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MUSES* RETREAT.
IDEAL GRIEF .
Now darkness envelopes the grove,
And dies the last gleam of the weft,
Whilst o’er the rough defart I rove,
Indulging fad thoughts in my breast;
Nor whirlwinds that ftcrnly resound,
Nor billows that irefully roll
All winter’s grim horrors around,
Can equal the storm in my foul.
I climb the rude rocks in the dark,
Till, wearied, I fall on the ground;
On days that are flown 1 remark,
L* Whilst galling reflexions abound t
I dwell on the falflioods of art;
Remember the tales I believ’d;
And, weeping, deplore my fond heart,
In love and in friendfliip deceiv’d.
•
All comfort is flown from my light,
But solitude’s gloomy relief;
I ramble forlorn in the night,
To ruminate wild on my grief!
With mempry prompting the sigh,
1 With feelings by villany smote,
i Vile man , from thy dwellings I fly,
To caves of the mountain remote.
My foul with defpondcncy fraught,
Gave way to thole phantoms of care,
When the aftgtl of reason, I thought,
I Thus utter’d a. voice in my car :
’ “ Blind mortal, what makes thee complain
I, “ To frailty thus yielding thy mind ?
“ Mad fancy creates all thy pains,
“ Or pride with wild jombin’d.”
.
j. e^egy,
BY PETER. PINDAR, ESQ.
ON THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE.
j Lo !to the iron hand of fate,
My dear Statira, meek foul’d mate,
Reftgns her tuneful breath.
Though lock’d her teeth, her lips tho’ pale,
And blue cacti harmless finger nail,
She’s beautiful in death.
Soon as I heard thclaft sweet sigh,
And law her lovely doling eye,
i ‘
How great was my surprise.
Yet did I not with impious breath
Arraign the sudden tliafts of death,
Nor blame the righteous Ikies—
Why do I groan in deep despair ?
i. Since flic’s a fir ft rate angel fair—■
Ah! why my bosom finite?
Could grief Statira s lifereftore ?
But, let me give such ravings o’er.
Whatever is—is right.
j Repress the fad, tin?wounding ferearrt,
II I cannot bear such grief extreme,
Enough one little sigh.
||j Besides—the wild uproar of grief
fj In many a nvind might raise belief
JThaPttll our grief’s a lie.
Ye friends who come to mourn her doom,
i For God’s fake gently tread the room,
Nor call her from theblcfl—
Infofteft silence drop the tear,
In whispers breathe the fervent prayer
To bid her spirit rest.
V
I Good people fltroud my lamb with care,
1 Her limbs foft touching, kindly spare,
Her mouth, ah ! gently close
Her mouth, the fwceteft tongue that held,
[ i* ,
| Whose mild, commanding tone compet'd
To peace my loudelt woes.
And carpenter for my fad fake
I Os stoutest oak her coffin make
I’d not be sneaking fure—
| Os steel procure the strongest ferews,
For who would paltry pertce refufe
I To lodge his wife l'ecurc.
(7 Ye mourners, who the corps convey,
, . With caution tread the doleful way,
Nor fluke her precious head—
( t ‘rince fame reports —a coffin toft
UU With carclds riving against a post,
Hi. Did once dillurb the dead.
Urt Farewel my love—forever loft;
Ne’er troubled be thy gentle ghost
lIE That I again may woo;
llßfy all our part delights,my dear,
f.'\o more the marriage chain I'll wear—
A Plague take me if I do.
MISCELLANEOUS REPOSITORY i.
THE MATRIMONIAL CREED.
Whosoever will be married, before
all things it is neceflary that he hold
the conjugal faith ; and the conjugal
faith is this I That there were two ra
tional beings created, both equal, and
yet one superior to the other ; and the
inferior shall bear rule over the supe
rior ; which faith, except every one
keep whole, and undefiled, without
doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly-
The man is superior to the woman,
and the woman is inferior to the man ;
yet both are equal, and the woman
dial! govern the man.
The woman is commanded to obey
the man, and the man ought to obey
the woman ;
And yet there are not two obedients,
but one obedient.
For there is one dominion nominal
of the husband, and another dominion
real of the wife j
And yet there are not two domini
ons, but one dominion.
For, like as we are compelled by the
Christian verity to acknowledge, that
wives mull submit themselves to their
husbands, and be fubjedt to them in all
things ;
So are we-forbidden by the conjugal
faith to fay, that they lhould be at all
influenced by their wills, or pay any
regard to their commands.
The man was n >t created for the
woman, but the woman for the man ;
Yet the man shall be the (lave of the
woman, and the woman the tyrant of
the man :
So that in all things, as aforefaid,
the fubjedlion of the superior to the
inferior is to,be believed.
He, therefore, that will be married,
muff thus think of the woman and the
man.
Furthermore, it is neceflary to fub
millive matrimony, that he also be
lieve rightly the infallibility of th.e
wife.
For the right faith is, that we be
lieve and ccnfefs, that the wife is fal
lible and infallible;
Perfectly fallible, and perfcdlly infal
lible; of an erring foul and unerring
mind fubftiling ; fallible, as touching
her human Nature;’ and infallible, as
touching her female sex.
Who, though lhe be fallible and in
fallible, yet lhe is not two, but one
woman ; who submitted to lawful
marriage to acquire unlawful domi
nion; and promiled religioully to obey,
that lhe might rule with uncontroled
fvvay.
This is the conjugal faith ; which,
except a man believe faithfully, he
cannot be married.
THE BACHELOR’S WILL.
I Lounge.ibout Longdelay, being found
both in body arid mind, but appr. ben
ded ihat I shall Ihortly quit this vain
and forlorn (fate of celibacy, which I
hope to exchange for a more happy
and comfortable-one, through the aid
and indulgence of a kind and virtuous
helpmate, do make and ordain this
my last will and testament. Imprimis.
I give and bequeath to my good
friend mr. W. M. all my manor of
Longd.lay, consisting of several farms
and tncftuages, called and known by
the names of doubts, fears, htjbful/tefs,
irresolution, uncertainty, jicklenefs , ob-
Jlinacy, ijc, being for the m®ft part
wade and barren ground, and much
overgrown with briars, thorns, and
thirties; but capable by proper manage
ment of great cultivation and improve
ment.
Item. I give and bequeath unto my
good friend, mr. J. A. my dwelling
house and cottage ; called bv the name
of Vain Hopes ; fttuatc, lying, and be
ing in Highjiree t, in the town of Ca/lle
Building, in the county of Imagination ;
fifing to the height of seven fteries.
Having a fair garden and profpeft be
fore it, and a large number of windows
in the front; but without any outlet
behind; nor having any conveniences
of asocial nature i to have and to
hold, the said dwelling house, until the
day of his marriage.
Item. I give and bequeath unto my
good friend, mr. W. R. all my wood
land called and known by the name ®f
ambiguity ; which is well planted with
puns, conundrums, quirks , and quibbles ;
together with several impenetrable
brakes and thickets of dull unintelligible
mcomprehevjibitities.
And laltly, I give and bequeath, all
the rest of my bachelor goods and ef
fc£ts, consisting of a la'ge treasure of
whims, fancies, megrims, freaks, reveries,
febernes, projects, and deftgns, to my
aforefaid good friend mr. J. A. whom
I constitute and appoint foie executor
of this my lift will and testament.
Only desiring that he would put a fancy
or two, into the heads of all the old
bachelors, that they may follow me in
to the blefled land of matrimony.
. g>
LEGAL ADVICE.
AN ENGLISH ANECDOTE.
Some years since, one of the sons of
mr. G-—, a well-known Jew, being
on the point of marrying a fair Chris
tian, the father, who had no objedtian
to the religion, but to the smallness of
the fortune, expoflulated with his son
on the absurdity of his conduit; but
the son, vindicating his choice, re
plied, “ Whether you consent or not,
i will marry the lady ; and if you re
fufe to give me a proper share of for
tune, I will turn Christian, claim the
benefit of the law, and ab'ain hall
your property !” At this menace, G—
being greatly confounded, resolved to
consult counsel on the legality of the
dodlrine. He accordingly applied to
a gentleman learned in the law, {fated
his case, and put the necelfary interro
gatories, —The counfellor replied 1 , that
his son, by turning Christian, would,
indeed obtain half hiseftate. “ But,
if you will make me a present of ten
guineas, the graceless dog shall n<3t
obtain a farthing.” At this O— ’s
hope revived ; and instantly putting
ten guineas into the lawyer’s hand,
exprefted his anxiety to know in what
manner he was to proceed. The
counfellor replied, with a smile, ‘ You
have nothing to do, fnr. G , but
to turn Christian yourfelf!’
—O-S*o-SB>o>o4o
LITERARY ANECDOTE.
The whole library of one of the
S:illy Ifies, confided, about fifty years
past, of the Bible and the History o t
Doctor Faustus. The illand was po ;
pulous, and the western peasants being
seldom deficient in literature, the con
juror’s story had been handed from
house to house, until, from perpetual
thumbing, little of his enchantments,
or catastrophe, was left legible. On
this alarming conjundture, a meeting
was called of the principal inhabitants,
and a propofol was made and unani
mously approved, that as soon as the
season permitted any intercourse w-ith
Cornwall, a supply of books should be
sent for. A debate now began, in
order to afeertain what these books
lhould be, and the rcfult was, that an
order should be transmitted to an emi
nent bookseller at Penzance, for him
to fend them another Dodtor Faustus.
—o-o<^o-o
VIRTUE AND VICE.
Where shall we fix the exadl point
of vice in the article of intemperance r
Shall the puling finner, who grows
confufed alter drinking three glades of
Madeira, be liable to a more severe
censure hereafter, than that jolly fel
low, who swallows bottle after bottle,
and bowl after bowl; who fees his
convivial friends totter and fink from
their chairs ; who, in fine, after drink
ing a triumphant farewel buipper, over
the fallen around him, can w'alk coolly
home, and cart up the week’s account
of his house-keeping without an error,
before he goes to bed? Such variation
may be found between one drinker and
another. But who (hall fettle whether
the fin be actually conrtituted by de
privation of reason, or by indulgence
of appetite ? .
—o<o<se>o—
KETTEL’s ODD WHIMS.
Kettel was a Dutchman, who had
acquired great celebrity by painting; <
but not content with the glory ob- jj
tained from studying the belt masters, |
he took it into his head to make him*
felf known by a method entirely new.
To accomplilh this, he laid aside the
pencil, and painted with his fingers.
A portrait, designed tor himfelf, took;
he repeated the practice, and his coun
trymen said, that he executed these
fantartic works with great purity, and
beauty of colouring. In this manner
he finifhed two heads for the fieur Va
nos, of Amsterdam ; t’he one a De
mocritus, the other mr. Morofini, in
the charadter of Heraclitus : and the
pi£fure of Vincent Jacoblon, a noted
wine merchant, with a glass ol Rhenifti
in his hand. As his success increased,
so did his folly. His fingers appeared
too easy tools ; he began, therefore,
to paint with his feet, and the public .
applauded this lart whim, more ex
travagantly than they had done the
former.
— o-m-o^o^o —•
FAREWEL LETTER,
*
FROM A CRIMINAL IN NEWGATE ,
TO HIS AFFLICTED WIFE.
My dearejl w fe,
As I am going to lanch into eter
nity, I hopes you will forgive your
unhappy, who has been a moft undu
tiful husband to you and your pore
children. —Pray God bless us all, and
our children after us, as long as we
live.—My dearest wife, dont be fa
duced by bad women, .which fartinly
brings a man to deftru&ion at last.
The Lord have marcy upon my pore
fowle—my fiends, l hope, will take
my body.—.So no more at ptefent
from
Your loving husband tell death,
Robert Booty.
CondemdOle, Sept. i.
A N E G DOTE.
A clergyman being pofTefTed of a
negro wench to whom a man of her
own complexion paid his addrefles;-
her master having feme objedtion to the
poor suitor, the latter took the liberty
to ask him a qneftion, viz. MaJJar no
veal de e'.ebenth commandment be ? The
parson could not tell. “ Well,*- fays
the negroe, <• me tell uiat it be: De
elebenth commandment is, Bes WAY
EBERY ONE MINE HE OWN BUSI
NESS.”
~-o4o<stc<m>o — >
ODD INSTANCE of REVENGE.
A few years since, an Inhabitant of
Bicefter, in Oxfordfhire (England),
named Carpenter, having been called
cuckold, by a neighbour, took it in such
dudgeon, that, to be revenged on him,
he hanged himfelf, on purport; to de
prive the other of an annuity of thirty
pounds per annum, which he held on
his life.
eon mot.
The late lord Mansfield being in- ,
formed, that miss Sharpe, of 25, ha 4
married a gentleman of 70, quaintly
replied, that she had better have mar
ried two thirty-jive's.
f
APOPHTHEGM.
Nothing so powerfully calls home the
mind as distress; the tense fibres then
relax, the foul retires to itfelf, fits pen
fiveand fufceptibleof right impreflions:
If wc have a friend, ’tis then we think
of him; if a benefadlor, at that moment
all his kindnefles press upon our mind.