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Bennett herald.
■ „ rn IVERT IVKDNESDAI, B 1
KeS a YARBROUGH.
K .. M . rEEPLES, Editor.
livEi «F WSCBHTIOX.^
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|Ky notices.
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m** Urn*’- *f«**
■"f u i on the first Tuesday in the
t 0 be held hours of ten in the
m- botW t three in the afternoon, at
Bit-lie in the county in which
BrS titte must be given in
■Hie" gLrtte 40 days previous to the
■oiice to debtors and creditors of an
nlU ct also be published 40 days.
■ to for the sale of personal proper
■S be given in like manner, 10 days
■See 1 ’ will be made
(' our t of Ordinary for leave to
Bind must be published for four weeks.
■ aiion? on letters of administration,
■ : Lhin itc., must be published 30
H' for dismission from administration.
■;.' v , months; for dismission
■ imardiaiiship, 40 days.
fur the foreclosure of mortgages
■ pn!.:shrd monthly, four mouths ;
■tahlishing lost papers, lor the full
■ „r three months ; for compelling
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hmd has been given by the de- ;
■l.ihe full space of three months.
•, S;l les must tie published lor
v ijolices. two weeks.
Kbmie will always be cmdmned
■ to thes". the legal requirements,
.itlvrwise ordered.
_.. -|i r~-~—** 'H.T®
iIONAL CARDS.
W.M. R. SIMMONS.
x- SIMMONS.
; EVS AT LAW,
u, (. PORGH
vinnett and tlx- adjoining
mar 15-1 y
IUTCHINS,
v’EY AT LAW,
K, G A.
counties of the Western
[ilton and Forsyth of the
mar 15—ly
1. PEEPLES,
EY AT LAW,
E, GA.
e counties of Gwinnett,
id Milton.
is promptly attended to
GLENN,
EY AT LAW,
«, GA.
attend to all business
care, and also to Land,
ion claims mar 15-Gm
G. A. MITCHELL,
CEVJLLE, GA.,
?nder a continuation of
services to the citizens
1 constantly on hand a
of drugs and chemicals,
tarefully prepared.
and surgeon,
SEVILLE, GA.
ROBERT sT”
at Law,
TTA, GEORGIA,
all business entrusted to
acHidge circuit; also
uit Ha, l and Gwmuett of
? Col. H. TI. Walker in
arrant* and Claim cases
juU-Cm
N E HOUSE,
near the Car Shed,
GA.
H, . _ Proprietor.
50 Cents.
) Kr/KvfAgentß wanted.
classes of working
,:^'; oun 4 or old, make
k lor us in their spare
' u ‘ time, than at anv
*or'a7i ,r v •• A,!,lress ( '-
0r and. Maine, [gep-l-ly
Weekly Gwinnett Herald.
T. M. PEEPLES, PROPRIETOR.]
Vol. JI.
[published 11Y request.]
ONE CROP ONLY.
There came a man in days of old
To hire a piece of land lor gold,
And urged his suit with accents meek;
One crop alone is all 1 seek.
That harvest o’er my claim I yield,
And to its lord resign the field.
The owner some misgivings felt,
And coldly with the stranger dealt;
But found his last objection fail,
And hurried eloquence prevail,
Bo took the prollered price in hand
And tor one crop leased out the land.
The wily tenant sneer'd with pride,
And sowed the spot with acorns wide;
At first like tiny shoots tiny grew—
Then broad and wide their branches strew,
But long before these oaks sublime,
Aspiring, reached their forest prime.
The cheated landlord, mouldering, lay
Forsaken, witli his kindred clay.
Oh ye whose years, unfolding fair,
Are fresh with youth and free from care.
Should vice or indolence desire
The garden of your soul to hire;
No parly hold reject the suit,
Nor let one seed the soil pollute.
My child, their first approach, beware;
With firmness break insidious snare,
Lest as the acorns grew and throw .
Into a sun excluding grove.
Thy sins a dark o’orshadowing tree,
Shut out the light of heaven from thee.
The Fair Trial.
The second trial of the notorious
Mrs Laura I). Fair for the murder of
A. 1\ Crittemlon ended on the last
flay of last month in a verdict of
acquittal. The theory of temporary
insanity put forward with all art by
hei counsel, and confirmed by a show
of expert medical testimony, was
accepted In the jury, which had been
selected from a panel of upwards of
seven hundred persons, by the well
known process of sifting out those
possessed of intelligence. Perhaps
the only novelty in the now familiar
plea by which this extraordinary ac
quittal was brought about was the
attempt to connect Mrs. Fair’s in
pu.titv witli a trouble peculiar to bar
sex—the same which Mine Goezmnn
offered as an excuse for ievoking part
of her testimony in her suit with
Beaumarchais, and of the conveni
ence of which, in all suits to which
women are parties, there can he no
doubt. To this wav ascribe some of
the interest manifested hv the ladies
in the court-room, who, when the
verdict had been announced, and
“two thin, white, chalk like wrists
were clasped around Mr. Curtis’s
neck, and a wreath of golden hair
lay streaming on his breast and the
little black figure lay in the arms of
the strong man as senseless as a
corpse,” rushed up and tendered their
assistance. The public, nevertheless,
particularly the California public,
persists in being shocked at the re
sult, and talks for the hundredth time
of the necessity of amending or abol
ishing trial by jury altogether. The
rules which now govern it are cer
tainly not adapted to the condition
of society in which we live, and, if
the institution is worth saving, the
sooner they are overhauled the better.
It may not be long he ore we shall
come to the conclusion reached by
some of the Italians, in view of the
impossibility in the Romagna and
other parts of Southern Italy, of
obtaining conviction by jury for
crimes of violence, that the jurv
tiial should be restricted to the class
of offences known as political. A
few more cases like Maefarland’s and
Mrs. Fair’s will help give a practical
shape to the presrnt discontent with
“the palladium of British liberty.”
A flatter and more monstrous perver
sion of justice than this instance the
country has never seen, and the
twelve men who allowed themselves
to set free this murdering prostitute—
anti indeed she is far worse than a
professional prostitute —ought to feel
the effects of public opinion — New
York Nation.
Good Fortune of a Georgia Boy.
David Ro«-, a Macon by, who went to
New Y ork soon after the war, has
invented a match which promises to
supersede all others in use, and lie
has already refused $30,000 for his
invention. — Chronicle and Sentinel.
• <m>i
To be tree from desire, is money ;
to be free from the rage of perpet
ually buying something new, is a
certain revenue; to l>e content
with what we possess, constitutes
the greatest and must certain of
riches.
An Albany gentleman stumbled
over a piece of ice on the sidewalk,
knocked several teeth out and ran
an umbrella down his throat. As
it was drawn out lielore openiug ho
will recover.
It was a faithful saying of Tho
reau, “Be not sonply good; be
good for something.”
-L&wrenceville, Ga., Wednesday November 6, 1872.
From the Atlanta Constitution.
The Great Western Canal.
Pursuant to adjournment, a num
her of citizens convened in the read
ing-room of the Kimball House at
10 A. M.
Col. 13. W. Frobel read portions of
the report of the United States Sur
veyor, Maj. McCalls, also the conclu
sion of the report of Maj. McFarland,
United States Surveyor, to which lie
added instructive remarks.
Resolutions offered by Gen. A. C.
Garlington, expressive of confidence
it) the success of the canal enter
prise, and of congratulation to Gov.
Smith in view of the proposed con
vention of Governors of the States
directly interested interested in it,
and assuring them of a welcome to
our city, was seconded by 001. S. B.
Spencer.
Remarks were mode by Gen W.
S. Walker, calling attention to Port
Royal, S. 0., as a terminus of the
canal.
William Goodnow, Esq , spoke of
the efforts frequently made by the
Northern States, especially lowa and
Wisconsin, to have better water com
rnunication with the East, and
thought this project would meet their
views anti receive their support,
Major McCall a being call on, then
gave his views as follows, substantial
ly, viv ;
When first connected with the
enterprise as surveyor he thought it
visionary, but those - views changed
with belter acquaintance with the
enterprise and route, until now lie
regards it of vast benefit and its sea
sibility established ; highly approved
the proposed convention of Govern
.ors.
The motion being put, was unani
inously adopted.
It was, on motion of FL I’. Cham
berlin,
Resolved, Thai we go as a body to.
Gov. J. M. Smith’s office and repre
sent to him the resolutions, and con
fer with him on the subjects em
braced in the same.
The Convention then repaired in
a body to the office of the Governor,
where they were received with as
suranees of his hearty suppoit. He
expressed Ins entire confidence in the
final success of the enterprise, and
would call a convention at an eailv
day of the Governors of the States
most directly interested in the move
ment. •
The Convention then adjourned,
after the appointment of the follow
ing committee to confer with Gov.
Smith as to the best time for the
proposed convention, viz :
B. W. Frobel, A. J. Mcßride, G.
W. Adair, T. M. Clarke, Maj. Camp
bell Wallace, chairman.
The committee reported the fol
lowing resolutions;
Resolved, That the construction
of the Atlantic and Great Western
Canal is a matter of deep interest,
not only to the city of Atlanta and
the State of Georgia, but to the
whole country, and especially to that
portion of it which lies along the
Mississippi river and its tributaries
Resolved, That the best inteiests
of this City and State point to the
strengthening of commercial ties
with every portion of the Union.
That we should neglect no legitimate
means of extending our present trade
relations with other sections, and
that this can best be done by open
ing a direct water outlet through our
Stato from tho Mississippi to the
Atlantic ocean.
Resolved, That we heartily ap
prove of the proposition of his
Excellency James M. Smith to call a
convention of the Governors of those
States of the South and West more
directly interested in the proposed
work, and we pledge ourselves to
co operate with him hilly in a move
ment which promises so much mu
tual benefit.
Resolved, That we look upon this
work as one of national importance,
and one that merits and should re
ceive the aid of the Federal Govern
ment.
Resolved, That the proposed con
vention promises the inauguration of
a new era ot peace and prosperity to
our State; and that Atlanta hails
with pleasure its meeting here, anil
offer to its members a hearty wel
come.
Resolved, That we tender to hi*
Excellency Gov. Smith our sincere
congratulations upon this important
movement, feeling assured that it is
made in tho light direction and will
result in great good to our Slate and
people.
Resolved, That the Governor be
requested to call the proposed con
vention on the 19th day of November
next. „
Campbei.i, Wallace, Chir’n.
1 E. P. Cu.vmberi.ix, Sce’y.
“COMING EVENTS CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE!"
Ti.o Pretty Widow-! low John
It reckon ridge’# Election in
Kentucky Fixed njia Match.
It was customary in former days 1
for all the ladies of the best families I
to attend the prominent barbecues, \
ami this was especially the case in
the contest between Mi. Breckenridge
and Gen. Coombs, in 1849. Out of
these affairs grew the audieiific story
ot the nicest widow in the blue gt »ss
region. Not far from tlie forks of
Eikhorn lived the pretty little widow
Fauntleroy, and one of her nearest
neighbors was General Peyton. The
General had looked upon the little
widow very much as he had looked
upon his blooded borse Powhatan,
“the finest horse in the blue-grass
region.”'
The pretty Mirs. Fauntleroy had
been a widow more than a year;
while the General, having a great
regard for etiquette, had waited pa
tiently for that time to elapse, in
order to declare himself. But the
widow, with her woman’s art, kept
her love at bay, and kept him in her
train.
He had escorted her to this barbe
cue, and when returning had ex
pressed his satisfaction at the pros
of General Coombs and the success
of the Whig party.
The widow look sides with the
Democracy, and offered to wager her
blooded saddle horse, Gipsy, or any
thing else on her place, against l’ow
hattan, or anything else she might
find on tiio General’s place.
The General’s gallantry would
not allow him to refuse the wager,
which he promptly accepted. Bv
this time they had readied the north
fork of the Eikhorn, and were about
to ford it (bridges were not plenty in
those days), and John Peyton, the
General's onlv son ami heir, came up
at a sharp gait behind them.
The widow turned and bowed to
■John, am! rode into the stream, but
a little behind her companion. The
ea u t bunk was very st-eep, and re
quired the horses to put forth all
their si l ength to reach the top w ith
their loads.
As luck would have it, good or ill,
the widow’s girth broke when jii't at
the commencement of the steep part
The lady, still seated on her saddle,
slid swiftly back into the water,
while her horse shot up the hank like
an arrow.
John Peylon leaped from his horse
and in an instant caught the limiting
lady and saddle, and before the Gen
eral had recovered from his astonish
ment was at the top of the hank with
his burden. The little .widow was
equal to the occasion, for she begged
the General to ride on and stop her
horse, which had now begun to under
stand his part in the mishap, and
was beginning to increase his (fait
toward home.
The General did as he was bid,
and soon returned with the hoiso. In
the meantime, John Peyton had se
cured liis own horse, and when the
General came hack with the widow’s
horse she and John were laughing
merrily ■ ver the redienhun accident,
but what further passed between them
is onlv known to themselves.
John Peyton repaired the broken
girth, fastened the saddle again on
the horse, placed the lady in her
seat, bade her good evening, mounted
his horse, and taking another road
down the Eikhorn.rode rapidly home,
leaving the General to escort the
widow.
It is not necessary to relate how
lie entertained liis fair companion
with his ponderous anecdotes of Mr.
Clay and other public men ; but when
he reached the Fauntleroy Place
he accepted the lady's invitation to
dismount and take tea with her.
After having exchanged her wet
clothing, the pretty widow enter
tained her guests with her brightest
smiles and some new songs. The
General was delighted, and expressed
his delight as Kentucky gentlemen of
that day would do. “You are the
finest songstress, madam, in the blue
grass region.”
When he bade her good night, and
shook hands with her on the porch,
the wicked little widow gave his hand
a little squeeze, only a little, but it
thrilled like an electric shock through
his great, pondrous frame, while she
laughingly reminded him of his
wager. That night in his (Hearns,
the little widow Fauntleroy was
repeated so often, and in so many
bewildering forms,that he resolved to
propose to her at their first meeting,
nor did he dream that lie could be
refused.
The next morning a letter from h.s
tobacco factor called General Peyton
to Louisville, and before bis return
the political contest in tho Ashland
district was over ; and, wonderful to
relate, John C. Breckenridge, the
voting Democrat, was elected to
Congress.
General lVvton vva- both aston
ished and indignant “Mr Clay’s
district, sir, die finest district in the
blue grass region, has disgrace I itself,
sir,” was almost his first remark to
his tjeiguboi Colonel B aul’ort.
To his son, John, be communicat
ed ms intention of bringing Mrs.
F.mitileroy to adorn the head of Bis
table.
“Sir. she is the finest lady in the
blue grass region, and I hope, sir, you
will always lespect your future
mother.”
John, with a quiet smile, assured
him that he was pleased with his
choice. This pleased the General
highly, for he had been a little afraid
John would object to a step-iuother
younger than himself.
The next morning {he general or
dered Powhattan brought out, and
led over to Mrs. Fauntleroy’s. Call
ing John, he requested hi in to call
upon Mrs. Fauntleroy.-
“The Whig party has disgraced
itself in Mr. Clay’s district, sir, and 1
am compelled to part with the finest
blooded horse in the State to pay a
wager with that lady, sir.”
The black boy had led Powhattan
to the hitching rail in front of Mrs.
Fauntleroy *8 yard, and having tied
him, had gone in the quarters to tell
his colored brothers and sisters of
their mistress’ good luck in having
won the famous horse Powhattan.
When General Peyton and John
arrived they found the pretty widow
and two voting lady friends in the
yard admiring Powhattan.
“Madam,’ said the General, to
Mrs. Fauntleroy, “I have come, like
a true Kentucky gentlemen, to pay
tho wager 1 have lost. Powhattan,
madam, is rightfully yours.”
“But, General, I believer tho wager
was conditional. It was the horse
or anything else on the place, was it
not.”
“Madam, you are correct, ln;t 1
cannot permit you to select an ift
lerior animal.”
‘You have another and superior
animal here,’ replied the widow,
blushing ; “your son, John, if ho
wo dd but use Ins tongue ; 1 think I
.'ball choose him ”
The general lose, and his blandest
maimer hade the ladies good morning.
I’o John he said :
“Sir, von will remain.”
General Peyton never forgave his
daughter-in-law her practical juke.
In after years lie used to say :
“Sir, she is the finest ladv in the
blue grass region, but she lacks taste,
ri O' '
sir.”
Uncle Josh and the Deacon.
Deacon 1) was very much interest
ed in a revival that was taking place
in the neighborhood, and, as a conse
qtience, was continually urging his
neighbors to “come over to the
Lord’s side,” as he expressed it. He
had frequently importuned an old
neighbor of his—who was not par
ticularly noted for his profession of
religion, hut was nevertheless highly
respected by all who knew liirn—to
attend one of their evening meetings.
Now the piety and honesty of the
deacon was a matter of doubt among
his fellow townsmen, and particulaily
so with the old man above mentioned,
who, for convenience sake, wo may
call Uncle Josh
After repeated calls, Uncle Josh
consented t<> accompany the deacon
to one of the meetings, and accord
ing! v accompanied him to the “school
bouse” one evening, much to the
surprise of all present. In the course
of the evening the deacon arose with
a penitential countenance to tell his
experience. He was the prince of
sinners, lie said. If he got Ins des
erts he would he banished forever
from divine favor. After making:
himself out to he all that is vile ac- j
cording to his interpretation of “he j
that humbleth himself shall be ex- j
ailed” he sat down with the sublime (
sense of having done his duty, and
asked uncle Josh if he wouldn t tell
his experience. With some reluc
tance he meekly arose amid the
breathless attention of the assembly.
It was an unknown occurience for
Uncle Josh to speak in meeting. He
said he had listened with great inter- j
est to the remarks of the deacon, and
he could assure the brethren that,
from his long acquaintance with him,
he could fully endorse all the deacon
had said concerning his meanness |
and vileness, for lie was c ertainly the
meanest man he ever knew The
wrath of the deacon was terrific.
He 3x>ok his fist under Uncle Josh’s
nose, and exclaimed. “You are a con
founded liar, and I’ll whip you as
soon as I get out of church !
Twelve young ladies were baptised |
on Sunday last m J’orsjlh.
[s2 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE.
Free Blow in an Omnibus.
In Nevada, there u*ed to he cui
rcnt, the story of art adventure of two
of her nabobs, which may or may
not have occurred. 1 give it for
what is worth :
Col. Jim had seen somew hat of the
world, and knew more or less of its
ways ; but Col. Jarrh was from the
back settlements of tint State,- and
had led a life of ardnrous toil, ami
had never seen a city. two.
Messed with srfdd*n wealth, projected
a visit to New York, —Col. Jack to
see the sights, and Col. Jim to guard
his nnsophistication from misfortune.
They readied San Francisco in the
tvight, and sailed in tha morning.
ArfiteU in New Yolk, Col. .Jack said:
“I'vo beard tell of carriages, all
my life, and now 1 mean to have a
ride on one; I don’t care what it
costs, Como along.”
They stepped out upon the side
walk, and Col. .Jim called a stylish
barouche. Hut, Col. Jack said :
“No sir I None of your. Cheap-
John turnon is for mo. Tin here to
have a good time, and money ain’t
any object. I mean to have the no
Idest rig that’s going Now here
comes the very trick. Stop that
yaller one with the pictures on it—
don’t you fret—l’ll stand all the ex
penses myself/’
So Col. Jim stopped an empty
omnibus, and they got in. Said Col.
Jack :
“Ain’t it gay, though 1 Oh, no, I
reckon not 1 Cushions and windows
and pictures, till you can’t rest.
What would the boys say if they
could soe us cutting a swell like this
in New York ? By George, I wish
they could see us.”
Then he put his head out of the
window and shouted to the driver :
“Say, Johnny, this suits roe I—suits
yows truly, you bet, you t I want
this shebang all day. I’m on it, old
man ! Let ’em out! Make ’em go!
We will make it all right with you,
fTOiiny f”
The driver passed his had through
the strap hole and tapped for his
fare —it Was bes >fw the gongs canto
into common use. Col. Jack took
the hand and shook it cordially. lie
said '
“You fvVtrg me,. old ward 1 All
right between get t». Smell of that,
and see how you like it ?”
And lie put a twenty dollar gold
piece in the driver’s hand. After a
moment the driver said he could not
make change.
“Bother the change ! Hide it out.
I’ut it. in your pocket. ”
Then to Col Jim, with it sounding
slap on Ids thigh :
“Ain’t it style though ? Hanged
if I don’t lore this thing every day
for a week.”
The omnibus stopped and a young
!h<lv got in. Col. .lack stared for
a moment, then nudged Col. Jim
with- his elbow :
“Don’t say a word,” lie whispered.
Let her ride if she wants to. Gra
cious, there’s room enough.”
The young lady got out her porte
i monnaie, and handed her fare to Col.
Jack.
“What’s this for f” said lie.
“Give it to ti e driver, please.”
“Take back your money, madam.
We can’t allow it. You’re welcome
to ride here as long as you please,
hut this shebang's chartered, and we
can’t let you pay a cent.”
“The girl shrunk into a corner,
bewildered. An old lady with a
basket climbed in, and proffered her
fare.
“Excuse me,” said Col. Jack,
“You’re perfectly welcome here, mad
am, don’t he the least hit uneasy.
Make yourself just as free t»s if it
was in your ow n turn out.”
Within two minutes, three gentle
men, two fat women, and a couple of
children entered,
• Come right along, friends,” said
Col Jack *, “don’t mind us. This is
a free blow-out.” Then ho whis
pered to Col. Jim : “New Nork ain’t
no sociable place, I don’t reckon—it
ain’t no name for it!”
lie resisted every effort to pass
fares to the driver, and made every
body cordially welcome. The situa
tion dawned upon the people, and
they pocketed their money, and de
livered themselves up to covert en
joyment of the episode. Half a
dozen more passengers entered.
“Oh, there’s plenty of room,” said
Col. Jack, “walk right in and make
yourself at home. A blow-out ain’t
worth anything as a blow out, unless
a body has company Then in a
whisper to Col. Jim, “nut ain’t these i
New Yorkers friendly ! And ain’t I
they cool al»out it, too ? Icebergs j
ain't anywhere. 1 reckon they’d j
tackle a hearse if it was going their
way.”
More passenger* got in ; more yet,
and still more. Loth seats were
KAJRS OF ADVERTISING.
sr-scs 7» mo’s. C, mo>. n mo's.
inquire «■ 4 on « t> tut £1 o
2 sq’m f. no lo Oil 1.5 O o
:t sqr’a 800 |,j oO op l)f f
M col. t” I*o ini oo rto ori
% col. so oo ctf. oo j no off
one col. 40 00 75 Oo J lot* 00
The money tor advertisementslsTYluc
on tne first insertion.
A wpiarc is the space of one inch in
depth of the column, irrespective of the
manlier of lines.
Marriages and deaths, not exceeding
six lines published free. For a nmn ad
vertising ld« wife, and all other personal
matter, double rntes will lie ehanred.
No. 34.
filled, and a file of men w< re stands
’ n g 11 1‘. holding on to the cleats over
head. Parties with baskets anil bun
dles were climbing up on the roof/
| Hail suppressed laughter rippled up
from all sides
“Well, for elean, e-01, out and-out)
elioek, il this don’t bang anvtliing I
ever raw’, Pm an Injun” whispered
Col. Jack.
A Chlfiamrn crowded his wav in.
“I weaken !” said Col. Jack “Hold
on driver ! Keep your seats, ladies
and gents, .first make yourselves
free—everything’s paid for. Driver,,
rustle these folks around as long as
they’ro a mind to go—friends of ours,
you know. ’Jake them evervwheres
—ami if you want more money, come
to the St. Nicholas, ami we’ll make
it all right. Pleasant journey to yon,
ladie* ftficT gents- go it just as long
as you please—if shan't cost you at
cent.” —Murk Ticain.
Stop my Pater. —Every publisher
of a newspaper has heard this tre
mendous oTdef from offended sub
scribers, imagined by the offended to
be as dangerous ns a stroke of light
ning, but in reality more harmless!
than a mostpirto bite. A good story
is told bv the Philadelphia Post of
Mr. Swaim, the former proprietor of
the Daily Ledger. My bis course oif
some public question, on which elsf
ferent pefsofts had different opinions,
Mr. Swaim had offended a number of
bis readers, one of whom met him
off, Ch-estfifi't street, and thus accosted
him
“Mr. Swaim, I’ve stopped (her
Ledger.”
“What is that, sir f
“I’ve stopped the Ledger,” was the
stern reply.
“Ts it possible !” said Mr. Swaiin.
“My dear sir, what, do you mean?
Come with me to the office.”
And taking the man with him, her
entered the office at Third and Chest
nut street. There they found the’
clerks bnsy at their desks; then they
ascended to tlio editorial ahd con*-'
posing rooms, where everything
going on as usuai ; finally they de
scended to the press rooms, where
the engines were at work.
“I ihoffght you told me you had
stopped the Ledger,”sail! Mr. Swaim.-
“>o J have,” said the offended
subscriber.
“I don’t s>eo she atoppnge. The
Ledger seems to be going on.”
“Oh ! I mean to say—that is, that
I—«lr had stopped taking it.”
“Is that .'“.Ilf” exclaimed Mr. Swaim.
“Why, my dear sir, you don’t know
bow you alarmed me.”
I (sully Mixed.
“What's the matter, Bob?”
“Sam, who am 1 ?”
“Why, you ate yourself, Dob liar-'
rison, ain't vow ?”
‘ No, far from it.”
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“Welt, sir, I’m so mixed up I
don’t know who l am."
“Don’t take it so hard to heart.”
“I ain’t; I’m taking in my hand
kerchief
,‘Well, sir, what’s the matter T 1
“Why, I am married."
“Married? ha! ha! ha! why, sir,
you should l>e hippy.”
“Yes, but I ain’t."
“Why, all loomed men are sup
posed to he happy.”
“Yes, but how many are so?”
“Well, sir, as f said before, don't
take it so hard—tell ns nil about it.”
“Well, Sam, i’ll tell you how it is.
You see, I married a widder, and
this widder had a daughter.”
“Olives! I s*e how it is. You
have been making love to this
daughter.”
‘No ! worsG»*’.inn that. You see,
my father was a widower, and he
married this daughter, so that makes
mv father my son-in law, don’t it ?
Well, don’t you see how l am mixed
up?”
“Well, sir, is that all P
“No, I only wish it was. Don’t
von see, mr stepdaughter is mv step- 1
mother, ain’t she ? Well, then, her
mother’s mother i« my grandmother,
ain’t she? Well, I am married to
her, ain't I ? So that makes me my
own grandfather, doesn’t it?”
“Ah, Mr. Simpkins, we have not
chairs enough for our company,” said
a gay wile to her frugal husband.—
* Plenty of chair*, dear, but too much
company,” replied Simpkins, with a
knowing wink.
It was rightly said, “He who in*
struct* a man, instructs a person who
will die to morrow, bnt he who
teaches a woman, teaches a whole
generation.”
-m •
Half the Borrows of women would
be averted if they coaid repress
the speech they know to be useless
nay the spe* eh they had resolved
not to utter.