Newspaper Page Text
The BBllor the husband tho big
gel’ the bundle his wiio makes him
teat.
What do you most like next to
yourself?” asks an exchange. A
gauze silk underskirt, if the weather
is very hot.
Tho way to keep a boy from going
in swimming is to convince him in
some wav that swimming is a duly
he owes his mother.
An Idaho woman didn’t faint when
an ludian seized I.or, but she broke
away and picked up a pitchfork, and
lie joined his iribo with two port holes
in his lungs.
Americans ara the most inventive
race on the globe, and it seems sin
gular that, no plan for making flies
slay in bed until the entire house
hold is up has yet been patented.
Alter you have tried it a time or
two you will find out that it is not
judicious to give the man across the
tabic tho point of an excruciatingly
funny story jurt as lie has filled hi.
mouth with hot collce.
Ho went into a ironi'mnt drug
storo and said to the dentist, “You
palls out mitout pain?'’ “Cortuin
ly.” “What does dat cost?” “One
dollar.” ‘T’y sliiminy—you .links dat
don’t hurt nono, py gracious.”
A committee on tableaux at a cen
tcnial exhibition ia Vermont issued
an invitation asking all the pretty
women in town to meet at the hull to
take part in the tabk aux, and every
woman in the place camo to time.
That committee knew how to get
plenty of help.
An old lady recently visiting a
prison asked one of tlie attendants
why tlie prisoners received such
coarse food, lie told In rit was to
keep their blood liom bi coming im
pure. And when asked what they
would do if their blood was impure,
he dryly responded, “Break out.”
“Well, 1 declare,” said a stranger
the other day as lie looked at a Ho
man’s boots, “when they were dealing
out feet they were pretty liberal with
you, weren’t they?” “Yes,” replied
plied tho Roman, “they seemed to
bo more liberal with mo in that par
ticular than they were with you when
dealing out brains.” The stranger
turned red in the face nml walked oik
A Western paper heads the mar
riage of a bachelor of 75 years, “An
other Old Land Maik Gone.”
A Met idian man has a Bible 142
years old. Strange how long a Bible
may be made to last by temperate
usage when a novel would last hard
ly twelve months.
“Gentlemen,” said a farmer, writ
ing to the chairman of ail agi icuiltiral
society, “put mo down on your list of
cattle for a calf.”
Tlie >oun( damsel residing in Clyde,
Who tong for a husband had sighed;
By tho use of her fan
She at last caught a man.
And remarked: “Well, I'll make tho boss
bride.”
A well-dressed negro applied to
the Judge of iTobate of Mobile lor
a marriage license, ilo was asked
how old his intended was, and an
swered with great animation: “Just
16, sweet —16—and de .handsomest
girl inf town.” The Judge said he
could not do it, as the law forbade
him to issuo license to any one undo!
18. “Well, hold on, Judge,” exclaim
ed the man, “1 know dat dem girls
am deceitful and lie about deir age.
She is 19 if a day.” Will you swear
to it?” asked the Judge “Yes,
sab,” lie replied, and did. “Ana
bow eld are you ?" said the Judge,—
Tho chap, looking suspicious, re
plied cautiously: “35,” and added,
if dat won't do, Judge, I’ve got more
back.”
FATAL ACCIDENT.
Blakely, July 18.
Editors Telegraph and Messenger:
I intended 10 give you earlier the par
ticulars of the dreadful accident giv
en below, but the mail got oil to
soen.
On Saturday morning last, Mrs.
Elizabeth Bryant and Mrs. Addie
Greemer, sisters, and daughters of
our fellow towns-man. Judge James
B. Jones, started in a hack to Ald
ington, tho home of the former la
dy. When about six miles and a
half from a country store called Su
guar 'fit, the lasteniugs which held
the scat down gave way, precipitin
ing both ladies out backwards, al
most instantly killing Mrs. Bryant,
and breaking a bone intho shoulder of
Mrs. Greemer, The driver secured
beip and sent for a physician as soon
p.s possible. Mrs. Bryant was hurried
in the cemetery here yesterday (Sun
day) at two o’clock. Mrs. Greem
mens improving—her injuries being
more painful than dangrous.
Lemoks.
TV. A. SINGLETON, Ed and Prop'r.
vol r>.
MAHIIY A GENTLEMAN.
BY MRS. M. 1,. KIDDER.
Mary a gentleman,
Girls if you can,
Molded and built
On (lie generous plan,
Though he may neither
Have silver or gold,
Titloor fortune,
“To have or to hold. ”
Though,ho may labor
With spado and with hop,
,T’iouj;)i tie may’yuiplit t ,
But Bis mother tongue know,
Though lie lives under
Society’s band,
Marry a gentleman.
Girls, if you can.
Marry a gentleman,
Girls, if you can I
Gentle and lender,
Though no less a man;
One who will treasure
Ills child or nis wife,
Scorning to rob them
Of sweetness in life.
One who will never
The brute’s part assume,
Filling his household
With sorrow a: and gloom.
If, on love’sjaltar,
Tho flame you would fan,
Marry a gentleman,
Girls, if you can,
You will he happy,
And you will bo glad,
Though ho only
Be commonly clad.
Pleasure is fleeting,
And life but a span—
Marry a gentleman,
Gilrs, if you can.
MY VACATION.
BY AN EX-VASSAR GIRL.
“llow much farther is it, Jennie?”
said I to my siho 1 fiicml, confidante
and chum, Jennie Dalton, whom I
was accompanying Lome to spend the
vacation wiib her family, at Glen
wood Place.
“Not far,” was the answer. “But
don’t ifo impatient; amuse yourself
with thinking of all I Lave told you
concerning those you are going to
see. Can you remember ? —what
was it i told you of mother?”
“That she was good-natured, and
would kill me with kindness.’’
“Bight. And father?’’
“Stately, hospitable and politi
cian.”
“flight again. And brother
Giorge ?’’
“That ho is a perfect college scape
goat—wild, good-for-nothing and
kiliingly handsome, and that—and
that he would break my heart, spite
of my guardian-angel—who, by the
way, I think deserted me during that
last scrapo at Madame Lebanc’s.’’
“And of my adorable fiance,
Charles Shelburne ?”
“That he is intelligent, graceful
and irresistible, but that I shall not
like him, when 1 know by your own
description that I shall bo sure to
adore him. But as for thatrolicking
brother of yours, whom you arc de
termined I shall full in love with and
marry, I am sure I shall detest him;
I feel symptoms of it already. I al
ways told you I’d never marry a
brother of yours—l know you too
well.”
Jennie'laughed, saying that time
would determine, and that I should
not walk in “maiden meditation fan
cy free” any longer than would suf
fice to permit George Dalton, M. D.,
to bring the artillery of his whis
kers, moufctacho, smiles and general
fascinations to bear upon my sus
ceptible heart.
I again declared my intention of
falling in love, at first sight, with her
dignified lover—adding, that I al
ways detested a gay, flirting man.
“Changed your mind, haven’t
you'?” interrupted Jennie, “since
that last boarding-school afiair, when
you were so enamored of that rol
licking young sophmore, and when
you answered, in reply to my remon
strances, that you liked a little spice
of diablerio in a man—it was so pi
quant ? Oh, rna chcrc Laura, but if
-A. DE MOCBATIC FAMILY NEWSP AP.VTI,
BUENA VISTA, MARION COUNTY, GA„ I. LY 28, ISBO.
you go to liking Shelburne you’ll get
into difficulty at once; for I’m as
jealous as Othello, and will smother
you with a pillow the first time yon
excite tho gi eon-eyed monster by any
of your stereotyped flirtation airs.—
And then 1 know Charley won’t like
you a bit, for ho always said 1 was
his ideal; and ho likes a woman that
don’t know much; and here you’re
cL.-vi r, and yon can’t disguise that
fact. And then you’re both witty
ami Satirical—two tilings lie especi
ally dislikes in a woman. Don’t
yawn, as though you don’t care for
what I am saying; lor I want you to
promise, before we got there, that
you’ll like brother George, lor I
know he’ll adore you; amt I’ve set
my heart upon having you for a sis
ter. Look I there’s tho gale. Wel
come, welcome to Glen wood, dearest
Laura!”
We wire a little surprised to find
no one there to meet us, but were
soon informed by a servant that Mr.
and Mrs. Dalton had boon called to
a distance to visit a sick relative, and
that the young gentlemen were off
driving.
We seated ourselves by the win
dow to watch for tho return of the
boys. At lust they drove up, and
Jennie begged me to excuse hot 1 for a
moment while she ran down to see
them. She soon returned, and,
dancing and pirouting around the
room, said:
“Come, Laura, you’re looking so
charming in that'crimson cashmere;
and George so admires crimson !”
“Hang George!” was my polite ex
pression, as I mentally wished him
in Abraham’s bosom. But 1 took
her arm and descended to the par
lor. My curiosity was greatly exci
ted concerning theso two persons,
and I glanced eagerly to see if they
answered to Jennie’s description.—
They did perfectly. One was slight
ly built and graceful, with brown hair
and whiskers, and laughing blue eyes
—just the kind of man I did not
like; this was Dr. George Dalton. —
the other was tall and dark, black
hair, eyes and whiskers; altogether,
a most magnificent fellow—just the
kind of a man I did most emphati
cally like. All my school-girl ideas
were of just such men; and I had at
different times, up to the age of sev
enteen years, thought myself incura
blv in love with at least a dozen ol
them. A pair of black eyes at any
time was enough to set my heart
in palpitation for a week; and I had
always held with the fact that a
handsome man’s “the noblest work of
God.”
I was introduced, and a gay con
versation commenced, which was pro
tracted till the “wee sma’ hours avant
tho twail”—each one striving to out
do the other in tho madness and
merriment of his remarks. We had
music; and when George Dal on led
me to tho piano, and turned tiie
leaves, I caught myself looking away
from his merry blue eyes to dark
passionful eyes behind me. And
when we went to bed that night
1 said to Jennie, as I fastened my
wrapper, that Charley Shelburne was
the most charming, splendid fellow I
ever knew.’’
“I know your love;” said sho
“You say that about too many to
make me fesl much concerned about
it; but it you should continue of that
mind many days, I shall warn you
that you had bettor not be poaching
on my grounds. I remember bow
you got that young Lieutenant away
from me and jilted him in a week.’’
1 liked to tease Jennie, and had,
moreover determined to carry out
my prediction, and make her believe
1 liked Charley; so, the next day, I
played my gamo deeper than ever.—
I laughed, danced, sang, played
chess and flirted in tho most ap
proved manner; and, altogether,
piayCd my cards so will that! thought
l hud really slightly interest'd him.
Jennie did not appear to care, though
I thought her non-chalanco merely
affected; and so, from day to day.
wo passed tho time in a perfect round
of jollity. Never had those old walls
at Glemvood echoed to §uch mirth,
and never had those surprised sor
w
vants sci-n a company sp mad.
George was the leader in all lrol
ics; and his furl lie fan ’ m.'d uev
er at a Joss for some new prank, or
some side splitting yarn with wh ch
to convulse his listeners and “bring
down the house.” Charles was more
quiet, and yet far more witty; and
none contributed more to the gener
al enjoyment. He had grown grad
ually more devoted to me, and 1
thought his attentions anything but
loverlike to Jennie, and she became
a trifle less animated; but, altogeth
er, the hours llew by winged with
bliss, and my foolish little heait
whispered more and more loudly
each day the name of Charley Shel
burne.
One night we had been mote than
usually wild, and, after we went to
our room, Jennie, not yet done with
her frolic, proposed that we should
array ourselves in ghostly habili
ments, and frighten the boys to daatii.
“They have gone to their room by
this time,” said she, “and wo will
glide in spectral garments, and out
of the other door with a groan.—
They will sleep with their heads
under the clothes all night, I’ll war
rant; and be as pale as Hamlet in
the morning.’’
I was agreed; and so we wrapped
ourselves iu the sheets, sprinkled our
hair with Hour, and then, with
an incipient groan in our
throat, ready for use at the proper
time, we stepped into tho hull, and
glided towards their rooms. But
suddenly two dark forms appeared
behind us; and, though we came out
with all our groans in i ur best style,
and waved our spectral arms, it failed
to frighten them away; and seized
with a sudden panic, I commenced
to run. The dark figure behind me
quickened its pace; the chase became
exciting; I ran, and lie ran; from
one hall to another, from chamber, on
wc fled—pursuer and pursued—till,
almost exhausted, I stopped a mo
ment ler breath, and was clasped in a
pair of strong arms; the sheet was
removed from my face, and there
stood Charley Sheiburne with his
arm around mo and his lips upon
“Dear Laura!’’ was all I waited
to hear, then fled, and stopped not
till I was in my own room, and with
head pressing my pillow, I was at
liberty to reflect. That moment had
betrayed to me how inipressibly dear
to me w-a3 Charley Shelburne. I had
never stopped to analyze my feel ngs
for him before; and now I was sur
prisingly shocked to sec what a hold
he had upon my heart, I was mad
ly, blindly loving the betrothed of
my friend; I was a traitor to the one
who had so loved and trusted me.—
Llow liko a criminal I felt; with what
shame and agony I dwelt fupon the
past few weeks 1 How I had stolen
into her home, and perhaps ruined
her peace forever ! But, amid tho
shame and agony of that night, my
resolution was taken; I would root
out, cost what it might, every lin
gering trace of preference for him.—
And oil! how like a blank the world
seemed as I looked upon the future!
How dark tho road would bo un
lighted by Ins presence! liow sud
denly black had grown the earth to
mo, just starting out upon life’s pil -
grimage ! how every flower seemed
crushed—the silver lining ot every
cloud turned into blackness.
That night my head changed from
the careless, unthinking i.yad of girl
hood to the calm, and sad head of
jtlie woman. And in those hours, so
leaden-winged—for it seuueil that
morning would never dawn 1 fell
well tho fact, that “sleep ou its
downy pinions flies from woe,” ns 1
lay there resolving to act nobly in
learning how snlimo a tiling it is to
“sutler and bo strong.” All the long
hours of that winter’s night Bleep
stood aloof with finger on her lip;
and I dwelt, oh! how .sadly, upon my
wrecked love. And lio\v dark and
desolate life must ho to me, widionf.
his heart could boat ill unison with
mine; I strove hard to think it was
right, but my rebellious heart would
answer;
“She cannot love him as you do.—
Do not sacrifice yonrscil for one who
can never appreciate the deph and
earnestness of his nature.”
But, then, I thought of how Jennie
had told me she loved Charles Shel
burne; how, when slio was absent
from him, her thoughts seemed ever
turning towards him; and how slio
was so constantly longing fur his
presence; and how highly she hud
prized every proof of his love.
No, no! it would never do; Jennie
loved him, and lie her; for, had siic
not told me so again and again ?
And I would never be guilty of aught
that would dim the radiance of their
happiness. I would scrupulously
avoid him —would treat him coldly;
in this was my only safety. And 1
would leave Glcnwood at the first
moment I could find an excuse lor
doing so, and away from them would
commence the search for Lethe’s fa
bled stream.
Full of this intention I met them
in tho morning, striving to appear as
usual; but my manner to all was con
strained—so much so that anxious
enquiries as to whether I was ill, or
“What is the matter with dear Miss
Laura?”
I aroused myself ami began talk •
ing in my usual gay strain, but care
fully avoiding all conversation with
Charley. Through the day I treated
him with the most icy civiity; and he
was in a perfect nervous excitement,
fearing lie had offended me past for
giveness by his conduct the proceed -
ing evening. But I gave him no
chance for apology —indeed, this was
what I was most scrupulously avoid
ing; and so the dull day wore on un
comfortable to all, eacli feeling that
for some reason the genialty and
hcaity enjoyment of (ho proceeding
days were gone.
Day after day passed—l growing
more and more ceremonious toward
Mr. Shelburne, till, for sometime, wo
had scarcely spoken. If he asked
mo to play I refused; for a game of
chess, I was busy; if lie tried to con
verse, I was stupid and had nothing
to say; and if ho entered the room
where I was alone, I quitted it as
hastily as possible. Everything that
I could do, without being positively
rude, I did to dissuade him Iroin
speaking or looking at me. What
troubled mo most was, that his at
tentions to Jonnic had entirely ceas
ed ; and I reproached myself bitterly
for having destroyed her happiness,
for if Jennie’s account ot him was
true, lie had been the most devoted
of lovers before.
Things could not go on in this way
always; and one morning Charley
said:
“Laura, will you play a game of
chess? I must have my revenge for
that last checkmate. Come, now,
no excuse—you must do it.”
And, spite of all my dibits to es
cape, ho led mo into the library,and
seated me upon the sofa; and wc
commenced the game. I inovod en
tirely at random, and, meantime,
kept up a perfect shower of Small
talk —so that he could not without
disregarding the most eonsumate
tact, find a chance to spoak on an
other subject. I was soon beaten,
ANNUAL SVIiSCIUPTJON, ?2 00
and, laying by the board, lie snii!:
‘‘Lanin, do not go; 1 wish tospi'uk
with you. Why do you avoid me in
this unkind manner? !lave von
really learned to hate mo?”
Spite of all ’ could do, tho tears
rolled down my cheeks—whoa he
took my hand in his, and told me how
very dear I was to him. I snatched
my hand hastily away and, rising
with dignity, said:
“A most honorable gentleman, true
ly! the betrothed of my fiend
making love to me ! " Do you imag
ine 1 could endure such baseness ?
If yon have no sense of honor for
yourself, you will do well to remem
ber the happiness of my Iriend,’’
And I rushed Irom the room, in
spite of all his efforts to detain me.
In a few minutes, Jennie entered
the room, and, putting her arms
around me, said:
“George has sent me here to plead
his case. You will be my sister—
will you not, Laura ?”
“Impossible, Jennie, do not think
of it. I will never many any living
man !”
“What! not Charley Shelburne,
should he ask you ?”
My face crimsoned; she had then
discovered my secret.
“Laura, dear Laura ! will you for
give ?’’ Slio spoke earnestly; “I have
trifled with you. We havo all been
playing parts is tho Comedy of Er
rors; and he whom you think is Char
ley Shelburne is indeed my own broth
er George—tho dearest, best fellow
in tho world; and you will, in spite ol
your declinations, be my sister,won't
you ?”
“Oli, Jennie 1 how could you?
You do not know how wretched you
havo made rue all this time.”
“Forgive me, dearest Laura—l
was very foolish, but I know I know
that you were so obstinate, that you
would never like George if you knew
it was lie. And now, ‘all’s well that
nds well,’ isn’t it ?’’
Jennie and I did not go back to
school;and George has kissed me more
than once since, just as he did tout
night when I walked in white.
Ilaiu’t every man a right to kiss his
own wife ?
Preachers and Actors,
The New York Tiibune makes the
following comparison of the amounts
recivod by prominent ministers and
actors:
•‘Beecher gets §20,000; Edwitk
Booth, SIOO,OOO a year; Dr. Hall, of
Fifth avenue, and Dr. Tix, of Trinity,
get $15,000, E. A. Sourtbcrn earns
over $16,000 as Lord Drundreary,
and Julin E. Owens plays thirty
weeks annually for $60,000. Tal
mage preaches for $12,000 uhd Joo
Jefferson plays forty weeks as Ilip
Van Winkle, and earns $120,000. —
The scholarly and gifted Dr. Storrs
has a SIO,OOO salary, Maggie Mitch
ell earns $30,000 to $50,000. Dr.
Cuylcr works hard and faithfully for
SB,OOO a year, and Dr, Hopworlh lor
$5,000, while Dion Bourcicault has
just finished a season as the Shaugh
raun, etc., at $3,000 a week and his
managers scold him in the public
prints because lie would not play
longer at the same figure. Dr. Pot
ter, ot Grace Church, lias SIO,OOO
and a parsonage; the eloquent Dr.
Tiffany, has $10,000; the once vigor
ous, now venerable. Dr. Chapin gets
SIO,OOO while pretty Miss Neilsou
makes over $150,000 a year, and
Fanny Davenport cams SI,OOO a
week,
Somo men arc born to bad luck.
A Now Hampshire man went through
tlireo years of the war and
even scratched or sick a day, while
his next neighbor got a wound in the
only battle ho was in that entitles
him to a big pension, while the first
poor fellow has to work for a living.
A Halt) Carriage in If s liuit
A baby carriage In the hall.
The handsomest piece of furniture
tlmt any house can boast, always
making an bonorablo exception in
favor of Iho cradle.
That baby carriage mentis a borne.
Without It, only a plan* to stay in.
It means a “dear litilo dimpled
darling’’—that makes sunshine nil
the time—when it ha-n't got the
colic.
It means a lmppv mother, whose
life is filled with all tender Cary, nil
sweet icsponsibilitieSi nil wonderful
hopes for the future.
Il moans a lather who holds his
head tip among men with the grand
est dignity that any man may know.
To mother it is “Baby.”
To father it is “My boy.”
The baby carriage in the hall
means all the wealth of rosy hours
as mother sings lullaby songs—per
haps
“Hush, iny itoar, ho stilt niiiVslnmtxir,
lfoly angels gunjhl thy hod."
When all Ibotime she is the angel
that Oof! appoint’d to*'%vmr<l it, as
none of all high heaven’s host could
do.’
It means a world of plans and pro
jects which all center in that one lit
tle life.
It means a father who studies his
bank balanco with wonderful dili
gence, for “My son must have a good
education and a good start in life,”
you know.
And bo goes home and catches the
laughing toddler up, and reddens tho
dimples with his whiskers, and then
putting sturdy little twelve-months’-
old on bis feet, sots him a, b, c of
walking, addressing him with coni
cal dignity, “Well, governor, where
shall wc go now ?”
And although he only calls him
“governor, ’’ the mother's heart says
—and tho father wouldn’t deny it
were the to put it iu |words —that,
more likely it will be President, in
that dim, beautiful and certainly very
grand future.
Her choice, though, would bo that
ho should be a good man aud a hap -
py one.
Between them both they parcel out
(or his manhood years all that makes
life worth the living.
The baby carriage in the hull
moans a good deal, does it not ?
It means everything to the father
and mother.
It means more than can bo told.
If you have such a piece of furni
ture in use you know all about it.
If you haven’t, it’s waste of raw
material to bother with you.—Wheel
ing Leader.
NO 45
A porilous Descent.
On the steep side of lookout moun
tain there is a ladcr, extending sev
al hundred feet perpendiclarly, by
which a few daring tourists used
to asceud. When Hon. Samuel
Lumpkin was au infant, his parents
spent a day on this mouutain, giving
him in charge of a colored nurse.
During the day the pair was missed,
and in glancing over the precipice tho
nurse was discovered about half-way
down the ladder, with tho baby in
her arms. A single misstep and both
would havo been dashed to pieces
on the rocks below. She looked up,
saw the faces of the parents above,
and began to tremble with fear,
knowing she had dono wrong. With
a reassuring voice Mr. Lumpin spoke
and told her not look down, hold
tight to the cnild and carefully, Af
ter what seemed an age to agonized,
parents, the nurse and baby made the
descend in safety. This wa3 a foal-,
ful ordeal. —Ogltborpo Echo.
WORDS OF WISDOM.
No one is wicked without loss or
punishment.
Most of our misery comes from ouy
(caring and disliking tilings that nev
er happen at all.
Let ns make speed m doing what
good we can, for our opportunities,
may come very speedily to an end.
Character is the diamond that wjll
scratch every other stone.
lie that buys what he does not
want, will soon want what he cannot
buy.
Truo happiness consists not in, the
multitude of triends, but in their
worth and choice.
Blessed is the man who knows
enough to keep Ins mouth shut.—
Some people live sixty years without
learning the art.
“It looks like the sccno of a great
battle,” remarked a great traveler,
viewing the work of a recent cyclone
at the West. “Yes/ said tho native
solemnly, and without removing his
pipe, “the place was tak by storm.’'