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How .Hr. Parker Caught a Thiel.
“ Did I ever tell you how I caught a
thief once?'’ asked Mr. Parkei of his
friend Mr. Johnson, as he sat smoking a
pipe in Mr. Johnson’s comfortable
“ place.”
“ No, tell us about it r ” said Mr. John
son, fillinj' the glasses with fresh ale.
Well,” said Mr. Darker, “ I do not
mind if I do. You see, I bought me a
■ice overcoat two or three years ago. It
was one of the lot of r>ice overcoats, an.<l
I was rather proud of it. I hung it up i.u
the hail one day, and that evening, just
*■> I was coming into the hall from dinner,
I saw a chap getting out of the door with
uiy overcoat on. I rushed after him, hut
it was no go-—he got away. Next day I
met that fellow on Broadway and had him
arrested, but when we came into court
and I tried to identify that coat he had
fifty fellows there, and every blamed one
of t.iem had a coat just like mine, and I
couldn’t swear to it and tiie Judge had to
let him go. Perhaps I wasn’t mad L
‘Greatguns!’ said I,‘am I to be robbed
with impunity?’ ‘Parker, old boy,’ said
Ito myself, ‘this will never do L’ So I
went right hack to the store where I got
the first coat and got one exactly like it.
Now, said I, 1 11 set a trap for tha young
man and I’ll see it I can’t identify this
coat. I baited my trap- with the new
coat, and sure enough the sneak thief
came along and marched off with it. I
chased him, but the rascal got away, and
I began to wish I hadn’t been so sharp.
Well, I looked for that fellow more than
a week ; at last I caught him !. ‘ Young
man,’ said l, ‘ I want that coat.’
”Taere’ssome mistake-,.” said he.
“ Yes, sir, there is,” said I; ‘‘you’ve
got an honest man’s coat on.”'
“ Well,” said lie. bold as brass, “ I'll
go to court with you. There’s a thou
sand other coats like this in New York.
There’s no mark ou it; you can’t swear
to it.”
“ ‘ We’ll’ sec, said I.
“We went to court. There were the
fifty fellows’ coats just like mine, as be
fore. The Judge tonic the coat and ex- <
atnined it.”
“‘ I fin 1 no in irk,’ said he ; ‘ can you
indentify this as your property. Mr. Par
ker V
‘Certainly,’ said I; my initials are in
it.’ The prisoner h•gin to grin, for he
had searched t!ie exit, no doubt, and
found no m irk.
“‘Give me tie c Kit,’ said I. Tue
Judge handed m • tue coat, an 1 taking
my pen mite, I ripe ■ 1 t le set a o i tie i
shoulder in Ito c out two s n ill peas.!
‘ There arc my i litiais,’ said I—• P. p.— J
Peleg Park- r’’
“‘ Wllln <1 l!’ s lid the prisoner.
4 lltf wI- id (-1 It jui; cI- I, .It least,') con
clu lei .Mr. Par. ter, with a benevolent !
smile, ‘hut he got two ycai* in the peni
tentiary, nevertheless.’ ”
Pisiiiiod I.iiyv.
All men and women must love some*
fcii 11 tf. If our thoughts are [Hire we lo\e
birds, flowers, ami all beautiful things,
in their contemplation we are happy,
and there comes to our brain a steady
strength. It is such a rest from labor to
look upon the fragrant flowers placed
eaeh morning on our desk—to hear our
] t canary sing bis roundelay of welcome
—io behold evidences of tlirilt and neat
ness all a mut, as these children or order
and system reward the senses. It is re
lated of a man that he called his wife,
who was a hundred pounds heavier than
lie, his little darling—his petite pet.
People smiled at him because they did
not understand his actuations. He had
a warm,trusting, loving heart, a great
manly love all about the object of that
love, and so she was his little pet—his
darling. We are like chameleons, and
color as we feed mentally. If we love
the beautiful we are happy. If we love
the coarse, the vulgar, the objects of in
fluences that give no sweet return, life
becomes a blank, the soul cracks and
shrinks into a bundle of uailrods to lac
erate the mental man, and we are on the
direct road to ruin. What a beautiful
world this would be if all persons would
only ornament their homes and their
hearts by cultivating and keeping alive
their love for pets, uo matter what their
form or condition.
A I’u net notion Puzzle.
The following article forcibly illus
trates the uecesity of punctuation. It
can be read in two ways, making it a
very bad man or a good man, the result
depending upon the manner in which it
is punctuated:
He is an old and experienced man in
▼ice and wickedness he is never found in
opposing the works of iniquity he takes
delight in the downfall of his neighbors
he never rejoices in the prosperity of any
of his fellow creatures he is always ready
to assist in destroying the peace of soci
ety he takes no pleasure in serving the
Lord he is uncommonly diligent in sow
ing discord among his friends and ac
quaintances he takes no pride in labor
ing to promote the cause of Christianity
he has not been negligent in tryiug to
stigmatize all public teachers he makes
no efforts to subdue his evil passions he
strives hard to buiid up Satau’s kiugdom
he leads no aid to the support of the Gos
pel among the heathen he contributes
largely to the evil adversity he pays no
attention to good advice he pays great
heed to the devil he will never go to
heaven he must go where he will receive
the just recompense of reward.
BY T. L. GANTT.
BETTER THISOS.
Better to smell the violet cool, tlian sip the
glowing wine t
Better to hark a hidden brook, than watch a
diamond shine.
Better the love ofgeiitle-a heart, than beaaty’s
favors proud;
Better the roses living seed, than roses in a
crowd. 0
Better to-love in lonliness, than to bask in
in love all day ;
Better the fountain in the heart, than the
fountain by the way.
Better to be fed by mother’s hand, than, eat
alone at will;
Better to trust in good than say : “ My goods
my store house fill.”
Better to be a little wise, than in knowledge
to abound;
Better to teach a child, tl.au-toil to fill per
fection’s round.
Better to sit at a master’s feet, chan thrill a
listening State;
Better to suspect that thou art proud, Shan be
sure thou art great.
Better to walk the real unseen, than watch
the hour’s event;
Better the “ Well done!” at the last, than the
air with shouting rent.
Better to have a quiet grief, than a hurrying
delight ;
Better the twilight of the dawn, than the
noonday burning bright.
Better a death when work is done, than
earth’s most favored birth;
Better a child in God’s great house, than the
kiug of all the earth.
UNDER THE BED.
My hair must, I think, have turned
white in a single moment. Let me tell
you about it, and Mrs. Hartley, a lady of
thirty or thereabouts, with a pleasant and
singularly expressive face, her head cov
ered with a luxurious mass of hair,, sil
s-ivory white, commenced the following
narrative
“ Ten years ago>, this very day, I was
married. My husband’s business was
such, that he was not able to leave the
ciiy for any considerable length of time;
so my dreams of a wedding tour on the
Continent were unrealized, and I was
compelled to content myself with a few
weeks’ travel in the West.
“ After having visited several of the
principal cities we came across an old
friend, who,with his wife, was also in
search of pleasure. One evening, at dark,
we found ourselves at a littlejsettlement
a few miles from Milwnukie. It had
commenced to rain, the night bade fair
to be very unpleasant, and to complete
our misery, we discovered that the driver
we had hired to take us to Miiwaukie
was either terribly stupid, ora little in
toxicated—the latter seemed most proba
ble. My husband, after questioning him
in reference to the locality, found that a
short di .tau.ee further was a tavern,
where we could spend the night.
“This was very acceptable news-to-me,
for I had grown exceedingly nervous at
the approach of the storm, as welt as at
the lateness of the hour, ami the singular
behavior of our guide and driver.
“My husband’s ‘shall we stop or go
on ?’ met with a heartily ‘stop by all
means,’ from the whole party; and after
a few moments’ more slow groping
among the dripping trees, we halted
before a little wayside inn, which, at
first appearance, presented rather a com
fortless aspect. The room into which we
uere ushered was a large, square, and
well lighted: a cheerful tire crackled
uiion the hearth, presenting a striking
contrast to the chill drizzle outside.
“Itdid not take long to remove our
wrappings and order supper, and in a few
moments a good, substantial repast was
laid before us. After having sat an un
preceutedly long while over our coffee,
our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Withers, were
placed atone end of a iong hall, or pas
sage, and we at the other.
“ ‘ This is cozy,’ said Frank, preparing
to retire. ‘ Toe whole get up of this
place reminds me of our country houses
at the East. I haven’t had anything to
taste so good since I left home as my
supper did 10-uight. Plain, clean, sub
stantial, and enough of it, and this ain’t
bad,’glancing at the snowy dimity, and
high feather bed. ‘ But wiiat’s the mat
ter with youhe continued, amazed at
receiving no reply.
“ A strange nervousness had all at
once taken possession of me, and the
sensation was so new that I was abso
lutely frightened. It was the first time
in my life that i had ever experienced
such a feeling as fear,and I was too proud
admit the truth, so evaded his query by
declaring that I was utterly fagged out,
and needed sleep. Just then a kuock
was heard ou the door. My husband
answered the summons.
“‘Would you be kind enough,’ saida
voice, which I immediately recognized as
our landlords’, 4 to come with me to the
next house? A poor fellow has sent tor
someone Vo read the Bible. He is iu the
iast agonies, sir, and 1 am sorry to say no
one here can do it and I have made hold
to come aud ask you. It seems a shame to
have the poor feilow step out without a
single crumb of comfort.’
“ ‘ I’ll be with you in a moment,’replied
Frank; and with a'Tnank you,’ which
was altogether to criuging for my taste,
the mau turned away.
" ‘ But, Frank,you are not going!’ I ex
claimed, in horror, as he drew on his
boots.
“ ' Why, Lis. what a question! who
LEXINGTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY MORNING, JUNE 8, 1877.
would refuse such a request?’ he replied,
without looking at me. ‘Of course, I
am going. It isn’t possible my little
wife would say a word agaiust so simple
an act of kindness ? God only knows
what straits we may be reduced to in our
last hours. ‘A cup of cold water in my
name,’ and ‘ As ye do it unto the least of
one of these,’ remember’
“ With a sob, which I could not restrain,
I hid my face on the pillow.
“ ‘ Well, I declare you are nervous,’ he
continued, leaning o-ver the bed to com
fort me. ‘You- are actually trembling.
Now, be a good little girl and bolt the
door after me. It isn’t at all probable I
shall be gone o-ver an hour,’ and without
another word he slipped his watch, pock
et-baok and one of his pistols under my
pillow, and was gone.
“■Oil, that terrible presentment of evil,
and nothing else, that made me so un
willing to be left alone. I tried So say,.
‘Frank, I will not allow this. If you
insist upon going, I will accompany you
but in some incomprehensible manner, I
was withheld. Probably my anxiety to
stand well in the estimation of m v hus
band caused me to restrain further exhi
bitions of timidity.
“He had told me to fasten the door
but I dreaded to step out- of bed.. It
seemed as if some great,- black hand was
already to grab at my ankle; but I knew
it must be done, and after a moment’s
hesitation, I leaped out, turned the key,
drew the bolt, and with the speed of an
antelope, tucked myself down again into
the comfortable feathers.
“Sleep ! I might as well have tried to
seep in the regions of the infernal ;
couldn’t close my eyes even. There was
a painful sensation of its being necessary
to keep myself close together. My leet
seemed so far away fom my head that I
was compelled to draw them carefully
up, and when at last my knees touched
my chin, and there was no further cur
tailing possible, I tried to define what 1
was afraid of; but the more I tried the
more wretched and perplexed I became.
I could see nothing—hear nothing; but
a warning of danger had been wafted to
inv soul, which that soul felt, but could
not understand.
“ A cold perspiration started from my
face, b-ut I dared not lift my hand to
wipe it off. Every sense seemed preter
natural ly acute. After a space of time,
which seemed to me an eternity, I dis
tinctly heard a slight rustling under the
bed. Still I stirred not. Again and
again it was repeated, aud I at last dis
covered that somebody was trying to
remove from his hiding-place. The
cause of my horror was then plain.
What should I do ? Rush for the door,
and attempt to alarm my friends at the
other end of the passage? To save my
life, I could not move an inch ! Still, the
strange movement beneath me. It ap
peared as if my right hand were taken,
without the least volition of my own, and
laid upon the little destroyer under my
head.
“My eyes seemed riveted on the foot
of the bed, where, in a little while, a
hand appeared—a long black hand,
which grasped the rail, as if in this
way to assist its owner to his feet.
“ Slowly—as I had seen figures appear
before a trap-door on the hoards of a
theatre —the horrid thing assumed pro
portions. Not for a second did I remove
my eves.
“ Tiie head was small, covered with
long, perfectly straight black hair; tiny
bead-like eyes, glistening like those of a
serpent. The creature’s mouth seemed
literally to spread from ear to ear, while
the thick crimson lips gave a crowning
hiueousness to the most terrible counte
nance I ever saw imagined.
“My hand clutched the murderous
little weapon.
“ The wretch moved slowly toward
me, keeping his horrid eyes fixed on my
face, with a leer, impossible to describe,
proclaimed that he thought his job was
an easy one.
“ * Gold, lady gold watch gold !
Right away, now ! Then Bill buggy you !’
muttered the brute, advancing another
step.
“With a steadiness that would have
done credit to a professional shooting at
a target under ordinary circumstances,
t.iis right hand drew out the little pistol,
aimed—tired ; and in a second’s time
the giant, with a piercing shriek, reeled
and fell.
“It appeared to me that a legion of
men came running up stairs. They tried
the door.
“ This I thought a part of the plot, of
course. My h ushand had been beguiled
into leaving me, uud I was in a den of
thieves, ."o that I stood by the door
ready to shoot the first person who cross
the threshold.
“ They entreated to be let in.
“ ‘Whoever attempts to enter this room
is a dead man !’ I answered with my
mouth to the key-hole.
“ ‘ Let me in, Lis, please I’ said a well
known voice. ‘ Bella, open the door.
What can be the matter? There is
nothing to hurt you from the outside,
Bella, darling, open the door I
“ And 1 did.
“ ‘Mv God ! What is that ?’ came from
every member of the household, as the
dead body met their view.
“ ‘And, my God ! what is this ?’ said ray
husband, taking my hair which had
turned perfectly gray, which hung about
my shoulders, into his hand and bursting
into tears, * Oh, darling ! why did I leave
you?’ was all the poor fellow could ut
ter.
“ The man was a villian who had sev
eral times escaped tire penalties of the
law, on account of what it was pleased to
term his idiocy.
“'Sot,here was no-conspiracy I ventur
ed to ask,, after taking a long breath.
“None at all,” replied Frank. “The
poor man we went to visit died while I
was there.”
—— m -0- m
IS®- Better than Hot Springs—Dß. DUR
HAM’S BLOOD PURIFIER.
THE LUCKY LOAF.
One evening a poor mart and his son,a
little boy, sat by the wayside near the
gate of an old town in, in Germany. The
lather took out a loaf of bread which he
had bought in the town, and broke it,
and gave half to-his boy. “ Not so, fath
er,” said the- boy ; “I shall not eat until
after you. You have been working hard
all day for small wages, to support me ;
and veu must be very hungry, I shall
wait till you are done/’’
“Y'ou speak kindly, nay son,” replied
the pleased father; your love to me does
me more good than my food ; and those
eyes of yours remind me of your dear
mother,, who has left us, and who told
you to Love me as she used to do ;.and in
deed, my boy, you have been a great
strength and comfort to me ; bat now
that I have eaten the tkst morsel to please
you-, it is your tarn now to-eat.”
“Thank you, father pbut baeak this
piece in two, and take you a little more,
for you see the loaf is not large ; and you
require much more than Ido.”
“I shall divide the loaf for you my
boy ; but eat it I shall not. I have abun
dance ; and let us thank God for His
great goodness in giving us food, and in
giving us what is better still —cheerful
contented hearts. He who gave us the
living bread of heaven, to nourish our
immortal souls, how shall He not give us
all other food that is necessary to support
our mortal bodies?”
The father and son thanked God, and
then began, to gut the loaf in pieces, to
begin their frugal meal. Bat as they
cut one portion of the loaf there fell out
several large pieces of gold of great value.
The little boy gave a shout joy, and
wasspringing forward to grasp the unex
pected treasure, when he was pulled hack
by his father. “My son, my son !” he
cried, “ do not touch the money ; it is not
ours.”
“ But whose is it father, if it is not
ours.”
“ I know not, as yet, to whom it be
longs ; but probably it was put there by
the baker, through some mistake.
“We must enquire. Run !”
“ But, father,” interrupted the boy,
“ you are poor and needy, and you have
bought the loaf, and the baker may tell
you a lie and”
“ I will not listen to you, my boy. I
bought the loaf, but I did not buy the
gold in it. If the baker sold it to me in
ignorance, I shall not be so dishonest as
to take advantage of him ; remember Him
who told us to do unto others as we would
have others do unto us. The baker may
possibly cheat us. I am poor, indeed, but
that is no sin. If we share the poverty
of Jesus, God’s own Son, let us share al
so his goodness, aud his trust in God.
We may never be rich but we may always
be honest. We may die of starvation,
but God’s will bo done, should we die in
doing it; Yes, my boy, trust God, and
walk in His ways, and you shall never be
put to shame. Now, run to the baker
and bring hint here; and I shall watch
the gold until be conies.”
So the boy ran for the baker.
“ Brother workman,” said the old man,
you have made some error, and lost your
money ;” and he then showed the baker
the gold, aud told him how it had been
found.
“ Is it thine?” asked the father; “if it
is, take it away.”
“My father, baker, is very poor
and” —
“ Silence, mv child ; put me not to
shame by thy complaints. lam glad we
have saved this man from losing his
money.”
The baker had been gazing alternately
upon the honest father and the eager boy,
and upon the gold which lay glittering
upon the green turf. “ Thou art indeed
an honest fellow ; said the !>aker ; “ and
my neighbor David, the flax dresser,
told but the truth, when he said thou
wert the lionestest man in our town.
“ Now I shall tell thee about the gold :
A stranger came to my shop a few days
ago, and gave me that loaf, and told me
to sell it cheaply, or give it away to the
bonestest poor man whom I knew iu the
city. I told Divid to send thou to me
as a customer this morning ; as thou
wouldst not have the loaf for nothing, I
sold it to thee, as thou kno west, for the
last pence in thy purse; and the loaf
with all its treasure —and, certes, it is not
small—is thine, and God grant thee a
blessing with it.”
The poor fellow bent his head to the
ground, while the tears fell from his eyes.
His boy ran and put his hands about his
neck, andsaid, “ I shall always, like you,
my father, trust God and do what is
right; for lam sure it will never put us
to shame.”
DR. DURHAM’S PILLS au.l BLOOD
PURIFIER are not secret, nor patent nos
trums, but their formulas are open to the in
spection of any one.
MOW TO GET YIAKKIED.
Young ladies between sixteen and
twenty-five cannot be expected to under
stand this curious machine called ‘* the
world,’ a competent knowledge of which
is often not obtained until we are too
old to make use of it. The following
hints, therefore, may not be unaccepta
ble or without their use.
All fish are not to be caught with the
same bait or the same hooks—neither are
all men to be caught by the same meas
ures. Some young gentlemen are of the
gudgeon species; They are captured
without much trouble—others are of the
mullet family ; they are not to be taken
without a great deal of manceuvering.
Neither ot these sorts make the best
husbands; for if a man has not sense
enough to discover artifice, or to despise
it when discovered,, he- i scarcely worth
the trouble which must be employed in
captivating him. Plain dealing is the
best policy in- matters of love and court
ship, as well as in everything else.
Elegant accomplishments, music paint
ing, dancing,etc., are often considered as
the strongest attractions to-young men
who are in search of a partner for life,
and yet perhaps, a good husband is sel
dom obtained by dancing, drawing, or
singing. These things are well enough
it substantial, like the dessert after the
dinner—by themselves they uro all des
sert and no dinner.
Young ladies should be recommended
not to lay too much stress on these ac
complishments—few of them can hope
to become eminent in such elegant arts—
and gentlemen who attend operas, theat
rical dances and exhibitions of paintings,
are not likely to be overwhelmed by a
mere amateur display of skill in the par
lor, boudoir, or ball-room.
Do you wish your husband to.be a
man of sense, or a coxcomb ? If the first,
hold every species of affection in dread
and abhorrence. Be, if possible, what
you would wish, to appear, but never at
tempt to seem what you are not. The
affectation of wealth by dressing beyond
one’s means is a very common folly, and
one replete with mischief. If a female
can reconcile it toiler conscience to de
ceive a man in respect to her worldly
circumstances, she will seldom find it
practicable to mislead him on that ground
into an offer of wedlock.
Suitors of whom fortune is a primary
object, are generally scrutizing and cir
cumspect in such matters-. If you wish
to get married, and to marry well, keep
not too much company, nor to* be too
often away from home, at parties and
other places of amusement; study to be
amiable, not merely to seem so; give
some attention to domestic economy;
avoid extravagance in all things ; culti
vate your mind ; shun all levity of man
ners, preserving at the same time a proper
degree of cheerfulness.
If these rules will not avail, suppose
the facts to be against you, and resign
yourself patiently, remembering always
that it is better to be a happy old maid
than a miserable wife. Never expect
felicity from any marriage which is
brought about by improper means, or by
any kind of deception or artifice. Mat
rimony is too serious and permanent a
thing to be trifled with.
'JEgU Every family should keep a box of DR
DURHAM'S VEGETABLE LIVER PILLS.
For sale by Smith & Young, Lexington, and
all dealers in medicines, m>yll-6tu
Imagination ami lUsciwc.
The influence of the imagination in the
simulation ofdisease has often been prov
ed. It was in France, we believe, that
an experiment was made upon a soldier,
who, being condemned to die for some
infraction of military discipline, was
handed over to the scientists as a living
subject. He was placed in a hospital,
and told that all around him were pa
tients suffering from small pox. Al
though this was not true, the man was
soon taken violently sick, and displayed
every symptom of the disease. Instances
tending to establish this remarkable
domination of the mental faculties over
the body are not rare, and a story is go
ing the round of the newspapers which
may be cited in this connection :
A young man in New York went into a
drug store and aske 1 for fifty cents’
worth of strychnine. The druggist gave
him a harmless yowder, and he swallow
ed it. He then explained that his affec
tions had been blighted, and he had
taken the poison to kill himself. The
druggist told him there was not fifteen
minutes’ life in him, and that he was
begining to/ale about the eyes already.
The youth sank to the floor, and the
siveat streamed from his brow. He was
becoming very sick, mentally and bodily,
an 1 appeared to be dying. The medi
cine man became alarmed at the effect of
the dose, ard examined the jar from
which he had taken the powder. It was
“sugar of mils,” sure enough—perfectly
harmless, and yet it was producing
spasms! Asa last resort, the young man
was informed that he had taken no pois
on, but, instead, a vary harmless powder,
a bushel of which would not kill him.
The information put a stop to the dying
business ; he revived, got up and walked
out of the store disgusted, promising,
however, to give the coroner an early
job. It was the opinion of all the by
standers th.t the mere imagination of
poison in his system was really killing
the youth.
tejg- For all Imparities of the Blood, take
DR DURHAM’S BL >XJD PUitilbL..
VOL III —NO. 35.
HORRORS OF THE WAR.
■
Horrible Ma.—acre of the Cliri-tlnii- of
Turtukai.
The little Bulgarian town of Turtukai,
situated across the Danube from Olteuit
za, possessed, many Christian inhabitants,
in numbers far fewer than the Turks.
0-n the Bright of the lGtli of May, the
Turkish citizens of the town joined with
the troops in. the fortress from which the
village takes its name, and began- an on
slaught upon the Christians. The car
nage began in all parts of the town at
once. The doors of these who attempted
to defend their homes were broken in,
and the massacres and outrages were
perpetrated within the dwellings. In
many instances, however, the attacking
parties, encountered the families seated
: together in front of their houses. The
| method in such cases generally was to.
i either to* sabre ec shoo t tbs father and
elder sons, to break the skulls of the old
women, ami the a to seize and outrage the
young women. In very many cases the
outrages were perpetrated by neighbors
: and citizens of the town well’ known to
the poor miserable victims. Nobodv was
■ spared who was captured. Scenes ot
| irightful atrocity occured. The cries of
the fleeing women aiut children were
lieatd at the outposts of the Roumanian
troops encamped below Oltenitza, and a
small party under coverof the darkness
ventured across the river They brought
two. Bulgarian men back with them.
I One of the fugitives was quite an old
man, and was lor a long time unable to
speak from grief aud wild terror. When,
on Thursday, iie was com posed sufficient
ly to talk with the Roumania officers, he
described the killing ot his wife and
oldest son i.n liis sight, and fciie carrying
off of nis daughter. The only pretext
seems to have been the ineffectual bom
bardment of Oltenitza from the old fort
ress of Turtukai and from the new water
batteries which have been erected along
the river bank. No damage was done by
Turkish batteries.
A t’uttiiig Argumcist.
A gentleman came to the Gibson House,
a few days ago, and registered fora brief
stay in the city. One of the first things
he did was to visit the barber-shop next
to the office and get shaved. Charley,
the barber, having scraped the gentle
man’s face to a satisfactory cleanliness,
noticed that he wore rather long hair, and
always ready to make dime or two lor his
employer when opportunity ollered, he
thought he had struck upon a 00 cent job
with the scissors sure. He interrogated.
“ Cut your hair, sir.”
“ No,” was the reply.
“ Its mighty longhair, sir,” ventured
Charley, tucking the towel down behind
the gentleman’s collar. There was no
reply, and as he ran his fingers through
the long, straight hair, he added ;
“ Much too long, sir, for this weather
and tbe present style.”
No answer.
“ Better let me just sort o’ trim it up,
sir,” continued the barber grabbing his
scissors and limbering up his rivvt close
to the customer’s ear.
“ I don’t want it cut to day.”
“ Better not put off till to-morrow
what can be done to day, sir. It tvou’i
take me long.”
“ But I say I don’t want it cut my good
fellow.”
“ Excuse me, sir,” persisted the knight
of the scissors, “ hut it is not healthy or
stylish to wear one’s hair so long. Just
let me show you how nicely I can ‘ feath
er’ it.”
The stranger looked up. with a desper
ate cast to his eye, and said:
“ Young man, must I tell you that I
wear a wig? Now let me alone and brush
my hair.”
The barber grasped the arm of a chair
to save himself from falling.
Babies Xut to be Dainneii.
During the session of the Presbyterian
General Synod in Chicago last Thursday,
Dr. Y r au Dyke, refer ing to a recent report,
said :
“This paper says that * Dr. Van Dyke
sends unbaptized children, and the hea
then, and the unconverted Christian,
and the Papist, and ibe rationalist, ail
to hell. I wish to sav in all seriousness
that whoever wrote this has fallen into i
no slight mistake. Perhaps he did not
have the privilege of going to Princeton, j
or le would have understood it better. !
I do not beiieve that a child or man was
ever sent to hell liecanse he was unbap
tized. Ido not believe any dying in'ant,
baptized or unbaptized, heathen or Chris
tian, is excluded from the kingdom of
Heaven. I believe they are ail saved.
I beg leave to say that this, sir, is your
opinion, and Dr. EUiinvood’s, and Dr. |
Irving’s, opinion, and the opinion of the
whole Presbyterian Church* [Great ap j
plause.] If it is not, let the man tiiat!
don’t beleive it rise up and contradict.” I
He who administers medicine to the
sad heart in the shape of wit and bomor
is most assuredly a Good Samaritan. A
cheerful face is nearly as good for an in
valid as healthy weather. To make a
sick man think he is dying, all that is
necessary is to look half dead yourself.
Open, unreserved merriment is a safety
valve to the heart and disposition. If
overburdened with the noxious gasses
of care, pull the string of wit, up flies the
valve of fun, and out go the troubles
and vexations of life to the four winds of
heaven.
©glrtlusrpt st!io.
AiJ VE 71 & 5 M EtiTS.
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Announcements, ja in advance.
llattar,v ol Kathleen llavuiiriici-n.
Mile, ritieus, in a concert at Plymouth,
England, in response to an encore gave
the well-known song “Kathleen Ma
vourueen.” Iu noticing thi* a Lo-aI pa
pers says : “ The author of ‘Kallileeu
Mavourneeu’ was Mj. Crouch, a Ply
mouth music master, who received lor
the copyright a £1 note. He Leli the
tow n a quarter ot a century ago-. Exact
ly a year ago Mile. Titiens, being in New
'ik, gave ‘Kathleen Mavourneen’ as
an encore, the only time she did so w hile
in the States. It excited a furor of ap
plause, and. when it had subsided she
was told that sonic man, presumed to W
a lunatic, was fighting his wav over the
barriers from the pit to the Hies (it was
in the Opera House), saying he was de
tcimined to-speax to litiens. Tlieprima
donna told them to let him eouie in.
On- entering iie burst into tears.sobbing
out ‘OIi, Mile. Titiens, I never before
heard my song sung as you have just
sung it” ‘Your song!’ was the reply,
‘ why, you are not Crouch, surely?’ * I
am, indeed,’ rejoined the poor old com
poser ; ‘ and I felt I must thank you mv
-e!i. Crouch had. scraped together the
two d(ilars lor a pit seat, little thinking
to hear his now famous song made the
most telling morceau of the night.”
Tlw (•.-tine or Life.
Man’s life is a game of cards. First it
is “ cribbage-.” Next he tries to “go it
alone,” at a sort of“eirtbliiiflle and deal”
pace. Then he gambols “on the green.”
rhen lie “ raises” the “ duee” when his
mother “ takes a hand in,” and contrarv
to Hoyle, “ beats the Lttle joker with her
five.” Then with his “diamonds” he
wins the “queen of hearts.” Tired of
" playing a sn.gfle hand” he expresses a
desire to “assist” Ids fair “partner,”
“ throws out his cards,” and the clergy
man makes a ten-dolhrr bill out him
“ o-n a pair.” Like a “knave” be joins
the “clubs,” where he often gets “high,”
which is “low tooi” If he keeps“straight”
he is often times “ flush.” He grows old
and “bluff,” sees a- “ deal” of trouble,
when at last be “ shuffles” off his mortal
coil and “ passes in his cheeks,” and he
is “ raked in” by a “spade.” Life’s fitful
"game” is ended,and he awaits the sum
mons ofGabaiel’s “trump” which shall
“ order him up.”
A ilc-.is:less Wajjsiet.
Prof. Smyth was once lecturing on*
Natural Philosophy, and the course of’
Carrington’s most powerful magnets.with
which he attracted a block of iron from
a distance of two feet.
“ Can any of you conceive it greater at
tractive power?” the lecturer demanded*
“J ken!” answered a voice from the
audience.
“ Not a natural terrestial object?”
“ Yaas, sir.”
The Professor challenged the man who
had spoken to name the thing.
Then up rose old Seth Win Jet. lie
was a genius iu this original.
Said fie:
“I ken give ye the facts, squire, and
you can judge for yourself. When I
were a young man, tliar were a little
piece o’ naterai magnet, done up in kali
kerand dimity, as was called Betsy Jane.
She could draw me fourteen miles every
Sunday. Sakes alive!; it were just as.
naterai as sliding down hill. Thar,
wa’n’t no resistin’ her. That ere mag
o’ yourn is pooty good, but ’aint a cir
cumstsnce tothe ons ’at drawed me.”
One of the nu>. ingenious adaptions
of science to modern warfare hits been
accomplished by General Chazel, the
late Belgian minister of war. A camera
obscura securely protected is arranged
in such a place thar.ou a ta’ple in the
interior may be throw the image of a
river which is protected by torpedoes,
the position of each tewrpebo being accu
rately marked oj> a map spread out on a
table-, which precisely corresponds to the
raf'ratted image of the river. In case
the riverLs invaded by a hostile vessel,
the operator sees the vessel’s image mov
ing silently over the map until it covers
a spot which indicate the station of a
torpedo; as each torjx/do is carefully
numbered, the operator lias but to locu
tion the number to ids watchful assist
ant. who quickly closes the circuit, and
in another in-iant the eiectrie spark ex
plodes the torpedo beneath the vessel.
If the first torpedo fails, the vessel can
scarcely escape all that underlie her
course.
Tax >ot ice !
I will be at the following places to
receive the tax returns of Oglethorpe
county, for the last lime, aud respectfully
ask all to meet me promptly, as I don’t
wish to return any as defaulters;
Antioch, Monday, June IT.
Crawford, Wednesday, June Id.
Woodstock, Frida;/, June Id.
Ilairdstown, Saturday, June 16.
Amis’ null. Tuesday, June lit.
Simstoo, Wednesday, June 20.
Phillip’s store, Thursday, June 21.
Glade, Friday, June 22.
Sandy Cross, Saturday, June 23, a. m.
Maxevs, Monday, June 25.
Wolfskin, Tuesday, Juih 2<i.
Reuverdam, Wednesunv, Juno 27.
Pleasant Hiil, Thursday. June 2*.
James J. Green’-* Friday, June 2i>.
I will also be at Lexington Tuesday. •>,
Saturday. 9, and Saturday, .jwh of June.
James T. htovt* 1 R