Newspaper Page Text
THE WEEKLY GWINNETT HERALD.
|i H PEKPLKS, (
I a kd P« >pbiitor. |
■ Ihk
Inn du
I
IrliSiD M*R* *'
£PI£ S A. bowles.
Igt Klf TIOK HAIES :
El 2 ir.os., *1.50 in advance,
fcynios., .75 iuadvauce.
Mamoa , .50 in advance.
I Enough fur Everybody
I AS—
■idt’r/f Medium
M. titißALl) is untqualed by
■ a/ Us extensive circulation anu
■ ( .£ u i/y line /ates. businessmen
fi member this.
&NKS BL.ANNS ! BLA
(jjILIUMKiJtU PRINTKU)
|)R SAL E A T T H E
liJ. - T) dC, J LHJ< J
&N Jr i oIIM Y DIKKCTORY
HiHNOLAY s”MiIH, Mayor.
■ COUNCIL.
■ |, Moore, K D Herrin. W K Brown
Brown
ANU UKeARTL RK OF TRAIN
lor Suwannee, 7 a- iu
Hunt AND DKPARTURR OF MAILS.
- Arrives 12 in, depart* i
Stork. Departs 0a in ur
Monday and Thursday.
Aruves 10 a in. de
1 p ui. -Daily.
Hivkr. Aii ivr-12 in., de-
Hh i a u.,,M eloesday and Saturday
1 W. H. HaRVKY. p. M.
|fl CHU ROHRS
o..r -R. v ,1 k kino, Pastor.
on ilit- Ist and 3tli Sundays.
School. - A T Puttilln, Supt
Sunday at 3 p in
-Rev .1 K Vl t -< lellaml.
Hror. Services un did Snudar in each
Hoik.
Scnoni. Tlt I*.-well. Supt.
Sunday al 2.2 ) a no
Hi .»*»tscKvn.i.R Masonic Jaipur.--R
W M., 8 A Hagund, S W„
JW. Meets on Tuesday
no or betu e f ull moon in each
Hi Ik.
HMt Ysrnon Chaptkr, No 32, R A
H-J 0 Spence. H P, a T Pattillo,
Hr Meets 3rd Fiiday in »aeh month.
HUwnnktt Smtßioß Court—N. L.
Judge. Convenes on the lot
Busliy in Mareli and September.
■ COUNTY OFFICKRR.
HCuamaiioNwiu— l L) Spence, Chair
HdUetli, N Bennett, Jeftersonßritt, J
H Hupaim, J K Cloud.
J M Pattereou.
H|»Mka»y-J T Laniktu.
n.iKt $ C-D T Cain.
Hu Kici!ivßß..(i_W Pharr.
Hju Moixsctor- IJ C Lowery.
K N Robinson
IwAMrJI
rrceutlv located in 11 win
°uuty tenders liis profeasioual
Physician to the citizens
alientiou to all calls will be
VS 0 * *nd lesideiice at the resi
ti’siuon the Hurricane
Hwohmu 1884—Uino
([Farm Loans.
H r loans on improved
id Middle and Northern
negotiated on cheaper
any one in Atlanta.
H Addres,
■I f'HANCIS FONTAINE,
■ Fitter Building,
1 , Atlanta Ga.
I l (1 l Blth.— Into.
I in
mX li^( ' >KriLL h\ a A
HV U “unday Ihe 2tith inei., the
H»«f«igned will open the Globe
iu Lawrenceville, for the ac
H“modatioH of the
I $
H:*" 11 b * prepared to offer tirat
■ni: mmodttll °UH and prompt
■““ontoall who patronize the
Rouse.
■v A -J< L. BATHS.
Bf4aLaTB.WAHT.rr. f » ff
ygsps”
'TfouteJ. Vhe most
L«
i \r Ml f -J, 1 ■■■■ ■■ ■'
MISOEI I,ANY
THE OLD CHEKftY
FKRM
' Sech a reediklis to do !’’ de
claved Aum Luraiuey Mulfoid
‘l th a’d say Hazel wasn’t in her
same senses P
The Mill ford connection, fur
and near, were terrible exercised
over the fact that Ha zel
Heatherion had invested six hund
red dollars for the fcherty Farm.
‘•A w .ru out old place that ani’t
wuth shucks l They asserted.
When uncle Heeekiah died, leav
ing a thousand dollars apiece to
each of his two unmarried nieces
the two, of ihe girls were looke I
upon as heiresses by the numer
ous kin folk living in aud around
the little village of the Dripping
Springs.
But when Haze), in spite of all
opposition, persisted in investing
six buudred dollars for her lega
cy in the farm, as already stated,
and invited Aum Comfort Mulfoid
to live with her, their discontent
knew no bounds.
“She 'might cf invested
Ler money safe with me,” com
plained Uncle Zeke, “an’ I’d give
her five p«r cent iu trust on it.
She could o’lived gooji on it ; but
no, she must go an’ spend her
money 'fore Uncle He zski h was
fairly cold iu his grave ”
“That ole place won’t grow
nothie’ but pusley aDd cockle
buire,” | groaned Aunt Lurainey,
“she'lljstsrve to death on it shore.
“It'll be a jedgement on her if
she does,” declared Uncle Zeke
grimly shaking bis head as he
lighted hiefcoh pipe with a coal
from the fireplace.
An 4 the rest of tbe kip folks,
ageed with hint, and prophesied
all manner of ill fortune for Haz
el. AH, that is. with the excep
tion of Cousin John Mulford and
his wife Arvilla.
They upheld her in h6r unpop
nl a r proceeding. Cousin
John even went aua mended the
roof of the leaky * but picturesque
little cottage, which stood on a
grassy hillside, sheltered by the
sweeping branches of half a dozen
or more bit ek heart cherry trees
which had given tbe place its
name.
“It’s a pretty, place,” averred
Cousin John, “An Haze) will
have a home there if the ain’t got
nothin’ else. Her an’ Aunt Coin
fort’ll live as happy as cows
in a clover field.
“She might of bought a lot in
town, if she must have proppity,’
they grumbled.
But Hazel only laughed at their
fore bodings.
“I never bad a home of.my own,"
she said, “And I guess the old
place willj support me an’ Aunt
Comfort as well as the’robius that
live upo* the cherry trees.’
Aud when the three tiny rooms
of the litlle cottage wsre scoured
as cleaa as soap could make them
the walls uewly whitened, aud the
rooms filled with pretty housbold
furniture Haze) bad bought, and
and which Cousin John hr ought
out with his ox team, the young
mistress of Cherry farm felt a ae
reus content in her possessions
that all tbs ill natured forebod
ing# Mulford clan failed to dis
turb.
“Tbsr yeu air, Haxel—Snug as
as a bug in a rug !’’ said Cousin
John, mopping his face with his
red cettoa hankercbeif, as he star
ted the slumbering oxen on thei r
homeward way. “An’ when you
git yer plunder all put to rights,
me an’ Arvitly’ll come an’ make
you a visit.
“Be sure you do cried,” Ha
zel brightly. “An’ when the cher
rtes are ripe, Arvilla can have ail
si e wants to put up.”
Melzeua Mulford, Uncle Huze
kiah’sother legs 1 ee, was no lest
loud ir her denunciation of Haz
le’s investment.
“How does she ever expect to
git married I’d like to kuow," sl.e
commenced, “away off in that
lonely place, with nobody but
poky Aunt comfort for eompauy ?
But I don’t care, I'm sure, if she
want’s to make an o/d maid of het
self. I’m a-goiu to have the good
J of the money while I'm young.”
Lawrenceville Georgia, Tuesday July 29, 1884,
She accordingly indulged her
self in the purchase of numerous
and expensive dresses and gew
gaws, hanged and frizzed her hair
in ihe latest style, carritd a scar
let parasol in her vilage walks and
alter enjoying ihe triumph of ex
hibiting herself aud her new pos
sessions to the inhabitants of
Dripping Springs, she announced
her inteution of going to the sea
shore for the summer.
“Going a husband hunting, - ’ de
dared the gossips. “There ain’t
nobody good enough for her in
Dripping Springs!’’
Bui if Melzena heard them she
paid no heed to their gossip, but
packed her big new Saratoga trunk
with her uew finely, and set out
on her journey
As the weeks passed on , Hazel
aud Aunt Comfort enjoyed them
selves in their Dew home, in spile
of the evil prognostications.
And indeed, though the dissat
isfied kinfolk still shook their
heads over Hazel and her doings
they were very well pleased to
drive out to the farm on summer
afternoons, aud eat their fill of
lipe black-heart cherries, or drink
ea from Hazels dowered-china
tea-cup; or to spend the day, and
dine ou fried chicken, green peas,
uew putatoes anti other early veg
etables, laised by the inJustry of
Hazel and Aunt Comfort, with
tv little help from Cousin John and
his hiied hand, Mike.
*******
“Married! No; nor I don’t nev
er expect to be," solemnly asserted
Mr. Nicholas Bycroft, as he fasten
ed tue hasp of his trunk, and took
down his breech loading rifle to
see that it was in order.
For Mr. Nicholas was making
tiiial preparations for his journey
to Texas*where he was going in
to stoek-ruiaiug on a cattle ranen
of several hundred acres.
“Get married indeed !’’ he con
tinued, muttering to himself.
“Tbe>e ain’t more’u one girl in a
hundred I’d have, an’ like as not
that one wouldn’t have me. If
thera was a girl, now that thought
of anything beside a-curling her
hair aud dressing herself up in
silk* and furbelows, an’ had any
idee of what a home ought to be,
I dun kn >w but I might— But
pshaw! if there is any sich girl s,
I've never come aeross ’em an nev
er expect to. I'll be an old bach
elor and live by myself, like Uncle
Tom.”
*****
‘Bless me. Hazel,” cried Aunt
Comfort, one bright, summer morn
ing, “here’s your Cousin John an’
Arvilly a-comin out in the spring
wagou, an’ a man with ’em. Who
kiu it be’ ’Tam’i the minister, I
know, fur he’s more grizzled look
in' an' haint. got a piuted mustache
like this one.”
It was baking-dry, and Hazel
was in the kitchen, her sleeves
rolled up. aud uer cheeks flushed
to a bright damask red.
“1 hope the best tabie-eloth is
cleau. whoever it is," she returned
peeping iuto the even at a pan of
cherry tarts, that were almost
swimming iu their own crimson
juice.
The strarger with the “pin/ed
must a ihe," proved to be Mr. Nich
olas Bvcroft, who has stopped on
his journey to spend a week with
his cousiu Arvilla, John Mulford s
wife.
Mr. Bycroft’s visit to the Cheery
Farm was by no means his last
one aud for some reason or othsr
hir week’s visit stretched to a
month and the month had almost
doubled itself and still he lingered
a* his cousiu’s near DtppingSpriugs
One summer night he stood
with Hazel on the latticed porch
at Cherry Cottage, ti e soft moon
beams flittering down through the
scarlet bean vines overhead.
•‘There ain't another woman |
in the world I ever wautod to mar
ry, Hazel —only you!” whispered
Nicholas, earnestly. “I want a j
wife that can help me to make a ’
home aud to enjoy it after it is
made. Think of my big ranch, |
out in Texas, now. I shall live
there a lonely old bachelor all my
days, unless you go with me Say
Hazel, will you go?’’
And so, much to the delight of
C tusiu John's folks, aud the sur - t
prise of other relations, the wea
DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE AND LOCAL AFFAIRS
thy cattle rancher carried Hazel
off, to be mistress of his Texas
home.
Aunt Comfort was left in posses
sion of Cherry farm, rent free, for
the rest of her days; and here,
Melzeua Mulfoid was glad to
seek an asylum wheu she returned
from tbo seashore, with only a
remnant of her legacy left, ana
with no prospecis of marriage set
dements on hand.
A Lively Csr|M«
Richmond. Tex., July 18.—On
Wednesday as Hauuah Burton,
aged twelve, was returning from
school, she was met by Webb Het
tan. on ex-convct, who attacked,
outraged and then killed hei, bury
ing her body in John’s creek, eight
miles from here. Shortly afier
ihe girl’s clothes were found torn,
muddy and bloody. Learning
that Hettan was seen running
from the place a short time before
the neighbors made search and ar
rested him. lie confessed and
took the party where he had buri
ed the oody The officers started
for Richmond with tbs prisoner.
They tied his hands behind him
and put r rope urouud his neck-
Th y were met by an infuriated
crowd who took the prisoner, tied
him to a tree und sl.ot him fifteen
times, when he fell apparently
dead Ihey took the rope off and
.est him for dead. After the par
ty nad left Hatton got up, went
home, dressed his wound and left
On Thursday morning the coro
ner went out to hold an inquest,
but the remains had disappeared.
The oflicers are now hunting for
the corps.
Ex-t.ov. Benj. F. Butler, of Ma v
sachusetts, candidate for presi-'
deni on the greenback and anti
monopoly ticket's, was at tti« Fi/tk
Avenue hotel yesterday. He
•would not coutide his plans to the
reporters. He left the hotel at
8 p. m., to take the train for Wash
ington. A few minutes before he
lef., ex-Senator Grady of Tamma
ny hall called and had a short in
terview with him. Mr. Grady
would not communicate the results
to the reporters. As General Bat
ler left the hotel he was met by a
reporter of The Sun, and the fol
lowing conversation occured :
“l’he Sun would like to know
what you are going to do in the
political campaign, general.”
“The Sun can't kuow for I don’t
kuow myself."
“Are you going to vote for
Cleveland ?”
“Yes—no.”
“How is that—yes or no ?”
“Both ”
“Well if won’t talk, 1 sup
pose we cannot make you talk ?"
“No; it is the old story of the
meeting of the irresistable force
aud immovable body. Goodnight.'
—N. Y. Sun.
APEKANI ES ARE DEIiETMJL
A very tall girl wearing a Mcth
ee Hubbard dress, stepped ou a
platfoi m scales at Coney Island,
aud informed the propietor that
she wished to be weighed
He placed a 200 pound weight
on thejbcok.'and tbe suddenneae
with which it came down brighter
ed him. Then he tried a one hun
dred and fitly pound weight with
the same result.
‘Strange,’ he muttered with a
peiq lexed look at the girl, some
thing must be wrong witli the
sea les.
Finally, after repeated attempts
be informed her, in a dubious
tone of voice, that she weighed
just eighty-nine pouuds
“ Thank you," she said, handiig
him the nickel), “I seem to be
gaiuing,’ and she tripped away.
Then ths amazed scaleman look
ed after Her, aud remarked:
*' omo young feller will gel ter
ribly fooled by that Mother Hub
bard.
Their VI lee toe
Dude Augustus—“Aw ! yaas.
lam well protected againet the
sun ye knavv.”
George—“ln what way.’’
Dud* Agustus—“l, aw, hava aw
hat filled with cabbage leaves, ye,
kuaw but d'ye know I cawn't see
why cabbage leaves should be so
good Er that, ye kt>aw.
“Because that is what they were
made for.”
The Had Hoy
“What a the trot.hie now be
tween you and your pi?" asked
lit groieivu.su ot the t ad bey, as
he cam* d„wo the alley on u |uuip
»i.«r cam bug over tne beck lenee
st tus bou*e in a Dui ry, attire-1 on
lj iu a panto vud shirt aud a coat
of perspiration. “There’s your
pe looking ov;r tbe fence now.
and shaking a piece of barrel stave
this way. WLat have you been
up to?”
“O, just been doing what pa
told me to," as be picted up the
cover of a laisiu box aud begau to
fan himself. “You see, pa is one
of these funny fellows. In a cold
day in winter he will come to the
table and ask in a where iiis linen
cost is, and why .-he don't put up
the mosquito bars. He thinks it
is smart. This morning it. was
hot enough to roast eggs on the
sidewalk, and pa came dowD to
breakfast aud asked where his
•exlskiu cap ai.d gloves wtrt,
and then h» turned to me
and s id, ‘Hennery, why haven’t
you built a fire in the furnace?
Want ua all to freeze to death? If
you cant keep a fire in tuefurnace
I will know the reason why, amt
then be laughed, and wiped
tbe sperspira'ion off his face. I
thoi gjt it would he a good joke
to take pa at bin word, that two
could be as cunning as well as
one, sol went down iu the base
ment and built a Jiie inthe fnrnac
with kindling wood, and put on a
lot of coal. After breakfast pt.
■at down in the parlor to read the
paper, and he began to git a hot
box. It was warm enough with
out any fire, about niu ety in the
shade, and pa began to hea t rip. I
went through the parlor and I
said I guessed it was going to be
afg'orcher. and a man *mlii
sunsiruck, if he went out doom.
Pa is alraid of being sunstruck, so
be wouldn’t go eut. He sa t (litre
trying to read, and pulled off hie
vest ami collar and cuffs, and Loots
and tried to find a cool place. He
went up staiis, but it wag hotter
there, and he came down puffing.
The minister and two deacon*
calls llota k w ith pa about the
p'ceic tliey “re g ing 11 ha Ve i< xt
weak, tt'ul they s>i 1 ;t wii .I t Lot
list day ev.T aitw. Pa said if 1 ull
was any hot er tiau Milwau Ite i
had no chinos fur him, und the
minister tu d this we 1 1i er vns a
refrigerator car iu cmpamoii
with what pa would meet inter
hereafter, if ha didn’t th’ tige his
com sc. Pa <in uta 1 at the •• n
iater for being so personal, li t lie
w»n. on talking about tl.e p onic
The mi’.istur lo keJ at the her
uioineter .u lit was a hut di ed
an.) six. and he said he di.'u': go
iut of that h use, till after st.n
dowr, nt if lie kuew it Pa sug
gested tl ut tl t Uiinifli r M.d tl.e
deacons take off their c.«i a and
t' ing-. and so they » tipped . ff
licit things and tat around and
I ill. d. The minister sai l as pa
he committee on lemonade
for the picnic, l.c letter make
some then, so they could see if he
knew Lis 1 usiuess, an 1 pu seto me
to the ki'cheu to make some.
There was ouly one lemon, so I
asked the girl for sone lemon ex
tract, B he gave me a bo.tie of ci
trate of magnesia, whi-b she said
was sj tear like lemon ud.- tiny
couldn’t c « lie diff rence, and I
p,urtd a quart of th t iu the lem
onade j.itcher, and sweetene I it
and took it in the parlor. Well
yru’d a dide o sou them drink it,
and p.rspire They talked pic
nic and :ooked a‘, the thermome
ter and spoke disrespectfully of
the weather, and I sat around and
watched them from on top of ths
ics box about an hour, when sud
denly they dido t drink any more
lemonade, cause it was all gone.
Paweut in the kitchen, Mi l I saw
him examining the bottle that I
got the lemon extract out of, and
he picked up a peice of battel;
stave and went hack in h« parlor
aud just then the min ster, who :
had sat his chair over the regi.-ter ;
to get ths draft of cold a.r, :o’d ,
pa tLere was hot air coming up t 1 s
register. »rut pa aud the deacons
examined all the registets, and
foutd that the air was hot, and
than they looked at each other,
end pa came to the door and spoke
kindly, and said, ‘Hennery, come
in here; your pa wauta to speak to !
yon about sosaething,’ but I knew ;
ho was holding a barrel stave be
hind him to hide it, aud I didu't
’come here Hennery,’ not very
much. I think a boy can ’most
always te>l when it is hsalthy not
-corns here Hennery.’ Just as
the minister looked at the thei
mometer and said it was a hun
dred and twenty, aud rna came in
the front door front her market
ing, and shouted fire I went out
the back wiv and got over the
fence a lit'le ahead of th. barrel
stave, which str»*k thef'eace right
under me.
I ain’; no oowaru ou* I am like
the fellow that tun away from the
fight aud said, as the chairs and
bungst.vrters began to fly through
tue / ir, he decided to get out honor
ably, an<l the ouly way to get out
houot ably was to ge' out quick
Fa will get over being matt at
tw-lve thirty, und I will go home
to dinner. I guess the picnic
meeting has adjourned, as the
ministers aud the deacons are
coming up the sidewalk with their
coats on their arms. Pa is one
of these fellows likes a joke if it
is on somebody else. The other
day a friend come to our house,
and Pa wanted to play a trick on
him, so he said In would git him
around in the back of the.house,
andgetliim into the hammock,
and as soon as he was in he wan
ted me to reach around the corn
er of the boose a id cu' the tope o*
the tree ami cut him down. When
I (nought it was aiout time for
Pa to get the man in the ham
mock I cut i he rope ami come out
to help I’a ’augh ai the fellow. I
was surprised to find ilmt the fel
low vvas setting on a bench, and
Pa liatl gone down with (lie Imm
mock, and he wav making up the
awfrlest face ever was. Hi*
pants was split from Dan to Beer
sheba, ami he made a dent in ti e
ground as big as a six quart milk
pan. The fellow laughed bit l Pa
was mad, and said I didn't lmvt
no sense. He wanted to kuow
why I,din’t 100 k wha jl was doing,
and wheu I told him J did, he
was mad amin. and said I didn't
have no veneration. If my tickets
didn’t draw any veneration, how
was Ito blame ? I did just as Pa
told me to. How was J to know
it was Pa iu the hammock in Htiad
of the other fellow. It is mighty
hard to do everyhing right ain’t
it ? Don’t you think our folks are
in luck that I do Jso few things
wrong?”
The grocetyman said lit
thought they were in luck tha'
they weie alive,and as the badjboy
went out of the back door his Pit
came iu the front door and asked
the price ot lettuce, and looked
all arouQd the store as if he had
lost something about tbe size ol
the ba boy.
Early yesterday afternoon Pa
trolman ltapp, while on d/arietta
street, ran upou a small three
year-old boy who had lost his bear
ing and could not thid his way
home. The little fellow watt hut
less and his pretty eyes were red
from crying, while bis handsome
face bad been scorched by the sun
until it was inmost blistered.—
The patrolman approached the
child kindly, but so badly was he
frightened that he could not talk.
However, by carefully watching
the little fellow, the patrolman as
certained that the little fello.i’s
father was a railroad man. The
child was taken to the city prison,
where he soon became the pet of alt
the men. Station house-keep, r
Foute, gave him his undivided at
tention and managed to keep him
iu good humor until about eight
o’clo:k lavt night when Mr. W. P.
Lothar, who resides on Gilmer
street, at the corner of Calhoun,
entered the city prison and claim
ed the child as his. Whet. Mi
Lolher entered the office the boy
saw him, and running up cried ;
“Papa, papa. Here is your boy.’
This was the first the child had
Baid after being picked up by pa
trohnau Rapp. The father was
greatly pleased at finding his lost
child. He said that the little fsl
low left home about noon and that
he was missed soon after his de
parture and a dilligent search was
quickly instituted for him bu
without success. When Mr. Mo
ther entered the city prison it was
for the purpose of secuiing aid in
prosecuting the search further.—
He was not long in ttking his
chi'd in his arms arid leaving for
home. Guns itutiou.
Cheerfulness is an excellent
wearing quality,, and has beou
j called the brigii t weatlo r of the
. heart.
| A ‘fromtier’ settlement is fre
quently mads with a shotgun.
Do your women customers both
er you much?’ asked a citizen who
was talking with a Woodward ave
nue grocer the other morning.
‘Well, they seldom want to pay
the prices. It seems natural for
them to want toj heat down the
figures. There pomes one now
who probably wants strawberries.
Here are some fresh ones at fif
teen cents per quart, and yet if 1
slioul 1 ask her only eleven she d
WHitl ’em for ten .'
‘Hav, try it on, just for a joke—
If Hhe asks the price put it at
eleven.'
The grocer agreed, ami presently
the woman came up, counted the
sixteen boxes of berries tinder her
note, and, of course, inquired :
‘Have yov any strawberries this
morning
‘Yes’rn.’
‘Fresh ones?'
‘Yes’in
‘ln quart boxes ?’
‘Y es'm.’
•How much ?’
‘Only eleven cents per box,
madam ’
‘l’ll take the whole lot,’ she
quietly observed, as site Itandel
out a*s bill ; and hike tin she
(lit).
The citizen disappeared at tha’
moment, and the grocer somehow
believes that it was a put up Job
between the two. Detroit. Free
Press.
“Yes," said the father, stroking
his son’s head fondly, “James is u
bright intelligent hoy. aud some
day I hope to see him occupying
an exalted position in politics,"
“He is certainly a fine Lid,’’ tic
quiesced the visitor. “What do
you expect to do, James, when
you grow to be a man ?’’
‘ Well. 1 hardly know My am
01 * lon l* now io riu honest aim
truthful and manly, and treat peo
pie squarely and fairly, and study
In.rd to be respected by every
body.’’
“Well saitl, my boy, |\vell said,”
Then the visitor added in an un
dertone to tho old gentleman ;
“W’liat do ycu think of James
occupying an exalted posit’on in
politics, some day ?”
“Well, I think that if he carries
out IDs present intentions he is
likely to gel left.
Young Doctor—“Y es, I have a
patient at last, and I am in a terri
ble fix.”
Sympathizing Friend—“ Can’t
you understand his disease?”
“Oh, there is no trouble about
that.’’
“Then where does the fix come
in !”
“You see, he is a notorious swiu
dler, never pays a bill if lie can
help it, amt besides, he has no
proj erly.”
“Well?”
“Well, if 1 kill him, I can’t ge.
anything."
“ Then don’t do it.”
“But if I cure him, he will get
away. ”
Said a nervous visitor to an Aus
tin lmly at whose house was mak
ing a call.
“Are you not afruid that some
of your children will fall imo that
cistern oi your yard ?’’
“Oh, no,” was the complacent
leply, anyhow, that's not the cis
ter a we get our drinking water
from
A little girl sat on the floor cry
ing. After aw'dle she stopped
and seemed buried in thought.
Looking up suddenly she said :
“Mama, what was I crying
about! ’
“Because 1 wouldn't let you go
down town.”
“Oh, yes,’’ and she set up an
other Howl.
“That lady is handsome, but she
looks as if she bad a temper of liar
own." remarked one drummer to
another on a train the other day
“You read character correctly,”
was th ■ reply.
“Why, you speak us if you were
acquainted with tier!’
“Well, I am, slightly. I mar
lied her some ten years ago ’
A little 4-year-old said to his
mother last week: “Mother, Ibe
lieve God thinks I'm dead.” Why?
asked the mother somewhat, aston
ished at the remark. “Cause I
haven’t said my prayers for a
week."
jVol. XIV.—No 18
The original laud league—three
□lilt s.
Does the night mail go by the
bed post ?
Artist Gaugen gigl ought to eo
and live in Tehe ran.
F< w women are blest with the
gift of occasional silence.
Although a girl may be fast, she
won't do to fie to.
A good coconu is meaty, hu l
falliugstar is a meteor.
Many a dry time iu business is
helped out by a heavy due.
A bunion is spoken of as a uob
by thing iu low cut shoes.
Die poorest of all poor relations
—telling a good story badly.
‘llainiliops on tbo roof.’ Of
course it drops ou the roof. Thais
what the roof is for.
A southern ilarkey calls her ba
by ‘Winter,’ because lie is a 'nip
ping und a nigger heir.
The name of a new novel is tie
Eleveath Hour. The author regu
lnrlv retired at midnight.
Ban-els of gin have taken to sx
ploding. There must be some
terrible schnapps 'when they go
of!’.
To he a good swimmer the
mouth shonld always be kept
shut. Women are seldom good
swimmers.
Seeking for fame without poses
ing the proper qualifies)ins is like
goind crabbing vvi’hout a scalp
net.
To err is human, which goes to
prove the superhuman nature of
the e liter of the independant
newspaper.
A man may like to stand on the
piuucle of fame, but he does not
cure to sit. down on the first part of
it.
You may consider yr urseif
much better than some body else
but. you can't prove it to his satis*
faction, any how.
Massachusetts has more letters
in it than Mississippi, but the lat
ter is a longer word—a miss is as
good as a mile.
Julia Ward Howe saje women
do not fall in love any more. P«r
haps not, but they continue to
have all the symtons.
11 ow to protect harness from
rats is told by the Germantown
Telegraph, as follows: ‘Bats,
when they ate hungry—which they
always are—will eat harness. A
correspondent informs us that if,
alter greasing the harness, it is
dusted with cayenne pepper, they
w ill not disturb it. Another cor
respondent says that a coat of oar
bolic ucid, following the greasing,
is a sure protection. Either or
both of these may be, for all we
know, personally, a sure protec
tion ; but we have a method that
we never found to fail, to wit:
Haag the harness carefully up,
and high enough out of reach of
this destructive rodent, aud off
from anything tha 1 , may offer as
stsiunce to get to the harness, aud
you m < d not have any fear of in
jury from the hungry rat.
The following complaints eonfin
ed Smith to his bed for a week:
Worms.
H-eadaehe.
Indigestion,
F-tomach ache.
K-idueys out of order.
E rysipelas.
Y ellow jaundice.
He who makes the best of life
losses tire worst of death.
The creanr of experince is ob
tained from spiled milk.
It is a good rule to be deaf
wneu a slanderer begins to talk.
The immortal saying “there (is
always room at t n e top," was ia
vented by a ho‘el clerk.
Hold on your good name, for
iz is of more value than gold
high places or tashioubl a tire.|
Dealer—“ Yes, th ese straw ber
ries are perfectly fresh. Just
recieved’em this morning."
Customer—“ What is the price?’’
“Only twenty cents a box
now.”
(Examining them) “Toohigh;
too high.”
“Why, madam, twenty cents a
box at this season is not at all
high. It is low.”
“I was not referring to the ber
ries.”
“To what, (hen ?”
“To the bottoms of the boxes."
“I was a fuel not to follow my
own judgement. I knew if we
sent the aoy away from home be
would go to perdition," sobbed
Mrs. Blimber, looking up from a
letter which she had been read
ing-
I “Why, what a the mat er with
the boy ?" asked Mr. B. calmly.
“Matter 1" ejelainaed bis wife,
he’s joined a baseball club.," : . s