Newspaper Page Text
TlB Mnvilli Eiprass.
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CORNELIUS” W nXINOBAM. Editor.
For the cause that needs assistance,
For the wrong that needs resistance,
.Foi’ tins future in the distance,
And the good that we can do.
CARTERBVLLE, :
NEWS GLEANINGS.
There are 8,456 masons in Alabama.
Jacksonville, Ala., has excellent water
works.
Aberdeen has the largest hotel in the
State of Mississippi.
Alabama ranks fifteenth in the pro
duction of iron.
There are five hundred Sunday-schools
in Mississippi.
There are 1,100 miners at Pratt Mines,
Ala., 175 being convicts.
Birmingham’s (Ala.) assessments for
1881 double those of 1880.
The Texas and Pacific railway track
is now laid 292 miles west of Dallas.
A large furniture factory is being
successfully operated in Shreveport, La.
Macon county, Alabama, is out of
debt, no one in jail, and the sheriff
spends his time fishing.
Cattle, in considerable numbers, are
dying below Chattanooga, Tennessee, of
some unknown disease.
Enough sweet potatoes will be made
in Florida this year to supply the Uni
ted States.
A mammoth hotel is to be erected at
the Hot Springs, Arkansas, by a com
pany from Maine.
Six hundred new horses and mules
are required to supply the demand at
Abbeville, S. C., every vear.
‘ Twenty-nine Uundred and fifty agri
cultural liens have been filed in Fair
field, S. C.
The members of the broken bank at
Aberdeen, Mississippi, have been indic
ted under the new statute which makes
it a penal offense to receive money on
deposit in a bank when in a failing con
dition.
The Macon (Ga.) Telegraph and Mes
senger reports the arrival of a member
of the fish commission with 1,800,000
shad, which were promptly placed in
Ocmulgee river.
Knoxville (Tenn.) Tribune : United
States Senetor Howell E. Jackson, of
Tennessee, has purchased the elegant
residence of W. B. Shaw, on Vermont
avenue. Washington, at a cost of
$20,000.
Claflin University, at Orangeburg, S.
C., is for colored students exclusively,
and is supported by the State. Connec
ted with it, by .special act of the Legis
lature, is a branch of the State Agricul
tural College and a Mechanics’ Institute,
the university as a whole being directed
by co-operating boards of trustees. The
university has three departments—col
lege, normal school and grammar school.
The total number for 1880-81 numbered
388. Connected with the university is
the Baker Theologica’ Institute, where
young men are trained for the ministry.
General Francis A. Walker, superin
tendent of the United States census,
telegraphs to the Enquirer-Sun, of Co
lumbus, Ga., that a clerical error has
been made in the population of Colum
bus. It should be 10,123. The Enquirer-
Sun says that this is correct according
to the returns made by the enumerators,
but adds: “We are confident that it
falls short ol the population of the city
by more than two thousand inhabitants.
Within three-quarters of a mile of the
court-house there is a population of not
less than twenty thousand people, but
we can not claim them, even though
nearly every one is directly engaged in
business in the city.”.
The Two Girls of Frostburg.
Two young ladies for the past four
Jears have had control of a farm of one
undred and sixty acres near Frostburg.
They have plowed, sowed, reaped, buSt
fences, raised hogs and performed the
other countless duties incident to a
pastoral life. In addition to their out
side duties the care of a widowed and in
valid mother has been a tax on their
energies. One of the ladies is a shoe
maker, and all work of that kind used by
the family is executed by her. The
house in which they live is large and
roomy, yet these two girls, whose ages,
by the way, are twenty-two and twenty,
have made all the carpet, and made it
well, too, painted a number of farm
soenes and family portraits in oil, and
filled up the otherwise vacant spots with
waxwork, etc. Besides, the fact that
they are good musicians, the fact that
they never shock your refined ear with
ungrammatical remarks, is also note
worthy. Go to that much-abused village
of Punxsuatawney, and, after inquiring
for the location of Frostburg, walk
in that direction just three nmes and
you will reach the home-made home
of Emma and Marrilla Black.— Pittsburg
Dispatch.
A significant but melancholy com
ment upon the value of the work actual
ly accomplished by the muoh valued
Boston schools is found in the fact that a
prominent lawyer who wished a copyist,
recently was forced to reject a large
number of applicants who had graduated
from our high school, for the simple
reason that not one of them could spell
common words even tolerably.— Boston
Courier.
*Ot 1
le Went fromttie old home hearthfton*,
Only six y Mrs ago,
▼ A iMgblDg* froli<*ingfcllow,
—lt would yotr-fned to rnow.
Sine* then we have not see him,
And we say, with Dameless pain,
Th* boy that we knew and loved ao
We shall never see again.
One hearing the name we gave him
Comes home to us to-day,
But this is not the dear fellow % . !
We kissed and sent away.
Tall as tho man he nails fat her,
With a man’s look In liis face,
1 e he who takes by the hearthstone
The lost boy’s olden place.
We miss the laugh that made musie
Wherever the lost boy went.
This man has a smile most winsome,
His eyes have a gravo intent}
We know lie is thinking and planning
His way in the world of men,
And we cannot help but love him,
But we long for our boy again.
; 1 Vit 1 ill ■ 1 !T *• !
We are proud of this manly fellow
Who comes to take his place,
With hints of the ’••.mished boyhood
In his earnest, thoughtful face;
And yet comes back thj longing
For the boy we henceforth must miss,
Whom we sent away from the hearthstone
Forever with a kiss.
THE NEWSPAPER.
Uezcklali Jones, Editor oftlie Flapdoodle,
Dram a Few Sketches from Nature.
[From the Steubenville Herald.]
The editor of the Evening Flapdoodle
sat in his sanctum the other morning,
just before beginning his day’s work, and
thought he had brought his paper about
as near perfection as possible for an ordi
nary-sized town close to a half dozen big
cities, and he was wondering how he
might further improve it, when his cogi
tations were interrupted by an acquaint
ance coming in.
“Hello, Mr. r* 'xssors,” he facetiously
said, “writing up editorials with the
shears, eh?”
The editor tried to smile at the old
joke, and the visitor went on. “I tell
you what it is, Jones, you have a pretty
good paper, but what do you want in a
town like this with long editorials ? Give
us short ones. You can’t mold public
sentiment, you must simply echo it.”
Then he left, and Jones told his associate
not to write any long editorials that day,
as he proposed, for once, to make the
Flapdoodle just to suit every subscriber
who wanted a change. In a half hour
along came a wicked fellow who talked
newspaper a long while, and then said
he didn’t see any use of Sunday reading,
nor any other religious matter in a pa
per, and if it was his he would bounce it
all. The editor said nothing, but when
the man went away he told his Sunday
editor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and thought for
a few minutes, and a pious old party
dropped in. As he knew a good deal
about the business in its moral aspect,
he talked along, and at last said that no
newspaper could be decent which ad
mitted to its columns any sensational
matter, any advertisements other than
the most high-toned, any slangy squibs,
or anything which could not be read
without a blush by the most capriciously
fastidious. Jones was silent, but later
he went and ordered all that matter set
aside. So far, Jones thought he was
getting things to suit pretty well, and
then another man came in, and like the
others, knew all about the business of
editing a paper. He was a city politi
cian, and said, “Mr. Jones, you don’t
have enough politics. Why don’t you
throw out these farm notes,
and kitchen receipts, and odds and
ends of old news, and telegraphic
brevities which we get in the other pa
pers and give us politics? That’s what
the children cry for.” Again iftas Jones
silent aud later gave orders for the ex
pulsion of all this objectionable matter
and waited for the next one. He came
pretty soon, and he had a coffin for a
coat and a shroud for a handkerchief, and
he smelt like the dust which blows off of
skeleton. Said he, “Jones, Hike your
paper, but what do you run that funny
business in it for? It’s silly, stale, and
flatter than last year’s ale with the bottle
left open. What does a man want to
laugh for anyhow? This is a vale of
tears and we should always remember
that in the uncertainty of life death may
out us off with an idle laugh upon our
lips. ” * ‘That’s so, ” groaned Jones. ‘ ‘l’ll
cut every line of fun right out,” and off
he hurried and out went all the funny
business. As he went home at noon he
met a lady who said she didn’t see
what they wanted to fill ft paper full of
politics for, because nobody read that.
“Don’t they?” said Jones, “then out she
goes,” and when he got back it all went
out. “I’m bound to please ’em all” said
the editor, “If I have to buy anew of
fice. ” Right after dinner a man of business
proclivities came in and said he didn’t
see any use of “these silly little per
sonals and them short local items that
didn’t amount to anything anyway.” If
ft was his paper he would have some
thing of a higher nature or let the place
go bare. Jones listened and told the
foreman to whack out all that sort of
stuff at once. Then he felt easier, till a
lot of pretty girls came in, and, after
making a purchase, asked him what a
newspaper was filled full of advertise
ments for; nobody ever read them, and
one said she was going to stop taking
the paper if he was going to fill it up
that way. Jones told the young lady he
would have a paper to suit every one, or
rather made after the suggestions of
e very one, and he hopgd she would not
find fault. Then he went and or
dered out every ‘ad.’ and smack
and smooth, and waited for
the next man. He came along pretty
soon, and said he could stand anything
but poetry, and that was his abomina
tion in a newspaper, and it never ought
to encounter the columns of a local jour
nal, because it was meant for magazines,
and that sort of papers. Jones took it
in, and went out and ordered all his fine
poetry knocked down. Then he waited
again, and a woman came in, and said
the fashion notes were no good, because
the magazines had them all in greater
quantity, and another thing slie didn’t
like, was the markets. “What good
was them!” she said. “I don’t know,”
he replied, “so I’ll throw ’em out.” “ I
hope you will,” she answered, and went
away. In ten minutes the markets and
fashions were on the standing galley.
Jones began to look around, and as he
was studying, a smaU boy said to him
that “marriage and (Teatli notices was
mighty thin readin’,” and Jones slung
them clear out into the corner. After
this change he went over into the count
ing room, and an old man was there
waiting to pay his subscription. “ It’s a
good paper, Jones, but in this place you
only want to talift notice of local affairs,
and lefcall the miscellaneous aud general
business go,” and—then Jones ga#lhe
old fellow a receipt and rushed back and
took out all the miscellaneous and gen
eral matter that was left, and as he took
out the last handful a friend came
through the office and critically examin
ing his surroundings, said, “ The Flap
doodle is ft good paper, Jones, but I do
think yon have the ugliest head on it I
ever saw. Why don’t you change it?
I’m certain I never would let such a head
appear on a paper of mine.” “All
right,” said Jones, and off came the
head. “Now, Mr. Foreman,” he con
tinued, “lockup the forms and send
them down to the press room.” The
forms were duly locked and went down,
and the paper came out and was dis
tributed as usual. The next morning,
the politician, and the solemn man,
the friend, the school girl, the woman,
the small boy, and all the rest of
them were standing around the Flap
doodle office with blank sheets of paper
in their hands; not a line, not a word,
not a sign of anything on it but column
rules, with nothing between. “How is
this?” said each to the other, “and
where’s that fool editor, to impose on us
in this way ?” While they were thus
talking, the devil came in with a letter
from the editor, which the old man read
to the crowd. It ran as follows:
“Dear friends, you all think you
know how to run a newspaper, and when
you come to me with your suggestions I
hate to tell you differently, so I have fol
lowed your advice and you see what you
have as the result. If you will be kind
enough to mind your own business half
as well as I do mine, and try to think
I know a little something, while you
don’t know it all, I will give you a good
newspaper, and whenever I don’t give
you your money’s worth, then come and
tell me so, bilt don’t come telling me
how I should do my work, when I have
devoted years to it, and you have never
given it an hour’s study.
“I am yours truly,
4, Hezekiah Jones,
“Editor Flapdoodle
Then these good people looked at
their blank paper and their blank faces,
and not one said a word except the pro
fane man, who remarked, “Damme, the
editor is right; let’s go and mind our
own business,” and Jones crept out from
behind the counter, and that evening
issued a tip-top paper, chuck full of all
sorts of persona] and local items, and
news, and- everything, and there was
peace in that town for the space of a
long time.
The Fox’s Advice to the Hare.
One- day a fox discovered a fine chance
to capture a pullet for his dinner, tho
only drawback being the fact that the
farmer had set a trap just in the path
which any depredator must travel. In
this emergency the hungry Reynard
hunted around until he found a hare,
and, after a few remarks on the state of
the weather, the scramble for office, the
Whittaker investigation and the Turkish
question, he said:
“I was just thinking, as I overtook
you, what impudence some folks have. ”
“ How ?”
“ Why, I met Miss Pullet a short time
since, and she boasted of being able to
out-run you.”
“ The brassy creature 1” exclaimed the
hare. “Why, I can run as fast as she
can fly !”
“ Certainly you can, but she’s doing
you great injury among your friends by
her stories. If I were you I’d see her
and warn her that this thing must stop. ”
“I’ll do it! I was built for speed,
and everybody knows it, and I won’t
have no pullet boasting that she can out
run me. Come along, and show me
where she is.”
“Well, I’ll go as a special favor to
you, of course,” humbly replied the fox,
‘ * and, to show Miss Pullet what the foxes
think of the hares, I will let you take
the lead and follow in your footsteps.”
As they neared the coop the hare be
gan to arrange a little speech of greet
ing, but he soon had other fish to fry.
He walked into the trap with eyes wide
open, and ere he had recovered from the
shock the fox had secured his dinner.
“Sayl Say l I’m caught I” yelled
the hare, as he struggled with the trap.
“So I observe,” was the reply.
“And what is your advice?”
“ To get away as soon as you can !”
Moral : Every neighborhood scandal
has three lies to one truth. No person
becomes a tale-bearer except to forward
some scheme of his own. When a fox
is anxious to preserve the reputation of
a hare, let the hare look out. —Detroit
Free Press.
Matrimonial Methods.
To show that the habit of declaiming
against the beautitudes of matrimonial
life and protesting that* the nation is to
be ruined if a period is not put to fash
ion is no new thing, we extract the fol
lowing from the Connecticut Herald ,
printed in the year 1823: “As it is idle
to hope for reformation in those who are
possessed with the fashionable mania,
and as the want of cash seems to be the
obstacle to matrimony, I would beg leave
to propose a plan, which may prove
beneficial to both sexes. It is not a
new one, but has been so long out of
date that it will at least possess the
charm of novelty. Let all marriageable
girls, young ana old, be assembled an
nually at one place. Let them be put
up by an auctioneer one after another.
The rich will pay a high price for the
handsomest. The money thus received
should be bestowed as a settlement on
the more homely, whom the auctioneer
should present in regular order, asking
if any one would accept such an one
with such a sum. This plan was prac
ticed with great success among the As
syrians and several other nations of
antiquity, as any one of our ready-made
archaeologists will admit. By it the
rich will be able to support their bar
gains, of course, and the second-chop
wives—to use a flowery and celestial
idiom—will bring something to support
their husbands and their own extrava
gance; no one being obliged to accept a
damsel if she has nothing but love and
duty to. offer.” •
In the opinion of the Burlington
Hawkeye a good poet, with a light
touch of humor, can make more money
writing liver pad “ads” and liniment no
tices than Yirgil got for his /‘iEneid.”
£ The Southern Soldier.
In the *wint*ar pf 1863 the First regi
ment of Virginia Ajrtillery was in winter
quarters at' jcredeifick Hflifl,'"VS. Bie
Second company of Richmond Howitz
ers was camping on the grounds of Hr.
Pendleton, Here an incident occurred
which illustrates how little regard the
volunteer had for army regulations.
Lieut. 0., of the Salem Artillery, was a
graduate of the Virginia Military Insti
tute at Lexington. He made himself
quite obnoxious to the boys by his
strict military discipline, whether in the
field or camp, or in the winter quarters.
It was his great delight to be officer of
the day, on which occasion he would do
all he could to impress the men with
the idea that he was au fait in army
regulations.
One night he rode up to the place
where the Second Howitzers were
parked and yelled out in a very loud
voice, .
“ Where is the sentinel on this post ?
The sentinel was sitting on a ruptured
bag of corn, engaged in parching a
quantity of the grain, more for the pur
pose of passing the time away (of course)
than with any intention of satiating his
appetite (for all good soldiers will re
member tliat an appetite was an imple
ment not marked down in the catalogue
of a Confederate soldier’s accouter
ments), and he replied;
“It ain’t a post; it’s a sack of corn.
“ Where’s your corporal ? ”
“Sleep, I reckon.”
“ Why don’t you walk your post ? ”
“ Didn’t I tell you ’twa’nt a post ? ”
“ Who’s corporal of this guard ? ”
“Billy McCarthy, Second Howitzers;
sleeps in second cabin at head of line on
left side,” replied the sentry, all during
the conversation keeping his eye on his
frying-pan, which he continued to shake
to keep his com from burning.
“Young man,” said Lieut. C., “you
don’t seem to know the first duty of a
soldier. Hew long have you been in
the army?”
Three years, one month, ten days and
eighteen hours, when the relief comes
round. I always keep it to the notch,”
replied the sentry, singing a few snatchy
es from the popular song of those days *
“ When the cruel war is over ”
“Why did you not rise, salute me and
walk your beat when I came up ? I
shall report you to headquarters in the
morning for neglect of duty.”
Baying which the Lieutenant departed
and soon disappeared in the darkness.
After giving him sufficient time to get
off some distance, the sentinel mounted
the pile of com and yelled out:
“ Hello there, mister ! ”
“ What’ll you have ? ” was the reply.
“ Who are you, anyhow? ”
The Lieutenant answered: “I am
Lieut. C., officer of the day.”
“Oh ! shucks,” replied tho sentry;
“blame my hide if I didn’t think you
was Gen. Lee.”
Poet-Laureates of England.
The custom of crowning a poet with
laurel originated among the Greeks, and
was adopted by the Romans, who bor
rowed this, as many other things, from
their more cultured neighbors of the
East. The poets who received the crown
were the ones who succeeded in the con
tests. In the twelfth century the cus
tom was revived in Germany by the Em
peror, who invented the title of poet
laureate. Petrarch was crowned in 1341
at the Roman capital, which event at
tached new interest to the title. The
early history of the laureateship in Eng
land is traditional. The story runs that
Edward 111, in 1367, emulating the
coronation of Petrarch, granted the office
to Chaucer, with a yearly pension of 100
marks and a tierce of Malvoisi© wine.
Ben, rare old Ben Jonson, mentions Henry
Scogan as the laureate of Henry IV.
John Kav, or Cain, was oourt-poet under
Edward IV, and Andrew Bernard held
the same office under Henry VTI and
Henry VIII. John Skelton received
from Oxford, and subsequently from
Cambridge, the title of poet-laureate;
and Spenser is spoken of as the laureate
of Queen Elizabeth, because of his hav
ing received a pension of £lO a year
when he presented her the first books of
the “Faerie Queen.” In 1619 the
“order” was formallv established by
James I, who granted Ben Jonson, by
patent, an annuity for life of 100 marks,
and thus seoured his services. In 1630
the laureateship was made a patent
office in the gift of the Lord Chamberlain.
The salary wav: increased from 100
marks to £IOO, and a tierce of Canary
wine was added, which was commuted in
Southey’s time for £27 a year. There
was from that period a regular succession
of laureates. The performance of the
annual odes was suspended after the
final derangement of George 111 in 1810.
The poet-laureate from the time of
Southey has written what he chose and
aud when he chose. Wordsworth irrote
nothing in return for the distinction, and
Tennyspn has written very little. The
following is the list of the laureates from
Jonson’s day to date:
Ben Jonson 1630-1637
Wm. Davenport 1637-1668
John Dryden. ..1670-1688
Thomas Snadwell 1689-1692
Nahum Tate 1693-1714
Nicholas Rowe 1714-1718
Lawrence Eusden 1719-1730
Colley Cibber 1730-1757
Wm. Whitehead 1758-1785
Thomas Warton 1785-1790
Henry James Pye 1790-181S
Robert Southey. , .1813-1843
Wm. Wordsworth 1843-1850
Alfred Tennyson 1850
The Eagle and the Kite.
An eagle, overwhelmed with sorrow,
sat upon the branches of a tree in com
pany with a kite. “ Why,” asked the
kite, “ do I 3ee you with such a rueful
look?” The eagle answered, “I seek a
mate suitable for me, and am notable to
find one.” “Take me,” responded the
kite. “I am much stronger than you.
I have often carried off an ostrich in my
'talons.” The eagle, persuaded by these
words, accepted the kite as a mate. Af
ter the election, so to speak, was over,
the eagle told the kite to fly off and
bring back the ostrich it had promised.
The kite soared aloft and returned in
time with a miserable little mouse in an
advanced state of decomposition from
the length of time it had lain on the
ground. “Is this,” said the eagle,
“the faithful performance of your prom
ise to me ?” The kite unblushingly re
sponded : “ You must know that to ac
complish any object there is no lie Ilfrill
not tell.” The only moral to this fable
is that the people should not always send
to the Legislature the man who talks
loudest with his mouth.— Galveston
News.. .1 'dt
England’s Rulers.
The Kerman line began with William
the Conqueror; then coffies in succession
the houses of Plantagenet, Lancaster,
York, Tudor, Stuart, the Commonwealth,
Stuart-Orange Stuart, and Hanover.
William the Conqueror was the sixth
sovereign of Normandy. Henry 11, the
first of the Plantagenets, was the son of
Matilda of Scotland, a direct descendant
of Edmund 11, surnamed Ironside, who
was the son ahA successor of Ethelred
n, born in 989, and King of the Anglo-
Saxons in 1016. Henry IV, as the last
of the Plantagenets (Richard H) left no
children, was the eldest !?on of John of
Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster, fourth son of
Edward HI, and of Blanche, daughter
and heiress of Henry Plantagenet, Duke
of Lancaster, great grandson pf Henry
TTT Edward IV, the first of the House
of York, was descended from the fifth
son of Edward in, as the Lancastrian
Kings had descended from the fourth
sou of the same sovereign. Henry VH,
the first of the Tudors, was a descendant
of Henry V. James lof England, and
VI of Scotland, was the son of Lord
Darnley and Mary Queen of Scots, and
his right to the succession rested on his
descent from Henry VTI through his
great-grandmother, Margaret. Charles
II was the second child among sixth of
Charles I, and started anew the Stuart
line at the restoration. Mary, who with
William of Orange, ruled Britain, was a
Stuart, as was also Anne, “the good
queen.” George I, of the House of
Hanover, was descended on his mother’s
side from James I. The following will
show the length of the reigns of the
several houses:
Years.
The Norman line. 1066-1154
Plantagenet JiSfcJS?
Lancaster 1399-1461
York 1461-1485
Tudor.'. 1485-1603
Stuart . 1603-1649
Commonwealth 1649-1660
Stuart 1660-1688
Stuart-Orange 1688-1702
Stuart 1702-1714
Hanover 1714
The following will show at a glance
the rulers. There were often a number
of queens, and, as space is limited, only
the actual rulers’ names are given:
Norman — Tudor —
William 1066-1087 Mary 1553-1558
Wm. Rufus.. 1087-1100 Elizabeth 1558-1603
Henry 1 1100-1135 Stuart—
Stephen... ..1135—1154 James X 1603-1625
Plantagenet— Charles 1 1625-1649
Henry if.. ..1154-1189 Commonwealth—
Richard 1.'.. 1189-1199 Parliamentary
John 1199-1216 Executive... 1649-1653
Henry 111. ..1216-1272 Protectorate.. 1653-1660
Edward 1....1272-1307 Stuart—
Edward 11... 1307-1327 Charles 11.. ..1660-1685
Edward HI.. 1327-1377 James II 1685-1688
Richard 11...1377-1399 RtTinrt-Orange—
Lancaster!— William and
Henry 1Y... 1399-1413 Mary 1688-1694
Henry V.. ...1413-1422 William 111...1694-1702
Heuy.v VI.. ..1422-1461 Sttiart-
York — Anne 1702-1714
Edward 1Y... 1461-1483 Hanover—
Edward V.,, .1483-1483 George 1 1714-1727
Richard 111.. 1483-1485 George n... .1727-1760
Tudor — George IH.. .1760-1820
Henry V 11... 1485-1509 George IV.. ..1820-1830
Henry VIII.. 1509-1547 William IV.. .1830-1837
Edward V1...1547-1553 Victoria 1837
Flint-Lock and Percussion Cap.
The flint-lock musket and fowling
piece died hard, as will be apparent to
all who remember that in 1807 the Rev.
Mr. Forsyth took out the first patent for
a percussion gun, and that it took at
least twenty years from that date for the
weapon to be generally accepted and
employed by English sportsmen, and
thirty years from 1807 for it to be adopt
ed by the British army. Such is the in
eradicable conservatism of the British
nation, and of its Governmental depart
ments, that every great soldier who had
won his spurs in the Peninsular war, in
cluding, among many others, the Iron
Duke and Sir Charles James Napier,
wrote absurd platitudes against “the
new-fangled substitute for the glorious
weapon with which our soldiers won
Albuera, Salamanca and Waterloo.” The
new percussion musket was viewed with
such suspicion and mistrust by the War
Office pundits that it was issued, in the
first instance, only to one company in
every regiment. Happily, it had an op
portunity of manifesting and establish
ing its incontestible superiority over the
matchlocks pitted against it in Afghan
istan and upon the Sutlej; nor was Sir
Charles Napier slow to confess that to
the new weapon, admirably handled by
the Twenty-second regiment of British
foot, and by the Twenty-ninth regiment
of native mfantry, he mainly owed his
astonishing victory over 85,000 Beloo
chees at Mesanee in the February of
1843. The percussion musket was not
introduced into the French army until
1840; but Mesanee was its “baptism of
fire” throughout the civilized world, and
it is doubtful whether 1,800 British sol
diers, of whom little more than 400 were
Europeans, ever gained a more honor
able or meritorious victory. But, while
the new weapon was slowly making its
way as a military small-arm, it was
eagerly seized upon and adopted at a
much earlier date by sportsmen, who
were quick to recognize the advantages
secured by the rapidity of ignition and
certainty of explosion imparted by the
percussion detonating cap to the charge
of gunpowder within the barrel,
Henry Wilson.
The late Henry Wilson was a consist
ent teetotaler, and once gave at Wash
ington a dinner without wine to W. E.
Forster, now Chief Secretary for Ireland,
and another member of Parliament who
was also visiting this country. Among
the other guests were one or two n\em
bers of the Cabinet and several formgn"
Ministers, Senators, Representatives, and
journalists. Mr. Z. L. White records
that he was among the early arrivals,
and that Mr. Wilson Irew him aside add
told him that he had ordered that no
wine should be served. “I have told
Mr. Wormley,” said the Vice President,
“to prepare as good a dinner as he*
could—to spare no expense—and to fur
nish the finest brands of cigars, for I
don’t want my English guests to think
that parsimony has caused me to omit
the wines,” and then he asked his guest j
if he did not think he had done rightly.
During this dinner it was remarked that
there were thirteen at the table; and
Mr. White adds: “Before the next
winter Mr. Wilson himself lay, dead in
the Capitol.”
* The following Is placarded in the
theater at Durango, Col.: “From and
after this date all persons who wish to
gain admittance to the auditorium of the
Coliseum must leave their weapons at
the front bar, where checks will be
given for them.”
HUMORS OF THE DAT.
.
When things go to D K how 0 D they
B come. .
Many a man who thinks himself a
great gun is nothing more than a big
bore. „ ,
“Keep cdol and you command every
body, ” remarked St. Just. He stood m
with an ice company.
A boy who won’t try is like troth,
because the boy won’t and tru
won’t end ever, either,
Morey men, of many minde.
* Take to “ straddles ” and to “ bunds.
Many fish come In to see;
Matt j gull. th.r Pv. to be.^
As A rule book-keepers are ink-lined
to be pensive. Will some one kindly
tell us if a blushing seamstress is not a
flushed sewer?
“There is no disgrace in being poor,”
we are told, and we’re howling glad of
it, for there are enough other disadvan
tages about it, without that one.
M att> of Yonkers, ere we buss, tell me,
will you make a fuss? —New York News.
Man of Gotham, ere you risk your life,
tell me, will you inform your wife?—
Yonkers Gazette.
A Richmond physician says that if
people will take a bath in hot whisky
and rock salt twice a year, they will es
cape the rheumatism and colds. But
wouldn’t that spoil the whisky?
Disgusted man says: “Why doji’fc
hotels find some substitute for the ever
lasting beefsteak for breakfast?” Bless
you, lots of ’em do. Cowhide is the
favorite substitute. — Boston Post.
Her name was Eva, and when Charles
Augustus called the other evening and
asked her to be his darling wifey, she
gently thrust him from her and sweetly
said: “Not this Eva. Some other Eva.
Good Eva.”
A Rhode Island clergyman was given
permission to. sing “The Sweet Bye and
Bye” in an insane asylum. Many pa
tients were moved. So was the clergy
man. A lunatic moved him clear down
stairs.
“Hi! where did you get them trous
ers?” asked an Irishman of a man who
happened to be passing with a remark
ably short pair of trousers. “I got
them where they grew,” was the indig
nant reply. “Then, by my conscience,”
said Pat, “you’ve pulled them a year too
soon!”
In Boston: Esthetic young lady—
“By the way, Mr. Gosoftly, have you
read Bascom’s ‘Science of Mind? ’
“N-n-naw. I’m not reading much now
a-days. I pass my time in original
thought.” Esthetic young lady (with
much sympathy)—“How very dreary, to
be sure.”
It was their first night aboard the
steamer. “At last,” he said tenderly,
“we are all one, out upon the deep
waters of the dark blue sea, and your
heart will always beat for me as it has
beat in the past?” “My heart's all
right,” she answered languidly, “but
my stomach feels awful.”
“Prisoner, you are accused of having
stolen the complainant’s pocket-book; do
you plead guilty or not guilty?” ‘ ‘Guilty,
your Honor.” “What was the motive
that impelled you to commit the crime?”
“I had a note coming due next day, and
could not bear the thought ©f having my
name dishonored!” — Figaro.
When a husband becomes angry and
swears before his family, he is not so
much to blame; he doesn’t know how it
sounds. His wife, really, is to blame
she ought to swear, too, to let him hear
how it sounds. Isn’t this sound logic?—
Kentucky State Journal. Well, we’ll
be—ahem—yes—that—is—we’ll be com
pelled to say that it is.—Steubenville
Herald.
A Prosperous Section.
We are reliably informed that in the
section of our county known as Bull
Swamp, proper, there is not a man within
ten miles who gives a lien on his crop..
Farms are run on a cash basis or on the
personal credit of the farmer without re
sort to lien or mortgage on any property
whatever. Asa natural consequence of
this state of things improvements and
progress are everywhere visible in fences,
houses, fields, stock and home premises.
The two races live and work in perfect
accord, and colored laborers are not un
frequently known to live for a series oi
years in the employment of one man. In
this way home comforts and values are
accumulated until the prosperous laborer
finds himself able to secure a home of
his own. There is not a trial justice or a
bar-room in the whole section nor will
the citizens suffer oue of these nuisances
to exist among them. There is no ne
cessity for the the one and no patronage
for the other. It is believed that the
citizens of this favored section will pe
tition the next General Assembly to pass
a law prohibiting the sale of liquor en
tirely. This is certainly an excellent
record for Bull Swamp, financially, and
morally.— Orangeburg (S , C.) Demo
crat.
Broom Corn.
Broom com was introduced into this
country by Dr. Franklin. He saw*a
seed on a broom, planted it, and the
seeds from this single plant were the
beginning of broom oom as an American
agricultural product. The credit of the
broom-making industry is due to the
Shakers, who, raising the plants in their
gardens, manufactured the brooms and
§q}(l them for 50 cents, or more, apiece.
Immediately after the war, so great was
the profit from its cultivation, that it
was soon overdone, and the many who
had rushed into the business were soon
discouraged and abandoned it. Now it
is cultivated in all parts of the country.
‘V r Salaries ©f British Ministers.
The salary list of the British Govern
ment shows the relative rank assigned
to Washington as a diplomatic station
by the European powers. The British
Minister at Paris receives an annual sal
ary of $50,000; at Vienna, $40,000; at
Constantinople, $40,000; at St. Peters
burg, $39,000 \ at Berlin, $35,000; at
Pekin/ $30,000; at Madrid even, $27,-
000; while at Washington Sir Edward
Thornton is obliged to live on $25,000
and a very considerable number of al
lowances. In point of grade the Euro
peans rank Washington practically with
the missions to Brazil, to Japan, to the
Hague and to Lisbon.
Virtue has many preachers but few
martyrs.