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Loyalty.
Truth Is protean, yet its soul is ono—
Whatever form, whatever name it takes.
It ia the light of life, the fire that wakes
AH that is best beneath the ancient sun;
And loyalty ia truth—the days may run
Their shining ooursos, but a bravo heart
break#
Before It turns from honor or forsakes
A friend, a faith, a duty to be done.
In loealty, I think, our souls fulfil
Their holiest mission, and dtvinely rise
Through large, fraternal tenderness until
Earth seems to hold the glamour of the
#kli*s,
Ami all that man has wrought by steadfast
will
Boeoines a treasure for tho hrnvo and wise.
—(». E. Moxtoi MKiir, In New York Herald.
What Mrs. Pettigru Said.
nr w. j. r.AMiTOjr.
“Have another cup,” insisted Mth.
Pettigru.
“Thunk you, no,” I persisted, for
it was by no means Mrs. Pettigru’s
first invitation.
Tho cup referred to was of ten, a
beverago which I despise except on the
occasion of its namesake, ns a social
function, when by courtesy I intro¬
duce a small portion of it into my sys¬
tem, for purely polite reasons. I was
at ono of these functions when Mrs.
Pettigru was asking mo to indulge,
and I had done so to the extent of a
single cup.
It was quite late, and as Mrs. Petti¬
gru was not tho hostess, and thero
were but few guests remaining, we had
a few minutes to ourselves in the quiet
corner where she hudeozily ensconced
herself.
“Well,” sho said, when I had set
my teacup on tho table in token of
final refusal, “well, what have you
been doing since 1 saw you last?”
It had been fully four days since I
had seen Mrs. Pettigru, and iu that
time a man can do great things.
“Nothing much,” said I.
“And 1 don’t know of any ono who
can do nothing as much as you can,”
sho laughed, but not unkindly, for
women are not generally unkind to
men who have incomes of sufficient
magnitude to ennblo them to do noth¬
ing, no matter how much of it they
may do.
I ( Really,” I yawned; “wlmt would
you have mo do?”
“W hen a man has nothing to do,”
she replied, “ho goucrally gets mar
riod. ”
“Am I to consider that as a sugges
tiou that 1 go and do likewise?,,
“Isn’t it almost time?” sho said,
with tho assuranoo of a woman who
has boon in that condition herself for
an untold number of years.
“Hut marriage isn’t for timo; it’s
for life,” I contended lamely.
“How old arc you?” This with an
air of a physician who had the right
to diagnosticate my easo.
“Thirty-five, let us say, at a ven¬
ture,” I smiled. “How old are you?”
“That’s neither hero nor there,” she
laughed. “I’m married.”
Mrs. Pettigru was 40, aud, I may
add, incidentally, that sho was also
fat and fair.
“If tho years stop when ono mnr
vies, said I, “I think I shall anuounco
my engagement at once and follow it
immediately by tho tying of tho knot.”
Mrs. Pettigru was evidently letting
her miiul run off into somo other
channel, for she passed my brilliant
repartee as if it had boou a dead stick
under her carriage wheels.
“When a man reaches 35,” sho said,
somewhat seriously, I thought, for a
woman at a tea, whero ono takes noth
iug seriously except tho toa, “it is
really time that he began to think
whore he stands ou this important
question.”
“What if ho knows whero ho
stands?” I interrupted inquiringly.
“Then he doesn’t need to think,”
she said with a look that was full of
interrogation points.
“I’m not so sure,” I contended.
“In fact, I am almost sure that then is
tho time when he should do his most
serious thinking.”
“Of course, if ho knows that he
will make a confirmed bachelor of
himself,” sho put iu very quickly.
“You think ho should think of somo
way of getting out of such a dreadful
situation?” I asked, letting tho argu¬
ment go her way.
“That’s it exactly.”
“And of course, there is only one
safe way?”
‘•Certainly.”
“But I’m not ready to die yet,” I
said gravely.
“Die?” she exclaimed. “Who said
anything about dying? Get married!”
“Oh,’ and I was on the point of
adding a few moro flashes of wisdom
to our already dazzling dalliance when
tho lovely Mbs Fitch appeared and
presented a claim for a cup of tea.
“Really,” she twittered as Mrs.
Pettigru was pouring it, “it is too bad
to interrupt 6 „oU a charming teU a
tele, but there was uo possible wav to
avoid it, unless I missed my cup ol
tea, and I am so shiverv Irom'the raw
air outside that I couldu’t thiukofit, ”
hi Aud j we are so glad didn’t,” I
you
hastened to say. “We have been dis
cussing a very important question.”
“The New Woman?” ventured Miss
Fitch, who had a stray “advanced’
idea or two, which she was fond of
an giving airing, now and then, when
the m n she was talking to were not
eligible, or the women were so old-
fashioned and narrow in their viewg ol
woman’s sphere as to be tiresoma
“No; any woman,” laughed Mrs.
Pettigru. “I was urging Mr. Mergi
troyd to marry, and as he doesn’t ap
pear to havo any mind at all on the
subject, I think any woman is better
than no woman.”
Fedora Fitch looked at me as if she
thought I were given to the prevari¬
cating habit, but said nothing which
j would lead a casual auditor to think
she thought so.
“Mr. Mergitroyd,” is what sho did
say, “has some queer notions on the
subject of matrimony, and incidental¬
ly, on women in general.”
“And one woman in particular,” I
added in a tone which struck Mrs.
Pettigru into attention.
“Is there any woman in the world
he thinks of more than ho does of any
other woman?” she asked quickly.
“Of courso not,” I answered for
Miss Fitch. “If there wero he would
marry her.”
“Men aro so conceited,” laughed
Miss Fitch to Mrs. Pettigru.
“People who live iu glass houses
shouldn't throw stones, my dear,’’said
Mrs. Pettigru to Miss Fitch, “As
soon as I have finished my lecture to
Mr. Mergitroyd and got him started
on the right path, I’m going to take
up your case, Lot me see,” and she
began counting on har fiugers, “you
aro 24, and if you weren’t already
quite rich, 1 should begin to make a
match between you two, but I’d pre¬
fer to divide you itp between persons
who are less well-to-do, in order to
distribute the wealth of nations, as it
were. Besides, I don’t quite think you
are suitable to each other. You never
would get along smoothly, becauso
you arc both altogether too sensible.”
“Is it necessary that one of tho con¬
tracting parties in a marriage be a
fool?” I inquired with the natural
cynicism of a man who was still a
bachelor at 35.
Mrs. Pettigru laughed. Miss Fitch
looked rather hard at me.
“I havo never hoard as much in¬
timated,” said Mrs. Pettigru. “It’s
the affinity of contrast that is needed
in theso affairs to make them last,”
sho added.
“Does it mako any difference which
ono is tho fool?” asked Miss Fitch.
“I presumo not, but it always seem¬
ed to me to bo moro natural for a man
to bo a fool over a woman than for a
woman to be a fool over a man, ” re¬
plied Mrs. Pettigru.
I don’t know why it was, but my
face reddened, and when I turned my
eyes toward Miss Fitch and sho smiled
faintly, my embarrassment mado me
uncomfortable.
Mr°.
both Miss^De*
talked to us^W
still, I didn’t wi^T ier to see tlrat I
was embarassed on the wo.man ques¬
tion.
“And yet,” remarked Miss Fitch in
an argumentative tono, “somo men
wouldn’t for the world want to bo
thought they xvere foolish over wo
mon. ”
“That’s because they have inherited
tho feeling that they aro tho lords of
creation, and tho dignity of that lofty
position must be maintained at any
cost,” laughed Mrs. Pettigru.
“I don’t think I was ever a fool over
a woman,” I said weakly, though I
tried to say it with superb confidence.
“My dear boy,” responded Mrs.
Pettigru, much as a mother would
speak to her child, “do take another
cup of tea. Your nerves need strength¬
ening.”
Fedora Fitch laughed outright and
Mrs. Pettigru poured me a cup of tea.
“Thanks, no,” I said, trying to laugh,
“I don’t want it. I believe.” I added,
rising, “that I never made a fool of
myself over a woman, but I did not
say I was not a coward iu the presence
of two. Iam, aud I propose now to
flee away and be at rest. Tho next
time I go to a tea I shall take a life
preserver with me.”
“Suppose you take a life preserver
with you when you leave a tea,” sug¬
gested Miss Fitch, rising also.
“Oh, that was beautifully done,”
exclaimed Mrs. Pettigru. “Now, like
a good boy, let Fedora go with you.
It is almost dark and she needs an es¬
cort home.”
“Will Miss Fitch permit me?” I
asked with a bow.
“Miss Fitch will be charmed,” she
replied returning the bow.
“I’m dreadful sorry two such peo¬
ple, as you two are, never seem to care
for each other except as friends,” said
Mrs. Pettigru as we moved away, and
with a conjoint smile and “good day”
we went to find the hostess and then
started for home.
“Mrs. Pettigru is a dear, good
soul, ” I said when we had gained the
street.
‘' SLc ■>“ <1««« notions about u>,
““ugh?” responded Mies Fitch.
“ Tlle y •» mine to a line," said' I
bol,11 r '
-
* -1 ' 1 " !n ' 1 k “ ow vou “S reed
-
' she saij.
Ionian,
“I certamiy do not with one I
k now ?”
“Who is that?”
“Miss Fedora Fitch.”
“In what particular, pray?”
“I want to marry her and she
doesn’t want me to,” I answered with
a vehemence that would have been
startling to most women, but it was
not 80 to Miss Fitch, for she had heard
the same thing from mo many times,
notwithstanding the opinion Mrs.
Pettigru held of me.
“You simply don’t know a woman at
all,” sho replied. “You think you do,
and you pose as an authority, but you
are so ignorant that really I pity you. ”
The outlook was no more hopeful
than on many previous occasions and
I felt myself going down into the
depths of despond once more, but I
made a heroic effort
“Pity is akin to love,” I ventured.
Miss Fitch laughed..
“You are the only woman in the
world who can teach me what you pity
my ignorance of,” I said, desperately,
“But what would Mrs. Pettigru
say?” 6ho hesitated.
“Well, of all people! You two!”
is what she did say when we appeared
before her next day to communicate
tho glad tidings.—Detroit Free Press,
Most Difficult of Acrobatic Feats.
The mo3t difficult acrobatic feat in
tho world is to throw a triple somer¬
sault. The double is
easy ; but to describe three complete
circles in the air with the body is a
bigger feat than tho most expert acro¬
bat of today cares to undertake. Only
three men have as yet accomplished it,
although dozens have lost their lives
in making the attempt. To perform
a triple somersault one would, of
course, havo to jump from a S2 )r ^ u ff
board high enough to bo able to turn
three times before alighting, and
ably no gymnast has sufficient power
to leap any higher than is necessary
to accomplish a double. Not that the
three men mentioned could accomplish
triple somersaults at will, but they
could do more than a double, The
height is not the only trouble. If it
were, leaping experts, by improved
appliances and practice, would easily
overcomo that difficulty. But after
tho body has turned twice the per¬
former loses control of it and the law
of gravitation overcomes bodily dex¬
terity. His head being heavier than
Lis feet, he is apt to alight on it first
and break his neck. One of the three
acrobats who have already accom¬
plished the great feat refused to try
it again, being assured that his alight¬
ing on his feet was an accident, as he
could not control his body after turn¬
ing the second time. Another under¬
took the feat for a wager of $100. In
the first attempt he turned three
times, but alighted on his hands.
Everybody was satisfied with the re¬
sult and the money was tendereOKrfC
He proudly refused i
feat had ""
on h.
head, dislocating his neck.
Mandalays “Incomparable Pagoda.”
The pagoda is our main quest, and
wo pass out from the monastery into
tho glare, and crossing the vacant
space before this teruplo como under
the spell of its silent beauty. Whence
came these new yet wonderful effects
of symmotery and beauty?—this new
school, yet old, of architectonics, this
new schemo of adornment? We see
here, finally realized, tho charm of
uniformity, of right equalling left, of
repititiou on equal or variant scale.
Scan this pagoda, tho Incomparable,
as it glows before you iu its noonday
light; go around about it; tell the
towers thereof. Man cannot deny its
power and its completeness. Yet see
from what simple motives it has built
itself up. Those strong round arches
of the lower story subordinate their
own ornament to the beautiful detail
of the parapet above them; and from
this upper platform reached by a no¬
ble sweep of steps, grow tier on tier
of lessening stories, until the whole is
completed. The effect is produced,
moreover, by the simplest of mate¬
rials. No costly marbles are here;
stonework only, and brickwork, rude
and honest, and coated with stucco
and dazzling whitewash ; in detailed
scrutiny, rough and unrefined; in re¬
sult—incomparable. — Outing.
A Flycatcher’s Courting.
“A piir of least flycatchers were
flitting about a gully, spanned by a
foot-bridge, ou my left. The male
acted precisely as if he were intoxi¬
cated. He would start from some
twig near the ground, or from the
ground itself, in a spiral flight upward,
snapping his bill loudly, chattering in
the most extravagant fashion, and
every few seconds losing his balance
and turning a complete somersault.
^ ^ ea reached the treetops he
would come down again in much the
same st vIe ’ the 6 ° mer sa»Its only being
-
rather more frequent and reckless.
O-ice more on his pereli he would sit
<l aie *'- T wi,h r,lffied P lum0 « e “ d flash '
<*«• 11,1,11 he too!! 11 »‘® his
*® renew hls W mn * stIC Performances,
0r U!lU1 SOme P “ Ssi ° g inSeCt ,empted
him *° m “ ke * B “ lly tor “
purpose. Doubtless this was his
method of expressing r ° sentiments to
which his more gifted associate*
among the birds gave utterance in
song.”—Outing.
Henry Herrick, who was the oldest
graduate of Yale, died the other day
at North Woodstock, Conn. He was
ninetv-two years of age and graduated
in th ; c laes'oi 1822.
HUMAN FORECASTS.
Statistics ar9 Invoked to Predict
Our Destinies,
Six Chances in a Thousand You'll
be Drowned.
Men and women, regarded as just
so much flesh bones and blood, are
far more the creatures of chance than
they think. By magic of modern sta¬
tistics it is possible to calculate with
tolerable accuracy, just what chances
a person who is due to appear in this
world, has of being born a boy or a
girl, a healihy child or a cripplo, a
Norwegian or a Hottentot, sane or a
lunatic.
In the same way persons of morbid
curiosity may calculate what chances
they stand of living long, of dying
peacefully, or of being murdered; of
dying by accident, drowning or suffo¬
cation ; whether the chances are in fa¬
vor of their going to jail,or to church,
to foreign countries or to sea.
To begin at the very beginning, the
reader may like to know that before
he was born he stood exactly eleven
chances in 1,000 of being born a twin,
which means that in every 1,000 per¬
sons eleven aro twins. This estimate
is from statistics compiled in Eng¬
land. In Ireland seventeen births in
1,030 are of twins, and in Spain eight
in 1,000.
Once he is born it is 5 to 100 that
he will live to be more than GO years
of age. The statistics of the United
States a few years ago show that of
100 men only 5 live to bo more than
GO years of age. A man has 31 chances
in 100 of living to see 20, and 29 in
100 of living to be 10.
It is 39 chances to 1,008 that he will
be killed by accident. Of every 1,000
deaths in the United Statos 39 aro ac¬
cidental.
The statistics dealing with the aver¬
age ages of the people of different
countries show that the French are
the oldest and the Americans the
youngest. /
Five hundred and fifty persons in a
million die of apoplexy, and in the
United States 81 out of 980,000 deaths
are due to murder.
Out of 1,000 births in every coun¬
try of Europe average is in favor
of the males. In England it is 511
males and 489 females.
The chances of beifig^JjOTu oiind are
fortunati jgpQall. In the United
W 100,000 babies are
^ Spain 216 out of the
f children are born
Htacos in 1,000 that a
bofore ho dies,
Using born an
American Indian aro less than one in
700,000.
Whether a man is born in one church
or another seems also reducible to fig¬
ures. It is 29 to 100 that he will be
a Methodist and only 12 to 100 that he
will be born a Presbyterian, A man
has 20 chances in 100 of being a Bap¬
tist and little more than 12 in 100 of
being a Roman Catholic.
It is nearly 6 to 1,000 that a man in
the United States will die by drown¬
ing. In New York, according to the
statistics of a few years back, 12 deaths
in 1,000 werodueto drink.—New York
Sun.
Queer Color-Blindness.
A peculiar case of color-blindness
exists in Norwich. Dr. Homer E.
Smith reports that one of his patients,
a small boy, has the faculty of trans¬
posing colors. To him red appears
to be green and green is red. Blue
looks like yellow and yellow like blue.
White is brown to him and brown is
white.
This youngster has the further ac¬
complishment of being able to sign
his name with his eyes shut as when
they are open. He also suffers from
micropsia, whereby everything ap¬
pears smaller than it really is. Ex¬
perts say this perversion of the color
sense comes from optic neuritis, a
brain disease which sometimes plays
havoc with its victims ideas of tho ex¬
ternal world. Colors appear all
jumbled up, as it were, though some¬
times it does not allow the sufferer the
right of beholding even a mixture of
colors, but tones everything down to
one color.
This phase is called ekromotopsia.
Under its influence everything appears
red, yellow or green. Another remark¬
able feat of this class of diseases is to
pervert a person’s sight so that a book
can only be read when upside down.—
New York World.
Needed a Rest.
Collector—This is the twentieth
time .’ve with this bill.
Gilded Youth—Yes, and there are
forty more, just like yon, coming in
day after day, to worry me about their
miserable little bills. No wonder I’m
fagged out Guess I’ll take a ran over
to Europe to recuperate.—New York
Weekly.
An Accurate Diagnosis.
“Did the doctor seem to understand
Hick’s case?”
“Yes, perfectly; he collected his
money after each visit. ’—Chicago In¬
ter Ocean.
Students in Boston University will
have to give up tobacco or leave the
UisUiUtiMb
Utilizing Southern l ine Needles.
It was not until recently that the
needles of the Southern pine were put
to a practical purpose, except that
rather degraded ono of furnishing
bedding for cattle and litter in barn
. vards aQ d hogpens, for which they
are not well adapted because of their
non-absorbent character. They shed
water like a quill. They have 601UC
times been used for paving purposes
also, and strewn upon muddy side¬
walks or swamp roads, and it is a com
mon thing in the Souih to scatter
pine branches along a roadway that is
heavy with sand; but when they dry
they are brittle and break easily, nud
being light, blow away. But of lato
the pine needles have been given a
much higher destiny and are becom¬
ing almost indispensable in a dozen
different directions.
They are carefully sorted and placed
in a large iron cylinder through which
live steam is passed. As they cook
they exude an odorous, balsamic oil,
which is caught in a receiver and fur¬
nishes a basis for numerous liuiments,
dressings for wounds, cosmetics, soaps
and toilet preparations, antiseptics and
several varieties of patent medicines.
It is also used alone as a remedy for
catarrh, asthma, bronchitis, laryngitis
and other throat troubles, being in¬
haled in tho form of vapor or applied
in the form of spray. It is considered
one of the most valuable discoveries
in materia medica in recent years.
The tough, silken fibre that remains
in the cylinder is combined and carded
into a lint, which is an exceedingly
cool and soothing dressing for wounds
and is put up in rolls for surgical and
hospital use. It is itself an antiseptic,
and has strong curative power.
The same fibre in coarser form is
sold to upholsterers and mattress
makers, who say that it has an elastic¬
ity not found in hemp and other ma¬
terials, and carries a wholesome, per¬
manent fragrance that is particularly
agreeable and healthful in a bed, and
and is particularly recommended for
hospitals and sick-rooms. The fibre
is also spun into twine, yarns and
ropes, and woven into mats, bagging
and oil-cloth materials. —Chicago
Record.
Animals That Live in Caves.
The introduction underground of
the ancestors of these fauna may have
taken piece and may be taking place
in two waya Jfthrough perfect jsdrffcT''
(tarried by streams into ‘ wide
uais
mouth pits, whence they cannot es¬
cape to the light, or through eggs or
larvae borne into narrow fissures by
simple infiltration of water. It is a
matter of question whether or not
creatures hatched from these germs,
which have never lived .on the surface,
and their- descendants, would be
affected by more rapid changes than
those which have come underground
by accident, but have not been born
there. The principal changes under¬
gone are usually albinism, or more or
less complethloss of color, and atrophy
of the eyes. Tho organs of vision be¬
come, of course, useless in the under¬
ground darkness. It is found, on tho
other hand, that cave-inhabiting ani¬
mals have the other senses developed
to excess; they guide themselves by
means of long cirri or long antennae,
which are very sensitive; they are put
on their guard by means of their hear¬
ing, which informs them of distant
perils; and by their smell, telling them
of invisible game, helps them to their
food. Albinism is accounted for as
the result of failure to absorb the
light-rays. It is generally agreed
that cave-dwelling animals have lost
through adaptation to the medium the
visual organ their ancestors enjoyed.—
Popular Science Monthly.
When Nations Permit Marrying
In Hungary a man may marry at
the age of 18, the girl at 16; in Spain,
Portugal and Greece the respective
ages are only 14 for the man(?)and 12
for the prospective bride. In France
he must be 18, and she 15. In Russia
the laws vary between 18 and 20 for
the men and 15 and 16 for the women.
In Switzerland the various cantons
have different laws, and the minimum
ages for marrying are 19 and 20 years
for the men and from 13 to 17 for
girls. In Austria and Germany men
seldom marry if under 21 although
the law alows it at 18. Girls may wed
at 16 in these countries. In Egypt boys
of 13 are often married, and brides of
10 and 12 are not scarce by any means.
But India carries off the palm. Here
marraiges are closed in infancy, and a
girl of 2 is sometimes married to a
groom of 4 or 5 years.—Chicago
Times Herald.
Simple Japs.
The Mitsui, the largest private bank
in Japan, has been in existence with¬
out a break for more than 300 years.
Like the Rothschilds, a whole family
is engaged in the business of which
the capital belongs to all in common.
The most competent member of the
family is chosen president. In America
such things could not happen. Brother
Bill would marry a Jones,and Brother
Bob would marry a Brown. The Jones
family and the Brown family would be
of common origin,and,iu the struggle
for social supremacy, would step on
each others necks; then the brothers
would fight, and nephews would play
poker, and sons rob the bank. Family
affairs do not go here.—New Orleaus
Picayune.
I A CITY
j !
The Unique Record of a Kansas
Municipality.
Evading a Debt by a System of
Law-abiding Anarchy.
Probably nowhere elso can be found
the unique conditions that have for
nearly two decades obtained in the
city of Humboldt, a thriving Kansas
town, of 1,800 inhabitants. During
all that time it lias been growing and
thriving: public improvements have
been made and law and order been
observed without the place having a
legal existence or a legal officer. The
city s government has boon solely by
common consent and the situation has
been acceptable to all. Every spring,
has a red-hot municipal election taken
place. One man has received theelec
tiou to tko office of mayor, another to
police judge and others to councilman,
but none since 187G has taken the offi¬
cial oath or “qualified.”
The reason is this; in 1870 the
town, then just started bonded itself
for $275,003 for a new railroad. In
187G it added $25,000 for
which never got further than tho
building of a few miles of roadbed.
To pay these bonds without the im¬
petus of railroads meant bankruptcy
and when tho purchaser came on to
collect interest ho found that thero
was no one on whom to servo legal
papers, the old administration had re¬
signed and the new refused to qualify,
For sixteen years tho bondholders havo
endeavored to collect the interest but
tho courts have always held that thero
was no method by which it could bo
done. One judge recently decided
otherwise but an appeal has been
taken to the Nation’s highest tribu¬
nal.
The extent to which co-ojmration
can bo carried is evidenced by this
city’s management. When money is
needed the mayor, or rather the man
called by that complimentary titlo,
makes an assessment and the
people it voluntarily. r Tho street
pay
commissioners make repairs and every
citizen pays his share. The marshal
keeps the small bays in efisok but he
has no realjidWer to make an .arrest.
The cijy clerk’s orders and licenses
aro fiat but they pass at par, The
place is a good trading point, is well
governed and its street aro kept clean
and presentable. With the exception
of the railroad bonds every debt is
paid and the man called city treasurer
has a comfortable balance in his
hands.
The present mayor is M. T. Eckert,
editor, of the city’s paper and who has
published a paper for twenty-nine
years in the county. He says tho
people are willing to compromise the
bond deal in order to get out of their
difficulty, but that cannot be done. In
two years more the debt will bo out¬
lawed and then, if the Supreme Court
does not prevent, the town will hold
up its head again and have an inau¬
gural ball when its first officers in
twenty years in take office. Mean¬
while tho city enjoys tho oddity of
their peculiar position politically.—
Detroit Free Press.
The Turkey Stopped the Train,
Swarms of locusts are well known to
have stopped railway trains, but up to
this time it was probably never heard
that a single turkey had power to ac¬
complish that feat. How it was done
in Oxford, Penn., is described in
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The engine was puffing hard and
an up grade, and passed under an
overhanging limb of a large tree
front of a farmhouse. On the limb
were several turkeys at roost. The ex¬
haust steam was so strong that it
knocked a hen turkey from her perch,
and she came down upon the bell rope.
The bell rang and the engineer
brought the train to a halt. Then, of
course, the conductor hastened for¬
ward to know what was the matter,
and one of the train hands discovered
tho bird still tilting upon the rope
and giving utterance to notes which.it
is fair to presume, were expressive of
surprise.
The men set up a roar, the bird
took wing,and the engine again began
to puff.
Great and Equitable Scheme.
“I am going into business,” said
the yonng man with the flat hair as he
sat down on a blue brocade chair.
“Oh, Percy, no!” cried all the girls
in the room, with accents of horror.
“Yes,” said Percy firmly, “I am.
Can’t let the chance slip. I have the
finest idea, and I’m afraid if I’m not
quick some other fellow’ll get ahead
of me.”
“Do tell us,” begged the blond girl
as she and her chums formed an ador¬
ing circle.
< < Well,” said Percy, “I’m going to
start a restaurant, and instead of hav¬
ing people pay their bills by prices
per order, I’m going to have scales at
the door. Man is weighed when he
comes in ; weight registered. Weighed
again when he goes out, and is charged
per pound gain. Isn’t that great?”
“Oh, Percy!” they all gasped ad¬
miringly. “You’re a regular genius!”
—Chicago News.
The clothing of the women of the
Sultan of Turkey costs $7,500,000 a
year, go it ia said.
Indications.
The vernal robin’s primal note
Has not as yet been heard,
The robin, after all, Is a
Discreet and foxy bird.
Ho doosn’t risk pneumonia
By coming back to sing
Beforo Its time; and yet without
His tuno wo know it’s spring.
Thero is a softness in the air
And also in the mud.
That bids man blithely to rejoice
And purify his blood.
The buds are starting on the trees,
A haze lies on the hills,
’Tis timo to pick out garden soods,
And take some liver pills.
The noonday sun is getting high,
Your coal is getting low;
Your outside windows aro a bore,
The dust begins to blow.
The grass is starting hero and there,
Life shows in everything,
And baseball betting has begun—
Iloil to thoe, gentle spring!
—Somerville Journal.
HUMOROUS.
Repairs—Second marriages.
A suit for damages—Bluo overalls.
A sido show attraction—A pretty
pofile.
Truth was stranger than fiction to
Ananias.
Monumental liars—A good many
gravestones.
In what month do women talk least?
In February.
Many a man is expected to bo the
architect of his son-in-law’s fortune.
Elderly Lodger—How did you sleep
last night, professor? Prof. Larkins
—Lying down, madam.
Mrs. Watts—Don’t you ever do
anything at all? Weary Watkins—
Oh, yos, mum. Sometimes I does
timo.
Blobbs—Why do you call one of
your relatives aunt and tho other
awnt? Slobbe—Well, tho othor lias
money.
Tho football problem is in a fair
way to solve itself. Tho colleges that
can’t win tho pennant aro discarding
the game.
Johnny Slow—A hen can’t never bo
a rooster. Andy Smart—Yes sho can
—when she gots into tho chicken
houso at night.
Her lips said “No,”
But her eyes said “yos
By which did I go?
Ah! can’t you guoss?
No sweet cares
Did I omit;
For her eyes said “Yos,”
And “tho ayes had it.
“Just as I was proposing to her a
mouso ran under her chair.” “And
did she scream?” “Sho did, after sho
had said ‘yos.
Peter—I tell you, to havo a bank
hccojtnt like mine r is just linked
sweetness! Paul—How’s that? Peter
—Long drawn out!
Customer—I want a now hat but of
tho very latest style. S desman—
Please be seated a fow minutes madam
—the style is just going to change !
Daily—They say tho art of chasing
silver is a very difficult one. Borrow
it—I know it is. I’ve been trying all
the day to find a man who would lend
mo half a dollar.
Mamma—Sally, if you had a little
spunk you’d stand better in your class.
Do you know what syiunk is? Sally
(moodly)—I suppose it’s tho past
particle of “spank.”
“Isn’t it sad,” askod tho young girl
romantically, “to think of the roses of
yester year?” “It is” said tho young
man emphatically. “I have an un¬
paid florist's bill of $21.
The other day I found a purse,
And with a satire flno,
Its empty pockets greeted me.
Alas! that purse was mine.
Proud Father—That is a sunset my
daughter painted. She studied paint¬
ing abroad, you know. Friend—Ah!
that explains it. I never saw a sun¬
set like that in this country.
First Lady—If I’d a face like yours
I’d bloomin’ well boil it. Second do
—Yes and if I’d a face like yours I
wouldn’t go out with it on Sundays
for fear of breakin’ th Sabbath!
Tom—Tho management seem to
havo spared no expense in the pro
puction of this play. Kitty—No, in¬
deed; they have given each chorus
girl at least three coats of paint.
Mr. Shortly (four feet eight inches
to Beauti) —Yes, I am proud to say I
am a Belf-mado man. Miss Beauti’s
Little Brother—Why didn’t you make
more of you while you was at it?
“Tappetts seems to bo getting moro
absent minded every day since he has
been married.” “That isn’t absent
mindedness. It is the habit every
married man gets into by learning not
to listen while his wife is talking.”
A Modest Vagrant.
“Excuse a poor man out of work. I
want a few more coppers to pay for my
night’s lodging.”
“How much-more do you want?”
“Twopence halfpenny.”
“Here’s the money. Now don’t you
beg any more. ”
“Much obliged, but, you see, sir, I
must go round to the other gentlemen,
else they’ll imagine I’ve grown proud,
and I wouldn’t have that said of me
on an account. ”—Fliegende Blatter.
The Bank of England has $150,000,
000 of private deposits intrusted to its
care, as well as $26,000,000 of publig
money.