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ONCE AND AGAIN. I saw two children intertwine Their arms about each other, Like the little tendrils of a vine About fts nearest brother; And ever and anon, As gayly they ran on, Each looked into the other’s face, Anticipating an embrace. I marked those two when they were men: I watched them meet one day; They touched each other's hands, and then Each went on his own way. There did not seem a tio Of love, tho lightest chain, To make them turn a lingering eye, Or press the hand again. A STITCH IN TIME. BY 11C11,11 A. COPKI.AN D. It started with the black and white exhibition last year. 1 was going through slopped with my Uncle Mark, and wc In front of a picture labeled “ 1 he Chemist,” and I asked uncle what he thought of it. I had been working down nt the School of Mines myself for about the past month, hut had said nothing tt to Cncle Mark. “I hate the sight- of all of them. cried flic old gentleman, irascibly. “Since my aunt doped apothecary's with a young clerk, whipper- thirty snapper of an years ago, and brought disgrace destroy to our family, 1 feel my Augers itch to alt their drugs and v.lainous compounds I heard you talking last summer about taking up something of th«>kmd Mark and if you had, you < than i.ivc > will * drfllars . be thousand poorer you now. I d not have h you c , * not a penny, sir. m I' v ’ 11 - always been gentlemen, and 1 should be sorh, sir, to see one of them become a syruo-mixer. uncle, there great . deal . , of , “But, chemist ui a and drug difference between a a store clerk. Every great scientific man m ist understand chemistry, ami even “ I Wt you tell me, sir. I know ’em all, sir. these chemists are all alike, T “why •We.?,” didn I t replied, you say meekly something giving U> me in about it at the time. i hen fearfu lest ho might find menu, »' < • might have gone on and become 'hem ist for all you said nuout it then “ I don’t want to influence you Mark. Y on can go ami do as you p ease or any thing 1 shall say. I have no authority over you, and dm. t want any. Only I dull, t intend to leave my money to any apothecary, This pleasant, sir. the least! was to say firmly resolved to leave U.e school of mines KiHtantcr. J had taken it upon .lie sly, intending to surprise my friends by jlio discovery of a new metal or some such exploit. 1 always washed my hands in weak acid before leaving thelabora tory, ami changed u y clothes and had hitherto gone on undetected. Ho 1 fell slmlfgo "“yOu way business' I'uele," 1 fan sai.l, “I think I info you lecom mend me to any one of your business ac quaiutanccs? 1 shou d like to commence ** Uncle Mark Tookcd very much pleased. “ That’s right, in* 1 II ace w ust ’ 11 ° I ■ while, 1 see would 1 *'«’l v * ,r K _ 1 there and 1 bo cruel to keep you away from her any longer, dine with so au .cvo this r Mark. Come and uu evening," and the kind old gentleman slippcd off in a moment. . Miss Met <regors 1 - v S1 ," sue !\ ‘o, . s standing there looking at 1 he them- . 11 * “ Well, Miss Flora," i said, “ wlrat do you think orf it?" Hho turned quickly and stretched out her hand. “ Good-morning, Mr. Hepworth,” sho cried, You smiting. all startled?” 1 said, “ were not at holding her hand such a svroot little hand, that it waa a positive pain to lot it ( i Mid yet you aid not hear mo come up?" ‘“No,” said she, letting her hand still lie in mine; “but it seemed so natural to have you standing there.” and then she suddenly blushed, and drew her hand out of uiv vigorous grasp. “ That is," she added, “ 1 mean tU&t that l him was growiug rosily red, so 1 came to Her rescue “ You mean, Misi Flora,” l said, with a 'tint attempt at jocoseness, “ that 1 have inflicted myself on you so much lfttely that you have come to look on me ns an inevitable, although tiresome have in culms. Well, 1 admit that 1 hauuted jour steps very much lately, ami if it annoys you, you must semi me paeking. I don't wonder that you be come awfully bored.” “ 1 did not iu; an that, Mr. Hepworth, ” she said,hastily. is Mr. “Miss Flora, my name not Hepworth," looked I interrupted. little astonished She at me a “ Your name is not Mr. Hepworth?" My “ No. That is, not to you. name is Mark, Miss Flora, if you please. “ But 1 don’t p ease," she said, with a pleasant little laugh. “That is —not yet Why, 1 have only known you for k half-year! But to change the subject, are you going to Mrs. De Morris-Brown's next Tuesday night ?” “I haven't been naked that I know or,” said 1, sadly. “1 don't know Mrs. Brown.” “But your uncle could get you an in vitation “Miss if you wish 1 shall one. be there 1 am going.” if 1 have Flora, card, to ask Mis. Brown myself looking for a But I see your mother ia anx iously for you. Hhall l take you toUor? Till Tumalay night then, au revotr. “Good bye. she said and then, u she «r.v Jut motfac. s back turned. Maik ' “I shall thank . , you for , that Tuesday night, 1 said, laughing Arter the McGregors had driven off 1 started to go down to t ate Muk s, but concluded to'take a farewell visit to the laboratory. 1 had become quite attached to the place, and felt quite a pang at the idea of giving np my m.igoo-iuixiug I dev idol to make one more analysts, and then give it up foreve, “That evening >.l dinner 1 nele Mark said : “l ,.„Lc to Mr. . Share about , von. M:rk Y ou boon the firm. l«eat bro-er age business in ino city: Hhare. linker A* Co. 1 told him you would see him at -- Mr*. I*e Morris Brow ...on yourself.’ Tuesday night, aad sou could apeak for ‘A“ U t iiy h l ;e ' Y *^Yon • hftTen'tf M M S Brown Yon lift n . WeH ■ I'll get vou a On lues-lay “n” i“v l7nUhi 1 uni Uiumy mv analysis, .na vrir^t I had to week till pretty late. I hurried to my room anil commenced to “'s looked at lire re ectn n in the g ass an, BMfli in siia wHi.t it" - tory bow. and I they was rather were tu ^. frightened, rr . 1 au but . I and°'ls‘to e rtnStfiS Dc Morris Brown's when Flora and Old Share wore to be there—impossible. The 1 looked at my hands. stains were pretty bad (my forefinger looked like a well-used, unscrapod palette), but they did not extend above my wrist. My gloves would hide them. I looked at the clock. I was late already, so I hur¬ ried ou the rest of my things and started to pull 1 heard on my suspicious gloves. As crack. I jerked I them on a exam ined tho tear, but flattered myself it wouldn't show, and hurried into the cab, and was soon in the gentleman's cloak room at Mrs. Brown’s. I found Uncle Mark growled, waiting for me. “Ah, Mark,” ho “I thought you were never You’ll coming. Fifteen roin utea late! never get on with Mr. Share unless you’re punctual. Punctu¬ ality and neatness are his two great hob¬ bies, and if you run against either you can make up your mind to stay on his black-book forever. Come down and I’ll present you to Mrs. Brown.” After the presentation, Uncle Mark looked around the room, “I don’t see Share,” he said, “but there is Miss McGregor, and you can talk ^ j, er un tj) j find him.” j went over to Flora. She was talking [o Lieutenant Evans, a confounded idiot w j 1() wa3 always hanging about her, and hadn't sense enough to see that she dis liked him. “Well, Miss Flora, I obtained the card, as y 0 u gce Cord evening, lieutenant; have you seen General Sherman?” Parting “No. Is he here to-night? said Evans, up. „j think j gaw him in the ballroom,” gai( j j and whnn Evang w(mt in |h(U dir(Jction , gaid . “Mow Miss Flora, ’ he let us gain tho and conservatory , )efor eomcsback,” 1 hurried her toward the door through which tho dark green e ualms beckoned so . . . I went too fast, how ^ fo /'j gtnjck my foot against a vino, or something * and 1 went down ntlMswftlk , t out my ' hand to ^ k fal , did 80I ewU at ( but confoimdod rip *. in my glove ex d(J( , now down th ri ght side of my ’"too°I hdp therelaujhing it) '-"she apologized. vigorously, ( . a)A ,} ffi&K (o haye retri lltion overta Ue you, so well u is g0 ri diculous that I have to laugh.” I arose, a little sulky, & and rather flur fbd , Uu , accident lov b ut I didn’t succeed very well. That was ^ ^ , cftgj| fault . However, She laughed 1 changed alto f h() ,„ bjoct and wo walked along, talk , ^ about tho black and white exhibition th(j varioi|> pictllrL . Si meritorious and otherwise. 1 kept < my ' right “ hand with ^ injur(;d ^ , in ockot . ,, M Mc (; r(n ,or- -Flom," 1 said sud ‘ , , ... WlU^youTallc™ ft fo me , „ , do to keep f throwing myself at your feet and t( ,„ how much I loved you. 'Dear ' , took ber soft little hand jn ray hoartil (wo big onog) .. you know , i,ic lovo Y ou v ’ w {' f ? al1 " oul ' 8 .° ' - ^ . ^ . t ’ thnt , d gorao si ? you loved „ iat lovo cou d ca » forth a little ^ •»««»« let me hid'‘cipher oy!‘s down demurely wreathed when I began, and her face was in blushes, but now she interrupted mo wHh hrart , of laughter, and her £ riveted on her hand so . , I followed her g)|U)C0 oh> lu> rrors! That confouud ,«d glove 1 The empty kid forefinger dangled down, and my discolored rain bow-lined finger protruded background. prominently wUh (hc B ,,, )t lvss glove as with its when 1 stood there glaring rage, tho voice of Lieutenant Evans broke in ou us. “I’ve found you at last, Miss Flora. This is our waltz. What is the. joke? Cuwu't you let me enjoy it, too. Mr. Hepworth is an awful wag, I know." llow I got. away l don’t know, but as 1 was trying to elbow my way to the cloak room, an elderly gent 'email planted himself in front of mo and said: “This is Mr. Hepworth, isn’t it! Your uncle recommended you to me and asked , , me to speak to you Bernard about a place Share," in and our olflco. 1 am Mr. he held out his hand to me gravely, Boluciantly 1 drew that hideous hand Bom behind mo and shook hands with him. This was tho man who insisted on neatness! He started at thc sight of the spotted linger, of course, and 1 tried to explain tho matter nonchalantly by say “ig : “Don’t think I have smallpox, or have been putting my linger in a paint-pot. The fact is. I left tho Inbratory late this afternoon, too late to remove some chem icais which I spilled on mv hand, and a split in my glove has disclosed what 1 flattered myself I could keep hidden.” “Yes, you young scoundrel, you have been hiding it n long while,” said a voice behind me. Unelo Mark, ot course; he had come up to introduce mo, and had overheard me. “Share, I withdraw my recommendation of this young man, as I am now convinced that ho is a liar, and a sneak then turning to me he said: “And I wish you to understand, sir, that 1 am no relative of your’s after this, 1 have no nephew. You hear me, Share, 1 don't know tho. young man.” “I had already decided that he would not do for me,” replied Mr. Share, I got away from that miserable place nseoon as I could, and 1 have decided not to leave the laboratory,in fact.ehera retry is the only thing left for me now since 1 lost a legacy, a place iu business, and the girl 1 loved, and all by a ripped glove! —TY.i.A ingtan Hatchet. ......... A Remarkable Woman. ^’j Aco ^^.S'woman, , , v ,, vw 1 L srien- ‘ tret, ... and linguist, says he . c«■ ?e ... l ilas *ucomp*n ed husband in all his travels and U « dv voted and learned arc), aoiog.st. She is an English i man, quite > ou *c“ ■ 1 spiritual rather than a handsome fa During their lonely journeys in Yucatan forests-trs l.e I ongeou wore a ways a bloomer costume and earned her rifle ami revolver, bhe is a dead shot and ex ic.iaquueax |ert , "“ ler can raliTlrHe, or make I'hotonmph. s, ho is inmanner shy, modest, but with h. t .. n a , and adorable scf possess o \i tot i which the charms of the most charm ng woman are im,ienb-d At the Erne Dr. I.e l 1- ngeon and U.s wife discovered the reum of'fhe! BvTf^lexLo 'rstitions. rti. i, hidrin guards revolted, being sup and no* S. want Mdin? the S'a-ue to le removed f«a. * Mrs U Fbm geon. with rifle-and , re «o!w, , kept , , he ut .ans a_ .iv u . e-p v • mom • * a^eonstant >u uXl , Sutributor'tortie and and v a . . . , • t j pi .a ,, Madrid and to scientific pub * u m ul FEMININE READERS Unking Her Debut. “How do you feel?” The question was put by a fond mam ma to her debutante daughter as they entered the hall, writes a New York cor respondent, and I carried the reply in my mind only until I could get into an ante room to write it down, so well did it reveal the gad artificiality which lash ion imposes on a mere child. “Oh, I’m awfully afraid I’m not look ing my best,” said the young creature, “and I'm so nervous that I shake like an overbred terrier. I am going to be awk ward—I know I am, and I shall make a failure.” That sense of self-exhibition in a child that ought to have been a careless rymaker! Doubtless she had been in strict training for the event, like a pu¬ gilist for a fight. Hard lessons in danc¬ ing and deportment, ardous drilling in the art of small talk, much practice of facial expression before her mirror, and tedious experiences with a dressmaker, had brought her into condition for what —so she had been led to believe—was a most serious feat. Do you suspect that I am exaggerating? Why, I personally know of a case in which a delicate and, girl, h iving been trained down too fine, therefore, liable to he worn instead of fresh in appearance, was sent to a Tur kish bath in the afternoon of the debut, where sho was steamed, sprayed and rubbed; after which she was put to bed at home for a sleep of two hours, with the result that she finally showed her nlf in a state of revivification resembling the bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked health of a milkmaid. Wonttarful Women. The feats of Lulu Hurst, says the Chi¬ cago Inter-Ocean, fall into insignificance beside those of Madame Gobert.who laid ziaim to no other power than uncommon physical strength. This women, who is described as possessing a remarkably beautiful face and form, appeared first before thc public at St. Bartholomew fair, in London, in 1818. Her achievements astonished all who beheld them. She carried weights equal to 2,010 which pounds, lifted a heavy table on several persons were seated with her teeth, sup¬ ported an anvil weighing 100 pounds forged on her chest, while a blacksmith a horseshoe upon it,and afterward tied her long hair about the anvil and swung it about. The Georgia girl’s chair feat was a favorite one with Madame Gobert, and it is noteworthy that in the case of each woman this was tho first branch of their performances attacked by skepticism. public Whether, as was charged, her performances were made up largely doubt of trickery, there appears to be no that she was extraordinarily strong. On one occasion while traveling her coach sank into the mire and resisted all efforts of the horses. Descending, the female 3ainson easily extricated the vehicle, and proceeded on her journey amid the ap¬ plause of a large crowd of common peo¬ ple, with whom her popularity continued for years. Derbyshire had a strong woman whom London managers vainly tried to coax from her vocation of breaking horses. This was Miss 1’hasbe Brown, spinster, round and ruddy, who walked like a man and preferred a man’s labor. She could easily walk forty or fifty miles in a work¬ ing day, and could carry fourteen stone with case. A few other strong women lire traceable through magazine of mighty litera¬ ture, hut a virtual monopoly enjoyed thighs and sinews has ever been by the male sex. Wmnrn in Texas. K-ssrs goof is a great deal of native intelligence and The thinking. tho well-to-do women among indoors, classes appear to live mostly Even in cities very few are seen on tho street or in tho stores. They arc not as often rosy cheeked as tho men, hut much oftenor powdered. Living with doors and windows open a largo part of thc year, and in houses all, tho year that let in the air on every side, it seems strange that they do not look fresher. At one place, whore thc railroad missed tho town a mile, and ull the stores had been taken to thc depot, wo asked how they got to tbo stores through the mud. “Oh, wo never go; the men go on horseback, and they do the soemonbuy- buying.” So it is not uncommon to ing dress goods, stockings, and other ar¬ ticles for women's wear. Good help is scarce, and the women usually do tho housekeeping m a few rooms, more beds every m one it. °, f ihur timidity JVJS ° n ,® is ^ so great that they object to two-story houses because the wind blows l or recreation many dip snuff and lead stories. Among the poorer Classes women work in and the_ picking holds at are cotton done by hand, and J.’ .what 0 ^ one man can plant and ..low sovera hands are required to hoc and |mk Bu L. a !' Ing cotton is clcan famwork d here arc nolb rums to sciatch, nor }iuce to stain tho hands. The stooping is tiresome, but iess than picking straw bur vs ( luldren are va , ; b e ekenc 1 -cmg nimble and of suitable height, fielmo seen little gnh. who> had 1,1 "■ * of pounds, " lth s inBoo " e ' s *“' “‘‘ °‘ in the hot sun, who . were not tanrnd a d at all. In ye ms when the crop good wages are high, and many well to do women go out and P' 1 * art' paid by the hundred pounds. li oaua < Journal. Female ilenniy. adcserinrionVf , writer "in Lorn! on Truth female IhTLoXnth bevutv in a book published W i/ in c, nturv “To the absolute form of a woman's Face f.ire white forehead marked with no wrinkles or lines longer than that of il.owt man’s tVc'temreles i« and drawiusr to a round “ e “ '*® ut I^.TwhVre that U -cems to ~ tumor or of clbbositv sadness’ or any ,-toud Uotu . no no went) severity « l I ‘ « d t .]egmt v^t to U-hold A A httl' h,, nu.uih « me or what shmt. f've... and in number just ” e “ SrThCwl n ,,i thin nnrinn hard closed JT € ‘ little dreiovned ‘ ” ,'. a >°. 1 l'J°heriwicc .. ., e ; !!g . orTiXth discovered . ^ uo. unmoved ‘ bp' ^h^ bpTthus n r brio de^rihe nor suck her ' t add a wonderful grace and dignity to a woman's visage. "the Neither is the nose to -w omitted, honor and ornament , ol the ,k, which retires n!s the ££ out ! strait ’ cleanc with certain obtuseness a , u t e h,u the ho es of the nostril* small, | A round, smooth, whereof pill'd ot smooth introduce chin, »t. e candor seems to i into the beholder’s mind but a certain suspi \ St cion of a Rose colour, no tract at nor «T wtueotion of haire is to ' seen neither on the lips or chin. A small, short, purple tongue most cer¬ tainly doth become a woman, which is vet scarce or never been, the tip scarce appearing while she speaks; the Eyebrows ought to be black subtile disjoyned, black soft and sweetly arched. Somewhat eyes, declining to smallness, conclave, rolling, laughing, pleasant, and shining, The Balls of the Cheeks round, alto gether void of haires, fleshie, rosie, and ■ resembling the red Sunshine Apples theTem- of Autumne. Above these remains j pies, which ought to be no less white than the Forehead, and without suspi cion of any bones, yet not swoln or de pressed, but in a manner a little scarce; Ears graven, somewhat short, soft and delicate, aspersed with the delucid col our of Hoses. The whole head rather little than great, more round than a . man’s, comely, erect, and elevated.” raHliion Xfotea. All shades of brown are trimmed with „ 0 *j d ! Turkish , sashes are popular for slender il o urei - Fur-lined circulars havethe . high , effect _ , on thc shoulders. Tan and ruby are to be the favorite colors in the spring, Steel and silver tinsel are used for trim¬ ming gray materials. ; Fur is considered more desirable for cloak trimming than plush. Pink in all shades is the Parisian pas «on of the passing moment, Flowered cashmeres have designs in beautiful soft and pale colors, Cream lace worked with lilac flowers relief makes a charming skirt. Blnck surah is used for home wear and is trimmed wiili jet velvet or lace. Yellow is coming into fashion again as wheel and body color for private cur riages. of Skirts trimmed with deep flounces lace have only a narrow pleating at the bottom. Plain and brocaded foulards are trim¬ med with Spanish lace dyed to match the silk. Insects continue to he worn, A gold brooch is the perfect semblance of a Brobdingnagian locust. Front draperies must be either very long or very short, Those of medium length are not in style. Short evening dresses are made very full and have two loose breadths puffed the so that they are no longer than skirt. Yellow is fashionable for evening wear, and is now worn by many women to whom it is anything but becoming. One has to have a very clear fair skin, or a clear dark skin, to look well in yellow, of any shade. An extravagant fancy, which does not result in a pretty costume, is the use of a cashmere shawl to form the waistcoat and front and side breadths of a dress, thc other parts being of line real India cashmere or chudda cloth. Lace ball dresses have skirts covered with flounces from the waist to the foot, no draperies, bodices of satin or broche, profusely trimmed with lace, and lace j sleeves to the elbow, or no sleeves to speak of, only a puff and shoulder strap of laco. Brides go to the altar with one hand uncovered. The glove is carried in the right hand with the boquet of loose, long-stemmed white roses and foliage. Bridesmaids carry floral fans, or baskets, swung from the left arm by broad satin ribbons. Jewelry in which are set small stones 1 sx are cm imbedded m the gold, while large gems “ rC All A f shades of brown beige, ecru and , cream, full shades of sapphire and tur quoiso blue, wine reds, silks, and but black will be found in spring no more terra cotta, brick, or artistic half shades of sage and cress green, or other so called [Esthetic colors, j The reason shot silks than are worn America more in is England and France the difference iu in the social on account of and domestic life of women on this and thc other side of thc water. The after noon teas of the English and the cere j monious visits of tho Ereuch toilets women than de niand drossier after noon afternoon calls, receptions, and “days at homo ” in New York, h Greyhound ,, s , Long , Leaps. c (ai n Ed. Murphy has a beautiful bound ]t 0 ccntly Captain Murphy paid a visit to relatives at Urbana and hjj Lound along for thc p urp0 se of , mvin£; n ]iu]e 8port [ ln compa ny with somc of his fl .j CI dg h e went out thirty-three hunting, alld near a i #nc w bich was {(jet wWc #nd bordered on both sides bv a stake and aider fence, got up a . The hound fe gave chase and the labl)lt ruu ut fence. The first i„ mp the hound made it cleared twenty ® . ovcr ono of ,l.e fences ^ t IandJn ” iu , he 1;me- Without anv limin , lr m0t j 0 n it made the second leap and covered the immense distance ij clearing the fence on the ot rs ide of the lane. There was a beavv j a n 0 f snow, and it was therefore an easy matter to determine the distance ■ the dog's feet iu prints dis(ance of Measured ^ ^ xvas ^ Cg jn Murphv a nd three others who Witnessed the remarkable feat, and their ^ made it ns mentioned above.— Cincinnati Bnquirer. A Boy Who Eats Wool. A New London, Conn., boy, aged five, eats all tho woolen and worsted threads cymes across. worsted He picks the nap from blankets and the from the chair tides, and it is hardly required to state that he is in a consiaut condition of ill health, llis affectionate mamma does not know what to cover him w ith when she puts him in his little bed. His appe titc re excellent, and he eats holes through the blanket in no time. In the parlor #nd , itting room . v.hen he manages to enter those apartments, he makes the tidies and curtains look as if an army of Mhltal bteut sort. The only sure way to cure him would be to nad lock his month and encase his bands in short iron gloves. But if they let him alone and can afford the expense for among^^the awhile, such food wilt soon send him ° angels. ” -PkdadHghia Progress, -- Value of a Ton of Gold. One ton , >,000 pounds avoirdupois) of gold or therefore, silver contains thc value 29. of US troy- ounces, of and, a ton pure gold is $502.799.21, and a ton of sitver, 537 704 84 A runic foot ot pure gold weighs 1.218.75 pounds avoirdupois; weighs *35.*5 a pounds cubic foot of pure *Tver One million dollars gold coin weighs 3.6.-5 8 pounds avoirdupois; SI,000,000 silver con. .—VeJrnical weighs 58,939.9 EncinU pounds avoir dttoois GUYING A TEA TASTER. Combining tor an Audience and Profit for <l>e Victim. “I knew a case of guying that once saved a poor chap from starvation and kept him on his feet for a whole year,” said one of a group of newspaper men ings who were exchanging “And afforded yarns a amusement few even¬ ago. it beside for a whole town and made the victim a happy man. It occurred in a small city in Southwestern Ohio, that I then had occasion to visit every day. In my visits I fell in at the hotel with an impecunious tea-taster, whom I had known in his better days some years be¬ fore in Cincinnati, and who took occa¬ sion to register every day with a hu,ge flourish as Professor William Hancock Cluff, F. L. T. S., late of Dublin, Ire¬ land. I understand that the initials stood ‘Fellow of the Royal Tea Society,’ whatever that may be, He had been unfortunate in business, and, in this lit¬ tle city was trying to eke out a living by buying a few pounds of different kinds of tea from retail dealers, mixing them so as to improve their flavor, as none but an expert can and peddling door. the mixture from door to But there was no money in it, and one day when I reached the hotel had been I was tired, not surprised to find that he with a considerable bill left to his debit. In pity for him I brought him in to his dinner every day while somebody else kindly furnished him lodging. The poor fellow was flat on his back and could neither get anything to do or getaway from town. “Professional tea-tasting is said to weaken the mind, and in this man it ap¬ peared simply to have made him soft and retained to its full depths his vilgin honesty. Well, I couldn’t afford to pay double' board bill, and a plan of relief suggested itself as he unbosomed to me his sorrows. IIo believed that he was capable of delivering an interesting lec¬ ture on tea, and I concluded to encourage him in it and began to help him. Gazette, I an¬ nounced it next day in the making use of his full name as it appear¬ ed in the register, and repeated the name gravely two or three times in the item. He was delighted and the town was grinning. I got some young fellows to engage the largest hall in the city and go security lor printing the tickets. Meanwhile I was adding new and attrac¬ tions to the programme pub¬ lishing them every few days. Among them was a deaf and dumb fellow known as Dummy Wiles,a noted character about town, and a capital mimic in his way. The tickets went off with astonishing rapidity, and between 700 and 800 were sold at twenty-five cents each. For the night of the lecture we had twelve young society men ranged on the stage in full evening dress as patrons. The professor was beside himself with glory, but needed something better than his seedy suit to make a proper appearance on the rostrum. He was a very small, lightly built man, about forty-five years of age, with a thin face, ornamented with the hugest and reddest beak that any cari¬ caturist ever devised. AVo fitted him out in a full dress suit belonging to and the tallest and fattest man in town, adapted the garments to his size by half a dozen rolls at tho lower end of the pantaloons, but we couldn’t get the sleeves to remain rolled, and they con¬ tinually slipped down over his fingers. For a necktie a lady at the hotel kindly loaned a huge scarf, of flaming red satin. On the whole, he was immeasur¬ ably proud cf his rig. Nobody felt like presiding, and the professor con¬ cluded to do it himself. The hall was densely crowded, and with an audience composed mainly of the best citizens of the place. Preceding the raising of the curtain a fine young musician, who was anxious to appear before an audience, and had innocently brought liis own parlor organ into the hall, played Mendelssohn’s wedding march, and the audience was consequent¬ ly all right until the curtain rose. After it arose one of the patrons, introduced Dummy Wiles to the professor, and a funny tableau occurred right imagined at the be¬ ginning. The professor had him to lie on elocutionist, and after a lot of whispering, loud cnoagh to he heard by the whole audience, and to which Dum¬ my responded only by nods of his head, the professor stepped forward and an¬ nounced: ‘Ladies and gentleman, I have the honor to introduce to you Professor Dummy Wiles, a noted elocutionist, and I am told a good comic singer and cari¬ caturist.’ “The performance can’t be depicted. Between Dummy’s imitating all the pub Lie characters in the audience and poking f un a t the professor and the professor’s attempts to read his stupid continuous lecture, the audience was kept in a roar, The professor took every roar as one of ; ! applause and a compliment to himself, and thc unbounded happiness and self¬ ] satisfaction his face showed furnished continuous occasion for more. About 10 o’clock, when everybody was sore from laughing, tlic professor performance still came struggling to a close with the to read his lecture.” “How did it pan out with the profes sort” : “He was able to straighten himself up neatly; bought a new suit of clothes, paid part of his hotel bill, and had $35, or $40 left. Other towns took the thing up, but in a much rougher way. Still he made money while it lasted, and the professor felt that in his old age he was on the very high road to success.” “But what became of him?” “The last I heard of him was that dur ing the winter following he drifted to Indianapolis, where the poor fellow died in the poor-house. ’—Detroit Free Press. A $20,000 Bible. Describing a sale of valuable books, the London Standard, of that city, says: Next came the celebrated Mazarin Bible, described in the catalogue as follows: Bitilia Sacra Latina e \ ersione et cum Pradationc, S. Ilieronymi, two volumes, the first edition of thc Bible, and the ear Best book printed with metal types, by the inventors of printing, splendidly bound in blue morocco, a magnificent copv folio, Fine Nota Sed circt Moguntite, per J. Gutenburg et J. Fust, 1450 53. This excessively rare edition, of which a copv sold in the Perkins sale for £2,690, j h « been designated as the Mazarin Debure j Bible ever since the discovery by of a copv in the library of Cardinal Mazarin' It is printed in double col umns, in large letters similar to those used by the scribes for church missals and choral books, and for firmness of paper, brightness of ink and exact uni formitv surged of impression it Has never been by any ether work. This re markable was started at £o00 and then a brisk competition took place be tween Mr. Qnaritch and Mr. Snowden. the suctioneer s clerk, for its possession. At £3,100 Mr. and Snowden dropped took out of it the bidding some Qu.-iritcbi one else secured up. but eventually Mr. amidst cheers. treasure for £3,900 --“ 1 -- In the English-speaking countries of J the world there are 11,000,000 Roman Catholics and 8S.000.000 Protestants. SAFE DEPOSIT VAULTS. Where Gotham'* Va*t Fortunes are Stoned Away. The vast fortunes in stocks and bonds of the millionaires of this city are not stored in the brown-stone dwellings of the avenue. The thin walls, black wal¬ nut doors, and easily picked locks of those houses would oiler iittie resistance against the violence of a mob. ilie davs when skilful cracksmen could cap¬ ture large quantities of valuable property in rich men’s homes have almost passed away. Taught by experience or admon¬ ished by example, persons with portable seek valuables have been forced to places of storage and security. Within nearly the last dozen of years there have sprung up in answer to that demand buildings of massive structure and ex ceptional strength. All that inventive genius could discover or money command has been employed and bur- to render these places fire glar proof. There are many of them scattered through the city. from YYall street to Harlem, all agreeing in their main features of massive strength and inspiring solidity. These are known as safe deposit vaults. They usually occu¬ py the ground floor of some staunch fire¬ proof structure, and the mass of locks, bars, bolts, combinations, and burglar- wonder¬ resisting contrivances is really ful. the A description of one up town near centre of the city will answer for the rest. Entering from the street you pass up to a wall of solid steel bars, every bar as thick as a man’s wrist, and twelve or fifteen feet high. These are firmly fastened to each other and into the stone floor, and across them is placed a stout wire screen. Two keen eyes sharply survey you from the interstices of the screen. If their owner is im¬ pressed favorably there is a clicking of locks, a rattling of holts, and slowly the ponderous iron gate swings back. Next you fall into the hands of the superin¬ tendent, who gives you another keen survey, and then unlocking an iron 1 wicket, ushers you into the vaults. wo massive doors, each nearly eight inches thick, stand ajar. Each of the three entrances is double doored and every door is secured by time and combina iocks and six large bolts of steel. Leaving the daylight with the outsida world and passing into the interior, the brightly burning gas jets re¬ veal a iow-ceiied, square apartment. and The floor is stone, iron, iron ce¬ ment; the ceiling is iron, and four walls are concealed behind four row's of iron safes. This is the treasure house of Vanderbilt. Human skill could not build it stronger; mortal genius has not welded steel and stone into a firmer com¬ bination. accustomed When one’s eyes become to the light of” this iron chamber one perceives that the surface of the walls is divided into little squares of various sizes. The depositor inserts a thin key of curious make in one of the squares. He begins to haul on the square, and it lengthens out into an oblong iron box, nearly three feet long, and divided into compartments. These boxes are movable and may be taken out and brought into a private room, where in the strictest privacy the contents of the box may be examined. Other safes are firmly fas¬ tened into the wall, and have changeable the combination locks. The locks of outside doors of the vaults arc both time and combination locks, and the time locks are so arranged that the doors, once closed, cannot be opened until 9 o’clock in the morning. Outside and inside at least a dozen persons are within hearing earshot, and could easily hear the slightest unusual noise. It is calculated that if by any accident the locks should all get out of order, it would require more than four days of constant labor to effect an entrance. These vaults contain almost every variety of valuable property—gold and silver coin, greenbacks, diamonds, and other precious stones, family plate, sil verware, jewelry, mementoes, bonds, deeds, and valuable papers of every description. Families breaking going up housekeeping and removing their or abroad, are obliged to store plate and valuables for safety’s sake. Mr. W. II. Vanderbilt has an immense amount of property stored in this way, and frequently goes to the vault to cut off the interest coupons on bis bonds with his own fingers, or to read the tally of his golden hoard in all the seclusion that this stone-steel vault can grant. Private papers of immense value lie there in perfect security. Lawyers use the little safes as depositories for important papers, and the key to many a bitter litigation is locked within those wal!s. Many fashionable ladies keep their jewels there, taking them out for an evening and putting them hack the next morning. "Watchmen guard the vaults within and without, and that all potent agent, electricity, nrotects them by ingenious systems of bells and alarms. Even should a mob set out to pillage and destroy the city, it would rage in vain against these ironclad structures. The companies generally guarantee the safety of goods left in their care, and charge only a few dollars a year for all this bolting, barring and unceasing vigi lence. A small box costs twenty or thirty dollars. Fvom that figure the rental of boxes runs up into the hundreds, but all have the same measure of pro¬ tection —-New York Sun. The Methods of Pickpockets. Purses and watches are the almost ex¬ clusive haul of the pickpocket, happen and ninety per cent, of these thefts in crowds. Many of the quarrels to be heard in the streets of London are got up entirely for the purpose of collecting crowds for the pickpockets simply to with work their in. Some thieves operate hands, but others use a knife or razor, in order to cut through coats and dresses, and especially to get the purses from ladies. The emptied trouser pocket crowd of by a man slitting can easily be in 3 down tire scam with a razor, hooking the instrument into the aperture, and saw¬ ing from -within outward. A thief will often do his work with an overcoat on his arm to hide the movements of his hand; this especially and in the handkerchiefs omnibus or train. Newspapers this and with are also used for purpose, the help of the latter it is common for scarf pins to be stolen. “Excuse me, sir, you have some dust on your neck,” savs the thief to the victim, and in pre tending to bru-h off the dust he re moves the pin bv 'When grasping it through the handkerchief. a watch is stolen it is generally separated bv grasping the instrument itself in one hand, and the r in<r thereof between the thumb and fin ger of the other, and then giving a sharp twist so that a tinv steel pin gives way the and falls, the watch being taken and chain left hanging. Ins.necter Shaw wears a watch that is fastened to its ring with a tough gold screw, and se cures it with an india-rubber circlet, and he tells the present writet that if the^e precautions were generally taken there would be few more watch rob beries .—Pali Ma'l Gazette. A SONG OF THE SEASONS. In the spring the young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, And, assisted by young Cupid, makes some girl his “ turtle-dove.” In the summer then he takes her to each pic¬ nic in the glade, And to all moonlight excursions which are on the steamers made. In the fall he spouts his gew gaws to obtain some ready cash, And proceeds to hops and parties with his charming female mash. In the winter she deserts him for a better looking swell, And he swears like any trooper when he hears their marriage-bell! —"Jef Joslyn." PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. The marriage write—The certificate. Going the rounds—Climbing a ladder. A bad sign—A forged signature.— Post. A bachelor of arts—An accomplished lady-killer. Blind people cannot be carpenters, be¬ cause they never saw.— Waterloo Obser¬ ver. Bui wet was right; there’s no such word as fail. It is mollified into assign¬ ment .—Middletown Press. When music, heavenly maul, was young, While yet in early Greece she sung, The world was pleased to hear each air, ’Cause they’d no blamed piano there. —Siftings. “Poets are torn,” says a writer. So are other men, but when they get old enough they generally reform .—Boston Post. Yes, son, we call that kind of a hat a stovepipe, because it soots our clothes and makes such a draft—on our pockets. -.Life. A Madison street girl’s answer to the current conundrum: “Will the coming him.’, man work!” is: “ He will if I get — Wilmington Star. In Biblical days the foolish virgins neglected to put oil in their lamps. oil In our times the foolish virgins put on the fire —Norristown Herald. “There is many a slip ’twixt the couple and the lips,” sardonically paraphrased young kiss McDodd as he vainly essayed to his beat girl,— Hatchet. “What is laughter?” asks a scientist. It is what you don't hear when you find your wife sitting up for you after the club .—New York Graphic. A severe critic (innocently)—“Landscape! at a picture gallery: An old maid Nature, indeed 1 Why, it’s no more like nature than I am I”— Punch. An exchange says: “We spend schools.” nearly $100,000,000 per annum well on our We have Well, it is money spent. the best base-ball players in the world. —Norristown Herald. On the rollers accident he his glides happiness like the cars, But an mare; And so swiftly ho his sped, head, He sat Down on And he saw about ten million * *. —Norristown Herald. One who spoke United States only: “Did the deceased die under suspicious circumstances?” asked a coroner of a ru¬ ral witness. “Naw, he didn’t; he died in the water, under the ice.”— Provi¬ dence News. “Island high in Vermont?" asked a speculator of an old Green mountain farmer. “ Indeed it is!” was the reply. “If the trees warn’t so stunted the clouds couldn’t get by at all.”— Burling¬ ton Free Press. The Chattanooga Times contains an elaborate description of a machine for the manufacture of strawberry boxes. What the country will soon be suffering for is a quart strawberry box which will hold a quart of strawberries .—New York World. “Please had give me mouthful something in to eat, week.” I’ve not a wax’m a “ Here, my good replied man is the a plate cook. of “Hot nice hot soup for you, soup!” he howled. “Haven’t you got something else? This makes the fifth plate of hot soup I’ve had in the last hour. It is not healthy to put so much hot soup on an empty stomach.’' He—“But really, my dear, ju3t think how small my income is. Instead of buying a new dress, why not turn the old one?” She—“Turn the old one, indeed. Your income is plenty large enough if you do not spend it all at the club. You’d better do a little turning yourself.” He—“I? Why, what can I turn?" She—“Turn over a new leaf.’’ A German scientist says that the brain and spinal cord are conductors, “and hence a lightning injure stroke the on brain tire head beyond does not materially shattering the nerves and causing tempo¬ rary derangement.” This a sweet con¬ solation ; but all the same, during a thun¬ der storm, ninety-nine women out of a hundred will shut themselves up in a dark room or take refuge in a cellar. The old, old story: wrangler The Colonel— of “Yes, he was senior his year and she took a mathematical scholar¬ ship at Girton; and now they’re en¬ gaged!” Mrs. Jones—“Dear mo, how interesting! and oh, how different their conversation must be from the insipid twaddle of ordinary lovers!” Their con¬ versation: He—“And what would dovey do if lovey were to di'c?” SWj— “Oh, dovey would die too !”—London Punch. “ If you do not at once remit the $100 you owe our firm,” wrote a dun the other day to a delinquent debtor, “we shall be obliged to put the bill into “My the hands of a lawyer for collection.” dear sir," replied the debtor, urbanely, by the next post, “if you are happily acquainted with a lawyer who is able to collect $100 from me, I beg you to send him to me at once, for I shall be glad to employ him in my own interest.”— Chi¬ cago Tribune.. Showing Strangers Around. Standing near the desk of the Fifth Avenue hotel a day or two since, writes a New York correspondent, I saw a neat ]y dressed, g entlemanly man step up to the clerk and say : “ 1 want to see the town and am a stranger stopping here with you.” The clerk, without reply, turned and whistled for the bell-boy. ‘‘Call M—•” said the clerk. In a moment a large, good looking man, as well dressed as any gentleman on the street, appeared. The clerk introduced him to the person who wanted to see the sights of a great city. '■ Whatever this man does is all right,” said the clerk to him. “ He is our man and he knows the ropes.” The two stepped aside, talked in a subdued tone a moment, and then morning parted to I meet the again later. in The the next bar saw two men room drinking though selzer they water. had They both looked as made a night of it. All the great hotels keep good¬ looking, well-informed men to show a stranger around. It is a costly business to the visitor, hut any one coming to New York is willing to be seeing robbed, espe daily if he is bent on the ele phant.