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/ 30 UNION SQUARE NEW YORK
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ill MASS. CA.
FOR SALS BY
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SUMMERVILLE, GA
* stikl new
HiehAem
□avis
.The lightest running Shuttle Sewing
Machine ever produced, combining
greatest simplicity, durability and
speed. It is adapted to a greater va
riety of practical and fancy work than
any other. No basting ever required.
For particulars as to prices, &c„ and
for any desired information, address
FHE DAVIS SEWING MACHINE CO.,
WATERTOWN, N. Y.
158 Tremor t St., Boston, Mass.
1223 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, Pa.
113 Public Square, Cleveland. Ohio.
46. 48 &50 Jackson St., Ci >c, 111.
For sale in Summerville bj
J. 8. CLEGHORN A CO.
ALAE ' CINE
A Superior Substitut-;
for Kalsor;-.ct,<
Alabartine ?; the /and/, ; roi> ■.
ma<lefrom n.dcin? ; mn-nn r,r :•/>"■.■
‘ 1,1 r '• .1’- 'ip:
tnid sutfaw, without d.u.u.-r’o/’.-.-uf...’..
i.oliceably adding to the thickness <>f i: ■>
wall, which is strengthened mid Impro-.e I
each additional coat, from time to Ln; • p.
is the only material fur the puqivbc not <’ *
pen<lcrif ii|>on gh«a for mlbcstvenes*.
is hardened on Urn wall bv age,
moisture, etc., while all kalsomines or whit.
<‘bpreparations have inert soft chalks
ixi I,‘iue for their base, which arc rendered
soft or >cakd in a ven bort lime.
In i. nlion i > : e above advantage
Aiaba.->tiim is less expensive, as it requires
lat one-half (lie numlm*t of pounds to
li.e same amount of surface with two coats,
is remix for use by adding water, and easily
applied by any one.
I - • by your Paint Dealer. Ask for
<'iciibi containing Samples of 12 tints
■nnufactured <ml\ by the Alabasti.se Co.,
B Chi'kch, Manager,Grand Rapids, Mich.
>-■ PURE *
ReadyForUse
Olives, Terra Cottas and all the latest
fashionable shades for
CITY COUNTRY OR SEASIDE.
Warranted durable and permanent.
Dc-ccriptive Lists, showing 32 actual
shades, sent on application.
For sale by the principal dealers,
wholesale and retail, throughout the
country.
Ask for them and. take no others.
3ILUHGS, TAYLOR & CO.
CLEVELAND, OHIO.
A PrcrmiAß Fipweh—Some year-;
ago travelers in Dalmatia noJveu large
tracts of land covered by a wild flower,
near which not a sign of insect life was
visible. The bloom was the pyrethrum,
whose odor deals death to the lower
forms of life and whose powdered leaves
form the basis of “insect powders.” The
seed of this flower was distributed in the
U sited States, and a Dalmatian has been
growing it with great success at Stock
ton, Cat Prof. Snow recently read an
article on the subject before the Kansas
State Board of Agriculture, and it seems
likely from the report that an industry of
importance will arise from the Dalma
tian’s experiment
The Arabs of the desert drink bu'
< nee every two days. There are no
free lunch saloons in that section.
@ljc dfrajefte.
VOL XI. SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA. WEDNESDAY EVENING, DECEMBER 10, 1884, NO. 47.
«- SANDS' —•
PATENT TRIPLE
sMOTIONgga
The only Freezer ever made having three distinct
motions inside the can. thereby, of course. pr< Jn.
ing finer and smoother Cream than any other
Freezer on the market.
300,000 in use. Catalogue and Price List
nailed upon application.
| WHITE MOUNTAIN FREEZER CO.,
NASHUA. N. H.
An Ancient Tunnel.
The Governor of Samoa, Abysside
Pasha, has at last succeeded, after years
of work, in uncovering the entrances to
a tuunel of which Herodotus Bfieaks u ith
admiration as the work of Eipalinos
and Megaira, and which, according io
the same authority, was built during tho
tenth century B. 0. The tuunel, about
5,000 feet long, was intended to secure
a supply of fresh water to. tho old sen
port town of Samos, and consists of three
parts. They are the tunnel proper, 5;
feet high and 6 feet wide; a canal about
5 feet deep aid nearly 3 feet wide,
which runs in the middle or on tho side
of the base of the tunnel; and the aque
duct running m this canal. The aque
duct consists of earthen pipes, each 215
feet long, 32 inches to 33 inches in cir
cumference, the sides averaging about
1| inches in thickness. Every other
joint has a hole, for what purpose has
not yet been fully explained. Mr. Stam
atiades, a Greek archaeologist, believes
that they were intended to facilitate tho
cleaning of the pipes and to make tho
flow of water easier. The canal is
arched over, but twenty-eight manholes
were provided to admit the workmen
who were charged with cleaning ami re
pairing the aqueduct. The tunnel is not
quite straight, forming an elbow about
1,300 feet from one of the entrances.
This elbow, according to .Mr. Stama
tiades, was caused by a mistake in the
calculations of the engineers, who bad
none of the instruments used in tunnel
building nowadays. The tunnel starts
near a small water-conrse wbijh may
have been quite a stream in olden times,
pierces the mountain Kestri, winch was
formerly crowned by the Fort bamos,
and ends a few hundred yards from the
old town of Samos, about ten feet below
the surface. From the mountain slope
to the citv this subterranean aqm-.uict
is protected by a mus-ive stone struc
ture, ending within the walls of the pres
<nt convent of St. John. The preserva
tion of this work—which is truly won
derful, considering tee imperfvct me
chanical resources at ti e di posal if the
builders—for nearly 3,000 years is prob
ably due to the care taken by Eupahrios,
who, in all places where the rock did
not seem of sufll ient firmness, lined the
tunnel with several layers of brick, run
ning on the top into a peaked arch.—•
London Lun.
-«► •
A Plucky Young Man.
Here is a trne story of sticc< ssful en
ergy. A young drug clerk wrote from
the Far West to a prominent pharma
cist in New York, saying be would like
to come to the city and enter a store.
He came, but when the pharmacist
questioned him personally he found that
his visitor bad never put up prescrip
tions in Latin; consequently, he could
not get a situation. He did not know a
soul in the great city, nor even the gen
tleman to whom he had written (until
he met him at his store). He sought in
vain for a place, and finally found a sub
ordinate position, where he was given
five dollars a week and had to board
himself. He was a studious, pushing, act
ive young fellow, and soon managed to
attend the lectures at the College of
Pharmacy. Tbe gentleman with whom
he corresponded took an interest in him,
and invited him to come to his store and
assist in the manufacturing of fluid ex
tracts. Once he showed his employer
what he could do in that line. Tbe man
was surprised. “Why can’t you do
something of that kind for me?" he
asked. The clerk said he could, and
his salary (which in the meanwhile had
been slightly increased) was raised to
very respectable proportions. He
worked for a time in this way, eventually
receiving a salary of SSO a week; finally •
be opened a laboratory of his own, and
to-day he employs forty or fifty “hands.”
And yet, when he arrived in New York
he did not hewe a dollar, and was with
out influence and without friends.--<s?.
Nicholas for November.
Which is the most costly, a horse or
a bicycle? The first cost is often about
the same; the difference afterwards de
pends on the relative price of arnica and
oats
EMMONS, McKEE & CO.,
SUCCESSORS TO EMMONS. EAOS & CO.
87 BZRzO.A.JD STREET, ROME, OJV
Clothing, Furnishing Goods, Hats and Men’s Fino Shoes.
Our stock of M -ns Wear thb season excels anything ever shown in Rune. We want, every mm iti Cherokee county to give us a ca’l this fill an I
we will stive you time and m mey. This mav seem like big talk, but our immense stock, bought at extremely low prices, warrants us in making broad asser
tions. Ours is tee only establishment, in Rime where is sold everything worn by the
.MALI'. SEX —MAN OR. BOY.
For Good Grinds, Correct S’vies and Seasonable Prices, we are ACKNOWLEDGED HEADQUARTERS. A careful comparison cannot,
fril to convince you ol this fact, n e will appreciate a call.
EMUS, Mc?EE & CO,, Men's and Boys’ ou&s.
87 Broad Street, ROME, C \.
A WFUL HARD LINRS.
Though you/uould oonie und kneel low at my 1
feet,
And weep in blood-red tears of agony,
It wouid not bring « ne single pang to me,
Nor Ht.r my heart out of its quiet beat.
There was a time when any word you spoke,
Wh< n just the sound of your melodiout voice
Would thrill mo through and make my heart
rejoice.
Your will was law. But now the spell is broke, ■
Yon rudely woke me from my dream of bliss.
Knowing my love, reading it everywhere;
You Hou.'ht to see how much my heart would
lietr.
Such things I can forgive; but never this.
And though an angel, with a shining brow,
Should come from heaven and speak to me, i
and say:
“Go w th this man and be his own alway,”
I would defy her, rather than tmst you now.
Though you should pray me, writhing in white
pain.
For just one last caress, and 1 should know
That you were draining .nil tho dregs of woe, i
I would not let you hold my hand again.
This is a woman’s love, a woman’s pride.
There is a stream that never can be crossed; !
It rolls between Us, and the trust 1 lost
Was sunk forever in the seething tide.
—Hawkeye. 1
AN INVENTOirS I‘EIUL.
The lane, leading east from Chatham
street, is sometimes called Golosh
street. If, is a greasy, sodden, dirt-laden
place, crowded with junk shops and sec
ond-hand clothing stores. St. Vrain, I
the inventor, for a long time occupied
the top floor of No. 11). It was a large,
unfinished loft, with naked, smoko
stained, cobwebbed rafters overhead,
and two dingy windows looking down on I
the Goloshian pavement, with its seven
distinct strata of dirt. Since St. Vrain 1
had hired this comfortless garret, ten
years before, no foot of stranger had ;
entered it, not even that of his land
lord. Only after nightfall did the in
ventor himself leave the place, nor, even
then, until he had locked and donble
locked both his trap-door and the door
at the foot of the stair. Occupying the
central portion of the attic, and reach
ing from window to window, was the
machine upon which St. Vrain had spent
his fortune. At each end of tho room
was an upright, cylindrical mass of
metal, covered with polished knobs of
silver, connected tog< flier by wires, and
insulated from the floor by plates of
glass. The metal was steel, but it was
steel which had been snbnaittcd to a
costly and secret process, and treated
with various chemicals, for a purpose
new to science. In the space between
these huge cylinders, each one fifteen
feet high, were retorts, blowpipes, work
benches, and all the tools of an expert
chemist, also a forge, and the tools of a
worker in metai. When one examined
more closely tho huge steel cylinders, it
was seen that they were made of small
plates riveted together, and, huge as
the task seemed, it was evident that one
man’s unaided labor had produced it.
St. Vrain rat beside his work-table,
one night in August, and looked at the
cylinders of steel. He touched a knob,
close at hand, and a soft, lambent flame
began to play about each. Toe dull
metal became fairly luminous, and a
delicate sound, clear and vibrant as that
of an 33'rli.in harp, stirred the dull air,
“It is done,” said St. Vrain, “and the
forty million dollars that my grandfather
rifled from the treasure-vault of the
Incas, in the heart of the Andes, are
nearly spent for the sake of this, my '
gift to poor, struggling humanity.
Never yet have I said a word, and so, if
I died to-night, and careless hands
wrested apart my cylinders, half of New .
York might perish; I must write down ;
the outline.”
He found a large sheet of coarse
brown wrapping paper, and began to |
write. Steadily for several hours, the 1
words flowed from his pen till both j
sides of the sheet were covered with ai- j
most microscopic writing. Then heteft :
it on the table and went into the street !
below, returning with a miserable cur, j
which he had cajoled upstairs with a
bit of bread.
St. Vrain now touched another knot
The light that shone fr-.m one of the i
tail cylinders grew brighter and its color
varied from pale pearl and clear opal to
lemon and orange, rose and crimson and
tremuioiui violet; the light that shone j
from the other changed to a sombre and
inexpressibly mournful tint, from one '
came a sense of joy and warmth and vi- ‘
tality, from the other a sense of pain,
i and cold, and decay.
“Life and Death, North and South
Pole,” cried St. Vrain, exultingly.
“Now, let me test the invention that an
nihilates time and space and sets the
human race free from its bonds, and
makes us gods on earth, and gives us a
thousand years of life I”
He picked up the crouching dog at
i his feet, and hastily scrawling a few
words on a scrap of paper, tied it by
means of a strip of handkerchief to the
dog's neck, lie went to the dark and
co’d cylinder, the one he had likened to
the South Pole. Gently, firmly, rever-
I ently, as if in the presence of a mighty
j force, he put his hand upon a great
brown knob, and listened. He opened
! a curving-door—the cylinder was hollow.
A dull smoke, like dust of opium, strug
gled out, and for a second he staggered
as against the influence of sleep.
“Ah I the pores of the steel boxes
eak a little still,*' he said, as he
thrust the yelping dog inside and closed
| the door upon him.
St. Vrain went to tho other cylinder
I and, opening tho door, peered in. A
, warm and fragrant and inspiriting
breath rushed out. Ho closed it and re
turned to the first one. Four silver
knobs were close to his hand. He spoke,
as if explaining tho mysteries of the
mechanism to a stranger
‘ Now, when I touch the first knob,
my Solvent Force will operate, andpain
! lessly and instantaneously melt that dog
into his original atoms. When t touch
; the second knob, these atoms will flow
■ out through the noTlow white wire, anil
■ into the second cylinder, arriving there
: long before they have lost tiny Os their
■ mutual attraction, or relationship
I drawn there by the virtue of the force in
: that cylinder. When I touch the third
knob this Force will instantaneously and
painlessly reconstruct the creature,
down to his every hair, and even reor
ganize the ink particles of the letter I
hung to his neck. When I touch tho
last knob the cylinder door will open
and he will step out, his accustomed
onr-ship, unconscious that henceforth
be is immortal, as the firsthvingcreature
that was telegraphed through space,”
The inventor's eyes glowed and his
form dilated Ho touched the four
knobs, one after another, as rapidly as a
musician would strike four consecutive
notes. The door of the second cylinder,
sixty feet distant, claliged open, the dog
sprang out, and came to St. Vrain at his
call. About the animal’s nick was the
paper roll. He opened it, read the mem
oranda, and cried aloud in ecstasy: “The
paper is more porous, and the ink seems
faded; but I must not expect to transfer
whole libraries across the Atlantic with-
I out a little more practice. ”
Then for a long lime he was lost in
thought. Suddenly he exclaimed:
“I must know the experience myseli.
Who of all the world, but St. Vrain,
shall first of men traverse space thus?”
That frenzy and utter obiiviousness to
danger, that at times beset all genius of
the highest order, now controlled St.
I Vrain, and he threw prudence to the
I winds.
“Anyone will do,” he cried. “Any
I person can touch four knobs one after
I another.”
He hastened ou t upon the street just
as the faint d:i .:i began to streak the
cloudy east. A drunken sailor was lean
ing against a post. St. Vrain approached
! him.
“Come on. I want you to help me a
minute, and I’li give you twenty dol
lars.”
“AU right, capt’n, I’ll go aboard,
i Money ail gone. Time to ship for
1 ’nother v'y’ge.”
Then St. Vrain hustled him upstairs,
! and, opening the door of the second cyl
l inder, thrust him in a moment, till the
| vital emanation from its walls somewhat
, sobered him. zl few miuu’cs later St.
Vniin and the ignorant stood before the
j mysterious door over which the four sil
i wr knobs gleamed.
“Now,” said St. YTain, “I am trying
an experiment of great importance.
Win n I open the door and step in and
i oiose it, you must touch, one after an
other, these knobs marked one, two,
threeund four.”
And he made the man go through
with thh> operation several times, till
sure that 4 he understood it.
“Whfin'k come out, which will be as
soon asyoifiouch the last knob, I will
give you, instead of twenty dollars, the
one-huudred-dollar bill that I hold in
my hand.”
St Vrain stepped into the dark cylin
der, armed with a firm will, and antici
pating the astonishment of the sailor
when he should step forth from the
other. He closed it, and the man in
stantly reached up to the four knobs.
He pressed the first; St. Vrain was
whirled into tho depths of total uncon
sciousness. Dizzy, however, with the
returning effects of his potations and
with the atmosphere from the interior
of tho cylinder, tho sailor failed to press
the second knob and open up communi
cations ; he pressed the third, and a
soft light filled tho room; he pressed
tho fourth, and the second door opened,
the light ceased; again the Vital Force
revived his whiskey-sodden brain to ac
tivity. No St. Vrain returned. He
waited fifteen minutes, and he tried to
open the door of tho cylinder, but failed
completely. Then he pressed the first
knob again. The roar as of a whirlwind
followed, ami the room began to trem
ble under foot; ho had released a double
portion of the dreadful Solvent Force,
the second silver wire began to hum
like telegraph wires in a storm. To
have pressed tho other knobs would
have restored St. Vrain’s atomized body
and flouting sou! to normal relations,
but the shaking of the room frightened
the sailor from further experiment in
that direction. He saw another knob
ttpon the cylinder, marked five, and
pressed it in total desperatioii;
The third wire between the cylinders
threw forth mighty rays and foot-long
electric sparks. Both cylinders toppled
forward, and toward each other, and, as
they fell, crashing, they melted under the
frightened sailor's sight, first into flying
fragments of iron, and then into faint
and disappearing flakes of iron-rust.
The Solvent Force and the Vital Force,
released, and rushing into each other’s
embrace, had naturally destroyed each
other, and somewhere in the dual-sown
particles of the dingy garret, into which
the earliest sunlight was just beginning
to shine, were the atoms that half an
hour before had made np St. Vrain, tho
greatest inventive genius the world had
known.
The trembling sailor fled from tho
S| of. iti wild terror, and was on shipboard
and at sea before another daybreak
Deeper dust gathered on the walls and
books ahd forge; the raiti drove in at the
open window, and St. Vrain’s blankets
molded and decayed month after month.
At last the quarterly rent-day camo,
and passed, and St. Vrain, for the first
time for ten years and three months,
failed to appear. The gruff, unshaven
receiver of stolen goods who owned tho
building wits delighted.
“Dot queer man promise to pay
double rent, so long as I never ask
questions about his pis’ness. I dinks he
counterfeit money. Now I make him
pay more.” And he went to St. Vrain’s
garret, took possession of his goods,
tools, and curiosities and ultimately sold
them. The receiver of the stolen goods
could not read and St. Vrain’s descrip
tion of his machine, written on brown
wrapping-paper, was thrown into the
ash barrel with other rubbish.
Moral.—Keely himself would better
not fool too much about bis motor witii
its unknown vapor force. The first
thing he knows he will be missing.—
The Hour.
Explorations In Africa.
The largest exploring party now in
Africa is that of Major Carvalho, who
was finely equipped by the Portuguese
Government last Jnne, and dispatched
from Angola with a force of four hun
dred native carriers to visit the domin
ions of the Muata Yanvo, about five hun
dred miles south of tbe Congo. He is
the bearer of splendid presents to that
Central African potentate, and hopes to
open up his country, which is said to be
as large as Germany, to travelers and
traders. Only two educated Europeans,
Drs. Pogge and Buchner, have succeed
ed in reaching Kawende. the capital of
the Muata Yanvo, who would not per
mit them to pass throngh his country,
but compelled them to retrace their
steps. Three hundred chiefs owe him
allegiance. In territorial extent his em
pire is the largest in Central Africa, bnt
it is not so densely f opuluted as Mtesus
Uganda. m?d is supposed. Ho have only
2,000.000 inhabitants.
IAINTY WORK FOR FAIR RANDS.
.■holograph Frnmeo. Tissue I.nmp Shade,
und Lovely Je>' el Cases.
It is now Hie fashion to carry the opera
glass, handkerchief, etc., in a little bag
held on the arm by a ribbon. A dainty
one may lie made at home out of an old
silk handkerchief and a piece of silk.
The silk may lie in two colors, one for
' each side. The bag should measure
! eight or ten inches square and should be
i lined with the silk handkerchief. The
: ribbon should be run around the open
j ing two inches from the top and tied in
1 a large loop and bow. The monogram
I or initials embroidered on one side in
I silk and an edging of Valenciennes or
i Oriental lace about tbe top, add to tho
effect.
A pretty frame for a photograph may
be made out of the cover of a pasteboard
box. Cut out the frame to fit, then
cover neatly with a piece of garnet or
I dark-blue silk or silesia. Over this paste
I maple leaves, which may be gathered
' beautifully tinted id this season. The
leaves should be put on with tho points
in one direction. Cover with a coating
of copal varnish. If desired tho frame
1 can bo made oval or circular.
A Brooklyn girl has made a pretty
lamp-shade out of a sheet of pink tissue
paper. Bho first cut it in a piece of
eight inches wide and three-quarters of
a yard long. This was neatly pasted to
gether and the top and bottom cut in
long pointed scallops. The whole was
then folded in knife pleatings and
pressed between two hooks. When
carefully opened tho part to go about
tho top of tho lamp was caught by a
. band of the paper pasted an inch from
the edge, and a butterfly bow ornta
mented on otie side. When placed over
the white porcelain shade a rosy tint is
' thrown out which will be found very
pretty for tho parlor and also becoming
the complexion.
Lovely jewel cases may be made out
of cigar-boxes. Cover the outside with
some light-tinted silk or satin. Line
the inside of the lid and box with one
thickness of cotton-butting and cover
this with the silk or satin. A box-plait
ing of narrow satin ribbon or narrow
velvet nailed down with tiny brass nails
will keep tbe satin in place about the
' edges. A little musk or cologne should
be sprinkled over the cotton.
A pretty bed for a pet cat or dog may
lie made out of an old square fruit
basket. Tip one end of the cover in
side the basket and fasten it so with
strong cotton. Varnish the basket with
; shoe bronze and put a pretty bit of car
pet inside, and a how of ribbon on the
outside. A little bannerette of silk, with
the name of the pet embroidered on it,
placed over tbe front of the basket will
' make this little bed more attractive.
> Getting There.
It doesn’t take a great while to get a
boy out of a place where he wants to
I stay. Man comes out into the orchard.
, “Child’en, come right down out en
that are tree this miuute I”
t “Which one?”
“Why, that ini yer in.”
“This one ?”
, 1 “Yes, that one.”
“This one here by the fence ?”
[. i “Yes, that un yer in.”
“Well, we’re cornin’ down.”
“Well, come down mighty quick.”
“Well, I am.”
“Hurry, then.”
“Must 1 come clear down?”
“Clear down on the ground, an’ get
1 thar mighty quick, too.”
’ “Well”—slowly sliding down the
trunk—“l am down ; what are you hol-
>’ lerin’ at me for ?’’
If there are ten boys in the tree, the
j entire dialogue with variations has to
' be repeated with each boy, in case the
man is their father or some near rela
tive, and by the time the last boy gets
' ' to the ground there isn’t an apple on
' the tree. In case the interviewer is a
1 stranger or a dog, however, the first
word or preparatory bark isn’t com-
I pleted before the tree is as desolate and
• i solitary as a garden of cucumbers, while
the adjacent load is full of howling
' . buys, casting into tbe orchard Parthian
1 shots of casual stones an I derisive re-
• 1 marks.— Burlington Hawkeye.
When a young lady begins to re
’ : mark, “He is not such a fool as .feg
■ looks, "it i o a sign that there will 1# a
wedding soon.
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEIR COLUMNS
TO SMILE OVER.
A Knle—The Diwscr of it— Chances In Bnnl
ncNM—The Bnby—The .*»tnrM and th
Woodpile—On the -afe Side, Etc , Etc.
THE STARS AND THE WOODPILE.
“Sometimes as I gaze into the great
star-lit girdle of earth and try to fathom
the mystery of space, I am lost in the
utter helplessness of my littleness,” re
marked Mr. Jarphly. “How impossible
it is for the human mind to comprehend
anything without a beginning and an
end 1 It is beyond its capabilities,
however cultured or brilliant that mind
may be. For what, then, are our little
petty ambitions, spites, malices, strug
gles and exertions ? For what do we ex
ist? For ”
“Got that wood chopped yet, Jere
miah ?” cried out Mrs. Jarphly from the
kitchen.
“I'm chopping it,” replied ier hus
band.
"Well, you’d better hurry. I reckon
if you have to go without your supper
you won’t tie wondering what you exist
for.”— Pittsburgh Chronicle.
THE BABV.
He's como where he’ll have to scratch for his
grub,
And reach out for everything he geti;
He’ll weep when they first douse him into the
tub,
And he’ll get shaken up when he frets.
They’ll think he's smart when he first learns to
crawl
And they’ll go into fits when he talks;
And hell have the most fun when he’s very,
very small,
For he’ll have to go it alone when he walks.
B. J. Bubhettk.
A FACETIOUS FATHER.
“Pa, can money talk?”
“That’s what betting men say, some
times, my son.”
‘ 'What can it talk, pa ?”
“I suppose it can talk good cents.”
HE SQUEEZED OUT.
“William Broker,* she said to her
husband, very earnestly, as they sat at
the breakfast table, “look me in the eye
and tell me the truth. Are you losing
all your money in a fruit speculation ?”
He was scared to death when she be
gan, bnt conscious innocence gave him
strength and courage as she concluded
her question.
“No,” he said, firmly, “I am not.”
“I believe yon are,” she said, shaking
her head, ‘ ‘for last night you cried in your
Bleep, and said you had lost every chip
you had in the world on one little pear.”
And then he gasped and admitted that
he had dropped a few cases in a little
deal in perishable fruits. But it was
the narrowest escape ho ever had in his
life.— Hawkeye.
THE DANGER OF IT.
Tiresome Dude: “I happened to, aw,
get hold of an Erie papah to-day, and I
saw the funniest thing in it—too funny
for anything.”
Tired Beauty: “Do tell it then.”
“Why, it was about a young lady at a
little town called Harborcreek. It said
she dislocated her jaw while yawning.
Wasn’t it stwange ?”
“Nothing strange, lam sure. The
young gentlemen of Harborcreek should
be talked to.”
“Weally, now, I can’t see what you
are dwiving at, ye know.”
“One of them probably called on her
and stayed too late.” — J*hila. Call
TAKING CARE OF THE SICK.
“Oh, dear,” sighed a farmer’s wife
wearily, bh she dropped into a chair
after a hard day’s work, “I feel just as
if I were going to be sick. My head
throbs, and my back aches dreadfully
and”
“By goßh,” interrupted the farmer,
starting up and seizing his hat, “that
reminds me. I forgot to give the two
year-old colt his condition powders to
night, an’ he’s been a wheezin’ all day,”
and he hurried to the barn.
ON THE SAFE BIDE.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know you,
and therefore cannot cash that check for
you,” said the cashier. “Well, I don’t
see why this letter won’t identify me.
You are too careful altogether.” “Well,
I can’t do it, as I said before, unless you
bring some one to identify you. I want
to be on the safe side.” “You want to
lie on the safe side, do you, young man ?
Well, if I were you and so anxious to be
on the safe side, I would start at once
for Canada;” and he left chuckling to
himself and thinking that he had made
that durned upstart feel mean
A FAST LIFE.
“There goes a man who leads a fast
life.”
“Is he rich ?”
“No, he only gets 875 a month.”
“Then he must steal to lead a fast life
on that income ?”
“Oh, no; he’s a railroad conductor.’
Graphic.
REFINEMENT OF CRUELTT.
“If yon should marry a coachman,
and I had my way, do you know what I
would do with you?” asked a mamma
of her daughter.
“No; I don’t know that I do.”
“Well, I’d make you live with him, I
would.”
“Mamma, do yon know what I’d do,
if I hail my way ?”
“No, I don’t”
“Well, I’d be just cruel enough to
him to compel him to live in the house
with his mother-in-law.”
-
The Beason.—There is complaint
among merchants, says a Western pa
per, of a scarcity of SI and SI bills, and
the reason is said to be because there
was no appropriation made for printing
more of them. There are probably
enough already printed, but just now,
right after harvest, they have ai! been
paid in on subscriptions to country pub
! lishers, who have not yet paid them out.
They will soon get into circulation
again. Editors don’t keep money
! salted down lone
Father (to daughter going out topost
some letters)—“Yes. my dear, mail the
1 notes, but don’t note the males.”
W“. , S