Newspaper Page Text
THE MONROE
VOL. XL
Tho rato of taxation has nearly
quadrupled in Franco since 1830.
At tho Georgia United Slates Ex¬
periment Station they havo proved
tlmt tho dehorning of cattle does not
check milk production.
It in proposed to tunnel into the
middle of Mount Blanc, Switzerland,
and excivato n vertical slmft to the
top, to bo provided with an elevator.
Tho cost of tho work is estimated at
81,500,000.
Belgian cotton mado of wood pulp
is said to bo cheaper, stronger and
prettier than tho genuine article, and
seems to the Now Orloans Picayune,
to drivo tho “deposed king” entirely
out of tho world.
Living by rulo is objected to by a
writer in tHo Hospital, who says that
a monotony of diet is by no means to
bo recommended, and that variety,
and even in some cases a little oxcess
should occasionally be indulged in.
California is b ing literally squeezed
for gold just now. Not only are tho
obi diggings in Calaveras and a tore
of other c Mintios worked over for the
precious dimt, but t Ho very shore along
tlio ocean in sight of Snn Francisco is
being searched for it.
Wlmt a misfortune for W. W. Astoi
tHut lie was not born n woman! ex¬
claims tho Now Orloans Picayune. His
money might easily havo got him a
title and out ranee into the swollest of
European society. As it is his dollars
are spent in vain and his aspirations
uru disappointed.
Tho torror im-p red by tho Japanese
armies in tho Orient is greatly en¬
hanced by tho fact that they make no
noise. They march with no bauds,
no drums boat rcveillo or tattoo, and
in action tho Japanoso utter no cheors,
Tho officers have a code of signals by
whistling that serves to direct tho
movements of the troops.
Four thousand miles of railroad
r wore iu contemplation in Cq3'; jflp*® X, w hen
proposoit^lfn JapanlftjJio Is grand The
a c
trank lino from Pekin to Shanghai, a
trunk lino from Pekin to Hankow, a
lino from Pojun to Moukdcn in Man¬
churia and a lino from Pekin to Kang
bu in tho extreme west. Of course all
work haw been abandon oil, and no ono
knows where money will bo raised to
resume operations. Li Hung Chang
has always been a vigorous advocate
of railway construction.
Tho one thing that seems to tho
New York Tribuno well-nigh certain
iu regard to tho future of Eastern
nations is that extensive and revolu¬
tionary changes, such ns havo not been
witnessed for many generations, will
follow tho struggle between Japan and
China. Japan will bo more than ever
determined to assimilate its industrial
and monetary systems to those of
Enropo and America, China will
probably have to choose between ex¬
tinction ns a single and independent
Power and a radical nnd thorough re¬
construction of all its methods. No
ono can foresee the great changes iu
monetary condition which may result
from causes so far-reaching, and
nHooting the operations of so large a
part of the world’s population.
The Railway Ago (Chicago) is au¬
thority for tho assertion that 373 rail¬
way companies are now building or
preparing to build *20,547 miles of
newline. As this amount equals that
built during the past four years tho
news is of some significance. Of the
above amount 3,0 >0 miles are now
being graded or are uud >r contract
■ n relation to her transportation facil¬
ities the West is by no means dead on
her feet at the present time. For the
greater part the new enterprises
hitherto reported had had reference
to lake navigation. One of the lake
projects is for a ferry from an Ohio
port to a Canadian terminal across
Lake Erie, # transporting cars over
what may almost be deemed an ocean
voyage. Another Ohio company has
organized to navigate the Erie canal,
and is having an outfit of boats and
tugs built. This undertaking goes to
illustrate the position taken by the
committee of the New York Produce
Exchange, that that canal, properly
enlarged, is capable still of giving the
cheapest line of through tr uisporta
tion from lake ports to Liverpool. It
is clear that a part of th ? West shares
this id.a. It is to be observed that
the substantial advance in meat pro¬
ducts, coupled with the full pr Ceg
obtained for her rather short corn
crop of last season, are putting the
West in a position of responsibility
for meeting such engagements as she
filters into,
FORSYTH, MONROE COUNTY, OA , TUESDAY MORNING, MAY ‘28, 1895.
}10>.Oil TO THE DEA.D *
MARKING THE SPOTS WHERE
AMERICAN HEROES FELL.
-
Uundrcdtj of VonumcntH and Tablets
I)ot t!:-, fliickunieisjro Battlefields—
The Grumlc-t Military Object Lessor
in the \Vor»d.
An A Interesting Qrjat Work statement in Progress, of the
pro
gross and condition of work on tin
National Military Bark at Chlekaman
an and Chattanooga has been issued.
It is the first announcement of what
♦ he States have done In conjunction
witli the general government. As the
result of careful study by the National
Commission, the fighting lines of ail
divisions and brigades bn each side
have been ascertained with sufficient
accuracy to justify the erection, of
historical tablets for these organiza¬
tions. Division tablets have been com¬
pleted for Chickamauga and Mission¬
ary Ridge. Many of the brigade posi¬
tions havo been definitely determined,
and all of them have been approxl
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ONE OF THU SHELL PYRAMIDS.
finitely ascertained, and brigade tab¬
le'; for the first positions on each side
for both days’ battle at Chickamauga
are now being cast.
The Slate of Ohio has had a commis¬
sion of eight, who served in the bat¬
tles, at work for two years locating the
regiments and batteries from that
State, and their work on the Cliicka
rnauga field is nearly completed. Ohio
had fifty-five organizations in the bat¬
tle of Chickamauga and seventy-one at
Lookout Mountain and Missionary
Ridge. That State has appropriated
$95,000 for fifty-live monuments on the
Chickamauga field and $5,000 for the
expenses of her Commissioners. The
monuments are in position, and fifty
one granite markers 13 inches square
and 3 feet high have been placed to
mark fighting positions other than
designated; Miutfesota by the iifTS'ertSted m> m^ UUU rs:
of five
niomimeuts to the two organizations
from that State which were engaged,
four 1 at Chickamauga and one on Mis¬
sionary Ridge. These cost in the aggre¬
gate $15,000. The State of Massachu
setts has erected a fine monument in
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SECOND MINNESOTA.
the Orchard Knob Reservation com¬
memorating the services of her two
regiments In the Chattanooga cam¬
paign. The Legislature of the State
of New York has passed a bill involv¬
ing the expenditure of $81,000 for mon¬
uments at Wauliatchie, Lookout Moun¬
tain, Missionary Ridge and Ringgold.
The work of erecting monuments to
the regular troops has been completed.
These are nine In number.
Cost of the Monuments.
The monuments now on the field have
ranged iu cost from $1,000 to a little
over $6,000. The monument to the
United Staes Regulars cost $1,500 each
delivered at Lytle Station. The Ohio
monuments for the most part, cost
$1,500 each, delivered and erected on
the field. The monuments costing
$1,000 each, delivered and erected, are
of excellent design and execution. The
material for monuments is, under the
regulations, confined to granite and
bronze. Any organization may in¬
crease the cost of its monument by add¬
ing to the sum allowed by the State.
Eight pyramidal monuments, each 10
feet high, constructed of S-inch shells,
have been erected as markers upon the
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AN OBSERVATION TOWER.
spots a* iiere brigade commanders on
each side were kiiled or mortally
Avouuded.
Each battery engaged is to be marked
ir. its most important fighting position
by guns and carriages of the patterns
used lu the battle. There are thirty-
i
f?
flve of tlle3e R° s,t,tms fur each army on
j the Chickamauga field alone.
The following States have comrnis
I sions at work with the National Cora
| mission In locating positions and clear¬
ing up confused and disputed points
in history: Alabama, Arkansas, Florida,
Georgia. Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Ken
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NINTH OHIO INFANTRY.
lucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Michi¬
gan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri,
New Jersey, New York, North Carolina,
Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina,
Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and Wis¬
consin.
During the past year the following
Slate Commissions, or representatives
of them, have visited the field and made
excellent progress in the work of loca¬
tion: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana,
Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota,
Mississippi, New York, Ohio, Pennsyl¬
vania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vir¬
ginia and Wisconsin.
Restoring the Field.
The new undergrowth of timber and
underbrush has been cut out from
3,300 acres of the Chickamauga field,
so that the work of finding the positions
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FOURTH UNITED STATES CAVO bt.
of the battle hasoeen much simplified
The old roads of the battle field have
been reopened, new roads closed, and
the work of restoring the fields to their
condition at the time of the battle is
'rapidly progressing. Over forty miles
of the main roads of the field have been
rebuilt In a substantial manner, and
this branch of the work is nearly com¬
pleted.
Under tho authority given by Con¬
gress, the National Commission is pre¬
paring historical tablets for army bead
quarters, corps, divisions and brigades,
on both sides, for all the fields. These
tablets will set forth the composition
and commanders of each of these or¬
ganizations, the brigade tablets cai-ry
ing these designations to the command¬
ers of regiments and batteries. The
part taken by each organization
throughout the battles will be concisely
set forth on these tablets. They are
each 4x3 feet, and contain from 200 to
400 words of historical text. The act
of Congress leaves it to the States to
erect monuments to regiments and bat¬
teries; and to the latter organizations,
such as corps, divisions and brigades,
to erect their own monuments must,
under the law, receive the approval of
the Secretary of War before the monu¬
ments can be erected.
The Completed Park.
The park, when completed, will be the
most comprehensive and extended mili-
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EIGH1EENTII UNITED STATES INFANTRY.
tary object lesson in the world. The
central drive, now completed from the
southern limits of the Chickamauga
field to the north end of Missionary
Ridge, is twenty miles in length. All
of it passes through or overlooks heavy
fighting ground. On the Union side
tAvo corps from the Army of the Poto¬
mac, four divisions from the Army of
the Tennessee and the Army of the
Cumberland were engaged, and on the
other the Confederate Army of Tennes¬
see, with re-enforcements from East
Tennessee and Mississippi, and two di¬
visions from the Army of Northern Yir
ginia.
The details of six battles will be set
forth upon the historical tablets to be
erected by the National Commission
within the park and its approaches,
namely: M auhatchie, Browns Ferry.
Orchard Knob, Lookout Mountain, Mis
sionary Ridge and the three days' fight
ing at Chickamauga. The grounds vyill
be a park only in the souse of being
restored to their condition at the time
1 of the battle. No AA'ork AA'ill be done
for purely decorative purposes. The
j 0 i ( j h nt? G f works are to be restored.
i
When a man has an opinion or a
theory that happens to turu out rigli^
how he likes to hover around it.
NECKTIES ARE ALWAYS NEW.
-
Mr. Feathers Learns the Secret of Ms-,
Ginks* Attractive Assortment.
‘L am somewhat curious by nature,”
sa *d Mr. l eathers leceutly, “and some
time a ^° 1 was strUci by’the remark
a ‘^° number Oi iigaa neckties worn by
young Mr. Ginks, who sits opposite
me at our boarding-house table. I
proceeded to study them, and after a
week or two I discovered that they
were not only always smooth and
fresh, but that their appearance was
regulated according to their hues. For
two days he would wear a black and
gray tie, for instance; then a black
flowered red ground affair would creep
out from his bosom, and then two or
three more combinations would be
worn. At last I could restrain myself
no longer and I asked Ginks to ex¬
plain to me his necUtie system. He
looked mysterious and beckoned me
to a secluded corner.
“‘Mr. Feathers,’ luT’sald, earnestly,
‘I feel that I can con.ule In you thor¬
oughly. The scarfs you have so kindly
admired are five in number, and are
all I have. I wear cue until It gets
soiled, and then I drop it in gasoline
outside of my window. After the
liquid has evaporated I take the scarf
in and every sign of dirt lias disap¬
peared. By doing this in rotation with
the five ties I keep up an appearance
that would cost more than I could af
ford If I depended upon new ones.’
“I thanked the young man for his
very interesting information,” said Mr.
Feathers iu conclusion, “and I do not
doubt that many others like him know
the value of gasoline as a cleansing ar¬
ticle, and put it to good use. I hope
they will use it in .the open air, how¬
ever, as it is a very volatile and inflam¬
mable liquid and is liable to explode
if exposed in a room where there is a
gaslight or a fire”—Washington Star.
Lifeboat Propelled by Pumps.
While the propulsion of boats by
jets of water thrown from them to the
rear or to the front may not be econ¬
omical under ordinary conditions, it
lias proved decidedly satisfactory in
lifeboat service, where screw propel¬
lers and paddle wheelsKare alike In¬
admissible. The first boat af this sort
has been in service at Harwich, Eng.,
for three years, and during that time'
she has been out twenty-eight times,
and has saved fifty-or^e lives. Her suc¬
cess has led to the construction of a
second boat on the sarbe general style,
for which the plans wer-e prepared by
the eminent yacht desitarer, fray C. L. Wat¬
son, who is trying a> down lines
.....- ‘ r jai$l £*£fc.
cup to "England. The new ID iiu is
53 feet long, 16 feet in the beam, and
has a depth of 5 y s feet Steam Is
raised in a multitubular boiler and is
piped to a compound engine of 225
indicated horse power, driving two
centrifugal pumps, one on each side
of the boat These pumps draw their
supply of water from an inlet directly
below the center of the boat, and are
arranged so that they can throw pow¬
erful streams ahead, back or to either
side, there being six ports in all, The
boat is called the City of Glasgow, and
has been stationed at Harwich in place
of the foi-mer boat which has been
sent to New Brighton. On some recent
trials it was found that by means of
one of the stern jets alone, without
rudder, the boat could be turned In
the open sea in a little over five min¬
utes, while, with both stern jets in
operation, the boat could be turned
with the rudder in about a minute
and a half. While going ahead at full
speed she can be brought to a dead
stop and started astern In twenty sec¬
onds.
Maine’s Winter Mosquitoes.
Stopping over night at a little Maine
hotel that stands on low ground near a
marshy pond,” said the commercial
traveler, “on a cold night, with three
feet of snow on a level out of doors, I
thought I heard a mosquito’s note. Of
course it didn’t seem possible that mos¬
quitoes should be humming about in
midwinter, but soon I felt an unmistak¬
able bite, and saw several of the wing¬
ed terrors flying between me and the
light
“ ‘Oh, they’remosquitoessureenough,’
said the hostess, in answer to my ques¬
tion. ‘They come from the cellar. We
have ’em all winter long. It’s the lights
at night that bring ’em upstairs. They’re
kind o’ sluggish at this season, and
don’t bite as hard as they do in sum¬
mer, but sometimes they’re pooty vex
in’ to folks not used to summerin’ and
winterin' with 'em. » »»
Sad Plight of a Young Countess.
The young daughter of Count Stozzi,
im ; pilian nobleman, was recently ar¬
rested for stealing jewelry. At the trial
of the young lady a sad story was
brought to light Her father, who was
once very wealthy, lost all his money
in unfortunate land speculations in
Rome. The young countess, In order
to support her parents, took a place as
chambermaid, and recently, under
stress of poverty, stole some of hei
mistress’ jewelry. aa <l being tried and
convicted was mercifully sentenced to
only twelve days’ imprisonment, the
judge admitting as extenuating cir¬
cumstances the sad change in her fam
ily’s fortunes.
Bread and Typhoid Fever.
A serious note of alarm was struck
j as ^ SU nimer by Surgeon Major Rennie,
t j, c English army, who sent a com
miinication to a London medical jour
n^ showing that typhoid fever was
' Meerut, in India, by
spread at half
baked, doughy plumcakes, eaten by the
j soldiers of the English army at that
station, where impure water tvas used
j in making the dough. A month later
Drs. Waldo and Welsh published their
; experiments on the temperature at
which bread is baked and carefully
recorded the bacteria found in British
breads. „ „
mtmn&sMESBq to ^szs \msssm QG 9
FARMHOUSE PLAN.
Suggestions by n New York Farmers’
W ife for a Coxy Home.
I have made plans suited to our own
needs on a farm four miles from Syra
cuse, N. Y., that Is devoted to fruit
and garden crops, with a small dairy,
writes Mary A. G. Buell, in the Ameri¬
can Agriculturist We do not care for
the conventional parlor, and therefore
dispense with it, believing that the
hall, dining-room and living room af¬
ford all the necessary rooms for prac
i. 1 use. The living room may be
use,, for a bed-room if necessary, and
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SUGGESTION’ FOR EXTERIOR.
will be found exceedingly convenient
for either purpose. This house faces
to the west, so that all the living rooms
have south windows, giving plenty of
suu for people and plants in the seven
cold months, while the hall is on the
north side and the generous veranda
at the west, so as to be particularly
desirable for summer use. The exterior
can be made as simple or ornate as
desired. (The suggestion for the ex¬
terior illustrated herewith is by Gard¬
ner, Pyne & Gardner, but the floor
plans are exactly as submitted by Mrs.
Buell.) There is a cellar under the
whole house, extending under the shed
and milk room, the latter space being
occupied by a large cistern, to catch
the roof drainage, which holds soft
water enough for a long drouth. A
pipe should connect this cistern with
the pump that supplies the tank in the
attic. The coal bin is under the vesti¬
bule, and the bin for the kitchen coal
may open off the large bin; but, to
save steps, a small bin of coal can be
kept in the shed. The furnace room
is directly under the front hall, being
tightly boarded or bricked up, to keep
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FIRST FLOOR.
the rest of the cellar cool. A large reg¬
ister directly over the furnace into the
front hall utilizes an Immense amount
of heat that would otherwise go to
waste, and by having a sheet-iron
jacket extending from the top of the
furnace to the floor, and fitting closely
about the hot-air pipes, very little dust
will work through the register into
the house. The vegetable and house¬
hold supplies are stored in the cellar
under the kitchen, so as to be handy
for the housewife. The rest of the
cellar is available for storing fruit,
potatoes, etc., that are to be kept a
long time. It is eight feet in the clear,
well lighted, and perfectly drained, so
as to be dry in the wettest weather.
The house may be so set up that the
rear of the cellar may open level to the
landing of the cellar stairs, thus doing
away with the ugly hatchway under a
snowdrift The one large chimney ac¬
commodates both the furnace flue and
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SECOND FLOOR.
the two large fireplaces. The extra
cost of these fireplaces is very slight,
and, as long as fuel is so cheap, there
is no reason why the great majority of
farmhouses should not enjoy a fire¬
place in the sitting room. It is really
a necessity for ventilation in the close¬
ly built houses required by our long
winters. Entering the front door, we
have a cozy vestibule, witli convenient
closet. Portieres or a door may shut
off this vestibule from the hall iu cold
weather, for the hail is well lighted
from the double windows on the stair
landing. A sliding door opens into the
living room, and a hinged door into
the dining-room. The kitchen may be
reached from both the front and back
of house without going through any
room. The dining-room eau also be
reached from both front and rear with
out going through the kitchen, Tbs
door between It and the pantry swings
both ways, and so does tile door 1)0
tween pantry and kitchen, but an or
dinary door closes the pantry from the
back hall. But few steps are required
to reach the pantry from either kitchen
or dining-room, and the dresser in
the kitchen is handy to the sink. The
kitchen is well lighted, and can bo kept
cool in summer, being on the north
side, while the shed is also available
us a summer kitchen if desired. Tubs
for washing may be set In this shed,
with hot and cold water at but little
extra expense, and a sink is also pro¬
vided in the shed, where the men folks
may wash without cluttering up the
kitchen. The milk room opening off the
shed is also convenient, and keeps the
milk utensils out of the house. The
second-lloor rooms are large and con¬
venient. My family believe that the
bath-room is worth many times its
cost. It is fed from a tank In the attic.
In the absence of aqueduct water, a
ram, force pump or windmill will keep
this tank supplied, and feed the boiler
of.the kitchen range.
SURNAMES IN IRELAND.
-
Murphy the Commonest, but Smith
Holds Its Owu.
One of the curiosities of recent philo¬
logical literature is the appendix to
the 1S93 report of tho British Registrar
General, which bears the suggestive
title, “Surnames in Ireland.” From
that compilation one who has an eye
for the curious may glean facts and
figures for a most Interesting article.
For instance, it is shown that the most
common name on the Emerald Isle is
Murphy, the number of persons, great
and small, who bear that cognomen
being 02,600. The following come next
in order of frequency: Kelly, 55,000;
Sullivan, 43,600; Walsh, 41,700; Smith,
33,700; O’Brien, 33,400; Byrne, 83,300;
Ryan, 32,000; Connor, 31,200; O’Neil,
29,110; and Reilly, 29,000.
The compilers of the article under
consideration have very accommodat¬
ingly made a comparison of the above
with tho commonest names in England
and Wales, which shows the following
interesting figures: Commonest names
in Great Britain, oxclusivo of Scot¬
land and Ireland, Smith, 253,000; next,
Jones, 242,100; next following being
Williams, Taylor, Davies and Brown,
in the order as given. In Scotland
tho order is: Smith, McDonald, Brown,
Thomson, Robertson, Stewart and
Campbell.
The tables show that In Ireland many
of the old Celtio names appear, both
with and without prefixes “O” and
planation, it may be said that, ns a
rule, “Mac” or “Me” means “son of..” 1
and that “O” stands for “descendant
of.”
As far as local distribution is con¬
cerned, the Murphys are most numer¬
ous in Carlow and Wexford; Byrne in
Dublin and Wicklow; Kelly in Kil¬
dare; and Sullivan in Cork and Kerry.
A WOMAN'S WATCH.
Travels All Over Her Person in Search
of the Fashionable liesting Place.
The watch feminine, says the New
York Times, shares the prerogative of
caprice with its wearer; it is, like her,
free from monotony. Last week it
swung from the belt by a chatelaine
clasp, yesterday it was tucked in tho
corsage by a slender fob chain, to-day
it perches on the left shoulder, stea»
ing itself by a matching brooch, or
tucks itself under a filigree circle of
gold or silver; to-morrow, according to
the fashionable jeweler, it will do neith¬
er nor any of these things, but suspend
itself from a short chain, which is
strongly attached at each end to a gold
pin. When these pins are caught to the
bodice of a gown the watch swings be¬
tween, the length of the chain being
sufficient to allow the slight leeway.
It is an idea already developed by
one woman that the for the moment
useless fob chain can be adapted to this
new attachment by a very simple
means. Let the catch that snaps to the
watch be removed, carefully be reserv¬
ed for future use, and a decorative pin
made fast in its place. The tiny ball
at the other end Is mounted on a pin,
and the thing is done.
Quizzing as a Fine Art.
On the occasion of Lord Melville’s
trial before the House of Lords, Hook
had a seat among the spectators. He
could not resist the opportunity of mys¬
tifying his neighbors, a lady and her
daughter from Sussex. When the
Bishops appeared in their state attire
wearing scarlet and lawn sleeves over
their doctors’ robes—he confidentially
observed to the lady:
“These are not gentlemen; they are
ladies, elderly ladies—the dowager
peeresses in their own right.”
When the Speaker of the House of
Commons appeared, and attracted at¬
tention by the rich embroidery of his
robes, the lady inquired:
“Pray, sir, who Is that fine-looking
person opposite?”
“That, madam,” said Hook, “Is Car¬
dinal Wolsey!”
“No, sir,” cried the lady, with a look
of angry disdain, “we knows a little
better than that; Cardinal Wolsey has
been dead many a good year!”
“No such thing, madam, I assure
you,’ replied Hook, with imperturbable
gravity; “it has been, I know, so re¬
ported in the country, but without the
least foundation; in fact, those rascally
newspapers will say anything.”—Tem¬
ple Bar.
Humorous Editor—You have carried
this joke a little too far. Sad Humor¬
ist—Yes, sir; that is why I wish to
leave it with you.—Boston Courier.
She—Indeed, sir, I haven’t reached
the matrimonial bargain-counter yet!
He—You would be a bargain, my dear,
cn any counter.—Harper’s Bazar,
NO. 17.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INQS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokclete that Arc Supposed
to Have llccn Recently Horn—Saying*
and Doiugs that Arc Odd, Curious and
Laughable—The Week’s Humor.
Let Us All Laugh.
Flapjack—Glibly is quite a talker,
Isn't he? Treacle—Yes; but his hat will
get down over his mouth.—Springfield
Union.
Judge—Your age, Miss? Miss Elder
-Thirty-two. Judge (to secretary)—
Put down born in 1832.—Fllegende
Blatter,
Miss Pixby—Do you draw everything
larger than it really ought to he? Artljpt
—Everything but my salary.—Washing¬
ton Post.
“Your brother? I did not know that
you had a brother.” “Oh, yes; or, what
s the same thing, I have two half broth
era.”—Life.
First Beat—Wot yer doin’ fer a livin’
now? Second Beat—' Workin’. F. B.
Wliat? S. B. —Same ol’ racket—Bos¬
ton Courier.
No, it is not proper to speak of tho
“modern woman” as “the woman of tho
age.” Don’t forget this.—Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
The man who sighs for the happy day
When a barefoot boy he ran
Is tho same old boy who used to say:
“I wlsht I \vuz a man.”
—Philadelphia Record.
Hazel—I can’t realize, old man, that
you are a father? Nutte—Can’t you?
Come around and spend the night with
me.—New York World.
“Are you the boss here?” Mr. Meek¬
ly—Do I look like a man that would
allow his wife to get along without a
cook?—Chicago Inter Ocean.
Carleton—Did you see much cham¬
pagne flowing on your trip across tho
ocean? Montauk—No; but I saw a tro
mendous Ice floe.—Brooklyn Eagle,
“Man wants but II tile here below,”
Now, I’m inclined to doubt it;
lie gets but little; wants a pile,
And has to do without it.
—Truth.
Hardup (scribbles)—My dear fellow
couldii’t U lend me a V? Wiggina
(scribbles below)—My boy, you must
think I am a J!—Harper’s Bazar.
“Have you named the baby yet?”
“No; seta of but encyclopedias, my husband has sent frfijfeKS
’*
at /one b Ion
u
r sister succeeding well In her
elocution lessons?” “Beautifully;
whenever she begins to recite people
get tip and leave.”—Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Love laughs at locksmiths, so they say
But not at locks, that’s plain,
For once grim wedlock shuts him in
lie seldom laughs again.
—Life,
Miss Waltzer—Let us have another
round before tho music stops. Young
dancer (generously, but absent-minded¬
ly)—Er—certainly—on me, this time.—
Brooklyn Life.
“Ef women,” said Uncle Eben, “am
ez contrary ez some folks ’clah’s dey is,
de bes’ way ter git ’em out of wantin'
suffrage am ter tell ’em dey gotter vote.”
—Washington Star
Miss Logan Square—I suppose thlstlo
down is the lightest thing in the world.
Miss Diamond Street—Did you ever
hear young Lighthead try to talk? —
Philadelphia Inquirer.
“Cousin Ethel, is Col, Blazer a bravo
soldier?” “Ob, I don’t think lie’s afraid
of powder.” “No, I don’t think he is,
for I saw bis nose against your faco
last night”—Minneapolis Tribune.
“If you want to sell me an overcoat,”
said the customer at the clothing storo
decidedly, “you’ll have to show me tho
heaviest you’ve got. I am going south
for a few weeks.”—Chicago Tribune.
Old Player—When next you try you
want to forget everything but that you
ire on the stage. Amateur Slippupp—
That was just the trouble; I did forget
everything but that.—Boston Courier.
Wiggles— Why did they call it a char¬
ity concert, do you think? Waggles—I
don’t know. Possibly because it is so
often necessary to be charitable toward
the performers.—Somerville Journal.
Laugh, and the world laughs with yout
Yell, and the world yells, too.
But you’ll most always find,
If your rent Is behind,
You will have all the groaning to do.
—Atlanta Journal.
Cbolly Chappey—I see that earrings
are coming into fashion again. Have'
your ears ever been bored? Miss Caus¬
tic—What a question. Haven’t I often
listened to your twaddle?—Syracuse
Post.
“It’s all nonsense, dear, about wed¬
ding cake. I put an enormous piece
under my pillow and dreamed of no
body." “Well?” “And the next niglrt
I ate it and dreamed of everybody.”—
Life.
Old Drywater—My boy, in all creation
you won’t find any animal except man
who makes a habit of smoking. Young
Puffs—Yes, sir; but neither do I know
any other animal that cooks his meals.
—Harper’s Bazar.
Tom—If you had the privilege of kiss¬
ing a pretty girl on the right or left
cheek, which you do? Dick—It would
be hard to make a choice, but between
the two I should probably find a way
Dut of the dilemma.—Boston Transcript.
“Trimmins has a first-rate voice,”
said the critic at the concert, “but he
always comes in behind time.” “Yes,”
replied the man who lends money. “I
guess it’s force of habit. Trimmins’
notes are always overdue.”—Washing
ton Star.