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HERALD.
I i-VSRV WEDNESDAY, BY
br^YABBUOCGa
r LE P M. PEEPLES, Editor.
| " oF iuBSCBIPTION.
■ R.Vfko 92 00
I C/SSSnth-” 1 "--* 1 :"
■ U? cash —payable
■; ....ription r-* 1 "
■* Mcn *~ nrovisions
■*n*7 pr five subscribers, and
I-yas ,tot t
» S “ b? frne post-office 1 to another,
Hhe name of the post-office
W Iffcttevwishit changed, as well
11 ‘ Lhirii they wish
Wl L aDVKRTISKMKNTS.
§9 5Q
*»
t S
B n> io w ll la,, ‘ m *‘ r< .‘ 5 00
B 1 450
■plirabo" for " um 3 go
y • • * * * *
85.4.1* of iaml. by administrators,
nr gawdiaas, are required by
1° M on the first Tuesday m the
■ ,() hours of ten m the
*«* in thu afu ' rnoo, .’-: a 1 t
BSUousein the county id winch
fciK tlStles’must be given in
■ublu to the
debtors and creditors of an
B,e must also be published 40 days.
K'" for | lie sale of personal proper-
Bust be given in like manner, 10 days
to sale day.
Bo,ire that application will be made
Bthe Court of Ordinary for leave to
B and must be published for four weeks.
Bdat* "" L ' ,,erS °l adm.n|S»rat.on
Brdianship, *e., must be published 30
B-i f„r dismission from administration,
iHrtiiiy. three months; for dismission
Bn irimrdianship, 40 days.
for the foreclosure of mortgages
|I published monthly, four months ;
■establishing lost papers, for the full
■ce of three months ; for compelling
B> from executors or administrators,
Bre bond has been given by the dc-
B'd 'lie full space of three months.
BhO's sales must he published for
weeks.
notices, two weeks.
B-'i'ica’inns will always be continued
B"..ntr to these, the legal requirements,
K.. itherwise ordered.
;CARD3.
■ j. WINN- WM. K. SIMMONS.
Bn NX & SIMMONS.
1 ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
G EOIIOI A.
••• in (,wi.'inoit and the adjoining
nmrlo-ly
Bn. 1, HUTCH 1 NS,
M ATTORNEY AT LAW,
G A .
H^^Rrae! in- iii the counties of the Western
in Milieu and Forsyth r.l itic
Ridge. marl 5-1 y
B’LKK M. IM iUUUUS,
H ATTORNEY AT LAW,
CA.
in the I’Hiuilies of Gwinnett,
|B' ■E-kse, and Milton.
|^|"' * claims promptly attended to
B' N . GJ, IE XN ,
■ attorney at law,
|Brencevili.k ga.
promptly attend to all business
,J il in his care, and also to Hind,
' Sl|| i Pension claims mar 15-Gni
■ S T - K -& G.A. MITCHELL,
■ UWREN’CEYILLE, GA.,
■ '•>' fl > ! ly tender a continuation of
■ ' lr ' ,i,v|j,||i »l services to the citizens
|B Rlr P constantly on hand a
; r t merit ot drugs and chemicals.
! “.r.|i,i. , ; i> ear,fully prepared.
■ '■ Sll -W- 1 A.ii.Al.l
AND SURGEON,
■ L AW-RHNt'EYILLE, GA.
■ 15 E R T S ,
■ Am.ttNKv AT Law,
|B'' •'•' l o 1,1 1 " I '‘ im ' ss entrusted to
■ circuit; ,|*
|Bn.„„ l ' l ' 1 luuJ Gwinnett of
■ill.U n T 11 • 11. Walker in
|B' ■ • " . ‘'tTants and Claim eases
' ■ Government. jul4-6m
■ AIR -LINE HOUSE,
■ ° rStreet - I,e! *t' the Car Shed,
■ AT UNTA, GA.
■ Proprietor.
; * >r 50 Cents.
■ i'j 1” Hav! Agents wanted.
V ' e j,| ; classes of working
ftmiev at „., M | X '/" U "~ t,r "Id. make
■*'*. i*r all ,r . "■ us in ’ lu ‘ir Spare
■ p. lrli luj time, than at anv-
Bwiq culurs tree. Address G.
■ n r'lund. Maine. (sep4ly
BO m^ fr <-nf.« etg rvn A
B Jn "neoi i-> ; Gall and ?.\-
B ' '.-u >a 'ninessent (postage
■ TIM A hatbun Square,X.Y
Weekly Gwinnett Herald.
»
T. M. PEEPLES, PROPRIETOR ]
Vol. 11.
NOBODY KNOWS.
How the world wags, from the dawn to
close,
W ho are our friends, and who are our foes,
* \ Nobody knows,
llow many wake, and how many sleep;
How many laugh, and how many weep;
How many sow, and how many reap,
Nobody kuow„. .
How many pray, and how many sin;
How many Use, and how many win,
Nobody knows.
How many watch, and how many wait;
How many tarry, and how many mate;
How many early, and how many late,
Nobody kuows.
How many give, and how many take;
How many brew, and how many bake,
Nobody knows.
How many smile, and how many sigh;
How many sing, and how many cry;
How many are low, and how many high,
Nobody knows.
How many bless, and how many curse;
How many better, ar.d how many worse,
Nobody knows.
How the world wags, from the eve to the
dawn;
How many love, and how many scorn;
How many die, and how many are born,
Nobody knows.
— »
O’Conor gave the temperance can
didate a close run.
When is a woman as cold as ice?
When she is a scold.
It is very probable that the doctor
gives more fits than the tailor.
With women as with warriors
there is no robbery—all is conquest.
Why is an inlant like a diamond ?
Because ii is a dear little thing
What fruit does a newly married
couple most resemble ? A green
pear.
Why is a circuit rider like an aris
tocrat ? Because they both move in
good circles
In the lung run, a tried and
proved character for truth, honor,
and honesty is the best capital,
and gives the largest interest.
When we < ome to God tor counsel,
we must he willing to put our whole
case in His hands; to take tlie up-hill
step* instead of the smooth one,should
He point to it.
Theological students who desire to
receive the aid of the Episcopal So
ciety for the Increase of the Ministry
will have in the fut'tne to go without
tobacco and alcoholic drinks.
Walter, a five year old, was sur
prised at breakfast by the presence of
a diminutive egg, served for his spe
cial delectation. /‘Mamma, ’’'kaid he,
“I think the chicken was learning to
lay.’’
On der dwo'cenC beicee you see
dese tings : “Iti Got -tfe- vas trust,”
" y *
“Oonited Stbates of-' America” 1
vas sorry"to see dbem cendiments vas
on obbosite sLlhs (pdfrfer odder.
* / *
It is reportWMiss Alexander,
a California actress wW-was for ten
yeais a member of lgham Young’s
family, will be the to tel! on the
lecture platform what she knows
about Mormonisirtf^^
“Father/£hal<tf*ffß the printer live
on f” “Why, child.!” “because you
said you ffedn’t/'jmd him for two
years still take the paper.”
“Wife, fut/that child to bed; he’s an
everlasting talker. ’
An to the sud
den deatb«of'a j*lalive, was asked if
he lived high.*'«7‘Well, I can’t say be
did’” said Terrence, “but he died
high.” banks in these
days, h? was suspended.
A NevaiJaMnan is hunting for
4,000 £beSp /hat were stolen from
him last spmi£. If » shepherd feels
so much joy at the recovery of one
lost sheep, )ihat must this one do
when his eve again rests upon those
4,000 stragglers from the fold ?
The Rev. Robert Col Iyer made a
teuder allusion to “gin mills,’ the
other day, saying lie wished that all
whisky shops were down in hell,
chained up in the bottomless pit for
a thousand rears, and a new chain
ready tor them at the expiration of
; that time.”
L&wrenceyille, Ga., Wednesday, December 11, 1872.
The Ogeechee Harbecue.
It eame to pass that the tribes of
Gain and Shin and So-Forth, gat
them together for counsel. Then
spake one Snowball, saying, “Lo!
Ulysses our great Uncle ascendeth
the throne over the people, and our
tribes tarry, but do not rejoice and
make obeisance before him!”
lhen spoke Julius, surnamed Han
nibal, and said : “Y r ea !—verily—
bem ! Even so it is.”
Likewise also spoke Pompey, sur
named Gumbone, and said : “Too
line! The people do tarry, and the
great uncle bath not been honored.”
And Gee-bo-lium, the seer and
great swallower of speerits, said : “It
is well. Now, therefore, let every
captain go to his tent and proclaim
to his mighty men of valor that
straightway they prepare a feast—
nay, we will have it a barbecue—and
other fixings and other things goodly
and pleasant for the inner man, and
we will make ready and rejoice, eat)
drink and be merry, and glorify our
great uncle.”
“All-hum !” spake Snowball; “ah
hum ! methinks the wise men have
spoken naught concerning fire water,
which cheereth the soul of man, and
tickleth his guzzle and thrilletli his
anatomy —yea ! thrilletli it him even
unto his very toe bones !”
“Nay,” spoke Pompey, the sweet
stinger of slams; “nay, hut we will
have no fire water, for it is an evil
speerit, and though it tickleth the
guzz’e and toe bones, yet it consum
eth til ■ life and seteth one mad.”
Now Gee-bo-hnm, the son of Shoo*
Fly, opened his teeth and spake,
saying, “Nay, we will not have the
fire water come into the camp. It
bitetli like a possom and stingeth
like a flea.”
Now these sayings sore displeased
Snowball, and his wrath was kindled.
So lie roared with aimer. “The fire
water shall come forsoth.” And they
were all greatly wrath, and declared
the fire water should not prevail.
Now, Snowball was hefty on inns
c.le, and his fame was mighty, so he
said : “Lo ! have I not sworn with a
big oath that we must have whisky
Let none sav no, for my wrath is
risen and mayhap I may do ye
harm.”
But they all grinned and mocked
him to scorn, and they spake and
said, “Go to !”
But he would not “go to,” but
seized them one by one, and punch*
ed them, and put heals on them, and
wo Hoped them, so that the like of it
was not seen in all Ogeechee, even
unto Nod and Reer-sheeber. Yea,
lambasted he them ! And they roar
ed for pain slid cried out: “Let up,
or we perish in cold blood !”
Then let them up—Yea, let he
them all. And they skedaddled
thence.
And it came to pass that accord
ing to the messenger’s word from the
FooFoosofthe tribes of Shin and
Ham, the people gathered together
on the banks of the stream, and
ha-id againtt the woods of Ogeechee,
on the day 21 of the month Novem
ber, and there was a great multitude
of them, the like of which had not
been before, and the Foo-Foos came,
and Snowball, the Seer, came he, and
he brought some fire water, which
was against the will of the people,
and they laid hands upon him, for he
was drunk and be made great ado.
But they took him and lathered him
with hickory switches; yea, they
spanked him shingles and sockdola
gered him with fists—yea, lampoost
ed they him. And he roared with
pain and was sore afraid, and he got
up and got—-yea, got he hiinselt
away.
“Behold, now proclaim the whoop
jah !” said the Foo Foos. And the
people ran to and fro and built fires,
and some slew sheep, and some slew
an ox, and the same were roasted on
spits whole—yea, spit they them
over the fires. And the tables weie
spread, and hoe cake and meats laid
“COMING EVENTS CAST TIIEIR SHADOWS BEFORE!”
out,and the meats and the coffee made
a sweet smelling savor. And there
was no fire water. So the people
sat and ate. And they laughed and
“yah-yah-ed” for joy.
And they sang songs of victory
and made themselves much merry,
Y"ea, made theju themselves merry !
And the wise man. and the valiant
men of war, and the captains of the
host, and the Wauhoos rose up and
spouted speeches, and they waxed
warm, and made to themselves yards
of eloquence, and great was the wis
dom, and might and power of their
sayings; and the sound of their
voices went up as the sound of thun
der, for the air was agog with echos,
and they spake, and they sang, and
they roared, and -they shouted, and
they screamed, and they shrieked for
joy. And their cry was, “Great is
Grant! Lo ! there is none greater.
For he hath money and few words,
and few brains, but we are his equals')
yea, equals are we, and wards of the
nation!” And night came, and
there was a great glare and light
from many fires; and there were
many scenes and sights, and sounds
that pen cannot tell. But the scribe
made haste and got him away, and
here is his tale all told.— Savannah
News.
New York’s Champion
Laugher.
William Bennett, better known as
“Laughing Bill,” visited Wall street)
New Yotk, recently A reporter tor
the Sun says : Ilis appearance in the
Gold Room was the signal for a gene
ral suspension of business and a uni
versal laugh. Mr. O'Brien took of
him, and after a formal introduction
requested Laughing Bill to favor
them with an exhibition of his won
,derful powers of laughing. But
there was no laugh there. The bro
kers laughed at Bill, but he wouldn’t
laugh at them Af'er leaving the
Gold Room Bill visited the Stock
Room, where he was met by a com
mittee headed l>y the handsome Mr.
Mitchell, the champion laugher of
Wall street. The room was crowd
ed, and as soon as it was known that
Laughing Bill was among them, a
throng of brokers gathered about
him and clamored loudly fora laugh.
And Bill did laugh. The chandeliers
vibrated like pendulums; the gold
and stock indicators refused to per
form their functions; and many
grosses of buttons from coats, vests
and pantaloons strewed the floor
when the champion laugher had
done.
In the evening, in company with
some friends, Laughing Bill visited
the theatre cotnique. He occupied
the upper right hand proscennium
box and quietly sutveyed the im
mense audience. The entertainment
was of a pleasing nature and con
sisted of diversions of all kinds.—
There was the serio-comic drama,
the performing mules, the girl who
never saw a man, clog-dances, and
Arrah-na Pogue, all for fifty cents.
And there wat Laughing Bill, too,
thrown into the bargain. Ihe per
formance commenced with the new
local drama, “Empire City.” The
third scene represents a pic-nic party
in Jones Woods, with the inimitable
John Wood as a colored waiter.—
When Hart reached the stage he
unconsciously looked towards Laugh
ing Bill. The champion laugher
then began. First be ha ha’d, then
followed with a litter, a giggl e > a
shout and a peal of laughter that
lasted about ten minutps. The audi
ence became infected and began to
smile, simper, smirk and grin, in
quick * succession, and at last they
broke out in such a peal of laughter
as was never heard before in a place
of amusement. But above the din
could be heard Laughing Bill’s loud
laugh. It was the same infectious,
unceasing laugh that made everybody
risible and ludicrous. At length
Bill stopped, and the manager order
ed the play to go on; but the whole
scene bad been entirely lost.
As soon as quiet was restored, Mr.
Josh Hart sent a polite message to
Laughing Bill, requesting him to
stop laughing. The polite messen
ger was accompanied by two boun
cers and three police men. Bil
laughed at them, and they retired
discomfited. Prof. J. J. Showels
and liis wonderful performing don
keys, Pete and Barney, next occupied
Laughing Bill’s attention. He liuigi.-
ed so hard at the mules that they
became stubborn, and refused to per
form. At this the audience again
burst into a peal of laughter, but
whether at the mules or Laughing
Bil! was hard to tell. At any rate it
made no difference to Bill, for he
laughed just as heartily about ten
minutes, the audience laughing and
cheering him by turns. At length a
gentlemanly appearing youth witli a !
red nose, a boquet in his button hole,
and hair parted in the centre, en
tered Bill’s box, and told him he
must either stop laughing or “git
emit,"
“All right,” said Mr. Bennett, “I’ll
stop laughing when the funny part
begins.” At this the ieel nosed youth
began to laugh, then tiio other ush
ers and the three policemen took it
up. and finally the whole audience
was laughing. Bill was putting in
his best licks, liis whole body was
laughing, and liis mouth looked like
a jj;ash in a beefsteak.
A third time Mr. Josh Hart sent
him word to stop laughing. A big
policeman, brandishing a fierce look
ing club, bore tlie message. Bill
stopped as suddenly as lie began, at
which the audience hissed. Then
Mr. William West the audience
into a good humor, and made way
for Frank Kearnes and John Queen,
the Morning Glories. They were
funny, so Bill didn’t laugh ; but as
soon as they left the slage lie gave
the audience his 4th e lilion of a
genuine laugh. He laughed iiiiinod
erately. The audience lay hack ex
liausted, and shouted for some one to
take the mail away. At this- Mage
of proceedings it became evident that
Josh Hart and Laughing Bill couldn’t
run opposition shows in the same
house at the same time. So Josh
Hart summoned all his ushers and a
few extra policemen and ejected the
famous Laughing Bill. This ena
bled the actors to earn their salaries
to the satisfaction of the manager
and the audience, and the show went
on.
Mr. Bennett has shown his ability
as a laughist. lie made an audience
of two thousand people laugh while
he laughed, and keep quiet when lie
was quiet, and lias, therefore, well
earned the title of Laughing Bill, the
champion laugher of the world.
Gun Powder i iteratuke.-A Gen.
Hammond, late of the Federal army,
and if wo are not mislakeu in the
person,some what unpleasantly known
in this city in connection with certain
alleged disparaging remarks about
General Lee, having charged General
Forest in a public speech .with being
a party to tiro swindle of the State of
Alabama in sundry railroad bonds,
tbe great cavalryman pays his respects
to him as follows :
He is a liar (I can use no other
language to one so base,) a cowardly
puppy and a scoundrel. If be owns
a title in the Federal army, lie dis
graces it, and if I have anything like
justice at the hands of the journal
that published this unprovoked and
wanton outrage upon me, this brand
of liar, coward and scoundrel will
speed as far as his slander and live
longer. That he may be assured of
my willingness to hear from him, he
is notified that a letter addressed to
me at Memphis will meet with atten
tion.— Telegraph if- Messenger.
- m* ——
“Kerosenility” is the World’s
latest characterization of the old
women who are continually ignit
ing themselves with kerosene oil.
_ ——— —— *
Greensboro’ brags on having a
safe jail.
[s2 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE.
I»at Grubbing Hoc.
Many years ago, there lived in a
beautiful litttlo country town in North
Alabama, a genial, warm hearted old
gentleman, Judge II .well known
throughout Stata as well for his
distinguished ability as his marked
genorosity and congeniality. Among
his chatel possessions—for the time
we are speaking of was long before
die war—was a negro, named Jake,
or as he was more familliarly called
Uncle Jake, and there never lived a
more provoking old daikie ; for Uncle
Jake, although a favorite, had many
weaknesses, and amongst others he
was particularly regarless of truth, to
such an extent in fact that occasion
ally the good old Judge found it
necessary to punish him. It was the
custom in those days for the town
constable to administer a flogging for
a consideration whenever the master
was disinclined to oflioiate, and the
constable of this particular town had
a severe reputation for proficiency
amongst the darkeys who had now
and then been so unfortunate as to
come under his hands. Jake, al
though he had never been there, was
well posted, and had a great repug
nance to Massa G , who was the
incumbent at that time. On one
occasion during the Christmas days,
while the old Judge was quite severe
ly indisposed, Uncle Jake had been
guilty of a misdemeanor, and pun
ishment was deemed necessary, so the
Judge wrote a note to the constable
about as follows :
Mr. G : Please give the bearer
thirty-nine lashes and charge to mo.
JI’DOK II
Calling up Undo Jake the Judge
ordered him to carry the note It)
G , who would give him a grub
lung hoe.
Jake started off up town, but his
suspicions were aroused. He couldn’t
understand what the Judge wanted
with a grubbing hoe at (Jhnsimas
time, and his conscience was not as
clear as it should have been, the
result of his suspicion was that the
truth suddenly flashed upon him—
he was to be whipped. Seeing a
school boy appro idling, he took out
the note and said :
“.Massa llob, what is dis note ? got
so many dis inornin, I got em mixed.”
The boy read the note and explain
ed its contents to who whis
tled and laughed to himself as a
bright idea stiuck him. Calling a
negro buy, who was near, Jake said :
“Boy, does you want to make a
quarter
“Of course I does.”
“Well, take dis note down dar, to
Massa G , ami git a garden hoe,
and I’ll wait here till you comes back*
an’ den I gives you a quarter.”
The boy hurried off to accomplish
his errand, and in due course deliv
ered the note to G , who took
him into the yard, locked the gate,
and proceeded, despite the boy’s pro
(e«tations of innocence, to administer
the desired flogging, while Jake hur
ried off home, chuckling over the
happy result of what might have
been serious busiuess for him.
That evening the Judge called
him up, and inquired :
•‘Jake, did you get that grubbing
hoe ?”
“No, massa; I give a boy a quai
ter to folch dat note to Massa G ,
and I spec he got dat hoe.”
“YVhat are you about, my dear?”
said a grandmother to a little boy,
who was idling about the room,
and casting furtive glances at a
gentleman who was paying a visit.
“I’m trying to steal papa’s hat
out of the room without letting
the gentleman eee it, for papa
wants him to think he’s out.”
A little boy whs sent to the store
for some eggs. Before reaching
home he dropped them. In answer
to his mother who a»ked, “Did you
break any ?’’ lie replied, “No,I didn’t
break anv, but the slwlls came ofl
some of them.'’
RATES OF ADVrHTI'IYG.
space 3 mo’3. C me’3. 2 moV.
1 '"ID re 4 400 t, r.) 1-j :
2 Sq'rs t; no Jo mi I J. ,j
3 sqr’s I 800 14 .n [ V.b <
>4 col. I 12 011 20 0u I
cos. 2 ) 00 35 00 i
one col. 40 00 "5 Of' |
The money for advertisements 1,- <Js ;
on the first insertion.
A square is the space of one inch in
depth of the column, irrespective of tit
number of lines.
•Marriages and deaths, not excocdi
six lines published free. Fora man ml
vertwing his wife, and nil other personal
matter, doable rates will f>e charged.
No. 38.
Female Pleasant rles,
“I heard it!’’
“Who told you?’’
“Her friend!’’ (?)
"You don’t say so?’’
“ Tis dreadful!”
“Yes, awful!"
“Don’t tell it, I prnj?”
“Good gracious!”
“Who’d think it?”
“Well! well! well!”
“Dear me!”
“I’ve had my
“.Suspicious!”
“Ar-J 1, too, you see?”
“ Lord help us!”
"Poor creature!”
“So artful! ’
“So sly!”
“Xq beauty!”
“Quite thirty”
‘ Between you and I!”
“I’m going!”
“Ds stay!”
“I can't!”
‘ I'm forlorn!'’
“Fmtwill, dear!”
‘ Good-bye, sweet!”
“I’in glad she s gone!”
There is a German girl hoggins in
Boston, who has no hands, but car
ries a IP tie tin box strapped about
her neck for the reception of coin.
.She is said to he “the possessor of a
line house in this city, and to be
now building a row of tenement
bouse in Brooklyn from the funds
gat timed in her peculiat calling.”
What a Grant ollice holder she would
make!
Hopeless infatuation—A young
Indy has taken up dentistry for a
living. All the gentlemen patron
ize her One* young man has be
come hopelessly infatuated with
her. Consequently lie hasn't 1
tooth in his head She lilts pulled
out every one of them, and mad.
him two new sits and ptt’J J t! ;
out.
As (he early mop in ■; train drew
up at the first stn'ion a ple.t-ant
iobking genl'eiiiHii p | l ed out on ll,>
platform, and inhaling the fjv !i ai:
enthusiastically exclaimed, to (I
brnkeman : “Isn’t this lev -• ■ ~tii;-*
“No, sir; it is Bethel,” said '.ln •••
scietiiions employes*. The plo.'e'e.M.
looking gentlemen retired.
A gentleman of Centerville, Indi
ana, was tecently lying very lov
when, being a personal friend, an un
derlaker thought to call on the sir I
man and pay his respects, but, to h;s
great surprise and astonishment, as
soon as he enieied the sick room in*
w.is greeted with, ‘ \\ hat in the
li —1| do yoa want here! When I
need von I’ll send for you.’’
: —•*•••
The elegant and accomplished hill
posters ol Louisville advertise their
business, and also “creaie for them
selves a permanent nieh in the tern
ple of fame,” by distiibuting,periodi
cally, a few thousand memoiandu
books among their patrons, ami now
everv citizen of that place keeps a
diary
“Gentlemen, where do you think
tuat beefsteak comes from ?” said the
landlord, planting his thumbs in his
waistcoat arm holes. “From near
the horns,” was tho quiet reply of
one of the hoarders. It is singular,
but that landlord has not put any
conundrums to those boarders since.
A novel yet simple device has serv
ed to destroy an unpleasant echo iu
the new court house at Bloomington,
Illinois. Three wires were stretch;
ed across the room at a proper
height. The theory is that the wires
break the sound waves and prevent
reverberation
She tripped lightly o’er the cros
sing, lisping “Dear Augustus,’ and
was on thejpoint of en bracing him,
when a rude hey tan up,slid holding
out a bundle of papers, cried Jout,
“Misses, you dropped your reading
room," and shied away xlown a dat;.
;> l| t *y— Current lU::.