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vol. & ROBE UTS, Lessee Editors & Proprietors. ^ OS.IVSS Sditor R .... _ju>.i)0 iter annum, in Advance. lt‘ us '' n —Persquare of f.en lines, each ‘i u j_ Aleroffauts and others forall * 3ierI "tsover $ 'io, twenty-five per cent. off. legal advertising. >«—Citationsf or letters of ad- euardiftnshij ,&e $3 00 notice t! 00 ^ foatorletters of disni’u i'romadm’n 5 Oo for letters of dism’n of guard’u 3 50 ^ for leave to sell Laud 5 00 1 n Debtors and Creditors ... 3 00 >,l!: Laud, per square of ten lines.... 5 00 s“ s * f * rsoa al, per sq., ten days 1 50 '“'ri-Eieli levy of lea lines, or less.. 2. 50 '*^6 sales of ten lines or less 5 00 : ' !,1tl ?viector’s sates, per sq. (2 months) 5 00 ^ t.."-Foreclosure of mortgage and oth- ^^’nioatlily’s, per square 1 00 / ra v notices, thirty days 3 00 ^ . eSO f Respect, Resolutions by Societies, t rlJ ■’ ,tc.',esceemug six lines,to becharged 0D ;Seut advertising. ‘V-^iles of band, by Administrators, Execu- ' S r Guardians, are required by law, to be held 1 ° r i; d 1 , r first Tuesday in the-month, between the 811 often i n the forenoon and three in the af- fc oa:3 .ofhe Court-house in the county in which *U°p?o'p«rtT is situated. Notice of these sales must he given in a public r^tte40 days previous to the day of sale. ties for the sale of personal property must.be ten inlike manner 10 days previous to sale day. tires to debtors and creditors of an estate r v. also be published 40 days. Vit'ee that application will he made to the of Ordinary for leave to sell land, must be ablishedfor two months.; r Stations for letters of Administration, (3 par- Vj,ip, &e.,must be published 30days—for dis- i lD - ,/f ro a Almiuistration, monthly six moaths , “f^jnissiontrpm guardianship, 40 days. Vn, for foreclosure of Mortgages must be r; iiel:uontid!/ fat four months—for establrsh- P ‘R, papers, for the full space of three months— ‘H .ppaiiiuiT titles from Executors or Adminis- ‘“mJ, where bond has been given by the de- r \'ed'the full space of three months. Charge, il 00 per square of ten lines for each insertion. Viblicatums will always be continued accord j 0 *,hese. the legal requirements, unless oth Rise ordered. ‘ MILLBDGEVILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 1870. No. 39. CHANGE OF SCHEDULE, ENER EL SUPEEISTESDE'ST'S OFFICE, _ _ n.,.n r, > . / * V V Atlantic & Gulp, n. k. company, Savannah, /, li -70. AN’ AND AFTER SUNDAY, the 9th instant, /Passenger Trains on this Ko&d will run as llo " fc ' NIGHT epxpress train. live Savannah every day at... 4.30 P jI rrive at Jesup junction, M & 15 _ ( „ R 11 at **o \ « rive at Live Oak every day . -• ;,!* R rive at Jacksonville every day ‘ -A •live at Tallahassee every day 7.07 A M rive at Quincy every day 3-io .e m- rive at Bainbridge Mondays ex- ce p te j 6.1 o A JI rave Baiuhridge, Sundays excepted.9.30 P M aveQuincy every day.. £ S -are Tallahassee every day • ;g ave Jacksonville everyday o.M r M aveLive Oak every day-- A ^ ave Jesup every day *.!- rive at Savannah every day 10.n0 A -1 ICON A BRUNSWICK ACCOMMODATION TRAIN. ..2.10 P M re Savannah, Sundays except ed, at veatJesups Sundays exeept- edat - ff ve at Brunswick daily at-, ^0 I* re Macon daily at ^ ■e Jesup daiiy at } if- re at Savannah daily at 9.3b P *>- i Sunday this Train will leave Savannah at A. M., connecting with Trains for Macon A .swiek,and connecting with trains from Ma- aad Brunswick will arrive at Savannah at PM. DAY TRAIN. e Savannah, Sundays except ed at I Tao A M ,’eatJesups, Sundays except- e( i a t 10.4o A- A1 re at Live Oak, Sundays ex cepted at - 7.00 P M re at Macon duly at 7.50 Jr e Live Oak, Sundays except- ed at ... ...... - - 6.00 A M e Jesups, Sundays except- _ ed at ?.16 P i»I rent Savannah .Sundays ex- ceptedat 5.5.>P ** Passengers for Macon take i .15 A It. Lain Savannah, leaving daily. ' ... , ssengersfor Brunswick take 2-.10 P M- train Savannah. sseugers leaving Maccn at 8.30 A M connect sap with express train for Florida and w est- Jivisicn, and with irain for Savannah, arriv- 45.30 PM. ... lingers from Brunswick connect at - esup with for Savannah, arriving at 5.3-> P M «A,.ept indays, when it arrives at 9 30 P. U at J esup Kxpress Train for Savannah, arriving at anect at. Macon with Train for Atlanta, leav- •t 9.00 P M. TH GEORGIA & FLORIDA R. R- TR AIM. e Thoqjasville Tuesdays, Thursdays mm turdavs at S.OO A A •e at Pelham, Tuesdays Thursdays and ,hat- lavs at.... 9-55 A r.I e Pelham, Tuesdays, Thursdays and riatur-, vsat 3 4,i P Al atThomaVviile," Tuesdays, Thursdays and turdays at 6.(10 P M II. 8. HAINES, General Superintendent, nnuaryl 1870 * 3 U UXGE OF SCHEDULE. TH-WESTERS RAILROAD CoMPXSn 1 Office, Macon, Ga., Jan. iotn, Iff O. S a day Passenger and Mail l rain. Macon 8.00 1 M. : atEufaula A ff- > Eufaula 7.~0 A • E a at Macon 4.50 Pi m. CHANGE OF schedule. 3»ro ciiiLwca or cars bs- •EWEsiiar savannas:, &h- Q-US2 A AND 2,1 G BJe ffZ- EHV, ASA3AIv2A TRANSPORTATION OFFICE, CET. R. R. ) Savannah, August 14, 1863. J AND AFTER SUNDAY, 16tli inst., Pas '~ Jr hunger i rains on the Georgia Central li. R will run as follows : UP DAY TRAIN. LEAVE ARRIVE. Savannah g : 00 A M Macon ■_ 5.33 p y Augusta 5:33 P hi mil ledge ville &;58 P M at on ton 13.00 P M Connecting with trains that leaves Augusta..’. 8:45 A M DOWN DAY TRAIN. Macon 7 ; oq Savannah 5:30 p j.j Augusta 5.38 P M Counecting with train that leaves Augusta 8:45 A M UP NIGHT TRAIN- Savannah 7:20 P M Macon * 6:55 A 11 Augusta.... o:13 A M Connecting with trains that leaves Augusta 9:33 P M DOWN NIGHT TRAIN. Macon.-.. .6:25 P M Savannah 6:19 A M Augusta 9:13 A M Mill dgevllle 4:3b p M Eatonton - .2:40 P BT Conneciinr with train that loaves . tit v 51:53 P U A M Trains Lorn Savannah and Augusta, a P M Train from Macon connect with Mrlitdg vilie Train at Gordon daily, Sundays excepted. P M. Train from Sayamial) connects yvith l)iro’ mail train on South Caroline Railroad, and P. M. irain from Savannah asid Augusta wivh trains on South-v» estem aud Muscugeo Railrotplf. . • WM. RuGEES, Act’g Master of Transportation. February I, 1370 5 if C AlSf AND AFTER THIS DATE, BY AGREE- ' MEN T. U»e rate of-Freight between Savau- t t i . i 7- i J Itf 1. Frcghl Accor iacon. nodation 1 ain. 8:25 Eufaula .... .11:00 a fan la ... 7 *. I rr : Macon.V.V. 9:1 0 Culmlus Muil Train. [aeon 7:25A it Columbus 1.22 olumbus. 1 *2 *.25 t Macon t>:05 Night Freight ^ Ac onC!i r Auin Columbus - TtV'O A olumbus ..... 7:00 1 ; Macon 4:43 A r Train” connects at Smithville Atlantk & Gulf Railroad Co., annali, December 1-5.1869. ) nan and Mae eon and BrunswicI First class per pound. - cond class per I pounds Tifird class per 100 pounds • u j- >unds Filth ckiss pel llKl pounds Sifh class p.ei Seventh class Eighth class p Ninth class p Cotton per 10 Salt per sack Guano per 10 Freight rec Western liai i ! he Atlantic and Gulf and Ma Railroads, will he as follows : Ad., *2 30 1 P ■ ds. • itiiids.'... :r 100 aeon aiu; -yond. General Superintendcn oCtiOu'iIo of tiio Scoria. ii3iirQutit SUPERINTENDENT’S OFFICE, } GeoauiA Railuoau Compasy, Augusta, Ga., December 23, "69. NAN AND AFTER SUNDAY, 26:h Passenger Trains on the Georgit wilirun as fallows: DAY 1 L i ; inst., the Railroad 3NGER TRAIN. tve Augusta at 7.6:) A M. Atl.an . at 5.00 /. M. Arrive at August at 3.45 P Mi- “ at Atlanta 5-30 P M. NIGHT PASSENGER TRAJN. Leave Augusta at ?’ JJ* •• Atlanta at 5-45 P Arrive at AugusSa 3 45 A m. ‘ Atlanta 8.00 A. M. S. K. JOHNSON, Superiut.sndont. January,18 1870 ® ^ iChCilitlc Ttl"'7J:! & 71 PECULAE-THRO’ .Ll, will com me: Sunday, the 9th in Leave Macon at Arrive at Bruatr Arrive at Savan? i.eave Brunswic Arid vo at Macon Brunswick R. n Jam oaky, 7th, 1ST 0 ASSENGER TRAINS eg Oil as follows : Road on 9.15 A 51. : at 1(1.20 P M. 1000 PM. 4.30 A. K. 6.15 A. il. TRAIU’S TO HAWKI5SULLE. Leave Macon - — Arrive at Hawkinsyille.. Leave Han kinsvilie Arrive at Macon 3.00 P M. 0.30 A M. 7 OO A M. 10.25 A M. This train rni daily Sundays excepted. RETURNING : t 8.00 AM. 7.15 A M. 7.50 P M. T. W. ^iLlaTiiPJl-at-^/Laia, M ILL ED O E VTLLE, GA., Will practice in this and the adjoining coniftics.! Leave Brunsv. ic: Leave Savannah Arrive at Mac oh Trains rank- direct connections at ' .Tesap, both v. ..vs, with t'-r.in.a for B-unbfidge. Ihomas- the crossing of- the Atlantic and Gull Loau. vllle, and.all point; «>n that Road, as wed,as y-oM t):-,se for .L-clVsoitviRe, Tallaliass'de, and All sta tions on the Florida Loads; Fare to Savanna.it and Brunswick § 8 00 Fare to Jack-ouviile •.---- ^ Fare to Tallah^ ee 1% 00 Fare to New York, Philadelphia or ' - Baltimore, by t,!earners - o7. n0 tTuder recent arrangements made with the At lantic & Gulf R-tad, freights to and from Savan -iah and New York have increased dispatch. The Southern Express Company "id operate on jliis line to Brunswick, points in Soulueru Geor- ; jrin and In Florida, commencing on Monday, the ' 3th instant. ROBERT SCHMIDT. Master transportation. January 13,1670 o li MARRYING A FORTUNE: “le?, 1’il do it, Ralph, even if she is a scraggy, worthless, hairless, dried up -yellow, vinegar-faced old maid. I’ll marry her ; or, rather, her fortune f” and so saying he leaned himself hack in iiis chair, and commenced puffing away as coolly at his cigar as though marry were-the most commonplace, uninteresting affair ever dreamed of. ‘lou speak quite confidently, young man,’ Returned his companion, ‘perhaps the lady in question won’t have you. Don’t be loo conceited, if you have been called irresistible.” ‘Fiddlesticks ! I guess my uncle’s fortune was the most irresistabie part to the New York belles, and i ain cer tain now that my ‘great expectations’ have passed away, there isn’t two of them c\cr remembered associating with me. I tell you, Ralph, love is all moonshine ! a. mere creature of the fancy—for 1 never seen a pretty girl yet that could set my heart a palpita ting, Money is what a poor briefless lawyer wants, not love ; it’s a great deaf more substantial, too.” ‘Don’t doubt it ; but i wouldn’t be tied to an old vixen lor any considera tion, responded Ralph, ‘and in my opinion, Bait, you are a fool if you heave yourself away. There, now, free gratis—no fee asked me the whole story.’ at advice is -only do tell can do that in a f a lew words. A- boul a week ago I saved a fine looking 1 i 7 * O but gouty old gentleman from being upset out of his carriage on Broadway He was profuse in Bis thanks, learned my name, said he knew rne by reputa tion, told me lie was wealthy, with but one child, a daughter, and if I would come down to Sea View, where he in tended to pass a few weeks, he would make a match between me and her. I modestly suggested that the lady in question might object, but he* insisted that she could riot ; she was devoted to liim and heart-whole. There, it is verbs turn. 1 then made inquiries of a friend \vnat kind of a girl Mr. Lafourn’s daughter 'was, and tiiey told me she. was a scraggy old maid. I have her in my mind’s eye, hut it’s no draw back, I’ll many for money and let her afterwards take to her cats, just ihe same as she docs now. That’s all. I am too lazy to work.’ Aud lie re-, lapsed into a profound silence, wonder ing secretly what time on the morrow Mr. Lafourn and daughter would ar rive. ‘There, pa, you dear old goose, list en to the description of your Neil,’ ex claimed pretty little Nellie Lafourn, arianging the curtains so that the old gentleman could over hear the conver sation on the piazza between the two young gentlemen just mentioned. ‘Confound his impudence,’ growled the old man, fa rage, bringing his cane down lustily : *L’d like to see him get iy assured liim, and left him more de spairing than before. At last he could not endure it any longer, and accordingly sought an in terview with Mr. Lafourn. “So you come to propose for my daughter, Mr. Gower ?” querried the gentleman, when he was ushered in. “No, sir, I have not,” he emphati cally returned. “I have come to make a confession, to ask your forgiveness, and crave a boon. You know how you came to make me the offer which you did ? Well, having been brought up to believe myself independent of the world, and to study a profession more for pleasure than aught else, after fin ding myself suddenly bereft of all hopes, and poor, I gladly accepted of your proposal. I scorned the idea of love ; I vowed I loved my ease belter than any woman on earth—and though 1 was informed your daughter was— was—” “A scraggy old maid,” slyly ir.ter posed Mr. Lafourn. Bart blushed at ids own remark, but proceeded— “1 determined, provided she would accept me, to marry her for your mon- ey - There, sir, is the truth, and I know 1 cannot but be loweied in your esti- tion. Since, I have met your niece and I’ve—I’ve—” “Fallen in love with her,” observed the father, aiding him along, j “Yes,, sir, exactly so ; and I am | willing, if she will have me, to give up | all ideas of wealth obtained by such ; mean practice, and go away and work j bravely tor her. Do you think there is any hope ? Will you forgive me ?” “Certainly,” lie responded, “J should not want my daughter wedded loauy man from such mercenary motives.— I’ll call Nell and see what she says.” And suiting the action to the word, he summoned Nellie. “This gentleman has withdrawn his claims to _vour cousin’s hand,” he ob served, taking Nellie by the hand, and actually has the audacity to ask for yours. What shall I tell him ? “And 1 am poor, Nellie,” ejaculated Bart, “but you shall see I am no con- ccited jacknriaps. I will go away and commence the practice of my profes sion if ydu will only gwe me hope.” Ntjlie looked at her father through her blushes. “But I woud be a penniless bride— “And all the dearer ! if you are not worth working for, you are not worth having. “It then,” she returned slily, “you wait a year and do not change your mind, if uncle is willing ” “Which he will be,” interrupted the gentleman. The ruse was still kept up. Mr. Lafourn gave him letters of introduc tion to several influential friends, he went away and set up work in earn est. For a while he was unsuccessful; were of disagreeable looks, or that had any other imperfection. This custom prevailed about four hundied years before Christ. my darling, the heartless wretch, a..„ rnv money, even if lie lias got. you i at lasL his lalenls be gan to be appreci- mkxed up' with vour aunt Lucille ! | ated—and he was on a fair way to Slightly mixed up, isn’t it pa ? But 1 prosperity. At the end of the year he wrote aud told Mr. Lafourn how he had succeeded, and asked if he would have any objections to his wedding around her cheeks'‘and ! ,aki;, S P lace lhen ‘ He returned, and when he arrived he found his Nellie r after ail how much the picture is like urst into a merry iaugh, dozen dimples to play rl c!,o U her ; ana sr that caused a hide and seek lips. ‘ tie may be him this moment, i! almost blessed f 1’il send for ^ prettier than ever. Mr. Lafourn said ant l pj; j’jj pp ! nothing, and Bart wondered at hisgiv- shouted the irate 1 in fl such a C03tl y wedding to his niece; ; but when he, as the bride’s father, cane nun old gentletr ‘No, indeed, you won’t pa ! you let! g ave ber away he was dumb-founded. me manage him, won’t you, pa*! Let j As soon as the ceremony was over he him come—let him. imagine Lucille is rushed to his father-in-law: vousi daughter and heiress and 1 vour i “What does it mean ? niece,, with no expectations. We’ll i “!«• means >’ ou have married my see how lie will carry himself | daughter, sir,” responded the happy On the next day Mr. Albertine Gow- | parent, “and we have been deceiving ifou r i} and was 1 3 7 oaeaU the while. Lucille is my ma- ;r waiit upon air. formally introduced to Miss Lucille Cower g.-MJi’s inquired alter the den sister. Bart was paralyzed. “Your daughter f r.i; health very affectionately, an ion became quiver, engrossed, appar- “And my money, as I promised!— Cntiv, m tno conversation that was started, but secretly lie was eyeing his intended bride, aud he confessed to himself that the enthusiastic descrip tions he had given his friend Ralph did not belie her, or scarcely do her justice JU: i the door opener! aud a grace- far Applications for Ex-options BttCSTiira w. ix irr . rains and Arrive at Albany at 3:11 PXV, art of Ordinary, will receive proper attention, es Albany at 9:35 A M—Regular MaK, October i3.183-' modation Train connects three times a : Gaines Train,” connects at Cttthbert. Fort Gaines at 7:05 A M aud Arrive at nes3:40 PM. modation Train connects twice a v/eoiv, lays and Thursdays. j , » W. S. BRANTLY, Aud* y 1,1870 ' 5 u or R'-qr i October’ 41 If j ED.—A Northern man—friendly to the | i,.and a believer in the old Jcfifrso- i ijrverurnent—a College graduate,'dc- j atiou as Teacher in sonie Southern . . references furnished if desired. atfhq terms, “CLASSIC'S.’ orb’ Box No. 7, Dayton, Ohio 42 tf ful young lady, witn a great abundance of golden curls and very large eyes, wall er! in. “Mv—any niece, Mr. Gower ; Mr. Gower, Mias Lee,” observed Mr. La- fouru, and .'hiss Lee acknowledged it with a slight but nevertheless graceful bow. Mr. Gower was enraptured, and the contrast only made his bride-expeefant more rediculaus, however, he determ ined to act ids part and, as a chance pres-, n’ted itseli, he whispered in mod mated tones to Miss, Lucille, that he hoped to become better acquainted with her, though he hated himself for it iu three minutes alter, when.he saw Miss Lee’s ^mischief-loving eyes rest ing upon him, and realized that she had heard him too. Dav after da}' he called, and pro portionally he fell i:i love with laugh ing Nell, and fell out with Miss Lucil le, while she became, in appearance, desperately enamored of him, and wrote liim poetry by the sheet, expres sing her “everlasting off etion,” which lie assured his friend Rklph she meant to mean the oldness of tier love, for he was su;^ she was invented in Noah’s ark. In vain he tried to make love to Nell. She accepted no attentions from “her cousin’s lover,” so she moeking- iNeliie and I heard your conversatoin and determined to test you. We did so, and Nellie still insisted on you be ing tried, and ” “You have taken the conceit out of me.” But though rich he did riot leaye his profession and enter into his careless, idle life again ; he steadily pushed his way up, and now is one of the most influential men of the times, which he always avers is more due to Nellie’s stratagem tlian “Marrying a Fortune.” Singular Custom.—An auction of un married ladies used to take place un- naully in Babylon. In every district says the historain, they assembled on a certain day of the year, all virgins of a marriageable age. The most beautiful was put up and the man who bid the highest or the largest sum, gained the possession of her.— The second in personal appearance followed, apd the bidders gratified themselves with handsome wives ac cording to the depth of their purses. But also ! it seems there were in Babylon some ladies for whom no mon ey was likelv to be offered, yet these were also disposed of, so provident were the Baby lonians. When all the beautiful virgins were sold, the crier ordered the most deformed to stand up and after he had openly demanded who would marry her, with a small sum, she was at length adjudicated to the man who would be satisfied with the least; and in this manner, the money raising from the sale oj the hand some served as a portion to those that THE BROKEN MERCHANT. BY MRS. L. H. SIGOURNEY. ]t is the duty of motheis to sustain the reverses of fortune. Frequent and sudden as they have been in our own country, it is important that young females should possess some employ ment, by which they might obtain a livelihood in case they should be re duced to the necessity of supporting themselves. When families are un- expeledly reduced from affluence to poverty, how pitiful, contemptible, it is to see the mother desponding or help less, and permitting her daughters to embarrass those, whom it is their du ty to assist and cheer. “I have lost my whole fortune,” said a merchant’ as he retuned one evening to his home ; “we can no lon ger keep our carriage. We must leave this large house. The childern can no longer go to expensive schools. Yes terday I wns a rich man ; to-day', their is nothing that I can call my own.” “Dear husband,” said the wife, “we are still rich in each other and our chil dern. Money may pass away, but God has given us a better treasure in those active hands and loving hearts.” “Dear father.” said the childern, do not look so sober. We will help yen gel a living.” What can you do, poor things said he. “You shall see,” answered sever al voices. “It is a pity if we have been to schools for nothing. How can the father of eight childern be poor ? — We shall work and make you rich again.” 1 shall help,” said the younger girl, hardly four years old. “I shall not have any new things bought, and I shall sell my great doll.” The heait of the husband and father, which had sunk within his bosom like a stone was lifted up. The sweet ehlhusiasm of the scene cheered him, and his nightly prayer was like a song praise. They lelt their stately house. The servants were dismissed. Pict ures and plate, rich ciapets and furni ture, were sold, and she who had been mistress of the mansion shed no treas. “Pay every debt,” said she ! “let no one suffer through us, and we may be happy.” He rented a neat cottage, and a small piece of ground, a few miles from the city. With the aid of his sons, he cultivated vegetables for the market. He viewed with delight and astonishment the economy of his wife nurtured as she had been in wealth, and the efficiency his daughters soon acquired under training. The eldest one instructed in the household, and also assisted the young- ger childern ; besides, they executed various work which they had learned as accomplisments, but which the> found could be disposed of to advan tage. They embroidered with taste some of the ornamental parts of female apparel, which w’ere readily sold to a merchant in the city. They-cultivated flowers, sent bou- qnets to market in the cart that con veyed the vegetables 1 they plaited straw, they painted maps, they execu ted plain needle work. Every one was at her post, cheerful and busy.— The little collage was like a bee-hive. “I never enjoyed such health be fore,” said the lather. “And I never was so happy before,” said the mother. “We never knew how many things we could do when we lived in tiie great house,” said the childern ! “and we love each other a great deal better here. You call us your little bees.” “Yes,” replied tke father, “and you make just such honey as the heart likes to feed on. Economey as well as industry was strictly observed. Nothing was wast ed ! nothing unnecessary was pur chased. The eldest daughter became assistant teacher in a distinguished female seminary, and the second took her place as instructress to the fami- >y* The dwelling which they had al ways kept neat they were soon able to beautify, its construction was im proved, and the vines and flowering trees were replanted around it. The merchant was happier under his wood bine covered porch, in a summer’s evenings, than he had been in bis showy dressing room. “We are now thriving and prosper ous,” said he ; “shall we return to the city,” “Oh ! no,” was the ur-animons re- p!y.“ “Let us remain,” said the wife, “were we hare found health and con tentment.” “Father,” said the youngest, “all we children hope 3’ou are not going to be rich again ! tor then,” siie added, “we little ones were shut up in the nursery, and did not see much of you or moth er. Now we all live together, and sister, who loves us, teaches us and we learn to be' industrious and useful.— We were none of us happy when we were rich and did not work. So, fath er please not be a rich man any more.” A GOOD STOBY. Once upon a time there lived among the hills efan adjoining county an old gentleman, whose entire personal and real estate consisted of a wife, and a well ventilated cabin, half an acre of not very productive land, and a vio lent fondness for what is sometimes called “tangled” whisky. One spring morning the owner of this property was struck with the conviction that his land must be plowed. But he had no horse, and found it impossible to borrow one. Nevertheless, the ground must be broken up horse or no horse, and it was finally determined that the “Old woman” should hitch up the old man. and hold the handle and drive, while he drew, the plow.— This was accordingly done, and the plow went bravely on, until the plow share run under a root, and the team was brought to a dead halt. But the “critter” had become warmed up by this time, and as the old lady gave him a rap with the rains and cried out “gel up here !” he threw his weight upon the harness with a heavy jerk, which snapped the traces off short, and he shot forward against a fence, his heae striking the end of a rail with thd force of a maul. Thunderation, old woman!” he exclaimed, as he wiped blood and dirt from his eyes, why didn’t you say w-h-o-a ?»> HINTb TO PREACHERS. Make no apologies. If you have the Lord’s message declare it ; if not, hold your peace. Have short prefaces and introductions. Say your best things first, and stop before you get prosy Do not spoil the appetite for dinner by too much thin soup- Leave self out of the pulpit and lake Jesus in. De fend the gospel, and let the Lord de fend you and your character. If you are lied about, thank the devil for put ting you on your guard, and take care that the story shall never come true.— Do not grumble about your pay. If you want more money, goto work and earn it. Do not get excited too soon. Do not run away from your hearers. Engine driving wheels whirl faston an icy track, but when they draw anything they go slower. It lakes a cold ham mer to bend a hot iron. Heat up the people, but keep the hammer wet and cool. Do not bawl and scream. Too much water stops mill wheels, and too much noise drowns sense. Empty vessels ring the loudest. Powderis not shot. Thunder is harmless. Light ning kills. It you have lightening, you can afford to thunder. Do not scold the people. Do not abuse the faithful souls who come to meeting rainy days, because others are too lazy to attend. Preach the best to smallest assemblies. Je sus preached to one woman at the well, and she got all Samaria out to hear him next lime. Ventilate your meeting-room. Sleeping in Church is due to bad air oflener than to bad man ners. Do not repeat sentences saying, “As I said before”—if you said it be fore, say something else after. Do not end sentences, passages of scripture, or quotations, with “and so forth” —say what you mean and stop. Leave out all words you cannot define.-2?r. John son. Introducing Travelers.—“1 say, con ductor, do you know who that good la- dv is there with a book ?” “Yes ; I’ve seen her a few times.” “By Jove ! she’s spendid.” “Yes, I think she is.” “Where does she live ?” “In Chicago, I believe.” “I’d like to occupy that seat with her.” “Why, don’t you ask her?” “I did not know but I would be out of order.” “It would not be if she was willing to have you occupy it. Of course, you claim to be a gentleman.” “Oh, certainly ! If you are acquain ted with her, give me an introduc tion ; that is if you have no objec tion.” “Certainly not.” “How far is she going, do you know r” “Rochester, I believe.” Fixing his hair, moustache and whiskers in becoming style he follow ed the conductor, who, on reaching the seat where the lady sat, said, with a peculiar twinkle in his eye :—“My wife, Mr. of New York, who as sures me he will die before reaching Detroit if he does not form your ac- WIT AND WISDOM. quainlance. The gentleman stammered, stuteij ed, grew red in the face, faltered out somn excuse, and returned to his seat, leaving the lady in company with her husband to enjoy the joke. Honest Living.- A lad crawled into a sugar hogshead and his first exclamation was, ‘Oh for a thousand tongues.’ A young man, who purposed starting in business in New York city, made a preliminary visit there, armed with letters of introduc tion to business men. These present ed, and the usual compliments passed the New York merchant inquired what he intended to do. •T have not exactly decided,’ replied the young Puritan, ‘but 1 expect to settle into some good businessjin which I can get a living honestly.’ “A living honestly ?” “An honest living.” “Young man,” said the New Yoiker, ‘I congratulate you ; there is not a city in the United Stales in which you will meet with so little competition in your method of doing business. When a young man complains bitter ly that a young lady has no heart it is a pretty certain sign that she at least has his. “Mother,” said Ike Partington* *did you know that the ‘iron horse’ had but one ear ? ’ ,,, ‘One ear ! Merciful gracious child, what do you mean ?’ ‘Why, the engineer, ot course.’ 'I hope my little girl,’ I said on© morning, ‘that you will be able tx> con trol your little temper to-day.’ ‘Yes, mamma, and I hop© you will be able to control your big temper.’ Jerrold said one day he would a pun upon anything his friends would put to him. A friend asked him whether he could pun upon the signs of the zodiac; to which he promptly replied : ‘By Gemini, I Cancer. Have you ground all the tools right as 1 told you this morning when I went away ?’ said a carpenter to a rather green lad whom be had taken as an apprentice. ‘All but the hand-saw, sir,* replied the lad, promptly ; ‘I couldn’t get quite all the gaps out of that.| ‘My dear sir,' said a candidate, ac costing a sturdy wag on the day of election, ‘I am very glad to see you.’ You needn’t be,' replied the wag, ‘I have voted.’ A Yankee peddler on his cart, over taking another, was addressed, ‘Hallo 1 what do you cairy ?’ ‘Drugs and medicines,’ was the re- ply. ‘Ahead,’ was the rejoinder, ‘I carry grave-stdnes.’ A young gentleman having called in his physician, said, ‘Now. sir, 1 wish no more trifling. My desire is, that you at once strike at the root of my disease !’ ‘It shall be done,’ replied the doctor ; and lilting his cane, he smashed the decanter which stood on the table. The father of Dorabella recently found that little girl’s chubby little hands full or the blossoms of a beauti ful tea-rose, on which he had bestowed great care. ‘My dear,’ he said, ‘didn’t I tell you not to pick one of those flowers without leave ?’ Yes, papa, said Dorabella, ‘but all these had leaves.’ The late Mr. Thackeray had n nose of most peculiar shape, as may lx: seen by his portrait. The bridge was very low, and the nostrils extremely well- developed. On one t accasion, at a par ty where Douglas Jerrold was present it was mentioned that Mr. Thackeray’s religious opinions were unsettled ; anti that a lady of his acquaintance was doing her best to convert him to Ro manism. To Romanism !” exclaimed Jer rold. ‘Let us hope she’ll begin with the nose.’ It was at Admiral Washington’s ta ble that Dr. Johnson made that excel lent reply to the poet coxcomb, who absolutely baited him during dinner time. ‘Pray now,’ said he, to the doctor, what would you give, old gentleman, to be as young and sprightly as I am ?’ ‘Why, sir, I think,’ replied Johnson, ‘I would almost consent to be as fool ish.* A Happy Boy.—“I say, boy, why do you whistle so gaily ?” “Because I’m so happy, mister.” “What makes you so happy ?” “Cause I’ve got a new shirt; look ahere ; aiut’t it nice ?” “It don’t look very new. What is it made of ?” “Why, ’lis ne\v, because mam made it yesterday out of dad’s old ’un.” “And what was dad’s old un made of?” “Why, one of granny’s old sheets, what her roam give her.” One exceedingly warm day in June a neighbor met an old man an I re marked that it was very hot. “Yes,” said Joe ; “if it wasn’t for one thing I should say we were going to have a thaw.” “What is that ?” inquired his friend. “There’s nothing froze,” said Joe. A certain general of the United Slates army supposing bis favorite horse dead, ordered an Irishmau to go and skin him. ‘What is Silver Tail dead I* asked Pat. v ‘What’s that to you ?’ replied the officer. “Do as I bid you, and ask no ques tions.” Pat went about his business, and in an hour or two returned. ‘Wei, Pat, where have you been all. this time ?’ asked the general. ‘Kkinning the horse yer boner. ‘Does it take nearly two hours to perform such an operation ?’ ‘No, yer honor; but thin ye see it tuk’ bove half an hour to catch him.’ ‘Catch him 1 fire and furies! was he alive ?’ ‘Yes, yer Tionor ; and ye know I couldn’t skin him alive.’ ‘Skin him alive ; and did you kill him.’ 'To be sure I did ; ye know I must obey orders without asking any ques-