Newspaper Page Text
BY BBEtSTF.iI. & CO.
. cd DIRECTORY.
STATE GOVERNMENT.
James M. Smith,. Qovoruor.
N. C. Barnet, SeCrtftarf of State.
J. \V. Goldsmith, Comptroller General.
John Jones, Treasurer.
Joel Branham, Librarian.
*> John T, Brown, Principal Keeper of the
Penitentiary. f f
Gustavus J. Orr, State School Commis
sioner. . A .
J. N. Janes, Commissioner of Agricul
ture.
Thomas D. Little, State Geologist.
• JUDICIAL.
wctr fiogk cmcurT.
Noel B. Knight, Judge.
C. D. Phillips, Solicitor General.
lime of Holding Court.
Ghrßoker—Fourth Monday in Febru
ary and first Monday in August.
CBrtfi—Sebond Monday in March and
Noy* fi l her.
•x^wsok—Third Monday in April and
Second Monday in, September.
Fannix—Third. Monday in May and Oc
tober.
First Monday in April and
WurAl'Mondsy in Au’ust.
Gilmer-Second .Monday in May and
October.
Lumi’kin—Second Monday in April and
in September.
Mq.Td^f—Fourth Monday in March and
third"'ftMitay In August.
Pickens— Fourth Monday in April and
September.,
Td^s— Monday after fourth Monday in
May and October.
Union —Fourth Monday in Mav and Oc
tober.
• *-* ■ -■ * _ „
COUNTY OFFICERS.
Q, M. iUQlni V, Ordinary. Regular court
first Monday in each month.
J. W. Hudson, Ckrk Superior Court.
M. P. Morris, Sheriff.
fc J,)eputy Sheriff’.
• Win. Tax Receiver.
J<mih T ax Collector.
»• x * Hqrvqypc.
1» W-Jfr 'Wty- C<>nHM;r. .
JUSTICE COURT—CANTON DIS.
UC&wpti E. Hutson, J. I’.
•R. F. Daniel, N. P. o
U. G. Daniel,-LuC
utf. TOiyN GOMFiRNMENT.
W. A. Teascley, Mayor.
J. W IV> l*wm, Recorder.
James IT Kilby; .Taboz GnU. J. M IT Ar
J. M. McAtee, Theodore Turk, Aldcr-
COUitTf EDUCATION.
* JnrnreO. faTwdnfPresident.
James W. Hudson, County School Com
missioner.
Prof. James U. Vincent Examiner.
Joseph M. MeAf-y, AllHi I’Wlh, Joseph
J M addov, John R. Moore.
Meetings quarterly, in the com ' house.
©ME IV >K <£* T K At 111ERS’ A SSOCIA-
’ TION.
James O. Dowdil, President.
M. B. Ttugle, Vice-President.
C. M. McClure, Secretary.
J. W<At|awny f Treasurer.
Johif T) ffhior Mbnim. j
'. ** ’ t r *
Regular meetings every second Saturday
la each month, at 10 a. in.
Baptist
service fourth Sunday in each month.
Rev. M. B. Tuggle, Pastor.
M. E. Church, time of service, preachers ~
in charge.
Rev. It It Johnson, first Snnjfljtjv -
Itev. It E. Ledbetter, second.
Rev. J. M. Hardin, third. r , „
MASONIC.
Canton Lodge, meete find ami
third Monday nighHTlh ciieii month.
Joseph M. McAfee, W. M.
IL E. Ledbetter, Secretary.
Sixes Lodge, No. 282, meets first and
♦MO#WvPutinan, Secretary.
TEMPLARS.
'FJijipli, No. HV, meets everv
Mik«v kv
edtaM’eiML>v a.T.
' W. IL Secretary.
GRANGE.
JU 2i*\ Canton Ga.
JnbeZ Galt, Master.
Joseph M— Me A lee. Secretary.
''|f'i in r iiMwyT--jt- ■ >- -■ - jf—- ■ ■ ■
Citizens and Friends of the M. &
N. G. Railroad!
JOSEPH ELSAS,
• Pinckney Young Corner,
bfe* n*d it ■»/»>?•
DRY GOODS,
?r^^cWi?rs ..
, £ CROCKERY WARi;
BOOTS AMW SROt*U.*«e best aiatorn
madv work,
mil w gw
dem wisfrak? to you u bat fe» g»»ing on in sell
ing no*. AitWg wib.n |
gxw»Js must I»cmhu for cash, and cash Ahty
*U nil tHcMds tor their liberal
x ciy rcspwtfullv.
17 JOSEPH ELSAS.
©lie Chcrohec Swrgimt
110 W TO LIVE.
He liveth long who liveth well!
All other life is short and vain ;
He liveth longest who can tell
Os living most fur heavenly gain.
He liveth long who liveth well!
All else is being flung away;
; He liveth longest who can tell
Os true things truly done each day.
Waste not thy being; back to Him
Who freely gave it, freely give ;
Else is that being but a dream—
’Tis but to be, aud not to live.
Be wise and use thy wisdom well;
Who wise’y speaks must live it too—
lie is the wisest who can tell
How iiist he lived, then spoke the true.
Be what thou scemest; live thy creed ;
Hold up to earth the torch divine;
Be what thou pmyest to be made ;
Let the great Master’s steps be thine.
Fill up each hour with what will last;
Buy up the moments as they go ;
The life above, when this is past,
Is the ripe fruit of life below.
Sow tru'li,-if thou the truth wouldst reap;
Who sows the false shall reap in vain ;
Er< ct and sound thy conscience keep;
From hollow words and deeds refrain.
Sow love, and taste its fruitage pure;
Sow p<ace, and reap its harvest bright;
Sow sunbeams on the rook and moor,
And find the harvest home of light.
EDITORIAL ARTICLES.
Advice Io Children.
Do not talk in the presence ofgrown per
sons, unless you are addressed.
Do not talk at the tabic, nor eat fast, nor
take the largest and best pieces of food.
Do not hold s’onr fork while eating as you
would a pen while writing.
Keep yonr arms off the table, aud sit up
straight while eathig.
Do not take cake or custard,or cheese,
or bread with your fork.
Do not wash your feet in company.
TV ear your coat at the table.
Do not stalk into a neighbor’s house
without first rapping at the door. Tt is ex
ceedingly vulgar and impolite to walk into
a private room without being invited.
UILIIUL “1 l >av >‘ wrw,” insjxaid of “I
have seen,” nor ‘‘l taken,” instead of “I
took”
Pull ofTyour hat when you enter a church,
and not take it tip until after the benedic
tion. Huts are made to wear nut of do'ors
Hold up your head during divine service,
and look at the preacher.
Tfeat'everybody politely, nnd despise no
one on account of his looks, as no one is
r< sponsible for his features.
Do not laugh at your own wit.
Be kind and attentive to. all people, to
cripples, and to all who arc unfortunate.
Avoid the company of profane and ill
bred persons.
(flieyyqur puVnU alul teaqhers, and not
Stop t| ■ntstion tl>si| authority, nor doubt
Un* propriety of their c<&rhiandS.
Learn something useful every day, if it
is only the meaning of a word, and you will
its wise w heq aj< ol<|.
" * ’G<wTHiV<Wif tcaiper,* and do not be too
quick to resent an insult.
Always speak and act so as to deserve re
sjiect, and all good and sensible people will
Do not be ashamed to follow any useful
Any sort of. work is more
honofatile than idleness.
Po pot of any one’s religiqus
opinions, dress, or condition.
Read your bible every day; remember
that yon are dependent upon an Almighty
Being for every blessing ; that you must
meet him nt hist in judgment; and lie'htinr
hie, prayerful and holy iu heart ami life,
that your “way may be as the path of the
just, that alimcth more and more, unto the
perfect day.” P. IL B.
bWlde-Bonrds.
JL»w necessary are Euiile-bo&rdu and
how various the kinds! Sometimes guide
boards exist of necessity, sometimes legal
ly. It is wrong to deface a guide-board.
TfHtTic guideJwiiird lie a orte, tlvfe law
will, through the courts, inflict its penalty.
JlrA'rvNhly Auwwf all al>out .this kiodof
how ft (Wights Wie
wg«i|y traveler, as he jogs along the dusty
burdened, it may be, with care,
or debt, or taxes, liccause it tells him that
one mile more of his journey is passtxl and
he is that much nearer home.
There is one very striking peculiarity
about all gnide-boanda. when ;«roperly read:
they point out Hue way you are going. A
l very important lesson may lie learned here.
I and that is. others can read the guide-board
as * 011, perhaps, as tUc traveler. Here the
multiply so, it is ven- difficult
tell which one ought to Im? discussed
most thoroughly. Perhaps a passing rc
r<^’}reucc tn a them will be
Huggest ive enough to the reader, to supply
: whnt may be left out.
When you see a poor old mother gettiag
1 breakfast and Tier Lbunclng. blooming
1 dmighler Wore tiai n»u;ror— young man,
this is a guhlc-t»ban:L *
( Wuejj yuu see a poor old Jatbe/ out early
in the morning culling woodland Um* Goli
j ath of the family sitting before the fire or
CANTOX, CHEROKEE COUXTY, GA, WEDXESDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1873.
Virtue 9,nd Intelligence—The Safeguards of Liberty.
lying in bed —young lady, this is a guide
board.
When you see houses out of repair, stock
exposed to the weather, fences down, fence
corners grown up in bushes and briars,
ditches civ,d in and fflled up, Iftnd un
turned and Christmas here—farmers, this is
a guide-board.
When you see students on the streets
with dirty clothes and dirtier faces, and,
with an impudent stare, prying into every
body’s bUrincss —patrons of schools, this is
a guide-board.
When yon see a man idling away bis
time, and buying what he could do with
out —creditors, tins is a guide-board.
When yon see a minister of the gospel
chewing and snioking tobacco,.and engag
ing freely and loudly in jokes, you may
know he has not read the guide-board that
leads to self-dental.
When you see a lovfin or a community
without good school-houses and churches —
immigrants, this is a guide-board.
When you see denominational strife and
sectional hate —Christians aud philanthro
pists, this is a guide-board.
TVhen you see legislators crying retrench
ment, and spending their time and talent on
local bills, or loitering around houses of ill
fame and swilling at saloous —tax payer,
this is a guide-board.
When you put a man in office, and he
swells And struts about, trying to look wise,
arrogan ly assuming to himself a superiority
that furbids his recognition of you—people,
this is a guide-board.
When you see ? man all self—fully drawn
in—hotirding up his money, buying np pa
pers at a heavy discount, and lending his
money at usury—debtors, this is a guide
board. j j
TV hen you see a man hunting the Ordi
nal ;> , and asking him questions about ex
tinjilion laws and homesteads —creditors,
this is a guide-board.
But time and space forbid us to speak of
wounds and bruises, red noses, staggering,
lying, talc bearing, hypocrisy, flattery,
cheating and swindling, and a host of oth
ers. Guide-boards are stubborn things;
they are facts. They will not always down
at, your bidding. They flaunt out before
yon, ana the world reads your history be*
fore it is written. J. O. D.
«IMB>
Let!er From Atlanta.
NEWS OF TUVRIIR SOUTH —TOWN TAT.K —VP
COUNTRY ENTERPIMBR —GEN. TOOMBS —
IMMIGRATION, <SO., AC.
Special Correspondence of The (leorpinn.
Atlanta Get. 26th Jan. 1870.
Dear Georgian—Every day since our
arrival in the hir famed Gate City we have
purposed a preparation of sundry dots for
your columns, but the delay on the whole
is no doubt for the licst inasmuch as our
state capital has become considerable of a
town and it requires some days pro]»erly to
reflect upon and digest the numerous items
of news and <>l busy bustling sentiments that
agitate our state capital and its spirited visit
ors. First and foremost we must br’efiy no
tice the Legislature and only bri< fly since we
presume that your associate in the house
has communicated all special matters per
taining thereto being daily and energetical
ly engaged in its duties with every access to
reliable data. Our time has been more de
voted to outside mattcis. It is patent to the
most casual observer however that the ses
sion has thus far demonstrated an active
lively working spirit in both branches, and
that membep are generally impressed with
the fact that they here are as exponents of
the peoples general good and are desirons
of accomplishing something tangible for
their material advancement. But few
measures of pressing importance have been i
disposed of as vet, the time being mainly
devoletl to preparatory work, & thorough
organization of the committees the assign
ment of sundry bills to their appropriate
places et ct et ct. Tomorrow Thursday
27th wiU doubtless prove the moat lively
day thus far of the session as the convention
bill has been made the special order for the
day, and there are many pros and cons to
the argument. It will not pass without en
countering much opposition. Many prefer
to at least defer the question awhile. An
i anxiety is apparent .to economise in all mat
ters of shite and county expenditures Ml
affecting the administration of laws, collec*
lion of taxes &c all of which your corres
pondent thinks is a most favorable sign.
The Senate and house were tendered a free
excursion on the State Road but declined
i the same, which seems to many an unfor
tunate matter as that road is certainly of
vast value and importance to the State
Treasury. Col. Thos. Hardeman, Alfred i
Colquitt and the “great unterrified" Topnriw ,
are all on hand and the latter has ddirervd
one or two addresses at the capital on cur-.
rer.l topics neither of which your cones-’
j pendents engagements would admit of his j
I hearing. Tonight Gen. Phillips of the Ms-1
rietta and North Ga, road having arrived a !
caucus of it* friends was Lehi and a definite •
line ot policy agreed upon. By the way (
Atlanta contains many warm friends., of |
that enterprise who are in favor of Lrgisla- ;
live measures lo ensure a speedy c mple- ■
tion ot the line. Many disinterested f**r-,
tics look to the development of the section
of Goo, traversed by this road as a matter
of cardinal importance to the State. .A pro
; prts of this our immediate Representative in
j the House at Washington City hassiihjeeted
himself to severe criticism in takii g very
- strong grounds ugainst the appropria’ion
j for the Centennial Exhibition. It is be
lieved that he hai thereby weakened his in-
5 fluence in the cause of Navigation.
Atlanta contin ips to spread out and
. grow taller nowilhstan li ig the gloomy
5 forebodings of cerlaiu w’se nc-fcs to the ef
fect that sliewill s >uie day suffer a frightful
i col’apse and vanish away after the fashion
-of an overgrown airbubble. II ;r streets,
trading houses, banks et ct continue to mul-
| ply and get larger, her hotels are mirenu-
- merqtts and her churches and printing
- houses are larger and seem better filled and
y more full of life than ever before. Brethcr
en of the quill are numerous and plentiful
• in the city and your correspondent ac
. knowledges- the kindness and *pechil cur
tesies ot the Editors of the Daily Herald.
| It is also xhjrthy of note that Mr. George
. McGAnly the very affable and thoroughly
enterprising manager of the IT. I. Kiinbdl
. House and also of the “Grand National
i Hotel” at Jacksonville Fla. having learned
[ of the good work bring done by tlje “Geor
gia n’J at once advanced a years subserip-,
tion to your paper and or ler. d il maih d t«
* his guests at the “Grand Nation d” at Jack
sonville. We believe in such men we con-
* fess. Another Atlanta gentleman bought
, the Georgian ordering il milled to a
friend in the far fame 1 Mining districts of
i Ockland New Z •aland, an island of the
. Southern Pacific Ocean some eight tbou
j sand or more miles dis'ant from Canton !
- Wc scarcely know what to say of the
Atlanta ladies; they are so beautiful and
. winning so sly and bewitching that there is
. some little danger of our forgetting to re
port at the Georgian Office on schedule
time. The fact is vie are tolerably well
f satisfied here and had as soon overstay our
time as any other way. Those Geological
Rooms, mineral cabinets, Agricultural
. Halls, Libraries, nickel clubs, Concer; Halls
; et id omne, cetera are most enjoyable places
] particularly when the compaiiionsLip is
» P’-eryJbing that he n t could wish. Prof,
r TJTriW’frtr. R a- vet v etmi
mendable one considering the short time he
has had for getting it together and his re
port will be read with interest.
, A party ofAtlmta gentlemen have ar
ranged for a largo excursion of sight S'K-ers
from the North West to visit Geo’uia early
in the spring and it is to be hoped steps
wll be taken to make the party in
. question with that superb b< It
, of country traversed by the Marietta ind
. North Georgia Rnilroid. Wishing the
, Georgian a high tide of prosperity, I remain
. sincerely &c Virgil.
' The Kuntry Skool Mom. —The kun
. try skool mom is allwuss 23 years, and six
, months old, and remains rite thare for a
term ov years. She wears her hair either
cut short or hanging around in ringlets,
, and iz az precise in everything az a pair of
, Fairbanks’ improved platform skalcs. She
never laffsout loud, and seldom even smiles,
but when she duz, she dtiz it ackeriiing to
> the rules laid down by Murrey, for speak
ing and pronouncing, the English langwicb
, propperly. She is the oil ov propi. ly, and
would rather be four years lie Lind the lush-
, uns in bonnetts, than to spell a word w rung,
I or parse a sentence inkorrcktly. The ktui
try skool mom wldum divs an old maid;she
p getsmtrrid to sum mnu who Imz less larn
, ing than she baz, and he thinks (az he ought
. to) that thare aint another sutch alarnt wo
. man az biz wife iz, in all krenshim. With
( all her precise foolishness i hiv, and re«p-kt,
, the kuntry skool mo n; she t tut me mi let
( lers, and larni. me bow to ?pol, and she
waz pasbunt while i w*z stupid, she sooth
ed me when I was frackshus, and she often
’ (good soul) giv a titbit from her luncheon
at noon lime. May Heaven bless and com-
( I fort her, for she iz poorly paid, and iz «bp
. mother to every bojdys yung ones.—[J>>su
t Billings.
No Timr to Reid.—We have often en
( couraged many who profrss to believe they
have no time to read. Now we think of it,
there have always iiern men of such charuc
-1 t£*rs, the points of which are easily summed
up.
Nine times out of ten they are men who
. have not found time lo confer any sub-tan
tial advantage either upon their families or
. upon themselves.
• They frequently spend whole days in
. gossiping, tippling and swapping horses,
I : but they have “no time to read.”
( i They sometimes Iwe a day asking ad
i • vice of their neighbors; som* times a day
in picking up the news, the prices current
J and the exchange, but these men never
!! “Lave time to read.”
I They have time to fish, to hunt, to fid
l die, to drink, to—do nothing, but “not lime
I to read."
’ Such men generally have uneducated
’children,unimproved farms and uaha;»py
. firesides. They have no energy, no spirit of
i nrovemeut, no love of knowledge ; they
,li> e unknowing and unknown, and often
i die unwept and unreg cue L ;
VVhal is Civne Made of?
This is a question of frequent interroga
tion —owing, no doubt, to the general dis
cussion epnseqnent upon the.recent frnudii-
Lnt importations—but as often is in indefi
nitely answered, so thoroughlj 7 is the origi
nal material metamorphosed by the treat
nient it undergoes before this curious fabric
Is ready for market, the transformation at
times b< ing so grea l that even the most
skillful are deceived as to the competent
material; as wc learn that one of, if not the
oldest merchants, testified in court that lie
always supposed that crape was made of
worsted —>a pard >uable mistake when we
consider how wiry and unsiiky it not only
appears but feels.
The fa< t i-, However, that the article of
chief value in the production of crape is the
finest Itfdian silk, spun and woven In R pe
cu’i.ir rimnner, and’ treated to vari< us me
ch.injeal Operations -some of which are
held in the most profound secrecy—that its
manufacture not only calls into play the
most exquisite skill and patience, but re
quires the investment ot enormous cnp'tal.
At (he head ot the manufactures ofcrape
stands the English house of Courtauhls,
whose name in inseparably connected with
crape'of perfect finishand beauty. Many
* yCirs ago when their goods were introduced
in America by Messrs. Brear & Co,, the
Cvurtmilds were comparatively small pro
ducers, but now Alessrs. Hitchcock & Pot
ter, and successors ot the above firm, dis
. tribute very large quantities annually be
sides the vast transactions in London and
other European cities.
Crape is sometimes made of cotton, and
passes under the name of “Albert” nnd
“Victoria,” for such uses that do not require
the more expensive article.
The use of this emblem of woe is soon
the increase that the diminutive band or
rosette that formerly sufficed for mourning
purposes has been overcome by fashion,
until stricken ones indicate their grief by
! dense folds of crape, that seemingly envelop
i them in < lands of (inconsolable sorrow.
I Crape, the civi’iz< d world over, is the in
signia of mourni' g, and no other article can
I fill its place, it being the outgrowth of a
I refined c: ■ ;!) ’. that, demanding a suit
able fabric, has found in it a marvelous
adaptability.
Happy Husbands—lt is a man’s own
fault ifhc is unhaopy ’with his wife, in nine
cases out of ten. It is a very exceptional
woman who will not be nil she cun to un
attentive husband, and a more exceptional
one who will not be very disagreeable it she
finds herself wilfully neglected. It w< uld
! be very easy to hate a man who, having
bo’iml a woman to him, made no effort to
make h< r happy ; hard not to love one who
was constant and tender; and when a wo
man loves she always strives to please.
The great men of this world have often
’ been wrct< hed in their domestic relations,
while mean nml common men have been
exo-edingly happy. The reason is very
plain. Absorbed in themselves, these who
(b-sire the world's applause were can Uss of
Ibe IRtie world at home; while those who
i had none of this egotism strove to keep the
, hearts that were their own, and were happy
■ in their tenderness.
i No woman will love a man thelielter for
| being renowned or prominent. Though
he be first, among men she will only lie
prouder, not fonder, and if she loses him
lltrough this* renown, as is often the case,
she will not even be proud. But give her
love, appreciation, kindness, and there is
' no sac rifice she would not make tor his
content aud comfort. The mini who loves
her we|i is her hero and hir king. No less
a hero to her, though he is not one to any
other; no less a king, though his only king
dom is her heart and lioinv.
1..
Among the many vegetable pmlucts of
j Brazil the pottery tree of Para i» not the
least worthy of note. This tree, the Afo
. of lK>tauistß, attains & height of
, 100 feet, up to the lowest bran* hM. The
j s’t-m isi very slender, seldom exceeding a
fisnt in diameter at the base. The wood is
very hard and contains a large amount of
silica —not so much, however, as the bark
whit h is largely employed as a source of si-!
lieu in the manttfaclace of poUery. lu pre ]
paring the bark lor the potter’s use it is ;
first burned, and the residue is then pulver
ized and mixed withchy hi varying pro
portions. With aa equal quantity of the
two mgrediewU a superior quality of ware
.is produced. Il is very durable and will
bear a’most any amount of heat. The na
tives employ it for all manner of culinary
puqxisiea When fresh Ute bark cuts like
I soft sandstone, and the presence of the silex i
may be readily found by grinding a piece j
lof the bark between the teeth. When dry j
it is generally brittle, though sometimes .
, bard to break. After being burned, it is ot :
g*4>d quality, il cannot be broken up be-'
tween the fingers, a pestle aad mortar be
ing requited to critth it.—[Engincor. I
The younz man who raises a bale of cot
ton or a hundred bushels of corn is doing
more for bis State than a thousand inen
who whitii ie sticks and wonder when
! money & vt easier.
VOLUME 1.-NUMBER 27.
ALL FOR FUN.
When is a lover like a tailor? When h«
presses his suit.
Drinking glass af.er glass must produeu
pains in the inside.
No young lady is so honest that she win
refuse to hook a dress.
When does a man have to keep his word?
When no one will take it.
Maiden ladies rejoice. Helen of Troy
> was forty when she eloped. »
What horn produces the most discordant
r music ? The drinking horn.
Why dors a chicken die before It lives?
Became its existence is ova before it come*
to life.'
J Why Is an accepted suitor like a perrow
' guilty of crime? Because he ought to be
transported.
. A Michigan stump-speaker recently aa
’ nounced that “the country is fast drftinf
. into arnica.”
Young women are advised to set goof
examples, because young mea are always
■ so lowing them.
, Willie was disputing with his sister. “It
is true.” he said, firmly, “for mother said
so, and ifi-uhe says so it is so, if it ain't
1 There is a man tn Indiana who takes
thirty-two newspapers, and you might bs
’ well try to ride a whirlwind on a side
saddle as to attempt *.o impose upon that
man.
Two sharpers on 'change were discusslag
1 the merits of a third. •'Yes," said on< of
them, winding up the conversation, ”bs’A
rather lie oh sixty days time than tell
truth for cash.”
Why is it that the moment of popping
, the quest ion is so terrible to x young fellow
r that he fr qucntly can not utter a word I
, Because just then fie loves the fair one t»-
yond expression.
* Am 'n reporte Ito have been an Invster-
> at smoker for twenty years, has suddenly
and permanently given up the practice
He knocked the ashes out of his pipe inio
i a keg of blasting powder.
1 “Will yon please insert this obituary no
tice?” asked an old g ntleman of acoun*
5 try cd itor. “T make bold to ask it, because
I know the deceased had a great many
friends about here who’d be glad to hear of
1 his death.”
The reason why a woman requires a large
wallet for the transportation of a twenty
i flve-ccnt shlnplaeter is as deeply wrapped
iu mystery as the reason why a dog always
I turns around three times when he gets up
after a nap.
> Teacher to colored pnpll: “Now, tny
, bright lad, what is a fact?” Pupil: “A fact,
. missus, is a mule.” “A mule 1 what do you
mean by saying that?” “I reckon, miMU*.
i that you said facts was stublmrn things,
and they was the same as a mule !”
i A wee bit of a boy, having been slightly
r chastised by his mother, sat quietly in hi*
> chair for some time afterward, no doubt
’ thinking profoundly. At last he spoke out:
• “Mnzzer, I wish pa’d get annuzzer bouro
s keeper; I’ve got tired seein’ you round."
’ Tw<* citizens were comparing notes upon
the merit of their spouses. “Mine,” said
' one, “would be a very good wife, if *h«
1 were not so talkative.” “Talk at eve I" re
plied the other, “why, you are a happy fel-
1 low; my wife ta’.ks morning, noon, and
. night!”
A Milwaukee chap kissed his girl about
’ forty times right straight along; and when
1 be stopped the tears came into her eyee,
and she said, in a sad tone of voice: “Ab,
John, I fear you have ceased to love me."
“No, I haven’t,” replied John, “but I must
breathe.”
A wideawake minister, who fount hl*
. congregation going to sleep before he had
fairly commenced, suddenly stopped and
exclaimed: “Brethren,this isn’t fair. Wait
. till I get along, and then if I ain’t worth
listening to, go to sleep, but don’t before I
commence. Give a man a chance!”
A knowing traveler out West, who had
' chartered half a bed at a crowded hotel,
I and wh» determined to have the best half,
bu< kb d a spnr on bis heel before turning
in. His unfortunate sleeping partner Lore
the infliction as long as he could, and at
last roared out: “Say, stranger, if you’re
a gentleman, you ought to cut your toe
nails."
A man who was known a* • free-thinkro
met a friend one day, and, taking him toy
the hand, said, “I have become a ChriMiew.”
“I am glad to hear It," his friend replied;
“suppose wfe have a settlement of that little
account; ‘pay me that thou owesl.’ ’ “No,
said the new-born child, turning oft hi*
I iieel, “religion is religion, and bustnm* i*
j business.”
Answer to a fair correspondent, on the
mode! set by lit< r ry weeklies : “Yourcoft
iduct was perfectly proper in kissing th*
young man when he so requested, in order
to ‘assist him in <!iscovering whether ft
would make tbe can 'le fl cker or not*
Slight deviatio •« from strict deportment
may always be made while investigating
, scientific questions."