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FLEA SAUTRIES.
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scribed'ernet— UteSponBfaHitrrthe utaoout.
S. psrsoa ordsrs his paper dfsoebtisned
made, and collect tf>t whols amount,whether
uie paper le taken from the office or not.
3. The courts have decided that refusing
to take newspapers cri penddiMlsifftm the
poBtoffice. pr removing and leaving them
uncalled for 1 la prims Tsoi# evidence of in-
oatiotael fraud*
A PI UK SIDE BALL Aik
• • l ^ '
, *r bdobmb j. hall.
Uway (town Beet, where mountata HD*
Are through the holler* (lowin’,
Where cettlo browee upon the hills
WJien eunmier winds ere blowln’j
Wliero In the moonlight winter nlgbta
The world put* on eeob epiendor,
" ben young folks gt> to elngln’ eohpol •
An’ git eo kl»iu o’ Render,
Wh^ro ',iii*go goMlpe bear an’ Ull
^ue’r kind of hermxie slender,
"thero lived blue-eyed Mebetabel
And houettyoung Philander.
Mebelehcl wue Jest ei sweet
An’ fair es summer weather)
Bho bed the ou teat leetle feet
That ever trad In leather, i "
An’ then those mild, soft eyes 0* hw» ■
Wyl elder wern’t no eleerer— ’
Thqy mode Phllsndor’e visage born
‘ r be sot near her.
Whenuvi
Pbllar
r he,«
A kind o’ slender feller;
lie lird » »ort 0’ goallu chin,
Tile hair wue long an’ yeller.
Dreal In bis go-to-moetlu’ oloe’,
A atendtu’ oollar sportin’,
~ |rn croaa-lpta Sun
a Spencer’s, courtin’.
There down be sot afore the Are,
A Ihlnkln’ an’ a lookin';
He praised the Doacon’s sheep an’ oows.
Ho pralfod htr mother's oookln 1 .
Ho talked all round the tender pint,
But, somehow, ooyldn’t do It;
His words got kind o’out o’Jlnt
Afore ho could git through It
Twus twelve o’clock one Sunday night,
A blaim’ lire wee roarin’,
Tlio old folks bed gouo off to bed,
The Deacon, he was snorin’.
Around the time-worn room the light
Fell kind o’ soft an’ rosy;
Tho old pine settle It was drawn
Up by the fireplace ooay.
Mehotabel not on one end,
Philander ho sot by her.
An’, with tho old tongs in hi* hand,
Kep pokin’ at the fire.
He tried to tell her how he felt.
It sot him In aflutter;
The sweat it jest tollod down his faoe,
Ltko drop* o’ melted butter.
So thor* they sot an’ talked about
T*ne moonshine an’ the weaUtor.
An’ kep’ a kind o’ lillchin’ up,
Until they hitched together.
The Deacon snored away in bed,
Philander be grow bolder;
He sljd his arm around her head
An’ laid It on hie shoulder.
* v An’, when she lifted up her eyes
An’ looked right into hls’n,
It seeme^ea If Phllander’s heart
Into hie mouth hed risen.
He sot su’ trembled fur a while,
Bhe looked so sweet an’ clever.
Some speerit whispered In hie eatt
“/eet do It now or never I’’
Bet be: “ My dear Mebetabel,
My house an’ home are waitin’;
An’ ain’t It gettin’ to be time
That you an’ I were matin' ?”
An’ then sea aha, jeat loud enough
Fur him to understand her:
“ Ef yon kin be content with me,
I gnesa It la, Philander I”
Tho Deaoon woke up from bis dreams.
Rea ha: “ There’s sumpthln’ brewin'.”
He peaked out through the bodroom door
To see wbgt they were doin’.
He nudged hi* wife an’ told her, too,
An' my I how It did please her.
An’ then they talked ’em selves to Bleep,
An’ snored away like Oeatcr.
F! 1'ander sot there all night long;
Us didn’t think o’goln'
Till, when the day began to dawn,
He heerd the roosters crowln'.
An’, when he started over home
Alone across the holler,
Ha kep’ a talkin' to himself
An’ fumblin’ with his oollar.
Boa he, u Thar’ never wue a chap
That did the bltnass slicker;"
An' tlisn he gin himself a alap,
An’my! how he did anlckaJ.
An’ now blutveyad Mehetabel
la married to Philander,
An’ village gosslpaldly tall
That ne’or waa waddln’ grander.
The peaceful, moonlight winter nlghta
Hav not yet lost ther’ splendor;
The young folks go to slngln' aohool
An’ still get kind o’ tender,
Awtfylown East, whan mountain rills
Are through the hollars flowin’,
Where cattle browse upon the hills
When summer winds are blowln’.
rom Point of tho Farm and Firttid*.
W1N. BENNS1' JAMES 0. RUSS. Editors
‘‘LET TlIhRK till I.ICj IIT>
Subscription. $1.50 in Advi
rases
VOLUME V.
BUTLER. GEORGIA, TUESDAY, SEPTJ MBER,’ 27. ISSl.
THE JILT.
In the pleasant village of Acton, situ
ated near the city, on the Somersetshire
■ide of the Avon, resided, some two
years since and for aught wo know re
sides there ctill, an elderly gentleman
whose household affairs were superin
tended by perfeot paragon of a niece—a
lovely and accomplished young lady,
just emerging from her teens, and
graced with that most appreciated of all
oharms in this uuromantio age, the pos
session of a small fortune. On her ar
riving at the age of 21, she waa entitled
to the sum of £1,000. Need it be said
that, with these attractions, numerous
were tho enamored swains sighing at the
feet of tho fair Colia, who, however,
turned a deaf ear to their solidtationa,
and restricted her affections to a favorite
kitten and h “ love of a spaniel,” till at
length a stalwart knight, sturdy and
bold, entered the lists, and soon dis
tanced all competitors fow tho hand of
our heroine and her £1,000.
Matters progressed favorably, and,
after a time, the fair Celia began to con
sider tho eyes of her knight better worth
looking into and his countenance more
attractive than that of her juvenile grim
alkin, aud even the pet, Flora, was
neglected. N timorous were their walks,
Dowd In the vale where the eweet waters gilding,
(a murmuring etraems ripple through the dark
grpvei )• -J
And sundry Wdre the ejaculations of the
knight—“How beautiful I” though
whether they were anpliod to the scen
ery or his companion must still remain
open question. Somo six months
elapsed, and onr scene now opens in the
loveliest month of the year—woftn,
glowing, tunny June. It waa the eve of
the 1st [of Jul i, and tho knight and the
“fair ladye” were taking their accus
tomed walk. The moonlight lay bright
upon tho river, and the water trembled
beneath it like timid lips beneath the
first kiss.
A nightingale began to ting in the
valley, whioh had derived its name from
the inimitable songster, and another an
swered it from an adjacent grove. It
was a night in whioh one not only loves,
but is beloved, in whioh one not only longs
for blessedness, but will bo blessed. The
knight drew the “ ladye” closer to his
side, and more compressed was the pres
sure on her delicately rounded arm os
he poured his vows of affection and un
alterable love into her willing ear. His
advances were not discouraged, for the
happy pair returned to tho uncle, who
doubtless said, in the language of old
stage comedy gentlemen, “Take her,
yon dog, take her, though you dou't de
serve her.”
Time rolled on; four times had the
seasons changed, but no change had
taken plaoe in the relative positions of
Celia and her knight. They were still
afllanoed, but alas, for the fickleness of
woman I such wm not long to oontinuo
tho case, A Mr. D , who in early
life had exchanged the quiet and roman
tic scenery of his native village for the
busy, bustling scenes of Manchester, re
turned to Aoton for tho purpose of
visiting his parents, and in the oourse of
his sojourn was introduced to our fair
out fickle heroine. Verily, if Cupid shot
the dart, he has mnoh to answer for; but
certain it js that the youug linen-draper
created, unwittingly, an iuterest in the
breast of the lady far deeper than that
she felt for her former lover 1 But, alas 1
the flame was not mutnal.
Whether Mr. D was aware of the
engagement subsisting between Mis*
Colia aud her knight, or whether his
affoctions were of a platonic rather than
ardent caste, is uncertain; but. never
theless, when his leave of absence ex
pired, ho took leave of tho damsel with
nil conceivable coolness and unconcern,
and deserted tho charming Celia for
calicoes and counter-jumping. Poor
girl! the shook to hor susceptible affeo-
tions was insupportable. She pined and
withered, walked about the bouse with
au absent, distractod, melanoholy air,
took to singing doleful ditties, com
mencing with “ Sweet Blighted Inly,”
and, in abort, was fast baooming a prey
to “a lean and yellow melanoholy.”
In vain tha assiduous knight, who lit
tle suspaotod the oause of his fair one's
misery, redoubled his attentions. In
vain he entreated her to put a terminar
tion to his doubts aud fears, and crown
his happiness by beooming Mrs. K >
No ; the imago of her knight was sup
planted in her faithful heart by her dear,
her darling Mr. D ; and finally, when
■he beoarae of age, she quietly sent a
letter to the young gentleman at Man
chester, avowing her predilection for
him, and offering herself for his accept
ance, “for better, for worse,” as the case
might be. As soon as the Manchester
man received the letter ho at once out
the calioo trade, and came as fast as the
wings of love and an express train could
bring him to throw himself at the lady's
feet Fortune was favorable.
The nnole and guardian of the lady
were temporarily absent; and (we blush
to say it) the faithless Celia and hor lin
en-draper 'over wore united in the indis
soluble bonds of holy matrimony. Swift
ly passed the hours, and they awaked
from their “ dream of young love.” Tho
Manchester man explained to his sorrow
ing lady that circumstances compelled
him to return to that oity, and that it
wonld be highly inoonvenient for him to
take her with him just then. Wiping
away her tears with hia snowy cambric
handkerohief (a choice sample of a re
cent consignment), he besought her for
a short time to keep their marriage se
cret ; and, assuring her of fidelity to
their pledged vows, said he should
shortly return and claim her as his
bride. They parted. Mr. D re
turned to his business; the deceived
knight was still constant in his visits,
and thus ends the second chapter o! this
eventful history.
Two days oifiy had passed since the
departure of Mr. D , but in that brief
interval the train had been laid to the
mine which was to explode beneath the
feet of the unsuspecting Celia. The un
cle was informed of his niece’s seoret
marriage, and while Bhe waa walking in
the valley we have before spoken of,
musing on her absent husband, and
meditating what she should say to her
present lover (for her . knight accompa
nied her in her walk), lie was preparing
to hurl anathemas on her head on her
return. The iuu had sunk below the
horizon, and the silvery beams of the
moon were shining on the tope of the
tall treee, when the pair bent their steps
homeward.
The hour, the scene, all concurred in
reminding the knight of the day when
his lady love first, blushing, owned she
loved him, and again he passionately
entreated her to name “the day, the
eventful day,” which should turn' gloom
into gladness, and mako his heart leap
with hilarious joy. Instead of informing
him of what had taken place, she owned
his passion was returned, and he nccom •
panted hor to her residence, elate with
hope at the imagined prospect of his de
sires being gratified by tho bestowal of
hor hand and fortuno. Judgo of his as
tonishment, however, when, on arriving
at the door, an outburst o! fury or the
part of the uncle too soon revealed to
him the terrible truth.
The revulsion of feeling waa too great;
he was distracted; ho tore his hair; and,
with a wild gaze on the transfixed Celia,
he rushed from the house.. Bleep was
out of the question; and, like Adam, he
still lingered around his lost paradise.
Meantime our heroine had to endure the
reproaches of her inoensed guardian,
who even proceeded to personal violence;
<tnd in the dead of night she packed up
her worldly goods, not forgetting the
£1,000, determined on the first blush of
morn to be “offand away.”
She carried lie:' determination into ei-
fect, and at “ early dawn” left tho house
and proceeded ou her road to Bristol.
She had not takon many steps, when, to
her surprise, she mot the disconsolate
knight who had so hurriedly “ cut his
■tiok” the previous oveuiug, looking a
perfect picture of woe-begone wretched
ness. Who shall fathom tho heart of
woman I—hor partiality for him revived,
sho longed to console the wretched wan
derer, and to his frantio entreaty she re
plied. iu accents sweet, “My own dear
knight, I am afraid I have been t Little
fool. Can you forgivo your poor, un-
happy, wretched Celia?” Her overbur
dened heart could say no more; she
swooned, and was caught in the arms of
her faithful knight, who, with many a
fond, endearing expression aud sundry
pressings to his bosom, recalled her to
life.
“What shall wo do?” murmured the
unhappy girl. “Cut end run,” sug
gested her lover, though not, perhaps,
in these vory forciblo words. Some
thing, indoed, he said about flying with
him in a state of felicity, declaring sho
could not think of doing such a thing,
and, finally,
Wklsperlng, “ I’ll never oonseat”—ooaaenUd.
They fled, carrying with them the
£1,000 sterling, aud the disconsolate
husband does not know where to find
eithor the fugitive lovers or the winged
riches. Moreover, the clandestinely
contracted alliance boiug displeasing to
the lady’s friends, they will not assist
her liege lord and master in discovering
her whereabouts.
TUB IB AN WHO WAB MIXED,
“Really, but I hope yon will excuse
the intrusion,” said the sbabby-looking
man, as the insurance agent looked up.
“ You ore excusable, sir. What did
you wish ?”
“Well—-you—see—I'm a bit mixed.
Waa it tfapoleon or Washington who
crossed tho AlpB?”
“ Napoleon, of course.”
“Just so—thanks. I was inclined
that way mysolf, but yet I knew that
Gen. Washington was always scooting
around, and he might have taken it into
his head to cross the Alps. Good-day,
sir.”
Ho passed down the hall thirty feet,
and then returned and protested:
“ Say, don’t think ill of me, but I am
still mixed up—dreadfully mixed. Will
you answer mo ono more question ?”
“Yes.”
“ Was it Nero who commanded the
sun to stand still ?”
“No; it waa Joshua.”
“I had an idea that it was Joshua,
but I didn't dare put up monoy on it.
Nero was always fiddling around, you
know, and I hod a dim idea that be
might have taken a wliaok at the sun.
Very much obliged to you, sir.”
This time he went half-way down
stairs and returned on tip-toe. The
agent looked up and saw him in the
door, and sharply queried :
“Well?”
“ Mixed again I” pleaded the stranger.
“ Say, I want to ask you just one more
question.”
“Yes.”
“ Did yon ever lend a man a dollar to
help him on his way to Columbus to see
his dying wile ?”
“ Nevor I You are thinking of old
Diogenes. Ho used to shell out to every
dead-beat who came along.”
“ Mixed again, by thunder 1” mut
tered tho man ; and as he passed down
stairs he took great pains to sot his feet
down on each stop like a man who had
bet on three of a kind and found a flush
taking his money.—Detroit Free Free*.
Hebe is the account of the shortest
courtship on record : “ Rachel, tho
Lord both sent me to marry thee,” said
tho suitor. “ The Lord's will be done,”
wo the mbmaMivfl ifipiji
ONLY A JOHN.
A tailor not far from Petticoat lane
got htftAAAWfe*He huafcc1
up his goospjflb the blistering .point aud
place)! it on a bend! at his door with the
sign reading, “Ginly a sixpence." In a.
few toiinutes along came an - ancient*’ -every word of it. I told yon a while ago
looking Israelite, with an eye out for
bargains, and, as he saw the gooeo and
read the sign, he made up bis mind that
bo had struck it rich. He naturally
rcachod out to heft his bargain, and
that was where he gave himself away.
Tho tailor almost fell down with his
merriment, but it did not lost over sixty
seconds. At the end of that timo tho
victim entered the shop and began a
sort of gymnastio performance which
did not end until the tailor was a sadly-
mashed man and his shop in the greatest
coufusion. The two wore fighting in
front when an offioer came along and
nabbed both, and both were brought
boforo hia Honor together. The tailor
appeared with a black eye and a finger
tied np in a red rag, and the Israelite had
a scratched nose and was minus two
front.teeth.
“ Well ?” queried the oourt, as the
pair stood gAiing at him.
Vhell, I shall shpeak first,” replied
the tailor. “I like to have a shoke
sometimes, und so I put dot goose ondt
dere. Id vhas all in fans, nnd I am
worry sorry.”
I couldn’t see what the fun cum in,”
said the other. “ Dis yore han’ am all
burned to a blister, an' I won’t be.able
to use it for two weeks.”
“Did you put that hot goose out
there for a joke ?” queried the court.
“Yaw—it vas ouly a shoke.”
“ And wero you joking when you en
tered the shop and made things hum ?”
ho asked of the other.
“ No, boss, I wasn’t I am an old
man and not much gibon to tailin' an'
cuttin’ up. When I let go of dnt goose
I made up my mind to mash dat tailor
flatter don a billyard boll. It waa my
first fout for ober forty y’rs, but I
got de bulge on him nn* was usin’ him
up when do officer stepped in. No,
boss, I wasn't jokin' 'bout dnt timo.”
“ Wore you very tickled ?” he queried
of the tailor.
“ Vhell, I was tiokled until ho pitch
‘into me.
“You were the only one who had any
fun out of it?”
“Vhell, I s'pose so.”
“ Then you’ll have to foot tho bill. I
shall let him go aud flue you 40 shil
lings.”
“ Do ish pooty high.”
“ Yes; but it was a rich joke, you
know.”
“ Maybe she vhas, but I guess I let
dot goose cool off now. Hore is 40
shillings, und now I shall go home. 1
bid you goot day.”—London jmper.
WHITE PLAINLY.
Tho rejection of the manuscript of nn
unfamiliar author is perhaps ofteucr ou
sccount of illegible handwriting than of
lack of merit. There iB no greater tor
ture for an oditor than to have to de
cipher a bad manuscript aud tho souse,
especially of a poem, is frequently en
tirely lost in the tangled moss of
wretched penmanship. Sir Francis
Jeffrey know so well tho difficulty of
forming a correct judgment of an article
by u reading in manuscript, that, whon
ho sent in his first article after ho hnd
retired from the Edinburgh Review, I10
had an understanding with Napier, hia
successor, that it should not bo read till
it appeared in the proof. A few years
ago the editor of tho Saturday Review
was accustomed to have ovory artiola
which appeared os if it might be worthy
acceptance put into typo before deciding
upon it, for, as Charles Lamb says, there
Is no such raw and unsatisfactory read
ing as an artiole in manusoript. The
same practice is followed by tbo oditor
•f Harper'r Magazine, it is said. Evou
authors of wiilo experience, like Thomas
Moore and Macauley, Were seldom able
to form a judgment of their own works
antil they had seen how they looked is
print.—Bouton Herald.
that I thought $60 was a big reward for
/inking a dog. It oost $26,000 to look
fun Ben Butler’s dog, and yet Tiger bas
never been found. The case waa
th$» .way: Somo five or six years
ngf Butfor hod a vory fine Siberian
bloodhound that he prized vory highly,
and which bad been given to him by a
Boston friend. Ono day the dog was
missing, and Mr. Butler was very angry.
Ho advertised extensively for Tiger, but
for many days ho could hear nothing
from his favorite. At length the dog
was brought homo by a young man, and
Mr. Butler williugly paid him $5 as a
reward. Soon afterward Tiger was again
missing, and the same agony was suf
fered by Mr. Butler. Again the same
young man returned the dog, and Mr.
NUMBER 52..
__ BBS BriLKH’B DOG. I
f There-is more romance a1>out
bittiness than. yon., think. I could tell
Jo'a htory' about Ben Batin'* ' dag
Tijfor that would opon your eyes. Per
haps yon won’t believe it, but it’s so,
BOW TO CATCH A POLAR
BEAR.
“ I do so pity those men on the Bodg-
prs,” remarked Mrs. Max, passing the
Major the honey, whioh he always in
sisted upon having with his rice cakes
“Yes, indeed,” replied the Major,
who waa a trifle cynical that morning,
having burned his mouth with coffee.
“ Yes, indeed, my dear, the life of an
Arctic explorer must bo herd. They arc
so isolated from the world. Just imag
ine, if you cau, the horror of bring for
three years out of the dust and wind
and fog and rain of our glorious oik-
nate ; of not meeting all that timo the
man at your club who thinks the oftener
a story is told tho better it is ; of being
without the consolation afforded you by
the busted stock operator, who knows
you are glud of an opportunity to lend
him $20; of being where millinery nnd
Japanese decoration stores do not daily
intrap one's wife; of being—”
“ Why, Major, how you do talk! I
was only thinking of the horrid things
Butler again shelled out a V. But this j tho Rodger8 ’ crow w m have to do to get
time ho tied up the dog, aud ordered the their bear steaks.”
man to keep an extra watch upon his i << How’s that?” asked the Major, in
kennel. In three weeks that dog was §tantly interested over tho subject of
again missing, and no search that could Bteft u B| which ho holds of much greater
be mode turned him up. Mr. Butler j i mporta nco than tho Irish land troubles,
had the youug man who had twice found i ««whnt I kuow about it,” resumed
him bunted up by the police, and ac- ! jj rHi Max, .«j rLia j hi a fashion paper,
cused him of having stolen Tiger. The ; ani | oug ht to be true.” .
charge couldn’t be proven, however, | “ It certainly ought to be, Mrs. Max,
aud then detectives wero put to work on on i y ^ acC ouut of its old ago.”
tho case. They soon reported tl>at the “Well, the artiole said,” coutinued
dog had left tho city. Mr. Butler, vis- j Mrs. Max, pretending to ignore tho
iting tho Treasury Department, had a Major’s slur on her favorito reading,
talk with Mr. Whitney, who put several j ««that Arctic explorers, whon they want
members of the Becret service on the ^ fciji a polar bear, plant a big knife in
truck of that dog. First they got a clew the ice with the blado sticking up. They
of Tigoraway up in Now York State. 1 daub the blade with blood, and tlie bear
Then they heard from him in Portland, comes along and licks it and cuts his
Me., and again in Indianapolis, Ind. tongue. It is so cold that he doesn’t
They visited many cities, and the people feel the cut, but, tasting his own blood,
thought they were looking for counter- ho oontiuues to lick tho knife until his
loiters and bogus plates. They wero iu tongue is all frayed, and he bleeds to
reality uftcr Butler’s dog. But after a i death. Isn’t it dreadful?”
searoh of nearly a year they gave up tho j •• Quiet your foam, my dear,” said the
chase, and Tiger has never to this day 1 Major, when hia wife had finished,
been heard from.”—Famous Dog Catch- “That is the way they killed tho bear
er, in Washington Republican.
TRKADINQ WATF-B.
Tho Indians on tho Missouri riv
when thoy havt occasion to travo
that impetuous stream, iuvoriably tread time. The way the thing
water just as the dog treads it The
Americana Lavs earned a reputation
for the number if not for the caliber of
tbeir inventions. Perhaps thoir success
is as much due to the prevailing disposi
tion to believe in an alleged discovery
and to give it a trial. In England an
inventor wbo proclaims his invention is
looked upon like a clacking hen who has
laid her egg. Doubtless there aro occa
sions when he is over noisy and un
conscionable. Inventors have had
more grievances and have apprised the
world of them more than any other class
of men. Hero they are regarded
bores; in America they areeutortaining,
and everybody listens to them. That is
partly why America otters a better field
for the propagation of discovery. But
Mr. Chamberlain trod justly, an
believe, on one of our favorite forms of
national solf-dopreciation whon he de
nied that the Amorioaus surpassed bs in
in the more solid and striking of the in
ventions which the world’s registry of-
fioa records.— Loivdon Times.
when the story was first published, but
in the last twenty years an iinproveineut
has been made whioh I will tell you
about, if you will kindly give mo jutt a
drop more coffeo, with cold milk this
done is as
follows: Whon Cspt. Berry, of tho
Pubohabersof “rare old china” are
often stack-cap people.
BiiAOKSMrrns aro rarely good penmen,
and yet they aro always forging.—Rot*
ton Courier.
The male idiot now arranges his hai*
in the water waves plastered down on
his forehead. —Harrisburg Telegraph.
“ Mamma, wliat are twins mado for ?”
asked a little girl the other day. Her
preeociona elder brother replied: ' “So
that cannibals may cat pliiloponos.”
When Rabelais was on his death-bed,
• consultation of physicians was called.
“ Dear gentlemen,” said the wit to the
doctors, raising his languid head, “let
me die a natural death.”
“ Wht,- sir,” said a client to liis law
yer, “you are writing my bill on very
rough paper.” “Never mind.” waa tho
lawyer's reply, “ it will have to bo filed
before it comes into court”
“Mamma,” said a 8-year old, the other
day, “ I wish you wouldn’t leave n»e to
take care o! baby again. He wws so bad
I bad to cat all the sponge cake and two
jars of raspberry jam to amuse him.”
Raid a parent, to his little son, who
bad committed some act of indiscretion:
“ Do yon know that I am going to whip
you?” “Yes,” said the boy, “I sup
pose you aro, because you aro bigger
than I am l”
Ladies wbo wear baugs may profit by
a perusal of this:
Oh tb« b*n* I Tho terrlhl* b*n«l
How over th® fnrehend thoy dantfo ®n«l h*n&;
Or, plMterad with put®, with uioImm* *n<1 ureara.
How the curlycue* ®t:c* like adoor-mal'iiincrraraj
Tf Qod made the foteluad a temple of thought.
The devil m»de ban,* to eet It at tian^bt
The following letter was received by
an undeitakcr from an afflicted widower:
“8ur-my waif is ded and wonts to be
berried to-morrow at Wonor klock. U
nose wairo to dig tho hole—by the siad
of two other waifs—let it bo deep.”
“This isn’t a menagerie,” sharply ob
served nn irascible deacon to a man who
was trying to forco a passage through
* crowd at a church doorway. “No, I
presume not,” re turn od tho stranger, “or
they wouldn't leave any of tho animals
to block up tlie entrance.”
1 AN exchange says: “Of thetiOO young
i ladies attending tho Elmira Female Col
lege no two can agree as to wlutt thoy
would do in case thoy suw a bear. Now,
this is a libel on the young ladies, for,
wero hq.well dressed aud respectable, at
least three-fourths of them would wait
with curious impatience to see if he pro
posed to hug them.”
VfJLLiJM Petuub, of Arkansas, sat
himself do\vu on tho steps of a country
church aud said there should bo no
preaching there that Huuday. After
William hnd received a bullet in tho log
he vacated, and tho services were begun.
The text was : “ Why do tho heathen
rage ?”
natives of Joanna, nnislaud on the coast Rodgers, wants a polar boar for dinner,
of Madagascar, youug persons of both he gives a Midshipman a oopper bod-
sexes, walk the water, currying fruit aud spring and a chunk of salt pork. The
igetuhles to ships becalmed, or it may Midshipman compresses tho spring per-
he lying-to, in tho offing miles away. ' fectly flat, wraps tbo pork around it
Somo Croomen whose canoe upse t be : tight, and holds it so until it freezes
fore my eyes in tho seaway on the coast 1 solid. Then the ' frozen pork, stuffed
of Africa walked tho water, to tho safo- j with the bed-spring, is thrown out to
keeping of thoir lives, with the utmost ' the nearest iceberg, where it is prompt-
facility; and I witnessed negro ohildron ly swallowed by a polar l>ear. When
other occasions doing so at a very the heat of the bear's stomach thaws out
tender ago. At Madras, watching their the pork, it releases the spring, whioh
opportunity, messengers, with letters so- I flies out, and tlie bear dies from a pain
cured iu an oilskin cup, plunged into in bis side.”
the boiling surf, and made thoir way j “ Major,” said Mrs. Max, with much
treading tho water to the vessels out- warmth, “I don’t bolievo that story is
side, through a sea in which an ordinary true.”
European boat will not live. At the “No, my dear, and you won’t until,
Gape of Good Hope men used to pro- . in a few years, you see it in some fash-
ceed to the vessels iu the oifing through ion paper, and thou *you will swear by
the mountain billows, trending the water ! it”—San Francisco Chroniolo.
as thoy went with the utmost security ; j
and yet here on our own shores, and ' tall LTISO.
amid smooth waters, won, women and Four Kentucky printers met one day
children perish liko flics annually, when ! over a free lunch, nnd one began boast-
Jittlo properly-directed effort—treading ! ing about having gained a prizo
That bar to ri
41 ywu *n>«H\ V
Uao only bar
TU but a "top
Unto tli6 prii
n bar),
the wator as I have said—would haply
suffice to rescue them every ono.—
Mature.
UK HAD HIB CRBDBNTIA LB.
It happened in San Antonio, and only
a short time ago. A seedy-looking
“cuss,” with a hungry look about him,
walked into tho office of tho Sunset
route and asked to see Col. Andrews,
tho Vico President of tho road, on im
portant business of a private character.
at i
typo-setting competition. He modestly
put tho figure at 2,000 emu por hour.
“ Wal, that's a mighty i>oor show, I
reckon,” said No. 2, contemptuously.
“I could stick tyj>o together quicker
than that with my oyes shut—about
6,000 ems is what I can do.” No. 3 ;
“ Five thousand ems an hour I Wal, I
guess, where I last sluug typo there was
a man who gobbled up copy so fast that
he kept a small boy going Ml day
MR PEOPLE WHO DRIFT.
There are in ovory large city a class of
drifting people, to whom a definite and
permanent abiding pluco would bo in
the nature of a prison; peoplo who
would bo embarrassed by being tabu
lated with that announcement of
respectability, an ongravod door-plato,
or by being embalmed iu tho oily di
rectory.
Thoy are tho rolling stones of society
who gather up considerable social moss
in tbeir cotirso ami live tbo life of versa
tility, of color, of light, aud if it is not
the life of phenomenal depth it may, vx
any rate, servo to balance tho classical
recluses who live secure but stationary,
and inflict philosophical critiques on tho
puhlio.
It is mostly tbo fcmiuiuo portion of
the good Bohemians who thus slip in
and out of successive “environments.”
A raau will vegetate for ever in the sauio
suit of apartments, if he has onoo been
pleaded with them, purely from inertia,
which is why the landlady of tho period
quito prefers the superior race—“Singlo
gentlemen preferred,” always. Now,
after a woman has gone ou doing t ho
I want a free pass to get out into atl ppij e8a You’ve seen a buggy wheel
the country to pick cotton,” said tho di
lapidated man after the door was looked
ou the inside.
“You aro a newspaper man, I sup
pose,” responded Col. Andrews.
“No, I ain’t, but I might os woll be.
I need fresh clothes, can’t make a living
in tlie blasted town, aud haven’t had a
square meal in n month.”
“Well, if you ain’t careful you will
be a journalist, sure enough," remarked
Col. Andrews, as ho opened a drawer
aud took out a blank pasa to fill up.—
Galveston Ncwe.
A wbetoh standing at the foot of the
gallery stairs in an English theater,
filled with 4,000 peoplo, cried out: j
“Let’s turn out the gas." No sooner
said than demo. The ruffian also throw
a wooden bar across the stairs so that
the people, when the gas went out. were
seized with a vauio, tumbled over it, in
juring nearly twenty, one of whom died,
and soveral had to be taken to tho hos
pital. What kind of an interior suoh a
being possesses could not be decided ex
actly, were he even dissected alive.
ning back'ards and for’ards for fresh Bam o thing long euotigh sho begins to
look about lior to do Hometiling else.
Cltaiigo in tbo vory breath of her cxM-
enco. Routine is to her intolerable. It
is not that sho iu tho least expects to
improve matters, but she prefers va
ried to monotonous inisory. Ami lit
tle infelicities in timo aggregate them
selves to thovergoof tho unendurable.
Nor is there much science in a Bottle
ment of those itinerant peoplo. They
do not take root anywhere, nnd are
ready to slip out nnd urr.utgo tL"-
booka ami bric-a-bruo iu somo ottoi
ppartiucut any day. Tho drifting
throngs of peoplo who thus migrate
about tho city aro k t urioua study .a
modem ifo.
spin round iHth a fust-trotting cob
front of it, when tho spokes looked like
streaks of cold lightning? Wal, when
that man was setting typo, ho moved so
fast that you could never toll what ho
was like. Ho was a cloud of inist. Iu
one day that man sot up—” No. 4, who
hod not hitherto spoken, here struck in :
“ You really don’t know what that man
was like?" “ No; we worked alongside
each other five months, and daring that
time I never once got a good look at his
face, and then I had to send in my
checks, for the wind caused by his rapid
movomonts gavo mo such dreadful rheu
matics that I was never well for two
days together.” “You’re quite sure
you would not know that man again?”
oontinued No. 4, calmly fixing his eye
upon the narrator. “ No, I’ve just told
you.” “Wal, I kuow what you’ve been
telling us is a fact, for I’m that man 1”
“Wha»," asked the teacher, “waa
the greatest obstacle Washington en-
eountored in crossing the Delaware?’’
And the smart bad boy thought tor a
minute, aud then made answer, “Tho
tell-man.”
A little 4-year-old girl wanted to go
to Sunday-school, so her mother taught
her the verse of scripture, “ The Lord
is uiy shepherd, I shall not want,” and
lot her go. This is tho way sho reismted
her text: “ The I.ord is my shepherd,
but I don’t want nothing."
Why is the house of a tidy wife liko a
motion to adjourn? You give it up?
itocauM it i# fthriyf iB vrta,
Is Philadelphia two ladies mot on the
stroot, and one said to tho other: “Why,
you look very happy tin's morning;
what's happened ? ” “ Oh, I’ve just
been up having my fortune told," was
tho reply, “ and the woman says I’m to
marry twice more, liuvo diamonds ar s
caiuel's-hair shawl, and that I eon go to
tho opera six niglita in u week if I want
to.” “ Dear me 1 I don’t wonder tli-t
you’re happy. But you won’t say au w
thing to your husband?” “Oh, f
oourse not. Poor man, lie’s good to me,
and it might hurt his feelings to know
that I am going to marry twice im>re.
I think I’ll tell him tliut I’m likely to
die first,"