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DEVILTRIES.
—A very narrow aperture—The crack
of a whip.
—A “ drawn” bet—Queen Elizabeth’s
portrait.
—Very unsatisfactory sort of bread—
The roll of fame.
—“God Bless Our Home” is the
lgend over the gate of a Western jail
jrard.
—“ When taken to be well shaken,” as
the man said when he advertised his
runaway apprentice.
—A Chicago man wants to commit
suicide by telegraph, but doesn’t know
how to accomplish it.
—A war in the “ interest of religion”
usually ends in an overwhelming harvest
for the infernal regions.
—An Irish lover remarks, “ It’s a very
great pleasure to be alone, especially
when your sweetheart is wid ye.”
—lf your furs ever get worn down
short, whip them with forty rods, for
forty rods are said to make a fur long.
—A young lady says that “ifa cart
wheel has nine fellows attached to it, it’s
a pity that a girl like her can’t have
one I”
—A man in Wisconsin saved a young
lady from walkingofTa bridge, and so far
from being grateful for it, she married
him.
—Why isavaiu young woman like a
confirmed drunkard? Because neither
of them is satisfied with a moderate use
of the glass.
—The Globe-Democrat, of St. Louis,
claims that red glass window panes are
far superior to blue, because they match
ao many noses.
—“ Liberal discount to the trade,” as
the bruiser said when he chewed off only
one ear of a brother professional with
whom he was fighting.
—A woman in Oshkosh ground nearly
half of a shirt through a clothes wringer
before discovering that her baby was in
the skirt. It was an awful strain on the
wringer.
—An lowa paper speaks of a man hav-'
ing been lynched “ for burning the burn
and contents of his son-in-law.” Any
man who will burn the contents of his
son-in-laV ought to be lynched.
—“ I say Paddy, that is the worst
looking horse you drive I ever saw.
Why don’t you fatten him up?” “Fat
him up, is it? Faix. the poor baste can
hardly carry the little mate that’s on him
now,” replied Paddy.
—Norwich Bulletin: The Rev. Joseph
Cook rather unnecessarily asks, “ What
becomes of the wicked?” Mr. Cook, we
thought, had been in New England long
enough to know that usually they prac
tice law for a while and eventually go to
the Legislature.
—A friar, when preaching in a nun
nery, observed to his female auditors,
“be not too proud, that our blessed
Lord paid your sex the distinguished
honor of appearing first to a female after
resurrection ; for it was done that the
tidings might spread the sooner.”
—All about the eye.—What part of
the eye is like a rainbow?—The iris.
What part is like a schoolboy?—The
pupil. What part is like the globe?—
The ball. What part is like the top of a
chest?—The lid. What part is like the
piceofa whip?—The lash. What part
is the summit of a hill ?—The brow.
—“ Isn’t he a darling little spring
blossom?” asked Mrs. Kobobulus, dan
dling the crowing baby toward her hus
band. “ Yes,” grunted Mr. Kobobulus,
standing before the glass, deep in the
mystery of fastening a collar with three
buttonholes on one button, “yes, he is a
regular little crow cus.” And it made
Mrs. Kobobulus so mad that she threw
the baby at him.
A Major in the United States army
was crossing from England in one of
the Cunard steamers, when one after
noon a baud on deck played “ Yankee
Doodle.” A gruff Englishman who stood
by, inquired whether that was the tune
the old cow died of. “ Not at all,” re
torted the Major; “ that is the tune the
old Bull died of.”
—The Schoolday Magazine lias the
following collection of definitions given
by small persons and faithfully reported
by doting parents. Back-biter—A flea.
Fan—A thing to brush the warm off
with. Fins— A fish’s wings. Ice—
Water that stayed out in the cold and
went to sleep. Nest egg—The egg the
old hen measures by to make new ones.
Fig —A hog's little boy. Snoring—Let
ting off sleep. Snow —Rain all popped
out white. Stars —The moon’s eggs.
Trunk (of an elephant)—llls front tail.
Wakefulness—Eyes all the time coming
unbuttoned.
—A modest young lady was recently
visiting with a friend at the house of peo
ple with whom she had no previous ac
quaintance, and remained to dinner.
Shortly after the company was seated at
the table, the young lady was observed to
turn red in the face and push her chair
slightly back from the table. The latter
operation was repeated several times,
and the lady became more and more em
barrassed until she was relieved by the
company rising from the table. The
matter was explained when a 3-vear-old
hopeful of the hostess whispered in her
ear. “ Mamma, just didn’t I pinch that
girl’s red stockings?”
BY T. L. GANTT.
[written for the echo.]
THE CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION.
The Organic Law.
NO. XI.
HOMESTEAD AND EXEMPTION OF PER
SONALTY —CONTINUED.
It was said at the conclusion of the No. 10,
that the present homestead and exemption of
personalty was a mockery—a snare, and prac
tically worthless to the people of Georgia.
Why should this be said ? Because any con
stitutional provision or law which is not fair,
which is not equal to all the people in its
benefits and privileges, which is not of equal
duration, which is not equally available to
all the citizens, is not a constitutional enact
ment or law that is just to the inhabitants of
a State. Let us see what that homestead is,
and then watch its workings:
It provides that “ Each head of a family, or
guardian or trustee of a family of minor chil
dren shall be entitled to a homestead of realty
to the value of two thousand dollars in specie,
ami personal propet ty to the value of one thou
sand dollars in specie, both to be valued at the
time they are set apart.
“ And no court or ministerial officer in this
Slate shall evtr have jurisdictim or authority
to enforce any judgment decree or execution
against said property so set apart, including
such improvements as may he made thereon
from time to time, except for taxes, money bor
rowed and expended in the improvement of the
homestead, or* for Ike purchase money of the
same, and for labor done thereon, or material
furnished therefor, or removal of encumbran
ces thereon.
“ And it shall be the duty of the General Js
scmbly, as early as practicable, to provide, by
law, for the setting apart and valuation of said
property, and to enact laws for the full and
complete, protection and security of the same to
the sole use and benefit of said families as
aforesaid .”
The Mahommedans have for centuiies la
bored under the delusion ihat Mahomet’s cof
fin is suspended between heaven and earth.
The grand advance of almost universal civili
zation has not been able to dispel this foolish
infatuation from the tens of thousands of
Moslemites that walk the earth. Yet here in
Georgia, a delusion no less absurd has misled
many thousands of our people into the belief
that our present homestead clauses are tiie
great Pillars of Hercules, that make this con
stitution a very giant, and a giant made of no
other ingredient but concentrated amiability
to men, women and children. It is the three
thousand dollars in specie that is the Will o’
the Wisp that has been leading our people
into the boggy swamps of confusion, folly and
persistent litigation. What are the real fruits
of this present homestead clause? As to the
amount ot a homestead and exemption of per
sonalty, it may he said with a confidence
that should animate every voter to vote for a
convention, that the convention, knowing the
wishes of the people, would be certain to pro
vide an amount sufficiently large, that would
give satisfaction to the people of the State.
The leading men of the State, and the real,
true friends of a convention, and of the people,
know well, that homestead laics are indis
pensable features in the charts, and organic
laws of all civilized and humane governments of
the earth. A delegate to a convention would
not dare to resist this sacred impulse of the
human heart, and the people may, with full
assurance, rest easy that anew constitution
would provide an ample homestead and perso
nalty exemption feature. For any one person
to say what should be the precise amount would
simply be nonsense; for this, of course, is to be
a matter submitted to the assembled wisdom
of the convention when sittingin solemn judg
ment upon the organic law.
One of the first fruits, and a very pernicious
one of the present homestead, is its wretched
exclusion of certain classes of people from its
benefits: Bachelors, umarried women, child
less widows and widowers, who, though hav
ing children, have no minor children. Now,
let every voter answer conscientiously this
question, whether you are a creditor or a debt
or, whether you are rich or poor, let your busi
ness pursuit be what it may, have you not seen
the most squalid suffering from this very ex
clusion of these classes from the benefits of the
homestead laws ? and forsooth, have you not
frankly admitted in your own conscience, when
summoned to trial before your heart, that this
exclusion was wrong, was unequal and unjust f
This great wrong, this inhuman exclusion can
only be remedied by revising the present or
making anew constitution ; and the only effi
cient agent to apply the remedy is a conven
tion. But the objection is made that these
single or solitary people who are thus exclu
ded have nobody to take care of but them
selves, and therefore they ought not to have
these homestead benefits. Now, you will ad
mit that they are human beings ; that they
must be fed and clad; that they must have a
pillow and a couch upon which to rest limbs
that grow as weary as do yours ; that they
must have a roof somewhere to shelter them
from the beating rains and the angry storms
of earth and heaven—all these you frankly
admit. Very well. The platform upon which
even- citizen can stand in according to these
excluded classes, the benefits of homestead
laws, is this : that there could be incorporated
into the organic laic a homestead and exemp
tion of personalty for these classes of unmar
ried people and childless widows and widow
ers, and widows and widowers who have chil
dren but no minor children, as well
as to those who have families con
sisting of husband and wife, or husband and
wife and children.. This remedy then would
give to every one the protecting shield of hu
mane homestead laws.
This merciless feature of the present home
stead in the present constitution, in excluding
so many classes of people from its benefits,
has filled many public poor-houses with squa
lid occupants; has increased the inmates of
lunatic asylums ; has driven many to a sui
cide’s grave, and has enforced many more, in
sheer despair, to become fugitives and vaga
bonds upon the earth, with no other destiny
but degradation and soeial death. This is no
picture drawn by a heated imagination, that
vanishes as though made of thin air. But
these are sad truths, and every observing, ev
ery reading and every candid citizen will con
cede that they are truths, because of the liv
ing evidences before and around them as they
have seen to follow since the present constitu
tion was adopted in IsoS. If the records of
any fraud ever deserved it, the present consii
tat ion deserves to be burned with fire from
LEXINGTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY MORNING, MAY 11, 1877.
heaven, on account of this inhuman and mer
ciless exclusion of so many classes of people
from the benefits of homestead laws. The
noblest and sublimest dictates of political
economy, statesmanship and Christianity de
mand anew constitution to remedy this very
feature of the homestead, even if there was
nothing else in the present constitution that
needed revision. The constitution of many
States give to these classes the benefits of
homestead and personal exemptions, and why
should not the people of Georgia be entitled
by their organic law to the same privileges ?
Yet the Supreme Court of Georgia has repeat
edly decided that, under the present constitu
tion, these classes of people are not allowed to
have these benefits. Every citizen owes alle
giance to his State ; the State then shouid see
to it that the benefits of its constitutional pro
visions should equally guard and protect all
of its people.
Again—the present homestead is a snare
because it is not permanent. In the 47th
vol. of Georgia Reports, page 629, in the case
of Heard vs. Downer et al., the Supreme Court
decided that the homestead and personalty
exemption of the present constitution is mere
ly temporary; that it ceases to exist at the
death of the father and mother, and on the
arrival at twenty-one years of age of the chil
dren. It is therefore of the most uncertain
duration ; and even those who under the pres
ent constitution are permitted to participate
in the benefits of a homestead are liable, upon
the happening of these contingencies, to be
deprived of whatever substantial good appa
rently belonging to them, and many home
steads that have been taken in Georgia under
the present constitution have been swept away
forever by this decision of the Supreme Court,
notwithstanding the fact that only nine years
have passed since the constitution was adop
ted. An unsubstantial homestead is therefore
a mockery and a cheat.
This present homestead carries decay and
death upon its own face, in the multiplied ex
ceptions under which the homestead can be
sold and disposed of, at either private or judi
cial sales. Almost any kind of a liability or
contract can be ingeniously tortured into
someone of the exceptions, as for instance,
“ removal of incumbrances.” and the benefi
ciaries debarred of its benefits. After the
homestead and exemption of personalty have
been set apart, it is easily within the power of
a husband or father to fraudulently arrange a
plan to have the homestead sold, and deprive
liis own family of all and whatever good there
is in the homestead. Instances of this char
acter have been so frequent as to have fallen
under the ready observation of all who take
any notice of pass.ng occurrences in connec
tion with the homestead laws. Nor has it
been within the power of any of i.he courts to
protect the beneficiaries ol homesteads against
the repeated deprivation of families from these
homestead exemptions under these equivocal,
enigmatical and numerous exceptions, by
which the homestead and exemption of per
sonalty are prevented from being taken, or
are disposed of after they have been taken.
The feature of these exemptions is, that they
are unmistakably nothing but quicksand; and
many families having taken homesteads and
supposing themselves to be resting on solid
earth, have suddenly through the drifting
sands disappeared from sight, and the vain
mockery of a homestead passed away with
them.
By an act of the Legislature of Georgia,
passed in 1876, to provide the mode in which
applicants for homestead and exemption of
personalty shall proceed before taking them,
it will be seen that the legal machinery neces
sary thereto is complicated and expensive, in
preparing schedules of property and list of
creditors, and serving notices of pertonal ser
vice and through the mail, that it is now one
of the most difficult things to readily obtain a
homestead or personalty exemption. If any
one will take the time to go to the office of
any Ordinary in the State where an applicant
for homestead has been made since the pas
sage of this law, he or she will not only be
quickly convinced of the dreadful intricacies
now attending these applications, but will be
wholesomely astonished at the great difficulty
in successfully obtaining them.
WAIVER OF THE HOMESTEAD.
The Supreme Court of the State has decided
that under the present constitution, the home
stead could be waived by the head of the fam
ily, and when that is done, the family cannot
take the homestead and exemption of perso
nalty. This decision of the highest court of
the State practically renders the homestead
laws worthless. This decision was the death
knell of the homestead clause of the constitu
tion. To those who are opposing a conven
tion for fear of some injury to the homestead,
it is only necessary to say that such an objec
tion ought no longer to be urged, for nothing
that a convention could do could as effectually
kill this part of the constitution as has been
done by the Supreme Court. This should
convince the most skeptical that the very last
ground upon which any one should oppose a
convention is the homestead portion of the
present constitution. Look at it as you will,
and it is a sham and deception, holding out
the temptation to take it, yet turning to ashes
when you touch it.
The most outrageously abominable feature
of the present homestead and personalty ex
emption clause of the constitution, is the con
struction given to it by the Supreme Court of
Georgia, when the court decided that the
homestead and personalty exemption could
not be supplemented, could not be added to
when persons applied for it once, and not hav
ing as much as the three thousand collars
worth of property in specie, yet if they after
wards acquired enough to make up this
amount, they could not have it added or sup
plemented to what they had already taken.
For instance, to make it clear to the under
standing of every one, here is wnat the Su
preme Court has decided alxmt this : If the
head of a family has no land and does not
have as muck as the one thousand dollars of
personalty, but only has, for instance, sav,
seven hundred dollars worth of property, aud
has that set apart, yet if this same person
should afterwards acquire enough to make
out one thousand dollars worth, he cannot
have it added to what he has already had ex
empted, so as to give him the one thousand
dollars really allowed by the homestead. It
is the same way with land. If a person takes
a homestead in land and has only, for in
stance, say eleven hundred dollars worth of
land, and has that set apart as a homestead,
yet, if by industry and economy he acquires
land enough to make up the two thousand
I dollars, he cannot have this added to liis
! homestead exemption. Does not every one
I see the gross injustice of this feature of the
present homestead ? If one person, as the
head of a family, has three thousand dollars
worth of realty and personalty, it can betaken
as a homestead—and yet those who have not
near so much are allowed only to take what
they have, and are not permitted to add to the
homestead what they afterwards accumulated
to make up the full amount of the exemp
tions under the present constitution. This
constitution, as regards a homestead, affords
no just equality whatever to those who own
small quantities of land and personalty, or to
those who do not own any land, and own only
small amounts of personal property. It is,
therefore, to the interest of these classes of
people to speedily do away with such home
stead laws as those which now work the
grossest injustice. This homestead is one
that only for awhile does any benefit to the
rich people. It is not a homestead that does
any good to the poor people, and for this rea
son should be supplanted by another constitu
tional homestead in anew constitution, that
will aflord the same rights and privileges to
poor people that it does to the rich. When it
comes to the discharge of all public duties
required of the people for the public good,
such as working on the roads and serving on
the jury, etc., the poor people have as much
of these burdens to bear as the rich ones.
Surely, then, the laws in the matter of a
homestead exemption should accord the same
rights to the poor as they do the rich. Every
poor man should vote for a convention and
demand of it that he be placed upon an equal
footing in all the homestead exemptions that
are granted to those who are wealthy.
Look at the present homestead clause of the
constitution as construed by the Supreme
Court in any feature of it, and it is seen to be
an ulcerous body, filled with loathsome disea-
decayed all over, and rapidly and finally
approaching its death. The sea goddess The
tis, to make her son Achilles invulnerable,
held him by the heel and dipped him into
the river Styx ; but the old lady forgot to wet
the heel of her baby boy with the waters of
the Styx, and his heel was left vulnerable;
and after winning all the renown which he
did in the grand battles of Mythology, this
chieftain was finally wounded in his vulnera
ble heel by a single arrow from the bow of
Paris directed by Phoebus Apollo, and from
the effects of this wound died. The wiseacres
who mothered the present homestead clause'',
ofthe constitution did not possess even a mo
dicum of the sagacity of the old heathen god
dess, for she left only one point of her son
exposed to be wounded, but the mothers of
that convention, who had the arranging of
the homestead portion of it did not make a
single feature of it invulnerable ; but, on the
contrary, left it vulnerable all over, from
head to foot, and to-day, though only nine
years old, it is tilled with arrows in every part
of its body, and the poor thing lies torn, bleed
ing and dying, if ever it had much substance
to be wasted by death. The truth is, it was
born dead; but its accoucheurs did not dis
cover that their pet bantling was still born in
time to remedy the evils that quickly fol
lowed. Every citizen should come promptly
forward and assist in the burial from sight of
this prutrescent carcass of a homestead under
the present constitution, and further aid in
giving to the people one that has both come
liness of form, bodily vigor and a living vital
ity.^
What our people want is a homestead that
is allowed to all; not one which excludes so
many classes of people as does the present
one. They need a homestead that is perma
nent—one that is founded on rock, and not on
quicksand—one that is not loaded down with
exceptions—one that can be taken by appli
cation to the Ordinary by a plain, simple
process, and not as the lapwing plan of the
present—one that can be supplemented if
one’s industry and economy should add to
their property —one that is easily understood
by the citizens of the State; for iudeed,
many do not know when, or whether, they
can take a homestead as it now exists under
the present constitution after it has been dis
sected, as it has been by the Supreme Court.
The present homestead has injured very
fearfully the credit of our business men
of all occupations abroad, and has been of
no practical protection to us at home. There
is certainly nothing in it to love or uphold,
and no one need fear a convention on this
account, for it is not possible for any conven
tion to make a more worthless or inefficient
homestead than the present one. Marshall.
SERIAL TOMISS AIHOXG IMIA>S.
The Indians of various tribes differ
greatly in their mode of disposing of the
dead ; but their are scarcely any who do
not treat their departed friends with
great respect and care. In some tribes,
the bodies are laid for a time on raised
platforms, out of the reach of prowling
beasts, till the work of decay lias left
only a skeleton. Then, after a lapse of
years, a great trench is dug and lined
with furs, and in this the skeletons are
all gathered and laid for a final rest, as
men, divested of all that is more gross,
waiting to enter on anew life.
In some tribes, young infants are bu
ried in the road leading to the village,
that the spirit of the child, unjustly, as
it were, deprived of a due course of life,
may glide into some woman passing
above,and make another effort to live the
years allotted to man.
Other tribes again shrink from com
mitting the delicate child to the cold
earth. The weeping mother makes a
cradle, and, binding her babe securely in
it, goes into the wood; and, selecting
some sapling, bends down the top, and
fastens securely to it the body of the
loved darling; and, then relaxing the
tree, sees her little one spring heaven*
ward to meet decay amid the birds and
blossoms, in the pure fresh air that kiss
es the tree-tops far above the world and
all that is coarse, and cruel and rave
nous. The thought is most too poetical a
one to credit to tho Indian mind, but
travelers may remember such an aerial
tomb.
—Ben Hill is fifty years old.
A BRIGHT NEW SWINDLE.
How to Get Change for Two Dollars
out or a One Dollar Bill.
Human ingenuity has devised another
means of swindling the cashiers of bar
rooms and saloons. Smith, Jones and
Robinson meet somewhere down town
early in the evening. As soon as they
come together Smith takes a roll of gen
uine two dollar bills from his pocket and
hands them over to Jones, who in a
pocket diary notes down the number of
such note. If upon its face the note
contains any peculiar marks, he also
makes careful memoranda of them.
This being done the trio start out—
Smith first, Jones a little way behind,
with Robinson bringing up the rear.
Smith enters a saloon, calls for a glass of
seltzer water, puts down a two dollar
bill, receives his proper change and
vanishes. In a few moments Jones en
ters the same place calls for something
to drink, and in payment hands the
cashier a one dollar bank note. While
the cashier is making change Robinson
rushes up to Jones excitedly, and, grasp
ing him by the hand, cries out:
“Why, my dear old fellow, where in
the world have you been these many
years,” etc., etc. A pleasant conversa
tion ensues, during which the cashier
has deposited Jones’ change for the one
dollar bill on the desk, and during which
time also the one dollar bill has been
covered up by the money received from
other patrons of the place.
Presently Robinson excuses himself,
and leaves Jones alone. Jones turns to
gather up his change. Alter counting it
over, he says to the cashier:
“My friend, that was as2 bill that I
handed you, and you have .given me
change for only sl.”
“ You gave me asl bill and nothing
more, sir,” responds the cashier.
“ Well, now, my dear friend.” Jones
protests, “I had only one $2 bill in my
pocket, and I have none now, conse
quently the $2 bill is in the drawer, and
I’ll convince you of it. It has been my
habit for some time past to take the
number of all bank notes that pass
through my hands.”
Then, taking out his diary, Jones
gives the number of the $2 bill, which
he says he passed over to the cashier,
hut which, it will be remembered, had
been previously deposited by Smith.
He also throws in a description of certain
peculiarities upon its face.
The idle crowd standing around are
convinced that Jones is right, the cashier
becomes confused and there is nothing
left him to do save to pass over $1 addi
tional change. In the mean time Smith
has deposited another $2 bill in some
other saloon, and thus the game is car
ried steadily on till midnight. Result,
SSO profit on good nights.
WANTED TO BE TREATED.
A San Francisco corn doctor was sum
moned by a man who lived four miles out
of the city. Hastily gathering up his
case of instruments, files, and acids, he
walked through the pouring rain to the
address indicated, and was shown into
the parlor. The physician sent up his
card, and shortly after the door opened,
and a florid man, with unsteady legs,
entered the apartment. “ How do, Doc?
Take a seat. Didn’t think you’d come
out in this rain, but you’re a regular
brick, and I knew it when I read your
card. I wish you’d come and live out
here. The whole neighborhood are a
set of darned teetotalers.” The practi
tioner opened his case of instruments,
and asked his patient to put up his foot
on a chair. The man assented, remark
ing that he never felt more comfortable
in his life. He resented, however, all
efforts of the doctor to pull off his socks,
and threatened to shoot him for attemp
ting to haul his boots off. “ How can I
treat you unless I see your corns?” cried
the chiropodist. “Corns be blowed!”
answered the dweller in the suburbs.
“ I ain’t got no corns ! Don’t your card
say, ‘ Gentlemen treated at their own
residences ?’ and I sent for you because
I am out of liquor, and want some bran
dy pretty quick.” There was a cry of
anguish as the doctor took his largest
file and rubbed all the skin off hia pa
tient’s nose.
A GHOST STORY.
Here is another ghost story from Eng
land, this time from Aldershot. For
some time past the sentries on two out
lying posts have been frightened to death
by the appearance at night of two spec
tral looking figures. These figures, glow
ing with phosphorus and otherwise alarm
ing to the superstitious, are in the habit
of suddenly manifesting themselves,
making tremendous springs of ten or
twelve feet at a time, and upsetting the
wretched sentry before he has been able
to collect himself sufficiently to oppose
earthly arms to his ghostly visitants.
The latter do him no bodily injury, con
tenting themselves with upsetting the
poor man, after which they mysteriously
disappear. So great has been the panic
that it has been found necessary to post
double sentries, and these have lately
taken to loading with ball. Whether the
rifles have been fired or not is not known,
but the posts are still haunted. Neither
have such precautions as sending out
pickets to explore the neighborhood been
of any avail. It is supposed that the
alarm has been caused by two practical
jokers provided with powerful springs to
the heels of their boots.
VOL. Ill—NO. 31.
JOSH BILLINGS’ GLIDE TO HEALTH.
Never ruu into det, if you find any-*'
thing else to run into.
Go to bed arly, and git up arlv, and be
kareful what yu dream about.
Eat fish twice a week, and if you kan’t
git fish git herring.
Alwase be perlite, it costs nothing, and
will convinse more poople than logik
will.
Never say No, if you can help it, and
grease your boots regular Saturday
nights.
Eat rhi bread and onions, and don’t fale
to chew them well.
Be kind to youre mother-in-law, and
if convenyant pay her board at some good
hotel.
Bathe thorely once a week in saft wa
ter and kasteel sope, and avoid tite boots.
Exercise in the open are, but don’t
saw wood till yure obliged tu.
Avoid hot bread and terrapins for sup
per.
Don’t fret and worry, kare hav bin
known to kill a large sized tomas kat.
Laff every time youre tickled, and l&ff
once in a while anyhow.
Don’t philosophize tu much, philosofe
is one of the luxuries of life.
Eat hash washing daze and be thank
ful, if you have to shet youre ize to do
it.
Don’t jaw back—it only proves that
you are az big a phule as the other fello.
Never gossip nor kriticise youre na
bors. The chances are that tha are fully
az good az you are.
Eat no biled iobster nor biled owl just
before going to bed, unless you want to
see how your greatgrandmother looked.
Be kind to everything- Better! thro a
bone to a strange dog than a paving
stone.
Don’t sware, it may convince yu, but is
sure not to convince others.
When you grease yure boots use mut
ton tallo, injun rubber, and rosin biled
together.
Stay at hum of nites ; if you kan’t find
anything else to do, play leep frog with
your yung uns.
Keep your hed kool and your feet dry,
and brethe thru youre nose as much as
possible.
Note. —Bi trying to follow the abuve
gide to helth and happiness the Billings
family hav bekum what they am.
TWO TEKItIULE FRIENDS.
The Eureka (Nev.) Sentinel tells a
good story on one of the boys who lives
at Mineral Mill, and who happened to
arrive in town during the progress of a
ball. Ilis social instincts prompted him
to attend, but his attire was not quite up
to the mark, and he applied to a friend
for the loan of the necessary articles of
apparel. The friend consented with
some reluctance,and, arrayed in borrowed
plumes, our hero engaged in the festivi
ties. The owner of the garments watch
ed him as he threaded the mazy dance,
and after it was over, and he had enscon
ced himself in a seat by the side of a fair
charmer, approached him and broke loose
with the following remark : “ See here,
D , them pants is new,and I wish you
wouldn’t set down and make knees in
them.” D came very near fainting
with mortification, and abruptly left the
ball, followed by a sympathizing friend
who had overheard the remark and felt
sorry for his embarrasment. D strip
ped off those pants, and, after much so
licitation, accepted the loan of another
pair from his new-found friend, and, af
ter some hesitation, returned to the ball
room and soon forgot his troubles in the
smiles of the company of the fair dancers.
A polka was called on. He was on the
floor with the belle of the evening, skip
ping and hopping as gracefully as that
exhiliarating dance would permit, until,
out of breath, he promenaded, with his
fair partner on his arm, in close proxim
ity to the owner of the breeches, who
had been looking on in evident delight
at the abandon of the wearer, and as he
came by him he gave vent to his pleas
ure by slapping D on the back and
exclaiming: “Go it, old fellow; burst
thunder out of the breeches if you want
to; I don’t care a ceut as long as you en
joy yourself.” D dropped his part
ner and rushed to the depot just in time
to catch the train.
A Batch of Whys. —Why are am*
bassadors the most perfect people in the
world? Because they are all excellen
cies. Why is sympathy like blind man’s
bluff? It is a fellow feeling for a fellow
creature. Why is the sun like a good
loaf? Because its light when it rises. l
Why is a crow a brave bird? Because
she never shows the white feather. Why ;
is a sawyer like a lawyer? Because
which ever way he goes, down cornea the
dust. Why are washerwomen silly peo
ple? Because they put their tubs to
catch soft water when it rains hard. ;
Why is a man who doesn’t lose his tem
per like a schoolmaster? Because he
keeps cool (keeps school). Why are
mountains like invalids? Because they
look peakish. Why are umbrellas like
pancakes? Because they are seldom
seen after lent. Why is a drunkard hes
itating to sigh the pledge like a sceptical
Hindoo? Because he doubts whether to
give up the worship of Jug-or-Not.
Why cannot two slender persons ever
become great friends? Beccause they
will always be slight acquaintances.
—A horrible case of wife murder has
been developed at Milledgeville.
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ANECDOTE OF THE BANK OF ENG
LAND.
An extraordinary affair happened
about the year 1740. One of the direc
tors, a very rich man, had occason for
£30,000, which he was to pay as the price
of an estate he had just bought. To fa
cilitate the matter, he carried the sum
with him to the bank, and obtained lor
it a bank note. On his return home, he
was suddenly called out on some partic
ular business. He threw the uote care
lessly on the mantlepiece, but when he
came back a few minutes afterward to
lock it up, it was not to be found. No
one had entered the room ; he could not,
therefore, suspect any person.
At last, after much ineffectual search,,
he was persuaded that it had fallen from
the mantlepiece into the fire. The direc
tor went to acquaint his colleagues of the
misfortune that had happened him ; and,
as he was known to be a perfectly hon
orable man, he was readily believed. It
was only about four-and-twenty hours
from the time lie had deposited bis
money ; they thought, therefore, that it
would be hard to refuse his second note.
He received it upon giving an obligation
to restore the first note if it should ever
be found, or to pay the money himself if
it should be presented by a stranger.
About thirty years afterward (the di
rector having been long dead, and his
heirs in possession of bis fortune), an
unknown person presented the lost note
at the bank, and demanded payment.
It was iu vain that they mentioned to
this person the transaction by which that
note bad been annulled; be would not
listen to it. He maintained that it had
come to him from abroad, and insisted
upon immediate payment.
The note was payable to bearer, and
the £30,000 were paid to him. The heirs
of the director would not listen to any
demands of restitution, and the bank was
obliged to sustain the loss.
It was discovered afterward that an
architect, having purchased the direc
tor’s house, had taken it down, in order
to build another house on the same spot,
and found the note in the crevice of the
chimney, and made his discovery an
engine for robbing the bank, in which
he was completely successful.
HI OF NT ARARAT.
Dr. Bryce described his ascent of Mt.
Ararat at the Royal Institution in Lon
don the other evening. As Cossacks
would not, from pride, act as porters, he
engaged Kirds to carry his impediments,
but was obliged also to engage Cossacks
to protect him from Kirds. Notwith
standing the fact that the ascent has now
been made several times, it is still a root
ed superstition in the country that the
mountain is under superhuman care—
the Kirds say of devils, the Americans
say of angels—and it cannot he ascended.
His attendance gradually fell off, and he
completed the ascent alone.
When far above the level of trees, he
came upon a small piece of wood, which
he exhibited, though he was not prepared
to account for its appearance at so great
an elevation. Former travelers have al
luded to the volcanic origin of the moun
tain. He found this to be so, though
there was no trace of the crater no more
than that of the Ark, though there is a
firm belief through the district that the
Ark is still preserved in a recess. He
thinks the whole of the summit has beeu
carried away by denudation. The appear
ance of the mountain, rising as it does,
14,500 feet above the valley level, is very
striking, and naturally suggests that it
would be the first spot of dry land in the
district after tiie flood. Dr. Bryce said
that he believed the people of the dis
trict were retrograding rather than pro
gressing.
The Henteckfd Man*.—The hen
pecked man izmost generally married;
but there are instances recorded of single
men being harrassed by the pullets.
Yu can alwus tell one ov these kind
of men, espeshlv if they are in the com
pany ov thair wives. Thav look as re
sighned tew thair fate as a hen turkey in
a wet day.
Thair ain’t nothing that will take the
starch out ova man like being pecked
by a woman. It is wuss than a seven
months’ of the fever and agy.
The wives of henpecked husbands
most alwus opt liv thair victims, and I
hav known them to get married agin,
and git hold ova man that time (thank
the Lord !) who understood all the hen
peck dodges.
One of these kind ov husbands iz an
honor to his sex.
The henpecked man, when he gits out
amungst men, puts on an air ov bravery
and defiance, and once in a while will
git a leetle drunk and then go home with
a firm resolve that he will be captain ov
his household ; but the old woman soon
takes the glory out him, and handles
him just as she would a haff-grown
chicken, who had fell into a swill barrel,,
and had to be jerked out awful quick.
Not a Singer. — The Columbus
(Ohio) State Journal, the editor of which
is intimately acquainted with President.
Hayes, says the report that Hayes is a
good singer is absolutely false. The
Journal impresses its denial bv saying;:
“ Hayes can’t sing any more than a ca
nal boat. He stampeded Averill’s whole
cavalry division once trying to sing,
i ‘John Brown’s Body.’ They thought it.
wa? the long ro!l.”