Newspaper Page Text
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^S^TiSKSSSSf^
BY S. B. CRAFTON.
SANDERSYILLE, GEORGIA, TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 1853.
VOL. VII—NO. 13
THE CENTRAL GEORGIAN
18 PUBLISHED
EVER Y TUESDAY MORNING,
TERMS :
If paid strictly in advance, per year, $1 50
If not paid at the time of subscribing, $2 00
These TERMS WILL BE STRICTLY adhered
TO WITHOUT RESPECT TO PERSONS, AND ALL
SUBSCRIPTIONS WILL BE REQUIRED TO BE SET
TLED UP EVERY YEAR.
Professional and Business Cards,
B Zi. PRESCOTT
Attorney at law,
Halcyondale, Scriven co., Georgia
WILL give his whole attention to the
practice of Law in all its branches.
July 12, 1853.24—6m
* BEVERLY D. EVAWS,
ATTORNEY at law,
Sandersville, Georgia.
WILL practice in the counties of Wash
ington Burke, Jefferson, Scriven, Emanuel
Laurens, Wilkinson and Hancock.
(Office in Court House on Lower Floor.)
Feb. 1, 1853. 1—ly
wTl hollifTeld,
SURGEON DENTIST.
SANDERSVILLE, GEORGIA
may 10, 1852. 16—tf
Dr. William L. Jernigan,
a HAVING permanently located him
self in Sandersville, respectfully offers
.rm. his professional services to the citizens
of tlie Village, and county. When not oth
erwise engaged he may be found at his Olhee
at all times.
Sandersville, March 8, 1853. 6—ly
JAMSS S. HOOK,
attorney at law,
Sandersville, Georgia.
WILL PRACTICE IN THE COUNTIES OF
. . •.) Washington, Burke, Scriven
Middle-circuit. ^ j e flf ersou and Emanuel.
Southern Circuit. \' - - - - Laurens.
Ocmulgee Circuit 1 - - - - Wilkinson
[Office next door to Wartheifs store.]
jari. 1, 1852. 51—ly
JNO.W. RUDXSILL.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Sandersville Georgia.
Jan. 25, 1853 52—lv
R. L. WARTHEN.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Sandersville, Georgia.
fcb. 17, 1853. 4—ly
I. H. SAFFOLD, JR.
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLER AT LAW,
Sandersville, Georgia.
Will practice in the counties of Wash-
igton, Montgomery, Tatnall Emanuel and
sfferson of the Middle Circuit, also the
Dunties of Telfair and Irwin of the South-
rn Circuit. Office in Sandersville.
February 22, 18 4 tf
Z> G R A Y ■
WATCH MAKER, AND JEWELER,
Sandersville, Georgia.
May 10, 1853 l5 ~b r
XVXULFORD MARSH;
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLER AT LAW,
Office, 175, Bay street, Savannah, Ga.
feb. 22, 1853.
4—ly
DR B.D. SKEITH,
Swainsboro, Ga.
Has permanently located at this place, and
11 attend Professional calls.
aug 30,1853 31 ~”
R. L. FULTON,
ictor and Commission Merchant,
No. 71, Bay Street, Savannah, Ga.
Feb. 15, 1853. 3—ly
IPOIlTPIElf
BSHN & FOSTER.
actors and Commission Merchants
Savannah,Ga.
r.H. BEHN,] [JOHN FOSTER,
feb. 22,1853. 4 ~-ly
THU COQUETISH WIDOW.
BY ALICE CAREY.
She waited in the drawing room,
The Widow Mabel Moore;
Six flounces of a pretty lace
Were on the dress she -wore :
Upon her bosom a French rose,
And on her cap some satin bows.
One little foot just peeped without
Her petticoats so white;
Her hair, a little grey, ’tis true,
Was put in curl, and bright;
And sweet her glances shone around,
As if some good tiling she had found.
The clock was tn the stroke of eight,
And still she set apart,
Now listening close, and laying now
One hand upon her heart;
And toying with her curls and rings,
And§doing other girlish things.
At length a step was heard, and then
A ringing at the door;
“Five minutes and a half too soon,”
Said Mrs. Mabel Moore,
Then to her maid—“It is no sin,
Go quick, and say I am not in.
“For if he loves me as lie says,
He can afford to wait,
Aid come again precisely at
Five minutes after eight.
My nerves are really quite unstrung,
So very earnestly he rung.”
But true love never did run smooth,
As oftentimes is told,
And when the door was opened wide,
And shivering in the cold,
The maid beheld the expected guest,
She smiled and curtesyed her best.
And told him with a grace so sweet
As if she craved a boon,
Her mistress had declared it was
A little bit too soon ;
And that she thought it was no sin
To send him word she was not in.
“Ay, very well,” the guest replied,
“In truth I make "no doubt
That whether she be in or no,
I’ve surely found her out.”
And she who sent him from the door
Rcmaineth Widow Mabel Moore.
II ©(SMIL LAKY*
s B CRAFTOM.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Sandersville, Georgia.
Will also attend the Courts of Emanu
urens, and Jefferson, should business be ent
istedto his care, in either of those countie>
feb. 1L 4—tf
J, B HAYNE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Scarborough, Georgia.
Will atteud promptly to all business en
trusted to his care in any of the Courts of the
Middle or Eastern counties.
March 14, 7—ly
M. 6L R IME JOHNSTON,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Sparta, Georgia.
"Will practice in Hancock and the ad-
>ining counties, and the Supreme Court.
MARK JOHNSTON, j R. M. JOHNSTONE
March 22, 1853.8—tf
JOHN SMALLERY.
Draper and Tailor.
Dealer in Ready-Made Clothing andGentle-
n en’efurnishing Goods. 155,"Bay street,
Savannah,Ga. Mgfig
feb. 22, 1853. 4~ly
- - i-i-.K ifU-. ■ ■. Ay
COL. ilEMVYS HISTORY.
[Anno 1831.—Andrew Jackson, President.]
Military Academy.—The small militfly
establishment of the U. States seemed to be
almost in a state of dissolution about this
lime, from, the frequency of desertions, and
the wisdom of Congress was taxed to find a
remedy for the evil. It could devise no
other than an increase of pay to the rank
and file and non-commissioned officers;
which, upon trial was found to answer but
little purpose. Mr. Macon, from bis home
in North Carolina, having his attention di
rected to the subject by the debates in Con
gress, wrote me a letter, in which he laid
his finger upon the true cause of these de
sertions, and of course showed what should
be the true remedy. He wrote thus:
“Why does the army, of late years, de
sert more than formerly ? Because the of
ficers have been brought up at West
Point and not among the people. Soldiers
desert because not attached to the service,
or not attached to their officers. West
Point cadets prevent the promotion of good
sergeants, and men cannot like a service
which denies them promotion, nor like offi
cers who get all the commissions. The in
crease of pay will not cure the evil, and
nothing but promotion will. In the revo
lutionary army, we had many distinguish
ed officers, who entered the army as pri
vates.”
This is wisdom, and besides carrying con
viction for the truth of all it says, it leads to
reflection upon the nature and effects of our
national military school, which extends be
yond the evil which was the cause of writ
ing it. Since the act of 1812, which placed
this institution upon its present footing, giv
ing its students a legal right to appoint
ments, (as construed and practised,) it may
be assumed that there is not a government
in Europe, and has been none since the com
mencement of the French revolution, (when
the nobles had pretty nearly a monopoly of
army appointments,) so unfriendly to the
rights of the people, and giving such undue
advantages to some parts of the community
over the rest. Officers can now rise from
the ranks in all the countries of Europe—
in Austria, Russia, Prussia, as well as in
Great Britain, of which they are constant
and illustrious examples. Twenty-three
marshals of the empire rose fiom the rauks
— among them Ney, Massena, Oudinot, Mu
rat, Souit, Bernadotte. In Great Britain,
notwithstanding her Royal Military College,
the largest part of the commissions are now
given to citizens in civil life, and to non
commissioned officers. A return lately
made to Parliament shows that in eighteen
years—from 1830 to 1847—the number of
citizens who received commissions, was 1,-
266 ; the number of non-commissioned of
ficers promoted, was 446 ; and the number
of cadets appointed .from the Royal Military
College was 473. These citizens’ appoint
ments were exclusive of thbse=who purchas
ed commissions—-another mode Tor' citizens
to get into the British army, and which
largely increases the number irf that class of
appointments—sales of commissions, with
the approbation of the government, being
there valid. But exclusive of purchased
commissions during the same period of
eighteen years, the number of citizens ap
pointed, and of non-commissioned officers
• ’’V'l-igy ' ’■
promoted, were, together, nearly four times j 1820. Then no one would wish to become
the number oi government cadets appoint- > cadet but he that had the soldier in him,
ed. Fiow, bow has it been in our service! and meant to stick to his profession, and
during anv equal number ot years, or all the j work his way up from the “pay, ration and
years since the Military Academy got into clothing of a sergeant” to the rank of field
full operation under the act of 1812>? I j officer or general. Struggles for West Point
coufine the inquiry to the period subsequent appointments would then cease, and the
to the war of 1812, for during that war
there were field and general officers in ser
vice who came from civil life and who pro
cured the promotion of many meritorious
non commissioned officers, the act not hav
ing at first been construed to exclude them.
How many ? Few, or none, of citizens ap
pointed, or non-commissioned officers pro
moted—only in new or temporary corps,
the others being held to belong to the gov
ernment cadets.
This rule of appointment (the graduates
of the academy to take all) may now be
onsidered the law of the land, so settled
by construction and senatorial acquiescence,
and consequently that no American citizen
is to enter the regular army except through
the gate of the United States Military Acad
emy ; and few can reach that gate except
through the weight of a family connection,
a political influence, or the instrumentality
of a friend at court. Genius in obscurity
has no chance ; and the whole tendency of
the institution is to make a governmental
and not a national army. Appointed cadet
by the President, nominated officer by him,
boys on the “Grampian Hills” would bave
their chance. This is the adequate remedy,
if that repeal cannot be bad, then asubor
dinate and haif-way remedy may be found
in giving to citizens and non-commissioned
officers a share of the commissions, equal to
what they get in the British service, and re
storing the Senate to its constitutional right
of rejecting as well as confirming cadet nom
inations.—JV. Y. Post.
An aid to Oratory.—A certain preacher,
whose calling confined him to the limits of
Kentucky, having preached in his parish
many years, of course got rather short of
eloquence. People had got used to him,
and used to sleeping and sleep they would,
to his great annoyance. At last he bit up
on an expedient, to bring ’em up all stand
ing, as the saying is. He procured a small
tin whistle which he took with him to the
pulpit, and after taking bis text and‘blazing
away,’ till his lungs were sore, and his hear
ers all coiufovlably dozing, nodding approv
al to each other, he suddenly drew it forth
and gave a shrill toot-a-too. In an instant
iromoted upon his nomination, holding ! the whole congregation were awake and up-
commission at his pleasure, receiving his or-; on their feet, staring at each other, and
ders as law, looking to him ns the fountain j wonderiug what in the name of pickles and
of honor, the source of preferment, and the I human nature (as Sam Slick says) was to
dispenser of iigreeable and profitable era-; come next.—“You’re a set of smart speci
mens of humanity, ain’t you?” said the di
vine whistler, as he slowly gazed round on
the astonished assemblage.
“When I preach the Gospel to you, you
all go to sleep, but the moment I go to play
the fool you’re wide awake, up and coming,
like a rush of hornets with a pole in their
nest.
ployment, these cadet officers must natural
ly feel themselves independent of the people
and dependent upon the President, and be
irresistibly led to acquire the habits and feel-
iugs, which, in all ages, have rendered reg
ular armies obnoxious to popular govern
ments. The instinctive sagacity of the peo
ple has long since comprehended all this,
and conceived aversion to the institution,
which lias manifested itself in many demon
strations against it—sometimes in Congress,
sometimes in the State Legislatures ; always
to be, and triumphantly met, by adducing
Washington as the father and founder of
the institution.
Col. Benton shows no adduction could be
more unfortunate, and he proceeds to show
that the Act of 1812 has done the mischief,
that it changes military training from the
camp to the school. lie says he was told
by an officer in the time of the Mexican war,
that of thirty-six cadets who had graduated
and been commissioned at the same time
with himself, there were only about half a
dozen then in service; so that this great
national establishment is mainly a school
for the gratuitous education of those who
have influence to get there. He contin
ues :—
These are vital objections to the institu
tion ; but they do not include the high
practical evil which the wisdom of Mr. Ma
con discerned, and with which this chapter
opened—namely, a. monopoly of the regu
lar army commissions for the graduates of
the academy. That is effected in the fourth
section, not openly and in direct terms, (for
that would have rendered the act unconsti
tutional on its face,) but by the use of words
which admit the construction and the prac
tice, and therefore make the law, which now
is the legal right of ihe cadet to receive a
commission who has received the academi
cal diploma for going through all the clas
ses. This gives to these cadefsa monopoly
of the offices, to the exclusion of the citi
zens and non-commissioned officers, and it
deprives the Senate of its constitutional right
in making these appointments. By a “reg
ulation” the academic professors are to re
commend, at each annual examination, five
cadets in each class, on account of their par
ticular merit, whom the President is to at-
tach-to companies. This expunges the Sen
ate, opens the door to that favoritism which
natural parents find it hard to repress a-
mong their own children, and which is pro
verbial among teachers. By the Constitu
tion, and for a great public purpose, and
not as a privilege of the body, the Senate is
to have an advising and consenting power
over the army appointments: by practice
and construction it is not the PresideDt and
the Senate, but the President and the acad
emy who appointed the officers. * *
The effect of this mode of appointment will
be to create a governmental instead of a na
tional army ; and the effect of this exclusion
of non-commissioned officers and privates
from promotion, will be to degrade the reg
ular soldier into a mercenary serving for
pay, without affection for a country which
dishonors him. Hence the desertions and
the co-relative evil of diminished enlist
ments on the part of the native born Amer
icans.
As now constituted, our academy is an
imitation of the European military schools, . , T1 -i
which create governmental and not nation- T A . "»88 ,sh of Eho J e
al officers—which make routme officers, but! Legislature, plumes himself on the “wise
cannot create military genios-espeeialiy: tohpoo,’ which, he says, has settled the
. c . i . T . ° ... 1 . r I liquor question in that State ; a compro
mise, to which both side are agreed, viz :
Gen. Jackson's Law Office.—It may not
be generally known among our distant rea
ders, that the office in which Gen. Jackson
read law in this town is still standing. It
is a small, fiame building,.and seems to have
been once painted red; but its color at pres
ent would be hard to describe. The hand
of Time is visible upon it. We visited it a
few days ago—it stands upon the lot of Na
thaniel Bovden, Esq., and in front of his
elegant dwelling. A stranger would won
der that it was permitted to remain—a de
caying and unsightly structure, in the midst
of taste and elegance; but there are associa
tions connected with it—be it said to the
honor of the proprietor—that preserves it
from the ruthless baud of progress. Its for
mer tenant, after a career among the most
brilliant in the annals of history, now moul
ders in the grave, leaving behind him a
name as lasting as time. From this hum
ble, insignificant office he went forth, rising
step by step, encircling his brow with fresh
laurels, and extending the circle of his fame
at every advance, until be at last reached
the proudest height, the most honored sta
tion in the world! Living, he was his coun
try’s pride; and dead, his memory is shrined
in every heart.—Knoxville Whig.
What Feeds the Vultures.—“Tell us,”
said the young vultures, “where man may
be found, and how he may be known; his
flesh is the most delicate food of a vulture.
Why have you never brought a man in your
talons to the nest?” “He is too bulky,”
said the mother; “when we find a man we
can only tear away his flesh, and leave his
bones upon the ground.” “Since man is
so big,” said the young ones, “how do - you
kill him?” “The vultures,” returned the
mother, “would seldom feast upon his flesh,
had not Nature, that devoted him to our
uses, infused into him a strange ferocity,
which I have never observed in any other
being that feeds upon the earth. Two hearas
of men will often meet and fill the air with
fire. When you hear noise and see fire,
witn flashes along the ground, hasten to the
place with your swiftest wing, for men are
surely destroying one another; you will then
find the ground smoking with blood, and
covered with carcasses, of which many are
dismembered and mangled for the conve
nience of the vultyre.”
The Norristown (Pa.) Watchman states
that the following lines were taken from a
toombstone, upon which there was no name,
in an old grave yard in Virginia:—
“My name—my country—what are they to
thee?
What, whether high or low my pedigree?
Perhaps I.far surpassed all other men—
Perhaps I fell behind them all—What then?
Suffice it, stranger, that thou see’&t a tomb—
Thou know’st its use—it hides, no matter
whom.”
barefooted genius, such as this country a-
bounds in, aud which the field alone can
develope. “My children,” the French gen
erals were accustomed to say to the young
conscripts during the revolution, “My chil
dren, there are some captains among you,
and, the first campaign will show who they
are, and they shall have their places.” And
such expressions, and the system in which
they are founded, have brought out. the rail- . - .
itary genius of the country in every age and j narae 1S OQ eveI T bodys tongue,
nation, aud produced such officers as the i . , . • , ,,
schools. cau never make. ! There is an editor m North Carolina, with
The adequate remedy for these evils, is! seven bullets in his body, received in duels
to repeal the act of 1812, aud remit the a . j'^andstreet encounters. His paper ought to
cademv to its condition in Washington’s be called the Bulletin, and contain all
time, and as enlarged by several acts up to j “leaded matter.
“The Temperance men have got the Maine,
Law, which is all they want, and every
body else has plenty of rum, which is all
they want.”
Why is Mr. Nesbit, the manufacturer of
the new Post-Office stamped envelopes, like
some distinguished man ? Because his
Romaace in Real Lite-
The London Times of alate date con
tains the following romance :
“Some few years since a young Belgian
lady, fresh from her convent education, ap
peared in society, captivated a young fellow
couutryman with well oiled hair and patent
leather boots, and, after an acquaintance ot
a few weeks, married him. The happy
pair sojourned, as is often the custom a-
broad, with father and mother of the lady.
The young wife was a gay lady, and her
husband was quite as gay a lord. At every
ball and party in the capital they were
present, aud, as married ladies are especial
ly selected by the continental gentlemeu
for what they call ‘adoration,’ the young
wife, although she got no more ot it than
she liked, was honored with considerable
more-lhan pleased her husband. The lat
ter remonstrated—the lady rebelled—and
‘my wife’s mother,’ ut solent niatroce, sup
ported her daughter. The husband settled
the matter by putting on his hat and re
tiring to his paternal mansion. The mari
tal feud was now intense ; the conjugal cou
ple were only of the same mind touching
one single subject, application to the tribu
nals for a divorce. This was done; but
the Belgian law will allow of no such an
nulling of marriage contract until the an
gry parties have renewed their demand
for a divorce once every year for three
years. Our young couple nourished their
wrath during this triennial period of proba
iton, ibrice made the demand, and were du
ly summoned last year to hear consent
given that they who had been one should
henceforth and for ever remain two. From
different sides of the court the married pair
witnessed, the untying of the knot, and
wheu they were free they passed out at the
common portal into the public street. Ap
proximation fixed friendship, and the gen
tleman offered his hand to the lady in to-
k u that there was no longer malice be
tween them. Friendship had no sooner
lit his torch than he illumined the slumber
ing cinders ou the chilled altar of love, and
the young couple walked together to their
first married home, whence the husband has
never since permanently withdrawn.”
The Old Brou n Jug.
Jonas Ricks, of Portland, was empbati
callv a good old fellow, but he had a weak
ness. It could hot be said to be a love of
gain, for his heart was free and his hand
could never remain long.closed over a six
pence. Neither was it the Jove of woman,
or Neal Dow; for at forty he was still a bach
elor, and the originator of the liquor law
he regarded with as pure a hatred as he did
the law itself It was a predilection, and a
strange one, for an old brown jug which was
always well filled with Otard.
One night, meeting with some “kindred
spirits,” he got his ideas so completely ele
vated that he was totaily unable to “tread
the vile earth,” and at length, while attempt
ing to balance matters and find hig way
home, he piclhed into a very quiet looking
individual, who perceiving his situation,
kindly assisted him to his apartment in the
hotel where Jonas boarded Being a watch
man and a rigid liquor-law rnan, upon dis
covering the old brown jug conspicuous up
on a table, he raised his club to demolish it.
But Jonas seized his uplifted arm, and thus
addressed him:
“Watchman, spare that jug. Touch not
a single drop. It served me a many a tug,
and I will be its prop. ’Twasmy forefath
er’s hand that placed it in his cot. There,
watchman, let it stand—thy club shall harm
it not. That old familiar jug whose credit
and renown are known to many a mug, and
wouldst thou smash it down? Watchman,
forbear thy blow. Break not its earth-
brown clay, nor make the liquor flow; but
let that old jug stay.”
The watchman could not stand so power
ful an appeal, and after leaving a pamphlet
of the Maine Liquor Law, which Jonas used
next day for shaving papers, he took his
departure.
The Newspaper.
How lonesome the fireside where there
is no newspaper? Ask the man who has
had a family paper to read during the long
winter evenings; who has been accustomed
to entertaining his wife, while she busied
herself with her household duties, with the
stirring news, the good stories, the useful
lessons, and the witty sayings of the news
paper—ask him its value. Let him be de
prived of it for a few weeks, and then ask
him to put an estimate upon it. Will he
say that two or three dollars are too much?
No, no; he will esteem it one of his greatest
treasures, and value it accordingly.
We were led to these reflections the other
day, by an industrious laboring man, who
called at our office to subscribe for a paper.
Said he, “I was taking it, but times were
Lard, and I paid up and quit; and I find I
can’t get along, without it. I have not the
money to pay now, and 1 have called to see
if I could get it on a credit till fall; for I
must have it on some terms—I would not
be without it for ten dollars.”
Of course we placed his name on our list
with great cheerfulness. Such men are the
best subscribers in the world, except those
who pay down. They will always pay by
the time it falls due.
Every family ought to have a paper; it is
a duty they owe to their children, if nothing
else. Who wishes their ^children to grpw
up in perfect ignorance, in order to save the
price of a newspaper?—Atlanta Repub.
He who knows how to speak, knows al
so when to be silent.
Is Religion Reautiful.
Always in the child, the maiden, the wife
the mother, religion shines with a holy*
benignant beauty of his own, which noth
ing of earth can mar. Never yet was the
female character perfect without the steady
face of piety. Beauty, intellect, wealth j
they are like pitfalls unless the divine light,
unless religion throw her soft beams around
them, to purify aud exalt, making twice
glorious that which seemed all loveliness
before. ‘ Wi
Religion is very beautiful—in health or
sickness, in wealth or poverty. We never
enter the sick chamber of the good 4 but soft
music seems to float on the air, and the
burden of their songis, “Lo, peace is here.” '
Could we look into thousands of families
to day, where discontent sits fighting sul
lenly with life, we should find the chief
cause of unhappiness, want of religion in
woman.
And in the felon’s cell, in places of crime
misery, destitution, ignorance, we should
behold, in all its most horrible deformity,
the fruit of irreligion in woman.
O, religion, benignant majesty, high on
thy throne thou sittist, glorious and exalt
ed. Not above the clouds, for earth’s clouds
come never between thee and the truly pi
ous soul—not beneath the clouds, for above
thee is heaven, opening through a broad
vLta of exceeding beauty.
Its gates iu the splendor of jasper aud
precious stones, with a dewy liglft and
neither flashes nor blazes, but steadily pro
ceeded from the throne of God. Its tow
er, bathed in refulgent glory ten times the
brightness of ten thonsand suns, yet soft,
undazzling to the eve.
And there religion points. Art- tbou
weary ? it whispers, “rest, up there, forev
er. Art thou weighed down with unremit
ted ignomy ? “kings and priests are in that
holy home.” 'Art thou poor? “the very
street be'fure thv mansion shall be gold.”
Art thou friendless ? “the atigels shall be
thv companions, and God thy friend and
father.”
Is religion beatiful ? We answer, all is
desolation and deformity where religion if- -
not.
The way the Doctors do It.
(Scene, a doctor’s office; enter a patient.).
Patient—Doctor, as I was going down
street this morning,.I slipped and sprained
my ancle. What’s to be done?
Doctor—Let me see it, sir; ah, very bad.
You have injured the delfincte bone; if you
are not careful you’ll have the epereraus
fiuvetordy; let me see, yoti must take a dose
of gleuinler incouclen, four biue pills, one
clamantis deseltu, and then we’ll apply a
dosortover plaster, and cure you up in no
Time!
Patient—I will follow every word of your
iidvice. What’s your fee?
Doctor—Never open my mouth at less
than fitv dollars. Have opened it several
times; no matter, won’t charge you much;
medicine and all will be seventv-fiv6 dollars.
(Patient pays the little charge, gets angry
and marches oft’ regardless of his ankle,
which he finds entirely cured before he gets
lo the door. Doctor executes a hornpipe
on the strength of the afternoon’s work.)—
N. Y. Pick,
The quickest way to restore a wife to
health, is to let death step in and take away
a husband. In less than a mouth after a
woman becomes a widow, she performs feats
that would have really astonished the dear
departed. While Jones was above the sod,
the female Jones could not “lug a buuch of
radishes” upstairs, without causing a de
mand for hysterics and assafoedida pills; and
yet Jones was not “run into the ground” a
week, before we met Mrs. J. toting home
three pecks of potatoes, a quarter of mutton,
and a shilling’s worth of cabbage. Great
invention, that death! For curing “a poor
weak thing” of hypo and indigestion, we
know of nothing to equal to it.
“Pa, Pa, what makes mother kiss you so
much?”
“Why, it is because she loves me, my
little daughter/’
“Well, then, I guess she loves the Doc
tor, too, for she kissed him a heap of times
when he was here to see Jim the other day!
“Jim 1” said one fast man yesterday to
another, “it is reported that you left the
east on account of your belief, au itinerant
martyr.’ 4
“How,” replied Jim, flattered by the re
mark, “how’s that?”
“Why, a police officer told me that you
believed everything you saw belonged to
you, and as the public didn’t, you left.”
Well, you may say what you please a-
bout Captain Sickle’s meanness, there’s one
thing I know, and that is he saved my life
three times at the battle of Cbepultepec.
‘*HoW 60 ?”
“Why every time he ran away I follow
ed him.”
“Sister are you happy ?”
“Yes, deacon, I feel as though I was iu
Belzebub’s bosom.”
‘‘Not Belzebub’s.”
“Well, some of the patriarchs, I don’t
care which.”
The substance of the verdict of a recen^
coroner’s jury, on a man who had died In
state of inebriation, was : “Death by
hanging—round a rum-shop.”
-: —
“I have a good ear, a wonderful ear, said '
a conceited musician, in the course of‘'edn^
versation.
“So has a jackass,” replied a bystander
