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THE SEMI-WEEKLY SUMTER REPUBLICAN:
ESTABLISHED IN 1854,
By CHAS. W. HANCOCK. (
VOL. 18.
The Sumter Republican.
Semi-Weekly, One Year - - - J 4 00
Weely, One Year - - - - - 2.00
B?*Payablk in Advance.aa
AH advertisements eminatiug from public
dices will be charged for in accordance with
an act passed by the late General Assembly
of Georgia—7s cents per hundred words for
each of the first four insertions, and 35 cents
for each subsequent insertion. Fractional
parts of one hundred are considered one
hundred words; each figure and initial, with
date and signature, is counted as a word.
The cash must accompany the copy of each
advertisement, unless different arrange
ments have been made.
Advertising Kates.
One Square first insertion, - - - - JI.OO
Each subsequent insertion, - - - - 50
Ten Lines of Minion, type solid con
stitute a square.
All advertisements not contracted for will
be charged above rates.
Advertisements not specifying the length
of time for which they are to be inserted
will be continued until ordered out and
charged for accordingly.
Advertisements tooccupy fixed places will
be charged 25 per cent, above regular rates
Notices in local column inserted for ten
cent per line each insertion.
Charles F. Crisp,
•attorney at Eau\
AMERICUS, GA.
decl6tf
B. P. HOLLIS,
•It tor new at Law,
AMERICUS, GA.
Office, Forsyth Street, in National Bank
building. dec2otf
" E. G SIMMONS,
•attorney at Eaw^
AMERICUS GA.,
Office in Hawkins’ building, south side of
Lamar Street, in the old office of Fort&
Simmons. janGtf
J. A. ANBLEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW
A\D SOLICITOR IN EQUITY,
Office on Public Square, Over Gyleb’
Clothing Store, Americus, Ga.
After a brief respite I return again to the
practice of law. As in the past it will be
my earnest purpose to represent my clients
faithfully and look to their interests. The
commercial practice will receive close atten
tion and remittances promptly made. The
Equity practice, and eases involving titles of
land and real estate are my favorites. Will
practice in the Courts of Southwest Georgia,
the Supreme Court and the United States
Courts. Thankful to my friends for their
patronage. Fees moderate. novlltf
CARD.
I offer my professional services again to the
good people of Americus. After thirty years’
of medical service, I have found It difficult
to withdraw entirely. Office next door to
Dr. Eldridge’s drugstore, on the Square
jan!7tf R. C, BLACK, M. D.
Dr. J. A. FORT,
Physician and Surgeon,
Offers his professional services to the
people of Americus and vicinity. Office at
Dr. Eldridge’s Drug Store. At night can
be found at residence on Furlow’s lawn.
Calls will receive prompt attention.
may26-tf
Dr. D. P. HOLLOWAY,
DentisT,
Americas. - - - Georgia
Treatssuccessfully all diseases of the Den
tal organs. Fill? teeth by the improved
method, and inserts artificial teeth on the
best material known to the profession.
BSyOFFICE over Davenport and Son’s
Drug Store. marllt
J. B. C. Smith & Sons,
CONTRACTORS 11 HUH,
Americus, Oa.
We are prepared to do any kind of work
in the carpenter line at short notice and on
reasonable terms. Having had years of ex
perience in the business, we feel competent
to give satisfaction. All orders for con
tracts for building will receive prompt at
tention. Jobbing promptly attended to.
may26-3m
Commercial Bar.
This well-established house will he kept
in the same first-class style that has always
characterized it. The
Choicest Liqnor and Cigars,
Milwaukee, Budweiser and Aurora Beer,
constantly on hand, and all the best brands
of fine Brandies, Wines, &c. Good Billiard
Tables for the accommodation of customers.
mayOtf JOHN W. COTNEY, Clerk.
Commercial Hotel,
G. M. HAT, Proprietor.
This popular House is quite new and
handsomely furnished with new furniture,
bedding and all other articles. It is in the
centre of the business portion of the city,
convenient to depot, the banks, warehouses,
&c., and enjoys a fine reputation, second to
none, among its permanent and transient
guests, on account of the excellence of its
cuisine.
Table Boarders Accommodated on
Reasonable Terms.
may9-tf G. M. HAY, Proprietor.
L GEORGE ANDREWS,
BOOT All SHOE MU,
At his shop in the rear of J. Waxelbaum
& Co.’s store, adjoining the livery stables,
on Lamar St., invites the public to give him
their work. He can make and repair all
work at short notice. Is sober and always
on hand to await on customers. Work
guaranteed to be houest and good.
aprl4-tf
Chlorinated Seine, solution Chlori
nated Soda, Darby’s Fluid and other
disinfectants, for use in sick rooms
and for other uses.
Dr. Eldridge’s Drug Store.
r
Tangemcnt of Liver, Bowels and Kidneys.
BYMFTOM3 OF A DISEASED LIVER.
Bad Breath; Pain in the Side, sometimes the
pain is felt under the Shoulder-tyade, mistaken for
Rheumatism; general loss of appetite; Bowels
generally costive, sometimes alternating with lax;
the head is troubled with pain, is dull and heavy,
with considerable loss of memory, accompanied
with a painful sensation of leaving undone something
which ought to have been done; a slight, dry cough
and flushed face is sometimes an attendant, often
mistaken for consumption; the patient complains
of weariness and debility; nervous, easily startled;
feet cold or burning, sometimes a prickly sensation
of the skin exists; spirits are low and despondent,
and, although satisfied that exercise would be bene
ficial, yet one can hardly summon up fortitude to
tnr it—in fact, distrusts every remedy. Several
of the above symptoms al tend the disease, but cases
have occurred when but few of them existed, yet
examination after death has shown the Liver to
have been extensively deranged.
It should be used by all persons, old and
young, whenever any of the above
symptoms appear.
Persons Traveling or Living in Un
healthy Localities, by taking a dose occasion
ally to keep the Liver in nealthy action, will avoid
all Malaria, Bilious attacks, Dizziness, Nau
sea, Drowsiness, Depression of Spirits, etc. It
will invigorate like a glass of wine, but is no in
toxicating beverage.
If You have eaten anything hard of
digestion, or feel heavy after meals, or sleep
less at night, take a dose and you will be relieved.
Time and Doctors* Bills will bo saved
by always keeping the Regulator
' in the House l
For, whatever the ailment may be, a thoroughly
safe purgative, alterative and tonic can
never be out of place. The remedy is harmless
and does not Interfere with business or
pleasure.
IT IS PURELY VEGETABLE,
And has all the power and efficacy of Calomel or
Quinine, without any of the injurious after effects.
A Governor’s Testimony.
Simmons Liver Regulator has been in use in my
family for some time, and I am satisfied it is a
valuable addition to the medical science.
J. Gill Shorter, Governor of Ala.
Hon. Alexander H. Stephens, of Ga.,
says: Have derived some benefit from the use of
Simmons Liver Regulator, and wish to give it a
further trial.
“The only Thing that never fails to
Relieve.”—l have used many remedies for Dys
pepsia, Liver Affection and Debility, but never
have found anything to benefit me to the extent
Simmons Liver Regulator has. I sent from Min
nesota to Georgia for it, and would send further for
such a medicine, and would advise all who are sim
ilarly affected to give it a trial as it seems the only
thing that never fails to relieve.
P. M. Janney, Minneapolis, Minn.
Dr. T. W. Mason says: From actual ex
perience in the use of Simmons Liver Regulator in
my practice I have been and am satisfied to use
and prescribe it as a purgative medicine.
only the Genuine, which alwaj'S
has on the Wrapper the rod Z Trade-Mark
and Signature of J. H. ZEILIN & CO.
FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
Mrs. M. I RAINES
Is now opening her stock of
Spring Millinery!
She will have on exhibition in a few days a
full line of
HATS, BONNETS
NECKWEAR,
H AIR GOODS
AND
jewelry:
Those who wish to purchase MILLINERY
will do well to call and examine her goods,
as they have beeh selected with great care.
decStf
AYER’S
Ague Cure
IS WARRANTED to cure all cases of ma
larial disease, such as Fever and Ague, Inter
mittent or Chill Fever, Remittent Fever,
Dumb Ague, Bilious Fever, and Liver Com
plaint. In case of failure, after due trial,
dealers are authorized, by our circular of
July Ist, 1882, to refund the money.
Dr. J. C. Ayer & Cos., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all Druggists.
POUTZ’S
HORSE AND CATTLE POWDERS
No House will die of Colic. Hots o? Lux® Fe
ver, if Foutz's Powders are used in time.
Foutz's Powders will cure and prevent 1100 Cholera .
Foutz's Powders will prevent Gapes in Fowls.
Foutz’s Powders will increase the qnanttty of milk
and cream twenty per cent., and make tlie butter firm
and sweet.
Foutz's Powders will cure or prevent almost evert
Disease to which Horses and Cattle are subject.
Foutz’s Powders will give Satisfaction.
Bold everywhere.
DAVID E. POUTZ, Proprietor.
BALTIMORE. MD.
Insure Against Storms!
All should at once protect their property
against loss by WIND-STORMS, CY
CLONES and TORNADOES, by insuring
in the Phenix Insurance Cos. of New York,
Ono of the strongest American Companies.
Cash capital $3,300,000.
W. T. DAVENPORT & SON,
Lamar St., Americus, (sa. Agents.
apri!2B-3m
TAX NOTICE.
I will close my books June 30th. All those
who have not made theirtax returns are ear
nestly requested to come forward and make
them. By so doing you will save me much
inconvenience and labor.
J. A. DANIEL,
junel3-lm R. T. R. 8. C.
Flavoring Extracts, Vanilla,Lemon,
Orange, Pineapple, Strawberry Rasp
berry, Almond, Rose, Celery, &c., &c.,
at Dr. Eldridge’s Drug Store.
A now supply of He-no Tea, Black.
Tea, Green Tea, Chocolate, at
Dr. Eklridge’s Drug Store.
INDEPENDENT IN POLITICS, AND DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE, SCIENCE AND GENERAL PROGRESS
AMERICUS, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY, JULY 4, 1883.
__ VOE/Vf-X. _
DMGEH.
Write it on the liquor door,
Write it on the prison door,
Write it on the gin shop fine,
Write, aye, write this truthful line—
“ Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
Write it on the work-house gate,
Write it on the school-boy’s slate,
Write it on the copy book,
Write it where the young may look—
“ Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
Write it on the church-yard mound,
Where the drink slain dead are found,
Write it on the fallows high,
Write it for alt passers by—
“ Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
Write it underneath your feet
Up and down the busy street;
Write it for the great and small,
In the mansion, cot and hall—
“ Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
Write it on your ships which sail,
Borne along by steam and gale;
Write it in large letters plain,
Over our land and past the main—
Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
Write it on the nation’s laws,
Trampling out the license cause;
Write it on each ballot white
Where politicians read things right—
“ Where there’s drink there’s danger.”
FORGUVEN.
I!Y MARY STANLEY GIBSON.
“It is an insult deep and deadly,
which I can never forgive! We part
here, at once and forever, Grosvenor
Strong.”
The speaker, a tall, fine looking
woman, apparently gome thirty years
of age, turned from her companion with
a flushed face and flashing eyes, and
laid her hand upon the door.
Grosvenor Strong laid his own hand
upon hers. The touch was a light and
trembling one, for the proud man was
deeply moved. As he stood there be
side her, struggling for composure be
fore he spoke, his broad chest heaved
once or twice, and his firm lips quiv
ered. There was also a dimness akin
to tears in his deep blue eyes. But
this she did not see.
“Stop one moment, Alicia,” he said
at last. “That door once closed be
tween us, shuts out your life from mine
as surely as the grave could do! lam
not naturally a meek and humble man,
as you well know, and you have tried
my temper and my pride, this evening,
as they have never been tried b; fore.
But 1 can bear much from you, Alicia,
because I love you. And so—”
She dashed his hand away impetu
ously.
“I too have my pride and my tem
per, Grosvenor Strong, though you
seem to fancy that I was born only to
submit patiently and quietly to all
your actions, I tell you, sir, that what
you have said to me this evening, is
nothing more or less than an insult,
which I will not endure.”
“Got knows I did not mean it so,
Alicia!” he said sorrowfully.
Not heeding him she went on.
“I have borne too long with your
pride, and your imperious will, that
would convulse the world itself, rather
than be bent or broken! I will bear
with them no more! Our engagement
is dissolved from this moment, sir.
And if I ever forgive what you have
said to me, it will be—on ray deathbed
—or at yours!”
His blue eyes flashed fire. A sud
den color flushed the statuesque beau
ty of his face, and the firm “set” of
his mouth grew firmer still.
“As you will, Madam,” he muttered
between his clenched teeth.
And the next instaut he snatched
his hat from the table—a door opened
and closed violently, and he was gone!
Alicia Starr went slowly up to her
own room, and locked the door, sat
down and counted in solitude and
heaviness of heart the wages she had
received.
A widow, with an independent for
tune, she had, till the previous year,
known nothing of love except its name.
She had regarded her husband, who
was many years her senior, with a
calm and quiet affection, which had mer
ged, at his death, into a calm and de
corous regret. Occupied by the man
agement of the large property he had
left her, she turned a deaf ear to those
who would gladly have come to woo,
till chance or fate, or, very possibly,
the evil genius of her life, threw Gros
venor Strong in her way. He was a
lawyer, and to him she had confided the
management of certain business mat
ters connected with her estate. Sin
gularly handsome, wealthy, of good
birth, and with polished, courteous
manners, the grave, stern-looking law
yer succeeded where many others had
failed. In spite of his forty-eight
years and the coldness of usual man
ner, he won the prize which many
younger men would gladly have won,
and became the accepted husband of
the beautiful and stately woman who
loved him with all the ardor of a trop
ical nature awakened to the knowledge
of its own strength and fire and fervor
for the very first time. How then did
they quarrel, rind that so bitterly, do
you ask?
Ah, reader, well you know that “a
trifle light as air” can breed dissension
between those who love like this. The
causo itself was but slight. It was
the passionate, angry words, the cruel
sneers, the looks, almost of hatred,
from eyes that had only spoken love be
fore, that caused the parting; and both
were proud, too proud to yield.
So, after a few days, the pretty villa
was partially and left in the
care of two old servants, who were to
look after the sad din and carriage, hor
sea, and all the pets which the mis-
For lTyspepsia,
Cost! ve ness,
tSick Headache,
Chronic Diar
rhoea, Jaundice,
Impurity of the
Blood, Fever and
I Ague, Malaria,
and all Diseases
caused by De-
tress ot the place had gathered around
her from time to time. And Mrs.
Starr’s name began to be seen, here
and there, among the list of fashiona
ble arrivals and departures at watering
places and mountain resorts during the
summer. And Grosvenor Strong re
mained in his own place, doing his
own work, and meeting the gossip, the
; wondering looks, the skillful inquiries
;of his friends and acquaintances, as
j best he might—in silence.
1 The marriage was broken off—that
was certain. And the ÜBual “nine
days wonder’’-extended itself over three
times that space of time. Yet from
Mrs, Starr, or Mr. Strong not one sin
gle word of explanation ever came to
set the public mind at rest. And so,
after some weeks, the rumors died
away, and the lawyer was left in peace
—if peace, indeed, was with him.
****** *
Three years afterward, in the dusk
of a winter’s evening, a stately female
figure robed iu velvet and costly furs
glided np the gravelled walk that led
to the lawyer’s door.
It was Mrs. Starr!
The pride had yielded to her love at
last! She had returned that very day
to her own home, and without asking a
single question of the servants, who
welcomed her with a sort of wondering
pity in their looks, which at the time
she did not notice, she waited only for
the friendly twilight to screen her from
observation, before she sought her lov
er to tell him, as only her lips and eyes
could tell him, that the enstrangement
of years was at an end, that love had
conquered, that she was still true and
fond—and he—Forgiven!
He was a proud and haughty, and a
violent tempered man. Be it so! She
loved him, faults and all! She could
not live without him! Let her yield,
if one of the two must yield! Let his
yoke be on her proud neck, so only that
his loving arms was round her, his
faithful heart her refuge and her home!
The house looked strangely dark
and still. The blinds were closely
drawn at the front windows. At the
side next to the street the shutters were
closed. The ring of the door bell rous
ed a host of echoes within the darkened
hall. And presently a sad visage,
middle-aged housekeeper presented her
self, candle in hand, and nearly drop
ped the light when she saw the pale
and agitated face of the visitor.
“Mrs. Starr!” she gasped.
“Hughl” said the lady, and enter
ing she closed the door. “Say noth
ing! Where is he?”
“In there!” said the housekeeper
slowly as she pointed to the closed door
of the parlor.
“I must see him.”
“You had better not; indeed, ma’am,
you had better not!” said the house
keeper who seemed strangely moved
and agitated.
“I must! I will! Why do you speak
like that? Is he alone?”
“Yes, ma’am. But I have only just
left the room—”
“Then stay out a few minutes more.
No one must be there when we two
meet.”
She turned to open the door.
“Take the light,” said the house
keeper, placing it suddenly in her hand.
“Oh, dear, dear, that ever I should live
to 6ee this day!”
Throwing her apron over her head,
the woman fairly ran away, sobbing
violently as she went. Puzzled, but
unenlightened by her distress, Mrs.
Starr softly opened the door.
The parlor was dark and cold and
still. A faint, oppressive atmosphere
filled the loom. One window was open
at the top, and the white lace curtains
swayed gently to and fro in the chill
night breeze. No voice welcomed her.
No stately foim rose to meet her.
Nothing broke the solemn silence,
which was like that of the tomb.
What did it mean? Why had the
woman wept when she entered here?
Where—where was he?
She held the light on high, and
looked about the room.
A portrait in a gilded frame hung
upon the wall between two windows.
The portrait of a handsome, stately
man in the pride of life and strength,
and the bloom.of health. The massive
brow looked white and clear beneath
the overhanging curls; the firm lips
smiled; the dark blue eyes glanced
down upon her with that look, half
pride, half conscious power, which she
remembered—oh, so well!
Beneath the portrait—what? A
rosewood coffin, studded with silver
nails, with garlands of exotic flowers
strewed upon its darkly polished sur
face, and with its silver-plated lid
turned down!
Within that coffin the face of the
portrait, with the life and light and
bloom gone out forever!
Pale, cold, and silent, but beautiful
as a statute, he lay before her! The
broad brow was smooth and calm; the
darkly fringed eyelids were shut as if
in tranquil sleep, above the blue eyes,
whose light would never smile on her
again; the chiselled lips closed firmly
still; and the contour head and cheek
and rounded, dimpled chin, was grace
ful and beautiful as ever. No trace of
sorrow or of grief was there! If any
such there had been in life, it was now
gently smoothed away forever. Over
the still face and tranquil form brooded
an indescribable look of peace and rest.
It. was "well with him,” now that the
tumult and fever of living were over!
The shadow of Aarael’s wing above
the glorious dead, was beautiful in
deed!
Yes,—“with the dead it was well!”
But the living!
. Long, long she looited npon him—
forgetful and unheeding of her presence
for the first time since they two had
met and loved!
The housekeeper, growing frightened
at the strange silence, opened the door
at last.
The mourner turned and made one
step toward her.
“When—when?” she gasped. “Oh,
my God!” and throwing up her arms
with a wild cry of passionate despair,
she fell senseless at the woman’s feet.
**** * * _ *
The lawyer’s funeral issued from
that house on the third day afterward.
It was attended by the whole town,
and chief mourner, who sat by the head
of the coffin, shrouded in a widow’s
weeds, was Mrs. Starr.
Many eyes were upon her as she rose
to take her last look of that beloved
face, ere the lid of the coffin was clos
ed. Long, long she gazed upon the
still majestic beauty of lip and cheek
and brow; and few watching eyes were
dry when she bent down to kiss those
cold and silent lips for the last time.
No tear was shed, no sob was uttered
by her. Her heart wept tears of blood
the while; but her eyes were dry, and
her manner was calm and composed,
even when the icy clouds fell heavily
on the coffin, and her dead was buried
from her sight forever!
The great wealth of the lawyer was
left, unconditionally, to his “dearest
friend, Alicia Starr, in teken of his un
changed love, and of his full and free
pardon for all the pmin her desertion
had caused him.”
Did she weep when these tidings
were brought to her? It so, it was in
secret. No one ever saw those proud
eyes dimmed by a single tear.
But oh, the weariness of her spirit!
Oh, the utter desolation of her heart
and home! Years have passed away
since her bereavement, but the dead is
not forgotten, and the pang of that aw
ful separation is keen as ever within
her tortured heart. So must it be till
the end of life shall come!
Reader, if it be with you as it was
with her, oh hasten to amend your er
ror while there is yet time! For fear
ful is the power which the dead have
over the living, and bitter beyond
measure is the consolation of a forgive
ness which is spoken from a giave!
GLUED FOR LIFE.
A couple from away down in the
hills came to town to get married. The
groom apparently about thirty years of
age, wore a clay-colored suit of jeans
and a blacksuake whip. The bride,
who was scarcely more than twenty,
was indeed a blooming beauty. Mak
ing their way to a justice of the peace,
and taking a license out of his pocket,
the love stricken man asked:
“Be you the ’squire?”
“I be,” said the ’squire. “What is
it you wish?”
“Have you the power to marry peo
ple and hitch ’em solid?”
“Yes, sir.”
“So it can never be undone?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Fire ahead, ’squire.”
The ’squire proceeded to l usiness,
and when he got as far to the question
to the girl. “Do you take this lawful
and wedded husband?” the groom
lengthened the ceremony by the follow
ing additional questions to her, for he
wanted to be "hitched tighter than
wax:”
“And you won’t have nothing more
to do with Bill Sykes?”
“No.”
“Nur Sam Hill?”
“No.”
“Nur Pete Jones?”
“No.”
“See here, Sally, don’t look down on
the floor that way—that means you
don’t know whether jou will or not.
Look squar in my face, Sally.”
Then Sally looked “squar” in his
face, and he continued:
“Nur Jack Powers?”
“No.”
Here the ’squire interrupted and
said, “I don’t think it necessary to pin
the young lady down so closely. She
promised me to be your true and law
ful wife, and that’s enough.”
“Squire, you don’t know that girl
like I do. She’s a coquette. She
flirts with every fellow who gets stuck
after her, and there’s a dozen of ’em.
Now I want all that business stopped,
and I want it done here by law.”
“So be it,” said the squire; “Sarah
Peters is wedded to you for life, and
no power on earth can take her from
you.”
“That’s the talk! Come on, Sally,
you’re mine. We’re glued for life!—
Oh—wait till I pay the 'squire.”
He paid the’squire $1 —all he had
—and left for home, happier than he
will ever be again.
In no other medicinal prepa
ration have the results of the most in
telligent study and scientific inquiry
been so steadily and progressively util
ized as in Ayer’s Sarsaparilla. It
leads the list as a truly scientific prep
aration for all blood diseases.
When one has had a fever, and the
hair is falling off, take a tea cup of
sago, steep it in a quart of water, strain
it off into a tight bottle. Sponge the
head with this tea frequently, wetting
the roofs of the hair.
Delevan, Wis., Sept. 24, 1878.
Gents—l have taken not quite
one bottle of the Hop Bitters. I was
a feeble old man of 78 when I got it.
To-day I am as active and feel as well
as did at 30. I see a great many that
need such a medicine. D. Boyce.
A MULTIPLICITY OF GUIDES.
“We hope we don’t intrude, but we
thought we would come in and ask if
it would be any trouble to let us see
the inside of a newspaper office.”
The managing editor sprang to his
feet, and the law reporter covered his
lunch with his hat. Theexchange edi
tor poured his ink into his bottle of
beer to make it look iunoceut, and the
rest of the staff crowded around the two
blushing damsels eager to offer assis
tance.
“Certainly,” replied the managing
editor, smoothing down his hair and
approaching the fair guests. “This is
my room, and there is the peg I hang
ray hat on. Only the peg seems to
have come up through the hat lately.
I must have that peg fixed. This is
my—”
“Perhaps the ladies would rather see
my editorial on tho rise and progress
ot mission schools,” interrupted the
religious editor, pointing toward his
own desk. “Never been in a newspa
per office before?” he inquired, as the
girls turned toward him. “I sit here
at this table, and in this drawer is
where I keep my—”
“I think I can show you one of the
most important legal decisions ever
rendered,” observed the law reporter,
taking one of the girls gently by the
arm and making off with her in the di
rection of his desk. “You know the
law has always been—”
“I suppose you really want to see
the practical workings of an office,”
smiled the exchange editor, bowing
very low. “If you will step here to
my department I will show you on
what all the vast machinery jp{ this in
stitution rests,” and the exchange edi
tor gallantly offered his arm, and mo
tioned toward his den.
“Of course, you would be most inter
ested in the weddings,” observed the
society reporter, feeling confident that
he had the bulge on the whole busi
ness. “If you will be kind enough to
come this way I will show you my ac
count of a swell affair that came off on
the Heights last night. The b ide—”
“This is where the local news is put
together in shape,” chipped in the city
editoi. “Everything that happens in
Brooklyn has to pass through my
hands, and I will bo glad to show you
how it is done, if you will be good
enough to take chairs in my little of
fice.”
“Have you come to visit a newspa
per establishment?” asked the cashier,
who happened to drop into the editorial
department at that moment.
“Yes, sir,” faltered one of the be
wildered girls.
“Then come right downstairs and
see me make up the list of marriages
and deaths. You will be ahead of ev
erybody in town.”
“Won’t that be nice!” giggled the
girls, fluttering out after him. “We
will know all about it before the paper
comes out.”
And the triumphant cashier stalked
out while the staff sat down to get up
a remonstrance against that cashier’s
interference with the regular business
of the office in the future. —Brooklyn
Eagle.
AN ORIGINAL WEDDING.
A young man living iu Cummins
villc, 0., about to be married to the
lady of his choice, wanted something
original and romantic connected with
the ceremony. He had heard of people
being married in the deep recesses of
the Mammoth eave, and up in a ballon
boys, but no ballon was convenient
and a trip to the cave was too expen
sive. So he finally hit upon a wedding
on horseback.
The idea was not entirely novel, as
he had a dim recollection of having
read of such a thing before, but it was
romantic anyhow, and quite superior to
the humdrum affairs the newspaperese
briefly noticed. He wanted a sensa
tion that would be the talk of the
neighborhood for some time, and he
got it.
Neither he nor his affianced were
adapts in equestrianism, and the parson
he engaged mounted a horse on that
occasion for the first time in his life,
and the result was a surprise to all
parties. All reached the rendezvous,
which was out on the Reading road,
alter some little trouble, but when they
drew up for the ceremony, the horses
became restive and the riders nervous
and fearful. The bride and groom
couldn’t get their steeds near enough
together to take hold of hands, so that
preliminary was necessarily omitted.
The minister began:
“If any one knows any reason why
this couple should not be united let
him ”
Here the groom’s charger began to
rear and plunge as if charged with
vital information on the point which
he was eager to unload. He was coax
ed into comparative submission, but
as he broke out more violently than
before when the minister again called
for objections to the bans, the question
was not pressed. The bride, was en
gaged in a struggle with her palfry to
keep him from standing on his head,
begged hysterically that the nuptials
be consummated as quickly as possi
ble, as she wanted to go right home.
Meanwhile the minister’s horse had
backed up against the fence and was
preparing to sit down there in order to
make himself as comfortable as possi
ble till the show was over. He chang
ed his mind, however, and waltzed
around in the middle of the road half
a dozen times so rapidly ‘that the
affrighted parson thought that he was
surrounded by a regiment of cavalry.
| FOUR DOLLARS PER ANNUM.
NO. 81.
As soon as he could command his
breath he said to the groom: “Do you
take ”
The groom didn’t but Ins horse did
—he took the bits in his mouth and
started up the road on a run. Then
the bride’s courser made a mad dash in
the opposite direction. The parson’s
nag hesitated a moment and then fol
lowed after the groom, and when with
in earshot the parson, with rare pres
ence of mind and fearful of losing his
fee, shouted at the top of his voice!
“Do you take—this woman—for your
—wedded wife?”
What the reply would have been
cannot be known as the young man’s
horse swerved from his course at this
critical moment and plunged into the
canal along which they were passing.
The parson was only stopped by a toll
gate. He wanted to race back and get
the reply of the bride, but as she had
got too much the start of him he con
cluded to see her another time.
COUNTING A BILLION.
Said a father to his handsome young
son one evening as they were sitting
together—
“ Can you count a billion?”
“Certainly papa; that’s no great
feat,” was the reply.
“Do you kuow how many make a
billion?” the father next queried.
“Not exactly; but I will see what
Webster says in his great dictionary.
Here it is: ‘a milliou of millions; as
many millions as there are units in a
million.’ ”
“Now, my son, this is a very large
number, and do you think you can
count it?”
Certainly I can.”
“How long do you think it will take
you it you do nothing else but count?”
“Perhaps all day, or easily in two
days,” replied the son.
“Take your slate and pencil, and let
ns make a little calculation. As your
tongue is very nimble, I will allow you
can count two hundred a minute. How
many will this give yon in an hour?”
asked the father.
“And how many in twenty-four
hours?”
“Only two hundred and eighty-eight
thousand,” replied the boy.
“This tell you that two days are not
enough, even if you count without eat
ing or sleeping, for it would only give
you six hundred and seventy-six thou
sand, which is very far short of a bil
lion, you see.”
“Give a whole year and I will count
it,” said the son.
“It you do,” said the good natured
father, with a twinkle in his eye, “I
will give you a hundred dollars, and
take you to France and Italy next sum
mer. Come, use your pencil again,
and see how far a year will carry you
toward the billion, allowing that you
work three hundred and sixty-five days,
and twenty-four hours each day. Mul
tiply two hundred eighty-eight thous
and, counted in a day, by three hundred
and sixty-five, and what result will
you have?”
“Why, papa, only one hundrsd and
five million, one hundred aud twenty
thousand. I give it up for Ido not
believe I could count it in mv whole
life time.”
“This is very probable, my son; but
now yon are at it, keep up the calcula
tion, and find out how long it would
take you to count a billion. Be care
ful in your multiplications and addi
tions, for a small mistake where the
figures are so many will make a great
difference in the result. I will look
over you. You have made the calcu
lation and what have you?”
“Perfectly amazing! To count a
million times a million would most
certainly take nine thousand five hun
dred and twelve years, twenty-four
days, five hours aud twenty minutes,
at the rate of two huudred for every
minute.”
OH, WOMAN.
What shall be done with the women?
is a question asked by an editor. Bet
ter not try to do anything with them,
kind friend. The very best course for
a mau to pursue in regard to women is
to let them have tneir own way.
That man who dares to try to boss a
spirited woman will find his hands too
full for comfort. Of course yon might
brow-beat a timid, tender, clinging,
trustful little thing in calico, but when
it comes to the get-up-and-get-woman,
she will get the best of you every time.
Indeed, we have known women of force
and nerve to mop up the floor with
grumbling sticks misnamed men. And
the millions of bald heads throughout
the land are mute but ever present re
minders of woman’s power and influ
ence.
Yes, sir, you’d better let the women
alone and go about your business, be
loved. There are a few things that
women will submit to, such as making
fires and drawing water, but when it
comes to her numerous inalienable
rights all the world can’t move her.
Just so beloved. And one of these
days, unless you hold np on women,
yon will feel tor your curly locks and
they will be gone; you will look in the
glass and find your face for all the
world like a railroad map of Indiana.
Even so, beloved. And we beseech you
not to try to find out what shall bs
done with the women? Let the dear
creatures alone, beloved, and rest in
peace.— Evfaula News.
Knitting silk stockings is the latest
fashionable racket. There is no mon-
I ey in jug painting, and no more room
I for the jugs.