING CAUSED.
From the Keokuk Constitut’on.)]
Sanders is a great winker. He can’t talk to
you two minutes without enforcing his point
with a drop of one of his upper eyelids ; he
never takes a letter out of the office without
winking at one of the clerks; he winks when
he duns you, and gives you a sly one when he
pays a bill When he meets and greets you on
the street, it is always with a significant closing
of the left eye, and when he has a stunning
piece of news tft tell yon his wink is one of the
greatest import. The world movedalorg smooth
ly enough with Sanders until last Friday. Ip
to that time he had gone winking along peace
fully enough, and no clouds had obscured his
happiness ; a pall is hung over Sanders now,
and life has no charms for him. It’s all his
wife’s fault, lie says. She has no business send
ing him to a millinery store. She wanted a bow
to match one on her hat, and she started Sand
ers off to procure it. He entered the store whis
tling, and when one of ihe shop girls approach
ed and said “Good morning,” he replied, “Good
morning.”
The girl blushed and looked nervous ; San
ders displayed the bow and said :
“Got anything to match that?” and winked
again. The girl vanished to the back room
with flaming cheeks, leaving Sanders to stale
after her in open mouthed wonder. In a minute
or two the boss milliner, who had been iniormod
of his actions, appeared. She was highly'in
dignant ami as she shimmed the door behind
her she said, “Sir—”
“Good morning, madame,” said Sanders.
“Fine day, ain’t it now,” and a wink was uncon
sciously slung at Ihe lady. She bridled up in
stantly.
“Sir, the conduct—”
“Of that gill!” interrupted Sanders. “Oh,
that’s all right; never mind her—little bashful,
eh ?”
Another tremendous wink.
“I cannot ‘permit such conduct, sir. It is
shameful and insulting.”
“Not at all ; not at all,” says Sanders, still off
the track. ‘Don’t say another word, we under
stand each other.”
Another pretentious wink.
The milliner vanishes, slamming the back
door behind her, and Sanders sinks into a seat
ejaculating, “Well, I’ll be doggoned !’’ But he
bounced up quick when a gentleman entered,
and calling him “an old hippopotamus,” pro
ceeded to divest himself of his coat, and squar
ing off at Sanders, cried out: “Now, then, come
on 1”
“Why, why, bless me, what does this mean?”
said Sanders.
“Oh, yes. you’re a nice one, you are. What
kind of a place do you lake this for, coming
around and insulting women and girls with your
winks Come on!” and he danced around San
ders. He got one in on Sanders over the eye ;
his left duke felt of Sanders’ ribs, while his right
rattled around all over Sanders’ mug, and when
he got through with Sanders that individual
was as badly demoralized as a pig in a whirl
wind, and he never found out what it was all
about until the milliner’s husband, who had as
certained his habit, called on Sunday end apol
ogized. Sanders shook hands, said it was all
right, and was just about to wink again when
' he checked himself and said:
“Blame it, I’ll swear off from that habit!” and
then turned and winked at the wall to enforce
his oath.
A PLUCKY SCOTCH GIRL,
A brawny arm bas the Highland las
sie. Jane Gardin, who is nurse in a
family of a Sydenham clergyman, [went
into the garden one evening in the mid
die of September to cut flowers, and
thinking that she heard footsteps, re
turned to the Louse for a candle. She
saw the figure of a man crouching on
the ground and flinging away the can
dle, rushed upon (he thief. Screaming
for help and seizing him by the hair, she
endeavored to pin him to the ground,
but the man shook her off, and after
kicking her violently, ran toward the
garden >vall. The nurse followed him,
knocked off his hat, got hold of his ear
and pulled his nose. The ruffian finally
dealt her a terrible blow, and by kicking
ber in the ribs, felled her to the ground.
A neighbor, with a pair of dogs, went to
the rescue, but was unable to prevent
tho escape of tlie thief. Why not im
port some of these plucky Scotch girls
and make policewomen of them ?
A GOOD STORY ABOUT JOHN E.
OWENS.
The Cincinnati Enquirer gets off the
following true story about John E.
Owens:
Many years ago the genial comedi
an, John E. Owens, who is now favor
ing our public with a round of bis inim
itable characterizations, played an en
gagement in Portland, Maine. Among
the plays presented was “The People’s
Lawyer,” and it is almost needless to
state that Owens’ “Solon Shingle” took
with the “Yanks” immensely. Among
the audience one night was an old farm- J
er from the “rural districts,” who was j
a perfect prototype of the good hearted,
generous old bore that Owens lias since !
made so famous. The old granger was ,
accompanied by bis better half, and, per- j
fectly sensible of the fact that he was I
seeing on the stage a complete picture of
himself as others saw him, he roared
with laughter until his cacbinatory
peals attracted almost as much attention
as the play. The next day while Mr.
Owens was enjoying his otium cum dig
nitate at his hotel, he was notified that
a lady and gentleman wished to see him.
John made a hasty toilet, and descend
ing to the parlor of the establishment, ;
found his bucolic friends who had so I
heartily enjoyed the performance the |
night before, making a thorough inspec- j
tion of the parlor and its furniture.
“Good morning, my friends,” said he; j
“to what am I indebted for the honor of
this visit?”
“Be you Mister Owins ?” queried the
male visitor, eyeing the comedian suspi
ciously.
“I have the honor,” responded Mr.
Owens.
“Be you the chap that acted about |
that funny karackter at the theayter last j
night?” was the next question.
“As Nathan didn’t say unto David. I
am the man,” replied John, beginning to J
see that he was in for a scene.
“Wall, neow,” said the old man,
laughing at the recollection until the I
tears came to his eyes, “yeou did du
that right up to the handle. Me an’
my wife, Debby, here jist laffed an’ laff j
ed until I eenamost thought we’d split.”
“I am delighted beyond measure,” j
said the actor, swelling with pride at
this honest criticism, “to know that my
1 wimble efforts afforded you so much
pleasure.”
“Oh, don’t apologize,” said the rural -
ist, mistaking Owens’ bumble thanks for
self-abnegation. “I bain’t a bit deown ;
on you play-acting folks, an’ yeou can be ;
as respectable as anybody else, if you .
only try.’
“I am delighted beyond measure at ;
your compliment,” retorted tlie comedi
an, with a trifle of sarcasm in his tone.
“Oh, it’s all right,” continued the hon
est tiller of the soil, who, placing his
right hand upon one of John's shoul
ders, said in a solemn voice, “Air. Ow
ens, mo and my Debbj’ here hev come j
up to see yeou on a leetle matter of biz- i
iness.” |
“Ah, indeed!” replied the actor.
“Yaas,” was the answer, “we want to
git yeou to larn our boy Hezekiah the
play-actin’ trade.”
“My good people,” said Mr. Owens,
drawing himself up indignantly, “acting
is a profession, not a trade.”
“Ob, it doesn’t make a bit of differ !
ence,” chipped in Mrs. Granger, “jist
yeou larn him heow to cut up them
monkey shines an’ we’ll pay for the dam
age.”
John saw that his visitors were real
ly in earnest, so he thought he would
carry the joke a little further. So, as
suming a more grandiloquent air, he
shot iiis cuffs, ran his fingers through
his ambrosial locks, hemmed and hawed
a couple of times, and then interrogated
as follows :
“Acting is a profession that requires
especial talents and qualifications in its
devotees. They must combine in them
selves at once the abilities and beauties
of the poet, the painter and the sculptor.
What makes you think your son would
make an actor?”
“Wall,” said the old man, adjusting
his spectacles just as Solon Shingle
does when he is about to inspect the
writing of John Ellsby, “yeou see I sent
him to skule for years and years, but be
was too skittish to larn much. The In
tried to make a minister onto him, but
the cuss didn’t have a mite o’ pity about
him Then I prenticed him to a doctor,
but instead of lamin’ beow to make pills
an’ cure ager, be spent his time a lim
nin' alter the gals. Then I hired him
eont to a lawyer, but be spilt the fust
case he got into, an’ neow he’s back on
my hands again.”
“Well, then,” said Mr. Owens, rather
deprecatingly, “if he’s nit fit to boa
minister, a doctor, or a lawyer, why
do you think he will succeed as on ac
tor?”
“Because,” responded the Granger,
in the most serious manner, “because be
is a sort of kinder natural dam fool,
anyhow, and he’ll take as kindly to the
bizness like as a duck to water.”
A mule near Marysville, Cal., is
probably the only animal of his kind in
the country with a bank account. His
owner is a sheep-herder near Gridley’s
Station. For some time ho has been
depositing in tlie bank tlio sum of five
dollars per month to the credit of his
dog and a mule, so in case of his sud
denly kicking the bucket they would
have something to live upon. The
other day the dog died, and the mule is
full heir to the estate.
Vol. v.-isro. 30.
WHY THE MULE MAS UNHAPPY.
And then, with the sad-eyed mule
with parabolic spine laboring in advance,
tVie little street car went on its way.
The engineer was sociably inclined,
and so we fell into intimate converse.
“Don’t it require a good deal more
genius to steer a mule than it does to
handle horses ?”
“Yes sir, you bet. You see mewils is
different from horses ; you’ve got to
know’em. Let a green hand take that
yere mewil an’ he’d go to kavortin’
around an’ git tin * on his ear, and raisin’
li-—1 to an extent that, would just morn
amaze yon.”
“He don’t look like that sort of a hair
pin—lie's too melancholy. What’s he
grieving about, anyhow' ?"
“Fm thinking lie’s in love, and is
kinder disappointed, somehow. You
know’ how it is with mewils. They're
awful sentimental and falls in love jest
like any other critter, but there don’t
seem to be any satisfaction in it, some
how’. The more lie’s in love the wuss
he seems to feel.”
“A case of blighted, unrequited affec
tion, you think ?”
“Cert’in. You give that yere mewil a
chance and he’d get off a piece of poetry
on the state of his fee’in’s which ud
draw tears from a sick oyster. Vi hoa!
you d—d muddle headed son of thun *
der ! Where are you goin’ ?”
This interruption was caused by the
mewil taking a side shoot and taking the
car with him. It required much effort
on the part of the driver to restore the
status quo—much cursing, which must
have lacerated the soul of the sorrowful
animal, much as his sides were bruised
by the heavy boots of bis manager.
Being finally kicked and sworn on the
track, we resumed progress.
[Chicago Times.
Cremation is to be suspended, and
instead of destroying a corpse by fire, as
the ancients did, or making gas of the
same, as had been suggested, an inven
tor of Grenoble, Fiance, proposes the
opposite method, and preserves them
forever. “At the decease of an individu
al the body is plunged into a liquid
invented by him, and in about five years
the individual is turned into stone.
The secret of the petrifaction is known
only to the discoverer. But he goes
further He says that in a thousand
yeais’ lime, if persons will only preserve
their relatives and friends, they will
be able to build a house w’ith them, and
thus live in residences surrounded by
their ancestors.” Another application
of this process has been suggested,
namely, to t liavo tho petrified corpse
nickle plated, or electroplated; with
bronze, and, if a statue of an individual
is desired, to place the corpse on a pro
per pedestal, so as to fulfil the functions
of being the statue of the party deceas
ed.
♦ ‘OS' ♦
HOSPITALITY IN TEXAS.
In no city in the United States is
the travel-stained, weary traveler taken
as good care of as he is in a San Antonio
hotel. The manners and customs of the
guests are carefully studied. A young
man from the frontier stopping at one
of the hotels, told the clerk, the other
evening, that lie was going to be out
late. “Just wait a minute,” replied the
accommodating clerk, and bo rushed off,
but soon appeared with a large envelope,
wliict ho placed in the guest’s breast
pocket, with tho remark: “That is a
bond for your appearance before the Re
corder, properly signed. As socii as
you are arrest ed for ! eing diunk and
disorderly, just give the bond to the
policeman, mention my name to him,
and he will bring yon home in a hack.
Good night! God bless you !”
THE FLIRT.
A correspondent of the Richmond En
quirer thus relieves an aching bosom
and crushed heart: “The flirt is the
painted hyena of society, tho lamb fleec
ed disguised ravening wolf of the affec
tionate fold. Her fangs drip with the
gore of foolishly fond and true. Like
the hideous spectre bat of the Orinoco,
she drains the last purple drop from the
veins of her spell bound victim while
her soft blandishments lull him to rest
and fill Lis dreams with dazzling scones
of beauty and felicity More cruel than
the great war god of the Aztecs, she
feasts upon the torn and bleeding hearts
of her most fervent worshippers. With
i savage ferocity she crushes the .tender-
I cst feelings and emotions of the human
' soul.” There’s more of it, but this will
suffice.
-
Tisc “iron Trail.”
A spicy sketch descriptive of a trip over tho
Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railroad, the
beauties, scenery and pleasure resorts of the
Rocky Mountains, by “Xym Crinkle,” the musical
and dramatic critic of the New York World, sent
free on application, together with the San Juan
Guide, maps and time tables of this new and
popular route from Kansas City and Atchison
lo Pueblo, Denver and all points in Colorado,
New Mexico, and the San Juan Mines. The
finest Pullman Sleepers on the Continent be
tween the Missouri River and Ihe Rocky Moun
tains without change. Special round trip tour
ists’ tickets from the Missouri River to Denver
at SSO, good to stop off at all points.
Address, T. J ANDERSON,
Gen’l Pass. Agent Topeka, Kansas.
Feb 9 '76.-tf.
A Baltimore paper says : “Tho Queen
of Love and Beauty at the Centennial
tournament was no novico. She had al
ready been crowned four times on similar
occasions.” O, lud, to think that the
belle of all Maryland should be 500 years
j old.
NOVEL SPORT IN NEVADA.
The Virginia City Chronicle has tho
following:
The reporter found a crowd of the
patrons of tho turf, consisting of a
strong delegation of the leading sports
of the Comstock, together with a num
ber of ycung boys and Piute Indians,
who took considerable delight in tho
manoeuvres of the monkeys. Two o clock
arrived, but of course there was no dis
position to begin the races. No race
ever came off un that truck as advertised
since the memory of man. In Older to
' fill in the time, however, there is gener
! ally some sort of a game
| affords the crowd as much amusement
I and excitement as the race itself. ’J his
time the hiatus was filled by an old man
j with a trained duck. He began oj ora
tions by sinking a candle box in tho
ground until the top was about two
inches above the level of the earth. In
this he placed a duck, which protruded
its head through a hole in the lid.
“Now, gentlemen, three throws for n
quarter and the feller who hits the duck
gets half a dobar.”
A man stepped up to throw, and, be
ing furnished with three light sticks,
each consisting of half a broom handle*
slammed away at the bird’s head. With
becoming modesty the retiring duck
withdrew into the candle box, and al
lowed the slick to pass harmlessly over,
amid the applause of the crowd. In a
few seconds he popped it up again with
a loud quack of victory, and the man lot
fly his second shot, which went some
what astray and planted itself in the ca
pacious stomach of the poet, journalist
and sport, Pat Holland, while the duck,
seeing no special necessity of withdraw
ing its head, gave a sympathetic quack,
while Mr. Holland was carried to the
house to be refreshed. The third mis
sile also flew wide of the miuk, and hit
ting a Horse in the head, came very near
starling a runaway Several more ei>
thusiaits joined in the game, until
about 200 men were standing about tho
box in a furious state of excitement, vo
ciferating wildly and laying heavy odds
on the duck, while the old man was
reaping a harvest of quarters at a most
astonishing rate. Finally a man who
had made several close calls on the duck
laid aside his coat and as he grabbed
the sticks there was a fire in his eye
which evidently meant business. Care
fully gauging the distance, ho waited
until tho duck (somewhat emboldened
by its successful escape) was looking to
onn side, and then let fly a stick, tho
butt end of which hit the fowl square
on the head causing him instantly to
hang his neck over the side of the box
and die.
— + *
About forty years ago there was a
boy carrying water for the bands in
Wm. Gordon’s ship yard at Cincinna
ti. Ho left there and went to Wm.
Un.rtnV.ovr.’n U ZT’
learned the trade of boat-buildei.
Young man, you who want to l e a law
yer, doctor, statesman, a professional
gentleman, anything to make a liv
ing without soiling your delicate hands,
did you see those two boats lashed to
gether Monday, crossing tho river with
a funeral cortege aboard? Did you
see 25,000 people with sad hearts and
weeping eyes following the hearse up
to Cave Hill ? Did you see flags at
half mast, stores draped in m urning,
business suspended? And did you
hear the solemn tolling of tho bells
while that funeral was taking place ?
You did, hey ? Well do you think that
by dragging your miserable existence
waiting l'or "tho “old man” to die and
leave you something, that when you die
such honors will bo paid yon, such a
funeral will be yours ? Ah 1 no ! The
man to whom all these honors were paid
was the “carrier of water and the hewer
of wood” of forty years ago. It was Jas.
Howard—a man "whose name will live
fresh in the memories of men, whilo all
such as you mutton-headed young men
who have no trades, will He dead and
forgotten before the sod grows green
over your graves. Go and learn a trade.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
MORAL CHARACTER *OF THE OYSTER.
In temper lie is even mild to placidity,
although ho is sometimes slightly ruf
fled, on his edge at least. - He is quiet
always and usually very well behaved ;
and yet lie participates in nearly every
scene of debauch and revelry. He fro
quents midnight suppers and is the com
panion—tho bosom companion we may
say—of wild fellows of every degree.
He makes r-o noise, and does no quar
reling, but lie is present in well nigh
every riotous company, and is found at
table with wines and liquors of every
kind, name and quality. In himself,
and so far as his personal behavior is
concerned, the oyster is perfectly re
spectable, and gentlemen and gentle
women have him at dinner without
scruple; but there can be no doubt that
his in me is suggestive of dissoluteness
and dissipation, precisely as tho horse,
noblo as he is, is indissolubly associated
in our minds with certain forms of
knavery and with jockeyisrn “in all its
branches,” as the street signs say. —
Dickens, we believe it was, who pointed
out tho fact that the moment that any
innn falls into the poverty which comes
of drunkenness and idleness, he begins
to eat oysters as a regular diet, and not
withstanding the high estimation in
which the best of us hold this mollusk,
his name somehow suggests irregularity
of living, late hours, unvvholesi mo
haunts and potations of gin.
o J> *
“Y-o-o-u u, John,” bawled an Fiber
ton wife to her husband the other even
ing as he started off up town to hear
from the election, “if yer don’t come
right straight back here and chop mo
up enough stove-wood to get breakfast
with, I'll come after yer with that new
fryin’ pan, and put a photograph of Ha
ler & Wliees with it over your eyes ”
He chopped Ihe wood.
Don’t, ask your pastor to pray without
notes. How else can he pay his provis
1 ion bill ?