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not imagine that a kitchen garden was ever
intended as the hospital to cure all the “ ills
that flesh is heir to. ”
“ LIES LIKE TRUTH.”
We regret to perceive the Electric Tele
graph becoming so very sadly addicted to
falsehood, that we never know when the fluid
is speaking the truth. If the wires were the
wires of a harp, they could scarcely represent
such a ferocious lyre as the Electric Telegraph
turns out to be. The old saying, “Between
you, and me, and the post, l don’t believe a
word of it,” is beginning to be strikingly ap
plicable to what is going on between you
(reader!) and me, and the posts of the Elec
tric Telegraph. We may with justice say to
the fluid, “ Illess me! how you do run on !”
when we find it telling lies at the rate of hun
dreds of miles in half a second. We think
an action for libel would lie against the Tele
graphic bar for impugning the fidelity of the
Army, and we can only express our surprise
that the wire, which seems generally pretty
rigid in adhering to the straight line, should
have allowed itself to fall into such very loose
observations.
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OUR OWN ELECTRIC TELEGAPH.
As we find our contemporaries are in the
habit of producing immense effect by news
manufactured expressly for them at the offices
of the Electric Telepraph, we have some idea
of establishing a little Electric Telegraph of
our own, for the production of startling intel
ligence. In order to give our readers an idea
of the kind of article we should be enabled to
furnish, sve beg leave to lay before them one
or two specimens. Os course we should head
our news in the usual manner, and the usual
type, with the words
BY ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH.
A beadle has just galloped through Ken
sington, on a donkey, with the report that
the pump at Hammersmith is in flames, the
spout torn out, and the handle in the hands
of the Chprtists. The police are said to have
been tampered with, and a Sergeant has been
seen with a pint pot at his lips, drinking suc
cess to the five, six, or as many points as the
insurgents are willing to propose to him.
A gentleman whom somebody has seen,
and whom nobody knows, has arrived, out
of breath and out of cash, at our office, with the
announcement of his having been plundered
by a mob, who, he says, are in possession of
the capital ; but we have not been able to
learn whether he alludes to the capital he had
in his purse, or whether he uses the word
capital with a more important meaning. He
states—at a guinea a line—that the teeth
have been torn out of the policemen’s rattles :
that Pummell has been well pummelled ; that
the charity-boys have been called out, but up
on the master seeing them in the street, they
were all called in again. The omnibus time
keeper has lied—continues our breathless and
cashless informant—Kensington runs with
gore as far as Gore House, anil the omnibus
es are being sent as barricades, to block up
Fleet Street in the usual manner.
THE WEAKNESS OF HUMAN-NA
TURE.
A young author wrote to his father a let
ter of the best resolutions. Amongst other
glowing promises, he said, “ I am tired of jok
ing, and ashamed of punning. Light litera
ture is to me now so heavy, that I am resolv
ed no longer to support the burden. I am
determined to go in for higher things.”
The next week he went up in a balloon !
Alas! for the goodness of young men's in
tentions !!
OUR OWN ALARMING INTELLI
GENCE. *
Our penny-a-liners in the agricultural dis
tricts tells us that drilling has been extensive
ly practised in most of the English provinces,
and that the ellbcts are beginning to show
themselves in a general rising all over the
country. As we, happily, never believe a
word that our penny-a-liners write to us, we
transmitted one of our confidential scouts (we
keep fifty at a thousand a year each) to in
quire into the truth of our Reporter’s reports,
and we have ascertained that there has been
a vast quantity of drilling (with reference to
turnips,) and that the rising of the crops
throughout the land is general.
PRIZE CONUNDRUM.
Q, What is the greatest abuse of all, that
the country contains I
A. Quack medicine. Because it is the most
undoubted sine-cure !
§®® TF SHE IB El H, BIT gSA IE ¥ &A%HiV if Is ♦
£l)c tUorkinq illan.
THE MECHANIC'S SATURDAY NIGHT.
BY JOHN P. ELLIS.
Oh ! sweet is the home of the toil worn Mechanic,
When labor is hushed in the stillness of night:
When the hum of commotion, disaster and panic,
Is still as the stars in their orbit of light.
But sweeter by far is the neat little mansion,
Where o’erflowing boards in their industry
speak ;
When the sweat covered wages by widest expan
sion,
Replenish his stores at the close of the week.
With plenty all smiling in natural splendor—
With products of nature, delicious and sweet
And the choicest of viands his earnings can ren
der,
All clustering high in his lowly retreat.
How rich is the banquet —how great the profusion,
How happy the man when his laborings cease ;
When his efforts are yielding the greatest diffu
sion,
Os harmony, happiness, pleasure and peace.
Oh ! bright is the hearth of the Workman at even,
And kindly the feelings his bosom must know,
When his generous heart in its fullness hath given
The bread he has earned by the sweat of his
brow.
And how sweet is the scene of the family pleasure
The holy affections they fondly retain ;
When he clasps to his breast his own loving trea
sure,
And fondles his little ones over again.
Ye spirits of mercy, look down on his dwelling,
And guard his abode in the midst of alarm ;
When the surges of poverty are frightfully swelling,
Or frowns o’er his cottage adversity’s storm.
Oh ! come like a pilot ot truth on the ocean,
And guide his lone bark to the haven he’d seek ;
And render his life in his country’s devotion,
As sweet as his home at the close of the week.
IMPROVING THE CONDITION OF THE
LABORER.
There is a great deal of mock philanthropy
on this subject, which ought not to pass for
more than it is worth—Men talk fluently
about the education of the working-classes,
the melioration of their physical circumstan
ces, and the like, and often wind up with
some highflown phrases about the dignity of
labor, and the equal rights of man. At the
same time, these very men are devoting all
their energies to the support of a system,
which must necessarily depress the laborer,
and defraud him of his inherent rights. They
are perfectly willing to pocket the avails of
the poor man’s labor, but shudder at the
thought of being obliged themselves to take
part in his toil; they would as lief go to the
luneral of a daughter or a sister as to see her
a houshold drudge or a factory girl, but they
are eloquent apostles of progressive democra
cy, and no doubt, gain many votes, by their
loud talk in favor of the rights of labor. But
so long as labor is toilsome and repulsive as
it now is, every body who can do so, will get
rid of it, and of course, mnst be supported by
the industry of another. Labor, must be so
organized that it will be attractive to all, that
all will engage in it, and that all will reap the
fruits of their endeavors. Nature lias made
physical existence a necessity, and under con
genial circumstances a pleasure—She has al
ways made a pair ot hands, where she has
made a human stomach and brain. A man
might as well be all stomach, all brain, as to
think of living without the use of his hands.
And what better use of the hands, than pro
ductive industry,—industry that will feed the
mouth, clothe the back, and provide the eye
and ear with all the delights which they
crave.
Pljilosopljj) for tljc People.
GRAVITATION OF ELECTRIC FLUID.
Mr. Lake, ol the Royal Laboratory, Ports
mouth, has communicated to the Lancet the
results of a singular experiment, which ap
pears to show that the electric agent is really
fluid, and that when collected so as not to
exert its powers of attraction and repulsion, it
obeys the laws of gravitation like carbonic
acid and other gases. The electric fluid was
received in a Leyden jar insulated on a glass
plate. At the lower part of the jar was a
crack in the side of a star-like form, and from
around this the metallic coating was removed.
On charging the jar, it was observed that the
electric fluid soon began to flow out in a
stream from the lower opening; and on con
tinuing the working of the machine, it flowed
over the lip of the jar, descending in a faint
luminous conical stream (visible only in the
dark) until it reached the level of the outside
coating, over which it became gradually dif
fused, forming,, as it were, a frill, or collar.—
W hen the jar was a little inclined on on^
side, there was a perceptible difference in the
time of its escape over the higher and lower
parts of the lip, from the latter of which it
began to flow first. On discontinuing the
working of the machine, the fluid first ceased
to flow at the lip of the jar, and then at the
lower aperture. On renewing the operation,
it first re-appeared at the lower aperture, and
afterwards at the mouth. This very ingenious
experiment appears to establish the fact, that
the electric fluid is material, and is influenced,
under certain circumstances, by the laws of
gravitation. Mr. Lake proposes for it the
name of pyrogen ; but this is inconvenient,
because it is already applied to certain chemi
cal products.— Medical Gazette.
WASH FOR BUILDINGS.
Take six quarts of lime, and one quart of
clean rock salt for each gallon of water —the
salt to be dissolved by boiling, and the im
purities to he skimmed off. To five gallons
of this mixture (salt and lime) add one pound
of alum; half a pound of copperas, three-four
ths of a pound of potash (the last to be added
gradually,) four quarts of fine sand, or hard
wood ashes. Add coloring to suit the fancy.
It should be applied with a brush. It looks
as well as paint, and is as lasting as slate. It
stops small leaks, prevents moss from grow
ing, and renders the wood incombustible.—
Ashes from a blacksmith’s forge will do as
wel as copperas. Sulphate of copper will
make a bluish color, and copperas a huff.
I in I
FLYING SEED.
The pollen of plants, on examination with
a microscope, is found to consist of small
globules, or balloons, filled with hydrogen
gas, and being thus lighter than air, they
lloat about until they light upon other plants
of the same species, which in a state of hy
bradation, are covered with a glutinous sub
stance that holds those balloons fast, and the
action of the sun bursts them and they im
pregnate the plant.
i ■ >
HOUSES OF UNBURNT BRICKS.
Houses of unburnt bricks may be made per
fectly wind and water proof by being covered
externally with a thin coat of mastic which
is prepared by mixing very coarse sharp sand
or sifted road drift, with dry White Lead and
Litharge, beaten up with Linseed oil, and
rendered sufficiently soft to work well with a
trowel, This plastering becomes in a short
time so hard as to resist a nail, and will stand
for an age without cracking or needing re
pair. For inside plastering sharp sand and
lime mortar is sufficient; papering the walls
when dry.
> M |, |
VARNISH FOR WOOD PATTERNS.
The most simple varnish, combined with
adaptation, is the following :—1 quart of al
cohol and a quarter of a pound of gum shel
lac, this put into a bottle and when wanted
for use mix up a little lamp black about the
thickness of cream and varnish the pattern o
ver, rubbing it into the grain of the wood, un
til a slight friction produces a polish: this
varnish serves two purposes, it makes a smooth j
surface on the pattern, making it more easily ‘
drawn from the sand, and secondly fills up all j
pores or worm holes that may be in the wood,
consequently, a cleaner, smoother casting is
produced. The tendency of rubbing patterns
with oil and lamp-black is to open the grain
and pores and produce those rough castings
which require both labor and expense to pol- I
ish. — Scientijic American .
i ’jyjpjam
“What a beautiful statute, I declare,”
exclaimed Mrs. Partington, on beholding the j
Greek Slave. “Poor thing, how bad she must i
feel to be perched up on that pedal, to be
stared at by everybody!” and the old lady
was about to wipe a tear from the corner of
her quiet eye, when she added, ” but la, it’s
only a sculptur, and don't know any more ;
than the graven image poor Mr. Partington j
brought home from Yucatan, if it is more gen- !
teel.”
JA gentleman praising the generosity i
of his friend, observed that he spent money i
like water.” -Then of course he liquidated
his debts,’ rejoined a wag.
B®* A damsel in Ayrshire, having two lov- |
ers,[and not knowing which to prefer, settled j
the matter by marrying one and immediately !
elopeing with the other.
It is said that even the most honest
girls in the North are in the habit of hooking
each other's dresses? Horrible depravity.
B®* “Friend, friend, said a newly arrived
Irishman, holding a wasp between his fin
gers, “what kind of a baste is this ? och,
murther ! spake quick for he bites very hard.
A Column Crectci) to fun.
THERMOMETER AND THE RACES
“ Bub, what are you fussing round with the
thermometer for ?” lately inquired a farther
of his hopeful heir, who was handling the in
strument in question.
“I want to find out about the heat, p a ,”
replied the child, without glancing off the
thermometer.
“ But you've had time to discover the de
grees; here it is ten minutes you’ve been look
ing at it,” observed the indulgent sire, who
trembled for the safety of the instrument.
“ Well, I ain't looking after the heat of to
day,” impatiently answered the boy. “I’m
) after for what Bill meant when he told me
| he’d been to the races and seen a “three mile
heat.”
The papa put up the thermometer.
CAPITAL PUN. .
A friend at Cambridge, speaking of Dr.
Gilman’s “ Dudleian Lecture on the Evidence
of Revealed Religion,” delivered, not long
since, at Harvard, says :
“It was a splendid, cogent, scholarly dis
course. In it the speaker alludes to the “Ves
tiges of Creation,” and doubted the alleged
production of winged insects from pulverized
flint-stone by electricity, on the ground that
the experiment had never been successfully
repeated. “A witty law friend instantly
whispered a ‘demurrer,” “for,” said he the
“ the experiment has been made from time
immemorial. Winged insects not pro luced from
silicious stone! Why, the doctor’s beside
himself. Always when the flint is struck by
steel, it makes the fire-t\ y!”
FREAKS OF GENIUS.
“Kitty, where’s the frying pan?”
“ Johnney’s got it, carting mud and clam
shells up the alley with the cat for a horse.’ ’
u The dear little fellow, what a genius he
will make: but go and get it. We’re going
to have company, and must fry some lish for
dinner.”
<
THE NEW FASHION.
} “What’sthe news, to-day?” inquired Mrs.
Moreland, dropping her spectacles, as her
husband came in.
“The reign of petticoats is over,” was the
reply. “1 walked down Broadway to-day,”
said Mr. M., “and didn’t see a lady who
wore more than four.”
“La! Mr. Moreland, how you talk!—do
you mean to intimate that all the ladies are
leaving oil* their petticoats ?”
“Not all oi ’em, I hope—only about twelve
: out of fifteen.”
1 i>
BURKE DEFEATED AND PUT TO
FLIGHT.
Burke rose in the House with some papers
in his hand, upon which he intended to make
a motion, when a rough-hewn member started
up and exclaimed, “ Mr. Speaker, I hope the
: Honorable member does not intend to read
, that large bundle of papers, and to bore us
with a long speech into the bargain.” Mr.
Burke was so suffocated with rage as to lose
all utterance, and absolutely ran out of the
house : upon which George Selwyn remark
ed. it was the only time that e had seen the
table realized—“A lion pul to death by the
| braying of an ass.”
THE ANTI-TAKING-BABIES-INTO
- SOCIETY-
A meeting of this highly respectable asso
ciation was held at their rooms. Mr. Job
Smith, a worthy and athletic bachelor, was
called to the chair, and the usual quantity of
vices and secretaries appointed. The com
mittee appointed at a previous meeting, report
ed the following as the principles of the So
ciety
1. e consider the practice of taking in
iants into public assemblies, concerts, &c., as
an evu that cries aloud for remedy.
2. While we would not breathe the faintest
reproach towards the highly respected class
of the community who officiate as nurses, we
strongly protest against introducing their ba
bies into public meetings, knowing as we
do, that it can only be done by resort to arms.
3. \\ hile we acknowledge that a lartre ma
jority of our fellow creatures are, or have been
babies, we consider it to be a fact that it is a
very small minority who support these crying
evils.
4. We cannot shut our eyes to the numer
ous evidences of this evil ; indeed, we have
known instances of late where it was found