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THK ffUDERKR’) ISO\C.
B 1 MBs J. V. H. BOONS.
When through the rough and wintry wor!4
In wretched n*** I roam,
With childUh love I breathe the names
Of father, mother, home.
They bear one 1 aok in fancy eweet
To l>oyhx)d , einJ H ia>>.
Ere thorn* had j lerrad no) weary feet
In desolated v ays;
Back to the dear old orchard treej,
Bet out by father'* hand,
Beneath whoee shade the perfumed breeie
My boyish brow haa fanned;
While I In ailent wonder lay
Upon the velvet gra**,
Aud watched in Joy life’a landed play
In panorama j>ass.
Ah, me! ’tla well those and reams wera gold.
Their memory gilds the tesd
Of real life, when hearts grow cold
And dreamless aa the dead.
If there in aught in u survive#
The fearful wreck of death,
The mother-love that warms our lives
Unto the latest breath
Must be the part, the deathleea link
That binds the soul to Gi>d:
That sings to it of heaven and home
And lifts it from the clod.
il WWKR'S UVFMEKCE.
What hearts hare they who hoardethstrife,
Who** famished eonhi eith Joy ne’er sing
When summer days with cheer are rife,
And summer flowers are blossoming.
Who think all good men in their grave,
And frown and curse and always take
An honest man to l <e a kna\ 9,
A clever woman for a rake.
Come out, abnormal, cankerous minds,
Aud bring your gouty joints along;
Come quaff the calm of summer winds
And oease to brood o’er fancied wrong.
Come where the dazzling summer sun
Has spread The verdant leaflets' shade,
And decked with graces one by one
lha modest nympheta of the glade.
Come Mat to warbling birds' sweet lay,
So peaceful In their shady bowers—
“ Have charity sweet, sweet," they say—
“Be pure and gentle like the flowers I”
’Mid scenes like these we feel aud know
Man wa* not made to Morm and mourn—
Come broader views, truths clearer grow—
From life’s great problem myths are torn.
just n LUCK.
Let anybody who likes turn up their
nose, I feel not the sligh.est hesitation
in avowing that I was in a hurry—in a
great hurry.
The steamboat bell was ringing, for
one thing, and blowing off steam in a
way to send a nervous man distracted.
I knew I couldn’t run—my boots were
too tight. Then my wardrobe was on
board—my gray suit, and my bine suit,
and thirteen other suits—all my boots
and embroidered slippers, fancy neck
ties, embroidered handkerchiefs and that
new pomade.
“I’ll sue the company if they are
lost,” I exclaimed mentally. “ What
business have they to be so frightfully
punctual ? Here I stopped for a moment
to talk to Jenks, who has brought over
the last new neck-tie, and—”
“Ha, ha! You’d better run, old boy;
I’ll have the first chance at the heiress.”
I looked up and saw Nod laughing at
me. Confound the fellow ! How hand
some he looked ! If that boat started,
should I ever dare to present myself,
dusty and begrimed, at Elm Grove to
find him there—as, of course, he would
be—duly washed, shaved and curled,
whispering in Nelly Langworih’s ear.
“ Run,” shouted Ned again. The
men were already withdrawing the
plank. There was a young, very plainly
dressed woman just in front of me.
“Out of the way, woman,” I said,
flushing past her. She screamed slight
ly, and would have fallen, if one of the
“ hands” had not extended his arm and
caught her. So Ned told me, for I was
too much absorbed in looking after my
baggage even to think about her.
Said he: “You nearly knocked that
little wqman sitting behind us down.”
“Do you suppose I was going to let
you have Miss Langworth to yourself ?”
I answered, chuckling.
“Why, is she so attractiveV” asked
Ned.
“ Haven’t the least idea, my dear fel
low. You know, I’m only acquainted
with her father; but I’m sure she’s an
angel. She has five hundred thousand
in her own right.”
‘ ‘ Five hundred thousand is a nice little
sum !”
“Yes, when I get it (for, to be plain
with you, Fred ( I have a suit in the
trunk that I think will put the matter
beyond doubt). When I get it, I shall
start with Mrs. Nelly for Paris, where I
shall spend six months. From there I
shall go —”
Fred burst into a loud laugh.
“Wait till you’re introduced, Jim;
perhaps she’s cross-eyed.”
“If she were humpbacked, for half a
million I’d make her Mrs. Jonquil.”
* ‘ Well, you are welcome to her. Give
me, a little rosy, bright-eyed woman,
who won’t say to me, ‘lt was my money,
sir, that made you what you are. ’ ”
“There’s the house —-fine old place,
ain't it?” I said, pointing to a handsome
villa on the bank. “When I’m master
there you shall come and spend the
summer with me.”
Fred laughed louder than ever. The
boat stopped, and this little woman,
whom I had so nearly knocked down,
landed with us ; but what was our sur
prise, after ensconsing ourselves in Mr.
Langwortli’s handsome to be
hold her perched on the driving-seat
with the coachman
“It’s some governess, or poor rela
tion ” I said, trying to reassure myself.
“I’ll bet you five to one that it’s Miss
Langworth herself. ”
“Miss Langworth, indeed! Why,
she has actually cotton gloves. There
—see!” as we entered the grounds,
“ didn’t I tell you so? She iR going in
the liaek way.”
“Ail the same. She’ll tell the heir
ess what you said,” persisted Fred, and
would talk of nothing else till Mr. Lang
worth and his family appeared, which
they only did after a long delay.
At the' first word he uttered I cast a
glance of triumph at Fred. The little,
plainly'dressed woman—who, by-the-by,
mas an insipidly-pretty pen on, with
blue ’eyes, regular features and brown
hair—was a Miss Jenny, a sort of
companion to Miss Langworth. who
proved to be about five-feet-teu, thin,
pale, high-nosed, dashing, and a little
under 30.
Of course, 1 immediately opened a
conversation with her, leaving it to Fred
to do the agreeable to the milk-and
water Miss Jenny.
“You have a charming retreat, Miss
Langworth.”
“Oh ! yes, sir. Hain’t you never saw
it before ? ”
early, Miss Langworth was inde
pendent of grammar ; but I admired her
the more. It was only a proof that she was
unsophisticated and not spoiled by the
world.
“ I am a stranger here ; but I should
think this such a spot as Lamb, the great
poet, would have loved. ”
I hazarded this at a venture, for I am
not great in the poetical line ; but I was
sure she wouldn't find me out if I did
make a blundei.
The reply was, however, somewhat
unexpected.
“Lamb ! why, he used to live down
here. He was the butcher, and we used
always to be a laughin’ about his name.”
I saw Fred and Miss Jenny smile, aud
proposed a walk in the garden, where
Mias Langworth murdered the Queen's
Hamilton Journal.
LAMAR & DENNIS, Publishers.
VOL. VIII.-NO. 41.
English at her own sweet discretion, and
I made love at mine, at which she didn’t
blush (though I do beliovo she tried to),
but giggled in such an encouraging man
ner that I think I Rhould have proposed
on the spot, if the dressing-bell had not
sounded at that moment.
“ Splendid, ain't she ? ” said I, enthu
siastically, to Fred.
“Raw-boned, rather," said Fred,
doubtfully.
“Raw-boned! She’s a perfect Juno.”
“She's no chicken.’
“ Own up, old boy—you’re jealous."
“ Not a bit of it. That little Miss
Jenny is charming, modest, intelligent,
and pretty.”
“ Everyone to his taste. Mine, I con
fess, is more exalted.”
“If yon refer to her height, I agree
with you.”
“ there goes the dinner-bell.”
“ Then you’d better hurry up, Jim. It
takes you about half an hour to tie that
cravat.” Aud away-went Fred, laugh
ing maliciously. He would take the va
cant seat by Mikh Langworth, of course.
I should be unbecomingly red in the
face—my cravat would boa bungle—my
left whisker wouldn’t look like a break
fast roll, and— down went the jar with
the new pomade.
I didn’t swear, for it isn't gentleman
ly; but I said something forcible about
the jar, and went down to tho dining
room.
There my worst fears were realized.
Fred was helping Miss *Langworth to
gravy, as I entered, ami the only empty
chair was by Miss Jenny.
It struck me, as I seated myself, that
my arrival had thrown this little person
into something of a flutter. She raised
her handkerchief to her face, aud when
she asked for potatoes I fancied that
her voice faltered.
I was annoyed. If it had been in a
country farm-house, and nobody else
around, I might have noticed her; but,
with Miss Langworth opposite, I was
surprised that she evinced no more dis
cretion. It was not my fault if I was
fascinating; and, if my clothes did fit
well, it was not agreeable to have im
poverished young females falling in love
with me.
I believe she made some remark about
the opera, but I turned my head to talk
to Mr. Langworth.
I would not swear to it, but I think I
saw her drop her handkerchief. I could
take my oath, however, that Jim Jonquil
didn’t pick it up.
After dinner, we adjourned to the
bowling-saloon, which Mr. Langworth
had built in the rear of his house.
“Not bad, is it?” said I to Fred.
“Only I mean to have a window lot iu
there—it’s not light enough.”
I heard a suppressed titter behind me,
and for a moment fancied that Miss
Langworth had overheard me; but it
was only Miss Jenny, who seemed to
have an unconquerable propensity to
burst out into causeless fits of laughter.
I stepped past her to Miss Langworth,
for I was determined Fred should not
outwit me this time.
“ Miss Langworth, shall we have a
game ? We can play against Fred and
your—friend.”
Miss Langworth aoceded graciously,
and I instructed tier in the mysteries of
counting up; for, strange to say, sho
knew nothing about it; and I got tlie
balls, and I placed them in tier some
what bony hands, and I cried bravo
when she knocked down a pin, and
looked out of the comer of my eye to
see the other little woman roll, which
she did like a Troian.
I must confess I was disconcerted;
but I reflected that bowling was a some
what masculine accomplishment, and
that the lady who could make a ten
strike might be able to knock her hus
band down with equal grace and vigor.
But, of course, Miss Langworth was a
proficient in music, of which I am fond.
“No,” she said, “I kin neither play
nor sing—l couldn’t never abear it.”
Miss Jenny could, however; and
straightway executed one of Beethoven’s
sonatas in masterly style.
Fred was in rajitures. But I talked
all the more to Miss Langworth, who
told me “ she was not cold-hearted, but
she was afraid to marry, because every
body knew her pa would hand her over
$500,000 on her wediling-day, and she
was afraid they wanted her for her
money.
Dear creature, how I loved her—how
I burned to assure her of my disinterest
ed affection 1 How I longed to ask her
to fly with me to some green isle (with
$500,000 in her pocket), and live, “ tho
world forgetting, by the world forgot,”
in a brown-stone palace, in that remoto
comer of the beautiful isle of Manhattan
known as Fifth avenue.
What orders I’d give Graneh, my
tailor 1 What a team I’d drive 1 And
wouldn’t I have a yacht, and belong to
a club, and drink five bottles of cham
pagne at dinner every day 1
All this happiness within my grasp,
and nothing needed to secure but the
momentary absence of Fred and that
disagreeable Miss Jenny, who was tit
tering again.
“ The ladies propose a sail,” said Fred.
“ Will you go, Jim ?”
Of course I would; and, wrapping
Miss Langworth iu a shawl, for the day
was cool, we started down a winding
path shaded by overarching trees, and,
d' scending a few stone steps, found our
selves ou a fine gravelly beach, on which
lay the boat high and dry.
We soon got her off—that is, Fred did,
for he was a stalwart fellow, and I didn’t
wish to soil mv new pan tali sins—and we
helped the ladies into the boat; then I
discovered that Miss Langworth had a
large ankle, but it failed to dampen mv
love. I scorned to lie influenced by such
worldly considerations, und I grew even
more devoted to Miss Langworth, who
leaned up heavily against me, while Fred
and Miss Jenny raved.
Tlie last-mentioned lady, after a Hhort
time, proposed that we should run the
boat up in a little inlet, and make our
way home by another and more circuit
ous route, the whole distance being
about two miles.
“ She wants Fred to pop the question,”
I thought. “ Poor fellow 1 But I’m
obliged to lier ; I shall have a chance to
projiose to Miss Langworth ;” and so I
seconded the move with ardor.
Fred agreed, of course, and Miss
Langworth said, “La, yes 1 she didn’t
care ; ” and, getting out, the lady andmy-
self walked on slowly behind Fred and
Miss Jenny, who were speedily out of
sight.
Now was my time.
“How beautiful all this is!” said I,
“and yet it makes me sad, Miss Lang
worth. ”
“ Dear me, does it givo you the rheu
matism ? Folks do say it’s damp here,
but T never feel it.”
“Rheumatism of the heart, Miss
Langworth,” I answered. “ To-morrow
I leave you ; should I ever (which is im
probable) Revisit this spot, on whose arm
should I find you leaning then ?”
Miss Langworth said, archly, she was
sure she couldn’t tell.
“ A husband’s, perhaps,” I continued,
in my deepest bass voice; some fortu
nate lieing, who, unlike me, may be es
teemed worthy to possess that priceless
treasure"—l meant the five hundred
thousand dollars; but I said—“your
heart. ”
“I shall never marry,” slie said,
faintly.
“Oh, say not so," I cried, about, to
sink on one knee ; but, looking down, I
saw that it was muddy. “ Say not so,
brightest and best of beings. Drive not
to despair (seizing her hand) one who
loves you so fondly. Give me but the
faintest gleam of hope—say but that you
will be mine, alter years of toil shall
have enabled me to ask your band of
your father, and I will go forth more
joyfully than ever—over horse went to
water. ”
That wnsn’t very poetical; but I could
think of nothing else. “ Speak, dearest,
—only one word.”
Miss Langworth had hidden her face
behind her handkerchief; but gasped
out:
“Yes, dear Jim; ask pa right away.
He won’t want you to go out and fight,
and all that sort of thing,”
“ Blessed innocent! lie could not wish
it less than I did. ” But it was only after
long persuasion that I consented to fore
go my resolution to win name and fame,
and ask her pa at once.
The old gentleman was in the library,
and just as I entered I met Fred coming
out. I gave liim a nod and a wink, ami,
walking up to Mr. Langworth, informed
him that his daughter had just declared
her willingness to be united with me in
the bonds of holy matrimony, and re
spectfully implored his blessing.
“I am sorry, Mr. Jonquil,” said the
old gentleman, looking at mo rather
quizzically, “ but I have just promised
her to your friend, Mr. Drummond.”
“Imjiossible !” I exclaimed. “ I have
this moment left her. and, if you will
permit me, I will bring her, that you
may hear my statement confirmed from
her own lips.” And, running out, I
found and conducted the fair lady to her
father in an exceedingly short time.
“I beg your pardon, Mr. Jonquil,”
said tho old gentleman, as soon as he
saw her. “ I was speaking of my
daughter, Nellie, whom I have promised
to your friend. But, as for this lady,
marry her as soon as you please; my
jurisdiction does not extend to my
daughter’s seamstress.”
It was too horrible. I rushed madly
out of the house. The little plainly
dressed woman, whom I had nearly
knocked down and treated since with
such persevering and sccomful neglect,
was no other than Nellie Langworth—•
who, overhearing our conversation on
the boat, had chosen to revenge herself
by substituting the long, lean, ugly,
awkward creature with whom I had
been playing the fool for her sweet little
self.
I left for town in the next train, where
I shortly after received an invitation to
her wedding with Fred. I leave it to
the reader to guess if I went.
Insanily as a Good.
A German physician has started a
pleasing theory with regard to insanity.
It is, he thinks, a mistake to look upon
it as an unmitigated evil. It is in
many cases a boon rather than the re
verse to the person immediately affected.
The loss of reason lands the sufferer from
a sea of trouble into one of comparative
calm—often into one of decided happi
ness; and attempts to restore such a per
son to sanity would he cruel rather than
kind. Moreover, ho insists that without
a certain amount of insanity, success in
life, in tho ordinary acceptation of the
term, is quite impossible. All “emi
nent men,” he contends, aro decidedly
more or less mad. Many of them are
dangerous monomaniacs, whom it would
be desirable on public grounds to shut
up, but who, nevertheless, achieve grand
careers and are credited with doing a vast
amount-of good. This false notion he
attributes to the fact that the greater
mass of mankind are also insane and
quite unable to distinguish between good
aud evil. Whole nations arc, he says,
occasionally seized, like individual per
sons, with attacks of madness, and,
]<gl by eminent madmen, either destroy
themselves or their neighbors. These
paroxosms are, he admits, undoubtedly
dangerous, butwhen madness is blended
witli just sufficient self-control to keep it
within bounds and prevent it from be
traying itself, it displays itself in nerv
ous energy, and enables the lunatic ex
ercise immense influence over liis fellow
creatures.
A Celestial Revelation.
Mr. Goober—as the story goes—lived
in the Mormon country. He had but
one wife, and never thought of taking
any more till one day nn elder told him
it was his religious duty to seal unto
himself a few others. Mr. Goober went
home and sadly informed bis wife of
what the elder had said, and Mrs. Goober
said she had no objection, provided the
elder would come round and argue the
case with her piously. Goober told the
elder, and tho elder dropped around. He
smiled sweetly as Mrs. Goober advanced
to meet him. Tho next thing he knew
he was skipping around the room with
his coat slit up the back and his hat
knocked into pi, while Mrs. Goober
wielded the broomstick. He finally
jumped out of a window, and escaped
with liis life, as adder and a wiser man.
The next time he met Goober he told
him he had had a celestial revelation by
which Goober was relieved from the ne
cessity of taking any more wives—Mrs.
Goober would count for almost 1,000 in
the New Jerusalem.
“ DUM SPIRO, SPERO.”
HAMILTON, UA-, OCTOBER 7. 1880.
The Village Hotel Veruuda.
After supper we march iuto th e office
in Indian file, arm Ourselves with poplar
toothpicks, and then all march out and
take seats on tho hotel veranda and hold
a convention. If you have nover taken
part in one of these gatherings on the
veranda of a village hotel you have missed
a' good thing. The audience includes
every phase of human nature.
The discussion usually opens between
tho village blacksmith and a farmer, and
it starts on the weather.
The blacksmith asserts that, we have
had too much rain. The farmer can’t
agree. Tho undertaker, who used to
farm it, then joins in with tho remark
that he Ims seen seasons when we hud
more rain, and seasons alien we didn’t
lmvo ns much. This calls out tho shoe
maker, who can remember one year when
it didn’t rain from tho 2-it.li of’ March to
the Ist of October. While he is trying
to remember what year it was, the cooper
tilts bock his chair and asserts that he
can distinctly recall a year in which it
rained every day from the Ist of May to
the middle of November. 11c can re
member it all the more distinctly because
liis father believed that a second deluge
was coming, and spent two months try
ing to make a watertight Noah’s ark of
tho horse burn. Ho cault toll tho exact
year without footing it a distance of six
miles to examine some old documents*
but rather than have his word disputed
lie would willingly go to that trouble.
No one doubts him, however, and he sits
down to give room to tho man wliobo
tlrrec-year-old colt has been impaled on
a fence-stake, and who wants a cure for
tho wound. He follows a discussion on
horses, lasting fifteen minutes, and it is
about to cross the line and take up mules
whten an old man spits over the heads of
three boys in line and says:
“I don’t know much about bosses, but
if I had one, and he should drive a fence
stake clear through him, 1 believe I should
grease the stake and piel* off the slivers
before I pulled it out! I tell yo horses
can’t stand everything, no moro’n a man
can.”
Whatever new discussion might bo
created by this bold assertion is barred
by tlie appearance of avillagevwho made
the trip to California in overland days/
No one knows just how much money ho
brought back. The estimate runs all the
way from two shillings to #20,000, but
ho is discreetly silent as to tho exact
amount. There is one tiling certain,
however. He killed upward ot fifty In
dians, a dozzen grizzly boars, aud over a
hundred buffalos while he was gone, and
that settles the question of his lieing en
titled to command the parade on the
Fourth of July. A move is about to be
made to draw him out on wild Western
scenes, when somebody suddenly recol
lects that old Undo Jerry is lying at tho
point, of death. Everybody seems to feel
bad for a moment, and then it is remem
bered how hemadehis wife go barefooted
in winter, lent money at fourteen per
cent., and whipped a yoke of steers to
death, and the tide slowly turns. There
is one question, however, on which all
are agreed. Uncle Jerry, during his
palmy days, once shouldered a barrel ot
cider and carried it forty rods.
“ Yes, and I seed him do it,” siglis tlio
old man behind me. “Fact of it was, it
was all on my account, and 1 boat him
pretty bad. I was up to Fuller’s cider
mill arter a barrel of the sweet,‘when
Uncle Jerry came along with a bouncing
three-year-old steer. We got to banter
ing, arid wo finally agreed that if [ could
lift his steer I was to have him, and he
was to have the cider if lie could shoulder
it. I don’t keer to brag around now in
my old ago, but I think I lifted that steer
without even growin’ red iu the face. Un
cle Jerry turned as white asasheet, and I
thought he’d faint away, but he stuck to
his word and 1 took the steer hum. He
got a heap o’ credit all over the county
for liftin’ that cider, amlnoverlot on that
I lifted the steer, and that's one thing
I’ve kinder laid up agin the old man.”
Then the next man lies about the num
ber of crows he saw in Kansas, and so we
go until it is sharp 10 o’clock and the
mosquitoes begin to hunger for evening
lunch. Then they bid each other good
night and separate to meet and lie again.
— M. Quad.
A Befense of Cleopatra.
Allow me to inquire here, parenthetic
ally, how it happens that the queen of
Egypt has come to be regarded as ari ex
ample of extreme inconstancy. She has
been grossly misrepresented. History
tells us that she was married to her
brother, Ptolemy XII, by the will of hei
father after his death. Tlie union was
merely an arrangement of state; had no
binding force, and was not probably,
ever consummated, as the couple were
minors. Pompey was apjiointed tlieir
guardian, aud it has been intimated that
he was her lover. There was no authority
whatever for this, indeed everything
points to the contrary. He was not
merely chaste, he was alrnostpassionless,
as Cicero has testified. When Ctesar had
invaded the country, and Pompey had
1 leen miirilered, he was fascinated by
her, and she became his mistress, more
fiom love than interest. Then, in order
to give weigiit to her sovereignty, she
was given in marriage to her second
brother, a child of seven years—her
other brother, Ptolemy XII, having been
drowned—and the foremost man of all
the world lived witli her until be re
turned to Rome, carrying with him the
woman who was the most splendid part
of his splendid conquest. When he
went to his last campaign in Hispanin,
she saw him for the last time.
At Antony’s meeting with her, Caesar
had been dead nine years; so that her re
lation to him was no disloyalty to her
former protector. They were the only
men of whom she ever pretended to lie
fond, and she was devoted to them in
mind, heart and soul. The opinion that
she accepted Augustus (Octavius) Ciiisar
has no basis. Shakspqsire gives this im
pression, hut merely as a poetic license.
Cleopatra, therefore, instead of being an
incarnation of ilisloyalty, was a model of
oyalty, especially for that time. —Chicago
"Times' Long Branch Jsitter.
A vors-o man who was pleasantly en
gaged in dealing out taffy to his girl over
tile telephone wire, was much disgusted
at hearing from the central office
remark : " Please hurry up if you have
anything to say ; there is a business man
waiting for the wire."
Street Acquaintances.
You know a great many people you
are not acquainted with.
Your accustomed walks ou the street
! bring you face to face with men, women
and children every day, who grow fa
miliar to you, but you snow them not.
Just about so far from the same corner
every morning you meet the care-worn
man, weighted with life’s burdens, his
face wrinkled with the history of stmg
' gles. You always feel like taking oil
your hat to him and offering a sympa
thetic word.
The spruce young clerk, with one hun
dred and twenty steps to the minute,
glances at you sharply and whizzos by
ns if the world wouldn’t move till he got
there.
The distressed looking woman, with
pale face, shabby-genteel dress aud a
bit of resolution expressed liy her dosed
niottfh, tiresomelv comes down tho walk.
Her face has moved you to pity every
morning for a year.
What is this little breeze coming?
With metallic heel-plate clicking, diet
ing on the sidewalk like the ringing of n
clog dancer's step, jaunty hat to one
side of her hen*!, neat costume, mid a
fouev, piquant air? Meet her everyday
but don't dare to sis-ah to her.
This littlo toddling girl with bangs,
protected by an older brother, playing
on the sidewalk with hoop and dolly. A
gleam of childhood's sunshine that greets
you cheerily.
Those two jolly fellows coming, tell
ing stories ami laughing all tho way to
their work. Light hearted, because they
were born so. Youfeol like turning about
and having a laugh with them, but they
are only street, acquaintances.
The “grubbing” sort of men whom
you moot every day carrying a pipe be
tween their teeth, round-shouldered, and
having a hangdog sort of a gait perfectly
indifferent to everything. It makes
man feel blue to see them.
The grtiy-haired and inudh-bowed vet
eran, whose life is near adjournment.
You meet liim on Saturday mornings
only, leaning on liis staff, his white locks
streaming in the breeze; a picture which
we all look upon with reverence.
These are but. few types of tho people
we meet every day iu the street and
know, but are not acquainted with, Unit
are as much a part of our every day life
as are our duties that add so much to our
pleasure and opportunity for study, and
more than books or nowspajiers.—Mod
ern Arf/o.
No Place for Chlunmen.
On the rood leading from Fuirplay to
Alma and Lendville is a board sign nailed
to a tree and bearing this device: “Chi
namen arc warned not to locate in this
district. ”
Despite this warning, two foolhardy
sons of Shew mounted the stage at Fair
play lust wbek, their celestial pigtails
wound tightly about their heads, und
that portion of their garment* which
civilized people wear in their jiants flut
tering in the breeze, cn route for Alma.
Tlie smile that broadened their dark
hued fueos was one of happy thought.
The field for “washee-woehee ’ was large,
and they were tho first, in tlie race. Their
unintelligible jahlile from the top of the
coach arrested the attention of a passing
horseman, who significantly inquired of
tho driver, “have they got return tick
ets?”
The latter smiled and whipped up liis
horses, as ho thought of the tun awaiting
him at his distillation.
The celestials were spotted the mo
ment they entered town, and when the
coach stopped it was immediately sur
rounded by a crowd. The white passen
gers dismounted, hut lingered on the
skirts of tho crowd awaiting develop
ments. The Chinamen started to de
scend from their lofty perch on tlie top
of the coach, hut the end* of sharp
sticks and several rifles stretched tip to
receive them caused them to hastily
clamber up again. Amid tho cries and
hoots of the crowd to take them out and
hang them, a man stepped forward and
firmly informed the celestials, now al
most pale with fear, that tlieir place
was on top of that coach till it went
bock, when they were to go too.
And stay they did, for the remarks
were of such a tenor us to admit of no
dispute. Anil when the stage wended it*
way back to Fuirplay that night two
sad-faced Chinamen occupied tlio same
exalted scats as did the merry ones in
tho morning. — Leudville Chronicle,,
Origin of a Long Word.
To one who looks with enough cure to
words as ho pauses them to and fro to
recognize the “fossil history” which they
have been cleverly pronounced to lie, tho
word “manufacture,” with it* other forms,
is interesting as a mark of important
changes. It was framed when tilings
were literally manufactured, i. e., hand
made, and was then a correct description
of the articles to which it was applied.
But the development of machinery so far
that there is probably not an article of
use into whose production some processes
by machinery do not enter, has made
the word a gross solecism, because its
etymological meaning and its application
flutly contradict each other. When we
speak of tlie manufacture of common
pins or nails, we reallv speak of “hand
made machine-made”' pins. There are
no more “manufactured” articles in this
country; the homespun in 1770 was such,
and so was tho horse-nail which the
blacksmith so lahorously hammered out,
hut the fabrics and nails of 1870 are
hardly touched with the hand until fin
ished. Tlie word has lost its significance
witli its correctness, and retains only its
ciimbrousness. It should Is; amended
and corrected by dropping tlie first half,
leaving “factum” hi denote things made
or the making of things; “factor” could
then stand for the doer or maker, being
relieved from its present use as denoting
a commercial agent, in which latter use
it is not necessary, there being good sub
stitutes. .
A snnr.wD Western circus and menag
erie manager distributes in advance il
lustrated primers for children, in which
all the pictures and descriptions relate to
feats anil beasts to Is: seen in liis show ;
but the show itself is not mentioned,
and it is only when the posters are put
up and the familiar objects emblazoned
outhe walls that the value of the adver
tisement becomes apparent in the eager
ness of tlie young one* to r.vM the show.
i. L. DENNIS, Editor.
#I.OO a Year.
Two Great Men.
Mr. Tliompson, Secretary of the Navy,
passed through Ju re on his way to Han
Francisco, on Wednesday evening, with
his party.
In company with Delegate Downey,
Judge Blair, and United States Marshal
Hehuitzer, 1 went iuto the sjswial ear,
aud talked with him while tho train
stopped here.
The other members of the party did
most, of the talking, and I eloquently sat
ou the buck of the chair and whistled a
few burs from a little operetta that I mu
having cast at tho rolling mill. lam not
very hilarious in the presence of great
men. I am not. so much at home iu their
society as 1 am iu my owu quiet littlo
boudoir, with one leg over the piano and
the other tangled up among the $2,800
lace curtains and Majolica dogs.
By aud by T thought that I had better
show the Secretary that I knew nioro
thfUi the Casual observer would siijijaise,
and I said, “ Mr. Thompson, how’s your
navy looking this summer? Huvo you
sheared your iron-clad rams yet, and if
so, what w ill tho clip average, do you
think ?” Ho laughed a merry, rippling
laugh, and said if ho was at home he
would swear that he whs iu the nrescuco
of the mental giant, William G. MeJJuo.
I was very much pleased with the Sec
retary. This will insure tlio brilliant suc
cess of his Western trip.
I could sec that he was accustomed to
the vory liest of society, for he stood
there in the blinding glare of my daz
zling beauty os self-iHiHsuHsod aud cool as
though ho were at home, talking with
Ben Butler and Oonkling and Carpenter
and other rising young men.
There is a striking resemblance bo
tween the Secretary and myself. We
are both tall and slender, with roguish
eyes and white hair. His, however, is
white from age, ami is a kind of bluish
white. Mine is white because it never
hud moral courage or strength of charac
ter enough to be any other color. It
also lias more of a lemon-colored tinge to
it. than the Secretary's has.
We resemble each other in several
more respects. One is that we aro
both United Status officials. He is u
member of tbeCabiuetand lam a United
States Commissioner. We are 1 Kith great
men, but I have succeeded better in
keeping it a profound secret than he hue.
—Blit Nye, in the Denver Tribune,
A Luckless Tramp.
Home time ago a tramp got into the fire
box of ft stationary engine that was being
shipped on a flat ear to the Pacific const.
By some freak of misfortune to him a
careful lirnkcuian closed tlio furnace-door
on him, and the solitary jiicnicker was
alone witli his conscience and a few
friends that had come along witli him to
represent the National Bug Bureau.
At first he thought it was a joke, and
ho iuuglied a smothered, hysterical
laugh, hut as tho hours drngged on and
lie didn't know whether it was day or
night, or whether it was tlie Fourth of
July or eternity, lie concluded to attract
the attention of the outside world, so he
pounded on the inside of his ongo till his
arms nchod. He might ns well have
tried to get out of a fire and burglar proof
safe witli a corkscrew.
One day, tliiuiigh curiosity, a railrood
boy opened tlie door of tlio engine fur
nace and hsiked in. Tho broad sole of
an old boot was turned up at the door,
anil tho brakemon took hold of it and
snatched it out. It was followed by an
attenuated piece of humanity, that rat
tled around on tho car like an old um
brella.
The bystanders reviewed him and
asked him if ho didn’t feel hungry. He
said he did feel a kind of goneness in the
gastric regions.
An old man, who was then aiding treas
urer of tlio Irish Relief Fund, took the
job of filling him up. That is the reason
why Ireland missed the beneficial effects
of the relief fund for several months, at
a lime when sho needed it worst.—Den
ver Tribune,
The Tragedian’s Daughter.
On Howard street, the other day,
“Where are you going, my pretty
maid ?” asked a benevolent old gentle
man, as ho chucked under the chin a lit
tle tot of a six-year-old, who was walking
gravely along witli u bucket on her arm.
“Give thee good-day, grayhenrd,” re
plied the midget, simply. “Mv father
bode me. to the shambles hie for a fat
haunch.”
“W-w-wlmt?” ejaculatedtlioold party.
“Haply thou knowest him, the good
man Hk id more?” inquired the tiny dame.
“N-o-o," said the gentleman, much
puzzled at tlie evident earnestness of tho
child. “You’re a quaint littlo thing.
Come with me and T will buy you some
candy.”
"Alack 1 I am forbid to terry, gentle
sir. J need lie blithe. Their patieuoe
stays iijimi my coming.”
“ Good-bye," said the old gentleman.
“Rest you, merry master," and dip
ping a chubby little, courtesy, the mite
trotted off.
“ Bless my soul 1 wliat an extraordi
nary child!” said the gentleman to a
neighbor, who had been looking on.
"Oli! that’s nothing,” replied the
other. “ You see she’s tho daughter of
Bilsou, the heavy man at tho theater,
and I suppose they talk so much of that
kind of lingo in tlio family that it come*
natural to her. Doesn’t hear anything
else, you see.”— San Francisco Post.
An Oil City man went fishing Satur
day, and In- came home witli nothing hut
a little half-pound bass. “Is that all
you caught? ' asked Ids friends. “ That's
all,” replied tlie man. “How muny
bites did you have?” “None,” exclaimed
the fisherman, and tlio whole crowd
cried, “He’s found! lie’s found! Here
is the honest fisherman. ” He’d have
had fifty invitations to drink in ten min
utes if a small hoy hadn’t broken through
the crowd, and said: “Hoe here mister,
yer gave me a bogus nickel for that air
fish. And now that crowd ha* no faith
in human nature.
Last Monday, a gentleman went into
a drug store and asked to buy a piece of
soap. “Can’t sell anything but med
icines ou Sunday.” “But, man alive,
don’t you know that cleanliness is next
to godiine**?” “Well, I can’t help it, if
it is.” “ You don't half try,” reiqxmded
tlie searcher for soap, as lie went out
without it.
A MESMERIC SEANCE.
And HawUAflldMla'rrlMa Barkoofso,
[San Fianetooo I’oot. J
The other morning, while the swell
barkeeper at Baldwin's was putting on
extra imlisli on some pony glasses, a cou
ple of strangers entered, and, us they
ordered drinks, one of them, a king
haired, caduveroue person in a faded ul
ster, said:
“Oh, it’s very easily done, I assure
you.”
“Easy I” exclaimed his companion,
with much animation; "why, it's the
most remarkable—the most ustouishing
thing I ever saw. Wliat did yon say you
called it?”
" Mesmerism,” said the long haired
man, holding his glass up to the light.
“ The principle was discovered by a Ger
man scientist named Mesmer, although
it ih, unquestionably, identical with the
animal magnetism known to the early
Greeks. Tacitus says—"
“ But you don't mean to say,” inter
rupted the other, who was making a for
midable demonstration ou the free lunoh,
“you don’t mean to say, Professor, that
the person subjected to tho influence
lmsii t the faintest idea of what's going
on ?”
••• Exactly,” said tlio Professor. “ The
person uuiier the influence of mesmerism
has no more solf-eonsciousness than a
cane-bottomed eluvir. For illustration,
do you see that man at the corner over
t here ? He is evidently waiting for a car
j,ig hurry to go somewhere —aud yet T
could Bring him into this saloon iu a per
fectly unconscious state iu less than two
minutes.”
"Bet you five dollars yon can t do it,
said tlie 'other man, producing a some
what dubious looking V.
“ Ya-a-s," added the barkeeper, arrange
ingliis diamond pin in tlie glass, "and
IU go him twenty better lie oau't do it."
“Well— or— hem—gentlemen I don’t
want to rob you- and—ahem—l’m not
sure T have that much with me,” faltered
the professor.
“Oh! you haven't eh?” said the oook
tail mixer, winking at tho bystanders,
who were, also, fumbUng out thoir ooin.
“ Well, wo’ll trust you. Just fire away,
and if you win, you can take the pot.”
“ WeU, gentlemen, I suppose 131 have
to try anyway,” anil amid a variety of
significant winks from the gathering
crowd of bystanders, lie. walked to the
window and began making a series of
mysterious passes in tho air, with his
eye* fixed on the party at tlie corner.
“ Did you ever see such a blamed idiot?”
said the barkeeper. ‘' Looks like a Santa
Clara windmUl, doesn’t—hello 1 by Jove,
the feller’s coming 1”
The man on the corner lmd slowly faced
the window, passed his hand across Ills
eyes in • liewUdered manner and then
began walking in an uncertain way nor os*
the street. “It wiU have more effeot on
him when he geta closer," said the pro
fessor.
The man entered the saloon and stood
still, loi iking straight ahead with a vacant
expression.
“ I'|l make him ask you for a drink,”
whispered tlie disciple of Mesmer. “Just
stand back, gentlemen,” anil sure enough,
the subject walked mechanically up to
the counter, and asked in a hoUow voice
for a little old rye.
“ Give it to him—humor him in every
thing,” whispered the professor, aud tlie
victim solemnly swallowed the drink and
then stood motionless as before.
" Now I'll make him think he’s an ac
tor," said tho illustrator of will power,
and immediately the other began to strut
about and recite Hliakcsjieare iu a tragio
voioo.
“ Make him bark like a (log,” sug
gested the man who had bet the live dol
farH. Whereupon the man began to imi
tate a terrier, and tried to bite a specta
tor, to the immense amusement of every
body. After that he was caused to do
several tliiugs, such as crowing like a
rooster, catching a fly and pocketing the
“pool” money which lay on the counter.
" Make him think he keeps the bar,”
put in the Professor’s friend, and the
subject walked promptly around behind
the counter, turned up his alcevos and
compounded a cocktail, put the money in
the drawer and counted out the change
with great deliberation.
“Now,” said the Professor “we will
make him put the contents of the drawer
into ljis own pocket, thou restore him to
consciousness and accuse him of having
stolen the money.”
Everylrody said that would be a first
rate joke, and then the five dollar man
thought it would be better to let him
walk outside and arrest him in the street
—his astonishment would be all the
greater, he said.
The man solemnly cleaned out’the till,
walked from behind the bar and out of
tho door. As soon as he struck the
pavement, however, ho darted down
Powell street at a three minute clip.
“ Dear mo,” shouted the professor. “I
must have been thinking about running,
somehow. Come on, Mr. Hmoothy, and
help me catch him,” and the sold sub
duer and his friend dashed off in pursuit.
They arc still waiting at the Baldwin
for tho return of the trio, who must have
divy’d about 855 apiece, and the detec
tives think they ore liable to wait for a
long time. The barkeeper says lie
wishes ho may be blunk blanked to ever
lasting b'ankation, while Manager Tom
Maguire, who is out JfH on the mesmeric
proposition, says he's half a mind to have
the whole tiling dramatized for tho full
season
A Lost Occupation.
The Hon. John Wentworth compre
hends the present condition of politic*.
Ho says that the newspaper Inis iniido
the orator a thing of the past, and de
stroyed the usefulness of mass meeting*
and other clap-trap accessories or cam
paigns. And why? Himply because
they present the arguments of parties
if they are party journals, or tho facts if
the newspapers are independent, and
tlie reader is enabled to decide for him
self, uninfluenced by appeals to liis pas
sions and uncontrolled by tlie personal
mngtietlsm of orators. The voter, hav
ing become n reader, is also a thinker.
Asa thinker he rises superior to dema
gogues and their tools.
In a communication to the British
Royal Bociety of Literature, Mr. J. IV.
Rcilliouse combats the generally accepted
theory that the Aryan races of mankind
originated in the l’amir highlands of
Central Asia, spreadingin a northwesterly
direction into Europe, and southwesterly
into India. He believes that the polar
regions, wliieli at one time possessed a
tropical temperature, formed the original
home of man.
Said Funny Fogg, at a private bath
ing establishment: “I have always heard
that yon couldn’t make a silk purse out
of a sow's car, hut these people contrive
to till their purse out of a souse ’ere. ”
Nobody laughed. The remark was toe
painful.
“ Why, "asked a governess of her lit
tle charge, “ do we pray God to give us
our daily bread ? Why don’t we ask lor
four days, or five days, or a week ?”
“ Because we want it fresh,” replied the
ingenious child.