Newspaper Page Text
THE MONROE
VOL. XL
crcfiiry Morton rcporte that tho
exports of oleomargarine nro ten times
( trg< r in amount and value each year
than our ports of butter.
Germany Franco and Austria’s
supply of beet ugar is greatly in
Ct of tho demand, and they are
competing with each other in the pay¬
ment of ex | ort bounties.
If Captain Ilowgato gets out of his
present scrape, announces the Atlanta
Constitution, lie will recover his pro
part y seized by the government at the
time of his arrest. It is now worth
$1,000,000.
Dwellers ulon ; along the lower Rio
Grande say that an international ques¬
tion must some day arise ov r the us;
of its upper waters for irrigation. If
the people oil the tipper river shoal 1
get hoggish those below would Buffer.
“The wave of women's editions of
newspapers seems to have passed,"
notes tho New York Times. “M my
of them were very creditable, but they
Were hardly needed to demonstrate
that women's work is acceptable in
now spaper offices, ”
The eucalyptus tree, which is being
plant' d extensively in (Hliforuiu for
windbreaks and other purposes, grows
to a height of fifty feet in three years
after the feed is planted. When raised
for eordwood and cut once every liftli
year it brings about •'?■'>() ail acre.
It is said that the savage tribes of
tins Hon Ian have it in their power to
ruin Egypt by damming tho waters oi.
tlm Nlie, or tho Italians by using its
upper waters for irrigating. To keep
Egypt in good taxpaying condition,
tho British must control the tipper
Nile. .
The king of Denmark sent u tele¬
gram to President Fuuro of France,
Congratulating him bu lus election 9
and recalling a “delightful evening”
at . the . Royal theatre . ut . Copenhag ,, , en,
wherehehad *»en iiiilJL
Jt. was not till so mo time
rrM"
Franco wero two persons.
Tho death of General Bung Ching,
at tho ago of seventy by a fall from
his horse in Manchuria, robs China of
another of her ablest commanders.
What with beheadings, suicides and
accidents and desertion by foreigners
remarks the New York M iil and Ex¬
press, China’s army and navy have
few men left who are worthy anything
Hor condition in this war has been
lamentable, m mtally and physically.
A Loudon mathematician estimates
that tho whole population of tho
world could bo packed in a box mea¬
suring only 1,110 yards in width,
1,1 10 yards in depth rtnd 1,140 yards
in height. E ich person ho says could
bo allowed twenty-seven cubic foot of
room in such a box and tho box itself
could ho deposited when full in any of
tho London parks, with ample room
to spare, and a ’cyclist could run
around it in six minutes, the distance
being two and a half miles, “This
goes to show,” muses tho Atlanta Con¬
stitution, “how small a part of tho
earth’s surface, after nil, is required
to furnish standing room for its in¬
habitants.
The fanciful nomenclature of the
reataraunt waiter has often been tho
subject of comment and many columns
of copy, touching ou the same, have
passed the compositor’s hands. The
trade of tho llorLt is not without its
jargon. The World gives the follow¬
ing as being in use in New York:
Chrysanthemums, “mums;” tube roses,
“tubes;” lilies of tho valley, “valleys”
Jacqueminot roses, “jacks;” bride
roses, “brides;” primroses, “prims;”
maria Louise violets, “Louisas;” gol¬
den-rod, “rods;” stephuuotis, “stops ;”
CajK3 jasmin, “capes;” japonicas,
“japs;” amaryllis, “rills;” China as¬
ters, “chinas;” morning glories, “glo¬
ries;” lemon verbena, “lemons;” nnr
ciasus, “cissus:” rhododeurous, “den
drous;” immortelles, “everlastings.”
The great ordinance survey map of
England, coutaiuing over 108,000
sheets, and costing during tho last
twenty years about $1,000,000 a year,
is nearly completed. The scales vary
from ten to live feet to tho mile for
the towns, through twenty-live inches,
six inches, ono inch. } and . 1 iueh to
tho mile. The details aro so minute
that “tho tweuty-five and six inch
maps show every hedge, fence, ditch,
wall, building, and even every isolated
tree in the country. Tho tweuty-five
inch map shows in color the material
of which every part of a building is
constructed. The plans show not only
the exact shape of every bail ling, but
©very porch, area, doorstep, lamp
pout, railway a»d fireplug
FORSYTH, MONROE COUNTYjLA, TUESDAY 5 } \G, JI AY 14, 1895.
ON EASTER MOIiN.
On Krister morn
The softened winds to every quickened
ear
Breathe music sweet, telling the timeof
year
All nature Hint's, nnl in glad antiphon,
Blent with the organ’s tone,
The voice of man in praise to heaven is
borne.
With April’s fairest ofiVrings we adorn
Our altars, embleming eternal spring
O’er winter triumphing,
And good o’er evil, joyousness o’er
gloom;
Yea, life o’er death—Christ risen from
the tomb
On Easter morn.
HN EBSTER flWRKEHIHG.
I’axton Barnes paused at the cross
roads and looked about him with un¬
certainly and discontent, which Iho
chill gray atmosphere seemed to
share. To the north lay his father’s
farm, to tho west the homo of his
father’s half brother, whom lie had
always called Uncle Abram Holmes.
Of course Ho ought to hasten to see
his parents, but then there was Bes¬
sie, whose relationship he denied for
a tenderer reason. Should he not
first tell her of his success? Should
she not join in breaking tho news?
But she hadn’t written, oither; nor
bod she met him at tho station, as
he had surely expected she would.
Why, then, should ho tell any of
thotn, at least for a day or so? They
wore so accustomed to their vale of
* 0ftrH tHnfc a peremptory ejectment
might seem heartless. Such strange,
self contained, apathetic people,
Without, a spark of interest in their
own affairs except a conviction that
these could not bo changed. There¬
fore, lot Paxton, if he wero silly
onough, worry and strive and fail;
j 10 mighf, go, ) I0 might come, but the
old life must not swerve from the old
groove of routine.
But Bessie—what a bright, affec¬
tionate littlo creature sho was I
Truly, yet even she could not escape
from the trammels of her childhood.
Hadshc not sympathized more readily
with his people than with him? Had
sho not reiterated that ho couldn’t
understand them? Well, thank
goodness, ^ ho was different. lie never
W QU i, avo considered a league’s
'pi^g^uigh aftISSfiii tho mud of a proper ,niles wol
como rne Y -
0> ""
in tho metropolis by his mother’s
people and encouragod to believe
that he would bo well
pleased there? Had nob that pros¬
pect been shattered by misfortune
and death, and had he not returned
to the farm, which had never seemed
a home to him, resolved manfully to
perform his filial duty? Come now,
had ho not done so? Had he nob
struggled there a sufficient timo to
appreciate how fruitless such strug¬
gles were? Had ho not found that
the soil was sterile and exhausted;
that the markets were too near and
too distant, and their prices too
meager?
Had he not perceived that the
mortgage was yearly gaining weight
from arrearages and must certainly
crush the old homestead? Come now,
had lie not then accepted the proposi¬
tion of those city people who had
confidence in him and gone into that
wild, newly discovered mining coun¬
try, and in three months made
more money than the old farm could
produce in a century ?
Como now. again, had he not thus
risked health and life, and endured
hardship and gone without sleep for
the sole purpose of aiding those who
could not help themselves, yet who
disdained his aid? Yes, and to gain
Bessie, of coqrse. His Uncle Abram
Holmes wouldn't now refuse to givo
him her hand. But Bessie, in com¬
prehending tho strength and the
weakness of these people, where he
failed, did she not confess a similarity
to them? Was sho not also cold and
apathetic? Oh, no! tender memories
shamed the thought, but yet—
was more grievous¬
ly disappointed than he realized. He
had written to his parents and his
sweetheart in ambiguous terms, yet
between the lines had gleamed his
reat joy. He had reiterated the
ate and hour of his arrival. And
throughout the ceaseless roll of his
journey thither he had heard songs
of triumph. In the flashes of light
and the plunges of gloom he had
seen their greeting, had felt his
father's fervid grasp and Bessie’s
proud caresses. At length he had
arrived. There was the little brown
station, an outpost of civilization;
the agent in shirt sleeves despite the
cold; and that was all. except the
mud and the chill, dark atmosphere.
And straightaway his high hopes had
become as gray as the surroundings.
So I’axton hesitated, and so he
complained, when there was a jolting
rumble and the sousing tread of
horses. He looked up and beheld
his father homeward bound on the
farm wagon. The old man's face ex¬
pressed neither surprise nor pleasure
to him; naught, indeed, save the rig¬
idity of years.
“Hullo, Paxton,” drawled the
farmer, reining up his steed. “Got
back, hev ye? Jump aboard . ”
Paxton took his share of the buf¬
falo robe and of the progressional
shaking up.
“How's mother?” he said.
“Poorly. ”
“And Bessie?”
“Much as usual, I guess. Abram
and she will set by to dinner to-mor¬
arter service. ’’
row
“Oh, in honorof its being Easter?’
“Waal. I don’t know to thet.
Wo don't observe the day in
cPBunUDion, y $s kttOVf; gtiJ) si)
lV
natur’ celebrates resurrection, though
spring is backward. And what the
good Lord shows in the seed and the
bud His creatures ought to praise.”
There was a pause which seemed
o say “What next?” to Paxton,
though ho was convinced that it was
t.oiceless to his father. So he lighted
cigar and puffed vigorously. The
vld man looked wistfully toward him,
but he didn’t perceive the glance.
Tho old man sighed and then chirped
hurriedly to the horses—an unneces¬
sary caution, for he did not hear
him.
Tho farmer surveyed the horizon
as if seeking inspiration. “Yes, we
hey had consid’rablo weather,” ho
ventured, as if ho had found it.
Paxton replied that ho had en
countered snowstorms wherever ho
had been.
“Which way did you come?”
“From Denver, Chicago, Philadel¬
phia and New York.”
“Sho! a rolling stun, I guess.
Waal, you must trust to the sile, my
boy. There’s only mother and me
to keep, and wo can’t last long.”
“Haven’t you had any letters from
mo lately?”
“Sartin. One a week afore Christ¬
mas. Tho road’s been so rugged
sence I’ve not gone to the office. Bad
news comes fast enough without
springing stock to fetch it.”
“And Bessie, hasn’t sho?”
“Oh, I alius git Abram's mail.
Saves doubling up.”
Paxton pulled more vigorously on
his cigar. Well he remembered tho
letter which had boon received, a let¬
ter written in despondency and
burdened with gloom. Somehow it
seemed natural that this alono should
have como, and he blamed “theso
people” for it, for they always felt as
he had felt in his first days at the
mining camp before he had chanced
to befriend the drunken Swode and
thus gain that magic information.
Oil, of course they had received it,
and known its contents before they
road them, and then and there had
determined the failure of his mission !
Who so skeptical of one’s ability as
one’s own? Since, therefore, they
were so content lob them so remain
for the present. He would not care
to attend church on tho morrow, and
if ho told them now they would boar
tho tidings to Bessie, and ho pre¬
ferred to reserve that pleasure for
himself. After all, sho was vastly
different. How her dear eyes would
sparkle and her little hands dap to
gather! So Paxton reflected and re
,rained siI «-to’id his fa ther fo und
'
conduct of each was proof to the
other.
“There’s mother,” said the farmer,
as they drew up bofore the old home¬
stead and the hired man slouched to
the horses
Paxton waved a response to the
welcoming apron, and then went to
the rear of the wagon to lift out his
satchel. He did nob see the expres¬
sive glances between the agod cou
plo nor tho warning shako of his
father’s head.
“My poor, dear child,” cried his
mother, as she enfolded him in her
arms. Ah, routine and environments
could not stifle maternity, but how
sad, how subdued she straightway
became as if ashamed of a natural
emotion 1 The evening dragged until
tho crackling of the hickory logs and
the sing of the kettle became a dirge
of despair, and f ho great mahogany
clock with the somber harvesters on
its face ticked out, “Such is life!
Such is life!” un.il Paxton sought
diversion in Young’s ‘Night’s
Thoughts,” but in vain. His father,
with family bible and concordance,
was plodding through the Sunday
school lesson. His mother was busy,
so it seemed, with the identical
mending which had engrossed her
leisure during his boyhood. They
both were silent, and both were wist¬
ful, but Taxton noted only the for¬
mer attribute.
“I think I shall go to bed,” at
length he said.
“Paxton, won’t you remain for
family worship?”
“Excuse me, to-night, mother. I
am so very tired.” And as he with
drew to his room the silence was
again broken, for the old- people
S ‘ g ' le
But „ the next , morning . matters ,, „
seemed more endurable to Paxton.
The sun was shilling with cloudless
glory, and buds were hailing its re
turn. The air was balmy and buoy
S‘.g hi»s° £? of e .u^
mer _____ could ______ he read. ------ The The l.tt.o little vil
lage in the valley below seemed to
exhale peace which the mellow bell
from the square, wooden tower of the
church of his fathers softly pro
claimed. Faxton no longer thought
exultantly cried out. "This la life in
deed!”
And. beside, the blissful assurance
was his that in a few hours he would
see Bessie and relate lus triumph
and receive his rewards. Oh, how
happy she would be, and so proud,
so proud of him! Gone were his
morose doublings of the previous
day, born of disappointment and
fatigue. He greeted his parents
with old time cheerfulness, and was
not so self absorbed as to fail to see
that it gratified them. He wandered
impatiently throughout the mes
suage, reviving boyish memoriss and
marveling at their sweetness, until
the great, clumsy wagons creaked
out their return and he held Bessie,
smiling and rosy and altogether de
licious, close to lus heart.
“You poor, dear boy.” she whis
pered. “how you have suffered, and
. .
so bravely! After diuner you
. -
tell me all your trials and forget
] j them in the telling.”
4nd Faxton almost wished that he
had failed. b| 4* ’ was so al
luring,
After dlnn fTe. His parents
departed fat'd 1 lay school, and
Uncle Abnua loudly trump
eted from th* 1 'ge_his preference
for slumber. M y were alone, and
with Bessie’s H > hand within his.
and Bessie’s $«, ^ eyes bespeaking
approval, be
“I Use' a; that you didn’t
get my h ■fc week.”
“Now, Ik Bn’fcgo & into that
j again, pleace know how iso
la ted we are Hsuch weather as
we have hh B-side, our people
; are old fashis ■and I’m sure we
both love the! * more for it. And
after all isn't! vtter? You prob¬
ably were lots ated when writing,
but you c»fi f”when telling me
face to face.”
of “Well, wealthy then.jlyau Ifends know that some
my in the motrop
olis concei'dl A|h-' idea that there
were great JjSg {JfD fljF- cities for invost
ment in thew.it discovered mining
thither country, witH afi[ ..’jmority •put they sent me
to draw on
them found for a cert I ^large chance amount to place if I
a prom; *p.2*igh
it. I went vj$( hopes, which
wero quickly dispfl.ed. Of all cold,
barren, comfort barbarous spots
in tho world 1 settlement is the
extreme, I voril Ciieve.
‘ ‘A cluster of its on the moun
tain side, bur if 1 by the snow and
racked by galen a collection of exca¬
vations, aban {5 l and in operation,
but all danger*’ * of gaunt, creaking
derricks and ’cut piles of debris;
and a gathering IMethor of tho reck¬
less and the th| J ious from tho four
quarters of i'iobe, not to mention
an undue prow ’Mon of the nnfortu
nate, who, of -ilfSe, are everywhei’e
—that is Midji ’lie
“Never have ircckttpelent, %feit so helpless, so
ridiculously and I must
have looked ,,my 5 feelings, for the
sharks of the Cikaip (that is, four
fifths of its population) immediately offered
marked me as jgYy and mo
the most temptk(g opportunities of
disposing of my f iends’ money. But
I was cautious ; f orlnins that is why
my friends sole led me; so after a
little the sharks osisted and then I
became so lows )me that I quite
r
longed for their isinterested atten¬
tions. I wantlei'd and I observed,
and tho more I f id so tho less I dis
covered, oxe©|| ideed, fraud and
failure. I beo discouraged and
determined at least Jjp 1 ’ irn home, where d.
one ‘
MIL
prop'uVwr^BgE r ^ >intmont.”
with “Poor tender PaxtdpPj^ stroke sighed of that Bessie, little
a
hand.
“Aye, ‘Poor Paxton.’ I remember,
oh, so vividly 1 tho night I mailed
those letters. It was intensely cold
and the snowflakes cut like heated
sand. The gale from the mountains
was tho sweep of a two edged sword.
As I was hastening to my lodging I
stumbled at the very entrance over a
prostrate form. I scraped away the
enshrouding snow and there lay a
man, a great, burly fellow, overcome
by drink and in pleasant dreams,
freezing to death. There was no time
to deliberate. I managed to raise
him in my arms and bear him to my
room, and after working over him for
hours I had the satisfaction of per¬
ceiving that his slumbers had become
normal and would lead to recovery
by morning.”
“What a
“Oh, as to that I was rewarded by
the heat generated. So I crept before into I
tho bed beside him and
kuew it it. was daylight and my stran¬
ger guest was gazing at me with eyes
which said gratitude as plainly as
yours say love.”
“They must have been very ex¬
pressive.”
< 4 Ho was a Swede,a practical miner.
He knew me and my purpose at
Midasville, as, alas! every one did
and unto ridicule. ‘Waster,’ he said,
‘I’m a poor man, but I can give you
a pointer. Buy the Begum ‘What mine. do
You can buy it cheap.’
y forked 0U know about it?’ I asked. ‘I’ve
there,’he replied. ‘The own
ers think it is exhausted, but it isn’t,
jf was my i aS fe word on a stack of
bibles as high as this room I'd say
the Be g u “' Master ' ond y 00 ' 11
never regret f it.
“I think that
have been an imaginary quality, Bes
by the for I way did buy tha the >t Begum derives it .(found, nam
freun'the discovered
who who discovered it. it. I I bought bought it it and and
paid $150,000 for it and there I was
with a white elephant on my hands
and totally ignorant of the habits of
all white elephants,
rock, so 1= seemed to me than would
suffice for the foundation ot tK
earth ; but my adviser kept saying
Patience. He would probably
still be harping on this single string,
but one evening I was sitting in my
room alone dubiously figuring when
the door opened and a.man entered
and bolted it behind him. He was
• decidedly rough m appearance
bearded. booted. with a great
slouched bat and two revolvers
thrust into his belt.”
j “Partner,” he said, “I want that
mine.”
“I looked at the revolvers, and then
thought that he doubtless would get
it. He smiled as if he read my fears
and told me his name, and I sighed
with relief, for it is a synonym for
wealth and probity throughout the
mining region,
i “Well, my dear, he was a deter
. mined man, . . and _ I an _ anxious . one, . so
j we came to terms. He got that mine,
: paying pie for it 000 in drafts on
\ Daum, Chicago, .Philadelphia and
mm
%
New York. I hastened to these cities
and got the money, and thence to my
! friends, who received me as if I were
a magician and gave me a magician’s
reward. And hero I am, and—why,
Bessie, what is the matter. Aren’t
you delighted?”
“Paxton, how could you have been
so cruel as not to toll your father
and mother. I could hate you for it
did I not love you so.”
“Why, why, there was no hurry
was there? They seemed to take it
for granted that I had failed. As for
tho mortgage—”
“Oh, how blind you are! It is not
that at all. They have been so dis¬
tressed over your disappointment,
about your future. They have tried
so hard to hide their anxiety. You
have never understood or appreciated
them.”
“Oh well, as for that, I will tell
them now.”
“No, wait until afier family wor¬
ship this evening. And, Paxton, for
once take hoed of their devotions
and then you may know.”
It was with a vague senso of shame
that Paxton went into the sitting
room that evening. Ho had achieved,
anu yet he was at fault, llo couldn’t
understand it. They read, verse by
verse, in alternation, a chapter of tho
bible. They sang an old fashioned
hymn, and Paxton caught himself
reverencing the pure serenity of his
mother’s face as sho quavered these
lines:
“Calm in my poverty or wealth,
Calm in my loss or gain.”
Then they knelt and his father
prayed. Ever since infancy had
Paxton hoard those accents, but
never before had he appreciated their
touching simplicity. Was this the
man of insensibility ? Wero theso
words of apathy ? Ah, listen 1
i i Most especially do we thank Thee,
our heavenly Father, for tho preser¬
vation and return to us of the child
of our old ago, the solace of our
years. Deal tenderly with him, we
beseech Thee, and if our pride be
sinful let Thy merciful dispensation
fall on us, bub spare him, our Benja¬
min, O Lord.”
Tho scales fell from Paxton’s oyes,
and in their stead wero tears. The
prayer ended, but Paxton remained
kneeling.
“Father, forgive me,” ho sobbed.
“I have deceived you. My mission
was successful. Tho mortgage is
paid. My future is assured. But,
above all, I value your love, believe
sauld yojEgr-^.?
indifferent .tIfPisfic ■ ■ yoa. ” ■ p
though? yu ■e be polite,”
“Of course wo tried to
faltered the poor woman.
Bub "the father stretched out his
hands in blessing. “Lot us all jino
in singing the long motre Doxology,”
ho said.
Dodging a Meteor.
The lumber schooner Premier,
which arrived recently from Gray’s
Harbor, had a narrow escape on her
first night out from being crushed by
a falling meteor, The schooner
sailed for San Francisco on the
1st inst., and it was at 2
o’clock on the following morning
that the missile from the heavens
put in an appearance. According to
the story told by those who were on
deck at the time the meteor came
from the west and traveled due east
and downward, describing a semi¬
circle as it swept toward the ocean,
it seemed to grow larger in size as it
approached and was apparently
bearing down directly upon the
Premier. The appearance of the phe¬
nomenon was accompanied by a loud
and gradually increasing noise, not
unlike the whistling of a shell hurled
from a mortar. The crew was badly
frightened and had cause for thanks¬
giving when the ball of fire passed
over the stern of the vessel and
plunged into tho sea less than a
thousand yards distant from them.
An explosion took place, which was
like a great clap of thunder when the
meteor struck the water, and then
all became dark.
Can Soldering.
One of the moot interesting parts
of fruit or moat canning p establisk
. ,, . , j rt ._
' be°used
^ Fverv / can C / L to / for
® s 0 r in order to
k , t alr t , gM purpose , and the device
-d for this inahes the
placed sidewise e“nes^ sloping
are on a
rack, perhaps 40 feet long, At the
lower edge of this there is a little
; j"/‘ n And upon
reachin(T the en( j t hey shoot down
” twisted basket, gain
w&rd tl ou ° h a
infT their u pr jght position, and are
° back their starting
, carried to
jj oint on a traveling belt. They are
{ into the rack, the other end
up “J, a ldina£ew minutes they come
^ l . te] so i de red. Next, a
orkman t rund i e£ them along to the
testing machine, Here they are
pumped full of air, thrust under
water and if any bubbles appear they
are known to be leaky and are sent
! back for resoldering.
Learning from Nature.
The air tight compartment theory
*of building ships was copied from a
provision of n&tuxe shown in the case
‘ 1 nautilus, The shell of this
of tlie
; animal lias forty or fifty compart
into whicn , air or water may
meats, the occupant to
be admitted to allow
| sink p; float, as he pleases-
THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
An Unwelcome Visitor- -A Matter of
Business--What He Does--An
Artist Must Draw.
AN UNWELCOME VISITOR.
The physician—Your fever always
seems to leave you when I como in?
Tho patient (irritable)—(’an you
blame it?
A MATTER OF BUSINESS.
Clerk—I’d like to get off for a
week.
Clerk—Business. Employer—Business or pleasuro?
I’m to bo mar
ried.
WHAT HR DOES.
Mrs. Watts—Don’t you over do
anything Weary at all?
Watkins—Oil, yes, mum.
Sometimes I does time.
AN ARTIST MUST DRAW.
Peacock—Tonsorial artist! How
can a barber bo an artist?
B. Brewster—Isn’t ho ono when he
draws blood?
until they sent in their bills.
Life with him was roal and earnest,
And the grave was not its goal;
Tho united efforts of six doctors
Failed to put him in tho hole.
the resuonsibility.
Father—How is it you never have
any money?
Son—It’s not my fault; it’s all due
to other pooplo.
THE WISE SPIDER.
The spider wove his filmy web
Across an open door
Through which a merchant found his
way
Into and out his storo.
“Don’t weave your wob across the
door,”
A bee was hoard to say,
‘‘Because bofore you’ve got it done
’Twill all bo swept away.”
“I guess I know what I’m about,”
Ropliod the spider wise;
“I know the man who runs this store;
He doesn’t advertise,”
EMPTY PROFESSIONS.
“That shows the insincerity of hu¬
man nature,” said the pessimist.
“What'ii ^matter now?” in
“A |«pizing aid he friend. didn't want
mono*. And he’s
bee, 5 n u." i or i «*EJfche last
six-months. ’
TIME WASTED.
Digler—I courted my wife three
years before I got her, and it was
nearly all wasted time.
Bigler—Why, isn’t Bhe a most ex¬
cellent woman?
Digler—Bhe is, indeed; but I’ve
discovered since that I could have
got her in three months if I had had
the gumption to ask for her.
A FRUITFUL FIELD.
Editor—You ask for a criticism on
your work. Well, the matter is
atrocious, the sentiment mawkish
and the words balderdash.
Wood B. Byron (sorrowfully)—Yon
advise me to forsake the muse, then?
Editor (testily)—No; go writo pop¬
ular songs.
THE HARDEST THINGS IN LIFE.
Gaggs—What’s the matter? You
look glum.
Waggs—Well, that’s, the way I
feel. I’ve just lost a thousand dol¬
lars In a business deal.
Gaggs—Oh, cheer up, old fellow,
and take things as they come.
Wagg 3 —Any fool can take tilings
as they come. What I find it hard to
do is to part with things as they go.
REASON FOR COOLNESS.
r 'xi
-V' *
ox
Is he suing for her love and is she
spurning him ?
Oh, no! He is not suing (or her
love.
Why, then, does despair sit upon
his face and cold disdain upon hers?
He is miserable because sh0 says
she wears 8 B’s.
She is cold because he says be can
fit her only in 5 D’s.
A NATURAL CONCLUSION.
A small Boston girl who was an
unnoticed listener at dinner the other
day suddenly piped up with; “Say,
mamma, is everybody wicked?”
“Why, no,my child.of course not,”
answered mamma. “Why do you ask
such a question as that?”
“Because you haven’t said a nice
thing about to-day I 1 '
anyone
NO. 15.
A ROMS BY ANY OTHER NAME.
John Henry Jackson had to fight
To win Miss flattie Rose,
And when he married her at last,
He gloried over those
Who didn't get her ; and he said,
In language strong, though neat,
A Rose by any other name (thau his)
Would not be near so sweet.
A DIFFICULT COMBINATION.
'I# 1 !! ,4®
»» v'V a
5* f
/v „ cK J ^ V?- ft
S'
i a;
i/
'j
l A
ft hr
5 fm: &
«3®1 ■
W\
Mr. Moanitall—■ I wish I bad the
koy of your heart.
Miss Mercy Naree—It has no key,
It works with a combination,
Mr. Moanitall—Is the combination
a secret?
Miss Mercy Karoo—Oh, no. It is
woalth, position and a title.
IN ADVANCE.
“Huh,” sniffed the boarder, “can you
givo
Me a word to rhyme with hash?”
Tho landlady smilingly answered him,
“Suppose, sir, you try cash ”
THE SERVICE WAS GOOD.
Customer (in restaurant)—I k no «•
that the servlco bore is quicker than
at other places, but tho portions are
only half tho size.
Walter—The same thing, sir. Re
mombor that “lio gives twice who
givoB quickly.”
AN UNREASONABLE TENANT.
Landlord—What’s Hawkins giving
up tho Newark liousoJjAt?
water Clerk—Ho all the timo. says 1 •^ilar is full of
Landlord—Well, what the douce
does he want tliero—champagne?
‘‘There he is, Mr. You„-* r 1
-"v&m m.
- 'i'ivk /Mrs. Jones, a
beautiful child. That’s what I al¬
ways say. I moan—'Fir—I mean—
that is—how old did you say it was?”
HIS THIRD COUSIN.
“He's your first cousin, isn’t he?”
said Mrs. Dimling to 6 year old
Freddy, alluding to a new baby of
whom Freddy replied was very fond.
“Oh, no,” Freddy. “I had
two cousins before he was born.”
A Very Valuable Old Stamp.
£>tamp collectors will bo interested
in the valuable “find” recently made
by C. K. Sturtovanfc, of Oakland,
CaL, a real estate agent. While
rummaging about an unoccupied
building he found four or five good
sized wooden boxes filled with let
ter& documents, etc.
Mr. Sturtevant had gone careful¬
ly through lie picked several bundles letter of bearing popo^e,
when up a a
stamp that every collector dreams of
possessing. It was what is known
qs, the 5 cent Hawaiian missionary
stamp, canceled, but in what the
stamp auctioneers would describe as
magnificent condition, and is cata¬
logued at $500.
Among ^find H. J. Crocker, of Sau
the was
Francisco. The latter gentleman
was particularly anxious had but to recent¬ secure
fchi# specimen, as he
ly bought the 113 cent stamp of the
same issue at an auction sale of the
Chicago Philatelic society for $130,
and the latter was not nearly so fine
a specimen as that possessed by Mr.
Sturtevant. He arranged an inter¬
view, and in less than fifteen minntos
the stamp and the letter to which it
was affixed become the property of
Mr. Crocker, while Mr. Sturtevant
carried off Mr. Crocker’s check for
$350. The Francisco Call that
San says
this transaction beats the Pacific
coast record for the price paid for a
single stamp. The nearest thereto
was $BQ0> paid to W. Sellschopp for
the 8 cent Saxony error by Mr.
Crocker, and $250 paid W. A. H.
Connor, also to Mr. Sellscliop, for s
5 cent Baltimore local stamp.
Limits of Homan Intelligence.
M. Flournoy, of Geneva, recently
devised a novel experiment for test¬
ing the limits of human intelligence.
He arranged a series of common ar¬
ticles of all sizes, and requested hia
class to put them in order of weight.
The weight of all was really exactly
the same, but only one student dis¬
covered this fact. The majority
placed a small leaden weight first,
andi a large wooden basin last. The
ordinary mind, apparently, ranges
the weight of objects in inverse pro¬
portion to their size. Only when the
eyes are shut does a true appreciation
become possible, showing that the
sensations of innervation, by which
we should be enabled to tell when
th©.support of different objects calls
forth the same expenditure of ener¬
gy, do pot properly exist.