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W KEITC I- Y .
Vol. IX.
SubHcription Hutos.
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the margin of the paper in blue pencil
Any person who will send us the i
names of five new subscribers, with $5
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scription free.
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Advcrtisiug: Rntex.
Ona square, first insertion $ 1 00
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lines or less considered a square
All fractious of squares are counted as
full squares.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS, ETC.
A. C. QUILLAIN,
Dentist,
WILL Wim Thomson from the Ist
till the 15th of each month. All
operations ArieUy First Clans. Office
oa Main street, first dour acutb of A. B.
Thrasher’* residence. Private engage
ments in the coaatry tilled.
jan2!My
PRICESg SUIT HAR® TIM S
c UKDEUMGKJi© a toetter pre
* n>si:d tfihon over ti make BOOTS
AS I) SHOES iff alfi ntyleß for Ladies
ond GeiTtflemen, cheap for cash. I keip
-%u hand an assortment the very best
anateriul, aud make Wedding and Party
Boots and Shoes a specialty. I have re
cently learned anew process of prepar
eng soles from the beat. Baltimore Oak.
And Slaughter Heml)ck that make them
Bast much longer than t a old |.uooess
Very thankful for past liberal patron
age. 1 solicit a continuance of the same.
All work warranted. Call and examine
•stock and prices. Shop in lck room of
T. N. Tawin' store.
gan2i-ly W B. B. CASON.
PA7ILION HOTEL,
Charleston, k. C.
O. T. ALFORD <fi CO.,
Proprietors
-v> $2.50 anl $3.01) per day
iir < 'sitting
- tW ‘ IIE
..AftiT A*S MOST WUJSTifIC
MANNER,
-BY
E. D.
AriMt uu 11 ll lit it li Unit*.
fOnricE Undee Ontbau Hotel. )
AUGUSTA. GEORGIA.
lUAtti.ll
Seed Wheat For Sale
rpilE undersigned offers for sale 200
t bushel< of SEED WHEAT, of the
111 LI. DAI LIS variety. This wheat
yielded lust season 20 bushels to one,
tuui is warranted Hast Proof.
ALSO,
few bushels of MAMMOTH BYE or
DIAMOND WHEAT, yielding fifty
Imsliels and over to every bushel sown.
'The grains of this wheat average nearly
half an ineh long, and the heads from
seven to nine inches long. Address
WM. S. BOYD.
aug-20-tf _ _ Hayeville, Oa.
Planters, Attention!
——
We could not supply the demand for
tbe Outlet Gin last season owing to the
veltow fever quarantine. To prevent a
similar occurrence during the coining
season, we have been instructed to offer
the
Improved Gullett (hn,
also
Feeder and, Condensers,
At a very low price to all who will pur
chase this spring for cash or good paper.
Now is your chance to purchase the
finest Cotton Gin ever offered to the
trade at prices that any planter can
afford To get the largest discount you
should purchase between now and May
15th. We are also offering the celebra
ted
Bigelow Enginew
of every style; also,
SWEEPSTAKE SEPAHATOKS, SAW
MILLS, THRESHERS, GRIST
MILLS, 3x„ Ac.,
At greatly reduced pri ios. Give us a
call or write for circulars. Extra low
figures made to those who purchase
their entire ginning and threshing out
fits through uS Mi A s ddr lU
General Agents for Plantation Machin
ery, Augusta Ga. apl-d-6m.
NERVOUS DEBILITY
SEMINAL WEAKNESS, Lost Manhood,
linpotency, Universal hasitude, Enerva
tion of Mind and Body, and alll diseases
that follow as a sequence of indiscretion
or excess, quickly and permanently
cured by Bate s Specific, prepared by a
physician, ands the result of years of
study and practice in treating these
special diseases, and sold at i- per;
package, three packages for ior
kSA circnlar and full particulars, ad
dress Dr. BATE * CO., 201 Clark St„ !
SdcUo. 11l- fcblo.-y_ ,
A BURNHAMS
ygaaeS. j r-suii best and thtumT
B Prlffg rwluctd. PamphletJrrr. j
MILLING SUPPLIES
nor In ■ rhrimlouo, jArnrartrr Co.,Pa
Office: 23 H. Hearer St., York, Ia
febs-ly ..!
Opium and Morp' ine Habit
And DRUNKENNESS absolutely ami
speedily cured. Painless; no publicity;
the worst cases of Drunkenness cureu in
10 or 15 days. Send stamp for particu
lars to J. S. CARLTON, 203 S. Clark
Bt., Chicago. 111. feblO-ly
Ocan make money faster at work for
us than at anything else, capital not
required; we will start you. $2
per dav at home made by the illustri
ous. Man,women, boys and girls u ant
ed everywhere to work *% t us. a*ow is
the time Costl, outfit ana terms free.
A ddresß. TRUE A CO., Augusta,Me
b'27-b§
AUGUSTA ADA BRTISBMENTS.
LOW PRICES
—FOR -
Boots, Shoes and Bats.
We have now in store a very large aud complete stock of
BOOTS, SHOES AND HATS,
which has been purchased direct, from the manufacturers at the
LOWEST PRICKS THR GASH WILL COMMAND,
and ns our motto is
Large Sales and Small Profits
otir customers and the public can rely on
GOOD BARGAINS.
A large stock of Philadelphia and
Baltimore fine shoes on hand.
A liberal discount to the wholesale
trade.
WM. MULHURZN,
284 Rito.'ijj St a , .'IeGCST&t ('EnjgGm*
i aep4.7B-ly
Masonic Hall Building, 2448r0ad Street* Augusta. Ga.
GEORGE Ad BAILIE,
[LATE OF JVS G. BAILIE & BUG.]
! Be]ectfullv calls the attention of die public to i beautiful line of tho above
j Goods, which he is fa-1 opening in tlie Masonfc Hall building, No. 241 Broad
i Street consisting of beuutiful
• Brussels 3 Ply and Ingrain Carpets. Rustic and Paper Shadi s. all sizes
j Hearth Rugs, Door Mats Cruu b Cloths, Terryn. lteps and Damasks, all coirs
Floor and Table Oil Cloth, all widths, Cane and Upholsterer’s Trimmings,
| Lace aud Nottingham Lace Curtains, Wall Papers in givat variety,
{ Curtain Bands, Loops, limps and Tassels, Borders, Firo Screens and side lights,
i Window Cornices in variety of patterns, rbromos. Picture Cord,
! Window Shades, all colors and sizes, Pieture Tassels and Nails,
[ Window Hollands, all colors.
I respectfully solicit hii examination of my Goods by tho public, whom I have
I beer, among aud waiting upon for the past twenty-live years, guaranteeing to all
! that they will be*waited on pleasantly and promptly.
Besides tho front door main entrance to my store, I havo secured a privato
entrance through the main hnll of the Masonic Hall.
GEORGE A. BAILIE,
244 BROAD STREET, MASONIC HALL BUILDING.
•SSTCarpets made and laid promptly. J will open in two weeks a full stock of
! choice FAMILY GROCERIES, under chi rge of one of Augusta's most competent
and reliable young men. GEORGE A. BAILIE.
sept-3-3 i.
1843. ESTABLISHED 1843
<V. VOLGER,
Importer of and Wholesale and Retail
—DEALER IN
Segars, Tobacco, Pipes, SnufT,
WHISKIES, BE NDIES, RUMS, GINS. RHINE,
CLARET, and CATAWBA WINES, CHAMPAGNES,
MINERAL WATER, etc., a specialty.
UOtll.l It,Sliull JIM
ST. LOUIS, CINCINNATI and MILWAUKEE. Domestic.
TAAISER, BREMER mill PILUMEK. Iniiiorted.
Prices, “Lower Than the Lowest.”
484 <£■ 244 BftQ.'M Sr*, duQUsra, Ga*
sept-3 (im
James G. lUmn,
—DEALER IN
| Carpets, Oil Cloths, Window Curtains
and Shades.
—ALSO—
Choice Family Groceries
AND
Plantation Supplies,
mi BROAD STREET,
old stand i ATTPTTQTA PA
JAS. 0. BAILIE BRO. f AUuUuIA, UA.
sept-3-3 m
$1.50 STOP AT $l5O
j
THE AUGUSTAHOTEL,
Corner of Jiroad and Wash inn ton Sts., Augusta, Ga.
CONVENIENTLY LOCATED TO BUSINESS.
With Telegraph Office in tho Building, and Southern Express Cos. Office
next door to Hotel Building.
Summer Bate of Board per Day. $1.50,
SINGLE MEAtB 50 CENTS. | SINGLE LODGINGS .50 CENTS 1
August 6-3 m W. >f. MOOHE, Propi*i<tor.
Subscribe tor the Journal,
THOMSON, GA., WED3SIESDAY, SIIPTEMBEE 24.1879.
The creak of tho oider press i9 heard
in the laud,
Aud long, clean straws are in demnnd
The Prince of Wales is said to owe
the small amount of $3,000,000.
Sharks are reported in the Missis
sippi river near Vidalia, Lomsiuna.
Man believes that to be a lie which
eoutradiots the testimony of his own
iguorance.
The angola of die Sunday schools
ure sometimes the demons of the
melou patch. .. w
Wliiskey was used in a communion
service at Jamaica Plains, Mass., by
the sexton’s blunder.
The average womau is composed of
242 bones, 160 muscles, 22 old news
papers, and 210 hairpins.
Tho last slave sold in the South
brought SOOO. The ccnisi deration
was in cabbages at $1 per bead.
In Nebraska there is a laconic epi
taph over the grave of a citizen re
( c.ently deceased : “He Twisted a
! Mulc’h Tail."
—■ - T
The Upson Enterprise states lbat
| in the last three years twelve
! have oeen burned to death in hud
1 near Thomaston.
\ - . .■ :■ ■
An angry mother at Sittingbonrue,
| England, who threw a ku’fe at her
, two boys because they quarrelled,
i killed oue of them. -
| A recent storm in Denmark d|-
: stroyed over one lmudred farm-hous
j os, killed fifty p rsons and did ideal
I cnlable damage to crops.
Tho New Orleans picaypue ol>-
| serves that a colored mUu can walk
j with a watermelon under each arm
; while he is eating a third.
George Lcclereq, of Copper City,
Pa , stuck a giant powder cartridge
into his mouth, lit the fuse, and thej
explosion literally blew uis head off. I
! Professor Paige has discovered in
i Wjomii g Territory the antediluvian
j remains of a monster which was ata
least eighty feet long and 'eigjgfl
high.
V o i V-’l. w m' .Strublu.iuflHß
bled pel sons to read a
Ballston, 7J miles distant, on a (tnru®
irght. A powerful reilector was
used.
Ex-Senutor .lames A. Bnysrrl, ou?e
a lender in the Units; 1 States Senate,
and father of tho present Senator, is
now badly broken down in body and
mind.
In tho midst of her wedding festiv
ities, tlie bride of John Burr, of Wal
lingford, Conn., saw one o{ her old
uilmirers, aud that night she eloped
witii him.
The question arises whether Bui
Butler can be a Demoeralio, a Re
publican and an Independent candi
date all at the same time, with oue
eye tied behind hhr..
Win. 11. Vanderbilt has just given
3100,000 for a gymnasium and the
erection of a civil engineering and
scientific hall at the Vanderbilt Uni
versity, Nashville, Tenn.
The manufacture of artificial clover
seed is now a flourishing business in
Germany. They are fragments of
gravel, agitated in a revolving drum
with a certain coloring matter.
The supply of qnicksivcr exceeds
tlie demand, and the prices have full
en to thirty-three cents a pound in
San Francisco, which is twenty per
cent, less than it was ever known be
fore.
An Illinois farmer astonished De
catur by going iuto that place with a
triau of six wagons, ladeu with 375
bushels of barley, and drawn by a
steam road locomotive of his,QWU.,itt-.
ventiou.
A Florida man who owns 150,000
cattle is a recluse. He lives iu a
shanty which lias neither fire-place
uor chimney. Sells h s surplus cat
tle in Cuba, seldom sees msu, and
hides his money iu cans.
A striking window ornament is
made as follows; Tako ono woman
weighing about 200 pounds, with a
neck like a stove pipe and hair un
combed, and let her throw up tho
sash, look up aud down and cull out.
“Reuben, you come in here or I’ll
take your hide off.”
The house of James Buckiuham,
in Milford, Conn., was struck by
lightning and was somewhat dam
aged. The most remarkable circum
stance iu connection with it is that
Mrs. Buckingham, who had been de
ranged for several years, hod her
reason completely restored by the
shock.
The forest near Dillon, Kan., has
an uncommon hermit In the person
of a young and not ngly Woman, who
lodges in a rude hut, oats vegetables
and game of her own getting, and
will not say a word to persons who
iutrnd- ut>on her. It is conjecture.l
that she is iiisa io; b it, aside Irutn
her lonely mode of hie, there is noth
ing iu her conduct to #Ut am that be-
I lief,
PARTED.
[L-n is on the death of Mrs. Anti • I
Willingham, aaiectdd by Mn. Allie
Graham, Little Hook, Ark. For the
bereaved Husband ]
Aud we have parted dear one —thou art
gone t
Gone in thy bloom, meek, suffering one,
Thy merry spirit breathed itsoll to sleep
So peacefully it reemed a sin to weep.
Doath stole iu softness o’er that lovely
face,
And touched each feature with a new
born grace,
In my last hour bo heaven ro kind to
me;
I ask no more than this—to die like thee.
Vos we are parted Autsie—thou art dead!
"Un its last Testing place I laid thy head;
Then by the coffin side I knelt down
aud took,
A husband's farewell kiss and farewell
look.
Ah! then I felt that thou hadst passed
away,
That the sweet face I gazod on was but
clay,
Then came memory with her busy
throng
Of tender images forgotten long,
Years hurried back and they swiftly
rolled,
I saw thee, hoard thee, as in days of old
Sad aud uioro sad each sacred feeling
grew,
Manhood was moved and sorrow claim
ed her duo.
PERFECTLY HEARTLESS.
{ {HETTY! y h, rather, but
41 heartless!” said old Mrs.
(Tp? Holmes to I)r. Stanley,
with whom she was conversing
at a large, brilliant party,
"Heurtlcss! with that sensitive
mouth, and those oyes, so full of
expression?" said the gentleman,
musingly.
“I don’t admire her stylo of
beauty at all. She looks like a
wax doll, and her heart leagues is
so proverbial. Since her uncle
left her so wealthy she has had
lovers by the score, and she flirts
with every ono. YVhy, look at
her now !"
Dr. Stanley's followed the
direction iu which tho lady
waved her fan, and rested on the
central figure of a group around
tho piano. It was a lady, young
and fair, with a tall exceedingly
ibeuutiful figure, pure Greek
large blue eyes.—
HVnmr wusslion, bin the re.fl
mad.; a Inimo
lace Her dress was of a
PIT lace, ornamented with
flowers aud dark green leaves.
She was conversing quietly with
a knot of gentlemen, and Dr.
Stanley sauntered over to the
group.
“Miss Marston," said one gen
tleinan, “whut bus become of Mr.
Harold Graham ?"
Her hands swept over tho
ivory keys * f the grand piano,
iu the moa urea of a brilliant
walls, when another of the
group, supposing that Miss
Marston dij not hear the ques
tion said: “Perhaps ho has com
rn'ttcd sucide.”
“It is three wooks since lie dis
appeared,’’ said another.
“Ah! I hope not,” said Miss
Marston, “wo wunt his tenor for
our next musical soiree. ll
would ho too provoking for him
to commit suicide.”
“Mrs. Holmes was right,"
thought Dr. Stanley, “she is per
fectly heartless. Poor Harold!”
Ho turned from tho piano; but
stopped as tho full, rich voice
broke out into song. Miss Mars
ton was singing Schubert’s “Last
greeting,” and into tho mourn
ful words sho poured such wail
ing, energy and deep pathos,
that gr ups after groups in tho
large rooms ceased their gay con
verse to listen to the music.
“Can sho sing so, without
heart or / ‘fig?” muttered tho
doctor, again drawing nearer to
TBe jifuee.
“Ellen," said a young lady, as
tho lust note of song died away
—“Ellen, do play a polka now.”
A contemptuous smile played
for a moment on Ellen Marston's
lins , then nodding good-natured
ly, she dashed off into a lively
polka, which soon molted the
group round tho piano iuto mur
ry dancers, and Dr. Stanloy with
the rest.
Tho next morning Miss Mars
ton sat in her boudoir, writing a
letter. Peop over her shoulder
and read the sentence: “All hol
low and heartless! Miriam, you
blame mo for flirting; you are
not hero 10-soo bow they follow
me merely lor my money. Not
ono true heart amongst all of
them! There was ono Harold—”
A knock at the door intornq
ted her.
1 Come in!’’and a woman en
ters with several articles of
needlework.
“Good morning," said Ellen
pleasantly, “how is Torrence this
morning?”
“O. Miss, it's beautiful ho is
to-day. Suro, Miss, it’s many a
one expects their drosses sick or
' we!!; anl isn’t T’-’rry sitting up
the day playing with tho toys
ye sint hi u ; and Pat, that I kept
from sehool, a minding him.”
“Where’s tho bill, Mary?”said
Ellen, taking out her purse.
“Oh, Miss, you don’t owe
Mary O’Brien a penny. There’s
the money you left to pay the
doctor with, and the money ye
gave mo in advance last week;
suro, Miss, it's in your debt I am
for needlework for the rest of
yonr life."
“What I gave Torrence has
nothing to do with my bill,” snid
Ellen, rapidly counting out some
money.
“Mis.' Ellen—said Mary O’-
Brien, and thou she stopped.
“Well, Mary?"
“Suro, Miss, you do so much
good with your money, I am
ashamed to tell you—.”
“Tell mo what?”
“Well, Miss, it's about the
young man that rintod my room.
Yo mind wlioro the widder died
lust autumn. lie came a week
I g°, Miss, and ho never came
down stairs for lliroo days, Miss;
so this morning I wint up, and
ho is sick with the favor —out of
his heud entirely, Miss. If you
would only send—”
“Wait Mary; I'll go with you.”
Throwing off her rich silk
wrapper, Ellon put on a dark
gray dress and thou added a
close silk bounot, with a thick
veil.
“Como, Mary;" and tho two
left the house together.
In a low, close loom, on a pul
let bed luy Mary O’Brien’s lodg
er. The face whieh lay against
the coarse ti*king of the ) illow
was such as one fancies for that
of liia favorite poo'.. Tho hair
was dark, waving over a broad.
white forehead ; the eyes hazel,
large and full; aud the features
delicate. Usually the face was
palo, hut now crimson with le
ver. Tho eyes were fierco and
wild. But even with all this,
the luce was beautiful with til
most an uncarting beauty, In
that poor low room Ellen came
like a saving angel. Sho gave
ono glunco at tho sick man’s
face, then crossed the room to
his side.
“Ellen !” said the sick tutu;;
“Ellcu.”
“lie knows me,” she murmur
etl, drawing back.
But the young man moaned
her name again, ami then broke
forth iuto wild, delirious ravings.
“Mary,” said Ellon, “send Put
lick to nte.”
Mary loft the room, and Ellon
turned to tho table to find paper
and pencil. She wrote hasty
notes, one to her housekeeper
for pillows und sheets ; an<l tin
other to Dr. Stanley, who did
not guess who was tho friend
thut sent him so much practice
among tho poor patients and
saw that he wa< well paid.
Having dispatched Patrick
with tho notos, Ellen tried to
muko tho dosolato room scorn
moro hotneliko. D “ting from
the tablo a waistcoat, something
dropted from the pockou to the
floor. It was a small miniature
case, open, and painted on tho
ivory was Ellen’s face.
A smile gentle and pitying
canto to her lips.
“He did love me, then, really
—really love me; and would not
seek nte, with tlie fortune hunt
ers who follow me I This is t lie
loason I havo missed him so
long.”
“Arrah, Miss ! here's tho doc
tor.”
“Stop him, Mary; 1 will go in
here. Remember, Mary, you
don’t know my namo;” and El
lon went into anotbor room —a
vacant ono adjoining that of tho
invalid's. Tho door was ajar,
and Dr. Stanley's first exclama
tion reached her.
“Harold! Ilavol found you
at last, and iu such a place?"
Ellen’s oyos ranged over the
capabilities of the room in which
she stood, saj'ing, “It will do;
it is larger and bettor than the
other, but a poor place at the
Dest."
The next day, when Dr. Stan
ley called to boo his patient,
Mary O’Brien, with a pardon
ablo pride, ushered him into tho
room that had been vacant be
foro. A soft carpet was on the
floor, und a firo in the grate, tho
latter shaded from tho bed by n
neat ecreou. Soft white muslin
curtains draped tho windows-
Tho bod could hardly bo recog
nized with its white pillows,
counterpain and sheets. A littlo
table stood beside tho bed, with
the medicines he had ordered,
and an exquisslo goblet of cool-
ing drink.
“The lady, yc mind, I told you
of that suit yc to Terrence," s in
Mary, “she sint all these nice
things and helped me lo arrange
them yesterday, and my good
man and I moved him iu to-day,
so she'll find him here when she
comes. It’s asleep lie's been for
better’n two hours."
Two hours ! Harold was still
sleeping, hut he soon awoke and
looked with surprise about him.
Tho cold, cheerless aspect of tho
place was changed ns if by en
chantment; and—Harold thought
he was dreaming—an nngel face
bent over him with pitying oyes,
and a smile, tender as a loving
mother’s over her darling child.
“Ellen!" ho whispered, "Oh,
that l could die in' such a
dream.”
Was it a dream—that sweet
voice answering him.
“Harold, you will not die ; you
will live for me. Your genius
shall bo recognised, your pic
tures sought. No more strug
gling for life, but only for fame.”
Aud tho tears fell as sho spoke.
Dr. Stanley, standing in the
doorway, recognized the ball
room belle, the object of his
friond's long, silent, hopeless
love.
Softly lo glided down the
stairs, for he knew that a bettor
medicine than lie could prescribe
was within the patient's grasp.
A short timo after, tho world
said, “Just to think of Ellen
Marlson, rich und such a belle,
marrying Harold Graham, tho
poor artist!”
THE OLD, OLD STORY.
The pa tor’p little daughter
Sith smiling iu the suu.
Beside her on tho old stone bencL
The story book just done,
And lurking in her wine-brown eyes
A story just begun.
For yonder, pruning the apple trees,
Behold tho farmer’s son.
Slowly adown tho pathway
The pastor comes and goes.
And settles with his long lean hand
The glasses on his nose.
brown brunch before
So beautiful a rose ?
\h, ho thinks his blossom only a bud,
Though ho watches it as it blows.
Is it tho story of Moses
In his rush-wrapped cradle found,
Or of Joswpb and his brethren,
He thinks as ho glances around?
“You have finished your volume, Amy;
It is something scriptural aud sound ?"
\nd his little daughter blushes atul starts,
And her hook falls to tho ground,
Go on with your walk, good pastor,
You do not yourself deceive;
It has been a scriptural story
Since Adam first kissed Eve.
And never blush, little lassie,
Tho tale was written above;
No other so spoaks of heaven
As ibo old, old story of love.
A Thoughtful Husband.
If bo had confined himself to
his legitimate quill-driving du
ties, thero would havo been no
occasion for him to havo boon
strutting around with his it ft
hand in a sling, a patch on his
noie and an nbsnrdold gum shoo
on ono foot. Ho was, however,
only another victim of that ego
tistical opinion of all men, that
they can do anything hotter
than a woman. He went homo
lho other day and found his
wife putting up peaoitos in those
old-fashioned tin cans thut closed
with scaling wax. Stio had an
aprou on, and two or three little
blotches of scaling wax orna
mented the flo >r, wiilo tho cat
under tho table was licking a
pioco tho sizo of a postage stamp
with assiduity.
“Seo here, Maria," lie said,
“you’ll cripple yourself with that
hot wax directly;" hut she made
no. answer, and he continued
oracularly: “Women never have
any mochunical genius, anyway.
If there is a way of doing any
thing wrong they are suro to
try it.”
“Do you think you can do
any better?" sho observed with
s mo acidity.
“Why, of course I can."
“Well, here, just dist ngtiish
yourself, then.”
So ho sat down. >She handed
him a fresh can, just out of the
hot water. He took it iti his
hand and dropped it as though it
had been a s'reak of lightning;
while he stuck his fingers in his
mouth and looked suddon death
at lior because he couldn’t swear.
Sho gave him a towel to hold
tho next ono with, and he took
it on his knee, lighting tho seal
ing wax slick, and commenced
prodding around tho top, but
the bottom burnt his knee, ami
ho jerked, hi inging tho burning
wax across tho back ol l.is loft
hand. Then he jumped up and
howled, dropped the can. which
emptied a spoonful of burning
preserves into his slipper. This
mado him frantic, and bo wont
dancing about, the kitchen like
IN’o. 40.
an inebriated dervish, wavii g
tho burning wax until a drop
took him t n the nose. In hts
anger he kicked the offending
can through the window, scat
tering its contents over the dog,
who rushed into the street howl
ing and raising an alarm of mad
dog, which occupied tho atten
tion of ail the people within
three sqtia es. Then he submit
ted to be laid on the sofa, and
plastered with flour and sweet
oil, until ho looked like a bad
preparod scarecrow. He is will
ing to make an affidavit the size
of a barn door that lie will let
tho women bo just as awkward
as they choose.
A Vicious Plaster.
A gentleman who had an acute
pain in hts side, yesterday, put a
mustard plaster of powerful
draining capacity over tho af
fected region, tied i, on with a
bandage, and started for his
place of business. When upon
Mnin Gross he was horrified to
find that the plaster had become
loose, dropped many degrees be
low its original position, and had
commenced chawing tho solid
moat ol his ham. He thrust bin
hand ir.to his pocket to remedy
the evil, hut could not choke the
plaster off’. It bad established a
residence there, and he could
feel (ho skin Using into a blub
ber under its powerful suction.
He rushed info a business homo
to retire up stairs or somewhere
where he could fix things differ
ently, hut just as he entered ho
met a nit; her of lady friends
who a'l sc. od delighted to see
him. They hud some kind of
i nlorpi i-e on hand and wanted
; hi.m to contribute. He sjtid he'd
see them again, and they said it
was an old dodge, and ho writh
ed in tig ny. Tho piaster was
getting at its work—pumping tho
water fiorn ids system at every
pore; and when ho finally darted
out of the stol e and
an alloy w ith his hair Standing
on end, those l adies raised their
hands and said, “Did you ever!.’
Who would have thought that
Mr. would have been bo pe
nurious.
Tezaa Table Talk.
A San Antonio gentleman re
cently had occa in to visit w
neighboring town. He did not
expect much iu the way of ac-
Miiiinioil itioii ui tin- local hotel,
and in thi- his anticipations wore
more than realized. He was
very hungry, but had I lie luck
to lose most of his appetite be
fore he got through with his
dinner, owing to his discovering
a few blonde hairs in the soup,
lie thought thu landlord would
feol very had about it, hut tbo
gentleman merely remarked, as
ho excavated a perishing fly
from tlie liiitter: “All I ask is,
Judge, that you don't fish ’em
out with your linger. You have
got to use a fork. 11 is ouo of
tho rules of the house that no
gem Inman is expected to put his
fingers in the vittles. This ain t
no railroad town, hut, when it
comes to style ami tone wo car
ry off i lie n!ue ribbon ovciy time
j tho horn loots. '
Western Cooing.
They were leaning on the hub
itstrade of the bridge, looking
into the water. He had a hand
like a palm leaf fan, an car like u
picklo-dish, and n i collar. Sho
hail a foot like a centre table and
no teeth. They were cooiog.—
He cooed first, and in a tone as
gentle and musical us a Kansas
zopliy r lie said : “Nancy, jos as
soon es I sell my purlato-s, I’m
g)in’ lo claim you fur bettor or
fur wits." Then she cooed, an 1
with t o customary shreadnes'
that women aio wont lo display
in emergences, she quoriioJ in a
soil, sweet monotone, “Buck,
what are talers feteliiu’ in the
stores now?" And thus did
they coo 'till it got too cool.
A Remarkable Pond.
On the top of Pros met Moun
tain, near Addison, Vermont, is
a remarkable pond about three
quarters of an acre in ex;cnf.—
Except a small space in the ecu
ter, it is covered with it thick
moss, strong enough to walk
upon Poles are pushed through
tho moss at any point, but none
Imvo over touched bottom, yet
there aro large, trees growing
and people wufk in safety. Tho
moss forms u thick mat or car
pet, and is described as being
exquisitely bountiful.
Adrertiti# iu tho 'Joiibval.