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SUMMERS ILLK, GA
J
4
The Ileal Truth.
The London TANARUS, nth sums up tha
Egyptian question in the following way:
“The real truth in regard to our interfer
ence in Egypt is that we went there for
the bondholders, that we have remained
for the bondholders, and that every
effort is being made to force us to remain
for the bondholders. We have no
European mandate, we are fulfilling no
civilizing mission, and as a country, wo
should lie losers rather than gainers were
Egypt made over to ns to-morrow as a
free gift. Europo not sorry to see us
weaken ourselves, and does not object
to our drawing the chestnuts out of the
fire for others. The Egyptians dis
like us because we are Westerns and
Christians, whilst they are Easterns and
Mahometans. We are in precisely the
same fix as was Austria in Lomliardy.
If e establish any form of representa
tive government that is a reality and not
a sham, the first use that will be made
of it will be to bow us out of the country,
bag and baggage. A certain number of
wealthy and powerful persons who have
already made millions ot of the Egyp
tian fleshpots wish to make a few mil
lions more. ‘Unified at 80’ is their cry.
For this wo have spent nearly five mil
lions of our money—for this we are
called upon to undertake compromising
responsibilities, and to act as taskmasters
over the fellahs. Yes, 'Unified at 80’—
this is, in plain words, our civilizing mis
sion. All the rest is shuffling and sub
terfuge, trickery and clap-trap. It is to
the credit of the Prime Minister that he
is one of the few who perceive this,”
The Colored Congressman.
A Washington letter to the Baltimore
American says: Uncle Bob Smalls, the
well known colored man who was in the
last Congress and the one preceding it,
is here again as the successor of Con
gressman Mackey. Uncle Bob, as he is
called in his district, is very popular in
South Carolina. He is quite well off
financially and a person of considerable
education. He retains all the affection
of slave days for his old master and mis
tress. Not long ago his old master died
and in the course of events it transpired
that his wife became quite destitute.
Uncle Bob, who had quietly kept an eye
on the situation, went to her and told
her he wanted her to make his house
her as long as she liked and in
sisted upon her going there, occupying
the best rooms in the house and making
herself as much at home as ever she was
even in her own house. His horse* and
carriages were always at her service, and
his wife waits upon her as carefully and
promptly as she was attended upon
twenty veara ago,
€l)c 3‘ummm)site #itycttc.
VOL XI.
TU E CUUKCnYARD BY THE BE A.
i MEMORY.
Across the waste of yosuh I ace
Ouo spot forever soft aud green
Which, shrined within my memory,
In evening glow or morniug sheen,
Telia of the golden vanished yvara.
When smiles came of toner far than tears.
A churchyard by the restless sea,
Where in deep, calm nml (b rainless sleep,
The Dead lay resting peacefully,
Unheeding the t tempestuous deep;
Careless alike of sun and breeze,
Or ebbing of thoso changeful ecus.
Amt oft when ahipwn ck Hud despair
Caine to the little sea-boat tow n,
Pale women, with disheYcled hair,
To the wild shore went hurrying down,
And tenderly dead eyes would close,
And smooth dead limbs for long repose.
Full many a weary, storm-tossed w ight,
Year after year, in quiet was laid,
Safe from the blustering storms of nigh*
In this green spot and undismayed,
Slept close beside the breakers’ roar,
Whose wrath should mar his rest no more.
And over each low-sleeping head,
Where thyuiy turf grow green aud soft,
The wild bee hummed, and rosy-red
The brier-flower bloomed, and up aloft
The fleecy clouds went drifting by
Like shades, across the summer sky.
And ever as the years go by,
And one by one old memories creep
From out the sweet past solemnly,
I seem to see, beside the deep,
That little, lonely, silent spot,
With many a childish dream omvrought.
—Chamber 8' 8 Journal.
A Lover’s Dilemma.
HOW IIR TOOK THE BREAD OUT OP THE
MOUTHS OF A lIAKLItH CUSTOMERS.
Translated from the French for the Phils. Call.
Fotiparlin-en-Bigurrau was by all odds
tho most wearisome town in the whole
department of tho Oaronne-Inferienre.
Among its 8,500 inhabitants it con
tained only eight pretty girls, a foot
that disgusted all the young men living
within its limits.
One of these eight pretty girls was
Berthe, daughter of M. Agenor Mnleu
frond, one of the two rival bakers of tho
town. Berthe was sweet 10, and would
have had plenty of adorers had not her
father pitilessly driven away all the
yonng men who had ever ventured to
pay her even tho slightest attention. M.
Malcnfroud had amassed considerable
money, and did not wish (his daughter
to become the wife of a gallant without
sou.
Stanislas Coquelard, the town notary’s
youthful clerk, was gifted with a senti
mental soul. He had just reached that
ago when the heart opens to love as the
corolla of a flower to the kisses of the
breeze. Stanislas thought that Pou
parlin should furnish him with other
happiness than contemplating the broad
meadows dnring the day and listening to
the song of the nightingales during the
night.
it was toward the close of April, and,
while he conscientiously copied the no
tary’s documents, the young clerk
thought of the charming Bertho, and
wondered what he could do to get into
the good graces of her hard-hearted
father, who, by the way, was a widower.
3tanislos hod read in the young girl’s
eyes that she was dissatisfied with her
tot, and firmly believed that she would
not be averse to accepting his heart and
hand if ever he got an opportunity to
offer them to her.
Stanislas Coquelard was twenty, and
had abundant faith in the belief that his
time wonld come.
The notary’s house was situated oppo
site the bakery, and occasionally tlie
clerk had exchanged through the win
dows more than one furtive glance with
the pretty Berthe.
Every morning on his way to the no
tary’s, he stopped at the bakery and
bought a son loaf of Berthe, os he paid
for it, he rolled his eyes after the fashion
of a young man who is desperately
smitten and intends that the object of
his adoration shall know it.
On her side, the baker’s daughter was
far from regarding Stanislas in a way to
discourage him.
Such a state of things conhl not last
very long without producing the usual
result.
The baker made his bread during the
day, then went to bed and did not rise
until it was time to begin baking, to
ward half-past ten at night.
One evening the clerk, taking advan
tage of the moment when M. Malen
frond was still slumbering while await
ing the hour at which his nocturnal toil
was to commence, fell at Berthe’s feet
and began a speech, to which ho added
the most expressive pantomime. Ho
eDded by asking her to marry him.
Berthe, unused to such masculine elo
quence, was melted, and in a low voice
consented to unite her destiny to his.
Stanislas, greatly affected, kissed Ber
the several times so enthusiastically that
he awakened M. Malenfrond, who slept
in a chamber over the back shop.
The baker listened, and thought he
recognized the hand of his apprentice
who had been sick for a week. Over
joyed, he leaped out of bed, crying;
“Wait a little, my boy, and I’ll help
you knead the hread! I'm coming
down 1"
The lovers stared at each other in con
sternation. At that instant the stairs
creaked beneath the baker’s heavy tread.
How was Stanislas to escape? The
stairway was between the shop and the
room in which were the two turtle
doveal
SUMMERVILLE* GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING, JUNE J, 188-1.
There was not ft aeooud to bo lost,
Berthe, who had a good head, extin
guished the lamp aud whispered to the
tern tied Stanislas:
"Hide yourself quiokly in that chest
over there aud don’t be afraid. I'll take
eare of everything 1"
Ooquelard followod her recommenda
tion and felt his way along the wall in
the direction Berthe had indicated with
a rapid gesture. In the darkness ho
missed the chest but encountered tho
dough trough; he felt a lid beneath his
fingers, lifted it, and, ns nimbly as a
squirrel in danger, leaped into tho box.
He oame down amid the dough with a
thud, but he had the presence of mind to
draw the lid over him.
At that moment tho baker entered the
apartment.
“Sacrebleu I” growled he, “there is no
light here 1”
Berthe instantly replied:
“It’s the fault of this wretched lamp. 1
tried to turn tip the wick, but it went
out. That lazy Nicole must have for
gotten to put oil in it 1”
A two minutes’ search eusued; then
came the scratching of matches, and the
lamp was lighted again.
“What!” exclaimed M. Malcnfroud,
“are you alone ? Why, I thought I heard
somo one a kneading a tittle while ago I’’
“You had the nightmare, father 1”
answered the dnughter, soothingly.
“Why, who on earth could bo here?
Gervais, our apprentice, is still sick and
won’t bo out of bed for a week to come.”
“Then I didn’t hear right. But now
I’m up I’ll go to work 1”
And the baker, rubbing his bunds to
get them in working trim, went to tho
dough trough and raised the lid.
At that, moment a great clammy hand
arose from the depths of a box, hurling
fragments of soft dough in every direc
tion. "Wliat’s that—what’s that?" ex
claimed M. Maleufrond, drawing back a
couple of paces. "Who the deuce is iu
the dough——”
He did not finish. An enormous
plaster of dough was applied to liis face
with a splosh, cutting short iiis excla
mations and blinding him at the same
time.
The baker was conscientious iu tlio
exercise of his trade. His dough was
well kneaded, and, though he made
tremendous efforts to scrape the plaster
from liis visage, two or two minutes
elapsed before lie was able to open his
eyes and speak.
During tho whole of this scene,
Berthe, paralyzed with astonishment,
had not stirred.
When her father had succeeded, un
aided, iu ridding himself of his plaster,
she recovered her senses and began to
cry:
“Ob, mon Dieu 1” it must boa rob
ber 1”
“Ah, tho scoundrel !’’ groaned poor
Maleufrond. "Where is he, that I may
knock him down 1”
Aud, all sticky as ho was, he rushed
to tho dough-trough.
It was empty, and empty in every
sense. Stanislas in his flight had
dragged off on liis person al! the baker’s
dough. lie had left in the bottom of
(lie box only his slices, that would have
bothered him in running.
"Ouf I” cried the unfortunate halter.
“The thief I I cannot bake to-night.
He Ims taken the bread out of tho
mouths of more than ten families 1”
During this time the clerk, nil covered
with dough, hastened as well as he could
toward tho shop of tho other baker,
which was not far away.
The latter received this farinaceous
mass with tho greater affability, ns he
brought with him fifteen or eighteen
livres of dough. He scraped the clerk
so conscientiously that tho next day
some of the inhabitants of the town
found in their loaves, ono a jilug of
tobacco, another a portc-monnaie con
taining eighteen sous, a third a pocket
handkerchief and a bunch of keys.
The luckiest had for liis share a sheet
of stamped paper.
This worked against M. Malcnfrond’s
rival, who, accused of inattention to
business, lost a part of his customers,
thus once again proving that wrongly
acquired property never benefits any
one.
A few weeks afterward Stanislas ven
tured to ask M. Maleufrond for his
daughter’s hand. As tlio clerk had re
ceived a legacy of a few thousand francs,
the baker gave his consent, and even
took him into partnership in the bakery
shortly after his marriage uith Berthe
had been duly celebrated.
As for M. Maleufrond, he was kept in
strict ignorance of the real nature of the
episode of the dough-trough, and he
lever afterward went to bed without
having first cautioned his daughter to bo
on the watoh for robbers.
“You see, Berthe,” he often said to
her, “it is not enough to keep an eye on
the shop, the dough-trough must also
be watched, and for that there’s nothing
like the eye of the master or that of the
mistress 1”
A young lady who is learning music
says she heard that fish is a good dish
for peoplo who write stories, eta, and
wants to know what would be a proper
dish for a person studying music. We
should say a noto meal diet would be
excellent— Somerville Journal,
NOTES AND COMMENTS*
Baron Nordensklold, it is hud, is
| contemplating a voyage next year to tho
| South Polar regions. Tho expedition is
to cost f1,000,000.
Thk New York florists make up
small flowers into slippers. A pair soled
with velvet and lined with satin may bo
bought for tho moderate sum of 850.
An English journal says that if the
emigration of young Irish couples to
America continues the population of
Ireland will eventually fall to three mil
lions.
The official statistics of Canadian
railroads for 188 ft show 1,275 miles built;
833,244,585 tho gross reveuuo; 169 per
sons killed, and 550 persons injured dur
ing the year.
In Warsaw, Wyoming County, N. Y.,
there are eight salt wells. Solid salt
is found at a distance from the surface
of from 1,600 to 1,800 feet. The beds
are about 90 feet thick.
Mr. Hkymour, of the Butter, Cheese
and Egg Exchange, snys that some of
the best families of New York have
abandoned the use of butter because of
their distrust of its purity.
In the South, cotton mills are on
the increase. Sineo Jan. 1 100,000
spindles have been added, and the mills
recently opened or in course of construe
tion are worth ovor 83,250,000.
Cincinnati nAs penned up iu her jail
thirty homicides, seventeen out on hail
accused of the samo crime, and twenty
more roaming at will from having slipped
through the legal noose that justly claims
them.
A BILL HAS BERN INTRODUCED in tliO
Legislature of Massachusetts which pro
hibits the exhibition of deformgd per
sons who nro minors or insane, and of
persons who have an appearance of de
formity produced by artificial means.
The Isthmus of CoitiNTn, now under
consideration, will, it is said, be surely
completed by 1887. Tho canal, 120
miles in length, will unite the lonian
and TKgean Betts, and save the voyage
of 120 miles round the Cape of Matapan.
The Carter family is to have a re
union in Woburn, Mass,, on Wednesday,
June 11. The exercises will include an
address of welcome, with response, a
genealogical address, poem, orchestral
and vocal music, aud after-dinner
speeches.
During the recent fighting in Egypt
Baker Pasha’s cheekbone was splintered
try a four-ounce iron bullet, Which was
so firmly fixed iu the hone I hat it had to
j lie sawed out—a long aud painful oper-
I ation-—which was endured without any
amestlietie.
The London Lancet informs a cor
respondent that “tho possibility, nay,
tho certainty in many eases, of dies
being a medium of infection, especially
in warm climates, tins l>oen repeatedly
pointed out, though perhaps not sufli
cicntly borne in mind.”
A North Carolina man whoso house
was demolished by a tornado afterward
found his watch hanging on a small
limb of a tree that hud blown down in
tho yard, the chain wrapped several
times around tho limb. It was ticking
away as if nothing had happened.
Kicoent experiments conducted by
Professor Kaiuig, of Berlin, shows that,
within therangeof the normal spectrum,
a healthy eye can perceive about 300
differences of color, and its color-sensi
tiveness ranges from more than ouo
down to 0.2 millionth of a millimetre.
URN. 15IJTLKU is now SAID to have it in
mind to write a book of rerriniseences.
A Boston publisher says that if lie would
write a book iu two volumes it would be
eusy to sell 250,000 copies through
agents. This, at 50 cents a volume,
would give the author a royally of
8250,000.
Women at Sea,
Tho life which women lead on board
ship, says tho Agnatic Monthly, is
usually a monotonous ono. Their quar
ters are close and their social opportuni
ties aro quite limited. Tho oaptain’s wife
may tire of the society of her husband
or of the constant care of her children.
If she wishes to go out to walk, she is
confined to the quarter-deck. A flirta
tion during her airing witli one of tho
mates or carpenter would be beneath her.
if sho happens to be good-looking, the
vessel will constantly swing a few points
out of its course, for the man at the
wheel will keep liis eye on her as long
as she continues her promenade. She
may make an occasional excursion to the
forward part of tho ship, but even in
that novelty she finds little to attract
her. A passing vessel arouses her inter
est, and a hurricane relieves, to a certain
extent, the monotony of her existence;
but these blessings do not come along
every day. She has no one to gossip
with but tho stewardess, aud they find
few matters of recent date which are
worth discussing at any great length.
Tho captain’s wife may be as gay as she
chooses withont causing any scandal,
but, unfortunately, she has very little to
stimulate whatever desire for gayety she
may possess. She has some advantages,
however, for she is able to keep an eye
on ber husband. How or where he spends
his evenings is no mystery to her.
Is rot® mother in ?” asked a visitor of
a little Mormon b°y w h° operfcd the
door. “No, ma’am,” the little boy re
plied, “but my brother’s mother is iu.
BtJKDETTE POINTS A MORAL.
I
i Tlio llfiwlteye Humorist THIh of a l)ox Thai
Wen! oil nn(l Lost HlriiMp.lL
On the Western farm where much of
the summer time of my life was passed
we had a dog. There being two or three
boys on the farm, wo had seven or eight
dogs, ns a matter of fact, but there was
one particular dog, with whose tail I
desire to point a moral. He was a hun
ter. Morning after morning, summer
and winter, he went forth to hunt. Night
after night ho came hack home, his
hair full of burs, his feet covered with
stone-bruises, and his ears pendent with
wood-ticks. For seven long years that
dog lived on the farm. He gnawed not
tho bone of idleness, neither was he wise
in the conceit of the sluggard, because
in all those seven years he hunted all the
time, seven days a week. But, alas 1
like tho slothful, ho “roasted not that
ho took iu hunting” (Piov. xii., 27). Be
cause ho never found anything. Not one
single, lone, solitary, lost thing did ho
find in all those seven years’ hunting.
Never found a thing. But wo kept him,
because wo believed, indeed we knew,
that the dog’s intentions were good. Ho
meant well. Every morning ns ho went
forth, happy aud confident, ho hoped to
find something and bring it home with
him joyous aud triumphant. But never
did. And at last, ouo keou, clear,
bracing November day, lie went down
in the ferny glens and lost himself. Wo
never heard that ho died; nobody ever
saw him or heard anything of him
ngniu; his bark came back no more; ho
was just lost; he had wrapped tlio
drapery of tho unknowable about him
anti joined the innumerable caravan of
intangible things lie had been hunting
for years. The moral of this passage is
self-evident. There are men, even in
your own circle of acquaintance, who
hunt nil their lives and never find any
thing. They take the Congressional
I,Word for its jokes anil read the Nation
for political instruction. He goes to tho
minstrel show for amusement aud reads
the Washington papers for news. He
goes to n summer boarding-house to get
cool aud takes a vacation that he may
rest. Ho goes to the oouutry for cream
and fresh eggs ami keeps a liorso to
save street-ear fare. In all this he docth
foolishly. Ho hunts well enough but
not wisely. You must know, my boy,
before you go hunting, where to hunt
for what you want. You might go deer
stalking all over Coney Island for twenty
years aud never bring homo a pair of
branching antlers to hang in the ances
tral halls of the fiat iu which you live.
He Nearly Lost Ills Pocket-book.
"Tuesday I was down town,” says
the had boy, “and an old farmer was
walking along in front of me, and I saw
him drop his pocket-book on the side
walk. I yelled to him and pointed to
Uio pocket-book, and told him he
dropped it, but ho told mo to go to the
hot place. It was April fool day, and he
thought I was fooling him, and he went
on laughing, as much ns to say no town
hoy could play any jokes on your uncle
Ike. Well, I picked up tho pocket
book, and it was a fat one, and I fol
lowed the old farmer, and pulled his
coat and told him here was his pocket
hook, but he bit me side of the jaw and
said to go away or he would maul me.
I never felt so mean since my girl went
buck on me, but I didn’t want to keep
the old man’s pocket-book, and I didn't
want to bo killed trying to deliver it to
the owner. So I ran ahoad of him and
stopped aud opened the pocket-book, and
when lie came up I took out a roll of
hills ns big as my wrist, and showed
them to him, and asked him if lie knew
whoso pocket-book it was. What do
you think the old granger did? Ho took
the pocket-book with one hand and took
mo by the neck with tho other, and
called me a thief, aud said I ought to go
to .State prison, and he took mo into a
stairway and set mo down aud stood on
my coat tail so I could not get away, and
kept mo until ho counted all the money
in the wallet, cussin’ mo between every
ten dollars he counted, and when he
found it was all there, he put the wallet
inside his shirt and gave me a lecture
about boys growing lip to be thieves,
and finally he gave me this lead nickle,
took his foot off my coat-tail and let
mo go, and then tried to kick mo ns I
ran away. I don't think that was right.
Only for me he would have lost his wal
let aud probably linvo gone crazy over
the loss.’’
The Constitution
Robert Rodney, U. 8. N., would liko
to have the Constitution amended so
that no citizen could own more than ten
million dollars’ worth of property. If
Mr. Rodney is afraid of owning more
than ten million dollars himself, ho can
easily give away his surplus wealth,
without an amendment. As for tho
rest of the people, there are compara
tively few of them who are troubled
that way, and when they aro thoy will
manage to get along under tho present
Constitution, says an exchange.
“My dear boy, the business world is
divided into camps, the gaolers and
the speculators." I don't exactly seo
tho diflereijce.” “It’S very simple. The
speculator is the one who gains. When
a man loses he is only a gambler I”
NQ. ‘JO.
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
IVIIAT THE warn OF THK Pit KM M
HAVE TO SAY THAT IS AMI'INIi.
A ROY'S POCKET.
Buckles, and buttons, aud top, and
marbles mid pieces of string, a screw
from a rusty old mop, and scraps of
a favorite sling. Slate pencils, aud part
of a lock, some matches and kernels of
corn, the wheels of a discarded clock,
and remains of a mitten all torn. A
jack-knife or two, never sharp, some
pieces of bright-colored glass, the rim
of an aueient jews’-harp, pens, fish
hooks, and pieces of brass. Old nails,
“sweeties,” ehippings of tin, with bits of
a battered-up locket. All these, and
much more, are within the depths of
a little boy's pocket. —The Continent.
AT THE STOCK EXCHANGE.
“I’ll have to consult with a doctor.
I’m not well.”
“What is your trouble?”
“I sleep too much. As soon ns 1
drink eight or ten glasses of beer, I oan’t
keep my eyes open. I think I ought to
be bled!” '
“I can tell you what will spare your
eyes, and keep then) open. Just you
let me sell you, at par, for cash, a thou
sand shares of some railroad stocks I’ve
got, aud you will not be able to get a
wink of sleep as long as you have them
on your hands. What is riches without
health ?”—Austin Siftings.
he didn't figure like that.
A German tailor in a village in Canada
failed a few days ago and called a meet
ing of his creditors. An investigation
seemed to show that his liabilities were
$4,600, and his assets .SI,OOO.
“It thus appears," suid one of tlio
creditors, "that you can pay 25 cents on
tho dollar.”
“Vliell, I doan’ figuro liko dot,” re
plied the tailor.
“How do you figure?”
“Yliy, I pays feefty cents on der dol-
Inr.”
“How can you do that when your as
sets only allow one-fourth ?”
“Vliell, I priugs tho odder money
down from der house.”
Ho was not permitted to fail.
CONSOLING.
Mrs. Minks—“ Who would have
thought that that lovely Mrs. Blank,
who was a bride only a few years ago
should now be suing for a divorce ?’’
Mrs. Finks—“l do not blame her.
Her husband abused her terribly.”
Mrs. Miuks—“Why, when they were
married her husband was just as devoted
as dear John is to me. 1 would die if I
thought that in a few years he could
dimigo that way.”
Mrs. Finks—“Oh, don't alarm your
self, he won’t.”
Mrs. Minks—“ You are sure, then?”
Mrs. Finks—“ Certain. All your
money is in your name.” —Philadelphia
Livening Call.
WIIAT it taught.
Mrs. Bilkson —“1 hope this, Mr. Bilk
son, will l>o a warning to you.”
Mr. Bilksou —“What are you talking
about, anyhow ?”
Mrs. Biiksou —“An item in this paper.
It says: 'A man in Springfield, Mo., bo
ing invited to drink, poured out a glass
of whisky, looked at it a moment, and
then dropped dead.’ Now, just re
member that, Mr. Bilkson. tho next
time yon are asked to drink. It teaches
a terrible lesson.”
Mr. Bilkson—“Yes, indeod. Delays
are dangerous. ” —Evening Call.
OVER, LONG AGO.
“How long have you been married,
Mrs. Slowbody ?”
“Five years.”
“Five years ? Why, you ought to
have a wooden wedding.”
“Have,” replied Mrs. Slowbody,
.glancing across at tlio meek figuro of a
man trying to hide behind a newspaper,
“had that when I was married.”—/fur
ington Hawkey e.
AN EXPLANATION.
“How far is it from the City Hall to
tho Battery ?” asked one New Yorker of
another.
“According to the oity map it is a
mile, but I’ve walked it and I find it
much longer.”
“1 can explain that discrepancy. The
city map does riot go into every other
saloon between tlio two places.— Taras
Siftings.
HE STRUCK IT RICH.
“That's my uncle oyer there,” said a
fast young man to his fast companion;
“we're pretty .near broke and I’ll strike I
him for a raise. He won tgo back on
me. Bet you the drinks I’ll strike him
for a ten and get it.”
The bet was made and the yonng man ,
“struck” his unole. A long conversa- :
tion ensued. Finally the young man
returned, his face flashed with triumph i
and some bills in his hand.
“I told you I’d make it,” ho said,
“maybo we can make a hit on roulette
with this.”
Then his companion looked at the
bills, and there were only two 81 notes, j
“But you didn't) get $lO, didjyou?” ho
inquired.
'■‘Yes, I did,” replied the nephew, a:
his tone changed to one of sadness,
“only I had to take the othor $3 out in
good advice.”— Chicago Herald
FROM Tiers KART.
Twe hot-tempered Celts from Battle
row were in Yorkville Pollee CV*usl
yesterday. One had stabbed the other
with a night koy. The mnn who did
the stabbing said, in extenuation of the
aot:
“Ho called mo a flamin' sucker,
“What if bo did?” said tho Justice.
“Oi’U allow no man to call mo that.”
••Why not 7 What is a snoker ?”
“Shure, Oi don’t know."
“How do you know hut what it is
a complimentary term ?”
“It may be, yer honor; but Moike
uiver mint it for a compliment.”
“Don’t you know that natives of tho
groat State of Illinois are called
suckers ?”
“Oi did not, but Oi (lo now. Oi’m
sliuro Moike niver mint to cull me a
nativo av that place, for well ho knows
Oi’m from Tipperary,”— N. F. Sun.
life among the mormons.
“My dear,” said a Mormon wife to
her husband, “I should think that you
would be ashamed of yourself, flirting
with that Miss B. as you did iu church
to-day.”
“Firtiug with her?" he replied in
astonishment. “Why wo linvo been en
gaged for more than three mouths. It’s
all over town.”
“Oh, I beg your pardon,” said his
wife indifferently. “If you are engaged
to her, I suppose it is all right. When
I does the happy eveut occur?”—Phila
delphia Call.
DULL TIMES.
Oaunflinu Hotel Keeper—“l don’t see
how wo are to get along. The house ie
about empty, yet it is impossible to re
duce expenses. Look over tho Ameri
can papers nud see what the news is.”
Hotel Clerk—“l have looked over
them, There has not been a big defol
iation iu the IJuited States for two
weeks.”
Canadian Hotel Keeper—“My stars 1
wo will he ruined. I never knew the
times to be so dull.”
HE COULDN’T STAND IT.
“Why are you home so early?” asked
a wife of her huabaud. “Is tho singing
school exhibition out already ?’’
“No; not more than half out,” he re
plied.
“Why didn’t yon stay to tho close?
Weren’t you interested in tho singing?”
“I was until a sixteeu-yenr-old boy
attempted to sing ‘Larhonrd Watoh
Ahoy.’ Then I thought I would come
home, go to bed and try to forget all
about it.’ 1
IN WANT OF MONEY.
“Can you give me a little money on
that account of yours this moruing ?”
“No, I don’t believe I can this morn
ing.”
“Weil, will you appoint a time when
you oan ? You have traded with me a
great deal and have never paid mo
cent.”
“I know it. Jam a free trader.”
Iu the Mine-Kiln Club.
Trustee Pullback offered the follow,
ing resolution:
“ Resolved , Dat when a pusson has
bin tried in due form, convicted by au
honest jury an’ sentenced to prison by a
Judge in whom the people have confi
dence, do criminal should stay dur’ until
his sentence has expired.”
Giveaduw Jones moved that the roll
bo called upon the vote, and this being
done Shindig Watkins was the only uamo
marked os opposing the resolution.
“Dis resolnshun kivers a suhjeot of
deepest interest to de peoplo at large,”
said Brother Gardner when the vote had
been pronounced. “A robber or em
bezzler or defaulter or thief or oven mur
derer kin sit down with a piece of chalk
iu ouo ban’ an’ a shingle in do odder ou
mako clus figures on dis matter, De
murderer strikes his victim au’ makes a
break. De papers howl, de detectives
rush an’ de public talk of lynchin’. If
he am not pioked up right away dar’ am
a fusilude agin’ de officers. When he
am caught dar’ am great anxiety to push
him to trial. When he am triod an’ con
victed dar’ am a hoap of sweet talk ’bout
de majesty of the law. He gits, say,
fifteen y’ors in prison. Ho orter have
bin sent fur life, but it was shown dat
he was drunk, or his graudfadder was
insane, or nis great grandmudder had
alius acted a leetle queer. Befo’ a y’ar
has passed away somebody begins to
pity. In de course of two or free y’ars
de proseoutin’ attorney begins to relent.
A petition am drawn up an’ do jury finds
dey was mistaken, do Judge diskivers
dat he sentenced de wrong mnn, an’ do
Gub’ner am asked to exercise do par
donin’ power to restore a perfeckly in
nocent man to society ?”— Detroit Fret
Press
Bared to Do Ills Ditty.
Tho late Count Vladimir Feodorovitch
Adlerberg, of Russia, always accom
panied Czar Nicholas on his journeys.
On one occasion they mot at a post
station a courier with important dis
patches for His Majesty, seriously in
criminating the political conduct of a
certain high official. On reading them
the stormy-tempered Nicholas became
furious, and at once commanded Adlor
berg to send an order to dismiss the
official in question aid have him ar
rested. Count Adlcrborg essayed some
observations, but the Czar was too angry,
and repeated liis commands. The mes
senger was sent on to St. Petersburg.
At the next station Nicliolus asked Adler
berg what he bad written to tho proper
Minister on tho subject. “Sire,” re
plied Count Adlerberg, “I took the
liberty of not transmitting your com
mands.” "What!” exolaimed the Em
peror, “how dared you disobey me?”
"Bire,” again replied Adlerberg, “I
knew that Your Majesty would approve
of my preventing an injustice by precipi
tation before the guilt of a man was
properly proved.” The Emperor said
nothing for a moment, then, grasping
Adlerberg warmly by the hand, simply
said, ■’‘Thanks.” funeral
was attended by nearly all tho members
of the present Imperial family,