Newspaper Page Text
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POETS?.
from pinknry’s poems.
A HEALTH; v
I'll fill this cup to one made op
Of loveliness alone;
A woman, of her gentle sex
The seemimr paragon;
To whom the better elements
And kindly stars have given
A form so fair, that like the air,
’Tis less of earth than heaven.
Her every tone is music’s own,
Like those of morning birds,
And something more than melody
Dwells ever in her words:
The ^coinage of her heart are they,
And from her lips each flows,
As one may see the burthen’d bee
Forth issue from the rose.
Affections are as thoughts to her,
The measure of her hours;
Her feelings have the fragrancy,
The freshness of young flowers :
And lovely passions changing oft,
So fill her, she appears
Hie image of themselves, by turns,
The idol of past years!
Of her bright face, one glance will trace
A picture on the brain,
And of her voice in echoing hearts
A sound must long remain;
But memory, such as mine of her,
So very much endears,
When death, is nigh, my latest sigh,
Will not be life’s, but hcr’s.
I’ve fill’d this cup to one made up
Of loveliness alone,
A woman, of her gentle sex
The seeming paragon;
Her health!—and would on earth there stood
Some more of such a frame,
That life might be all poetry,
And weariness a name.
- LINES
Written by the Right Hon. George Canning, when a
young man, and placed by him on the table of a
‘ on the morning of her marriage, she
l few days before presented him witha piece
■ make a pair of shooting breeches.
W hen all, on this auspicious day,
'Well pleased, their grateful homage pay,
And sweetly smile, and 9oflly say
A thousand pleasant speeches,
- My inuse shall touch her tuneful strings,
Nor scorn the gift her dqty i.rings,
A pair of shooting breeches-
Soon shall the taylor’s mystic’art,
Have fashioned them j» every part,
And ihade them tight and spruce, and smart,
Wiu'i twenty thousand stitches;
Then(mark the nftfral of my song,
Oh, mfrFyoizrtbvea but prove as strong;
And \&ir as well and last as long,
Asflhese my shooting breeches.
when to ease this load of life,
ke unto myself a wife,
I ask not rank nor riches;
Temper like thine alone I pray—
Temper like thine, serene and gay,
Inclin’d like thine, to give away, t
Not wear thyself the breeches.
fit bee"
of blue stc^kingism onyrtie ond hand, or e?
ignorance dud frivolity outlie other, just as
the work you may chance naino, happens to
be recordite or popular, nay, sometimes the
same production shall excite bofo feelings
“ Have you read Hadji Baba ?” said I to her
one day last winter. “ Hadji Baba, the
Persian ” “ Really Ma'am, I am no
Orientalist.” “ Hadji Baba, the clever
Persian tale ?” continued I, determined not
lobe daunted. “ I believe, Miss M.” re
joined she, “ that you think I have nothing
better to do than to read novels.” And so
she snip snaps to the end of the visit. Even
the Scotch novels, which she does own to 1
reading, are no resource in her desperate
case. There we are shipwrecked on the
rocks of taste. A difference there is fatal
She takes to those delicious books as per
sonal property, and spreads over them the
prickly shield of her husband and children ;
is huffy if you prefer Guy Mannering to the
Antiquary, and quite jealous if you presume
to praise Jeanie Deans; thus cutting off his
Majesty’s lieges from the most approved
topic of discussion among civilized people,
a neutral .ground as open and various as the
weather, and far,more delightful. But what
did 1 say T The very weather is with her no
-prudent word. She pretends to skill in that
science of guesses, commonly palled wea
ther wisdom, and a fog, or a shower, or
m
d from
would
her conversation
as soon talk of a
thunder storm, or the blessed sun himself,
I may have been rash enough to. contradict
con b;
-bnce.
after-her visiters, her correspon-
are to be pitieft; they had need look
to their P’s and Q’s, their, spelling and thehr
stationary. If .you write a note to her, be
sure that the paper is the best double post,
hot-pressed and gilt-edged; that your pen is
in good order, foat your “ Dear Madams,”
have a" proper mixture of regard and respect,
and that ybut* Ibkfihgs and sealings are un
exceptionable.' Shift is of a sort to faint at
the absence of an envelope, and to die of a
wafer. ' Note above all, that your address
be perfect; that your to be not forgotten;
that the offending Benjamin be omitted; and
that the style and title of her mansion, Shaw-
ford Manor House, be set forth in full glory,
and when this is achieved, make up your
m'nd to her taking some inexplicable affront
after all. Thrice fortunate would he be
who could put twenty words together with
out affronting her. Besides, she is great at
a scornful reply, and shall keep up a quar
relling correspondence with any lady in
Great* Britain. Her letters are like chal
lenges; and but for tke protection of the
petticoat she would have fought fifty duels
and been either killed or quieted long ago.
If her husband had been of her temper,
she would have brought, .him into twenty
scrapes; but he is as unlike her as possible;
a good humoured, rattling creature, with a
in the country. Let her stab him with a
pair of scissors.—Let him faint from loss oX
blood. Let her jump out at a window, and
run back - again to London. Let a duel be
fought about it, and let one man be killed.
Bring Lord Tenderheart back again. Let
there be an eclaircisdraent. Let them
vow eternal love, though Lord T*s, father
will riot consent to the union on Account of
the obscurity of Heavenlietta’s birth. ;
Let there be a severe frost, and afterwards
a thaw, to make the streets -slippery. Let
an old gentleman tumble down, and break
his leg or his arm (it matters not w’lich,)
and let him be carried to the house where
Heavenlietta resides. Let him have 9 fe
ver, and recover slowly. Let him start
when he sees Heavenlietta. Let her be
sowing some day with the old fashioned
thimble—or writing with a pencil fastened
in the old silver pencil case—or dangling
the locket between the finger and thumb—
and let the old gentleman change color at
the sight of the said thimble, or pencil case,
or locket, which ever you choose to select.
Let him discover to Heavenlietta that he is
her grand papa, and the earl of Eat-water,
—that her father is dead—and thpt the trfn-
et in question once belonged to her great
grandmother.
Let her confide to him her attachment to
her bodements, and put her out of humor I perpetual festivity of^ temper, and a propen-
[ for the day.
Her own name has all her life long been
[ a fertile source of misery to this unfortunatl
I lady. Her maiden name was S my the. Anne
j Smythe. Now Smythe, although perfectly
genteel and unexceptionable to look at, a
sity to motion, and.laughter, and all sorts of
merry mischief, like .a school-boy in the ho
lidays, which felicitous personage he resem
bles bodily, m his round, ruddy, handsome
face, his dancing black eyes, curling hair,
and light active figure, the youngest man
pattern appellation on paper, was, in speak-1 that ever saw forty. His pursuits have the
j ing no way distinguished from the thousands
of common Smiths who cumber the world.
She never heard that “ word of fear,” espe-
j cially when introduced to a new acquain
[ tancc. without looking as if she longed to
spell it. Anne was bad enough; people
[ had housemaids of that name, as if to riluke a
confusion ; and her grandmama insisted on
same happy juvenility. In the summer he
fishes and plays cricket; in the winter he
hunts and courses; and what with grouse
and partridges, pheasants and woodcocks,
woodpigeons and flappers, he contrives
pretty tolerably to .shpof all the year round.
Moreover, he attends 1 revels, races, assizes,
and quarter sessions, drives' stage coaches
omitting the final e, in which iiqpertantj and patronises plays,.is steward to concerts,
vowel was seated all it could boast of ele- goes to eyery dknce within forty miles, and
| gance or dignity; and once a brother Harry, I talks of standing for the county; so that he
I an Etonian, a pickle, one of that order of has no time to quarrel with lus wife, or for
clever, boys who seem bom for the torment her, and affronts her tweiity times an hour
Cf their relatives, “ foredoomed their sister’s by simply giving her her own way.
sotil to cross,” actually went so far as call To the popularity of this universal favor-
hAr Nancy! She did not box his ears J ite, for the restless sociability of his temper
[ although how near her tingling finger ends I is invaluable in a dull country neighboiir-
| approached to that consummation it is not I hood, his wife certainly owes the toleration
iny business to tel!. Having suffered so which bids fair to render her incorrigible,
much from the perplexity of her equivocal She fast approaches to the melancholy con-
maiden name, she thought herself most dition of a privileged person, one put out of
lucky in pitching on the thoroughly well the pale of civilized society. People have
looking and well sounding appellation of I left off being angry with her, and begin to
Morley, for the rest of her fife. Mrs. Mor
ley, nothing could do better. For once
there was a word that did hot affront her.
The first alloy to this satisfaction was her]
perceiving on the bridal cards, Mr. and Mrs.
B. Morley, and hearing that close to their
future residence lived a rich bachelor uncle,
shrug up their shoulders and say, * it is her
way,* a species of placability which only
provokes her the more. For my part
have too great a desire to obtain her good
opinion to think of treating her in so shabby
a manner '; and as it is morally certain that
we shall ripver be friends whilst we visit, I
Cortes of Madrid. ^Twenty-one prisoners
were found in it, not one of whom knew the
name of the city in which it v/aSjSBome
had been confined three years, some a
longer period; not one of them knetpdflH
fectiy the nature of the crime of which- he
was accused. One of these prisoners had
been condemned, and was to have suffered
on the following day. His. punishment was
to be death by the pendulum. The method
of thus destroying the victim is as follows :
The condemned is fastened in a grave;
upon a table, on his back; suspended a-,
hove him is a pendulum, the edge of which
is sharp, and it is so constructed as to be- '
come longer with eyery moment. The
wretch sees this implement of destruction
swinging to and fro above him, and every
moment the keen edge approaching nearer
and nearer ; atlength it cuts the skin of
his body, and gradually cuts on, until life
is extinct. It way be doubted if the holy
office in itft mercy ever invented a more hu
mane and rapid method of exterminating
heresy, or ensuring confiscation. This, lei
it be remembered, was a punishment of the
secret tribunal, Al D. 1820 i! !*—Llorenti'd*
History of the Inquisition, $c. 1
Mrsi. Electa Whitmore, wife of Mr. Josepj
Whitmore, merchant, living near the Bril
Lord Tender-heart, and let the consent of Factory, in EaSt-Iladdahs, beingin th
his father be obtained. Let the old lady
who brought up Heavenlietta be sent for to
their wedding. Let the grand papa be smit
ten with her charms and marry her. Let
them all be happy.
Let these ingredients be carefully mixed
together, with a considerable quantity, of
honey and sugar—stuff the whole composi
tion with sentiment, and let your garnish
consist of zephyr’s wing9, cupid’s darts, and
other light tnfles, And you will not fail to
produce as sweet a novel as one would wish
to see on a summer’s day.—Ladies Garland.
FROM THE LITERARY MAGNET.
THE TOUCHY LADY.
One of the most unhappy persons whom I dured. Mrs. B ! the brow began to wrinkle I this article, which is very likely, for she is
it has been my fortune to encounter, is a J —but it was the night before the wedding, J addicted to hew publications, and thinks her-
pretty woman of thirty, or thereabouts,
healthy, wealthy and of good repute, with a
fine house, a fine family, and an) excellent I his nephew, in the shape of a superb set o
husband. A solitary calamity menders all I emeralds,. and by ’ a fortunate mistake, she
these blessings of no avail: the gentlewo-1 had taken it into her head that B., in the
man is touchy. The affliction has given a I present case stood for Basil, so that the loss
color to her whole life. Her biography has I of dignity being compensated by an in-
a certain martial dignity, like the history of I crease of elegance, she bore the shock
a nation: she dates from battle to battle, pretty well. It was not till the next mom-
til whose death that fearful diminution of intend ♦q'try the effect of non-intercourse
her consequence, the Mrs. B. must be en-1 and to break with her outright. If she reads
dured. Mrs. B ! the brow began to wrinkle I this article, which is very lik«
—but it was the night before the wedding, j addicted to new publications, a
the uncle had made some compensation for I self injured if a book is put into her hands
[the crime of being born thirty years before j with the leaves cut—if she reads only half
a page, she wiU inevitably have done with
me for ever. If not, there can hardly be
any lack of a sufficient quarrel in her com
pany ; and. then, when we have ceased to
speak or to courtsey, and fairly sent each
other to Coventry,'there can be no reason
and passes her days in an interminable civil
*<war.
The first person who, long before she
could speak, had the misfortune to offend
the young lady, was her nurse; then, in
quick succession, four nursery maids, who
were turned away, poor things! because
* Miss Anne could not abide them; then her
■ brother Harry, by being bom, and diminish-
I ag her importance; then three governesses:
J then two writing masters; then one music
Y mistress; then a whole school. . On leav-
. * ing school, affronts multiplied, of course;
\and she has been in a constant miff with ser
vants, tradespeople, relations, and friends
ever since; so that although really pretty,
(at least she would be so if it were not for
a standing frown and a certain watchful,
defying look in her eyes,)'decidedly clever
and accomplished, and particularly charita
ble, as far as giving money goes, (your ill
.tempered woman’has often that redeeming
/ grace) she is known only by her one absorb-
’ing quality of touchiness, and is dreaded
, and hated accordingly, by every one who
bus the honour of her acquaintance.
” Paying her a visit is one of the most for
midable things that can be imagined, one
of the trials which, in a small way, demand
the greatest resolution. It is so difficult to
find what to say. You must make up your
mind fo the affair as you do when going into
a shower bath. Differing from her is ob
viously pulling the string; and agreeing
with her too often or too pointedly is nearly
as bad; she then suspects you of suspecting
her infirmity, of which she has herself a
glimmering consciousness, and treats you
with a sharp touch of), it accordingly. But
'vwhat is there that she will not suspect 1 Ad-
lire the colors on a ne'vfo carpet, and she
"inks you are looking "at some invisible
Je; praise the patt/m of a morning'cap,
le accuses you {of thinking it too gay.
yi ingf mijtyjpf perverseness, which
why we should not be on as civil terms as
ing, during the ceremony, that the full ex-j if the one lived at Calcutta and the other at
tent of her misery burst upon her, and she
found that B. stood not/ for Basil, but for
Benjamin. Then the veil fell off; then foe
full horror of her situation, the affront of I
being a Mrs. Benjamin,
the face; and certainly but for the accident
of her being struck dumb by indignation,
she never wotdd have married a man so ig
nobly christened. Her fate has even been
worse than then appeared probable; for her
husband, an exceedingly popular and con
vivial person, was known all over his own
country by the familiar diminutive of his ill
omened appellation; so that she found her
self not merely a
New York.
Approved mode of Novel making. 1
Wreck a ship or. overtun a coach. Let
stared her full in | there be an interesting young woman, with a
child in her arms, saved from the perils of
drowning dr overthrown. Let her faint—
cause her to be carried into the house of a
kindhearted old lady, , who puts her into a
warm bed, and gives her some weak brandy
and water. Let the young woman die!
Examine her pockets—'find in one, a letter,
written, to her probably, by her husband,
with the address and signature both tom off;
Mrs. Benjamin, but aim the other a curious old thimble, 4r pencil
Mrs. Ben, the wife of a Ben. Morley, jun. I case, or locket, or any thing you please,
Esq. the future mother of a Ben. Morley I provided it be tbp only one of its kind in the
the third. Oh, the Miss Smith, the Ann, I world. Let the baby smile. Let the old
INSTINCT.
It is the custom in boarding houses to give
notice of the hour of meals by ringing a bell.
A cat belonging to a house being accus
tomed to get his food in the dining room,
soon became attentive to the sound that sum
moned the family to the parlour. It hap
pened one day that he had been shut up in a
room, and was therefore- prevented from at
tending to the voice of the anxiously ex
pected bell; and on being released from his
prison some hours after, he immediately
hastened to the dining room, but unfortu
nately every thing had disappeared, and the
poor cat found himself obliged to go with
out his breakfast. Towards the middle of
the day the bell was suddenly heard ringing,
and the servants running out to ascertain
the cause, they found the cat hanging by the
rope, and pulling it with all his might, in
hopes of summoning the family to a second
repast.
An anecdote of the same nature is told of
a dog that was brought up in a religious es
tablishment When it happened that any
of the community came in late, and wished
to have something to eat, he rang a small
bell, on which the cook passed him Out his
portion by means of a sliding box which
turned in the wall.—The dog had attentively
observed these movements, being in the ha
bit nf watching at the spot in hopes of get-
ting some bones as his share. Not, how
ever, being satisfied with these chance
meals, he took it into his head, one day that
he had been rather scantily supplied, to pul
the bell by dragging the cord with his mouth
The cook supposing it was one of the per
sons of the house, passed out a portion
which the dog instantly took possession of,
and thus satisfied his appetite. This
musement so struck his fancy, that he re
peated the trick the following day, and
thenceforth paid his court to no one, depen
ding upon his own ingenuity for his meals
The cook however, observing that he was
daily called upon for an extra portion, made
a cdtnplaint upon the subject, and after re
peated examinations and inquiries on the
subject, our thief was caught in the act, just
as he was pulling the bell after his usual
manner. The director of the house was sb
pleased with the animal’s ingenuity, that he
ordered the cook to prepare a portion on
purpose for him, thus allowing him to con
tinue to enjoy the fruits of his industry.
even the Nancy, shrank into nothing when lady vow to bring it up.
compared with that short word. I Let-the babe become a
Neither is she altogether free from mis
fortunes on her side of the house. There
is a terrible misalliance in her own family.—j
Her favourite aunt, the widow of an officer,
with five portionless children, became, one]
fair morning, the wife of a rich mercer, ui
Let years roll on.
lautifol young wo-
tufea By
met his de
a .level. The
[evidently taboo,
am-. . . (me but she is
o) bogs is well known, h nine I " |
discovery of human bodie.‘ai so tal
»of preservation, in those 0 nartic
mg on the
ady to be
JtPp
JKfmx
man. Let her hair be auburn—her eyes
celestial blue—her mouth like rubies-^her
teeth seed pearl—her cheeks such ad to
make roses and fillies wither with envy—
her form sylph like—her steps elastic—her
manners dignified yet simple—and let her
Cheapside, thus, at a stroke, gainings com-1 be unconscious of her beauty, though she
fort and losing caste. The manner in which I is beauty’s self.* . f ’
thi9 affected poor Mrs. Ben. Morley, is in- Let the old lady have kindly instructed
conceivable. She talked of the unhappy [her in drawing—and nature in singing—and
connexion, as aunts are wont to talk when let her be a proficient ht both,
neices get paired at Gretna Green; wrote a Let a noble and his lady come to live in
formal renunciation of the culprit, and has the neighbourhood. Let the lady take a
considered herself insulted ever since if any fancy to the beautiful Julietta, or Amoretta,
one mentions a silk gown in her presence.— or Heavenlietta, or whatever name you have
Another affliction brought on hy her own I selected for ber. Let her go to London
family, was the production of a farce by her with the nobleman and his lady. Let their
brother Harry, (bora for her plague,) at only son, Lord Tenderheart, fall in love
Convent Garden theatre. The farce was with the beautiful Heavenliette* Let her
damned, as the author (a clever young Tem- fall in love with him, but let her fancy he
plar,) declared, most deservedly. He bore is engaged to another lady. Let him go a-
the catastrophe with great heroism, and ce- broad without having come to any explana-
, lebrated its downfal by venting sundry good tion. Let her become pale, and interesting-
puns, and drinking an extra bottle of claret; ly pensive. Let her goto balls and routs,
leaving to Anne, sister Anne, the pleasant and make innumerable conquests. Let her
employment of fuming over his discomfiture, |
a task which she performed con amore.— I
Actors, manager, audience and author, se-1
venteen newspapers, and three magazines,
had the misfortune to displease her on this
occasion; in short, the whole town. Thca- j
dance most beautifully) though she had nev
er learned a step. Let her have masters in
French, Music, and Italian. Let her refuse
7 or 8 offers, some of them unexceptiona
ble ones. Let her goto the masquerade. Let
one of her rejected admirers run away with
newspapers) critics and the drama (her, and cany her to a dismal looking bouse
l*t\ , . - < ,^,\ r i
Power of the JWuscles.—One of the most
wonderful properties of the muscles is the
extraordinary force they exert, although
they are composed of such slender threads
or fibres. The following facts in relation
to this point, are demonstrated by M. Borel-
ii, in his work De Motu Animalium. When
a man lifts, with his teeth, a weight of two
hundred pounds, with a rope fastened to the
jaw teeth, the muscles named Temporalis
and Massetes, with which people chew,
and which perform this work, exert a force
of above fifty thousand lbs. weight. If any
one hanging his arm directly downwards
lifts a weight of twenty pounds, and bears
that weight, he exerts a force of about three
thousand lbs. When a man, standing upon
his feet, leaps or springs forward to the
height of two feet, if the weight of such
man be one hundred and fifty pounds, the
muscles employed in that action, will exert
a force two thousand times greater; that
is to say, a force of about three hundrec
thousand pounds. The heart, at each
pulse or contraction, by which it protrudes
the blood out of the arteries into the veins
exerts a force of above a hundred thousand
pounds.—Dick’s Christian Philosopher,
The Inquisition in 1820.—The following
fact shows that the inquisitors of our own
days do not fall below the standard of those
who followed the fanatic Torqqemada:—
**** was present when the inquisition was
thrown open, in 1820, bji the order of the
year o f her age, is now the mothel of
Daughters, alL sprightly acii^e'cYnldrcn,
[two of whom are married and have
milies,)—all bora at single births, and all
five—and never had a son. Just the num
ber that Jacob had sons by his two wives
and their two handmaids, and just the num
ber of the Twelve Apostles. It is wished
that tlifc next dozen may be all sons.
It irbelieved that there is not another in
stance like the above stated, in foe State of
Connecticut, if in the United States. N.
A late Bordeaux paper relates the c-
ing singular occurrence in the n^fobour-
hood of that city-—An old woma^ivho had
formerly kept a hotel, avowed tcher con
fessor that she had amassed a Argo sum
of money which she kept in hr house
Soon after this confession madqat the tri
bunal of penitence, she permifod an old
postilion who had formerly liv/d with her
11 o’clock^’
,Al.r of V»»>r
to sleep in her house,^ Aboi
at night some one knocked ifodly at her
door - and asked in a pitiful voile to be ud-
mittt j? l h> her hospitality for the* night. Be-^
lieving herself safe by having the postil1ees3
in the house; the woman opened th Ectedf
when in rushed -hidden
and armed with pistolsr,*
me your money drl wiiyrnstantlj ^ ~
The poor woman at first was almostJapp
ened to death, but gaining a little court
conducted the robber into the chamlA
where the postillion was sleeping ; he
having heard them coming in, hid hirr?self
beh ind the curtains. My money is in that
closet,” said the womkn at the same time
showing an old piece of furniture almost
hidden by a pile of linen; The robber, lay
ing his pistols on the table, prepared to take
possession of her richbs, but the postillion
who had observeAAiis movements, with
great sang froiq/T^k one of foe pistols
and shot him de&ffin the spot. On taking
off foe mask, tWrobber was discovered to
be no other than the confessor, to whom
the good woman had told her secret!—The
postillion immediately proceqded to foe
Mayor’s and gave himself up until foe affeif
can be investigated. We wait for furthef
particulars, says the paper, before we name
the confessor, and the place where this ter
rible drama was acted. 4
m
From A Sprinrjield Paper.
A man Who is now keeping alarge school,
within six miles of our office, and who. has
kept three seasons before, at $26 per month,
lately gave the following questions :—
Q. How many New England states are
there.
Ans. Twenty-three.
Q. Which is the largest state in the
Union?
Ans. Philadelphia is thelargest, but Ne\y
York does the most business.
Q. What part of speech is the word best
—e. g. he is the 6w/pxan in town ?
AnSVsA regular,neuter verb—indicative*
mood, present tehse, third person singular,
and agrees with he—a verb mysV agree
wi :h its nomitive case in number and person!
Q. What is seven times nine ?
Ans. Eighty-one.
Spell benefit. Ans. Bennifit.
Q. Spell Beneficial. Ans. Bennificial.
Q. Spell Wednesday. Ans; Yrendesday.
Q. Spell Tuesday. Ans. Teusday.
We solemnly assure our readers, that ve-
ly many of the persons 1 who keep our com
mon schools, winter after winter, are men
wh o are thus qualified. And they are ofter/
men too, who have had the advantages of
academical instruction, and can show sundry
certificates from clergymen and Selectmen,
that they are qualified to keep an English
school. We have no interest, save an in
terest in common with every other citizen,
in /this matter.
llorses fed with Milk.—-Maj. Denham
relates that the TibbooS, in central
Africa, keep their horses entirely on the
miik of the camel, grain being too scarce
and of too high a price to be employed for
that use. The milk i9 given to these aifo."*
mds, sweet or sour, and this traveller saya
he never saw norsesin a better condition.
To expunge faults where there are no ex
cellences, is a task equally useless with,
that of the chemist, who employs the art of
separation and refinement upon ore in which
no precious metal is contained to toward his
operations.
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