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BY S. B. GRAFTON.
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 1853.
VOL. VI1-—NO. 11.
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3P © H 3E Y
A Psalm of Life.
A PARODY.
What the Heart of the Young Woman
said to the Old Maid.
Professional and Business Cards.
I. H, SAFFOLJ), Jr.
Attorney and Counsellor at Law,
SANDERSVILLE, GA.
"Will practice in the counties of Wash
ington, Montgomery, TatnaH Emanuel and
Jefferson of the Middle Circuit, also the
counties of Telfair and Irwin of the South
ern Circuit. Office in Sandersville.
February 22, 18 )3 4—if
BEVERLY D, EVANS
ATIORKBY AT JiAW,
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA
WILL practice in the counties of Wash
jngton Burke, Jefferson, Scriven, Emanue 1
Daurens, Wilkinson and Hancock.
(Office in Court House on Lower Floor.)
Fob. j, 1853. 1—ly
JAMES S, HOOK, "
Attorney at Law,
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA
WILL PRACTICE IN THE COUNTIES OF
. . i Washington, Burke, Scriven
Middle-circuit ^ j e g- eraon and Emanuel.
(Southern Circuit. | - - - - Laurens. •
Ocmulgee Circuit | - - - - Wilkinson.
[Office next door to Warthen‘s store.]
pftice. jan. 1, 1852. 51—ly
It. L. WAltTlIE.V,
Attorney at Law,
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA,
feb. 17, 1S53, 4—ly .
BY HENRY W. SHORTFELLOW,
Tell me not in idle jingle,
“Marriage is an empty dream!”
For the girl is dead that’s single 4
And girls are now what they seem.
Life is real 1 Life is earnest!
Single blessedness a fib!
“Man thou art, to man returnest,”
Has been spoken of the rib.
Not enjoyment and not sorrow
Is our destined end or way
But to act that each to-morrow
Find us nearer marriage day.
Life is long, and youth is fleeting,
And our hearts though light and gay,
Still like pleasant drums are beating
Wedding marches all the way.
In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of life,
Be not like dumb driven cattle !
But a heroine—a wife
Trust no future, howe’r pleasant,
Let the dead Past bury its dead
Act—act in the living Present!
Heart within, and hope ahead !
Lives of married lolks remind us
We can live our lives as well,
And departing, leaves behind us
/Some example as shall “tell.”
Such example, that another,
Wasting time in idle sport,
A forlorn, unmarried brother.
Seeing shall take heart and court.
Let us, then be up and doing,
With a heart on triumph set;
Still contriving still pursuing,
And each one a husband get!
H§(S]!3LJLAMVr
NETTLE BOTTOM BALL
AN AMUSING STORY.
J NO. W, RUBISILL.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
SANDERSVILLE, Ga.
Jan. 25, 1853 52—iv
MDLFORD MARSH,
ttorney and Counsellor at Law
Office. 175, Bay street, Savannah, Ga.
feb. 22, 1853. 4—ly
S. B. CRAFTON.
Attorney at Law.
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA,
Will also attend the Courts of Emanu
turens, and Jefferson, should business he em
istedto his care,in either of those countie- 1
feb. 11. 4-*-tf
J. B. HAYNE,
Attorney at Law.
SCARBOROUGH, GEORGIA.
Will atteud promptly to all business en
trusted to his care in any of the Courts of the
Middle or Eastern counties.
March 14, 7—ly
M, & R. M. JOHNSTON,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
SPARTA, GEORGIA
Will practice in Hancock and the ad
joining counties, and the Supremo Court.
MARK JOHNSTON, | R. M. JOHNSTON.
March 22, 1853. 8—tf
Dr. William L. Jernigan,
HAVING permanently located him-
Sr self in Sandersville, respectfully offers
R his professional services to the citizens
the Village, and county. When not oth-
wise engaged he may be found at his Office
all times.
Sandersville, March 8,1853. 6—ly
W. L. HOLLIFIELD,
8VB.GSOTC ©ENLIST.
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA
may 10,1852. 16—tf
ScrantonjJOBsrsoar & co
G K O C E It S.
Savannah, Ga.
i>- T. SCRANTON,
JOSEPH JOHNSTON.
| Savannah.
\ TV. B. SCRANTON,
„, i No. 19, Old Slip, N. Yor
feb. 32 1853. 4—ly
•Well, it are a fact, boys,’ said Jim Sikes,
‘that I promised to tell you how I come to
get out here in these Platte diggings, and
1 speculate you mout as well have it atonal,
case it’s been troublin’ my conscience ama-
ziu to keep it kivered up. The attar raised
jesse in Nettle Bottom and old Tom Jones’
yell, when he swar’d he’d chaw me up, gives
uiv meat a slight sprinkliu’ of auger, wheu
I think of it,
‘You see there war a small town called
Equality in Mizzury, that some speculators
started near Nettle Bottom, cos thar war a
spontaneous salt lick in the diggings, and
no sooner di.i they git a going, and built
some stores and groceries thar, than they
waggoned from St. Louis, and other down
stream villages, a parcel of fellers to attend
their shops, that looked as nice always as
if they war going to meeting or a courting
frolic, ‘and salt their pictures,’ they wur
eternally a poking up their noses at us boys
of the bottom.
‘Well, they got up a ball in the village,
jest to introduce themselves to the gals
round the neighborhood, and iuvited a few
ou us to make a contrary picture to them
selves, and so shine us out of sight by com
parison. After that Ball thar war’nl any
thing talked of among the gals but what
neat follows the clerks in Equality were, and
how nice and slick they wore their hats and
shiny boots, and the way they stirruped
down their trowsers. If one of us Bottom
boys went to see the gals, all the talk was
about the slick looking boys from Equality.
‘So we boys got our danders up, and we
fixed a day for a general meetin’ pon the
subject. We met in the bottom at Jake’s,
and I’m of the opinion thar war some con
gregated wrath thar—whew! warn’t they
‘Thunder and scissors,’ said Mike Jolt,
‘let’s go down and lick the town right on
sight!’ j
‘No,’ hollered Dick Butts, ‘let’s ketch!
these slick badgers coming out of meetiu,
and tare the hide and feathers off them.
‘Why darn em, what d’ye think boys,'
burst in oid Jake, I swar if they aiut larnt j
our gals to wear b..ck cushions; only this j
morning I caught my darter Sally Ann put |
ton on oue and tying round her. She tho’t j
I was asleep I seed her, and I made the jade ;
repudiate it, aud no mistake—quicker!’
‘The boys took a drink on the occasion;
and Equality town was a slumbering for a;
short time over a contiguous yarthquake.'
At last one of the boys proposed before we
attacked the town, that we should git up a
ball in the Bottom, and jist outshine the
town chaps all to death, afore we swallowed
’em. It was hard to gin in to this proposi
tion, but the boys cum to it at last, and eve
ry feller started the affar going.
‘I had been a long time hankering arter
old Tom Jones’ darter on the branch below
the bottom, and she was a critter good for:
weak eyes—may be she band’t a pair of her
own; well if they warn’t a brace, of moving
light houses I wouldn’t say it. There was
no calculating the extent of handsomeness
of the family that gal could bring around
her with a feller like me to look arter them.
Talk about gracefulness! did you ever see a
maple saplin qaoving with a south wind? It
warn’t a crooked stick to be compared to her.
Her dad was awful—-he could jist lick any
thing that said boo in them diggins, out
swar Satan, and was as savage as a she bar.
He had a little hankering in favor of the
fellers in town, too, for they gin him pres
ent’s of powder to hunt with, and he was
precious fond of using his shooting iron. 1
determined, enyhovv, to ax bis darter Betsey
to be my partner at the Nettle Bottom Ball.
“Well my sister Marth made me a bran
new pair of buckskin trowsers to froliek in,
and she put stirrups on ’em to keep ’em
down. She said straps was the fachion, and
I should wear’em. I jest felt with them
on as if I had something pressing on me
down, all my joints wur so tight together,
but Martha insisted, and I knew l^would
dance ’em off', so I gin in, and started off to
the branch for Betsey Jones.
“Well, when I arriv, the old feller was
sitting smoking after supper, and the youn
ger Jones were sitting round the table tak-
in theirs. A whapping big pan of mush
stood right in the center, and a iarge pan of
milk stood beside it with lots of corn bread
and butter, and Betsey was belpeniug the
young sisters, while oid Mrs. Jones was ad
miring the collection. Old Tom took a
hard star at me, and I kind a shook, but the
straps stood, and 1 recovered myself, an gin
him as good as be sent, but I kept near the
door, and all ready to break if he showed
tight.
‘What the h—1 are you doing i i dis
guise?’ says the old man—he swore dread
fully—‘are you coining down here to steal?’
1 riled up at that, Says l, ‘ef I wur cumin
for seech a purpose, you’d be the last man
I’d hunt up to steal off'on.’
‘Y'ou’r rite,’ says he, ‘I’d make a hole to
light your innards, ef you did.’
And the old savage chuckled. I meant
because be luid nothing worth stealing but
his darter, but lie thought it was cos i was
afeard on him,
“Well, purty soon I gathered up and told
him what 1 cum down fur, and invited him
to cum up and take a drink, and see that all
went on rite.
The old ’otnan here spoke in faver of the
move, aud old Tom thought of liquor and
gin into the measure. Off bounded Betsey
up a ladder into the second story and took
one of the girls w ith her to help her pul on
her fixing. I set down in a cheer aud fell to
talking to the old ’oman While we wur
chatting away as nice as relations, I could
hear Bet making things stand round above. j
The floor was omy loose boards kivered |
over wide jists, and every step made ’em j
shake like a small hurrykane. Old Tom
smoked away, and the children at the table
would hold
The Model Motlier-lti-Law.
BY PU CH.
The Model Mother in-law is essentially a
strongiuitided woman. She is always tell
ing people‘a bit of her mind.’ The hus
band gets a bit every day. Ail his relatfons
too, who dare ‘to put their noses into what
do not concern them,’ are favored with ‘a
bit’—a good large bit—also. Her ‘mind,’
like the bell of St. Sepulchre, is never told,
unless it is the prelude to some dreadful
execution She dearly loves a quiet family.
The Mz/del Mother-in law makes a principle
of residing with the victims. When once
in a house, she is as difficult to get out as
the dry rot, and, if allowed her own way,
soon undermines everything, and brings
the house,’ ‘in no time,’ about everybody’s
ears. She goes out of towu with them ev
ery year. She should never forgive herself
if anything happened when she was away
and she was not near her dearest Julia to
aid and comfort. The husband’s comfort
is never considered. If lie does succeed in
driving her out of the house his torments
are by no means at an end, for the chances
are by no means at an end, for the chances
are that she take a lodgiug in the same
street, and lives just opposite to him. Then
she amuses herself by running backward
all day, dropping into dinner and luncheon
about six times a week, or else watching
every tiling that takes place in the hous.-
from over the window blinds of her first
pair front. His only escape, then, is in es
tablishing a society for the promotion of
emigration to England of all homeless
mothers-in-law who have an only daughter.
If this should be fruitless, his only hope is
in procuring a law to annuli all marriages
where-the busbaud can prove that he has
married, ‘a treasure of a daughter,’ who
has a ‘jewel of a mother.’ If this remedy
even should fail, he had better take a couple
of Life Fills, for ‘there is no rest but the
grave,’for the husband who groans under a
model mother-in-law.’
Selling a. Minister.—A clergyman, wri
ting to a friend, thus tells how he was
‘done’ out of a dollar :
| ‘I was taken in by a brother the other
j day. He has been publishing a book, and
j his present business is selling it. He came
| to me in the evening, and of course I in vi
j ted him to take tea. He didn’t seem dis
i posed to take his leave, so I offered him
a bed and breakfast. Then he wanted th#
a spoonful ot mush in theii names 0 f in y l ea ding members, and gave
mouths and look at my straps, and then - - - - -
look at oue another and snigger, till at last
the old man seed ’em.
‘Well, by gun flints,’ says lie, ‘efyou aint
rankin’ a josey ,
Just at that moment something gin way
above, and I hope I may die, if Betsev,
without anything on yearth on her, but one
of these bark cushions, didn’ drop rite
through the floor, aud sot herself, cushion
and all, coehuch, flat into the pan of mush!
him those of my allies, but without the pri
vate signal. That being arranged, he
said--
‘Now, brother L., will you allow me to
leave one of my books with you ?’
I supposed that he meant to make me a
present of it, and began to say I trusted I
should And it interesting and useful.
‘Yes,’ he rejoined, ‘I think you will. It
has cost me a great'deal of labor and ex-
' pense; it sells for a dollar at the bookstores
I jist thought for a second that heaven and | but j sbaI1 Ietvou have it for ei ghtv seven
yearth had kissed each other and squeezed j an ^j a ba q- , ° ’
mein between’em Bet squalled likeaj l saw that i was done , and handed him a
scape pipe-a spot ot the mush had splatter-1 dollar . He hadn’any change, and kept
ed on the old man s lace, and tie swore | tb(J wbo ] e
dreadful. I snatched up the pan of milk j ’
and dashed it over Betsey to cool her off’—
the old’oman knocked me sprawling—for
wasliu it, and away went the straps. Then cj ous we«rtable called
the young ones let out a scream, as if the comes lo ° ma taritv ?”
Ethiopian Philosophy.—“Mr. Crow, can
you explain to de subscriber why dat ’li-
de nutmeg neber
infernal pit had broke loost. I’d jist gin
half my hides to have been out of the old
man’s reach. lie did reach for me, but I
lent him one of my half blows on the smeller
that spread him, and may be I didn’t leave;
sudden. 1 didn’t see the branch, but as I
soused through it, I heerd Tom Jones swar
he’d chaw me up ef an inch big of me was, y CS
found in them diggins in the mornin. I nutmegs,' as a class, grow large instead of i
‘ Neber comes to maturity ?”
“Yes ; why dey arn always small pota
toes ?”
“Why dey always small ’taters ~
“Yes, Mr. Crow. Why dey neber get
to be some pumpkins ?”
“Why dey neber”
“Yes* yes, Mr. Crow. “Why don’t de
I didu’t know for a spell where I was run- 1 a ] wa y S growin’ small ?”
rim, but hearin nothin behin me, I slacked “No, Julius Ceaser, I don’t know noffin
up and jest considered whether it wur best about iL You must ax some gardner man
o go home and get my straps straight and j about weg itables.”
leave, or go and see the ball. Bern as 1 j “VVeli,°Mr. Crow, I kin tell vou why nut-
was manager, 1 tho’t I’d go and have a peep! me g Sj ^ a class, don’t grow large* It’s
through the winder, to see it it coine up to because eberv individual nutmeg knows
my expectations. While I was lookm at ( j at d e largest nutmeg in de world am ba
the boys goin it, one on ’em spied me, and b j e to co ° e across a g rate r !”
the hauled me in and stood me afi re thej
fire to dry, and all hands got round, insis-l A Gentle Hint.—A boy in Ohio was hired
tin on k no win what was the matter. I ups to tend a store. One day he came home
and tells all about it. I never heerd such an( } sa j(j- “well, father, I’ve left Brown’s for ’
a laftin and screamm andhollerin in all my g 0 od.” “What’s the matter, Edmund?”;
days. isaid the father. “Nothing particular,” re-j
Jest then my trowsers gin to feel the fire, ! plied Edmund; ‘but Mr. Brown th*-ew out
and shrink about an inch a rainit, and the; SO me hints and talked so insinuating, that
boys and gals kept larfiu at my scrape and, I couldn’t stand it.” ‘What did he say ?’ ■
the pickle I war in, I gin to getriley. When j‘Why, he allowed that I robbed the mon-1
all at once I seed one of these slick critters, j e y drawer—and he“insinuated as much as
from rite in among ’em hollerin wus than jf [ W as a liar as well as a thief—and hinted j
the loudest of them all. ^ that if I did not evacuate his premises at
‘Old Jones said he would chaw you up, Q nce he would kick me out: and so I
did he?’ says the town feller, ‘well he always thought I might as weil come home 1”
keens his word.’ I „ _ ~~ , ,
That rainit I biled over. I grabbed his' Lost Snuffers.^-‘I wonder what has be-
slick hair, and may be I didn’t gin him scis-! come of the snuffers?’ said Mrs. Johnson,
sors. Jest as I was making a chawed soe- j ‘I have been looking for them all the eve-
cimen, some feller hollered out- j nine, and can’t find them high nor low.
‘Don’t let old Jones in with that there' Nobody could give her any information,
shooting iron’’ After awhile the hired Dutchman, getting
‘I didn’t hear any more in that bottom;' sleepy, commenced pulling of his boots,
lightnin couldn’t a got near enuff to singe prepartory to going to bed.
mv coat tail. I jumped thro’ that winder ‘All d.s day,’ said he, I dink I kot
as*easy as a bar would go through a cane some little grabble stones m ray poet. I
brake,* and cus me ef I couldn’t hear the kesslkit’era out now He turned up hu
grit of old Jones’s teeth, and smeH glazed boot and poured out the snuffers!
powder till I crossed old Mississippi. A young raan jjgfc bis father’s 8aac tion
Sambo’s description of a new Machine.- to his projected marriage The old gentle
st am de greatest invention ob de age,! man, Yetting his son ta pray with him,
de absquatiffator ob steamboats, railroads, X I
in the way, and make it impossible. The |
son interrupting cried: “Oh, Lord, don’t
you do it; for I mast have her any how !”
Good Natured Bachelor*.
Here are Fanny Fern’s ideas, in relation
to a good natured bachelor. A pleasant
picture, and for which all the clever raem-
; bers of the “rusty brotherhood” should be
| thankful:
[ “He lifts all the little school girls over the
mud-puddles, and kisses them when he
lands them on‘ the other side. AdmireB
little babies without regard to the shape of
their noses or the strength of their lungs.
Squeezes himself into an infinitesimal frag
ment, in the corner of an omnibus, to make
room for that troublesome individual, one—
more! Vacates his seat any number of
times at a crowded lecture, for distressed
looking single ladies. Orders stupid cab
drivers off the only dry crossing, to save a
pretty pair of feet from immersion, and don’t
forget to look the other way their owner
gathers up the skirts of he.r ’dress to trip a-
cross. Is just as civil to a shop girl as if
she were a Dutchess; pays regularly for hia
newspaper, lends his umbrella, and goes
home with a wet bever; has a clear con
science, a good digestion, and believes the
women to be all angels with their wings
folded up. Here’s hoping that matrimo
ny may never undeceive him!”
'•'■Our best Society."—We have lately
been put in possession ofau incident, of ac
tual occurrance, although we should not
dare to reveal its locality, whuh illustrates
in the most faithful and forcible manner the
ignorance which is too apt to exist in the
self-styled “upper circles.”
A gentleman of education and refinement
became interested in a young lady of high
standing in fashionable life, whom he had
met at an evening party. Acting upon an
impulse common to lovers, he soon after
paid her a visit—and found her in the par
lor enjoying her otium cum dig, upon a vel
vet sola,surrounded by all the appurtenan
ces of elegant luxury. The usual civilties
incident to such nil occasion having been
exchanged, and conversation fairly com
menced, the gentleman ventured to enquire
of the lady as to the employment of her time,
tshe replied, languidly, “in reading and wri
ting.” “Ah! reading—plenty of lare books
I see, arid writing—Poetry?” “No sir.”
“Prose?” “No sir.” “Blank verse, perhaps?”
“No sir—fine hand.” Is it necessary for us
to add that the approximate suitor made a
hasty exit—leaving his anticipated proposal
unsyllabled and unsung.”—Buff. Express.
Settling a Bill—Four sharpers having
treated themselves to a sumptuous dinner
at tha Hotel Montreal, were at a loss how
to settle for it, and hit off the following
plot;
They called the waiter, and asked for the
bill. One thrust his hand into his pocket,
as if to draw out his phrse; the second pre
vented him, declaring he would pay : the
third" did the same. The fourth forbade
the waiter taking money from either of
them, but all three persisted. As none
would yield, one said :
“The best way to decide is to blindfold
the waiter, and whoever he first catches
shall settle the bill.’
This proposition was accepted, and while
the waiter was groping his way around the
room, they slipped out of the house, one
after another.
Parsing —“Miss Sally, yo seem to be
ignorant in georgraphy; I will examine you
in grammar. Take the sentence, “mar
riage is a civil contract.” ‘Parse marriage’
‘Marriage is a noun because it is a name,
and though Shakespeare asks what’s in a
name, and says that a rose by any other
would smell as sweet; yet marriage being
a noun, and therefore a name shows that
the rule established by the Bard of Avon
has at least oue exception. For marriage
certainly is of very great importance, and
being a noun, and therefore a name, ergo,
there is something in a name.” “Good !
Welt, what is the case of marriage?’ ‘Don’t
know sir.’ “Decline it, and see.” “Don’t
feel at liberty to decline marriage after hav
ing made Mr. Jones the promise I have,
I’d rather conjugate.”
Wealth of Connecticut People.—It is
computed that the amount of money loaned
by the people of Connecticut but of their
own State, is above ten millions of dollars,
and it is supposed that in proportion to pop
ulation, Connecticut is the most solvent
State in the Uniou. This solvency comes
from the saving propensities of the people,
of whom it has been often said that a six
pence appears as large as a dollar. Not
withstanding this carefulness, we give our
ministers and our missionaries more than
any other State in the Union.—New Haven
Journal.
Punch gives the following directions for
travellers on the road to riches:
Let your own business alone and attend
to everybody else’s; buy whatever you fan
cy, whether you want it or not; let your
principal employment consist in recreation;
if misfortune befall you, never retrench, 1
The late Col. S , so well known for
his Patagonian size and burley deportment
being once importuned by a diminutive tai
lor for paymeutof a bill, petulantly exclaim
ed :
“If you were not such a little reptile, I’d
kick you down stairs.”
“Little reptile !” remonstrated the dun,
“and what if I am ? Recollect Colonel, that
we can’t all be great brutes 1”
“Did you mean to jostle me, sir!” said
Count Whiskerandos, turning around with
an air of intense ferocity, upon a square man
with spectacles.
“Certainly, sir, I did it intentioually ; n
was the reply
“Very well, sir; it is lucky you did it on
purpose, I should have resented such care
lessness ;” and the Count twirled his mous
taches, and stalked on as if ‘his next step
would arrest the world.”
A short time siilce, there was a fancy ball
at Washington, and two young ladies, with
a conductor, presented themselves (not in
costume) at the entrance.
“Your characters ?” asked the usher, in a
whisper.
“We do not appear in costume to night f”
6aid the two. lac ies.
“Two ladies without any characters I”
bawled out the usher in, at the top of hia
voice.
The widow Grizzle, whose remarkable
conjugal affections were chronicled some
months since, had an only sister. That sis
ter is now a widow also. Her lord died
lately of cholic. In the midst of his moat
acute bodily pain after the hand of death
had touched him, and while writhing in
agony, his gentle wife said to him, “Mr.
Sehlook, you needn’t kick around 60 and
wear the sheet all out if you are a dying.”
Mr. Snigsbee, you said the defendant
was in love; how do you know that?” ‘He
reads novels upside down, and writes poe
try in the day book, when it should be
cheese.” ‘Any other reason?’ “Yes sir,
he shaves without lather, and very fre
quently mistakes the sleeves of his coat for
the legs of his pantaloons; an error that he
don’t discover till he tries to fasten the tails
to his suspeudera.” ‘A clear case—call
the next witness.
A fine little girl, a particular friend o
ours; was watching Intently the manoeuvres
of an urchin with a tiny wheelbarrow, and
thought aloud, supposing herself unheard,,
as follows:
“Ob, dear,’ said she, ‘I don’t see why I
ain’t a litMe boy ! I wish I was a little boy
I don’t care ! I think he might let me take
his ’heelbarrow, no matter I are a little girl!’
She owns a ‘ ’heelbarrow’ now.— Clev. Her
aid. •
A Wonderful Cow.—Mr. David Banks,
of Hemmaville, Illinois, writes to the Far
mer’s Repository that he has a cow that
bore eleven calves within three years. He
says that in 1849 she calved four, in 1850
two, in 1851 three, and last year (1852)
she calved two again. All these calves
were raised except two of the four latter.—■
Wonderful cow, that.
Good Logic.—“Brudder Bones, can you
tell me de difference twene dieing and diet
ing ?” “Why, ob corse I can, Samuel.
When you diet you lib on noffin, and when
you die you hab noffin to lib on.” “Well,
dat’s different from what I tort it wus. I
tort it was a race atwene de doctorin stuff
and starvation, to see which would kill fust.”
“Will you take the life of Scott or Pierce
this morning, Madam ?” said Fitzgerald’s
news-boy to good aunt Betsy, one day be
fore the election. “No, my lad,” she re
plied, “they may live until the end of their
days for all me. I’ve got nothing agia
’em.”
“Madam.” said a cross tempered physi
cian to a patient, “if women were admitted
into paradise, their tongues would make it
purgatory.” “And some physicians, if al
lowed to practice there,” replied the lady,
“would make it a desert.”
Mr. Weller, in Pickwick, says of his sot*
“Saraivel”—“I took a great deal of pains
with his eddication 4 sir ; let him run in the
streets when he was very young, and shijf
for himself. It is the only way to make a
bov sharp, sir.” Many parents now are of
his opinion.
An old bachelor says women are so fond
of appearance that if you could make theia
believe that there are no looking glasses inc
heaven, they would set no more value on
salvation than they do on a poor relative.
Prodigals may be compared to fig tree*
growing on a precipice,^ whose fruit, men
taste not; but cows and vultures devour.
How do you get on with your arithmetic
. -m and catechism ?” asked a father ol his little
but go on in the hope that something wHl ^ ^ . r „, ciphcrcd through
turnup; have none of your bl 1 addition, subtraction, justification, aanctifi-
all your affairs to the Iellow *
mortar, and leave.
management of your lawyer.
Sam, how do you like that knife I »ol4
you last week ? “So, so. It i» not ter7
and calorics. By and by he cut up telum-
grapb. How be work ? Work! why dis
ting go up, ‘tudder ting go down, k’wollop
k’chuch, k’wollop, so fashion, dar you see ?’
Distress.--The contemplation of distress sharp, ye t you managed to shave mj wit*
softens the mind of man, and makes the ■ jt^” wm the reply.
heart better. It extinguishes the seeds of; 77 ,
envy and ill-will towards mankind, corrects! “You are writing my bill ou very rough
the pride of prosperity, and beats down all ! paper,” said a client; to bis attorney. *Nerr-
that insolence which is apt to get iu the er mind,” said the lawyer, “it has to befits^
that insolence
minds of the fortuaate.
! befor* it eomss into court.