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LR. TALHAGE'S SERMON.
LA.UGHTc.ft OP The BIBLE
I rV w . T ** en ‘ VH our mo-.ith filled v. i a
a *
■' ttrth ii. the heaven* .toll Liu di r.su.in
Thirty eight time, ii the Hi':.l- is te.\-;e n t
to thi* runflguratM n of lc*itur. an 1
Mui>k expulsion of breath which we call
laughter. Sometime* it i, born of thesuti
'.iiuic ftiwl sometime , of the midnight. Some
it ‘tint th<- Hymiwitbks if aa-Ks ant
fornelirn.-' the <a'*hiri nation of devix
'‘' ‘‘••a thy laugh. Whether it pi. a e
r v • lease* (.<! he; cu.l, u;xm win nr laugh
-aud at what we laugh. 1 j ropose thi< ifl.n u
metoc.oaktovon on the la .gbter of th;
Hihle. iiatMlr. Sarah* laugh, or the laugh of
- epticie n: DavklN laugh, or that of spirit
ual exultation: the fool'x laugh, or tha of
mij.iil n.i-rnment: fill's laugh, or that of
divin. ndignation: Heaven’s lna-h, or that
•'>! eternal triumph. None: An oriental
tent tin oetipArits.old Abraham and Sarah,
probably wrinkled and decrepit. Th e;
gnst , on. of them the L id Almighty. To
repay Uieve old ja-ople for their hospital!! v.
promises fa ah that she shall be the i.n
.*'tr He of the J.ord Jesus Christ. She laughs
in fiod’i fa.-e. She does not believe it. Af
frighted nt what she ha., done she savshb*
did not laugh. Then God retorts with an
emphasis that sitoncca ull discussion- “but
ihmi dels: laugh.” And that sceptical laugh
of S,i! ah s has ha 1 its oeho in the s< epticto n
'ii all the ages. (1. and says He will ae
<ompl)hh a certain thing. People say
'A don't believe it .an be done; I don’t L
1 •*'v* it will Ist done. " People laugh at the
miracles. They say “th<- miracles a ix* i on
trary to the law-of nature, and therefore
th*y are impc.ssibl .” What is u law
<>f nature? It is only God’s way of
doing things. Ordinarily you cross
to New York on the bridge. Tee
morrow you decide to go bv Wall St c t
ferrv. Non formed your habit: von have
a right to change your habit. [ or
dinal ily < liter the church by this
• hs.r (indicating.) Next Sabbath morning
I might enter it by that door (indicating! 1
formed my habit. I have a right to change
my ha Ist. A law of nature is Goi’a habit.
He way of doing tilings. If He has a right to
form the habit He has a right to change
i! w henever he chooses to chnnge it. It is an
aw ful thing for us to laugh back in ihe fare
ol God, and say: “You can’t do what You
s.iul i on would do;” or, ‘‘You won’t do it”
God say-the Hihle is true, it is all true.
Bishop (Jolenso laughs. Herbert Silencer
laughs, John Stuart Mill laughs,
<lf th'* German universities
laugh, Harvard laughs softly, sotno
nl the American institutions, with long rows
o! professors seated on the fonce between
I’hrisliuuty and infidelity, laugh softly.
They sav they did not laugh. Ah, that is
Sarnh's old trick I For God thunders from
the liuavous, “thou didst laugh.’* The Gar
den of Kden was only a fable. Noaifs ark
wa* an impossibility for it could not have
ti al two of en< li kind. The pillar of lire by
night was only the ‘northern lights.” Jacob’s
ladder was only horizontal and pi-turcsque
. lor.ds. Tha sea parted only be nuse the
ri.j Hew- a ? r, at while direction,
Molnuij ? ni\(\ the sou rouM not help
separate The ten plagues of Egypt were
only a bnlJinnt spo’im< nof jugglery. The
dysH-oying angel smiting the first l.orn
oi Egypt Was . nly cholera infantum licconie
cjiidemic. The gullet of the whale l.v posi
tive measurement is too small to swallow a
prophet. Sun and moou did not pu' them
selves out of the way for Joshua. The blind
the Tame, the halt, who were cured in Hilda
lime were not cured liysu]ieruutural power
but l.v great skill of surgery. The resurrec
(ion of Christ’s friend was only' a tableau.
Christ, and Lazarus and Mary and Mal tha
<nU noted their parts well. Lazarus was
not. dead. He only play ed dead. He was not
i esurn clod. He only pl?;.yd resume ted. My
1 nends, there is not a slut meut in that took,
ora theory in that book, or a sentiment in
t hat book, or a fact in that book but has been
disputed and laughed at by modern sceptic
ism. Here is King James'translation I be
lieve It to be a perfect Bible. Now let me
tear out all those portion- of the Bible which
modern scepticism would have mo tear out
v \Vhere shall we begin? “Well,” says soma
man: “Takeout all that about the creation
and the settlement of the world.” r.
goes Genesis. •\\ ell,” says some ofp. *-♦*,o. '*
- ' -.-A all that about ih, *%'„
auiw’iu- v oi jue
There goes* EinaL Say s soiue man: ‘There
are things in I'outerouomv and the Kings
whip*, ar* not til to lie read.” Away go T>eu
teronouly and the kings. Sane man savs:
“Tnkothai ou| which is only the table'of
Job's writings.” Away goes Job. Some
man says, “toko out that from the New
Testament which declares the divinity of
Jesus Christ.” A wav go the evangelist*.
Somebody .'ays: “That is absurd in tho
trnTk of Revelation about a man
with tho moou under his feet and a sword
'proceeding from his mouth." Away goes
Heve’uLyA. Wg ty\ve a fjw pieces left'; what
shall v.e do with them? (Some man "l
.iou t believe a word of the book from begin
mfttr re end. It is all gone now. Oh, do you
not think we had better keep the Bible n’ lit
tle louger inta t? It hasdone prettv well for
A Sttjpl many years; then there are some
old people who like, to hold i
on their laps, and the’-e are
children who like to rend its stories. Jf the
Bible is to U--’ put a wav in the dark lorner hr
some city library, the Koran on one side and
the writings of Confucius on the other, per
haps we had better keep one copy for’our
selves, for we might have trouble and we
would want the delusion of its consolation,
and we might die and we would like to lie
deluded w ith the storv of high residence in
the presence of God. Oh. it is an
awful thing to throw lack God’s roveViou
mto His face, and sav: “Id .n’t b v
lane it- After a while, the rts'v will ('onto
wh.ui people wUI sav, “I did not hnigti." Then
sili tho hvpercritu i<nis anti the
and the s U et'i-s at the Bible will be brought
into mdgment, and amid the ro king of
cTi'rytMng beneath, and amid the llamiug of
everything aton e. God will thunder from the
heavens: “That thou didst laugh.” The
most I ascinating laughter at Christianity that
l o\or heard was Thecxlore Parker. 1 -at in the
hall in B< >ston an 1 heard him make irauvof tha
■passages ef the word of text seem- ab-olutelv
ridieulous.and that man weutf n laughing at
our holy Christianity until he came to ~.e,
and then lit -aid: “My life has toeu a failure:
domestically a failure. I have no children;
socially a failure, th y treat me like a pirate
on the s-tr. et: professionally a failure, for l
know but one minister who has adopted mv
viutiments.” For twenty-live yean?that man
luughtd at Christianity and Christianity has
ever since been laughing at hint. Oh ii is a
mean thing to go into a man's house
and steal hi-g o Is. but th* ntosi gigantic
burglary of the t-entuxies is the attempt to
take aw ay these tn asures of the soul. O. all
th-' laughter on earth or hedl ever heard the
meanest laughter i- t le sceptic's laugh—pro
pcs-itig to take our only cons lit; >n m trouble
ntvl our only pillow in death and give us as a
substitute absolutely notliiug.
Tlie uext la lghter of the Bible that I notice
is David's laugh, or that of spiritual exulta
tion. He says: “Then wr.s my mouth fiilel
wit it laughter. ” You know he sometimes go*
dear down, he was at times % ery melancholy.
Tho i l.c rose upend in -fcantersbe •.ail*
tortn tne j'eople four or ttve times to sing
and rejoice an t laugh. It is not merely the
teaching of the lips with him; it is a demon
stration that takes all bis body and all
h:s soul. “Then was my mouth fiPe.l with
laughter.” My friends. ;f this w rid is ever
converted to Gvxl it will le tooiux- Chris
tians cry less and laugh more. Tee horrors
in ike a* pour bait to fish with. People do
not want a morbid Christianity. I know
there are teople so morbid in feeling that
they a.tuaily enjoy a funeral. They go
early to see the friends. taxe
leave of the corpse ar.d then steal
a ride t> the cenetery. But
the vast majority of healthy people, ail
hea '.’.v je pi*, enjoy a wedding ■ than
they do a burial, and if you make religion
pcohrel and hearso-likeyou nv.ke i: repul
sive. Bo I say, plant rose of Sharon
along the walks of the church, an!
columbine to run on the w a Is of
and let there lie a smile on Che lip,
and let there be holy laughter in tha
soul. I think that a Christian is the only man
who has a right to un tram aided glee, tor he
is promise i that ail things are for the be>t iu
this world, and be is on his way to a delight
which it will take all the processions with
palm bran -lies, and alltheorche-tras, harped
and cymbaled and trumpted, to express. Re
joice evermore, and again I say rejoiea
The merriest lauguier I have ever
hca-d Las town in tho sick room . f God’s
<1 -ar children. The- dosius was put upon
tie rack for (.'hrist’s sake. He gave an
. a count of it afterward and said: “When !
was put on the rack 1 suffered awfully, but a
voting mm iu w hite -ante w ith a soft a:i i
*sc. orta'ile handkerchief and wiped uy
' .--a.l my hq t -- w ra alljt— : *. . |
a.l t was cn actual r nni-’.i . cat f<> ■net • *
' a * ■ /•? t.c ak. for i.- soon a-- hi tie
' i ls ', ’ „l-'one the ftuge] w.-
n ' . A: .ji ; Friday n .lit st nl n : bv
■be.. i ! fa CLr.-t an. I -ii t h, :!;
’■ and *"*l wil’ y*■' *en itoiV . hur h
• 1 '- - ! l * eu. g a-i In- far? s!iin:n
i kc h(‘T. :i. li - ail: “i.-Jl them to le of
fto ■. b • *r. ’ “Oh,” uy, some ons, “I Lav
•o iu my t to,! s. and s> nun/ sirkne sit.
n ’l many iKT-.-cutian', and
*’*> m■ v trials; tluA dc r rie won t
’ f*>r me" Have y u it anv
w r-“ titan Paul had if Diiven out. pr e
< nt*- i :• *. s-.it upon, s'ain. Yet. heirhitn
‘av: • hojT iwiul yet rejoicing. p<x>r vet inik
in : ii anv ri li. hiving ncf-iing yet [os-e-. i: g
; I > ■ vs. ’ Why, sometimes, mv friendt.
flu •* i- more rolig,,,u j n a j all - n than in a
rrr an. Anvbo ly can gr an, but to Jan gh in
the m' Bt of trial ari 1 pers - ution a.id s iffer
mt' it ?ah'“- a David, a Daniel, a Paul, a
mo tom heroine to do tint.
The uext laugh of th * Bible that I shall
mention is the tools laugh, or the exor, -sioil
of sinful m rriment. Solomon wa- very
.pii ‘k at a smiito and when lie makes a com
mi isoii evervto ly catches it right awav
Bolornon. what is a fo-d’- laugh like' He an
swf'ks: ’"Tb” 'Tackling of thorn- under a
tot The ketUe is swung, a bunch of
brambles i . put under it. a t r h is applied,
tl.'ie is a gr<*at blaze and a big noi e
and a solutter an.l a quick extingui ili
meut and it is darker than it was tofore. A
fo .is laughter. The most miserable thing on
earth i- a bad man’s fun. Ten inen in a bar
wmi and an impure joke starts at one end of
thr barroom, and <-ra kle. crackle, crackle it
g l *-- all around. In .VO such guffaws notone
element of happiness. Thev nil fe“l bemoaned
for they have wives, mother., daughters at
ho’no. 1 have not any faith in either a mans
Christian character or common
morality, who either tells or
laughs at an imoure joke. Men
and women are no totter than their conver
sation. If you love to tell or love to heir
impure jokes it is because von are deprave 1.
i et there are meu who call themselves een
tl'uneu w ho indulge in impure e .nversation,
and laugh at impure jokes; and I hive been
told that in woman 1 *- circles there are
those who call themselves ladies, yet who
tell impure stories, or laugh at them
when they ar e told. Thev are
half harlots, incipient Magdalen s—
under powerful temptation they would
become waifs of the street. Beware
of man or woman who tells or laughs at an
impure joke. It is the fool’s laughter, “the
crackling of thorns under a pot.” So also all
merriment that is made t rhe frailties, at
the mi.-fortiines.of others. The caricature of
a lame foot, or a curved spin ?, or a blind eye
or a deaf ear. God will write ‘it
out m judgment either to you or
vour chlllren. Twenty vears ago
I saw a man very skillfully mimic his neigh
bor s lame foot. He did it with wonderful
skill. Not long ago, th* son of that skillful
mimic ha 1 his leg amputate 1 for the very in
lirmity that the father had caricatured iii the
neighbor years ago. I do not say it was a
judgment of hoi. Non can say what you
p.eiM*. Rut I sav beware, look out how you
ran ature the infirmities of others. It is'the
I ools laughter. So is nls< > all t h * in *rri ment that
is aroused from di sipa'ioti. that starts from
the drinking ro-ta grant or from the wine cup
of t in so dal circle, 1 ho simpering and the sat
in .ii’ * tl e laughter nt nothing,
w.uch you sometimes h: ir al tta - th? wine has
taken its ciTeut iu the social circle or in the
club room. It is all the laughter of the fool
AV lien I was ala 1 a book was published
called ‘ Dow Junior's Sermons. ” It had a large
circulation; it made everybody laugh: it was
considered a very witty and funny thing. I
had a copy present <1 to me in my childhood.
1 read it. The whcl: took was a caricature
of the church, of the ministry, of
the Bible an lof the Day of Judgment. Oh. hoiv
the world laughed at it. Tli? commentary of
the whole thing is that tli9 author of that
book not lorn; ago died in poverty, shame,
debauch. Kicked out of decent society and
under the curse of Almighty God.
1 charge on the young people cf this
congregation, in tho'presence of Almighty
God, have nothing to do with these styles of
mirth that I have been speakiug of. It de
spoils the character. If your lips are not
pure it is because your heart is rotten.
The next laughter of the Bible that I speak
of is God’s laugh of indignation. The Bible
says: “He that sitteth in the heavens stall
laugh.” It says in another place: “The Lord
shall laugh." In another place it says: “I
will laugh at your calamity.” With that
demonstration God meets great sins and., ick-
JAwe is a ram* l>.f
latnies. li .--eenis as if '1,5 nd- v^aten
the Lord because of his successful sc [ernes.
I can show yon meu in Brooklyn aiJl New
York now who are going right
on building up their villauie-, and they seem
to be successful. But wait After awhile
the pin will get out of the ma hinerv of
wickednes?s or the fatal sacet will be told
and everything will go into .demolition. The
crash of tho ruin will to the reverbera
tion of the wrath of God's itdignat ion. AVall
street is a great place for goxl mem and for
bad men. There are no loe ter rpen in the
world thau you will find in Wall? street and
no worse men. A frarduleult man of
that street says: “I moan o gdt a million
dollars and I don't care ho -. 1 get them.”
1 —wUss of nil the laws pi honesty, he goes
a Lea lam* nj fIOO '. He goes on
and he gets his ; on --Ui L;‘
gets his WItO.OUO. Now,” he avs - Lavo
but one more stroke to make and tb” u
have my million.” He gathers together all
resources. He risks everything on one grand
throw. He loses. He fails. He has not aet
nally enough money of his own to pay his car
fare home. What is the matter? i'ou say,
“great stir in Erie railway .•■•bocks.”or, “great
stir in Western Union,' or, “great stir iu
Illinois Central." or you charge it to this
speculator or that speculator. Thev all
guess and they guess wrong. I will tell
you what was the matter. He that
sitteth iu the Heavens laughed. A man
in New York, years ago. resolved to be the
wealthiest mao iin e city. He left his hon
<*s. work as a ohairmaker, went into politics,
got elected to the city councils ami iu ten
year* stoie from the city government $15,-
tKX).(NX), He held the Legislature of th? State
of New York in the grip of his right hand.
After a while suspicion was aroused. The
(fraud Jury brought in an indictment.
The whole Sand stood aghast. That
man who expected to i> t half ot' New York
in hi' vest jtxvket gee- o I.udlow Street jail,
goes to Blackwell's Is .mi. escaping prison
crosses the OTai], is v. rrestei, comes back,
is reimprisoned and A-s there. Why.’ He
that sittetli in the hea eus laughe 1. Rome
was a great empire. She had Horace and
Virgil among her poet- she had Augustus &1
Co>tantine among her emperors. But why
the detaeed Pantheon; why t le broken walls
of the Coliseum* wh; die fori: in turned into
a eattk* market? Wh lie arc.hitecttiral skele
ton-of h°r ac ,ue lu What is that"thun
der? You say it is th ic r ing coning
against her walls. N, '-Vh-.it is thus -psivertagf
You say it is the ‘ v n.\ of hostile legions.
Ni. The quivering ml the roaring are
t e outburst of the on ni*v?tiut iaught >r of a
of a defied an i iu-T.’- h! i’. aveu. Horae delicti
God and Helaugiv. fcwdown; TheLesdeSed
God and He laughed li -r down: Ba ylon tie
lied God ond He ingtie 1 h°r dowa. Oh.
there is a gn dig re:: • between
GodV smile and G large. The srnile.it
is eternal b< atitu i it is the bells of heaven
striking a wed lirg •L. The smile of God,
it is the loth of Ma% :he apple orchards its
rulibhvrm. God srai ei when David sang,
and M.riant clapped the c; mbals, and Han
n t’a made the garni*■•its for her son, and Paul
rivaehed and S' J nn kiucPed with ap >.a-
Iy otic vision! tbv> oh, tße laughfcer of God.
it;ay we neves ' lear i*; It means pun
ishment for sin, it means wast
ing away if ler His ,ulignat;oi.
God wants , s to <Lve in H.s
smile. He comef dov.u from Heaven. H •
c a :es us. He i* s us to com - i. tn our sir.s
intv' right sous aq •>. He jroniet into this world
in the person o; Christ. He takes up the
sins of th“ n rd and He p its them ou one
tvo taler, a,y \e ta tes up the s- r ows of the
world an .1 .' ; tmtn u tne otbc ■ she ul ler.
and then w iui this Alp on one sde and tilts
Himaiava on, the >tLer. He diia.s up the
steep ust lUtsiviO - - the city of Jeru
salem to a aieve our re..cm non; put
tuig the ji.ha one band on one
spik and *ad Putting the palm of
The other ha ° 1 a", ther spike. He stret bed
forth His and- bespotted with His own
Blood and I. tre-ti ulates and says: “Look
and live, lo' and live: with the crimson
veil of my *s,-ritW I will cover ur> all your
sins: with r iT dying groan- I vill swallow
np all you rr ans, look and live, 100 t and
live.’’ If' {fan turns from that, then God’s
V ice cht. if- its intonation and it comes
through tfcfirst ha ter if Proverbs live
t o-:m > the desert and says: Because
l a , 1 a 4 "oa refused, and stret he 1 out
my han and no man regarded, and yet put
at - mg Pali my counsel and despised iny
revroof . lerefore I will laugh at your ta
lam.tv '*h, this day by turning linto God
tk; uc : Ysus Christ let us do ide th t we
t;i ;i\ iorever in the light of His smile.au 1
as :c e -eve• the thun lor of tie lau_Li ot
His vnatVm.
Ar-. Cc: ia i .bt.rr f tl*i Bbi .*—an l • ‘:e ’ad
rr. I-had mention—to ihe Haiventv touch
nr to • ore of **> nwtiJ t: i t uph Uh :>t -h: •
to* d.vipl -: ■ b.e.i-,. y,> that wee • now,
f.-r :- p *ll in: yb ’ Tlw> takes awav th?
i o ; that we are lorevi r In ?n t<>! ie -iny-
Kig . r:nic -r psaims. The formalis*ie
and stiff ovtioaa of some neorJe ;■■ r
gr. .. to Leaven would make me miserable.
AV: e i Christ. av- to His .1 -i- 1-s “bto-s ■! are
ye t;it v reov, ve shall laugh. - I know
tha h a. en i- not only g;>m : t to* a txa**e
of wor-hiji. but aSs -a maguificent sociability.
AN hat. wi l the ringirg laughter go all
around the circles of the re 1e,. :: -fxl ? It will.
LfarL't says to. “Ye shall ]au h." It will
be a :u:gh < f congrafcilatK.a. If we
friend who has met with whit we call good
fortune, and he has come from poverty to
gr -at ii dies, or to* is restored f*on some dire
.s ekn-ss. we gras,, hi- hands and w-> laugh,
and we congratulate him, and when
we get in heaven we will meet
our friends who on earth had a hard time of
it.and to oue of them we wil! say: “AVhv.the
last time I saw you. you were down with six
weeks of low intermittent fe* er. Now, how
well you look. Immortal health on your
cheek and eye. 1 congratulate you.” It will
be the laugh of congiatulation. To another
oue we 11 we sav:“Bown in the world we saw
you limping along with rheumatism, now
you have the strength and the fleetness of an
immortal athlete. I congratulate you.”
It will lie the laugh of congratu
lation. AA e will meet friends who failed in
business. They went from * aaic to panic
am! from disaster to disaster in this world,
and we will meet them there and we will
congratulate them. It will be the laugh over
cneir ana tnev will say: "Ye?, yes,
this is my throne, this is mv mansion, this is
my companionship, this is my Christ, this is
my God.” Laugh of congratulation. And it
will be also a laugh of reunion.
The perceptions quickened, our knowl
edge improved, we will know each
other at a flash. Oh, how much those who
have 1 een ten years in heaven will have to
tell us about their ten years of celestial resi
dence. Oh, Low much we will have to tell
them ab< ut the ten years of their absence
from earth. And there I think George White
field and John AA'esley will give a laugh of
contempt over their earthly misunderstand
ings. And there I think Toplady and
Charles AVeslev will give a laugh of contempt
over their earthly misunderstandings. The
two farmers that for twenty years quar
relled about a line fence, in the
heavenly country will give n laugh of
contempt over their earthly quarrels. Ex
emption l'r ,m all sorrow. Immersion in all
joy. We shall laugh. Christ savs so. We
shall laugh Oh, what a thrilling satisfaction
to stand on the wall of heaven and look down
at Satan and see him caged and chained, and
feel that we are forever free from his
clutches. Just think of it. You know how
the Frenchmen ■ Leered when Napwleon the
Great came back from Elba. You know how
Englishmen cheered when Wellington came
back from AA'aterioo. You know how Amer
icans cheered when Kossuth came
from Hungary. You know how
Rome cheered when Pornpey re
turned from victory over 90) cities, and every
e heer was a laugh. Hut. oh, the grander
mirth and the mightier gladness when we
shall see th? snow-white cavalry troop of
Heaven moving through the streets, Christ
in the redcoat, as described in Revelation,
on a white horse riding on and all the armies
of Heaven on white horses. < h, when wo
hear tha click of the troops of that cavalcade
we w ill shout and we will laugh. Does not
this subject, men and women immortal, make
your heart beat quick with joy, because so
soon we are to enter that great jubilee? Wa
prav God that when we get through
with this world and are going to leave it we
may have something of the beiief of the
dying Christian who said be saw in the sky
at the time tie was dying the letter “W,”and
people standing by his dying bed said, “what
do yoa suppose it means,” after he had told
them he had seen the letter “IV.” “Well,”
he said, “it can mean only one thing, ‘AV’
stands for ‘welcome.’” An 1 so when we
leave this world may it be “AV” in the sky
and “AV” at tho door of the mansion, and
“AV” ou the throne. AY el* >me, welcome,
welcome!”
I preach this sermon this morning because
I have five prayerful wishes—that you may
sje how mean a thing is the laugh of scepti
cism, that you may see how bright a thing is
the laugh of Christian exultation, that you
may see how hollow a thing is the laugh of
sinful mirth, that you may see how awful a
thing is the laugh of God s indiguation, and
that you may see what a rapturous and rubi
cund thing is the laugh of eternal trip 73 ySh
r , ta f t fill. -out *
this rap tutor -a ‘ XV evu. Choose the good.
Be comforted. Be comforted. “Blessed arc
ye that weep now, for ye shall laugh, ye shall
laugh!”
The Old Paper Market.
The astonishing reduction on old ] apei
made by the Bell last week has caused a
rush of purchasers never before equaled
in the history of the old paper trade.
The dignified and scholarly business
manager has been besieged by throngs
during the week, all anxious to become
the proud possessors of a bundle of our
elegant goods, and it has made him hump
him el f to keep up with the demands of
Customer*. It the rush continues much
longer the supply will he exhausted.
When ably edited old papers can be
bought for twenty-fme cents a hundred
f 'fl.eing business men are not slow to
catch om 'They understrn 1 th-t by
stock ng up fc° ld n S for a nse that
there is money to ** * :,a Just , as , so ° n
as our lot is gone the' ma ? IJook 1 J ook for
a sharp advance. Pr." dt:lce ?' :{a . cs
that while the Bell is standing l 1 u .°
of old papers with both feet ** l " ls
the time to load up, and when pn? t '* i ' r,ce
stands up in the stirrups and begins
whoop, long-headed businessmen come
right into the fold. The price of old
papers is going to climb a very tall tele
graph pole and pull the pole up after it
before many weeks. Before the season is
over it will cost §5 to get enough old
paper to wad a shotgun.— Esielline
{Dak.) Bell.
“One More Shoot ’Em.
A vo :ng, half-civilized son of the
forest, belonging to one, ot the tribes on
the Pacific coast, was living with a
mountaineer and doing chores ior his
“hoard and clothes.” f*
One day, seeing u large f.o k of ducks
light down in th< pon.i near the house,
the young Xim-rnd wanted to try Ins luck
shooting. The ranchman loaded the
shot-gun, putting into- is a full charge
of powder and shot.
Away went the young brave in
high glee. lie led gone but a few
mii.ut s when “Boom! bo)tn’ w nt tne
gun, knocking the Indian- over, the noi-e
echoing among the hills like a cannon.
But the piece was well-aim and and had
made great havoc of the duck-.
On recovering from the shook, he
wended his wav homeward, hali-bewil
dered from his fright.
“What is the matter with you. -Tun?"
asked his employer. W ;?..i a significant
grunt. Jiin replied: “Yghl One more
shoot 'em. no more ducks!"
II paused a moment, and added, with
greater emphasis, —
“And no more Injun ~
She Hail a Heal (dm! Tim?.
“Did you go to t . • Tiboons j arty the
other night. Mrs. Prinkleyr” inquired cue
woman of another in tire jam of a mili
nery store.
“Yes. indeed," she replied, with eyes
fairly snapping with deiight.
“Have a good timer”
“Y cs.lhad a splendid time. The T worn
ley giris were there, you know, and they
ddn t have on a thing fit t? be set u,
wh 1 - everybody said my new dress wax
just too lovely for anything. Isn't this
and dicious weather.” —Chicago Ledger.
A woman cannot get up iu public am
‘ay ten whrds before a d< zen peep e. im
•lie caa get up before ne mm— if l.c
happens to b • her husband— n I eh- ca;
say more iu ten ej'i;u:-s than a b >uk
w.irn c nld tied ia a college libruty in
two jeurs of cons ant search.
CI'RHUS PEOPLE.
THE MARKIVGE OP DIME 3JC
SEI M CURIOSITIES.
Til. Igets amlflianis Mr.led—Tln* Liv
ing Skeleton Who Married a
Prettv Girl—The Line ol'
Of her F/eaks.
‘‘Freaks fall it love, fallout of it,mar
ry. have i hildreu. stow jcalou-. wander
off to other fancies, and arc happy and
miserable just like ordinary peop!c, "-aid
a dime museum official, “and they make
some of the queerest matches imaginable.
It is said that in selecting life partners
people generally choose their opposites,
and it is certainly true of freaks. There
was Mrs. Hannah Battersby, one of the
fattest of all fat women, lier husband.
John Battersby, ivas a living skeleton.
No sooner were they married than she be
gan to lose flesh and he to gain it. His
weight increased so rapidly thsl lie soon
became to > stout to exhibit as a skeleton,
and, like Othello, his occupation was
gone.
“Baron Littlefinger." the Italian
dwarf, is only a little over three feet
high, but he married a woman who
stands five feet six inches in her stock
ings. They have had children, one of
w hom is already larger than his father.
Dwarfs very frequently seem to fancy
people of large size. This was the case
with Che Mah, the Chinese and warf, who
married Louise Coleman, a full size, at
tractive young lady'of Brooklyn. They
had some trouble in getting married av
first, because the l iTy was a Catholic and
no priest could Le- found who would mar
ry her to a heathen Chinee. But this dif
ficulty was overcome by finding sornfl*
other ecclesiastic or some magistrate who
consented to tie the knot.
“Just as dwarfs prefer large people, so
giants seem to find their affinity among
those of low stature. Colonel Goshen,
a man about eight feet in height, mar
ried a woman rather under the medium
size. Colonel another very- tall
giant, was married to at least one or two
ordinary-sized women before he wedded
his present wife, Anna Swan, the Nova
Scotia giantess. This couple have a de
lightful residence at Seville, Ohio, that
is quite like a giant’s castle out of a fairy
story. The ceilings .uid doors are of
great height, while the beds, tables,
chairs and other furniture are like that
described of ‘Jack, tin*. Giant Killer.'
“Quite often freaks) show excellent
judgment in their matrimonial ventures
and marry persons admirably suited to
them in all respects. Every one knows
how happily Mr. and Mrs. Tom Thumb
lived together, and thd* latter bids fair to
be equally contented iin her second mav
liage with Count Maghgi, the nobly born
Italian dwarf. Then, there is Pat
O’Brien, the Irish giantl, who married the
German giantess. They are a splendidly
matched couple, and, Myith their bounc
ing baby, are as happy las clams at high
tide. I
“Freaks make their slirongest mutches
when they marry persons! in no way con
nected with the business.' They appear
to have an irresistible fascination for some
people, and the more m<:|nstrous and re
pulsive they are the greater seems their
power to charm. 1 once slaw a very pretty,
well-dressed young girl ‘gazing with mu
expression of the most irftense admiration
at Tom, of Tom and Mattie, the well
known Australian wild Children, who is
a driveling imbecile. .‘'or fully half an
hour she stood apparently spell-bound.
Mid it wasjonlvbv *1 -J- >-■( '•■“■■uto <*n
z.iiu ihe use of gentle force that
her friends were finally able to induce
her to leave the spot. Everybody who
reads the newspapers must remember
how a handsome Brooklyn girl of good
family was completely fascinated by
“Charlie,” one of Barnum’s blackest,
most repulsive Zulus, a few years ago,
and married him in spite of all her
friends could do.
“The first taetooed man ever on exhi
bition in this country was a Greek sea
captain, said by some people to have
been a pirate, who traveled with the
Barnum show, and bed a number of very
handsome diamonds. He had been made
a prisoner by the inhabitants of some
savage island, and tattooed as a means of
torture. There was not a place
on liis entire body the size
of a pin’s head that had not
been treated in this way. His face was
tattooed in such a manner as to make
him anything but attractive in appear
ance. and his savage tormentors even
shaved off his hair ar.d tattooed “very
inch of his scalp. Notwithstanding these
drawbacks he married a very handsome
American woman, who was devoted to
him. Instead of the harmless pigment
generally used by tattooers the savages
employed indigo, which finally produced
pp'ndness and other serious ailments.
..j/’erybody will remember J. B. Gar
rison. th-' Ji v ' n - sk leton we had on ex
hibition' -t and Arch streets dur
who acquired
such celebrity uni. “-T sobriquet of the
’Skeleton Bridegroom’, rom having
charmed and married a Woman of \A est
Philadelphia. Her paren. 4 ® friend
declared that she was tempjra' T ffy insane,
but most probably she was only 'uffc-r.ng
from that power of fascinaton xVliicii
freaks seem to have over many people.
You would have been greatly surprises?
if you coukl have seen the large number
of love letters which Garrison daily re
ceived.
‘‘Apropos of the skeleton bridegroom,
fief >re going into the museum business
he was a merchant on South Eighth
Greet. Although his body was so thin
his face always continued quite plump,
and when dressed in ordinarv costume
there was nothing in his appearance to
indicate that he was so very much leaner
than nr.-nyothers. When dressed in a
skin-fitting b:a k shirt and tights, haw •
ever, his extraordinary thinne-s was very
apparent. There arc many other people
walking our streets who could do the
skeleton business to perfection if they
were dressed in the same way. Poor
Garrison died of consumption very short
!■ after his wife had obtained a legal
-eparati n from him and a few weeks
after m Triage. His real name was
f'harles Fowler.
•dn Pittsburg, some years ago, when
.Major Purnell an old showman, long
since gathered to his fathers, ran a mo-
M.-um on Fifth avenue, his list of curiosi
ties. included a Circassian girl. A tine
young fellow of about twenty years, be
longing to one of the wealthiest and best
families of the Fm iky city,saw her in the
show, fell in love with her, made her
n quaintance. and was soon engaged
to be married to her. Ills mother, who.
until he came of age, had absolute con
trol of the fortune left him by his father,
threatened to withdraw all support from
him meanwhile unless he gave up
the girl. Asa consequence he became
insane and was placed in an insane asy
lum. There he pa-sed his twenty-first
birthday and time into his property.
•Shortly afterward the doctors declared
him perfectly cured and discharged him.
He immediately hunted up his lovely
Circassian and married her. At last ac
counts they were living in a magnificent
residence on Squirrel Hill, one of the
lonit J places about Pittsburg, sur
rounded by a fine growing family and as
happy as dickey birds.
; • ‘Some freak* never get married.
I There is Millie f’hristine. the double
he.led colored girl. She has had many
offer?, but declined them all. apparently
not caring to follow the example of the
late Siamese twins each of whom mar
ried and raised a family. ” —Philadelphia
Time*.
THE FAMILY HOCTOK.
Lxerei-e for Aged People.
M. B .uchardat, professor of hygiene nt
the Paris faculty of medicine, protested
in -trong terms at a recent lecture against
the advice given by some hygienists who
recommend almost complete rest to the
aged, in the following terms: “I pro
test against the oft repeated a lage that
old acre is the age of rest. This sentence
has led to a very great error in hygiene.
The regular general exercise of all organs
of nutrition aril of locomotion is neces
sary to persons of all ages. The greatest,
attention on this point i all the more nec
essary that the tendency to rest brings on
a gradual diminution of the strength.
“If the old man does not resist, his
strength will visibly and progressively
diminish, and the few days he may have
to live may be transformed into just so
many hours. In proof that regular
daily exercise is beneficial to the aged,
oue lias only to observe the results in
some of the handsomest old men, who
take little or no rest. Moderate exer
cise, particularly walking, should be the
leading precept of the hygiene of the
aged, without which longevity is well
nigh impossible.”
Professor Bouohardut also recommends
that old people should maintain their in
tellectual faculties, or otherwise they
will get into a state of incurable torpor.
This is best accomplished by having
some steady intellectual pursuit, and by
taking an active interest in the events
and progress of the day. In our boyhood
we remember a very old man, who told
ns he kept in as perfect health as an
old man can be by chopping wood for an
hour or two every day. This he regarded
as sufficient exercise for him. Another
old man we know finds his health greatly
benefited by sawing wood with the ordi
nary buck saw. —Herald of Health.
Till ®he Doctor- Comes.
A family doctor says in Caesell's: At
Inverness last summer, 1 saw from a dis
tance a little boy fall from the high wall
near the bridge-—I being at the fit her side
of the river—a height of probably fifteen
feet. A sturdy Highlander marched
around and shouldered him. From the
shrieks of the lad thus roughly mounted,
I felt sure a bone was bioken, and found
out afterward I was right.
The accident puts me in mind to say
here that we cannot be too careful in the
| manner we lift or carry a person who has
| received sin injury of this kind.
Oh! fancy, if you can, tlie agony pro
i duced from, say, a fractured thigh rude
| ly handled, the jagged end of the bone
j perhaps thrust through the quivering
flesh.
Keep a wounded or injured person on
the level if possible: be very, very gentle.
The handiest of all stretchers is a large
I shutter or door, with a mattress or pil
i lows on it. Or a plaid or blanket used as
a hammock will do, ora net liammoek
i itself if oue he handy,
j While one party is carrying home, or
to a chemist’s shop, the injured person,
! some oiie must be sent to procure surgi
‘ar<_
The sooner surgical aid is got, the
more chance of a speedy recovery will
the patient have.
Be careful not to give brandy in inju
ries to the head. You might eunmit a
fatal error.
The best way to distinguish a fracture
from a dislocation is to find out by ma
nipulation whether there is motion in the
injured part. In dislocation the bone is
immovably fixed.
Many dislocations can be treated suc
cessfully on the spot by the, sufferer’s
friends.
Just a word about street accidents.
Somehow or other, in such cases, one of
the crowd usually turns out to be a sur
: geon. but if not, let one be speedily
fetched. Meanwhile, ask the crowd,
with all respect due to crowds in the lat
; ter end of the nineteenth century, to
stand back and give the patient air. On
; a summer day he may do better, for a
: time, out of doors than in a shop. I got
1 a man on to a hand-cart once, and there he
remained until the first shock of the ac
; cident was dispelled. But I kept the
* crowd at bay, and as quiet as possible.
Nothing is more likely to make bad
! worse than a yelling crowd, crying,
“Do this,” or “Do that.” round an in
, jured man.
Hunting for Grouse.
1 ’ “Occasionally a 'mighty Nimrod from
H.jjC city comes out to hunt game in my
, neighborhood,” said a Greenfield farmer
yesterday. “A few days ago I saw a
swell of a chap edging up through my
sugar bush to the wheat iii Id He had
on long legged boots, and was toggled
and belted and strapped out in regular
hunting f shion. He looked just too
purty for anything. He carried a darling
i ot a gun, and he went dodging around
,V SHi: expected to start up a Bengal tiger
trow behind every stump. I took a short
cut. to the barn and turned the old pea-
cock 100 e The old bird understood
what was wanted of him. He pulled
down his eye at me and started for the
back lots. I followed down along the
fence, and pretty soon I saw* the swell
hunter break cover from the woods. He
was after quail, and he soon sighted the
peacock. The bird had his tail fauned
out and his head up. and could be seen
half a mile away. Nimrod got his gun
off his shoulder and began to creep up,
and by and by he blazed away. I saw
the whole charge of shot tear into the
ground yards away from the old bird,
but he knew his business. Down he fell,
wings and legs flopping, and pretty soon
lie expired The young man with the
darling of a gun reached him about the
same time I did.
“ ‘Beautiful shot.’ says he.
“ ‘I reckon.’ says I. -but what are you
hunting V
•• ‘Grou-e,’ says he. ‘and this is the
finest one I ever saw.'
•• “Grouse, you numbskull, but you
have killed my peacock!'
“ ‘Well, the u-uul results followed.
His chin began to quiver, the cold sweat
started out, and hr- wanted to know how
much I would take to iet him off. I sent
him to the house to see the old woman.
She has get a way of wiping her eve
ned choking her voice over the death of
that peacoc k which always brings in $5
extra. Sh“ let this youflg swell off for
*lO, which is the usual price, and a- he
started down the highway for Detroit the
old bird uot up and marched back to the
bam with a chuckle that set every hen to
laughing. That's five times we've play
ed it 111 the swell Nimrod? within six
months, and I expect more fun this sum
mer than a horse can draw.”— Detroit
Free Pre* *.
W. T. MAYNARD & SONS,
DEALERS IN
Groceries, Provisions,
And Family Supplis!
And Agents for the Celebrated
Tenessee Wagons!
AND THE
Winship COTTON GIN and Condenser!
Also some of the
BEST COOK STOVES.
FORSYTH, GEORGIA.
FOB
FINE JOB PRINTING
GO TO THE
A
Advertiser Office!
ESTABLISHED 40 YIEtoUIRS
SPENCE & WALCOTT
Manufacturers of the Celebrated
OSBORN BUGGYI
PHOTONS,
WAGOi S, ETC.
Also carry on a General Repair Sho: . , -ur Pa gating and Finishing the best and
in the latest style, plain or fancy. E\J . dug guaVmteed first-class. We propose
to sell our vehicles as lew in price as v.npc had any' place. We furnish to re-spon
sible parties on time. Call and get ter i J . YVe reaper tfuliv invite you to call and
see our vehicles. If vou don’t find whf ou want, wilV build it to order. r 1
PLANING MlLta
Also, and Bracket Savvi ig, Scroll Wo nd Balusters, and any Fancy Turning i
Wood. Come at. re us before buying.
'' - ' r AT H. SPENCE,
ONO. W. WALCOTT'
Salesman, JOHN F. DICKERSON, GKIIFFIN, GA*
STEAM ENGINES,
THRESHERS, .
aTt 1 ’* 18 ’ Tr'd*™’ s s>
•’ and Matches. Cotton Gins, Feeders, Condensera*
Prossers, Ac. jfcr* Write for circulars and prices
_' J. H. ANDERSON,
aprtl3 63 South Broad street, Atlanta, Ga.
FALL AND WINTER 7
CLOTHINGAND HATS
Winship & Callaway,
126 Second Street, - - - MACON, GEORGIA.
For nearly Thirty Yeay*- <Lo of the
Clothing Trade of Middle Georgia.
They return thanks to their many friends in Monroe county and pledg#
renewed exertions to please them the present Season. &
They havo now in store their new
FALL STOCK!
A great portion of it made expressly* lor them. They carry a large stock
of BOYS and CHILDREN’S CLOTHING. Give'us a Vail. We will
make the Lowest Prices. WINSIIJP k CALLAWAY.
HUNNICUTT & BELLINGRATH,
JOBBERS AND DEALERS IN
Cooking and Heating Stoves, Ranges,
FURNICES, MANTLES, GRATES, Etc,
3 and 38, Corner Peachtree and “Walton Streets. ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
A\ e offer to the trade the largest and best selected stock of Stoves, Ranges. Furnace*.
Grates, Slate and Iron Mantels, Wood Mantel-. Cbcrrv. Mahogany and Walnut of tb
LATEST AND MOST APPROVED DESIGNS IN THE ".MARKET ’ STOVESr
STOVES! STOVES!
See GRATES, GRATES, GRATES!
Tubs, Buckets, Brooms, Brushes. St earn Pipe and Fitting. Plumbers’ n.-.-i-sGo* Is. Mar
ble Slabs, Wash Basins. Water Closets, Bath Tubs, Gas (.'banded Pendants and
Brackets, plain and Stamped Tinware, v.\ --t every ing I;-pt be fir.-i-cSa House Fur
nishing Dealer*. Agents for Knowles' St-am Pump rvi Hanes lnsoirator Manu
facturers of Concrete Sewer Pipe and Ore .mental Gj ai i/. -i Iron Work. Contractor*
for Plumbing, Gas Fitting, Steam Heat: g. Tin R< ling. Galvan. -<*d Jr-, ;i Cornice
Door ar.d Window Heads, in fact anything you wi- i * ~,e t -• ■ us.
Hunnieiitt & Bellingrath
A NEW ENTER?: W
I
We announce to the public that we are prepared todrep ar.d mat . lumber, cut mould
ings of all styles, and do p- -mptiv
SCROLL, BAND AND RE-SAWING,
Or do general carpenters work and wood work of alt - rts. We h< <;, aii the tim* *
/ full line of
LUMBER, LATHS, SHINGLES, BRICK, PLASTER, AC.
Give us a trial. W. P. BUSSEY & CO.
Baunesvill, Ga.