Newspaper Page Text
€jjt JQrWif !lanma!,
IS WEEKLY
—A T—
THOMSON. Q-A.,
—B Y—
GERALD &, WHITE.
BUSINESS C ARDS.
M. M* SCK.YEt&E®,
IMPORTER AND DEADER IN
WINES, ALES,
LIQUORS, pORTERS,
Cigars, Etc*.
Corner Broad and •Taolc
son Street,
AUGUSTA, GA.
Muy 7. ts
PAUL C. HUDSON)
ATTOHNRY AT LAW,
Thom-on, <■».
C3" Prompt attention given to all busi
ness entrusted to his care.
March 12. fim
PALME R HOUSE .
(Over Bignon A Cramp’s Auction Store,)
384 Broad Street, Augusta, Georgia.
J. J. PALMER, Proprietor.
Good hoard furnished by the week, month
or day.
April 9 3m _
R, W. H, NEAL,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
THOMSON, GA.
OrriCE.—Over J. H. Montgomery’s Store.
CHARLES S, DuBOSE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
WARReNTON, GA.
iyy- Will practice in the courts of the
Northern, Middle and Augusta Circuits.
H. C. RONEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
THOMSON, GA.
«dT Will practice in the Augusta. North
ern and Middle Circuits. nolyl
WALTON CLARKE & CO.
Wholesale Grocers
Commission Merchants,
IVo :tOSJ. liroml Street,
Jan. 22, —ly. AUGUSTA, GA.
A. D, HILL,
Druggist and Apothecary,
THOMSON, GA .
Keeps constantly on hand a full and com
plete supply of Drugs. Medicines. Chemicals,
Paints, Oils, Varuishes. Glass. Putty, Pure
Wines and I.iquors for Medicinal purposes.
Kerosene Oil of I'.o fire test; also Lamps,
Chimnies and Burnes.
ALSO, Just roeeived a fresh supply of
Buists Warranted Garden Seeds.
Prescriptions carefully compounded.
jail l") mO
Thomson High School
jpon no vs ./.*’/> tunes.
—o
N. A. LEWIS, Principal.
MISS E. F. BRADSHAW, Assistant.
The Spring Term began on the ir.th of
Jan. 1873, and embraces six scholastic
months.
The Fall Term begins August 11th and
embraces four months.
For particulars apply to the Principal.;
Feb. 12 ts.
Central Dote!,
BY
MRS. W. M. THOMAS,
AUGUSTA. GEORGIA
ROplltf
Plumb & Leitner,
211 BROAD STREET, AUGUSTA, GA.
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN
Drugs and Medicines,
Oils, Glass,
Brusites, Perfumery,
Fresh Garden Seeds &c.
AGENTS FOR THE CELEBRATED
W A H 14 10 IV II O 10 .
March 26 3m
The Oldest Piano Establish ment in Georgia
Established in Charleston in 1838.
Established in Augusta in 1848.
Goorgo A> Oats,
DEALER IN
PIANOFORTES, CABINET ORGANS
BOOKS,
Music and Stationery,
240 Broad Street, Angusta, Georgia.
Sole agent for
STEINWAY & SON, NEW YORK,
AND FOB
CHARLES M.STEIFF, OF BALTIMORE
Celebrated I^ianos.
Also a variety of other makes.
A LSO sole Agent for
t. A.’PRINCE & CO’S., and ESTEY’S
CELEBRATED CABINET ORGANS,
All of which are warranted for five years.
CiT AU Pianos sold, delivered at the
nearest railroad depot, and the putting-np
superintended if necessary.
CtT Descriptive Catalogues sent oil ap
plication: and references given,
*HT For sale for Cash or City Acceptance.
May 7, 3i»,
(The |ttclhitfic (iileelttn Journal.
VOLUME III—NUMBER 27.
fIECULATORJ
For over FORT T YEARS tliis
Purely Vegetable
LIVER MEDICINE has proved to bo the i
Great Unfailing Specific
for Liver Complaint and its painful off- !
spring, DYSPEPSIA, CONSTIPATION, !
Jaundice. Bilious attacks, SICK HEAD- !
ACHE, Colic, Depression of Spirits, SOUK
STOMACH, Heartburn, CHILLS AND
FEVER, &c., ic
After years of careful experiments, to meet
a great and urgent demand, we now produce
from our original Genuine Powders.
The Prepared.
A Liquid form of SIMMONS’LIVER REGU
LATOR, containing oil its wonderful and
valuable properties, and offer it in
ne Dollar Bottles.
The Powders, (price as before,) SIOO per
package. Sent by mail, 1.04
CAUTION ! .jja
Buy no Powders or PUEI’aUED SIM
MONS’ Ll\ ER REGULATOR, unless in
our engraved wrapper, with Trade mark,
Stamp and Signature unbroken. None
other is genuine.
J. H. ZEILIN & CO.,
MACON, GA. AND PHILADELPHIA.
SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
BRUMMEL’S
LADIES’ BITTERS,
Manufactured toy
282 BROAD 8T„ AUGUSTA, GA.
Rectifiers, ltedistillers, Importer and
Wholesale Dealers in
PURI! E¥E
AND
Corn Whiskies.
FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC LIQUO S,
Braudies,
Wines,
Gin,
Rum,
Porter,
Ale.
Etc.
Also a Superior Article of
LADIES’ BITTERS,
CsT Tobacco and Segiirn of every variety.
January 29, 1873 Jin.
T
AHE Guide is published Quarterly.—
25 cents pays for the year, which is not half
the cost, those who afterwards send mon
ey to the amount of one dollar may also or
der 25 cents worth extra—the price for the
Guide. The first number is beautiful, giv
ing plans for making Rnral Homes, Dining
Table Decorations, Window Gardens, Ac.,
and a mass of information invaluable to the
lover of flowers. 150 pages on fine tintedpa
per some 500 engravings, and a superb col
ored plate, and < hromo Cover.
"The first edition of 200,000 printed in Eng
lish and Gerrnrn.
JAMES VICK, Rochester, N. Y.
March 12
Fine Work.
T
X HE undersigned is prepared to do all kinds
HOUSE AND SIGN PAINTING,
Paper Hanging:
A TV J»
in the very highest style of the art, with
pro mptness Address or call on me at
Thomson. Ga. F. J, BRIDHAM,
March 26 Vm
Livery & Sale Stable
BPEIR & EMBREE.
At the old stand on Main Street, above
Masonic Hall, Thomson, Ga., propose to
continue the business of a Livery and Sale
Stable. They will keep a good assortment
of Fancy a-d Substantial Stock, and the
very best Vehicles. ’ heir Stables are com
modious, convenient and secure, where
drovers can obtain the best accommodations,
Jnd by giving their personl attentien to the
ausiuess, at all hours, day and night, will
buarrantee satisfaction.
Jan. 8. Gm fePEIIi A EMBR EE,
pvo.lc for n«ln r.-ir'fcjfarß moments or all C.r tim«s than «t nnytiiiHj
fareicuraufico. Xdd.Lfcßo.tt!asua*C u .,roit!an-J,»U!ue. ,
THOMSON, McDUFFIE COUNTY, GA., JULY 2, 1873.
POETICAL.
[From the Atlanta Herald.]
The Fanner.
The following poem, as will be guessed
from the initials, was written by a leading
lawyer in this city. It is a very tine little
thing and full of poetic fire. Colonel B.
should w rite more and ofteuer :
Respectfully and affectionately dedicated,
with their own permission, to those eminent
agirculturalist, L. J. G., I. F. A., H. L. W.,
and I. D. W.
The farmer, bo he poor or rich,
As high as prince, or low as peasant
His calling still is one in which,
Poetic themes are ever present.
Yet strangely does the farmer deal
With forms of rare poetic beauty ;
Their high enchantment not to feel
He deems a kind of rustic duty,
Sun, sky and cloud,frost wind and rain,
In one brief word he groups together—
Their worth to cotton, grass and grain
Is all included in the — Weather !
The season which to most impart
A hint for smiling, or for weeping
Awake no passion in his heart.
Except for planting, tilling, reaping,
Diurnal changes—night and day
So rich to sight and contemplation—
Pass him. unheeded, save to sway
His meals ami rest and occupation.
The very crops he loves to rear—
Poetic essence fills their being—
The stem, the leaf, the bloom, the ear,
All teem with beauty past his seeing
Ah ! nubia is the farmer’s toil!
His fruit a princeless boon and bless
ing;
But what he gathers from the soil.
Is not most worthy of possessing.
A subtle beauty, sweet and far.
Which nothing can subdue o: shatter,
Forever floats on earth and air
And clings to every shape of matter.
This beauty conrts the farmer’s eyes.
He spends his life, to it the nearest
And all ho wants to make him wise,
Is but to see and hold it dearest.
June , 1873. L. E. B.
Lava-Linden.
In Klamath, when the sun was low,
The lava beds held Mr. Lo,
Who dared to fight and wouldn’t go
For all the poace commissioners.
In truth it was a gallant sight,
To see three thousand men of might.
With guns and cannons, day and night,
Fight fifty dirty Indians.
For every foot of lava bed
They throw a pound of hissing lead,
A ton for every Modoc dead,
In three weeks roaring batteries.
Fire. Gillem, all the cannons brave.
Till Scar-Faced Charley in his cave
And < apt. Jack shall find a grave,
With all his bloody chivalry.
We’ll bless*you when you’ve killed them
all
The men and women, great and small,
And not a babe is left to squall,
Its hatred of our vic ory.
For this is freedom’s chosen land,
The heritage of all that’s grand,
Aud the millenium’H at hand,
With a few more scalps for cinctury.
-
SEL ECT MISCELL A NY.
NOT ATJELOME.
BY T. H. ABTHCR.
JonftH Bebee has one merit, if lie pos
sess no other, and that is the merit, of
being able to make himself completely
at homo with all Iris friends, male or
female, high or low, rich or poor, under
any and all circumstances. His good
opinion of himself leaves no room for
his imagination to conceive the idea that
possibly there may be, in his character,
certain peculiarities not agreable to all.
It never occurs that he may chance to
make a rnalappropos visit nor that the
prolongation of a call may be a serious
annoyance ; for lie is so entirely satisfied
with himself that he is sm-e every one
else must feel his presence as a kind of
sunshine.
Os course, such being the character of
Mr. Bebee, it may readily be inferred
that he is very likely to commit an oc
casional mistake, and blunder, though
unconsciously, into the commission of
acts most terribly annoying to others.—
His evening calls upon ladies generally
produce a marked effect upon those
specially selected for the favor. The
character of the effect will appear in the
following little scene, which we briefly
sketch :
“Gentlemen in the parlor,” says a ser
vant, ooming into a room where two or
three ladies sit sewing or reading.
“Who is he ?” is the natural inquiry.
“Mr, Bebee,”
“Goodness!”
“Say we arc not at home, Kitty,”
“No, no, Kitty, you mustn’t say that,”
interposes one. “Tell him the Indies
will be down iu a little while.”
Kitty accordingly retires.
“I’m not going down,” says one, more
self-willed and independent than the
rest.
“You'ro as much right to be annoyed
with him as we have,” is replied to this.
“I don't care.”
“I wish he’d stay away from here.—
Nobody wants him.”
“He’s after you, Aggy.”
“After me!” replied Agnes, “Good
ness knows I don’t want him. I hate
the very sight of him !”
“It's no use fretting ourselves over the
| annoyance, we’ye got to endure it,” says
one of the young ladies. “So coma,
! let's put on the best face possible.”
“You can go, Cara, if you choose, but
I’m in no hurry ; nor will ho be in any
haste to go. Say to him that I’ll be along
in the course of half an hour.”
“No, you must all make your own
apologies.”
In the mean time Mr. Bebee patiently
awaits the arrival of the ladies,who make
their appearance, one after the other,
somtime during the next half hour.—
He compliments them, asks them to sing
aud play, and leads the conversation un
til towards eleveu o’clock, when he re
tires in the best possible humor with
himself and the interesting young ladies
favored with his presence. He has not
even a distant suspicion of the real truth,
that his visit was considered an almost
unendurable infliction.
Mr. Bebee’s morning calls are often
more unwelcome. He walks in, as a
matter of course, takes his seat in the
parlor, and sends up his name by the
servant. If told that the lady is not at
home, a suspicion that it may not be so
does not cross his mind ; for he cannot
imagine it possible that any one would
make such an excuse iu order to avoid
seeing him. Should the lady not be
willing to utter an untruth, nor feel in
dependent enough to send word that she
is engaged, an hour’s waste of time, at
least, must be her penalty; for Mr.
Bebeo’s morning calls are never of
Bhorter duration. He knows, as well as
any one, that visits of politeness should
be brief ; but he is on such familiar
terms with all his friends, that he can
waive ceremony—and he generally does
so, making himself “at home,” as he
says, wherever he goes.
One day Mr. Jonas Bebee recollected
that he had not called upon a certain
Mrs. Fairview for some weeks ; aud as
the lady was liko most of his acquaintan
ces, a particular friend, he felt that he
was neglecting her. So he started forth
to make her a call.
It was Saturday, and Mrs. Fairview
after having been the greater part of the
morning in the kitchen making cake
came up to the parlor to dust and re-ar
range some of the articles there a little
more to her liking. Her hair was in pa
pers, and her morning wrapper not in a
very elegant condition, having suffered a
little during the cake-making process.—
It was twelve o’clock, and Mrs. Fairview
was leaving the parlor, when someone
rung the bell. Gliding noiselessly to the
window, she obtained a view of Mr. Be
bee.
“O dear !” slie sighed, “am I to have
Ibis infliction to-day? But it’s no use;
I won’t see him!”
By this time the servant was moving
along the passage towards the door.
“Hannah!” called the lady in a whis
per, beckoning at- the same time with hor
hand.
“Say I’m not at home Hannah. ”
“Yess ma’am,” replied the girl, who
proceeded on towards the street door,
wide Mrs. Fairveiw remained in the par
lor.
“Is Mrs. Fairview in?” the latter
heard the visitor ask.
“No, sir,” replied Hannah,
"Not in ?”
“No, sir. She's gone out. ”
By this time Mr. Bebee stood within
the vestibule.
“0, well ; I reckon I’ll just drop in
and wait awhile. No doubt she'll he
home soon.”
“I don’t think she will rotum before
two o’clock, said Hannah, knowing that
her mistress, looking more like a scare
crow than a genteel lady, was still in the
parlor, and seeing the visitor was dis
posed to pass her by and make himself
a temporary occupant of the same room.
“No matter,” returned the gentleman,
“I’ll just step in for a little while and enj
joy myself by the parlor fire. It’s a bit
ter cold day—perhaps she will be home
soon. ”
“O no sir. She told me that she
would not come back until dinner time,”
said the anxious Hannah, who fully ap
preniated the dilemma in which her mis
tress would find herself should Mr. Be
bee make his way into the parlor.
“It’s no consequence. You can just
say to her, if she does not return while
I am here, that I called aud made myself
at home for half and hour or so.” And
with this, Mr. Bebee passed by the girl
and made his way towards the parlor.
In despair, Hannah ran back to her
place in the kitchen, wondering what her
mistress would say or do when Mr. Be
bee found that she was at home—and,
moreover, in such a plight.
In the meantime, Mrs. F*irview,
who had been eagerly listening to what
passed between Hannah and the visitor,
finding that he was about invading her
parlor, and seeing no way of escape, re
treated into a little room, or offloe, built
off from an communicating only with the
parlor. As she entered this room aud
shut the door the cold air penetrated her
garments and sent a chill through her
frame. There was no carpet on the floor
of this little box of a place, and it con
tained neither sofa, chair, nor anything
else to sit upon. Morover, it had but a
single door, and that one led into the
parlor. Escape, therefore, was cut off
entirely; and to remain long where she
was could not be done except at the risk
of taking a severe cold.
Through the openings in a Venetian
blind that was hung against the glass
TERMS-TWO DOLLARS IN' ADVANCE.
door, Mrs. Fairview saw the self
satisfied Mr. Bebee draw up the
large cushioned chair before the grate,
and with a book in his hand, seat him
self comfortably and begin to make him
self entirely “at home.” The prospect
was, that he would thus remain “at
home,” for at least the next half hour
if not longer. What was she to do ?
The thermometer was almost down to
zero, and she was dressed for a tempera
ture of seventy.
“I shall catch my death of cold,” she
sighed as the chilly air penetrated her
garments, and sent a shudder through
her frame.
Comfortably, and as much at home as
if he were iu his own parlor, sat Mr.
Bebee in front of the roaring grate,
rocking himself in the great arm-chair,
and enjoying a now book which he had
found upon the table.
As Mrs. Fairview looked, at him aßd
saw the dfemplete repose aud satisfaction
of his manner, she began to feel in utter
despair. Already her teeth were begin
ning to chatter, and she was shivering
as if attacked by a fit of ague. Five,
ten, fifteen, twenty minutes elapsed—
but there sat the visitor, deeply absorbed
in his book ; and there stood the unfort
unate lady who was “not at homo,” so
benumbed with cold as almost to have
lost the sense of bodily feeling. A cer
tain feeling in the throat warned her that
she was taking cold, and would, in all
probability, suffer from inflammation o.
the windpipe and chest. Five, ten, fif
teen minutes more went by, but Mr. Be
bee did not move from his place. He
was too comfortable to think of that.
At last, after remaining in prison for
nearly an hour, Mrs. Fairview, who, by
tliis time, was beginning to suffer, be
sides excessive fatigue, from a sharp
pain through her breast to her left
slioulderblado, aud who was painfully
aware that she hod taken a cold that
would, in all probability, put her in bed
for a week, determined to make her
escape at all hazards. Mr. Bebee show
ed no disposition to go, and might re
main for an hour longer. Throwing an
apron over her head and face she softly
opened the door, and gliding past her
visitor, escaped into the hall, aud ran
panting up stairs. Mr. Bebee raised his
head at this unexpected invasion of the
the parlor, but on reflection concluded
that the person who so suddenly appear
ed and disappeared was merely a servant
in the family.
About an hour afterwards, finding that
Mrs. Fairview did not return, Mr. Be
bee loft his card on the table and depart
ed in his usual comfortable state of mind.
Poor Mrs. Fairview paid dearly for
her part in this transaction. A severe
attack of inflammation of the lungs fol
lowed, which camo near resulting in
death. It was nearly three weeks beforo
she was able to leave her room, and then
her physician said that she must not ven
ture out before the mild weather of the
opening spring.
A few days after the lady was able to
go about the house again Mr. Bebee call
ed to congratulate her on her recovery.—
Two of hor children were in the parlor;
one eleven years old, and the other a
child in her fourth year.
“O, you naughty mau, you !” exclaim
tile latter, the moment she saw Mr. Be
bee. The oldest of the two childreu,
who understood in a moment what her
little sister meant, whispered:
“H-u-s-hl—h-u-s-h ! Mary!”
“What am I naughty about, my little
sis ?” said Mr. Bebee.
“O, because you are a naughty mau!
Yon made my mother sick, so you did !
And mother says she never wants to look
in your face again. You’re a naugty
man!”
“Mary ! Mary ! Husli! hush !” ex
claimed the elder sister, trying to stop
the child.
“Made your mother sick ?” said Mr.
Bebee. “How did Ido that?”
“Why yon, shut her up in that little
room there, all in the when you were
here and staid so long one day. And it
made her sick—so it did.”
“Shut her up in that room! What
does the child mean ?” said Mr. Bebee,
speaking to the eldest sister.
“Mary ! Mary ! I'm ashamed of you.
Como away !” was the only response
made to him.
Mr. Bebee was puzzled. He asked
himself as to the meaning of this strange
language. All at once, he remembered
that after he had been sitting in the par
lor for an hour, on the occasion referred
to, someone had come out of the little
room referred to by the child, and swept
post him almost os quick as a flash. But
it had never once occurred to him that
this was the lady he called to visit, and
who, according to the servant, was not
at home.
“I didn’t shut your mother up in that
room, Mary,” said he, to the child.
“O, but you did. Aud she got cold
and almost died.”
At this the elder sister, finding that
she could do nothing with little Mary,
escaped from the parlor, and running np
stairs, made a report to her mother what
was going on below.
“Mercy,” exclaimed the lady, in pain
ful surprise.
“Shotold him that you said you never
wanted to look upon his face again,” said
the little girl,
“She did !”
“Yes. And she is trilling him a gTcat
deal more. I tried my best to make her
stop, but couldn’t.”
“Kaohel! go down and bring that
child out of the parlor!” said Mrs. Fair
view, to a servant. “It is too bad! I
had no idea that the little witch knew
anything about it. So much for talking
before children !"
“And so much for not being at home
when you are,” remarked a sister of Mrs.
Fairview who happened to be present.
“So much for having an acquaintance
who makes himself at home in your
house whether you want him or not. ”
“No doubt you are both sufficiently
well punished."
“I have been I know.”
Tho heavy jar of the street door was
heard at this moment.
“He’s gone, Ido believe!”
And so it proved. What else little
Mary said to him was never known, as
the violent scolding she received when
her mother got hold of her sealed her
lips on the subject, or drove all impres
sions relating thereto from her memory.
Mr. Bebee never called again.
A Woman’s Curiosity.
A lodge of the Independent Order of
Odd Fellows, at Woodstown, determin
ed to have their lodge-room done up
clean and nice. It was resolved unani
mously that Mrs. K, should be employed
to do the job.
After the meeting adjourned the Guar
dian, who knew the inquisitive character
of Mrs. K., procured a billy-goat and
placed him in a closet that wns kept as a
reservoir for the secret things. He then
iuformed the lady of the wishes «f the
lodge, and requested her to come early
next morning, as he would then show
her what was and what was not to be
done.
Morning came, and with it Madame
K., with her broom, brushes, pails, tubs,
etc., and found the Guardian waiting for
her.
“Now, Madam,” said he, “I tell you
what we want done, and how we came to
employ you. The brothers said it was
difficult to get anybody to do the job,
and not be meddling with the secrets in
that little closet; wo have lost the key,
and cannot find it to lock the door. I
asserted then that you could be depend
ed on.”
“Depend on ! I guess I can. My poor
dead and gone husband, he belonged to
the Free Masons or anti-Masons, I don’t
know which. He usedto tell me all the
secrets of the concern and when he show
ed me all the marks the grid-iron made
when he was initiated, and told me how
they fixed poor Morgan, I never told a
living soul to this day ; if nobody trou
bles your closet to find out your secrets
till I do, they will lay there till they rot,
they will. ”
“I thought so,” said the Guadian, “and
now I want you to commence 'in that
corner, and give tho whole loom a decent
cleaning, and I pledge my word and
honor for the fidelity to your promise, now
don’t go into that closet,” and then left
the lady to heiself.
No sooner lied she heard tho sound of
his feet on the last step of tho stairs than
she exclaimed, ‘‘Don’t get into that clo
set !”
“I’ll warrant there’s a grid-iron, or
some nonsense, just like tho anti-Masons
for all the world, I’ll be found. I will
take one peep, and nobody will be any the
wiser, as I can keep it to myself.”
Suiting the action to the word she
stepped lightly to the forbidden closet,
turned the button, which was no sooner
done than “bah 1” went the billy-goat,
with a spring to regain his liberty, which
came near upsetting her ladyship- Both
started for the door, but it was filled
with implements for house cleaning, and
all were sweept clear from their position
down to tho bottom of the stairs.
The noise and confusion occasioned by
such unceremonious coming down the
stairs drew half the town to witness
Mrs. K’s effort to get from under the pile
of pails, tubs, brooms and brushes in the
street.
Who should be first to the spot but the
rescally doorkeeper, after releasing the
goat, which was a cripple for life, and
uplifting tho rubbish that bound the
good woman to the earth, anxiously in
quired if she had been taking the de
grees.
“Taking tho degree!” exclaimed the
lady “if you call tumbling from the top to
the bottom of the stairs with the devil
after ye, taking things by degrees, I have
them, and if ye frightened folks as ye
have me, and hurt to boot, I’ll warrant
they will make as much noise as I did.”
“I hope you did not open the closet,
madam, ’’said the doorkeeper.
“Open the closet? Eve ate the apple
she was forbidden! If you want a
woman to do anything, tell her not to doit
and she’ll do it certain. I could not
stand the temptaton. The secret was
there. I wanted to know it. I opened
the door and out popped the tamal crit
ter right into my face. I thought the
devil had me; and I broke for the stairs
with the devil butting me at every jump.
I fell over the tub, and got down stairs
as you found ns, all in a heap.”
“But, madam,” said the door-keeper,
“you are in possession of the great se
cret of our order, and you must go up to
be initiated and sworn, and then go in
tho regular woy.”
Advertising liitieM.
One square, first insertion $ j 00
Each subsequent insertion 75
One square three months 10 <JO
Onesqaresix months 15 00
One square twelve months 20 00
One quarter column twelve months. 40 00
Half column six months 60 00
Half column twelve months 76 00
One column twelve months .........'. 125 00
Ten lines or less considered a square
AU fractions of squares counted as squares
"Regular way !” exclaimed the lady,
“and do you suppose I am going near the
tamal place, and ride that ar tamal crit
ter without a bridle or lady’s saddle ?
No never ! I don’t want nothing to do
with the man that rides it. I’d look nice
perched upon a billy-goat, wouldn’t I?
No, never! I’ll never go nigh it again,
nor your hall nuther—-if I can prevent
it no lady shall ever join the Odd Fel
lows. Why, I’d sooner be a Free Ma
son, and be broiled on a grid-iron os
long as the fire could be kept uuder it,
and pulled from garret to cellar with a
halter, in a pair of old breeches and slip
pers, just as my poor dead husband.
And he lived over it, but I never could
live over such another ride ns I took to
nay.
A Misguided Book Agent.
A book agent entered the open door
of a snug Pittsfield cottage one day last
week, and nodding to a trim, bright-look
ing little woman who sat sewing by the
window, commenced volubly to descant
on tho merits of a great work which he
was for the first time giving mankind on
opportunity to purchase. It was a in
versal geography, cook-book, dictionary,
family physician, shorthand instructor,
and contained, besides, a detailed his
toi7 of every important event that has
transpired in the world from the apple
iucident and Adam’s fall to Credit Mo
bilier and the fall of Congress. The
work contained five thousand chapters,
all with running titles. The agent after
ta king on the general excellencies of the
volume for about five minutes commenc
ed on tho heading of those chapters, and
the woman did not say a word to inter,
mpt him be felt that he was making a
conquest, and he rattled away so that she
shouldn't have a chance to say no. It
took him nearly half an hour, and as he
breathlessly went on the sweat started
on his forehead and he made convulsive
grasps at his collar, and when he finish
ed he hardly strength eneugli to put on
a bewitching smile and hand her his re
dy pen wherewith to subscribe her name
in the order-book. She took the pen,
but instead of putting her autograph on
bis list she lifted a scrap of paper from
her work box and wrote in plain letters
Ime defe and dumb.” He said not a
word, hut the uuutteaable things that he
looked as he turned to the door would
fill a library.— Pitts-field Eagle.
Josh Billings Insures his Life.
I Hum to the conclusion lately, that
life was so onsartin, that the only wa fur
me tew stand a fair chance with other
folks, was to git my life insured, and so
I kolled ont the Agent of the “Garden
Angel Lire Insurance C 0.,” and answer
ed the following questions, which wua
put to me over the top of a pair of gold
specks, by a slick little fat old feller,
with a little round gray head, and as
pretty a little belly on him az anny man
ever owned :
QUESTIONS.
1. Are you mail or femail? If so,
pleze state how long you have been bo.
2. Are you subjee to fits, and if so, do
you have more than one at a time ?
3. —What is yure precise fiteing wate ?
4. —Did you ever have any ancestors.*
and if so, how much ?
5. —What is yure legal opinion of the
constitutionality of the 10 command
ments?
6. —Do you ever have any nite mares ?
7. —Are you married and single, or ar
you a bachelor ?
8. —Do you beleave in a futur state ?
if yu du, state it.
9. —What are yure private sentiments
about a rush ov rats to the head ; can it
be did successfully?
10. —Hav yu ever committed suicide,,
and if so, how did it seem to affect you ?
After answering the above questions
like a man in the confirmatif, the slik,
little fat old foller, with gold specks on,
ced I was insured fur life, and proberiy
would remain so fur a turm ov years, I
thanked him and smiled one ov my most
pensive smiles.
A Doo Fight.— A couple of dogs were
having a dispute on the opposite side of
a slat fence, the other morning; when one
of them, letting his valor get the better
of his discretion, plunged' his head
through the slats, in the hope of nipping
his antagonist. That was where he made
the mistake; the head, went through
nicely, but would not putt; back. The
other pup, seeing his. foe; in chancery,
leisurely commenced eating up the front
part of his head and ears. There was
“music in the air” about that time, and,
the unearthly yelping brought the, juyep.-.
ile owner of that demoralized carijfi#. to
the rescue. He took in the situation at
once, and freezing on to that dqg’a tail,
and bracing himself against the fence,
he pulled his level best. For a moment
it was doubtful whioh would give way
first, the tail, the head, on the picket;
but, with a final surge, the boy brought
away the pup minus the biggest part of
both ears. The first jump that dog made
when loose was something over twenty
feet, and, with a eontinous wail of grief,
he disappeared round the comer.
It is stated by a reporter that a goat in
Gold Hill, Nevada, has been breakfast
ing on the Virginia Chronicle. Look
out for an editorial on the increased cir
culation of that paper.