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FRIDAY MORNING. DEC. 11. 1914. THE LAGRANGE REPORTER The Gifts That Failed By GEORGE ADE (Copyright, Doubloday, Pago ft Co.) n II. SIDNEY 1‘AYSON was full of tho bltternosH of Chrlstmas-lido. Mr Pay- non wiih tbu kind of man who lovod to toll invalids that they worn not look ing ax well os usual, and who frightened young hus bands by predicting that' kerchlef-box department, says It's just they would regret having married. Ho ' grand.” seldom put the seal of approval on any I "Ha! All right, Ml take it.” human undertaking. It waB a matter | j|o felt his happiness rising as be of pride with him that ho never failed | wont through the store. The Joy shone -All right, 111 take them,” he said. "I waht them for my nephow Fred. He likes Indian stories.” The sal-jeglrl looked at him wonder- Ingly. “Now, then, I wnnt a love story,” said Mr. Payson. “I have a maiden sister who Is president of a Ruskln club and writes essays about Hud- dhlnrn. I want to give her a book that tells about a girl named Mabel who Is loved by Sir Hector Something- or-Other. Olve mo a book that Is full of hugs and kieses and heaving bos oms and all that sort of rot. Get Just as far away from lbse.n and Howells and Henry James as you can possibly got” “Here is a book that all the girls In the storo say is very good,” replied , the young woman. "It Is called 'Vlr- I glo's Betrothal; or The Stranger at Iilrchwood Manor.' It's by Imogene 8ybll lleauclerc.” | “If It’e what It sounds to be, It’s Just what I want," said Payson, showing Ills teeth at tho young woman with a , devilish glee. "You say tho girls here I In the storo like It?” I “Yes; Miss Simmons, In the hand- I comes of being president of a literary club. But you are the only one, Sid ney, who had the rare and kindly Judg ment to appeal to the woman and not to the club president. Because I am Interested In a serious literary move ment It need net follow that I want my whole life to bo overshadowed by the giants of the kingdom of letters. Al though I would not daro confess It to Mrs. l’eabody or Mrs. Hutchens, there aro times when I like to spend an aft ernoon with an old-fashioned love story. You are a bachelor, Sidney, and bb for me, I have long since ceased to blush at the casual mention of ’old maid.’ It was not for us to know the bitter-sweet experiences of courtship and marriage, and you will remember that wo have sometimes pitied the headlong infatuation of sweethearts, and have felt rather superior In our freedom. And yet, Sidney, If we chose to be perfectly candid with each other, I dare say that both of us would con- to find tho sinister motive for the act which other people applauded. Some of his pious friends usod to say that Satan hud got the upper hand with him, but there were others who Indi cated that It might bu bile. Think of tho seething wrath and tho sense of humilatlon with which Mr. Sidney Payson set about his Christ mas shopping! In tho first place, to go ehopplng for Christmas presents was tho most conventional thing that anyono could do, and Mr. Payson hated conventionalities. For another thing, the giving of Christmas pres ents carrlod with It some testimony of affection, and Mr. Payson regarded any display of affection as one of the ersde symptoms of barbarous taste. If he could have assembled hie rela tives at a Christmas gathering and opened a few old family wounds, re minding bis brother and his two sla ters of some of their youthful folllos, thu shaming them before the chil dren, Mr. Sidney Payson might have managod to make out a rather merry Christmas. Instead of that, bo waa condemned to go out and purchase gifts and be as cheaply ldotlc as the other wretched mortals with whom he was being carried along. No wonder that he chafed and rebelled and vainly wished that he could hang crepe on every Christmas treo In the universe. Mr. Sidney Payson hated Ills task and ho was puzzled by it. After wan dering through two Btorcs and looking In at 20 wlndowe bo had been unablo to mako ono selection. It Boomed to him that all tho nrtlcles offered for sale were singularly and uniformly In- approprlnto. Tho custom of giving was a farce In Itself, and tho storekeep ers had done what they could to make It a sickening travesty. "Ill go ahead and buy a lot of things at haphazard,” he said to hlmBolf. ”1 don’t care a hang whether they aro ap propriate or not” At that moment he had an Inspira tion. It was an Inspiration which coaid have come to no one except Mr. .Sidney Payson. It promised a speedy In his face as he stood at the skate counter. “I have a brother who Is forty-six years old and rather fat,” ho said to tho salesman. “I don’t suppose he’s boon on the Ice In twenty-flvo years. Ho wears a No 9 ehoe. Give me a pair of skates for him.” A few minutes later ho stood at the silk counter. "What are thoso things?" he naked, pointing to some gayly colored silks folded In boxes. "Thoso are scarfs.” "Well, If you’ve got one that has all the colors of the rainbow In It, I’ll take it I want one with lots of yellow and red and green in it. I want something that you can hear across the street You see, I have a sister who prides herself on her quiet taste. Her cos tumes are marked by what you call ‘unobtrusive elegance.* I think she’d rather die than wear one of those things, so I want the biggest and nolsest one In the whole lot” The girl didn’t know what to make of Mr. Paysou’s strange remarks, but she was too busy to be kept wonder lng. Mr. Payson’s sister’s husband Is the president of a church temperance so ciety, so Mr. PayBon bought him c buckhorn corkscrew. There was ono more present to buy. “Let mo see.” said Mr. Payson. "What Is there that could be of no earthly use to a girl of*slx years old?” Evon ns he spoko his eye fell on a sign: "Bargain sale of neckwear.” "I don’t bollovo she would care for cravats,” ho suld. “I guess I’ll buy somo for her." He saw a box of cravate marked ”26 cents each." “Why aro those so cheap?” he asked. “Well, to tell the truth, they’re out of stylo.” "That’s good. 1 want eight of them —oh, any eight will do. I want them for a small niece of mine—a little girl about six years old.” Without Indicating the least sur prise, tho salesman wrapped up the cravats. It Would Be Useless to Dwell Upon the Reflections of Mr. Sidney Pay- son. fess to having known something about that which men call love. We might confess that we had felt its subtle In fluence, at times and places, and with a stirring uneasiness, as one detects a draft. Wo might go so far as to ad mit that sometimes we pause In our lonely lives nnd wonder what might have been, nnd whether it would not have been better ufter all. I am afraid that 1 am waiting this like a senti mental school girl, but you must know that I linvo been reading your churm- lng little book, and It hus come to me ns a message from you. Is It not real ly a confession, Sidney? You have made mo very hnppy, dear brother. I feel more closely drawn to you than at any time since we were all together at Christmas, at the old home. Como and see me. Your loving sister, "GERTRUDE.” I’ll Take Them.” end to shopping hardships. It guaran teed him a ChrlsUnus to his own liking. He was bound by family custom to buy Chrlstmns presents for his rela tives. Ho had promised his sister that he would remember every one in the list. But he was under no obligation to give presents which would be wel come- Why not give to each of his rel atives some present which would be entirely useless, Inappropriate and superfluous? It would serve them right for Involving him In the childish per formances of the Christmas season. It would be a burlesque on the whole nonsenslcality of Christmas giving. It would Irritate and puzzle his relatives and probably deepen their hatred of him. At any rate, It would be a satire on a silly tradition, and thank good ness, It wouldn’t be conventional. Mr. Sidney Payson went into the dlrst department store and found hlm- aelf at the book counter. "Have you any work which would be aultable for an elderly gentleman of studious habits and deep religious con- wlctions?” he a6ked. “We have here the works of Flavius Josephus In two volumes,” replied the young woman. Letters rocolvod by Mr. Sidney Pay- son in acknowledgment of his Christ mas presents: "Dour Brother; Pardon me for not having acknowledged the receipt of your Christmas present. The fact Is that since tho skates carao I have been dovotlng so much of my time to tho re-acqutrlng of one of my early accom plishments that 1 have not had much time for writing. I wish I could ex press to you tho delight I felt when I opened tho box and saw that you had sent mo a pair of skates. It was Just ns If you hud Bald to mo: ‘Will, my boy, somo people may think you are getting on In years, but I know that you’re not.’ I suddenly remembered that tho presents which I hnve been receiving for several ChrlstmuseB were Intended for an old man. I have re ceived ensy-chalrs, slippers, mu fliers, smoklng-JucketB, nnd tho like. When 1 received the pair of skates from you I felt that twenty years had been lifted from my shoulders. How In tho world did you ever happen to think of them? Did you really bcltcve that my Bkattng days were not over? Well, they’re not. 1 went to tbo pond In tho park on Christmas day and worked at it for two hours and 1 had a lot of fun. My ankles were rather weak and I fell down twice, but without' hurting my self, managed to go through the mo tions, and before I left I skated with a peach of a pretty girl. Well, Sid, I owe this renewal of my youth to you. Thank you many times, and believe me to be, as ever, your affectionate brother. WILLIAM.” "Dear Brother: The secret Is out. I suspected It all the time. It Is need less for you to offer denial. Some- j times when you have acted the cynic I hnve almost believed that you were sincere, but each time I have been re lieved to observe something In you which told n?e that underneath your assumed indifference there was a genial current of the romantic senti ment of the youth and the lover. How can I be In doubt after receiving a little book—a love story? “I knew, Sidney dear, that you would remember me at Christmas. Toil have always been the soul of thoughtful ness, especially to those of us who un derstood you. I must, however, con fess that 1 expected you to do tho deadly conventional thing and send me something heavy and serious. I knew It would be a book. All of my friends send me books. That’s what "Doer Brother: Greetings to you from the happiest household In town, thunks to a generous Santa Claus In tho guise of Uncle Sidney. I muBt be gin by thanking you on my own ac count. How In the world did you learn that Roman colors had come In again? I have always heard that men did not follow the stylos and could not be trusted to select anything for a wont an, but It is a libel, a base libel, for the scarf which you sent is quite the most beautiful thing I have received this Christmas. 1 have It draped over tho large picture in the parlor, and it Is the envy of every one who has been in today. A thousand, thousand thanks, dear Sidney. It was perfectly sweet of you to remember me, and I call It nothing less than a stroke of genius to think of anything eo appropriate and yet so much out of the ordinary. “John asks me to thank you—but I must tell you the story. One evening last week we had a little challng-dish pnrty after prayer meeting, and I asked John to open a bottle of olives for me. Well he broke the em&U blade of his knife trying to get the cork out. He said: ’If I live to get down town again. I’m going to buy a cork- Bcrew.’ Fortunately'he had neglected to buy one, and so your gift seemed to come straight from Providence. John Is very much pleased. Already he has found a uee for It, as It happened that he wanted to open a bottle of household ammonia the very first thing this morning. “As for Fred’s lovely books—thank goodness you didn’t send him any more story books. John and I have been trying to induce him to take up a more serious line of reading. The Josephus ought to help him in the study of his Sunday school lessons. We were pleased to observe that he read It for about an hour this morn ing. "When you were out here last fall did Genevieve tell you that she was collecting silk for a doll quilt? She insists that she did not, but she must have done so, for how could you havo guessed that she wants pieces of silk above anything else In the world? Fred and Genevieve send love and kisses. John Insists that you come out to din ner some Sunday very soon—next Sun day It you can. After we received your presents we were quite ashamed of the box we had eent over to your hotel, but we will try to make up the difference lp heart-felt gratitude. Don’t forget--any Sunday. Your loving sla ter, KATHERINE." It would be useless to dwell upon the reflections of Mr. Sidney Payson after he received these letters. He is Looking for His Savings Bank Book. Start an account TO-DAY for your child with $1. 40| 0 WE PAY BANK OF LA GRANGE WI8E AND JUST. There was a man in our town. And he wus wondrous wise; He said all plants were mistletoe To his dlsrcrnlng eyes. Whene'er beneath a spray of green. From holly down to flr. He found a maiden young and fair. He then and there kissed her. And when the maids objected, he Dtd penance there and then; He counted up each kiss he took, And gave It back again. Satisfied. He was a poor man but a contented one. Santa Claus cane to him and Bald: “What do. you want, m> friend?” ’’Nothing," be replied, with becom ing modesty, which he hoped would be rewarded. And Santa Claus was so pleased that he gave It to him and passed on. Papa’s Suggestion. Miss Fosdlck (who Is self-willed)— I wish I knew what to give, dear Charles for a Christmas gift. Fosdlck, pere (who hates "dear Charles”)—Olve him a wide berth. ^1 Greetings And best wishes for a Merry Xmas and a Happy, Prosperous New Year for you. If you need a nice new Calendar for 1915, and will call by, we will be glad to supply you with an at tractive one. V. R. & L F. O’Neal INSURANCE, REAL ESTATE AND RENTING Phono 131 National Bank Building Give Them a Good Photo of Yourself for Xm If She Loves You Send Her a Photograph of Your- self. If She Doesn’t, a Good Photograph will Help. as Your Mother Would Prefer a Good Photograph to Any Other Gift. SEND HER ONE. THEY LOOK BETTER WHEN THEY COME FROM FOWLER’S STUDIO SNELSON DAVIS, Manager and Operator