Newspaper Page Text
8
WAR BALLOONS.
INTERESTIN'*. EXPERIMENTS IS
MILITARY AERONAUTICS.
T he Emperor of Germany Very Much
Impressed With Their Value
Firing at an Aerial Target
—Captive Balloons.
K ” MPEBOR WILLIAM, of Ger
manv, has hnnkerings to
i wards conquering the air as
well as the lands and seas,
snd it is now settled that within a
short time His Majesty will make his
balloon ‘
first ascent. If the winds be
agreeable and the Empress will al
\
\
\ s
* Si m
*T\
RIDDLED AND FALLING.
low herself to bo persuaded that there
is absolutely no danger in the experi¬
ment, fhe Kaiser will enter upon his
aeronautical journey before or at the
dose of the “Grand Fall Parade,” on
the Toinpelhofer Field, This parade
in former years was always held on
the anniversary of the battle of Sedan,
film \ m I I J N5 S. 1 0
A v A J
3
A,
\i m &
m. im
SHOOTING AT A WAR BALLOON.
but the date lias been changed since
tne development of the German-Franco
rieiidship.
treat preparations are being made
by the heads of the aeronautical sec
tion of the German Army for tho com
mg event. A biand new balloon,pro
' ided with the most intricate and new
est patent appliances, lias been eon
structed and is now being tried in all
kinds of weather, that is, in all kinds
which the heavens provide.
“1 wish we would experience a
shower a thunderstorm between now
and the day the Emperor proposes to
make his ascent,” said the chief of the
fection to a correspondent of the New
lork 1 ress “Of course, 1 know ex
ftctly how the balloon ought to act uu
der those circumstances, but I would
XV
DIWING THE BALLOON.
like to be sure. There must be no
chance for an accident of any sort.”
From another source it is learned
that the Kaiser will perhaps first try
his luck as £
tablished an aerouatical ‘station at
that point, in which he takes intense
interest.
The correspondent was permitted
to take a photograph of one of the
experiments, undertaken with a cap
five balloon. The latter was filled on
the deck of one of the warships and
fastened to the mast. Then it was
sent 1500 feet into the air. One of
the men in the basket said afterward
the situatioc was an indescribably in
teresting one. They had to follow
every movement of the ship, but at
the same time seemed to float m limit
less space. I hey wure able to bear
THE MONROE ADVERTISER. FORSYTH, GA„ TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2. 1891.- EIGHT PAGES
sounds from the ship and coast; every
object beneath them was steeped in
white, while above them they saw
fields, or at least something
bearing a strange resemblance to
such. The Kaiser, after each balloon
journey, summons all participants be¬
fore him to ask them personally and
separately about their observations
and sensations.
Of course, if William choose to do
so, he might go up in a balloon from
one of his warships, unknown to anv
)0< f ,u ils officers and crew, who
rebound to secrecy. Still it is hardly
probable that His Majesty will pursue
bUC a Coarse * 19 *°° f° n d of ad
. his deeds and
jertising capabilities to
fore «° the Pleasure of seeing himself
print as the first imperial aeronaut
of the world.
The special interest taken by the
Emperor in aeronautics of late has
encouraged tho aeronautical section of
the army to some highly interesting,
and likewise highly expensive, experi¬
ments in destroying balloons. The
double-column engraving printed with
this article shows a battery of artil¬
lery in the act of shooting at ft so
called “war balloon,” supposed to be
sent u]> by a besieged garrison. When
tho correspondent took the photo¬
graph the battery was experimenting
on a captive balloon. Later on a “free
balloon” will bo substituted for that
on the line.
The balloon filling was provided
from steel flasks containing com
pressed gas, so called, the flasks be¬
ing about the size of sugar loaves.
They are transported on a vehicle not
unlike a gun carriage. The men
turned the compressed gas into hy¬
drogen gas in very short order, and
the process seemed to be a very simple
one.
As tho invention of compressed gas
is not the exclusive property of the
German Army, its leaders must the
more provide against being served by
the enemy in the same manner as they
intend to employ to spy out the move¬
ments and intentions of adversaries.
In tho Franco-German War many
balloons were brought down by shots
fired by the infantry. Since then a
small caliber rifle has been introduced,
whose bullets cannot harm a balloon
so as to endanger it permanently, as
the pressure of the gas closes up the
small holes produced by the bullets,
The aeronautical section therefore
resolved to try their luck with guns,
They let a balloon ascend 9300 feet
and then fired at it with slirapnells.
The first shot went above the object
: all the rest hit it.
' The balloon
was seen to other° swiuo'
; violently from one side to the
after it was once hit, and soon clouds
i of smoke broke forth from its in¬
j together terior. At and the same time it shrunk
i i When began to sink steadily
the balloon was finally brought
down the basket was found ‘to be “in¬
tact, while the balloon proper showed
many holes torn by the bullets: the
ropes were in fragments.
The conclusion arrived at is that
the captive balloon cannot be safely
employed in war. War aeronauts will
have to ascend much higher than any
rope iu existence allows. r The ~ ques
tion is, how high will they have to go
in order to escape the bullets of guns?
i robablv nobody can answer that
question, for improvements in gun¬
making are going on steadily.
Stairs in Samoa.
In Samoa, where he makes his
home, Robert Louis Stevenson has
done much iu the way of instructing
the natives in European methods of
work. He tells an amusing story iu
this connection. A new house-boy
had been engaged, aud on his arrival
was lost iu awe and admiration of the
magnificence of the mansion.
He was given a large backet of
water and told to take it to the bed¬
room up above. He looked up, and.
pointing, asked if it was there? Ou
being answered iu the affirmative, he
seized the bucket in his teeth, and
before any one could remonstrate he
had rushed up one of the posts of the
veranda. The whole family ran up
the staircase, and when they showed
him that that was the usual mode of
getting to those rooms, he was over
° buckllng !d Ut race * nd , U or P and dowa stairs >
owm f 1Q aa eC3ta ^
j°J; tldeads -^ nd "hen L detachments vi of
eame sit him they
T er * alwa J s taken to see the stairs the
arst tam S • 5>*n Francisco Examiner.
---—
Woolen goods feel warm because
mooI is a poor conductor of heat, and
the goods made of wool contain within
their substance large quantities of air,
also a poor conductor,
Boiled water tastes flat and insipid
J because been driven the gases it contained h.We
off by heat.
FALL FASHIONS.
FULLER SKIRTS AND LARGER
SLEEVES FOR DRESSES.
Reappearance of Round Waists in
Numerous Ways—An Adirondack
Maid’s Hunting Costume—
Quaint Divan Pillows.
T HE brought London, per’s first Bazar, over according autumn have from fuller Paris to dresses skirts Har¬ and
and even larger sleeves than those now
worn. The skirts are gored rather
closely about the hips, but are very
full in the back and wide at the foot.
They are lined and interlined, but
fortunately are of light weight wool¬
ens, and are very little trimmed. A
bias satin fold an inch wide headed
with a narrow band of jet is around
the foot of very handsome cloth
gowns. Others have merely a fold of
the wool, carael’s-hair or basket cloth
below the edge, between the outside
and lining, and held there by three or
four rows of stitching, which give a
neat finish. Three back gores, pointed
at the top and spreading out in fan
pleats to the foot, are on many skirts,
some of them completed by the little
projecting basque introduced in the
spring with silk gowns.
Bias puffed sleeves are enormously
wide at the top, and are caught up or
draped by choux or bows. They taper
to the wrist, but are often left rather
large below the elbow and wrinkled
around the arm, Avhich adds to the ef¬
fect of great size.
Round waists reappear in many
way—box-pleated, slashed, with a
yoke, or with a guimpe of contrasting
material, the lower part carried up
above the bust in vaudyke points and
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TWO AUTUMN SOW
edged with jet galloon. Pleated waists
have two box pleats down the back,
starting from the shoulders, where
they are two inches and a half wide,
and tapering an inch narrower at the
waist line. They are folded in one
pieoe, with the middle space being
plain. A side form begins under the
pleats, so that tho only seams shown
are those under the arm. The fronts
are much fuller than the back, having
two similar pleats and a full gathered
plastron. The slashing of waists is
confined to the front, like those de¬
scribed in the summer.
Silk waists with wool skirts will re¬
main in favor, and are of very rich
fabrics—brocades, moire, satin and
velvet. A novelty for waists is silk
and wool moire, a similar fabric to
bengaline, but very soft and prettily
watered. The richest brocades for
waists are also soft, some having a
basket-woven ground, others armnre
of two colors and the brocade a third
color, as a blue and brown ground
with large green leaf design as glossy
as satin, yet sunk in the surface. Soft
collars with belt to match are of satin
ribbons, or of the new supple moire
out bias from the piece. Liberty
satin waists will be worn the color of
the skirt or in contrast to it. Thus a
mother and daughter just returned
from Paris have waists of the simplest
fashion of this pliable satin, the
daughter wearing a corn-flower blue
crepon skirt with a mauve satin waist,
and also with a blue waist of satiu.
A HUNTING COSTUME.
One of the projectors of the Adiron
daok Railroad left to his daughter, a
lovely woman, a good many square
miles of forest land, which she herself
knows by heart. She wears in the
woods a brown corduroy suit, shoot
ing jacket, with ten pockets, cap and
short skirt, reaching just to the
top of her extremely high shoes, If
she were thirty years of age, instead
of fifty, writes a correspondent of the
■
V:
I*.
I
u.
I
^nl iv
V CS m
HUNTING COSTUME.
-----—— -
Chicago Record, I think she might
wear knickerbockers, though, as yet,
I haven’t seen a pair of these bifurea
tions in the woods. Yet they are a
A a w.® brown corduroy , is unsuited , 7 to
some complexions. Y, hat say you
then to a suit m big English checking
of any tints you want, the skirt made
to clear the ground by four or five
inches, the head covering a checked ■
fore-and-after. with checked gaiter*
over t*n shoes? One of the prettiest
woods dresses I have Reen is so made,
and its complete success emphasizes
the value of accurate fitting and taste¬ i
ful details, even in the simplest dress.
STUDIES IN CREPON.
^ e learn from the gTeat importers
that crepons will be among the favor¬
ite materials. And this is not to be
*opdered at when in we consider that
erepou appears so many forms and
designs. Those of this season thus far
aid varied and beautiful. The greater |
nil nber of them show a groundwork
ot ane color, over which are thrown
st pes or designs in raised mohair or
so t chenille effects.
)ne of these latter is particularly
beautiful. The ground is an uneven
sti >e of black erepou and black silk,
then black aud blue silk. Over this
is h dotted effect in cut chenille or
plush, in shades of golden brown,
sha ling from a delicate yellow into rich
seal tints. The whole is most brilliant
and soft withal. Another c-repou has
a dull heliotrope ground, with a black
ch t n stitch in mohair, forming a
stri >e. Another produces a black ef
xec by stripes of dull sage and dull
phi l color, with another stripe cross¬
ing ,liese of the curling mohair effect
in b.ack.
FANCIES IN FANS.
Ft ns to match the gown with which
they are carried are among the early
fall aovelties. When milady buys
an chasf; eiining gown of brocade she pur
a bit more of the silk than her
rnodlte needs and orders it made into
a fan. Among the new fans made to
order is one of faint green brocade,
scattered with pale pink rose leaves.
Thest s of the fan are black and the
tops fin.iked with a soft row of black
marabout feathers. Quaint fans are
much the 'ogue, and the old-fashioned
design ve fry Vuvnd
paintfd. An exquisite fan which
would b< arming with a black and
white gown is made of white satin,
over w-iich fine black lace butterflies
are flying. thudded The sticks are black en¬
amel with tiny diamond stars.
Inexpensive and dainty fans are made
of Drisden ribbons, with a finish of
soft feithers corresponding in color to
the flower upon the ribbon.
QUAINT DIVAN PILLOWS.
To those who like to cover their di¬
vans with quaint-looking cushions
these three patterns, recently brought
from a Turkish harem, may be inter¬
esting. No. 1 is of sky-blue satin,
with tvo of the ends richly embroid*
mry
it
flfsSs m
§1
THREE QUAINT PILLOWS.
ered with gold thread, two of the eor
ners being finished with metal points,
and the other two with gold tassels.
No. 2 is finished at either end with
round , bolsters, , , , and , . combma- . .
two is a
^ lon g reen yelloa plush, dec
ora t e( i with bands ol needlework. No.
3 is a mo3t comfortable arrangement
a headrest, not unlike, save for its
^chness, tne usual bolster aud pillow
* or a bed.
RIBBON MUCH IN USE.
Ribbon is as much used now as ever
for trimming dresses; straps, bows and
bands of ribbon are employed in every
conceivable way; long straps are ar¬
ranged on the skirt in straight lines
from the waist downward, ending half
way dof*n the skirt or nearer the edge
in a bo w, but straps are also fashion¬
able, rising upward irom the edge in
straight; or oblique lines, to a height
of. about twelve inches, each strap end¬
ing at the top under a bow or rosette,
these straps are put rather near to¬
gether and form a border all around
the skirt. Robings and panels of lace
and embroidery are also trimmed aud
draped with bows.
RICH, WARM RES.
for Redhjas not been very good style
winter wear for some years, but
f5 ° nie capes oi red clotn and also of
f irom lms ? both a t e l London V6t J*™ and Paris, broU and * u £ over the
woman xjmo has an unconquerable fond
ness for. crimson may hope to gratify
it withopt being out of fashion if the
present ^igns do not fail.
At the; beginning oi , tne eighteenth
century ;the national deut ox Great
was only S3,320,000; since
t^en it lias increased through war ex
uensos to the onormon-i total of
S3,425,0 &-____
An . En'glish _ writer describes _ Poe and
Ftnersonj. beautiful “the and the one other as th^ artist that of of the the
as
true.”
_
Best Rifle Shot o! Her Sex.
An interesting proof of the herediN
or skill is to be found in the case ol
Miss Lizzie Utschig, of San Fran
fm,
m.
Ml
MISS LIZZIE TTSCHIG.
cisco, who has only been handling n
rifle four months and yet who is
probably the best rifle shot of her sex
in California.
“I suppose it is natural that I should
know how to handle a rifle,” she said,
when asked concerning her accomplish¬
ment by a reporter for the Examiner.
“We all shoot. My father, John
Utschig, is one of the champions, you
know. He has made the best target
record in California. Then there is
my mother. She is a good shot, and
my brothers and sisters have all made
excellent scores.”
Miss Utschig achieved distinction
as the best markswomau in California
at a recent monthly shoot of the
Ladies’ California Schuetzen Club by
making a total of 112 out of a possible
125, and winning the club’s medal for
June. The range was 200 yards at a
twelve-inch target, with a dead centre
uo bigger than a dollar and almost in¬
visible through the sights. She won
the medal at the May shoot also, scor¬
ing a total of 109. The medal for
April was won by Mrs. J. Utschig,
Miss Utschig’s mother, with a total of
110. Miss Utschig is pretty, petite
and only twenty years of age. John
Utschig, the father of Lizzie, is
accounted the best shot in California.
Not long ago ho scored 25, 25, 25, 25,
24 in a three-shot pool. In the first
pool he made three centres, and in
the next pool he scored 25, 24, 24.
These are two of the best pools on
record at 200 yards range. Four
years ago he made a tour of European
cities with a picked team of California
marksmen and brought back a dozen
valuable prizes won in international
contests in Berlin, Vienna, Bremen
and Geneva.
A Short Life.
The most Remarkable instance of
rapid growthis that recorded by the
French Academy in 1729. It was a
boy six years of age, who was five feet
six inches in height. At the age of
five his voice changed, and at six
years his beard had grown, and he ap¬
peared a man of thirty. He possessed
great physical strength, and could
easily lift to his shoulders and carry
bags of grain that weighed 209
pounds. His decline was as rapid as
his growth. At eight his hair and
beard were gray; at ten he tottered in
his walk, his teeth fell out, and his
hands became palsied; at twelve he
died with every outward sign of ex¬
treme old age.- -Picayune.
A Fish With a Torch.
Scientists have recently introduced
a novelty in the animal world in the
shape of the linophryne lucifer, but
it is a deal easier to call it by its
everyday name—the torchfish. He is
a deep sea fish carrying on his nose an
organ which he can illuminate with
phosphorescent light or extinguish
at pleasure. He does not use his lan¬
tern to guide him on his pathless
course in the dark depths of ocean or
enable him to look around him, but
when meal time comes he lights up to
attract smaller fishes, which, mistak¬
ing the lantern for a phosphorescent
insect, dart straight for it, only to
find their way into the capacious jaws
of linophryne lucifer.---Detroit Free
Press.
Italian Buffaloes.
The Italian buffalo is a breed of cat¬
tle but little known outside of the
locality of which it is a native, The
origin of the breed is unknown. The
feu
|lsfi
mm m t W
m
ITALIAN BUFFALO.
cattle roam about in a semi-wikl state,
and are very diffcult to control. Ic
3pite of this they are very prolific sc
that there is money in keeping up the
herds. No crossing or improvement
of the breed has ever been attempted.
In color the cattle are reddish black
or black, shaped somewhat like the or¬
dinary cow, but with a larger and
heavier rump. They have short, rouna
necks and large, curved horns. They
are to be found chiefly in the vicinity
of Naples, where it is calculated there
are 12,000 of them. They are chiefly
used for yielding milk for a peculiar
kind of cheese called “latinicus. ”
While giving milk they are also used
for tilling the soil until the age of
fourteen years, when they are turned
over to the butcher.
The animals are large, the bulls
weighing 2000 pounds and the cows
1600 and 1700 pounds. The buffaloes
require litt i e car e, and get little,
Thev are never fastened, and never
boused except in very severe weather,
and then the protection is only such
a heavv she q wiI1 a ff or j. Their
food 18 j arg ely the wild grass, but
when hay is fed it is thrown into the
bushes, so that it may not be trodden
under foot. The herders trv to have
the calves come in the fall," that the
greatest milk supplv maybe in the
winter, when there is the most .profit
; n tv,p pKppsa
____
ported into Germanv •««»«.*»- comes from Aus*
tria-Hnn^arv. °
__
There are 147 Indian reservatiurf
in tbe United states,
A Fireman’s Air Helmet.
A party of London fire department
officials are making a tour of the great
cities of Europe and were recently
given an exhibition by the Vienna tire
department.
The- appliance most interesting tc
the English visitors was the chamois
skin helmet and air life tube for use in 1
cellars or underground buildings vlien
on fire. It is the invention of Chief
Inspector Muller, second iu command
of the Vienna Fire Brigade. The air
tube is spirally protected and cannot
bend or split. lhe end is attached to
a manual and the air pumped through. '
The helmet is securely fastened to the
shoulders by two thin chains passed
under the armpits. It was subjected
to a rigid test iu the court of the Cen¬
tral Fire Station. The tire-proof cel¬
lar which the fireman thus equipped
entered was full of the densest smoke.
The English captains who assayed to
accompany him were quickly driven
r v^fSr 1
o
( u S3 m
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a
ADJUSTING THE AIR TUBE.
back on descending the staircase it¬
self. Chief Inspector Muller, after
the trial was over, was warmly con¬
gratulated on the simplicity and great
utility of this air helmet.—Chicago
Times.
The Nile by Night.
“I suppose no professional ‘globe¬
trotter’ is ever satisfied,” said James
T Hurd, of New York, “without a
sojourn in Alexandria and a voyage
of four or five weeks up tho Nilo. The
river itself, I must say, did at first
sadly disappoint me. AVo Americans
are apt to be rather exacting in the
matter of rivers—naturally enough,
considering the beauty and grandeur
of our own. AVhen I saw the strong
stream in the hot sunshine, looking
like floating mud rather than water, I
hated to believe it the Nile of my
dreams. Beauty, majesty and power,
not utility, was wliat I wanted to see
in the historic river. But when the
sun went down and the moon gilded,
not silvered,-the indeed, stream, then it be¬
came, t.ie river of my im¬
agination. The unsightly hanks,
which by day were steep walls of black
mud, like huge unbaked brick, be¬
came picturesque and even beautiful,
with waving groves of palm and fields
of grain.”—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Killing Pallia Mercifully.
It is often urged that the present
barbarous methods of slaughtering
cattle should cease. The j>lea for de¬
cency and humanity in the work have
been made over and over and always
failed, but now the scientists are
aroused. They say that a change in the
method of slaughter would benefit the
health of the consumer, for the terror
to which the animal is subjected neces¬
sarily affects the fiesli, at times ac¬
tually poisoning it.
There is no necessity for the scenes
now enacted at the slaughter-houses.
Various devices have been invented to
perform the work quickly and decent¬
ly. The illustration represents the
Swiss method of slaughtering cattle.
The invention consists of a mask or a
plate of iron, which fits the forehead
of the animal, and is readily attached
by straps, which are fastened round
the horns. In the center of the mask
is fixed a steel gun, ten inches long
and of about thirty-eight callibre, the
breech being outward and provided
with a steel needle, wdiich, on being
struck with a small hammer explodes
the ordinary metallic cartridge with
which it is loaded. The barrel is
fixed at such an angle to the interior
surface of the mask that the bullet
pierces the center of the brain, as
shown in the small side illustration,
and is buried in the spinal marrow,
producing instantaneous and painless
death. AVith tame, quiet cattle a form
of this implement is used which is not
bound to the head, but simply applied
to the forehead and fired. In either
case the result is the same. The ox
walks without fear or apprehension to
the shambles, a touch is given to the
m.
i p
THE SLAUGHTERING DEVICE.
fatal needle, and the huge creature
drops, utterly dead and incapable of
suffering.—New York World.
Milk vs. Cheese.
On most dairy farms in country dis¬
tricts of Scotland the custom is to sell
milk daring the winter months and to
make cheese in summer. It is often a
difficult question to say which method
will be the more profitable, but many
farmers make it a rule to begin cheese¬
making whenever the price of milk
falls below twelve cents per gallon.—
New York World.
A man feels drowsy after a hearty
dinner because a large part of the
blood in the system soes to the stom¬
ach to aid in digestion and leaves the
brain poorly supplied.
COMING OF THE RAIN.
Long were the hills duu-co’oro.l, nn l the
sky
Was cloudless for so ninny blinding days—•
The panting herds along the trampled
ways
Sought for tho cooling streams—but they
were dry.
go trickling rills from fountains, mountains
high!
Then in the south crept up the pearly linro.
The white clouds wandered in a golden
maze,
p, joy, the welcome rain was speeding nigh!
Sow on tho plain the wind-blown waiting
seeds
Spring into vivid green, tho curtaining
mist
Of showered pearls veils each uplifted
face
Of granite mountain. Hills which sun¬
shine kiss' 1 1
Glow, emerald gems wrapped in line !
filmy lace,
While hurrying raindrops pipe their llute*
like reeds!
—Sylvia Lawson Covey, in Overland Monthly
ITffl AND POINT.
Man sleeps on his rights and
awake over his wrongs.—Dallas News,
His wife aroused him with a shou\
But “The cows are in the corn,” she said ;
when he reached there lie found out
The corn was iu the cows, instead.
“No, Angelina, the United States
army is not provided with quarters at
the Government iniut.”—Buffalo
Courier.
AVo have heard many women wish
tliev were men, but wo never knew a
man wlxo wauted to be a woman. -New
York Mercury.
Little Miss Freckles—“Mrs. S. has
got. ft big round glass, and its full of
goldfish.” Little Miss Mtiggs — “Huh !,
I’ll bet they’re plated.”—Good Newsy
Dame Fortune’s favors, you will Ha l,
Are very seldom bunched ;
The man who “travels on Ins face*'
Is apt to gel it punched.
— Detroit Free Brehs
It is unfair that the melons should
always look bigger aud jucier, aitfdthe
ice cream colder strapped.”—Cleveland au l smoother, j when
a fellow is Plain
Dealer. / [
“I got off'a pretty good tUing last
night,” said Straddles. “What wan
it?” asked Raddles. $125 bicyclqC”—Boston “Poojit a header
from my
Bulletin. /
secured “So young couple Dr. of Knjbwall yjjatients, finally eh?
a
Have they gained any jgrouud since ho
took them in hand?” “Yep; six feet
apiece.”--Buffalo Courier.
She (haughtily) —y M beg your par*
don, sir; you have tho advantage of
me.” I He (jauntily) — “I should say I
had. am tho fellow you jilted tea
years ago.”—Boston Transcript.
As you pass through ) the world you’d iiu t
this true;
What’s one man’s mascot’s another’s hoo¬
doo.
I --New York Press.
Mrs. AVillowynap (cxlliug on Mrs.
Wangle) — “You-’re mother has a lot
of new furniture, hasn’t she, Willie?”
Willie—“Yes’m, and the man comas
here every week to collect the bill.”—
Hew York Sun.
Insurance Item : Insurance Agent
(to widow) — “I av ill send you a check
for the $5000 insurance on your late
husband.” Widow—“Ah, if my poor
husband had only lived to see this
day.”—Texas Siftings.
“To whom are we indebted for tliifj
call?” smiled Mrs. AVaitabit, as sho
greeted a good-looking man at the
front door. “The butcher, ma’am,”
was the reply, “It’s $9.86. There’s!
the bill.”—Glens Falls Republican.
Book Agent—“Here is that book,
ma’am, ‘How to Play the Piano.’”
Lady of the House—“What book? I
didn’t order any book.” Book Agent
‘No’m, but the neighbors told m<J
to bring it to you.”—Harlem Life.
I met him and said he was lookituj well;
He seized me at on?e by the coat lapel ;
“The tariff—” was what lie began lo say, |
But I instantly flooro 1 him and got away,
—Now York Press.
Guffy—“I thought you said you
could tell the past, the present and
future?” Fortune Teller—“So I cm.”
Guffy—“You must have known, then,
that I wouldn’t pay you anything for
your humbug. Good-bye.”—Truth.
Tne proofreader sat, ill at eas *. t’.i033J
He murmured, “YVnat sorrows are
Most tongues I have read.
Both the modern and de id.
And now I must stu ly Ciiinese *.
—Washington Htar.
Lieutenant—“We advauced only
five miles yesterday.” Captain (of
Arctic expedition) — “That’s what I
reckoned it. We’ve got to do better
than that or our relief expedition will
be catching up with us.”—Marino
Journal.
“You seem to have a very lively lit¬
tle town here and appear to keep
right up with the times.” Ye.*, sirree;
we have, besides churches, schools
and factories, three ladies who can
step off a street car in the right way.”
—Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Rambler — “That Bartlett girl
thinks a great deal of me. AVhen I
told her I was going aroun l the world
she asked me to be sure aud write hes^aA
from every place I visited.” AVilter— postage^
“Yes; she is collecting
stamps.”—New York Bun.
Mrs. Houser - ‘ ‘The papers say
there aro more’n a dozen eau lidatea
in the field. AVhat ou earth are they
there for?” Houser—“.Such ignor¬
ance is astonishing, Airs. Houser.
They are after the farmer’s vote, of
course.”—Buffalo Courier.
Tapley—“I won’t need vour ser
vices any longer, doctor. I’ve found
a cure for my loss of appetite.”
Physician—“What’s that?” Tapley
— “Come down in the morning with¬
out money euough to buy my lunch
with. AA T orks like a charm.”—Chicago
Record.
Fond Mother—“Do you think my
daughter will become a fine pianist?”
Professor von Thump-“I am afraid
nod, madame. But after another
year’s bractice her fingers will be
limbered up so dot she can make a
brilliant success mit a typewriter.”—
Good News.
‘1 infer, said the young woman,'
“that the habit of writing for publiea
ion teaches one tue necessity ol
veighing his words.” “It does,” re*
i •lied the poet. “ There is the return
postage to be kept down to as low «
limit as possible, ycu know.”—Indian
epulis Juurnal.