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A SMILE AND A FRCWN.
Only a frown! yet It pressed a sting
Into the day which had been so glad;
The red rose turned to a senseless thing,
The bird song ceased with discordant ring,
And a heart was heavy and sad.
Only a smile! yet it cast a spell
Over the sky which had been so gray;
The rain made musio wherever it fell,
The wind sung the song of a marriage-bell
And a heart was light and gay.
—Emma C. Dowd.
A BACHELOR’S OWNER..
9k S Time is popularly
^ aged represented as with an
i man,
rQ flowing beard and
1 drapery of white,
m bearing in one
m hand an hour glass
m, and in the other a
soythe, so would I
conceive a figure
of Poverty, except
m that I would have
Gv* him carry a bill
or a sheriff’s at¬
tachment, signi¬
fying that it was not his province to
cut mo off at one merciful stroke, but
to worry and bore me to death by
continually ringing my doorbell and
thrusting the awful document before
my bloodshot eyes. Branton is of a
different mind.
“It is a misconception—a gross mis¬
conception," ho declared the other
night, resting his feet on the hand¬
some brass fender and gazing medita¬
tively into tho fire that glowed on the
hearth of his library. ‘ ‘Poverty should
be represented as carrying in one hand
a heart, aud in the other, perhaps, a
dart.”
“Or a fat purse,” I said to myself.
But my friend’s case is an unusual
one. Hie kindly conception of what
should be a grim, repulsive figure had
its origin, and not without reason, in
his own experience. With me it is
different. My financial condition has
changed but little since tho day we
received ray aunt’s hurried note an¬
nouncing that she had run down from
Newport with my cousin Lyvia, who,
by tho way, has not yet been intro¬
duced to society, and a charming girl
from San Francisco. To be frank, I
am still living in Holwood’s pleasant
apartment overlooking the avenue, and
must of necessity continue a recipient
of hia kindness until ho gets back from
his tour of the world. What I shnll
do then I dare not contemplate. But
that does not ooncern Branton.
When the note of my aunt’s ar¬
rived my fortunes were at their lowest
ebb. For weeks I had been doing my
own cooking, and Branton's arrival
from the West, (where, through no
fault of his own, he had lost the small
fortune that had fullon to his posses¬
sion on the death of his father, nil
English country gentleman who had
left a largo number of sons to divide
a moderate estate, added an additional
burden to my thin pociietbook. Just
why my friend had left tho West he
did not explain further than that cir¬
cumstances had reduced him to u men¬
ial position on a ranch, and he was in
a fair way to rise when he suddenly
made up his mind to go home, and
landed in New York, penniless and
compelled to accept days my poor hospi¬
tality. For four he had been
seeking work in vain when I heard
from my aunt. It was early in the
fall; few people wore in town; her
house was closed aud she thought it
would be jolly for Lyvia sad a oharm
ing friend of hors to spend an evening
in bachelor hall. Would I pardon the
sudden notico and expect, them at 7
o’clock sharp? At tho time pardon
was not granted, but I had to make
the best of circumstances. Even hnd
I known just where to address my
kind relative, I could hardly have
dared askod hor to oxouse me, particu¬
larly on the ground of my financial
straits, for, bred as she has been in
beyond the lap of her luxury, poverty is a thing
understanding. To her it
is a crime. She cannot imagine that
a person with a normal amount of
common sense should be afflicted
with it.
Fortunately I had still remaining
$10 from the last remittance of my
father, which came enclosed in an
affectionate epistle saying that he had
given me the best possible education,
fitted me to battle with the world, and
thought that thereafter I had better
do for myself. With this money we
procured the necessary supplies for a
simple dinner, and I despatched a note
to Carter asking him to join us. Then
arose the question of service. We
had no servant, and naturally it was
necessary that some one attend at the
table. As I was ruefully eyeing my
small stock of remaining money, Bran
ton, ever ready, came to my assist¬
ance. He knew no one in town and
was going to sail for home just assoon
as he could afford it. With his clean
shaven face ho would pass for a most
respectable butler. Of course 1 de¬
murred, but ho insisted, and eventu¬
ally won his point. To this little vic¬
tory can be traced his kindly concep¬
tion of an artistic figure of poverty.
Holwood’s silver service presented
a stunning appearance when we ar¬
ranged it on the table that evening.
The soup as it steamed on the back of
the range, the roast ns it sizzled in the
oven, the few simply cooked vegeta¬
bles in the pots all ready for serving
looked excellent, aud Branton made
the most imposing butler I have ever
set eyes on, for he always was a hand¬
some fellow. So it was with a feeling
akin to satisfaction that I threw my¬
self into a chair in the study when the
menial labor was over and awaited the
coming of my guests. Already Bran
ton was aping a well bred lackey, and
so inimitably did he play his part that
I almost imagined myself the proprie
tor of a well appointed establishment,
instead of a struggling young man
with no occupation and but four dol
lars and thirty-two cents in the world.
At length the bell rang and my but¬
ler opened the door. It was ^Carter.
He passed through the opening in the
portieres that the obsequious Branton
had made for him and was seated be¬
side me. After the usual compliments
of the day had been exchanged he
glanced furtively toward the hall,
then whispered: “A new man?”
“Yea,” I replied, enveloping my¬
self in cigarette smoke to hide the
high coloring of my face. “I got him
to-day.”
“Hum!” he exclaimed. “Made a
ten-strike at last, eh‘?”
He referred to my getting a ten
strike and a good servant on the same
day, and 1 thanked him, but before I
had an opportunity to go into particu¬
lars, for it was evident that he was
curious, I heard Branton open the
door and a confusion of soft voices.
A moment later I had affectionately
greeted my aunt and cousin, made my
obeisance to Miss Rosa Mell and ush¬
ered my guests to the room set apart
for them, for my butler had suddenly
disappeared and left this last duty to
me.
When I saw Rosa Mell in tbe|fnll
glare of the study lights I forgot the
inconvenience to which I had been
put, that to keep up appearances I
had been driven to deception, and I
was really honest in tho thanks I
showered on my aunt for tho honor of
her coming. She was a beautiful girl,
with a tall, finely proportioned figure;
deep black hair and eyes, and a face but
no feature of which was perfect,
which as a whole, was most attractive.
To bo frank again, Miss Mell’s charms
were further increased for me by are
mark my aunt made as I led her out to
dinner.
“Now, Frank, dear, mind your ps
and qs," she whispered. “She’s as
rich as Mrs. Crmsus, and the charm
ingest—it’s the best word—girl I
know."
“Thank you for your kindly interest,
aunt,” I replied in an undertone. In
a louder voice I added, “I am well
contented with my bachelor condi¬
tion.”
“And who wouldn’t bo in such a
jolly place,” cried my cousin, as wo
were seated, aud her eyes scanned the
walls, covored with otirios that Hol
wood had gathered from every quarter
of the globe.
“1 almost long to bo a bachelor—”
That was as far as Miss Mell pro¬
gressed, for as she was speaking her
eyes fell upon the butler staudiug be¬
hind my chair. She flushed, then the
color left her face and she stared at
him, unconsciously. Her confusion
was but momentary. She recoverod
herself aud with the greatest com¬
posure added: “Yes, it must be jolly
to be a bachelor aud live like this.”
“Vandergust is certainly an ex¬
tremely lucky fellow,” cried Carter.
“Are you married?” inquired my
port cousin.
“Dear me, no! Never!” my friend
exclaimod. “Now don’t you think he’s
a lucky fellow, Miss Mell?”
She thought that I was, poor girl,
but I did not havo an opportunity for
learning her reasou, for he engaged
her attention with au extended ac¬
count of Lis idea of my luck. My aunt
flowed off into a long recital concern¬
ing tho dulncss of life at Newport,
which my cousin frequently inter¬
rupted with expressions of dissent or
approval. I responded with obs, abs
aud indeods, and fnrtivoly watched
Branton as ho servod the oysters. His
usually ruddy faco was as pale as my
Poverty’s, his hands tromldod as he
moved about at his duties, aud he
eeomed studiously to avoid the glauoes
of tho whole company. I wanted to
smile at him and if possible eheor him
up with a wink, but ho simply would
not be winked at.
“What a lovely butler you have!”
exclaimod Lyvm, as ho left tho room
for the third course, the roast ho had
takeu so muoh pains over, the pota¬
toes I had out. my bauds in peeling,
the peas we had purchased m a can
and boiled or stewed, or something
like that.
“A splondid-looking follow, I re¬
marked to Vandegust just before you
oamo,” Carter said. “I think ho was
lucky to got him. Don’t you thiuk he
was lucky, Miss Mell?”
Her reply was inaudible. Bran
ton’s return necessitated a new line of
conversation. So that ho might have
a little fun out of it, 1 spoke of the
cook.
“If you will pardon my burdening
you with my housekeeping woes,” 1
ventured, “I will ask your advice
about a cook. I can’t get a good
one.”
"I think ho or she does very well
indeed,” said my aunt,
“But good ones won’t stay.”
“A matter of days out I suppose ?”
“Perhaps you don’t pay them,”ven
tured Carter, facetiously,
I laughed at this, and snoceeded in
bestowing a wink on the butler,where¬
upon he immediately dropped the
precious dish of potatoes, so that they
went tracking over Holwood’s fine old
Turkish rug. The miscreant servant,
in a moment of confusion and forget¬
fulness, fell upou his knees and tried
to sweep them back into the dish with
his arms, as he would have gathered
in au abnormally large stack of chips.
My guests aud I assumed au air of
complete obliviousness to the inci¬
dent, and by the time ho had arisen
from the floor, with hair disheveled
and burning face, and escaped from
the room, we were talking of the
West.
“Yon know, Frank,” laughed my
aunt, “yon Eastern men have abso¬
lutely failed to make an impression on
Rosa.”
“I’m certain Miss Mell has not
failed to make an impression, a deep
| impression, on us Eastern men,”
observed Carter, gallantly. “Do yon
| j think “I’m she competent has failed, to Vandergust?” speak for but
] two,” I replied, Vandergust “but I will say—”
“Mrs. does me an injns
tice,” cried Miss Mell. “I do like
New York men—”
“But none are quite so fascinating
as a certain person yon met on your
ranch,” interrupted my cousin.
“A cowboy!” asked Carter, sudden¬
ly becoming intensely interested.
“A cow-puncher, if you will,”
laughed the fair girl, “with a re~
volver, a red shirt, and all the appro¬
priate settings.”
“She tries to laugh it off,” cries
Lyvia. “But really, Mr. Carter, it’s
true.”
“Nonsense, Lyvia,” Miss Mell ex¬
claimed, with the most charming
possible frown.
“Don't deny it,” said I, for I was
really getting just a bit anxious, “I
can imagine him myself—a tall,
bronzed chap, with flowing black
locks, piercing eyes, a noble brow—”
“And a beard—a lovely Vandyke;
don’t forget that,” my cousin inter¬
rupted.
“A cowboy with a Vandyke! Hum;
Dangerous!” exclaimed Carter.
“Don’t you think it’s dangerous,
Vandergust?”
I admit that Carter has not a great
mind, but at that instant it ran in the
same channel as mine, for to me had
occurred the idea that a cowboy in a
Van Dyke was suspicious. The thing
savored of the gentleman; perhaps
one of those fellows down on hie luck
that I read of, or even like Branton.
My aunt smiled complacently.
Miss Mell leaned back in her chair
and sighed, “Oh, Lyvia, why did you
ever?”
“Why, Rosa, you confessed it all;
you know you did,” cried my irrepres¬
sible cousin. “And what do you
think?” She leaned over as if about
to impart to my ears alone a secret of
vast import.
“I don’t think,” I answered, “I
simply wait."
“Ly-vi-a!”
My cousin passed unheeded this
gentle, plaintive remonstrance, and in
u stage whisper said : “I found her
one day shedding crocodile tears over
his photograph—a horrible looking
thing, with fringy edges, you know,
and a gilt border, and a—”
The burst of laughter that inter¬
rupted this disclosure was drowned by
a crash of china bohindthe screen that
hid the door of the butler’s pantry, a
thud as of a heavy body falling, a
moan. I sprang from the table and
tossed aside the screen. Disclosed to
our view, prostrate on tho floor, his
head resting in a mass of broken
dishes, lay my friend and butler.
“Branton!” I cried, falling down at
his side.
He made no reply for lie was uncon¬
scious.
Garter and I pioked him up and laid
him in the heavily cushioned window
scat.
“What a clumsy butler! Ring for
the servants !” cried my aunt, who in
tho general confusion seemed to think
that she alone was calm, and by virtue
ol that calmness in duty bound to take
command.
“He’s not my butler !” I exclaimed,
forgetting appearances. “It’s Branton
—Jim Branton, the best fellow—”
“Water! Water!” screamed Lyvia.
I dashed to the table and seized a
glass, and when I turned auain to my
injured friend, Rosa Meli was on her
knees at his side, wiping his forehead
with her handkerchief. Suddenly his
eyes opened and rested on hers.
“Rosa! Rosa!” he muttered, and he
suddenly reached out his arm and
drew her head down toward him.
I glanced at the other and pointed
to tho door. Silently we passed out
of the room.
“Well, I never!” my aunt exclaimed,
as tho portieres closed behind us. “I
thought the cowboy was a joke, but a
butler—”
“Shi” whispered Lyvia. And
through the heavy curtains came :
“Why did you run away from the
Jim?”
“Why—why—because a poor chap
like me had no right even to hope.”—
New York Sun.
Amber anil Its Production.
An enormous aMouut of amber
oomos from Prussia, whero it is mined
by what is practically a monopoly.
The company controlling the greater
part of tho output pay to the G overn
meut over $160,000 a year for the
privilege of control, It is said that
over $5,000,000 has already been paid
by this Arm in royalties to the Gov¬
ernment. The beach in East Prussia,
after heavy northwest winde, is often
thickly strewn with amber, which
comes up in the seaweed that is often
piled up to the height of three or four
feet along the shore. After a storm
men, women and children swarm over
the beach, gathering amber and find¬
ing most profitable employment there¬
by. From a hundred to a hundred
and fifty tons of rawamber are worked
up every year in one city. The great¬
er part of it is melted to make varnish
and lac. Beads are made of many of
the best pieces, and these are in de¬
mand all over the world.
TVi.-iving Out Needlessly,
Many people wear themseives out
needlessly; their conscience is a
tyrant. An exaggerated sense of duty
leads a person to anxious, ceaseless
activity, to be constantly doing some¬
thing, over-punctual, never idle a
second of time, scorn to rest; such
are in unconscious nerve tension.
They say they have no time to rest,
they have so muoh to do, not thinking
they are rapidly unfitting themselves
for probably what would have been
their best aud greatest work in after
years.—The Ledger.
Snow-White Cattle.
Tho breed of snow-white cattle which
were used in the sacrifices in Athens
and Rome from 2090 to 2500 years
ago, is still iu existence in Calabria,
Italy. Great pains are taken to main
tain the strain of blood in all its
purity, aud calves showing a single
i t&ir of any other color than white are
j at once separated from the herd.
THE FIELD OF ADVENTURE.
THRILLING INCIDENTS AND DAR¬
ING DEEDS ON LAND AND SEA.
In the Clutches of an Anaconda—A
Fight With a Lynx—A Tiger at
Close Quarters.
o N the 25th of January, 1894,
the sloop Papua left Sevpan,
one of the Ladones islands,
in the North Pacific, bound
for Sydney, with a load of copra or
dried cocoanut. She was eighty-five all
tons and had a crew of five men, of
nationalities. One was a Kanaka, the
others English, Italian, Finlander and
an American, Charles Sammy, while
the captain, Held, was a Swede.
February 1 they were caught in a
typhoon, lost their head sails and were
driven hundreds of miles off their
course to the eastward, aud finally
came in sight of land, which they be¬
lieved to be one of the Philippines.
The sloop had struck on the north
side of Tomani Bay, in the island of
Celebes, and about forty miles from
Fort Amsterdam, a Dutch Government
station on the coast. The natives were
very civil and agreed to pilot the crew
to that place.
The road was a mere cattle track
through woods so thick that a dog
could scarcely make his way, and
nothing was seen the first day but
droves of monkeys. The heat was
fearful and the attacks of numberless
insects kept them from sleeping. They
started by daybreak the next morn¬
ing. Z About 10 o’clock they were com¬
ing to an open place in the woods, when
suddenly the monkeys began a demon¬
stration. They howled and chattered,
swinging from tree to tree and casting
branches and nuts into the road.
The natives hung back, explaining
that there was a snake ahead and the
monkeys had detected him and were
giving warning. After some hesitation
the American, Summy, a powerful,
reckless fellow, declared that he would
go ahead, snake or no snake. The
guide advised him, but he started and
in a moment was lost to sight. Sud¬
denly a curious sound was heard, al¬
most like a blast of wind, and then a
fearful scream. “The snake has got
him,” said the native. “Quick! Let’s
go away at once.”
Captain Held was armed with a
heavy musket loaded with heavy
shot, and he rushed forward,one of the
natives following. Twining the trunk
of a huge tree they saw an appalling
sight. The open space was about one
hundred yards square, of pure white
sand, glowing in the sun aud bordered
by the rich tropic vegetation. In the
centre was the body of the wretchel
American in the coils of a monstrous
snake fifty feet long, and almost as
thick as a ship mast. Summy’s hands
and arms were free, but his body was
fairly in the black |and yellow coils.
The snake’s head was waving from
side to sido before striking. Although
horror-stricken the captain retained
his grit* and, aiming for the head
about seventy yards away, fired. With
a tremendous hiss and convulsive
spring the monster uncoiled and en¬
tered the brush, fold after fold being
seen until it vanished.
For an hour they watched the body
of their shipmate until the monkeys
began to gather around it—a sign that
the snake was gone. They went for¬
ward, picked up tho body and brought
it to the road. The faco was horribly
distorted, and every bono in the body
broken by the crushing coils. Al¬
though a large maD, weighing 170,the
hips could be spanned by two hands.
Death must have been instantaneous.
A Fight With a Lynx.
The ugliest appearing animal that
ever walked a log, killed a rabbit or
fought a trap is the lynx, which is just
as as it looks ten months in
year and somewhat uglier during the
other two. Not only will the lynx
fight anything that walks the woods,
but it will also tackle a visitor from
the clearings, be be man or dog or
half-grown calf, if the occasion offers.
Jim Berry was hunting up in Maine,
about forty miles north of Greenville,
when he and his friend suddenly came
upon the carcass of a caribou which a
bear was eating. The bear made it¬
self scarce, much to Jim’s regret, as
he wanted to kill the bear. Without
saying anything to his friend he left
camp the next day and started for the
carcass of the caribou, feeling certain
that the bear would return. He
waited and watched until about three
o’clock in the afternoon, when he be¬
gan to think of returning to the camp.
A soft footfall back in the woods, the
crafty step of some wild animal, just
then sounded in his ears. Pretty soon
the animal was chewing the caribou
meat, and Jim could see it pi'■inly.
He leveled his buckshot gun and
pulled the trigger when the wabbling
muzzle was pointed in what he thought
was the right direction, The beast
went down and Jim started for it.
Then he stopped with his mouth open.
The beast had leaped to his feet and
jumped sideways with its back up.
Jim knew the yell, and he also recog¬
nized the humped back, It was a
wounded lynx spoiling for a fight.
Not having time to level his gun to
shoot, the man clubbed it, and the
blow stunned the cat a little, but the
beast got in a rake on the man’s leg
and tore his trousers and hide. too.
Another frantic sweep of the gun bar¬
rel laid the beast flat, and then a re¬
volver bullet killed the animal. The
buckshot had torn the top of the lynx
head—enough tomake it angry.
A Tiger at Close Quarters.
Colonel H. Ward tells in the Bad
minton Magazine about a tiger that he
shot in India:
“We were after a tiger on an old
trail,” he says, “when the men began
to consult as to what would best be
done. While they talked 1 wandered
away alone up a small stream, on
either side of which the grass had
been burned, leaving a fine gray ash
spread over the ground, In this I
found the perfectly fresh footprints
of a large tiger, which tve had evi¬
dently disturbed. Following cau¬
tiously, I presently saw the tiger
about fifty yards in front of me, walk¬
ing slowly along the bamboos; he
neither saw nor heard me, and seemed
to suspect nothing, I followed him
till he dipped into a ravine; then I
ran back and gent the men round to
drive him toward me. There was no
large tree available, so I lay down on
a flat rock, with a sloping bank to my
left, and on the right a clear space
about eight yards wide to the side of
the hill, which rose in a perfectly
straight scarp. I hoped the tiger
would come to my left, below me, but
he didn’t. Instead, he came headed
so that had I left him alone he would
have passed within six feet of me.
When he was about eight yards off I
fired, and as the smoke cleared away I
saw the brute’s jaws close to the muz¬
zle of the rifle. I pulled the the trigger rifle,
of the other barrel, dropped
rolled over the bank and leaped into a
small tree during the next few seconds.
But the tiger was dead, shot through
the heart. His whiskers were burned
by the second charge.”
His Dogs Dug Him From the Snow.
Frank Andreas has been saved from
an untimely death by his two noble
doge. He was on his way to the black¬
smith stop, some distance from the
mine, when he was caught by a big
snowslide, which started about 200
feet up the mountain. Ho was carried
quite a distance and lodged against
the gulch and covered over with four
feet of hard-packed snow. His two
dogs, which arc quarter St. Bernard,
escaped the avalanche. They soon
located their master and began to dig
away the snow. By the faithful work
of the dogs and the use of his left arm,
which was fortunately in an upright
position, Mr. Andreas soon gained a
small opening which enabled him to
breathe. He declared that a few
minutes more and he would have been
dead. One hour and a half of hard
struggling, and by picking away the
hard snow from his body and throwing
it out of the opening made by the
dogs, brought a most welcome relief,
and one that will not soon be forgot¬
ten. The gulch proper was filled with
snow ten feet deep for a distance of
seventy-five feet. — Mountanhome
(Idaho) Republican.
Struggle With a Wildcat.
Joe Benkamp, a hunter, living in
the Ramapo Mountains, had an ad¬
venture one day recently in the foot¬
hills, says a Haver straw (N. Y.) letter.
There was snow on the ground, and
Benkamp had not proceeded far when
he came across some peculiar tracks.
They were unlike anything he remem¬
bered and he followed them up.
He had followed the tracks about
half a mile when he came across the
maker of them. It was a wildcat. The
animal was crouched on the limb of a
tree. He sprang behind a tree and
fired at the animal.
The shot only wounded it, and be¬
fore Benkamp could reload the mad¬
dened wildcat was at him. He quickly
grasped his knife, and then there was
a fierce struggle. The hunter eon
auered, but not before he had been
considerably bitten and scratched.
Benkamp declares that he had a
narrow escape. He says that when
the wildcat first sprang at him he
thought he was a “goner.” He got
hold of its throat and then stabbed it
to death.
Benkamp has been noted for the
great strength of his hands. The
wildcat was four feet in length and
weighed fifty-three pounds. A wildcat
has not been caught in the Ramapo
regions for a great many years and it
was thought that they were extinct.
Japanese Gardening.
The Japanese have the art of dwarf¬
ing trees to mere shrubs, and of
cultivating plants in a similar way.
The people take great delight in their
miniature gardens, which require a
special gardener to keep them down
to desired limits. The author of “On
Short Leave to Japan” writes: “A
Japanese garden is generally about
ten yards square, and in this small
space is found a park and demesne,
with lake, summer house, temples,
trees, all complete, and all in keeping
with the dimensions available. The
lake is four feet long, and fall of small
goldfish. On the border stands a
pine tree, exactly eighteen inches
high and fifty years old; beneath its
shade is a temple carved out of one
piece of stone the size of a brick. On
a lofty crag of some two and a half
feet stands a fine maple tree, perfect
in form and shape, fifteen years old
and twelve inches high. We bought
three of these miniature trees later—
a maple, a pine and a bamboo clump
— each about fifteen years old and
eighteen inches to two feet high,
growing in shallow dishos. We were
told of a complete garden contained in
a shallow two-dozen wine case. Every¬
thing was complete, down to the fish
in the lake, a sheet cf water only a
few inches square, ar.d. the fort
bridges over ihe watercourses. Tea¬
houses there were, and numerous
tree3 of various kinds, each about eiz
inches high. Old es the hills these,
but full of vitality, and yet never
growing bigger.”
Honey-Ants.
It is well known that in Sarawak as
well as Colorado aud Mexico, there
are honey-ants of the genus Myrme
cocystus. Another genus of ants
(Camponotus), to which our common
large' black ant belongs, has three
species which have this singular
honey-storing habit. Two of them
live in Australia, but though their
abdomens are considerably swollen,
to oe able to move about
slowly, unlike those of the genu.- j
myrmecocystus. — New York Indepes-1 j
dent.
'■’ ? ^ E3E ^THSY
SAY.’*
‘ “They:say”—ah! well, suppose they do
; But can they prove the story true?
Suspicion may arise for naught,
But malice, envy, want of thought.
Why count yourself among the “they’*
Who whisper what they dare not da y
“They say.’’ But why the tale rehearse
And help to make the matter worse?
No good can possibly accrue
From telling what may be untrue;
And is it not a noble plan
To speak of all the best you can?
“They say.” Well, if it should be so,
Why need you tell the tale of woe?
Will it the bitter wrong redress,
Or make one pang of sorrow less?
Will it the erring one restore,
Henceforth to “go and sin no more?”
“They say”—Oh! pause and look within;
See how your heart inclines to sin,
Watoh! lest in dark temptations hour
You, too, should sink beneath its power.
Pity the frail, weep o’er their fall.
But speak of good, “or not at all.”
—New Haven Begister.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Mamma —“Now, take this, Johnny.
You like sugar, you know.” Johnny—
"Yes, but pills spoil it.”—Puok.
Teacher—“Who is that whistling in
school?” New Boy—“Me. Didn’t you
know I could whistle ?”—London Fi¬
garo.
She—“Strange how wet it is." He
■—“Be stranger still if it were dry
with such heavy rains. ”—Comic Home
Journal.
He—“MissBelle is easily deceived.”
She—“How’s that? ”He-“Ske thinks
she’s mad because I kissed her. —
Town Topics.
He—“May I kiss you? I She— have
never kissed a girl before.”
“Yon can’t break any records with
me.”—Town Topics.
Beautiful Heiress (after the ball):
“Mary, go back to the hall and see if
perhaps there are any more lieutenants
kneeling about."—Fliegende Blaetter.
His Father—“Now you can see what
your coarse of living has brought you
to.” The Spendthrift—“Yos, indeed!
I can’t borrow another cent.”—Puck.
“The man brought a ton of coal yes¬
terday, and now it’s gone. It must
have been stolen.” “Don’t be hasty.
Perhaps you mislaid it yourself.”—•
Detroit Tribune.
Prison Inspectors—“That man over
there seems to positively enjoy the
treadmill.” Warder—“Yes, sir. ’E’s
used to the haction. ’E was a bicycle
thief.”—Household Words.
Mrs. Knight—“Does your husband
treat you the same now as he did when
he was courting you?” Mrs. Laight—
“Pretty much. He keeps me in the
dark.”—Yonkers Statesman.
“Look here, Gerald! Your father
and Captain Armstrong are giving
Ella a lesson on the bicycle.” “Yes,
Mummie; but why does Ella always
fall off on Captain Armstrong’s side?”
—Punch.
“I wonder what got Bluebeard
starting to cutting off his wives’
heads?” “Very the likely the idea
occurred to him while he was at the
theatre behind a big hat.”—Indian¬
apolis Journal.
“Has your husband the button¬
collecting fad?” inquired the caller.
“Well,” replied young Mrs. Torkins
doubtfully; “he usually helps take
up tho contribution in our church.”—
Washington Star.
In Russia teachers are none too well
paid. At a scholastic meeting some
one proposed the toast: “Long live
our school teachers.” What on?”
asked a cadaverous-looking specimen,
rising in his seat.—Tit-bits.
Cholly—“I wonder if your father
would fly into a passion if I were to
ask him for you?” Adelaide—“Not
if you tell him first that he looks
twenty years younger since he shave
off his whiskers.”—Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Tamblin (tearfully): “They
brought my husband home in a hack
from the banquet last night. How did
yours get home?” Mrs. Sanderson—“I
don’t know, but I suspect that he was
carried along by his breath.”—Cleve¬
land Leader.
Medium (to party at sitting)—“The
spirit of your deceased husband
desires to converse with you.” Wife—
“Huh! if he ain’t got no more spirit
now than he had when he died, he
ain’t worth troubling about.”—New
York World.
He—“I have often wished, dearest,
that we lived in the old days of
chivalry, so I could do some brave act
to prove my devotion to you.” She—
“I have wished so myself, Edwin; but
still, you haven’t asked papa’s consent
yet. ”—Lark.
“How matrimony does change a
man!” "Hah! It changes a woman,
too. When we were engaged my
wife-to-be was always trying to make
me save money. Now she doesn’t
gimme a ohance to save a cent.”—
Chicago Enquirer.
Magistrate—“The gamekeeper says
that he saw yon taking this pheasant.
What have yon to say to that?”
Prisoner—“I only took it for a lark.”
Magistrate—“Six months for making
such an ornithological error. Con¬
sult your natural history in future. ”
Jndy.
“Have yon been able to catch the
Speaker’s eye?” asked the first lady
member of Parliament. “Have I?”
rejoined the second M. P. “Well,
rather; I woremynavy bine bengaline
with the heliotrope sleeves, and the
Speaker couldn’t keep his eyes off me. ”
—Pearson’s Weekly.
The Doctor— “Mrs. Briggs has sent
for me to go and see her boy, and I
must go at once.” “What is the mat
ter with the boy?” The Doctor—“I
don t know; but Mrs. Briggs has a
book on ‘What to do Before the Doc
tor Comes, and I must hurry up
beiore she does it. ’—Collier’s Weekly,