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PROFESSIONAL. CARDS.
Til OS. W. TE ASLY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HARTWELL, GA.
Will practice in Superior Courts of Hart, El
bert, Oglethorpe and Madison. Prompt atten
tion ta collection of claims. ly.
R. 11. JONES,
att:orney at law,
ELBERTON, GA.
Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly
J. N. WORLEY,
VTTORNEI’ AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OF
the Northern Circuitand Franklin county
®Sf"Special attention given to collections.
J. S. BARNETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
JOHN T. OSHORN,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELBEItTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS
and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
ta the collection of claims. nevl7,ly
A. E- HUNTER, M. I>.
PRACTICING PHYSICIA.N
Office over the Drug Store,
ELBERTON, GEORGIA.
WILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL
cases. [Ang22,6m j
ELBERTON BUSINESS CARDS.
LIQH U G GIE S ■
J. F. A-XJIjX)
Carriage toanufact’r
ELBERTON, GEORGIA.
WITH GOOD WORKMEN!
LOWEST PRICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS. AND AN EXPERIENCE
OF 27 YEARS,
He hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to $l6O
R EPAIRING AND BLACKSMITHING.
Work done in this line in t very best style.
The Best Harness
TERMS CASH.
Vy22-1 r
ALOXEIALL ALONE!
The firm of J. 11. JONES & CO.
being dissolved by imilisol coes
sent,
JOHN H. JONES
■Will continue business al Jlic old
stand, and will alwajs keep such
a stock of
GENERAL MERCHANDSE
As will meet the wants of hts old
friends and patrons, whose good
favors he hopes to receive.
NEW STORE I NEW GOODS!
I. G. SWIFT,
Will keep on hand
FLOUR, MEAT, LARD, SUGAR, COF
FEE, HAMS, CHEESE, CAN
NED GOODS, &c.&c.
And other articles usually kept in a first-class
Provision Store, which will be sold
Cheap for CASH and Cash Only.
F. W. JACOBY,
HOUSE 4SGN PAIN fEP
Glazier and Grai ler,
ELBERTON, GA.
Orders Sclicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed.
LOOK AND TAKE WARNING.
Thanking onr customers for former
favors and desiring a continuance of the
same, we respectfully announce to the
public that on the first day of January
last w established a strictly cash sys
tem, and all those who will persist in
asking credit will obtain nothing but a
refusal. Having decided on this course
we will not vary from it a nickle’s worth.
To those who are indebted to us we
will say: we are needing money, and if
you think you are good for your con
tracts we would like very much for you
to prove it by coming up and handing it
over within a short time.
We fear we will have to resort to vio
lence.
J. H. DUNCAN & BRO.
All oar friends who were tavoied with credit
by us in tbs past are earnestly solicited to come
ap and settle their arrearages, as we cannot pos.
•ibly do without the money longer. The times
are bard, we know, but they are as bard on us
as anybody, and we think we are entitled to a re
turn ot the money we let our friends have the
use of for two or three years. It is ours and
we need it. We do not wish to resort to harsh
means, but we must do it if it is necessary.
T. M. SWIFT,
McALPIN ARNOLD.
octStfj Late firm of Swift & Arnold,
THE GAZETTE.
ISTew Series.
THE ELECTORAL TRIBUNAL,
The following is the complete text of the bill
agreed upon by the joint committee on counting
the electoral rote:
A bill to provide for and regulate counting
ot votes for President and Vice-President, and
the decision of questions arising thereon, for
the term commencing March 4, A. D. 1877 :
Be it e.iacied, Jc., That the Senate and House
of Representatives shall meet in the hall of the
House of Representatives.at the hour of 1 o’clock
p. m., on the first Thursday in February, A. D.
1877, and the President of the Senate shall be
presiding officer. Two tellers shall be previous
ly appointed on the part of the Senate and two
on the part of the House ol Representatives, to
whom shall be banded, as they are opened by
the President of the Senate, all the certificates
and papers purporting to be certificates of elec
toral votes, which certificates and papers shall
be opened, presented, and acted upon in the al
phabetical order of the Senate, beginning with
the lett*r A, and said tellers having then read
the same in the presence and bearing of the two
Houses, shall make a list of the votes as they
shall appear from the said certificates, and, the
votes having been ascertained and counted as in
this act provided, the result of the same shall be
delivered to the President of the Senate, who
shall announce the state of the rote and the
names of the persons, if any, elected, which an
nouncement shall be deemed a sufficient decla
ration of the pe. sons elected President and Vica-
President ot the United States, and together
with a list of the votes shall be entered on the
journals ot the two Houses. Upon such reading
of any such certificate or paper, when there
be only one return from the State, the President
of the Senate shall call for objections, if any.
Every objection shall be made in writing, and
shall state clearly and concisely and without
argument the ground thereof, and shall be sign
ed by at least one Senator and one member jf
the House ot Representatives before the same
shall be received. When alt objections so made
to any vote or paper from a State shall have
been receded and read, the Senate shall there
upon withdraw, and such objections shall be
submitted to the Senate for its decision, and the
Speaker of the House of Representatives shall
in like manner submit such objections to the
House of Representatives for its decision, and
no electoral vote or votes from any State frotn
which but one return has been received shall be
rejected except by the affirmative vote of the
two Houses. When the two Houses have voted
they shall immediately again meet, and the pre
siding officer shall then announce the decision
of the question submitted.
Sec. 2. That if more than one return or paper
purporting to be a return from a State shall have
been received by the President of the Senate,
purporting to be the certificates of electoral
votes given at the last preceding election for
President and Vice-President in Such State, un
less they shall be duplicates of the same return
all such returns and papers shall be opened by
him, in the presence of the two Houses, when
met as aforesaid, and read by tile tellers, and all
sucli returns and papers shall thereupon he sub
mitted lo the judgment and decisions as to which
is the true and lawful electoral vote of such
State, of a commission constituted as follows,
namely : During the session of each House on
the Tuesday jnext preceding the first Thursday
in February, 1877, each House shall by viva
voce vote appoint five members, who, with the
five Associate Justices of the Supreme Court of
the United States, to he ascertained as herein
after provided, shall constitute a commission tor
the decision of all questions upon or in respect
of such double returns named in this section.
On the Tuesday next proceding the first Thurs
day of Febiuary, A. L>. 1877, or as soon there
after as may be, the Associate Justices of the
Supreme Court of the United States now as
signed to the Firs.. Third, Eighth, and Ninth
Circuits shall select, in such manner as a major
ity of them shall deem lit, another of the Asso
date Justices of said Court, which five persons
shall be members of the said commission, and
the persons longest in commission of said five
Justices shall be the President of said commis
sion. Members of said commission shall re
spectively take and subscribe the following oath:
“I, ,oo solemnly swear (or affirm, as
the case may be) that 1 will impartially exam
ine and cotisidei all questions submitted to the
commission of whicu I am a member, and a
true judgmnnt give thereon, agreeably to the
Constitution and laws, so help me God.” Which
oath shall be filed with the Secretary of the
Senate.
When the commission shall have been thus
organised it shall not be in the power of either
House to dissolve the same or to withdraw any
ot its members; but if any such Senator or
member shall die or become physically unable
to perform the duties required by this act, the
fact ot such death or physical inability shall
be by said commission, before it shall proceed
further, communicated to the Senate or House
of Representatives, as the case may be; which
body shall immediately and without debate pro
ceed by viva voce vote to fill the place so va
cated, and the person so appointed shall take
and subscribe the oath hereinbefore prescribed,
and become a member of said commission. And,
in like manner, if any of said Justices of the
Supreme Court shall die or become physically
incapable of performing the duties required by
the act, the other of said Justices, members of
sa ; d commission, shall immediately apooint an
other Justice of said court a member of said
commission, and in such appointments regard
shall be had to the impariiality and freedom
from bias sought by the original appointments
to said commission, who shall thereupon imme
diately take and subscribe to the oath hereinbe
fore prescribed, and become a member of said
commission to fill the vacancy so occasioned.
All the certificates and papers purporting to
be certificates of the electoral votes of each
Stat<* shall he opened in the alphabetical order
ot the States, as provided in section one of this
act, and when there shall be more than one such
certificates or papers f-om such States shall be
opened (excepting duplicates of the same return),
they shall be read by (be tellers, and thereupon
the President of the Senate shall call for objec
tions, if any. Every objection shall be made in
writing, and shall state clearly and concisely,
and without argument, the ground thereof, and
be received. When all such objections so
made to any certificate, vote or paper from a
State shall have been received and read, all such
certificates, votes, and papers so objected to,
and all papers accompanying same, together
with such objections, shall be forthwith submit
ted to said commission, which shall proceed to
consider the same with the same powers, if any,
now possessed for that purpose by the two
Houses acting separately or together, and by a
majority of votes decide whether any and what
votes from such State are the votes pi ovided by
the Constitution of the United States, and bow
many and what persons were duly appointed
electors in such State; and may iherein take
into view such petitions, depositions, and other
papers, if any, as shall by tne Constitution and
now existing law be competent and pertinent to
such consideration, which decision shall be
made in writing, stating briefly the ground
thereof, and be signed by the members of said
commission agreeing therein. Whereupon the
two Houses shall again meet and sucli decision
shall be read and entered in the journal of each
House And the counting of the vote sl all
proceed in conformity therewith, unless upon
ESTABLISHED 1859.
ELBERTON, GA., JAM’Y 31,1877.
objection made thereto in writing by at least
five Senators and five members of the House of
Representatives, the two Houses shall separate
ly concur in ordering otherwise ; in which case
such concurrent order shall go vein. No votes
or papers from any other State shall be acred
upon until the objections previously made to
the votes or papers from any State shall have
been finally disposed of.
Sec. 3. That while the two Houses shall be in
meeting as provided in this act no debate shall
be allowed and no question shall be put by the
presiding officer, except to either House on a
motion to withdraw ; and he shall have power
lo preserve order.
Sec. 4. That when the two Houses separate to
decide upon an objection that may have been
made to the counting of any electoral vote or
votes irom any State, or upon objection to a re
port of said commission or other question aris
ing under this act, each Senator and Represen
tative may speak to such objection or question
for ten minutes and notoftener than once. But
after such debate shall have lasted two hours it
shall be the duty of each house to put the main
question without further debate.
Sec. 5. That at such joint meeting of the two
Houses seats shall be provided as follows : For
the President of the Senate, the Speaker’s chair;
for the Speaker, immediately upon his left; for
the Senators, in the body of the hall, upon the
right of the piesiding officer ; for the Represen
tatives, in the body of the hall not provided for
the Senators ; for the Tellers, Secretary of the
Senate, and C’erk of the House of Representa
tives, at the Clerk’s desk ; for the other officers
of the two Houses, in front of the Clerk’s desk
and upoa eacli side of the Speaker's platform.
Such joint meeting shall not be dissolved un
til the count or electoral roles shall be com
pleted and '-he result declared ; and no recess
shall be taken unless a question shall have aris
en :n regard to the counting of any such votes
or otherwise under this act, in which case it
shall be competent for either House, acting sep
arately in the manner hereinbefore provided, to
d>ect a ecess of such House, not beyond the
next day (Sunday excepted), at the hour of 10
o’clock in the forenoon. And while any ques
tion is being considered by said commission
either House may proceed with its legislative or
otl er business.
Sec. 6. That nothing in this act shall be held
to impair or effect any right now existing under
the Coasiiiulion and laws to question by pro
ceed.ng in the judicial courts of the United
States tne light or title of the person who shall
be declared elected or who shall claim to be
Pres : dent or Vice-President of the United States,
if any such right exists.
Sec 7. That said commission shall make its
own uiles. keep a record of its proceeding, and
shall have power to emp.oy such persons as
may be necessary for the transaction of ils bus
iness and the execution of its powers.
ZACH CHANDLER’S LOSS OF MEMORY.
Old Zach Chandler, Giant’s champion
Lull dozer and briber, has got himself
into an awfully tight place —so tight
that a decent maa would feel very ttn
com fortable in it. They brought the old
reprobate up before the Committee on
Powers and Privileges of the House on
Monday, and put him through a search
ing examination in reference to his tele
grams to Stearns, Kellogg and Cham
berlain, the day a Her the election, in
st? noting them to hold the electoral votes
of their) States at all hazards, and as
suring them that they would be abund
antly supplied with (roops and money
He came beffi.e the committee with an
air of defiant impudence, not suspecting
that they had in their \ issession any
evidence of bis guilt, and relying upon
his brazen eEVontry to carry him safely
through the ordeal. But when, after a
few questions, Mr. Field asked him in re
gard to certain dispatches, giving the
precise language of his message to
Stearns, thereby declosing the fact that
his villainy had been disclosed and the
evidence against him was in possession
of the committee, he suddenly squelched
and became as docile as a whipped
spaniel. He became utterly demoralized
and lost his memory entirely. He
couldn’t remember anything about it.
He didn’t remember sending any dis
patches ; had forgotten whether he re
ceived any dispatches ; he had a very
vague recollection of the election, and
could u’t "emembev whether he had con
surfed wi. h Don Cameron about sending
troops to Florida or not. In short, he
had about forgotten that a Presidential
election had taken place in Florida, and
only remembered that he was a member
of the Cabinet, and could not be requir
ed to disclose government secrets. Be
ing closely pressed, he finally begged
time and was granted another day to re
fresh his memory. And now he has the
alternative of telling the truth or being
dealt with for contempt.
Poor old Zach ! We thought Henry
Ward Beecher had a very bad memory
when, on his examination, he failed to
remember anything about his relations
with the Tiltons, the Moultons and the
Bowens. But Zach is worse afflicted
with the name radical misfortune, a
treacherous memory.
[Savannah News.
A Conning Fox.—A farmer of York, Pa.,
recently set a trap to catch a cunning
fox which had been annoying him con
siderably by its midnight visits anong
the poultry. At fourteen successive
visits to it he found the trap sprung, a
stick of wood between its jaws, and the
bait eaten up. The circumstance, so
often Repeated, surprised ’him. There
were no other tracks to be seen but his
own and those k of the fox, and who
sprung the trap was a question 1 iat
puzzled him sorely. By continuing to
rebait his trap he hoped to catch the
author of the mischief. On the fifteenth
night he found a fine old fox hung to
it by the nose, and in his mouth was a
stick of wood.
She used to meet him at the gate with
a kiss and a smile like morning light,
but now she comes to the door in a
dingy old calico wrapper, and shoes
down at the heel, shades her eyes with
her hand and in a voice that seems to
need oiling inquires : “Did you briug
that butter ?”
VANDERBILT AND BARGER.
One of Commodore Vanderbilt’s asso
ciates in his various railway enterprises
is Sam Barger, a wag as well as a direc
tor. Atone of the meetings the Com
modore said he could not see how it
happened that Jay Gould got at all the
facts aud figures about the New York
Central.
“I’ll teU yon how you can prevent
his knowing anything about your roads,”
said Sam.
“How?’’ asked the Commodore.
“Elect him a director,” was the reply.
The autocratic fashion in which the old
Commodore managed _lhe road is well
known.
A speculator wished Sam to induce
the Commodore to go into an operation
in the street.
“If the Commodore will take a hand
we can make a million without the pos
sibility of losing a dollar,” said the hope
ful operator.
“No danger of loss ?” said Sam.
“None nt all, and sure lo make all the
money we want.”
“Well, I don’t know about the old
man,” said Sam, “bnt, if you feel so very
sure about the thing, I have no doubt
I might get his son Cornelius to join
you”
Sam got word one evening while at
dinner that, the Commodore would like
to see him. Hastily partaking of a lit
tie food he repaired to the old gentle
man’s residence, forgetting in his hurry
to put a cigar in bis pocket. Alter the
business was fiuiahed Sam said: “Com
modore, you brought me away from my
dinner in such a hurry that I didn’t get
my smoke I I believe I would like to
try a cigar.” (The Commodore was
then smoking a delightfully fragrant
Havana.)
“All right, Sam,” he replied, “you will
find a match on the mantel piece.” Sam
smoked when he got home.
The bearish Twenty-third street party
were heavily short of Central. The
Commodore was buying all any one
wanted to sell at constantly advancing
figures. Sam happened in at the bear
garden, and of course the talk was of
the Commodore’s purchases. “I tell
you,” said one of the bruins more sav
age than the rest, “the old man ought
to be taken care of; he has lost his
head.”
“I see any one that I suspect of
having found it,” was Sam’s quiet re
mark, and nothing more was said on
that stAject.
RETURN OF JEWS TO PALESTINE.
Cincinnati Commercial: The year 1877
is likely to do more than the astrologers
find promised in its two lucky figure
sevens; it will p obably witness the
bh'th of several new nations. They may
be born amid (he pangs of war, though
to-day the signs are more auspicious ;
bnt they will be born. Not only will
one, more probably two, constitutional
and maternally protected nations be
born within the limits of Ottoman suze
rainty, but Egypt will be remade bv
England. The new scheme of widening
the Suez Canal really means the coloniz
ing of Egypt with many of the ablest
Englishmen and the renovation of the
Khedive’s Government. The keen in
stinct of the Jews has forefelt what is
coming. I wrote you some time ago
that a remarkable migration to Rales
tine was going on among that people,
and that the signs of it were observable
in many closed Jewish homes in Lon
don. A traveler who has just returned
hero writes m today’s Times that he
found (he whole region from Dan to
Beeisheba crowded with immigrant
Jens from all parfs of the world. What
ever may have caused the gathering of
Jews to Palestine, (he fact is certain.
And the traveler who has remarked it no
doubt represents the hope he found
among them in his intimation that Eng
land might well assist the restoration of
Jerusalem and the fouudatlon there of a
Jewish republic, or other liberal Gov
ernment. The proposition is one likely
to spread like wildfire. The average or
thodox Christian world will at once
recognize the Divine band stretched
forth to fulfill prophecy, and any
amount of money could be raised here
lor such a purpose. When Egypt and
Syria are taken in hand it will become
at once necessary to reduce Arabia to
order. The world has been absorbed in
nearer Turkish affairs as to have noticed
that Arabia is at present .the arena of
civil war.
The Delu of Georg a..— Treasurer
Reufroe shows the consolidated debt of
(he State of Georgia, not yet due, to be
$8,447,500, but in table F it appears
that exclusive of the $600,000 disowned
Bullock bonds of the Macon and Brun
swick railroad, and $194,000 more of
the Alabama and Chattanooga railroad,
also fraudulently endorsed by Bullock and
repudiated, there are $1,688,000 of bonds
endorsed legally, for which the State is
bound.
These, with the probable future obli
gations, foot up $11,135,500.
A message from the Governor strong
ly favors retrenchment in every depart
ment. He recommends that the Judi
cial Circuits be reduced to thirteen;
that Inspectors of Oils and Fertilizers
receive salaries, and that the clerical
force be curtailed ; that )the compensa
tiou of Tax Collectors and Eeceivers)be
reduced. If this retrenchment be cra
ried into effect, $150,000 a year can be
saved- The message was referred to the
Finance Committe.
"Vol. Y.-No. 40.
THE GRAND LODGE OF MINNESOTA RE
FUSES to:recognize negro masons.
The whole of the forenoon, and a por
tion of the afternoon of the Grand Lodge
meeting was devoted to the dis
cussion of what is called the “Afri
| can Lodge. The question of recogniz
ing the colored lodges has long been
discussed by the Masonic fraternity.
Last year the Grand Master alluded to
the subject in his address, and as the
lodge had an application from I'rince
Hall lodge of Boston, and two from two
lodges here in the State asking to bo re
cognized, it was deem edbest. to bring the
matter to a conclusion as soon as pos
sible. Accordingly that portion of the
Grand Master’s address which referred
to the question, and the three com
munications, were referred to a large
committee. Yesterday three reports
1 were made one by Mr. A. T. C. Pie-son
one by Aaron Goodrich-, anil one by Mr.
Griswold. The two first reported
against recognizing the colored people.
The last, Mr. Griswold, reported in fa
vor of recognizing them. The whole
question resolves itself, according to tho
reports, into a question of history. The
two that agree against reeogniz
ing the colored lodges affirm and main
tain that the coloredjodges are not now
and never have been recognized as
belonging to the Masonic fraternity,
and all searched diligently the Masouic
history to ascertain whether or not
the colored brethren bnd ever been taken
in. Mr. Goodrich goes to the oldest
kind of English law to show what a free
man is, and claims that none but a free
man can be a .Mason. Mr. A. T. C.
Pierson’s report was also quite long and
reaches the same conclusion, but by a
diffeient line of argument. The dis
cussion was brought to a close by the
adoption of three resolutions, attached
to the report of Mr. A. T. C. Pierson, as
follows.
Resolved, That the Grand Lodge of
Minnesota declines to recognize the
Prince Hill Grand Lodge, located m
Boston, Mass., for reason of its irregu
lar formation
Resolved, That the Grand Lodge can
not recognize charters as Laving any
validity in this State, except those is
sued by its authority ; and that it can
not issue charters except to such Ma
sons as are of its obedience
Resolved, That color is neither a bar
nor a recommendation to the acceptance
of the Masonic degrees in this jurisdic
tion, and that it is perfectly compete.it
for any lodge in this jurisdiction, to
make Masons any parties possessing the
required qualifications.
The vote by which the resolutions
were adopted is 321 in favor of them,
and 7 against, which appears to be
sufficiently decisive to settle the matter.
[St Paul Pioneer Press.
A RAT STORY.
The Pittsburg Telegraph tells the
following story: “A banker of this
city had a valuable cow, which gave a
large quantity of milk, and was held
in high esteem for general good quali
ties. All at once the supply of lac
teal fluid grew smaller by degrees and
beautifully less until the yield was
scarcely worth having. The family were
great’y surprised at this, as the animal
was in perfect health and in the height
of her season. It was hinted that some
person whose love for milk overcame
his scruples for stealing was at the
bottom of the mischief, and that, like
a thief at night, he entered the stable
where Rossy was kept and relieved her
of the milk. The hired man was ac
cordingly instructed to watch for the
thief, and his vigilance was rewarded
by a most singular discovery. Just af
ter daylight he saw a very large
rat come forth from its hiding place,
and, going to where the cow was lying
it stood on its hind feet, with its fore
paws on the cow’s udder, and applying
its mouth to oue cf her dugs, sucked
its fill of milk. When it was satisfied
another rodent took its place and so on
until the supply was exhausted and the
family swindled by the cunning rats
out of their morning’s supply of the
much coveted fluid. The story is well
vouched for.”
Mansfield Island, in Lake Erie, has
been bought by a man who
intends to stock it with black cats, and
kill their progeny for their fur. He will
feed them at .first on fish caught off the
shore by men who will live on the Is
land ; but after the enterprise is well
started he will utilize the meat of the
slaughtered cats as food for the living
cats. We also read that a Georgian is
making an extensive business of raising
dogs, tanning their hides, and sell the
leather for glove making and other pur
poses.
Senator . l Elections. —Several Sena
torial elections have recently taken
place. In Maine James G. Blaine, Re
publican, was chosen; in Minnesota,
William Windom, Republican ; in Mich
igan, T. W. Ferry, Republican ; in Ar
kansas, A. H. Garland, Democrat; in
Massachusetts, Geo. F. Hoar, Republi
can ; in Tennessee, Isham G. Harris and
Jas. E. Bailey, Democrats ; and in Ne
braska, P. W. Hitchcock, Republican.
—
There is nothing dispels the dream of
youth and shatters the ambitious hopes
of the noble boy like having a young
lady remark in his hearing that he would
make, with study, a good hat rack.
Augusta and Knoxville Railroad. —We
understand that some of our South Caio
na friends, who ore parti ularly inter
ested in the construction of a road which
shall put Greenwood and the surround
ing country in direct communication
with Augusta, are apprehensive that
our people are not thoroughly in earrt
est on the subject. That is a graze ap
prehension. Considering the depressed
political complications, which hang like’
a pall over the country, the citizens of
Augusta Love given active and positivo
evidence of their earnestness in this im
portant work. On the occasion of tho
assembling of the county committteoU
to prepare a draft of a charter for the
road, a canvass of a few hours sufficed
to secure subscriptions equal to half the
amount that will probably be required'to
grade tho road from Augusta to Wah
ton’s Island. With a liberal charter in
hand, and our industries freed from the
depressing infiutnees referred to, the
citizens of Augusta will be found
promptly aiding in the construction of
a through line to Knoxville —deflecting
at Walton’s Island to Greenwood.
[Chronicle A Sentinel.
A correspondent of the London Times
tells a story about a Cossack Captain, of
magnificent physique, who sat down to
dinner with him at a recent Servian ta
blo d’hote. His ample dress had a
splendid small sword as sharp as a ra
zor, a revolver with sixteen chambers,
and two othei's of size. He bad two
formidable knives, sixteen and eighteen
inches long, and bitterly regretted not
having his rifle with him. When asked
the use he made of tho knifes ho
laughed and said: “Why, to bo euro, to
scalp the Turks ; wo never take n Turk
alive.”
Now here is the model bulldozer. It
was long thought that the Texas bully
with two revolvers and a bowie knife was
the most formidable of all living crea
tures, but a modern Cossack, in addition
to his hereditary ferocity, has seen the
Texan and gone several better. He on
ly needs a light Gatlin under each arm
and a mortar on his head to make hint
self a whole army.
The wonderful persuasive power of a
silver-plated corkscrew was never more
forcibly illustrated than it was the other
night in New Haven, according to the
Palladium. A few men had gathered,
and politics was the theme of a conver
sation which soon waxed warm. One of
the participants was a veteran talker,
whose Websterian cast of countenance
and stentorian tones are familiar to all
old residents of New Haven. As usual
he took a prominent part in the debate.
One of the others, an inveterate practi
cal joker, at last informed him that he
was willing to be insulted personally,
but he could not allow his party to be
insulted also ; he had therefore decided
to at once take from our Websterian
friend that satisfaction which gentlemen
are accustomed to demand from each
other. He then drew his silver-plated
corkscrew and told his opponent to pre
pare lo meet his doom. The massive
features of the man l efore him twitched
convulsively, aud his knees began to
beat a lively tattoo. Said be : “I don’t
care for myself, but it is for my wife and
children. For God’s sake, don’t shoot !’ r
“But will you apologize ?” said the jok
er. “Yes, I make haste to apologize.
But it is not for myself, but for my poor
wife and children,” said the burly victim,
and he was mercifully allowed to retreat
in good order. He didn’t sleep any that
night, and lie was telling of his narrow
escape from death ever since. At first
he knew it was a revolver which was
pointed at him ; now he admits it may
have been a knife, hut he will never al
low that it was a corkscrew—ho is too
well acquainted with those useful little
articles. Moral: Don’t get excited over
politics.
THE MINISTER’S WIFE.
The minister’s wife ought to be select
ed by a committee of the church. She
should be warranted never to havo head
ache or neuralgia; she should have
nerves of wire and siriews of iron ; she
should never be tired nor sleepy, and
should be everybody's drudge; she
should be cheerful, intellectual, pious
and domesticated ; she should be able to
keep her husband’s house, darn his
stockings, make his shirts, cook his din
ner, light his fire and copy his sermons;
she should keep up the style of a lady on
the wages of a day laborer, and be al
ways at leisure for “good works,” and
ready to receive morning calls; she
should be Secretary of the Band of
Hope, the Dorcas Society, and the Home
Mission, and should conduct Bible class
es and mothers’ meeting ; should make
clothing for the poor and gruel for the
sick; and, finally, she should be pleased
with everybody and everything, and
never desire any reward beyond the sat
isfaction of having done her own duty
and other people's too.
JOSH BILLINGS’ APHORISMS.
The grate fight iz fust for bread, then
butter on tho bread, and then sugar on
the butter.
Bo mersifnl on all the dum animals ;
no man can git tew Heaven on a sore
backed horse.
Thogvate mistake that most people
make in life iz, they think more ov
their cunning than they do ov their hon
esty.
The grate sekret of popularity i* to
make every one satisfied with himself
first, and afterwards satisfied with yu.
The unhappiness of this life seems
principally to konsist in gitting every
thing we kan and wanting everything
we hain’t got.
I hav finally cum to the konklushun
that the best epitaff any man kan liav,
for all praktikal purposes, is a good bauk
ackount.
Paupers suffer less than sizers do—
the man who don’t kno whare he iz go
ing to git hiz next dinner, suffers less
than the one who iz anxious to kno how
much iz a going to kost him.
*
A recanvass of the Florida vote as per
order of the Legislature, gave Tilden
84 majority.