Newspaper Page Text
VOL. I—NO. 33.
garicn f imlu-r ferttc,
PUBLISHED EVERY
SATURDAY MORNING,
uA
RICHARD W GRUBB
OFFICE IN PHILLIPS BUILDING.
Subscription Rates, in Advance.
For one year 42 50—Fdi nix monllis. .|t.so
Club Rates:
Five collies, eacli one year 2 no
Ten •' or over, each one year 150
Advertising Rates ;
!>!■••( SQUARE, 10lines space, first insertion. .$1 50
' •*’ Each sobsequeht insertion.... 100
►wr* ftpedal Ra/eelo Yearly ana Large Advert hers.
Advertisements from responsible pnßl'cs will be
p iblishcd until ordered out. when the tiille is not
s rifled on the copy, and paynibht exfitted accord,
inirly. . , .
Communications Tor indivitiViu benefit, or of a
personal character, charged as liv’Veriisements.
Marriages, and Obituary notices not exceeding
roar lines, solicited for free publication. When ex
tending that space, charged as advethsements.
dills lor advertisements due upon p-esentation
after the first '-.sertion, but a spirit of commercial
i Virility will be practiced toward regular pat rons.
To avoid any misunderstanding, the above rules
will be adhered to without deviation.
All letters and communications should be address-
Richard W. Grubb,
IUUIEN, GA.
PITY DIRECTORY.
County Officers.
Count!/ Commissioners— T. P. Poaso. Chairman. -T.
P. Oilsuin, -Tamea Walker, Jam' a LiinklUon, H. 1,.
Morris. 1.. Mclntosh. Thom is Gignilliat.
Clerk It. O. ft. —Hr. S. Kenan.
Clerk Superior Court— Isaac M. Aiken.
Ordinary— Lewis Jackson.
Sheriff— James K. Bennett,
Deputy Sheriff— Alonzo Guyton.
Receiver Tux Returns —Madison Thomas.
Tux Collector— S. W. Wilson.
Comfy Treasurer— E P. Champney.
■phe Commissioners meet fust Wednesday in each
month.
Municipal Officers.
Ex-Off. Mayor— T. P. Pease.
Hr.. Off. Aldermen— Jas. P. Gilson. James Walker,
james T/icklispn, It. I/. Morris. 1,. Mclntosh, Thos.
Gignilliat.
Clerk am! Treasurer— Dr. S. Kenan.
City Mure hell —Robert K. Carr.
Murhor Mutter —0. I!. Stcadwell.
Inspector General —E. S. Barclay.
Police Court every morning at 12 o'clock.
Port Wartime. —Isaac M. Aiken, John 11. Burrell,
James G. Yount;.
Coroner.— John 11. Burrell.
U. S. Officers.
Collector of Cue I out..* Ilrunsu'irk Dls/rit /-John T-
Collins. Headquarters at Brunswick.
Deputy Collector of Customs for Toi l of Darien—
Chas. 11. Townsend.
U.S. Mails.
Postmaster —T). W. TTavis.
The mail leaves Darien every Wednesday and Sat
hrday at !> o'clock A. M.. for Mclntosh No. 3, A, A-
G. R. !!,.. maKine close connections with tttitiistJning
North and South.
The. mail arrives from Mclntosh. No. 3, A. <fc G.
ft. It., every Tuesday and Fiiihn evenintrsat So'clk.
Mails close every Wednesday and Saturday at C .
h'elock.
Religious.
Religions services at the Catholic. Church every
Sunday morning. at. the Ktilgv. at halt-past ten
o'clock. Father Pope, officialine
Thee are relitriotis services at the Methodist 11.
Chureli every Sahliath owning at 3 and S o'clock —
ftev. It. M. Lockwood. Pastor.
Religions services at the. Episcopal Clinch every
Sunday morning at 11 o'clock. Rev. It. F. Chile,
Pastor.
R''!igion a services every Sahliath at 11 A. M., 3P.
M. and 7 P. M., at the colored Baptist Chinch—Rev.
It. Millin. Pastor.
Religious services every Sabbath a* 11 A. M . and
3 I*. M.. at the Methodist Church (colored) —Rev. S.
Brown, Pastor.
Masonic.
Live Oak Lodge No 137 meets first Wednesday in
each month at their Hall near the Magnolia House.
K. P. Champn'cy, W. M. A. E Carr, Secretary-
CHANGE OFimlZr
® ***; M&Uf.iY,
GENE'L SUPERINTENDENT'S OFFICE, 1
ATLANTIC AND GULF KAILIIOAI). >
savannah, October 11 1873. )
ON AND AFTER SATURDAY, OCTOBER 12.
1573. Passenger Trains on this road will run as
follows:
EXPRESS PASSENGER.
Leave Savannah daily at 4:30 P. M.
Arrive at. Jesup daily at 8:15 P. M.
Arrive at Bainhridge daily at 8:1.7 A. M.
Arrive at Albany daily at thill A. M.
Arrive at Live Oak daily at 8:55 A. M.
Arrive at Jacksonvile daily at 10:12 A. M.
Arrive at. Tallahassee daily at 2:20 P. M.
Leave Tallahassee daiiy at 10:55 A. M.
Leave Jacksonville daily at .i. 2;40 P. M.
Leave Live Oak daily at 3:05 P. M.
Leave Albany daily at. 3:10 P. M.
Leave Bninbriiigu daily at, 4:30 P. M.
Leave Jesup daily at 5:00 A. M.
Arrive at Savannah daily at S’2o A. M.
Sleeping Car runs through to Jacksonville.
Passengers for Brunswick take this Train, arriving
ht Brunswick daily at, 10:30 P M.
Arrive at Brunswick daily at. 10:30 P. M,
Leave Brunswick 2:30 A. M.
Arrive at Savannah 8:20 A. M.
Passengers from Macon by M. and B. 8:00 A. M.,
train conned at Jesup with Wain for Elorida. Pas
sengers frdn>*Florida connect fit Jesup with train
arriving ih Macon at 4:30 I*. M.
ACCOMMODATION TRAIN.
(EASTERN DIVISION.)
Leave Savannah (Monday, Wednesday and
Friday) at 6:50 A. 51.
Arrive at Jesup (Monday, Wednesday and
Friday) at 12:30. P.M.
Arrive at. Lawton .Monday, Wednesday and
Friday) at LOO P, M.
Leave Lawton (Tuesday, Thursday and Sat
tifday at 5:48 A. 51.
LeaVe Jestip (Tuesday. Thursday and Satur
day) at...:;;..... 12:40 P. M.
Atnve at SaVatlnah (Tuesday, Thursday and
Saturday) at 5:15 P. 51.
ACCOSIMODATION TRAIN.
(WESTERN DIVISION.)
Lawton (Sunday excepted).. 1:25 A. 51.
Arrive at Valdosta. “ 0:33 A.M.
Arrive at Quitman, “ 10:54 A. 51.
Arrive at Thomasville •* 2:40 P. 51.
Arrive at Albany, “ 7:00 P- 51.
Leave Albany, •• 8:15 A. M,
Leave Thomasville, “ 2:10 P. M.
Leave Quitman, “ 4:15 P. M.
Leave \aldosta, “ 5:38 P. M.
Arrive at Lawton, •* 8:05 P. 51.
Connecting at Albany With Ni . lit Train on South
western Railroad, leaving Albany Sunday, Tuesday
® n .d Thursday and arriving at Albany Monday,
" odnesday and Friday.
"rainp on Brunswick and Albany Railroad leave
Junction (No. 0, A. and G. It. R.) for Albany
on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, at 11;00 A. 51.,
and arrive from Albany Tuesday, Thursday ahd
baturdav, 2:4!) P. M.
slail Steamerl eaves Bainbiidge for Apalachicola
every Thursdav. at 8 A. 51.
H. S. HAINES, Gefll. Smit.
'e®! 4 Id . A#- . y u
i 0 |HI Cpr^3otto
FALL AND WINTER, 1874-3.
EDWARD J. KENNEDY,
MERCHANT TAILOR,
l‘2(i IJronghton stree!, ixnxnmnh, Georgia.
Invites the. attention of his former patrons and the
public in general to his new selected stock of fine
English and French Digdunls, Cassimers and Fancy
Vestings, all of the choicest goods adapted to the
season, which will be made up to order in the most,
approved fashions.
Ail goods warranted as represented. Bcpl9-ly
WAITER A. WAIT,
ATT () R N E Y
AND
Counsellor at Law,
AND
RIAL ESTATE AGENT,
DARIEN, GA.
TX7ILL pi'aetico in theSnperiorCourfs of thecouu-
Vt ties of McTntosh. Camden. Glynn, Wayne, Ap
pling, Tattnall, Liberty and Bryan. Also' in the
Federal Courts in cases of Bankruptcy, &c.
Particular attention given to the collection of
claims, and the examination of Land Titles.
April 20 —
NOTICE.
pONSIGNEES ol the ST!L CARItTE will please
V ' take notice that on and afier July 2d. 1874. all
goods MUST BE RECEIPTED on the wharf, and
all goods stored will bo at the risk of the owners or
consigecs.
•T. 11. SMITH,
June 26—tf. * Captain Str. Carrie.
J. B. L. BAKER. M. D.
LAFFERS Ids professional services to the ptihlie.
V / Special attention given to diseases
OF CHILDREN,
SEi- I Alls presented first of each month.
July 11-ly.
MAGNOLIA HOUSE!!
DARIEN, : : GEORGIA.
AT ANY additions have been made in this house
•'* during the past month, and the Proprietor taken
pleasure in saying to his old
FA TIU>NS A.A f) F ll JEX DS
?uul to all who desire FIRST-CLARS .‘fcro'ninioil;!-
tions. that he i* ready to satisfy them at the follow*
i lt rules :
I'o.ird ananand s —£30,00
'J’iihle Board “ 25.00
Board and iodirii g " 1 ' week £ 10,00
Board ** “ per day 0.00
Meals each 75
■ 75
A. S. CARR, Proprietor,
M. CONWAY", Clerk.
Mclntosh County High School,
THIS SCHOOL WILL OPEN AT
The School House
on the Rvlge, at 9 o'clock a. m., on MONDAY, Hie
19th day of October, 1871, under charge of
G A#DX! .H HHiIiCKS,
riiitrip.ii.
3lsss ('LI FF< )R 13 ST A X FO i 1 1),
A ssista tat.
The trustees desire the prompt and punctual at
tendance of all pupils with such hooks as they may
now have.
For further particulars applv to the Chairman ol
the Board. 15. S. BARCLAY,
Octl7-tf Chairman.
Savannah Machine Shops and
1501 LEU WORKS.
MONAHAN, PARRY & C 0
MACHINISTS, ENGINEERS,
BOILER MAKERS,
IRON AND BRASS FOUNDERS.
Corner of Ba / and Randolph Streets,
Eastern Wharves. Savannah, Ga.
All kinds of Castings made to Older. En
gines, Boilers, Threshing Machines, and nil
kinds of Machinery made and repaired.
Wrought Iron Pipe and Pipe Fittings, from
to 3 inches, constantly on hand. OctlO-3m
P.M. LOCKWOOD & CO.,
COMMISSION MERCHANTS
AND
PURCHASEMG AGENTS
No. 404 NORTH SECOND STftEET.
St- Louis, Missouri.
-
Speciall attention given to the purchase, on order,
of Grain, Flour. Bacon, Machinery and Farming
Implements, in all which they have had a long ex
perience. Sef>26 3m
GOODYEAR & HARRIS,
A TTORXEYS A T LA W,
BRUNSWICK, - GEORGIA.
/ iFFtCE—Corner Newcastle and Gloucester et’rs.,
* ) over Drug store of J. S. Blaiu & Cos.
Will practice in all the counties of the Brunswick
Circuit and the city of Darien, Ga.
A tut. 1-ly.
DARIEN, GEORGIA, . SATURDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 5,1871.
W!V. BHENCK.
BOOT Sc SHOE MAKER,
DAI'IKX, GEORGIA.
{S NOW prepared to do any sort of work in the
Boot and Shoe line. Custom-made boots furnish
ed at reasonable prices. Shop at. I!. Pfeiffer's, oppo
site Magnolia House.
.May 80— *
Putnam’s
UVERV STABLE,
i) UUE\ & BIUNSWIGK, GA.
A. T. PUTNAM, Prt’r.
May- 2-tf.
IU RR WINTON.
CONTRACTOR AND JIIILDER,
BRUNSWICK, GA.
[>LANS and Specifications furnished on short no
1 tice. Will contract to erect Buildings in every
style. Also superintend Buildings at reasonable
prices. All orders left with the firm of Atwoods &
Avery, Darien, Gn., will be attended to with ,:is
patch. Julv i tf.
W. Mobert Gigailliat,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
D/UHEN* GA>
{ jRO.MP l ATTENTION given toalllegal husines
1 in the Eastern and Briin-wick Circuits, and i
the United States Courts at Savannah.
April 25—ly . '
L. E. B. D LCfcRME,
ATTORNEY AT LAW
AND
NOTARY PUBLIC.
DARIEN, GEORGIA.
AJTILL practice in the Brunswick and Eastern Cir
" cuits. Patronage solicited. Office next door
to Wilcox & Chnrcbill-’s store.
July 4-1 y.
Dr. SPALDING KENAN,
DARIEN, GA.
/"YFFERS his professional service to the citizens of
G Darien and vicinity. lie can be found at i’ll
hours and ,y and night. id his office on Screven street,
next door to Mr. Wilcox’ dwelling.
As;;. 8-1 y.
Game Chickens.
l T. PUTNAM, has at his stable in this place.
‘* • tlie pure Mark Sumatra Game ( Jjjekeiis, and
offers to sell Eggs to any one wishing lo raise from.
They are the best chickens for this climate, and are
hi tter than other breeds for laving eggs. Call and
take a look at them.
THE PULASKI BAR
—AND—
RESTAURANT!
BROAD STREET,
OPPOSITE THE MAGNOLIA HOUSE,
DARIEN, GEORGIA.
fJMiE undersigned would inform his friends and
i the public that, lie has filled up the above
House, and is now prepared to furnish Meals to the
travelling public, at all hours, day or night, at short
notice.
Special attention will he given to private parties,
and Suppers furnished, such as
GAME; OYSTERS IN EVERY STYLE,
FISH, PORTER- HOUSE STEAKS,
AND ALT. AT
The Lowest Übssibße Prices.
The Bar is stocked with good
WINES, LIQUORS AXD CIGARS!
MILK PUNCHES and other FANCY* DRINKS
made a specialty ami served in first-class style.
I will in Hie future, as in the past, make every
effort to please all who favor me with their patron
age.
M. CONWAY,
Oot3l-t.f Agent.
New Slore. New Goods, New Men i
ATTENTION EVERYBODY!
COLEMAN Sc COLL AT
Having inet finished and equipped their new store
on Broad street they beg leave to invite the atten
tion of tlie people of Darien and surrounding coun
try to their well selected stock of
BRIT GOODS,
GROCERIES, HATS AND CAPS,
BOOTS AM) SHOES,
and everything usually kept in a general variety
store.
TIMBER MEM FROM TIIE UP COUNTRY
will find it to their advantage to give ns a Call when
they bring timber to this market.
OUR GOODS ARE ALL NEW AND FRESH
and families in Darien Would find it to their advan
tage to buy their supplies from 113.
WE GUARANTEE PERFECT SATISFACTION
to all those buying goods from ns.
CALL AND EXAMINE OUR GOODS.
COLEMAN & COLLAT,
OctSl-tf BiiOAD STREET, DARIEN, GA.
AN ORDINANCE
7o In ei'lit led an Ordinance In provide foe tin
Prelection of Public and Pricatc lie filings.
Tree if, ‘and far other Tn eposes.
SucrsoN 1. The Bonrcl of Uor.nty Cotn
. _ linssioners ( xcivising jiuiMlictieii in
the City of Darien do ordain, mid if is here
by ordiiiin and by the authority of the same,
that from mid after the passage of thin ordi
nance it shall not be lawful for any person
or poisons to affix or paste tiny paper or ad
vertisement upon any public wall, fence
building or tree in said cit.y being public or
private except in the usual place used for
that purpose for any matter of a public na
iure, or in such place as they shall be per
mitted so to do by any private individual,
ihe owner or lessee of such private building,
and except also by permission obtained from
the Chairman or some member of the Board
or of the Marshal of said City of Darien,
under a peualty of SKI and imprisoned for
the space of live days; and in no case, shall
the city buildings or fences or walls be used
for such purpose except by some officer of
said hoard or city for the purpose of pub
lishing some notice emanating from his or
their respective office. The imprisonment
being in the po#*r of the Chairman or act
ing Chairman pro tempore to remit upon
payment of fines.
Sec. 2. And he it further ordaiuSd, &c
That any person or persons who shall deface
or cause to be defaced liny public or private
wall, fence, building or tree box by figures,
letters, marks or devices with any' chalk,
pencil, ink, paint, knife, or by pasting, slick
ing, or fastening same upon any place afore
said with the consent of the owner or occu
pant shall, on conviction bo fined in a sum
not tofexceed $lO for each offence, whether
said premises be the property of the city,
State, county or United States by actual
ownership or lease, or the property of any
private person, action to he upon complaint
of the injured party or otherwise.
Sec. 3. And it is further ordained, Ac.,
That any person or person who shall cut
break, fell or otherwise injure or destroy, or
injure any shade tree or other tree (except
upon 1 iis or their individual property and
not useful for the beautifying or shading of
any street, lane, or other public place in said
city) shall on conviction be lined in a sum
not to exceed $1(1 for each offence, and itn
■irisonmcd for ten days, and no person shall
hurl, throw, pitch or east, any stone, brick
hat, shell, or other thing of like nature
against or cm, or into all trees, free box.
railing, fence, wall, house, building, or in
any street or other highway in said city,
upon pain of like penalties, the imprison
ment being in the power ot the Chairman or
acting Chairman pro tan., to remit upon
payment of tines.
Sec. 4. And it is further ordained, Ac ,
That air- person who shall tie or hitch any
horse, mule or other animal to any tree,
tree box, or pump, the property of the city
of Darien, or to any tree, tree box or fence
being private property (unless by owner's
permission) shall be guilty of a misdemea
nor and bo subject to a line of not to exceed
ten dollars.
iSj: \ 5. And it is further ordained, Ac.,
That any person, the master, mate, owner,
consignee or any atlachee fit' any v -sscl or
boat, who shall at any time, without per
mission, discharge and deposit any ballast
>; rubbish of any kind on any public dock
or wharf in said city shall be lined in a sum
of not to exceed 820. Provided, such per
mit, so obtained, shall be given by the City
Marshal, acting under the instructions of
the Chairman of Board or of the Chairman
Committee on Docks and Wharves of the
said Hoard setting forth the exact spot and
the quality to be so deposited.
Sec. 6. And be it further ordained by
the authority aforesaid. That all ordinances
or parts of ordinances militating against
this ordinance he and the same is hereby
repealed.
Passed by the Board of County Commis
sioners September Otli, IS7I.
■SPALDING KENAN,
Nov7-9t ' Clerk and Treasurer.
D. B. WING,
MEASURER AND INSPECTOR
—OF—
Timber arid Lumber,
Respectfully solicits patron
age-
DARIEN, - - - GA.
Miy-2-om,
T. O. BROMLEY,
PRACTICAL TINNER, COPPER-SMITH,
Mill and Steamboat Jobber,
Has permanently located here. With twenty-two
years experience, (in the Canadas, and every
State in the Union. East, West, North and South),
he feel* confident that he can do any work that is
given to him. He has also had two years experience
in the jewelry business, before commencing the tin,
and will repair clocks, watches, &c.
T. ('. BROMLEY,
Oci24-lt Next to Ilaws & 'lyler’s.
WILLIAM HOME,
DEALER IN
Wines, LiquDfs and Cigars,
73 St. Julian & 154 Congress Streets;
Savannah, Ga.
May 16—tim.
DISSOLUTION OF t’OI'AKT.YF.RSHIIN
milE FIRM OF ATWOODS & AVERY is this
A day dissolved. J. A. Atwood is alone author
ized to collect accounts due the firm.
-T. A. ATWOOD.
W. 11. AVERY. Jr.,
J. A!. ATWOOD.
W. H. ATWOOD,
G. E. ATWOOD.
Darien, Ga., October 9, 1874.
COPARTNERSHIP NOTICE.
r pilE undersigned members of the old firm of
i Atwoods * Avery have formed a copartnership
under the firm name of J. A. A 1 WOOD & BROS.,
and will do business at the old stand of Atwoods
Avery.
A liberal share or the public patronage is solicited.
J. A. ATWOOD,
J. M. ATWOOD.
W. 11. ATWOOD,
G. E AT WOOD.
Darien, Ga., October 9,1874.
HAVE your damper in your pipe as near the
chimney as possible, the more heat you save.
Made by T. C. 15ROMLEY'. lIOV7-H
Mr- Smiley’s Gnu*
Max \do!it !'•. lutes this slorv:
Remdi'lv if occurred to Mr. Smiley,
of D.ubeV; lliat it would be a good
thing to go out to sco if ho couldn’t
shoot :t mbit or two. He always kept,
his gun loaded and ready in the coi
ner of the room, so he merely shoul
dered it and weld out. After a while
lm saw ti ml b t, ami, taking trim, he
pulled til-;- trigger. The gun failed to
go off. Then lie pulled the other
trigger, and the cap snapped again.
Mr. Smiley used some extreme lan
guage, and then, taking a pin, he
picked the In']". 1 s of the gun, primed
them wrfTi a little powder, and started
again. Presently he saw .another
rabbit, but both caps snapped pgain.
The rabbit did not see Smiley, so lie
put on more cape, and they snapped
too. Then Smiley cleaned out the
nipples again, primed them, and fired
the gun off at a fence. Then the caps
snapped again. Then Smiley became
furious, and in Iris rage he e xpended
forty-seven caps in an effort to make
the gun go off. Wheff the forty-sev
enth cap missed also; Smiley thought
that there might, perhaps, bo some
thing the matter with the inside of
the gun, so he tried the barrels with'
his ramrod. To his utter dismay, 1 o
discovered tlpit both barrels were
empty. Mrs. Smiley, who is nervous
about firearms, had drawn the loads
without telling Smiley, for fear of
making him angry. If there ban been
a welkin anywhere about, it would
probably have been made to ring wit h
Mr. Smiley’s excited denunciations of
Mrs. Smiley. Finally, however, he
became cooler, and, loading both bar
rels, he started again after rabbits.
He saw one in a few moments, and
was about to fire, when ho noticed
that there were no caps on his gun.
He felt for one, and, to his dismay,
found that he had snapped the last
one off. Then he ground his "teeth
and walked home. On his way there
he saw at least six hundred rabbits.
He has been out hunting every day
since, however, with his gun in first
rate order, and he has never lad eyes
oil a solitary rabbit. Smiley is begin
ning to think something is wrong in
the government of the universe.
—
£."5?”Go(1 has never create ! a mind
vet that can safely challenge combat
with the appetite of drink. Earth Luts
no ambition which is not engulpiied,
no hope which is not blasted, no lie
which is not broken, no sanctuary
which is not invaded, no friend, no
kinsman, wife or child, that is not. for
gotten; no fibre of human agony
which is not wrung. Minds of com
moil mould will go through life with
out excess, while those gifted with
God-like powers, are smitten with
weakness. The gifted author of‘Child
Harold’ walked in tatters, and died at
Missolodghi, Greece, of a drunken Y!e
baueb. He who led the prosecution
in the British Parliament against
Hastings, was hurried to the grave to
escape the clutch of his landlords—
poor Charlie Fox! And the author
of ‘Gertrude of Wyoming’ died a driv
eling imbecile. How the ‘Gentle Elia’
wept over the habit that enthralled
him—-how these tragedies of human
individual history, of temptation and
fill, stalk before us! The history of
the best minds of weakness and ruin.
Keep the Farm and Home Tidy'.—
Somebody, we know not who, wrote,
yenrs ago, the following good advice.
Like other good tilings it comes to
tne surface occasionally and will bear
repeating:
If you get a moment of time spruce
up; put the gate on the lting* s, pitta
little paint on the picket fence you
built last year; trim up the door yard,
make it, coozy and inviting. Do not
saj r yon can find no time to attend to
these things. The fact is, you have
no right to be slovenly. It can do to
good, but on the contrary it will mar
your peace, wound your self-respect
and impair your credit. Then, bv all
means, spruce up a little, at odd times,
and even at times too, for that matter.
Jt will make you feel vastly better,
and mabe a trille proud of your pretty
homestead. Your wife and children
will he made happier for it, your
neighbors will he enriched, beautified
and blessed by it. And your farm will
be worth more money in the market
and of greater value to you at home,
if you spruce up a little now and then.
jgg? Someone w rote to Horace Gree
ley inquiring if guano was good to
put on potatoes. He said it might do
for those whose tastes had become
vitiated with tobacco and rum, but be
preferred gravy and butter,
BgyThere are forty-five poet offices
in the United States by the name of
Washington, and yet. people will tell
lies.
j&sy My success is owing to my lib
erality in advertising.—Bonner:
92.50 A YEAR.
How Gunner Got a Speech*
Adder tells this: Brown and
Gunner; two politibians down fn my
neighborhood,' were both invited the
otln i day to address a meeting at ail
agricultural fair, and both accepted.
Brown D a very careful man, and ho
always wiites oilt his speeches, and
frequently reads them from the manu
script; while Gil liner, who is ever
ready, always pilches in without pre
paration, and trusts to luck for the
result. On the night before the meet
ing, the two roomed together at the
hotel, mid as tlu-y were going to bed,
Gunner saw Drown place a roll of pa
per on the bateau. After he got into
bed, it occurred to Gunner that this
must be Brown’s speech, and then a
happy thought struck him. He wait
ed till Brown began to snore, then he
got softly out ol bed, seized the
speech, mpt out of the room and
went down stairs. He sat up all
night learning the speech; as lie had
an astonishing memory, lie had it by
heart by breakfast time. Then Gun
ner went back to bed for a short nap;
and Drown had no idea that he had
beeu absent. "When the meeting was
opened, Gunner insisted on speaking
first. As he began. Brown was sur
prised to observe that Gunner’s speech
began just as his did, and he smiled
at the odd coincidence. Presently he
ceased to smile, and began to be as
tonished; then an expression of pain
overspread his face; then he became
hot ami mad; and finally, in a parox
ysm of rage, lie leaped up and tried
to stop Gunner, lint the audience
took the part of Gunner, and called
for the police. Then Brown sat down
nearly choking with wrath, and when
Gunner, after uttering the last words
of Brown’s speech, coolly concluded
by introducing Brown to the audience
as the next speaker. Brown bounded
up, and, shaking his fist under Gun
ner’s nose, shrieked, “I’ll not make
any speech after you, you mean, low
life, uiutton-headed thief. But I’ve
half a notion to murder you,’ and
t lien he fled, amid roars of laughter
from tha audience. Gunner and ho
don’t speak to each other now.
Social Equality—The White Trash.
—“Epbrein, come to your mudderj
boy Whar you bin ?”
“Playing will de Whits folks’
chilnm ”
“You is, eh ? See liyar; chile, you’l
broke your old madder's heart, and
brung her grey hairs in sorrow to de
grave wi t yer reckltininess an’ carry
ins on wid ebil ussoyashuns. Ilabn’t
I raised you up in de way you should
ought to go?’'
“Yotk uni.”
“Ilabu’t I been kine an’ tender wid
you, an’ (reeled you like my own chile;
when you is?”
“Yet hum.”
“Habu’t I re ezened wid yer, and
prayed wid yer, and deplored de
good Lord to wrap yer in his buz
zum ?”
“Yethum ”
“An isn’t I yer natr’l detector and
gardeen to’ do law?”
“Yethum,”
“Well, den, do yer s’pose I’se gwind
to hub your morals ruptured by the
white trash ? No, salt. Git in do
house dis insten, atul cl I eber coteh
yer municutiu wid de trash uny ino‘,
fo do Lord, nigger, I’ll broke yer
black head wid a brick.”
“Yethum.”
JU2“Soine writer of mure than ordi
nary ability has pet petrated a piece
of poetry which is certainly very ap
propriate to this obituary, and for
„he benefit of our readeis we give it
in full:
“Not a drum was heard, not a funeral note,
As iis corpse to oblivion we harried ;
Not a groan escaped a gentleman’s throat
When ihe Radical party was buried.
“We buried it deep in the dirty soil—
So deep leey’ll ne’er uncover it,
Unless some Radical boring for oil,
By the dtariy-loved sent should discover it:
“Its colt ! n was made of a ballot box,
With white men's votes around it ;
And it looked like a baboon taking its rest,
With its linen duster around it.
“Its carpet-bag we placed on its tomb,
With Us paper collar within it;
On that we laid its fine tooth comb.
With a Jerusalem traveler upon it.”
JCSPTjiuvyei'—“How do you identify
this handkerchief?” Witness—“By
its general appearance, and the fact
that I have others like it.” Counsel
(cutely)—“That’s no proof, fori have
got one just like it in* my pocket.”
Witness (innocently)—“l Don’t doubt
that, as 1 had more than one of the
same son stolen.”
A. ♦'
jfcA'A young blood at a hotel was
requested to pass a dish near him.
“Do you mistake me for a waiter ?”
said the exquisite. “No, sir; I mis
took you for a gentleman,” was the
prompt reply.
lehTA Danbury little darkey refused
to go to church “kase ho didn't want
io look there like a huckleberry in a
pan uf milk.”
