Newspaper Page Text
Cjit ftirDuffie 3aurnal,
IS PUBLISHED WEEKLY
—A T—
THOMSON. O-A...
—B Y
J. E. WHITE & CO.
bYsiYessc a rd
>. Q i Yjftf'V
75 Jackson Street, Augusta, Georgia,
Opposite Catholic Church,
DEALER IN
FRUIT m SEG4RS,
Wholesale and Retail.
DENER&L RAILROAD NEWS AGENT.
Headquarters for
Ttiro Candies, and all scrts of Christmas
Goods.
CaT All orders from Country Merchants,
or orders left with News Agents on the tram
will meet prompt attention.
Oct. 8, 1873. ly
F. J. PRIDHAM,
HOUSE & SIGH PRINTER,
AND
INTERIOR DECORATOR,
ADDRESS HIM AT
Aug. 20, <Sm XUOIWSOU, Gtl.
i;
IMPORTER AND DEALER IN
WINES, ALES,
| H)I 08, pORTERS,
Ciji’arH, Etc.
Corner Ilroatl mid .Tuek-
Kon Street,
AUGUSTA, GA.
May 7
PAOf E R ll 0 USE.
{Oyer Bignon * Crump's Auction Store,)
ilßl Broad Street, Augusta, Georgia.
J. /. PALMER, Proprietor.
Good board furnishby the week, month
April 9 3m
R. W. H. NEAL,
ATTORNKY AT LAW,
THOMSON, GA,
Okfice.—Over J. H. Montgomery’* Store.
CHARLES S. DuBQSE,
ATTUHNKY AT LAW,
WARR-NTON. GA
tHT Will practice iu the courts of the
Northern, Middle and Augusts Circuit*.
H. C. RONEY,
ATTUHNKY AT LAW,
THOMSON* GA.
SS* Will practice iu the Augusta, North
ern and Middle Circuits. nolyl
WALTON CLARKE & CO.
Wholesale Grocers
—AND -
Commission Merchants,
3Vo :tO«. Broad Street*
Jan. 22, — ly. AUGUSTA. GA.
fatal Ijotel,
MRS. W. M. THOMAS.
AUGUSTA, GEORGIA
■eplltf
C 5. B, Wilkerson & Cos.,
MECHANICS AND CARPENTERS,
Are prepared to execute promptly
and satisfactorily, all kinds of Carpen
tering, Wood Work and Iron Work. —
Will build and repair Gins, Ac.
Orders addressed to them at Thomson,
Ga., will meet prompt attention.
Oct, 7. ts
Now is the time
To get your Winter Hats.
MRS. WO It RILL
has received the finest and best assorted
Stock of Millinery goods and Novelties ever
brought to Thomson, consisting in part of
Ladies, Misses and Children's Hats and
Bonnets;
Old Ladies' Bonnets and Caps, Flowers
and flumes of evil kinds;
Lace Collars. Mourning Collars;
Black and White Lace, of all widths;
Ruffs for the neck. Silk Ties;
Ribbons in every color;
Crape and Love Veils:
>Lfoir Br»>J«. and Switches : #
J.et bracelets, Jet Setts, Coronets:
Velveteens, of all colors, Silk Velvet;
Velyet Ribbon and a great variety of
• goodg not mentioned.
Call and examine before buying.
I am sure you will be pleased in price
. and quality. Oct. 15, 18715. 3m
Medical Notice.
DR, G. W. DURHAM announces to
his patrons and the public that be
is now prepared to attend promptly to
all professional calls to the country,
October 22, 1873. ts
Tax Collector’s Notice.
THE Taxpayers of McDuffie county are
hereby notified that the Tax Books for
1873 are now ready and the Tuxes thereon
due and must be paid without delay.
I will be at the Ordinary's Office in
Thomson every Saturday, from the Ist of
November to the Ist Saturday in December;
at Wrightsboro', the 2d and 3d Mondays in
Novenjber and the Ist Monday in December;
at Repablican, the 2d Tuesday in November
and Ist Tuesday in December; and at
Dealing, the 2nd and 3d Thursdays in No
vember and Ist Thursday in December, for
Ahe purpose of collecting said Taxes.
H. W. YOUNG,
T. C. McDuffie County.
.Oct. 2?. 1.873. tv
(The ucicchlir |oui|nat.
VOLUME III—NUMBER 45.
HENRY KENNEDY ,
KENTUCKY
LAGER BEER SALOON,
Next door to Kentn ’ y Stables,
I Broad St., near the Upoer Market,
AUGUSTA, GA.
Nov. 5,1873. Cm
C. E. DODD. H. L. MEALING.
C. E, DODD & CO.,
| HAVE REMOVED TO 219 BROAD ST.,
Opposite the Central Hotel.
AUGUSTA, CSA.
. Call and see our Styles of
I MEN’S
BOYS’
AND
CHILDREN’S
HATS.
November 5, 1873. Cm
BEUMMEIi’S
LADIES’ BITTERS,
Manul'actiirert by
1282 BROAD ST,, AUGUSTA, GA.
J Rectifiers, Redistillers, Importers and
Wholesale Dealers in
•5 m nv vi
JET Marl sobs'** ■lift d&aM
AND
Corn Whiskies.
FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC LIQUO S,
Brunei ion.
Wines,
Gin,
Bum,
Porter,
Ale,
Eto.
Also n Superior Article of
LADIES’ BITTERS.
*r Tobacco and Sugars of every variety.
January 2!*, 1873—3ui.
Mi k :: ■
It
I xHE Guide is published Quarterly.—
j 25 cents pays for the year, which is not half
I the cost. I hose who afterwards send mon-
I ey to the amount of one dollar may also or
j der2s cents worth extra - the price for the
Guide. The first number is beautiful, uiv
! iug plans for making Rural Homes, JJiirng
i Table Decorations, Window Garde us, &c.,
j and a mass of information invaluable to the
I lover of flowers. 150 pages on fine tintedpa
} per some f>oo engravings, and a superb col-
I ored plate, andC'hromo Cover.
| "The first edition of 200,000 printed iu Eng
lish and Gemini.
JAMES VICK, Rochester, N. Y.
March 12
DR. HOLLAND,
i > i : ]> T r r is t .
Can be found at his Operating Room in
Thomson, Ga., on the first Monday in each
month, where he will remain two weeks, or
more except in ‘'cases of sickness.” aug7tf,
WORKERS WANTED
—FOR—
WOOD’S HOUSEHOLD MAGAZINE,
which, with its Premiums, is one of the
most attractive in the country,
| Price of Magazine.
J One 3 >o!lru‘ a Year.
| Commissions liberal, offering a lucrative
| and agreeable business to those willing to
j give it proper attention.
Vol, XIII, begins with July, 1873.
Examine our Clubbing and Premium Lists
Two first-cless periodicals for the price
of one.
r HT For specimen Magazine and further
information. Address,
WOOD’S HOUSEHOLD MAGAZINE,
S. E. SHIITES, Pub. Newburgh, N. Y.
August 6, 1873. ts
; THE CHEAP VARIETY
STORK.
I The Lat .st Styles of Fall and Winter
Millinery on Exhibition
AND FOR SALE BY
MBS. A. J. ADKINS,
j THOMSON, - - - GEORGIA
| N. B.— \ full line of Ladies’ Underwear
| and Notions of every description. The La
| dies are respectfully invited to call and ex ?
| undue the goods, * Oct. 8. ts
| NOTICE.
j LL those indebted to us will please call
! on Mr. John E. Benton, who has our books
in hand, and is authorized to close up oui
I business. Cotton taken in settlement at
j 15 cts. for Liverpool Middlings, and lower
! grades in proportion.
SHIELDS <fc MORRIS.
Oct. 29.1573. ts
THOMSON, McDUFFIE COUNTY, GA., NOVEMBER 19,1873.
SELECT MISCELLANY.
MY MIDNIGHT PERIL.
The night of the 17th of October—
shall I ever forget its pitchy darkness,
the roar of the autninnal wind through
the lonely forests, and the incessant
down-pour of the rain ?
“This comes of short cuts,” J. mutter
ed petulantly to myself, as I plodded
along, keeping close to the trees to avoid
the deep ravine, through which I could
just hear the turbulent stream forty or
fifty feet below. My blood ran cold as I
thought what might be the possible con
sequence of a misstep or move in the
wrong direction. Why had I not been
contented to keep in the high road ?
Hold on ! Was that a light, or are
my eyes playing me false !
I stopped, holding on to the low
boughs of a hemlock that grew on the
edge of the bank ; for it actually seemed
as if the wind would seize me bodily and
hurl me down the precipitous descent.
It was a light—thank Providence—it
was a light, and no ignis fatuus or
corpse gleam to lure me on to destruc
tion and death.
“Hallo-o-o-o!”
My voice rang through the woods like
a clarion. I plunged onward through
the tangled vines, dense briars, and
rocky banks until, gradually nearing, I
could preceive a figure wrapped in an
oilcloth capo or olo,ik carrying a lantern.
As the dim light fell upon his face I
almost recoiled. Would not solitude and
woods be preferable to the companion
ship of this withered, wrinkled, hideous
old man ? But it was too late to recede
now.
“What’s wautiug ?” he snarled, with a
peculiar motion of the lips that seemed
to lenvo his yellow stumps of teeth all
bare.
“I am lost iu the woods ; can you
direct ini' t-0 E elation ?”
“Yes ; R station is twelve miles j
from hero.”
“Twelve miles !”
I stood aghast.
“Yes !"
“Cun you tell me of any shelter I
could obtain for the night ?"
“No !”
“Where are yon going ?”
“To Drew’s, down by the maple
swamp. ”
“Is it a tavern?”
“No 1”
“Would they take me for the night?
1 could pay them well.”
His eyes gleamed ; the yellow stumps
stood revealed once more.
“I guess so. Folks do stop there."
“Is it far from here ?”
“Not very ; about half a mile.”
“Then let us make haste and reach it.
I am drenched to the skin.”
We plodded on, my companion more
than keeping pace with me. Presently
! we left the edge of the ravine, entering
i what seemed like trackless woods, and
keeping straight on till the lights of
| some habitation gleamed fitfully through
the foliage.
It was a ruinous old place, with the
windows all drawn to one side as if the
foundation had settled, and the pillars of
a rude porch nearly rotted away.
A woman answered my fellow-travel
! er’s knock. My companion whispered
a word or two to her, and she turned to
j me with smooth, voluble words of wel
j come.
She regretted the poverty of their
| accommodations, but I was welcome to
1 them, such as they were.
“Where is Isaac ?” demanded my
guide.
“He has not come in yet.”
I sat down on a wooden bench beside
! the fire and ate a few mouthfuls of
i bread.
“I should like to retire as soon as
possible,” I said, for my weariness was
excessive.
“Certainly.”
The woman started up with alacrity.
“Where are you going to put him?"
asked my guide.
“ Up chamber.”
“ Put him in Isaac’s room.”
“ No ! ”
“ It’s the most comfortable.”
“I tell you no!"
But here I interrupted the whispered
colloquy.
“I am not particular—l don’t care
where you lodge me, only make haste.”
bo I was conducted up a steep ladder,
that stood in the corner of the room, into
an apartment ceiled with sloping beams
ventilated by one small window, where a
cot bedstead crowded close against the
board partition, and a pine table, with
: two chairs, formed the sole attempt at
| furniture.
The woman set the light—an oil lamp
i —on the table.
1 “Anything more I can get you, sir?"
“ Nothing, I thank you,"
“ I hope you’ll sleep well, sir. When
j shall I call you?”
“At i o'clock in tlio morning, if yon
i please. I must walk to R station in
time for the 7 o’clock express.”
j “ I will be sure and call you, sir."
She withdrew, leaving me alpoe in the
I gloomy little sppartment. I sat down
and looked around me with no very pleas
j ant sensation,
“ I will set down and write to Alice,”
I thought; “ that will soothe my nerves
and quiet me, perhaps. ”
I descended the ladder. The fire
gloomed redly on the stone beneath ;
my companion and the woman ?at beside
it talking in a low tone, and a third per
son sat at the table eating—a short,
stout, villainous looking man, in a red
flannel shirt and muddy trowsers.
I asked for writing materials and re
turned to my room to write to my wife.
*• My darling Alice.”
I paused, and laid down my pen as I
concluded the words, half smiling to
think what she would say could she
know of my strange quarters.
Not until both sheets were covered did !
I lay aside my pen and prepare for slum
ber. As I folded the paper I happened
to glance toward my couch.
Was it the gleam of the human eye
observing me through the craek« of the
board partition, or was it but my own
fancy ? There wbb a crack there, but
only blank darkness beyond; yet could I
have sworn that something had sparkled
hatefully at me.
I took out my watch—it was one
o'clock. It was scarcely worth while for 1
me to undress for three hour’s sleep; I
would lie down in my clothes and snatch
what slumber I could. So placing my
valise close to the hea l of my bed, and
barricading the hingeless door with two
chairs, I extinguished the light and lay
down.
At first I was very wakeful, but grad
ually a soft drowsiness seemed to steal
over me like a misty mantle, until, all of
a sudden, some electric thrill coursed
through all my veins, and I sat up excited
and trembling.
A luminous softness seemed to glow
and quiver through the room—no light
of moon or star was ever so soft or pene
trating—and by the little window I saw
Alice, my wife, dressed in floating gar
ments of white, with her long golden
hr.!? !l— ttfd bf M, k bv n blue ribbon.—
Armarently she was beckoning to me |
with outstretched hands and eyes full of i
wild, anxious tenderness.
I sprang to my feet and rushed toward j
her, but as I reached the window the j
fair apparition seemed to vanish into the
stormy darkness, and I was left alone.
At the self-same instant the sharp report
of a pistol sounded—l could see the
jagged stream of fire above the pillow—
straight, straight through the very spot,
where, ten seconds since, my head had
lain.
With an instantaneous realization of
jmy danger, I swung myself over the
! ledge of the window, jumped some eight
or ten feet into the tangled rose bushes
below, and as I crouched there, recover
ing my breath, I heard the tramp of
footsteps into my room.
“Is he dead?” cried a voice up the
ladder—the smooth, deceitful voice of
the woman with the half closed eyes.
“Os course he is,” cried a voice back ;
“that charge would have killed ten men.
A light there, quick ; and tell Tom to be
ready.”
A cold agonized shudder ran through
me. What den of midnight murderers
had I fallen into ? and how fearfully
narrow had been my escape.
With a speed that only terror and
deadly peril can give, I rushed through
i the woods now illuminated by a faint
glimmer of starlight. I know not what
impulse guided my footsteps,—l never
shall know bow many times I crossed
my own tracks, or how close to the brink
of the deadly ravine, but some merciful
providence encompassed me with a guid
ing and protecting care, for when the
j morning dawned with faint red bars of
orient light against the stormy eastern
sky, I was close to the high-road, seven
miles from R .
Once at the town I told my story to
the local police, and a detatchment was
sent with me to the spot. After much
searching and many false alarms, we
succeeded in finding the ruinous old
house, but it was empty anil deserted.—
Our birds had flown ; nor did I ever re
cover my valise and watch and chain,
which latter I hail left under my pillow.
“It is Drew's gang,” said the leader
of the police ; “and they have troubled
us these two years. I don’t think, tho’,
they will come back here just at present.”
Nor did they.
But the strangest part of my story is
to come vet. Some three weeks subse
quently I received a letter from my sis
ter who was with Alice in her English
home —a letter, whose intelligence filled
me with surprise.
“I must tell you something very, very
strange,” wrote my sister, “that hap
pened to me on the night of the 17th of
October. Alice had not been so well for
some time; in fact, she had been confin
ed to her lied for nearly a week, and I
was sitting by her bed reading. It was
late; the clock had just struck one,
when all of a sudden she seemed to faint
away, growing cold and rigid as a corpse.
“I hastened to call assistance, lmt all
Our efforts seemed vain to restore life or
animation, I was just about sending
for the doctor, when her senses returned
pa suddenly as they had left her, and she
sat up in bed, pushing back her hair
and looking wildly about her.
“"““‘Alice!’ I exclaimed, ‘how you
have terrified us all. Are you ill ?’
TERMS-TWO DOLLARS IN ADVANCE.
j “ ‘Not ill,’ she answered ; ‘but I feel
!so strange ! Gracie, I have been with
j my husband !’
“And all our reasoning failed to con
! vinee her of the impossibility of her
assertions. She persists to this momeut
that she saw you and was with you on
! the night of the 18th of October, rather
on the morning of the 18tli. Where and
how she cannot tell; but we think it
j must have been some dream. She is
better now, and I wish you could see
how fast she is improving.”
Tiiis is my plain, unvarnished tale. I
do not pretend to explain or account for
| its mysteiies. I simply relate facts.—
Let pysehologists unravel the labyrinth
ical skein. lam not superstitious,
neither do I believe in ghosts, wraiths,
and apparitions ; but this thing I do
know—that although my wife was at
j England, in the body, the morning of
■ the 18tli of October, her spirit surely
stood before me iu New York in the
j moment of the deadly peril that) menaced
me. It may be that, to the subtle
instinct and strength of a wife’s holy
j love, all things are possible, but Alice
, surely saved my life.
A White Wonmn Dragged to Jail
by a Negro Constable.
On Saturday afternoon last we wit
nessed on the streets of Cliester a sight
which we had thought never to have
seen. We saw a respectable white lady
dragged to jail by a negro constable
for an alleged contempt of a negro court.
The lady was Mrs. Wm. M. Robins,
and the circumstances under which this
shameful indignity was perpetrated upon
her were as follows: She had been
arrrested on a warrant issued by B. F.
Michael, a negro Trial Justice, upon the
complaint of one Nathan Me Alley, an
other negro, that she had made an
assault upon him. In obedience to the
arrest she appeared at the Trial Justice’s
office, accompanied by her counsel, Gen.
W. A. Walker. While the bond for her
| appearance for trial was being prepared j
i she and her counsel vero standing at
| the door of the office conversing. Mrs.
j Robin remarked that she was done with
! niggers on her plantation, that they gave
| her so much trouble that she did not
| intend to have any more of them about
! her. At this Michael flew into a rage,
accused her of having insulted him, and j
ordered that she should be confined in j
the common jail of the county for twelve
: hours for a contempt of liis court,
j In vain did she disclaim having said a
i word about the court; in vain did she
) deny any purpose to insult the Trial Jus
| tice; in vain her counsel, Gen. Walker,
assured the Trial Justice that the re
mark had no referenc either to h m
or to his court; tho commitment was
written out, placed in the hands of I ,om
Grier, a negro, and orders given to him
to carry the prisoner to jail. The poor
woman was written out, placed in the
hands of Isom Grier, a negro, and or
ders given him to carry tiie prisoner to
jail. The poor woman was led oil terror
stricken at the idea of being incarcerated
in jail, and at the unparalleled outrage
that was being perpetrated upon her ;
and this manifestation of fear oil her
part gave occasion to a crowd of savage
and fiendish negro women to gather
around the constable and exult in the
spectacle. The husband of the unfortu
nate lady could think of nothing else to
do than to run to Judge Mackey for as
sistance. The Judge came upon the
scene, and by some means induced Mi
chael to countermand his order and dis
charge the prisoner.
This is tlie plain, unvarnished story.
We will not trust ourself to make any
comments, but will leave it for every
white man who roads it to indulge in
such reflections as the bare recital of the
facts may call up in liis breast.
Captain Jack’s Gun. —The gun which
tho defunct Modoc chieftain, Captain
Jack, fired during the late unpleasant
ness between him and the Government,
is now in the office occupied by General
Davis as his headquarters. It shows the
effect of hard service and apparentlyoflen
came in contact with hard rocks, for it
is scratched in every part, scarcely aspot
an eighth of an inch in extent being un
touched. It is one of the old muzzle
loading rifles of the pattern of 1863.
The lock plate contains the following m
! scription : “U. S. Colt’s Pt. & F. A.
Mfg. Cos., Hartford, Conn., 1863.” It is
rather an unwieldy weapon, and is
very long—about four and a half feet.
The barrel alone is forty inches in length.
It has three sights, one being marked for
a hundred yards, another for three, and
the third for five hundred yards. The
sling is made of a piece of leather, which
was apparently broken iu the centre, for
at that point it is kept together by two
copper rivets, and it is fastened in the
bunds by pieces of buckskin. The upper
band is made of tin, and is fastened to
the stock with four small headless nails.
This piece of mechanism is apparently
the work of the hero of the lava beds,
and it shows that be prided himself on
how neatly it was done.
[Portland {Or.) Bulletin.
Congressman Waddell intends to
prove “beyond a doubt" that North
Carolina was inhabited by a civilized
oolony of Caucasians at least two thous.
nl years before Columbus was born.
From the N. O. Picayune. Nov. 8.
i Lieut. Gen. William Joseph Hardee.
The telegraph yesterday brought the
i news of the death of this distinguished
soldier, and a brief sketch of his life and
| services cannot be deemed inappropriate
at this time. Bora near Savannah, Go.,
he entered the Military Academy at
West Point as a cadet from that State,
j and graduated about the year 1838,
i having been a fellow student with those
distinguished associates of his later
years, Lee, Johnston and Beauregard.—
Shortly afterwards, being a Lieutenant
in the United States Seoond Dragoons,
he was one of the three young officers
who were selected by the Secretary of War,
and sent by the Government to France,
where he remained two years at the cav
alry school at Saiuner, where he perfect
ed himself in his branch of the service.
During the Mexican war he served with
distinction as a captain of cavalry, and
was rewarded by the Legislature of his
native State with a handsome sword as a
testimonial of its appreciation of his
meritorious services. On the formation
of the 2d United States Cavalry, which
was considered the corpi elite of the
army, he was promoted to the rank of
Major, and as such served on the frontier,
aud wass übsequently made Commandant
of the United States Military Academy.
He had previously translated and adapt
ed the French system of light infantry
tactics, which was adopted by the Uni
ted States array. On the secession of
Georgia, Gen. Hardee resigned his po
sition as Major and Brevet Colonel and
Commandant at West Point, and enter
ed the Confederate army as Colonel, and
was stationed for a few days at Fort
Morgan. Thence he was transferred to
the West, and, as a Brigadier General,
commanded a division in Kentucky, un
der the lamented Albert Sidney John
ston. He served in Arkansas, also,
where he organized the troops, and made
the acquaintance of Capt. Pat. Cleburne
whose soldierly qualities attraced the
attention of the commfi/ u aer, and led to
Iris rapid advancement. At Shiloh Har
dee figured conspicuously as a Major
General, and subsequently commanded
the left win gin the Kentucky expedition,
participating prominently in the battle
of Peirvrille.
At Murfreesboro bis corps on the left
routed the enemy 1 ! right, and had she
Confederate right been equally successful
a decisive victory would have been gained.
At Missionary Bulge his corps held its
own, but unable to the reverses
of the day, covered the retreat. At Dal
ton, and all through the Georgia cam
paign under Johnston, and subsequently
under Hood at Atlanta, “Old Reliable,’’
ns he was justly called by his men, main
tained his reputation, seldom, if ever,
failing in the part assigned him, and in
variably mastering his portion of the
field. From the Army of Tennessee he
was transferred to Savannah, where he
made an obstinate defense, delaying the
capture of the city several weeks, al
though-confronted by the whole of Sher
man’s force, and the army of defense
consisted of barely eight thousand men,
all told, and by improvising a pontoon !
train out of rice flats, effected a success- ;
fill evacuation and retreat over two broad :
rivers, at the loss of not a man nor a gun,
save the heavy siege guns left behind,
abandoned and spiked. Thus ended the
military career of one who united the
solid and splendid qualities of the soldier
with all the knightly graces of the chev
alier. Noted no less for his gallant bear
ing os a man than for his urbanity to liis
juniors, which, with his patient obser
vance of the smallest details and the care
of the comfort of his men, he won from
his troops their respect and affection,
who confidently believed him to be capa
ble of greater achievements in a higher
jtosition than that in which it was his
good fortune to serve. Faithful to his
duty in all things confided to his trust,
they believed him worthy and eminently
fitted for the oommand of the Army of
Tennessee. Indeed, on the retiracy of
Gen. Bragg, that high honor was tender
ed and urged upon him by President
Davis, and only declined by the veteran '
because Johnston and Beauregard, his
seniors and superiors in rank, were out
of command. This nice appreciation of
military etiquette and delicate considera
tion for his associates was afterward tor
tured into a confession of his inability to
fill the place, lost him the command on
Johnston’s retiraoy, and led to his retire
ment from the army, around whose mem
ory his genius and gallantry hud twined
so many laurels, and among whom be
had so often stemmed and stayed the
tide of disaster.
His only son, a boy of sixteen, was
killed in one of the last engagements of
the war. Strange, indeed, it was that
the young hero fell upon the threshold
' of his manhood in his maiden battle,
while the sire lived to sheathe his sword
that flashed in the light of a hundred
battles, and sink to rest in the arms of
peace, an honored veteran.
The most appalling case of deafness
that we ever came across outside of an
asylum, was that of an old lady who
lives just across the street from a navy
yard. The other day they fired a salute
of twenty-one guns. The old lady was
observed to start and listen as the lost
gun was fired, and exolaimed, “Gome in I”
Advertising Ha.ea.
One square, first insertion .....| 1 00
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WISE AND OTHER WISE.
To milk a kicking cow, stand off about
eight feet and yell, “So 1 you darned old
; skinflint.”
A sign on an eating house on the New
Jersey Railway says : " Coffee and Eggs,
fresh laid by Maiy Jones.”
| “H all the world were blind,” said an
i Irish clergyman, “what a melancholy
| sight it would be.”
A stone which marks a little grave in
the midst of a Western prairie bears the
single word “Polccatscentedem.” A
man had buried his clothes there.
The similarity between a female parson
and a mutton-thief consists in the fact
that they are both sheep-reach era.
A German in Buffalo fall into a beer
vat the other day and was drowned. He
drank as hard as he could to save hrcoßeifi
and would have succeeded had not a float
ing cork choked him.
An lowa county Squire concludes the
material knot ceremony thusly : “Them
that the court hath joined together let
no man bust asunder; but suffer little
children to come unto them, so-help yom
God.”
A blessed okl lady being aßked if she
ever had her ears pierced by the wail of
distress, said she couldn’t very well re
member, but she believed it was done
with a fork.
A worthy farmer in Georgia, who was
carried home on a litter the other day,
solemnly asserts that nothing but a 20'
ton anchor can hold a sorrel mule down
to the earth after she has stepped is a
yellowjacket’s nest.
A Irishman put his head into a lawyer’s
office, and asked the inmate, “An’ what
do you sell here?” “Blockheads,” re
plied the limb of the law. “Otch, thin,
to be sure,” said Pat, “it must be a good
trade, for ye have but One of them left.”
Aquafortiswill explode as well as nitro
glycerine and grindstones. Out of hi*
remaining eye Mr. Waxtell, of Garnett,
Kan., looks a sad assent.
“How hollow it sounds,” exclaimed a
patient under the movement cure, as the
physician was vigorously pounding his
chest. “Oh, that’s notbiug,” said the
doctor; “wait until we get to the head.”
Newburg looks askance at a family,
consisting of a man and wife, both with
a fearful obliquity of vision, with three
virgin daughters who also have converging
eyes. They are locally alluded to as the
cross squintette.
A soft headed fellow wrote his name
with a diamond upon a window at Sara
toga, and when he next goes to look at
it he will be pained to see the following
lines underneath it:
* 'When I see a looney’s name
Written upon a glass,
I know he owns a diamond,
And his father owns an ass. ”
A drunken fellow wandered into a
Sunday-school and took a seat with the
primer scholars, when the teacher thus
accosted him : “Why, James, do you
know what condition yon are in ?”
“Yes, m’m; in the gall of bit’ness an’
j the bonds of ’niquity. Ask me some
i hard quesh’ns.”
“You Abe Linkum, tell Ben Butler to
bring Lysses Grant in out ub dat sun dis
miuit, or I'll tan you to deth. Dat child
might get son stroke for all you mean
Frogtown niggers ’ud keer.”
The New Orleans Time» has received
the following poetical gem from a gifted
corresi>ondent:
O, wuust i laved anuther gal her name
it wuz marier: but betsy dere my lur
fur you iz 40 times more hier.
yurs forever, Sam Busks.
A man is so much more polite in
church. He. is on dress parade,gas it
were. Nobody was surprised to see that
young man last Sunday dive suddenly
into the bottom of the pew to pick np
her parasol. • While he was at the bot
tom he saw the embroidered edge of her
pocket handkerchief sticking from under
the edge of her dress. He commenced
tugging at it, when there was a fierce
scuffle and a little hand darted down.—
He came up without it. There were two
red faces in the sanctuary to which the
calm of the blessed Sabbath seerqpd to
briug no relief. But he waft a young
man that meant well.
Mark Twain, a few, months after hi*
first baby was bona, was holding it out
on his knee, His wife said: “Now,
confess, Samuel, that you love the
child !” “I can’t do that,” replied the
humorist, “but am willing to admit I
respect the little thing for its father’s
sake.”
A dry goods olerk went to see his girl
the other night and got fighting mad at
her because he found two warm places
on the sofa. The green-eyed monster
has full possession of that chap.
“Uncle James, won’t you perform
gome of those juggling tricks for us, to
night, that you learned- while you were
in China
“No, my dear;” said he, “I am not
in the vein.”
‘“What vein, uncle?”
“■Why the juggler’s vein, to be sure.”
A western paper has this delicate
personal item: “Those who know nice
old Wilson, of this place, personally,
will regret to hear that he was assaulted
in a brutal manner last week, but was nut
killed.