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Creorgiap, PUBLISHED every th UR 'Di Y "“AT - BELLTON. GA. ®Y JOHN BLATS. 9 ‘ P * r an ‘ nm ’ SO C€als for “ aionihs; 25 cents forth ceuouth'. froal beliu “ are requeued to send their mints, with each amounts of moDej a* tiiey can Fpare, fiom 2cc. to |l. rOVBAUE, GENIUS. LOVE. BY HOKACE P. BIDDER. A« the tree must brake lhe Flora Ere it prcTee its stalwart form, Ai the knife muet wound the vine r.re it brings us grape or wine, bo the prrw must crush the bloom raw it yields iti sweet perfume. Never hero yet was brave 'J ill he met toe field nr wave, Never weniue sw«e-ly sung Till itsxnirden«d heart was wrung, Never lover truly wooed Till in agony he sued. Onrage cannot prove its power. Reeling in a shady bower. It mnM meet the battle’* strife, Daring danger* where they’re rife, And must bravely conquer death Ere it wins the hero’s wreath. Genius must endure its fate, Struggle with the world and wait, Robbed nf what its works have earned, Starved while living—dying spumed. Crowned when deaa—how sag the doom I T-aurtls cannot warm the tomb. Love must suffer, grieve and weep, Wrice and Weed, yet never Bear its paDga, so keen, so hard, Give its all without reward; Blew a cherriew world, then die, Seeking gill r love on high. - A oil. mo THbwwe. THE MYSTERIOUS PORTRAIT. Tn a tmall Tut handsomely furnished sitting-room in a London hotel, a young lady was sitting in an easy chair, before a blazing fire, one dreary November afternoon. Her hat and cloak lay upon the table beside her, and frem the eager, impatient glances she turned toward the door at every sound of a footstep on the staircase outside, it was evident that she expected a visitor. At last the door opened and a tall, aristocratic-looking young mau entered the room. “Harry, what a long time you have been!” she exclaimed, springing up fn m her seat. “ What news have you brought? What does your father say about our—our marriage?” hesitating with the shyness of a bride at the last word. “ Read for yourself, Helen,” replied her husband, banding her an onen let ter, and stat ding opposite her, leaning l against the marble mantelpiece, watch ing intently the expression of her fair face as she read : “ In marrying as you have done, you have acted in direct opposition to my wishes. From this day you are no longer my son, and 1 wash my hands of you forever!” “Harry, why did you not tell me of this L fore?” exclaimed Helen, as she read the hard, cruel words, looking up through her tears into her husband’s face “ My darling, what was there to tell 1 ■How couftl I know that my father would act in this bard hearted manner? I knew that he wisln d me to marry the daughter of a nobleman living near Marston Hall, and so unite the two estates; but I had no idea he would cast me off for disob ying his wish. And even if I bad known it,” he added, fondly claspirg his young bride to bis heart, and kis-ing away ’he tears from her eyes, “ I should not have acted dif ferently. My' Helen is worth fifty estates, and as long as she loves me 1 shall ne'er regret the loss of Marston Hall, and its fair acres Bu*, my love,” he continued more seriously, “ there is an end of your promised shopping ex pedition into Bond street. You will have to do without d amonds, now that your husband is a penniless outcast, in stead of the heir to £15,000 a year.” “Hush, Harry! Flease don’t talk like that.” she said, hurt at bis bitter tone. “You know that it was not of diamonds and dress I wss thinking. But what are you goir g to do, Harry ?” she continued, laying her hand upon bis arm, and looking up sadly into his pale, •et face. “ You cannot work for a liv ing-” "And why not work for a living?” he exclaimed, in a determine i vo’ce. “Be cause I happen to b> the son of a Faro net, brougitupand educated without any ideas or knowledge of business? But I will work for my living, ard show my little wife that I am not quite unworthy of the trust and confidence she repo-ed in me when she placed this little hand in mine,” he added, stooping to kiss the small white hand that rested co'fiding’y nnon his arm. It was while pursuing his favorite study of oil paintings among the famous galleries of Rome that Hariy Marston wooed and won Helen Tracy, governess in an Engli-h family residing in Italy, and the orphan daugnter of an officer in the army. Before he bad known her a month, Harry, who had been in love— or fancied himself in love—with at least half a dozen different young ladies in as many months, felt that he had at last met his fate. Delighted at the idea of being loved for himself alone, he had not told her of his real position, and it was not until after the marriage ceremony was over that Helen discovered that she had married the eldest son of a Baronet, and the heir to an estate producing £15,000 a year. It was not without some inward mis giving that Harry wrote to his father telling him ot his marriage, which were more than realized by the result, as we have seen by the letter from Sir Philip Marston, which awaited him at bis clun on his return to England with his bride. But, full of confidence in his ability to maintain hint-elf and his young wife by his own exertions, and thinking that surely his father would relent and be reconciled to him after a time, Harry troubled hims-e f very little about his lost inheritance; and though their new home— consisting of three small, poorly fnynished rooms in a back street-—was The North Georgian. VOL. 111. very different from the grand old man sion to which he had hoped to take his bride, he set to work cheerfully at his favorite art, and tried hard to earn a livingby painting pictures and portraits. But he soon found that it was not so easy as he thought. It was all very well when he was heir to Marston Hall, and studied painting merely from love of art; but picture dealers, who in those days had b<en all flattery and obsequiousness to the young heir, now that be really wanted to sell his pictures and sketches, shook their beads, and politely but firmly declined to purchase. At last, one dreary afternoon, when Harry was sitting in the little room he called his studio, trying to devise some new scheme to replenish his slender purse, the servant opened the door and ushered a white-haired old gentleman into the room. Placing a chair by the fire for his visitor, Harry inquired his business. “You are a portrait-painter, I believe, sir?” said the old gentleman, looking at him through his gold spectacles. “ That is my profession, sir,” replied Harry, delighted at the thought of hav ing found a commission at last. “ Well, sir, I want you to paint the portrait of my daughter.” “ With pleasure, sir,” said Harry, eagerly. “ When can the lady give me the first sitting?” “Alas! sir, she is dead—dead to me these twenty years, and I killed her— broke her heart with my harshness and cruelty!” exclaimed the old man, in an excited, trembling voice. A strange chill came over Harry, as the idea that his mysterious visitor must be an escaped lunatic crossed his mind; but mastering, with an effort, his emotion, the stranger continued: “Paidon me, young sir. This is of no interest to you. My daughter is dead, and I want you to paint her portrait from my description, as I perfectly well remember her twenty years ago.” “ I will do my best, sir, but it will be no easy task, and you must be prepared for many disappointments,” said Harry. Having given a long description of the fi rm and leal urea of his long lost daughter, the old man rose to de part. ana for weeks Harry worked inces santly upon the mysterious portrait of the dead orirl, making sketch after sketch, each of which was rejected by the remorse stricken father, until the work began. to exercise a strange kind of fascination over him, and be sketched face after face, as if under the influence ot a spell. At last, one even’ng, wearied with a day of fruitless exertion, he was sitting over the fire watching his wife, who sat opposite, busy upon some needlework, when an idea suddenly flashed upon Him. “ Tall, fair, with golden hair and dark blue eyes? Why Helen, it is the very picture of yourself?” he exclaimed, starting from bis seat, taking his wife’s fair face between his two bands, and gazing intently into her ey< s. Without losing a moment he eat down and commenced to sketch Helen’s face; sr.d when his strange patron called the next day, Harry was so busily engaged putting the finishing touches to his por trait that he did not hear him enter the r< om, and worked on for some moments unconscious of his presence, until, with the cry of “Helen, my daughter!” the old man hurritd him aside, and stood entranced before the portrait. After gazing for some minutes in silence, broken only by his own half suppressed sobs of remorse, the old man turned slowly rround to Harry, and asked him in an eager voice where be had obtained the original of the picture. “ It is the portrait of my wife,” re plied fie. “Your wife, sir! Who was she? Pardon me for asking the question,” he added; “but I have heard lately that my poor Helen left an orphan daughter, and for the last six montns I have been vainly trying to find the child of my lost daughter, so that by kindness and devotion to my grandchild I might, in part at least, atone for my harshness toward her mother.” Harry was beginning to tell him the story of his meeting with Helen at Rome, and their subsequent marriage, when the door opened, and his wife en tered the room. Perceiving that her husband was en gaged, she was about to retreat, when the old gentlelman stopped her, and, after looking earnestly in her face for a few moments, exc aimed, “ Pardon me, madame—can you tell me your mother's maiden name?” “ Helen Treberne,” replied Helen, wonderingly. “I knew it—l knew it!” exclaimed the old man, in an excited voice. “At last I have found the child of my poor lost daughter!” In a few words Mr. Treherne ex plained how he had cast off his only child on account of her marriage with a poor officer, and refused even to open her letters when she wrote asking for forgiveness. “ But, thank Heaven I” said he. when he had finished h:s sad story, “ I can atone in some measure for my harsh ness toward my Helen by taking her Helen to my heart, and making her my daughter.” - It is needless to add that, when Sir I Philip Marston heard that his son had married the heiress of one of the finest and oldest estates in the country, he at once wrote a letter of reconciliation to Harry, and, after all, Helen eventually became mistress of Marston Hall, in the picture gallery of which no painting is i more valued and treasured than “The I Mysterious Portrait,” BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA., APRIL 29, 1880. SOUTHERN NEWS. Georgia has 219,728 Baptists. Only nine counties in Texas are with* out newspapers. The Atlanta Cotton Factory has 500 employes at work. In Gibson County, Tennessee, David Holt killed 1 800 partridges within six months. Dr. Brisseld, of Beafort, S. C., ex pects to grow 50,000 bushels of rice this year. A Number of capitalists from differ ent parts of Georgia arc investing in real estate in Atlanta. Louisville has 741 physicians. Ths number of medical societies in the Slat' is thirteen. The contract has been let for the erec tion of a public library building in At lanta, to cost $20,900. During the month of March 144 white persons left North Carolina fo’ Western States. The Freedmen's Bank building at Jacksonville, Fla., which cost 430,’00, has been sold for $15,000. Sponge fishing isan important interest at Key Wtf.,l Fa. Over $25,600 worth of sponge was sold at that place last week. At the Nashville Centennial will lie exhibited a razor that once belonged to George Washington and a violin that belonged to Thomas Jefferson. During the last thirty days over 1.000 cars of Wisconsin ice have been shipped South over the Louisvil'e and Nashville and Alabama and Grea* Southern Railroads. The Barlow gold-mines at Dahlonega, Ga., will soon have in running order a forty-stamp mill, one of the largest and best gold-mills in this country. It is run by water power. Atlanta proposes to for the erection of a bu Iding for the Normal School founded by the Trustees of the Peabody fund. Dr. Sears says that at least $25,000 must be furnished. The United States Government hat decided to locate a marine hospital at Blackbeard Island, near Brunswick. G- All vessels coming from'"feetrd j -.’ will have to touch there, be ' inspected, fumigated, etc., before being permitted to come up to that town. Little Rock Democrat: Joe Aj-oner, the natural curiosity now on exhibition at the American Museum, is certainly ahead of all as a curiosity. He is only thirty-seven inches high, thirty-four years old, and weighs 100 pounds; was born in Desha County, Ark., of Choctaw and French parents, who now reside in Mississippi. He is of sallow complexion, long, black hair, small, black mustache, and large, full, gl iringeyes. He has a shell on his back, and, taken altogether, very much resembles a turtle. Galveston (Texas) Neus: Bastrop Cdunty abounds in pecan trees, wild honey and opossums. Wiley Hill re lates that a gentleman having found bees in a pecan tree on Walnut ( reek, near Hill’s prairie, took a friend with him and the two cut down the tree, which was a very large one. In the body of the tree they found an immense quantity of honey, of which they took all they wanted and gave the rest to their neighbors. They carried away a limb of the tree in which was a fine quantity of honey and a good hive of bees. In another hollow Hmb of the same tree they found eighteen opossums. Recipe for the Modern Successful Play. [From the New York Graphic.] No plot. Or but the stub end of a plot. Songand a'r from “Fatinitza.” More airs from “ Pinafore.” Parody on " Pirates of Penzance,” more or less. Songs and airs from everything. Two good female dancers. One sacred melody to give tone. One male dapcer. One ma'e acrobat, with India-rubbev | legs and arms. Ladies all pretty and robust. i One slang phrase to every twenty-five I words. Short skirts, well turned ankles, and i fancy hosiery. Tons of highly colored pictures and posters. Printed opinions of the “play ” from United States ex-Senators and ex- Uoited States Ministers from Cape Town or the Short Cake South Pacific Islands. Good for 10,000 nights and SIO,OOO per month profit. The sizes are marked on French-made shoes in centimetres, so that what in America would be about No. 5, in Paris [is No. 40 and so on up. This fact will prevent American ladies from wearing French made shoes. They don’t like the sound of the thing.— Boston Post. Agitators who are crying loudly for equality among men are more willing to rise to the equality of a millionaire than they are to seek that equality be low their present standing. Human nature preserves a fair average among all classes. Habits of Thurlow Weed. (New York C-crrespcnaenee New Orleans Picayune.] The veteran journalist and diplomat attributes his remarkable phvsical pres ervation, at the age of eigfny-two, to recular habits long continued.’ Before his eight o’clock breakfast, be eats either half a largo apple or an orange from his daughter's orange grove in Florida. For breakfast he haaoat meal, the yolk of hard boiled ege», a piece of toast, fish in season, like Spanish mackerel and porgies, and English breakfast tea. Occasionally the bill of fare is varied with cold roast beef, a saddle of mutton, or corned beef hash— tbe latter usually on Sunday morning A light lunch of cofn bread and butter i.i served at one, varied by cold corned beef or mutton and sometimes sardines. Only water is drank at this meal. At six o’clock fish in season is the chief dish. No dessert except a little fruit. Mr. Weed rises at seven and devotes the forenoon to literary labors. In the afternoon he sits in his library and chaw with friends, and the evening is also given up to social intercourse as a rule. At ten o'clock he go'-s to his room and some member of the family reads from such authors as Dicken*, Thackeray or Scott for an hour. Then prayer is read from Rev. Ashton Oxendei.’s “ Prayers for Private Use,” and at a quarter past eleven the venerable gen tleman arinks a glass of St. Croix run: and vichy, and retires to what is almost invariably sound and refreshing sleep. Since his sunstroke, twelve years ago, Mr. Weed has declined dinner partiej and evening receptions. He smoked the best mild Havana cigars for fifty years, But th rteen years ago h's physician told him that tobacco was effecting his nerves, and he gave up its use imme diately and entirely. He soon found teat he wrote with greater facility than before. In his earlier editorial life he drank sparingly of champagne at din ners but only socially. When he went to the West Indies lor his daughter's health, in 1854, be acquired a taste for tbe famous rum brewed by planters for their own use and hss used it since as described for a “night cap.” He drinks no other time, although his cellar is full of wine. In regard to the temperance cause, he says: “I am with those who seek to mitigate the evils of intemper ance; for while human nature is what it all prohibitory laws must fail. A ifce vigor of efforts in other directions would yield good results. If I were a younger man I would labor to make ,'urs a great grape-nrowing country, so wit* might be as cheap as cid.r, I and I would impooo an almost prohibi i tive tariff upon imported and distilled I liquors. I would strive to make A meric i ! what France is—a sober country.” I . A New Occupation for Women. [HrrlbTK-r’fl MagHzlne.] With tbe exception of the double bass (violin) and the heavier brass—in deed I am not sure that these excep tions are necessary—therein no instru ment of the orchestra which a woman cannot play successfully. Tbe ex'ent, depth, and variety of musical cspabil j ity among the women of the Un'ted State® are continual new sources of astonlshmentand pleasure to this writer, although his pursuits are not specially [ of a nature to bring them before his at lent ou. It may be asserted without ex travagance that there is no limit to the possible achievements of our country women in this behalf, if their efforts be on'-e turned in tbe right direction. This direction is unquestionably, the orches tra. All the world has learned to play ihe p ; ano. Let our young lad'es—al ways saving, of course, th 'se who have the gft for the special instrument— leave that and address themselves to the violin, theflut“, the oboe, the harp, the claiionet, the bassom, the-kettle-drum. It is more than possible that upon some of the-e instruments the superior dain tiness of the female tissue might finally make the woman a more successful play er than the man. On the flute, for in stance, a certain combination of delicacy with flexibility in the lips is absolutely necessary to bring fully out that pas- i sionatc, yet velvety tone hereinbefore alluded to; and many ma'e players, of all requisite qualifications, so far as manual execution is concerned, will be forever debarred from attaining it by reason of their intractable, rough tone. The same, in less degree, may bn said of tbe oboe and bassoon. Besides, the quslitDs required to mate a perf ct orchestral player are far more often found in women than in men ; for these qualities are patience, fervor and fideli ty, combined with deftness of hand and quick intuitiveness of soul. Fast Horses. The running horse in this country is not so valuable as the trotter. Pierre Lorillard paid $18,00!) for the famous runner Falsetto, three years old, recently sent to England. Mr. Keene paid $15,- 000 for Spendthrift. When we come to the trotters we find the prices up. Mr. Bonner paid $40,000 for Pocahontas, $33,000 for Rarus, $33,000 for Dexter, $20,000 for Startle, sl6 000 for Edwin Forrest, and $15,000 for Grafton. Mr. ■ Smith, of New Jersey, paid $35,000 for Go dsmith Maid, 32,000 for Jay Gould, $30,000 for Lady Thorne. $25,000 for Lucy, and $17,000 for Tattler. Mr. Vanderbilt paid $21,000 for Maud S., and SIO,OOO for Lysander Boy. The largest sum ever paid for a horse in Eng land, where they have few trotters, was close on to $72,060, paid for Doncas’.er by the Duke of Westminiter. “ You look good enough to eat,” said he, looking over her shoulder into the mirror. “ Food for reflection,” she re plied without a «mile. NO. 17. The Impositlonal Hotel. INew York Graphic.] Very high-toned aud stylish at the rate of ten cents per minute. “We never make lew than half a day in our bills.” A dollar extra charged on the least provocation. It’s beneath the Im positional Hotel’s dignity to trifle with a lesser sum. The traveler buys a meal for $1 or $1.25. The man hired by the landlord to bring him the victuals expects 25 cents gratuity for doing what he has already been paid for. The traveler is in the toils of the Impositions!: he feels that he must keep up a “style” befitting the hotel: besides, who likes to appear sm’all and picavunish in .the eyes of a negro man ana brother who waits on him? If the traveler at the m-a's wants a glass of lager, whisky, or other bever age, be must pay twice or thrice the amount asked at a bar forty feet dis tant. Ditto if he rtqu'res tbe same brought to his room, besides another quarter to the negro man for bring ing it. Nobody pretends to give any reason for these high taxes and extor tions. It’s necessary in order to con form to the style bentting the Imposi tions!. No one dares to do otherwise. The public it a most patient and tract able Beast, and seldom rebels or kicks over the traces of the Irapositional har ness. Washing st rates double those at out side laundries, and one collar over, counted as an additional dozen. A plate of soup carried to a sick wom an’s room $1 extra. All oranges taken from the table charged extra. Board $7 per day, and every violation of the Impositions! Hotel etiquette fined sl. Newspapers at the hotel stand double the price of the same outside tbe hotel door. All requests deemed needless by the dignified Impositions! Hotel clerk, 50 cents extra. Extra fees to chamber maid and porter on leaving. Tooth picks used after midnight 50 cents ex tra. Terms $7 per day, and everything extra. If accompanied by wife and children all “extras” doubled. Baths at the Impositions! three times the price charged at tbe barber’s, next block. Mattress punched once by chambermaid constitutes an Imposi tions! “ made-up ” bed. Gloves, etc , dropped accidentally on your room floor, chambermaid's per quisites, nnd never seen afterward. French dictionary necessary to inter pret bill of fare. Rancid butter in the gravies, and patent powder fox doctor ing the soup to a rich brown hue. Twenty-five different narqps for the same kind of soup, month in and month out. “E Plunbus Unum,” if not “ Unum E I’luribus.” For “ chicken” understand old hen. Old eggs in every style. Fried panfish kept warm four hours in the oven and dried to skin. Boiled tea; a fresh cup any minute. Fifty cents extra every fifteen minutes. The Impositlonal is now running in several parts of tbe country, and ready to do guests day or ir'ght. Mistress and Servant. There must be a new relation between mistress and servant, based on mutual concession and mutual respect. The mistress must abate that pet'y tyranny which seeks to control the servant, body and soul, by day and by night, as if the fact of wages paid constituted an in visible yoke of bondage, like the collar of Gurth, the swine-herd. For a certain sum the maid agrees to render certain services, which can not be 100 explicitly stated. When those are done, her time ought to be consid ered her own; and it should be the duty and pleasure of her mistress to teach her to spend it wisely, if she does not know how. With this unnderstand ing almost any servant could lie stimu lated to great thoroughness and quick ness in her work. And the mistress should labor to make them understand that their interests are allied to hers, nor hostile to nor separated from them. That any of these reforms should be accomplished, it is nece-sary that the term of service should be of a certain fixity of tenure. It would tend to be come so under better conditions, and if housework were no longer felt to be the lowest form of labor. But one remedy which might be immediately applied is the Irish system of “ discharge ” papers, gach servant, on leaving a place, re ceives a paper stating when the service was entered upon, and when ended, with tbe cause of dismissal or resigna tion. Each new employer demands .to see them, and the unwillingness of serv ants to produce a folio of these pages noticeably hinders their fugacious ten dency. An unusual number of “dis charges” shuts any well-kept and desirable house against their possessor. The conditions of household service call for the best thought of the best women. And they can not feel that their duty is dischargad until there grows out of the ruins of the old tyran ny, on the one hand, and the old ser vility on the other, a new relation of mutual benefit, which, in many cases, sha'l deserve the noble name of friend ship A Canada paper says the “Princess Ixiuisa attended a toboggan party” the other night. Suppose we ask what a toboggan party is— Hold on; wehavn’t askid what it is, and we don't intend to. We simply say, suppose we ask what a toboggan party is, will the reply be Hich that we—that we—in short, will the reply be such that we shall feel we have not compromised ourself ?— Peck's Sun. None preaches better than the ant, and says nothing Fubliehed Every Thursday at BELLTON, GFEORG-IA. RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION. One year (52 numbers), $1.00; six months (26 numbers) 50 cents; three m >aths (18 numbers) 25 cents. Office in the Smith building, ea t of the depot. PASSING SMILES. “ How many deaths?” aske l the hos pital physician while going Lis rounds. “Nine.” “Why, I ordered medicine for ten.” “ Yes, but one wouldn’t take it.” Western papers are discussing the question, “Shall married women work?" Unless they do we suppose a good many husbands of the period will starve to death. A medical journal tells of a man liv ing five years with a ball in his head. We’ve known ladies to live twice as brng without anything but balls in their heads. It was a delicate piece of sarcasm in the boarder who sent his landlady last eveuing n razor ( neatly enclosed in a handsome silk-hued case, and labelled Butter-knife.” A bevy of Chicago girls, at a recent wedding threw their slippers at the bride on her departure on her bridal tour, for luck. One of them hit her, and her funeral occurred three d..ys later. The Irish peoplecau'teat the speeches made in this country over the w. es, nor yet make soup of the resolutions passed at mass-meetings. What they want is pork and potatoes.— Detroit Free Press. The members of the Derrick staff were bluffing as to who had got off the best thing during the week. When it came to the last man, he said he thought the best thing he had got off was hit dirty shirt.— OU City D.rrick. We said, the other day, “A million aire with a boil is not a bit happier than a beggar in the same predicament,” and forty-sev. n millionaires have called upon us for an explanation. Once for al', we must say right h-re that we havtn’t time to fool with milliona res. In a little family discussion, the other day, the madam remarked, some what tartly: “ When I marry again—” “I suppose you will marry a fool,” interrupted the husband. “ Beg your pardon, said she, “ I will do nothing of tbe kind. I prefers change.” The wrd and master wilted. An exchange says: “ There are three headless roosters being exhibited in a town in Indiana.” There are four head less roosters being exhited in this city, and the butcher sticks to it that they are spring chickens and cheap at eight cents a pound.— Peck's Milwaukee Sun. An army officer is retired when he goes out of service, and a tvheel is re tired to go into service again. When a sheriff releases a prisoner he loses posset- Hion of him, and when he releases a house.he regains possession of it, and this is a howling old language of ours, isn’t it?” We protest against the folly of this senselesa demand that the money of the land should be kept in circulation. That’s just the trouble with it; it circu lates too fast. What we are trying to do is to stop a little of it right at tbe very number where the carrier leaves our let ters.—Burlington Hawkeye. “My knowledge of the diplomatic service,” said a young Republican, last week, “is very slight. 1 don't know what an ‘ Envoy Extraordinary ’ is" but after the Londoners had played poker with General Schenck a few times they must have thought him an extra ordinary envoy. “ What is home without a wife?” asks the Yonkers Gazette. It is the din ing-room in the parlor, the coal bin in the kitchen, the cieau shirt in hiding, a depot for soiled clothes, a trysting place for divorced stockings, a smoking fur nace, a private pandemonium, a cavern of profane rumblings, a lunatic asylum. More? " Unless you give me aid,” said a begvar to a benevolent lady, “ I am afraid I shall have to resort to some thing which I greatly dislike to do.” Thelady handed him a dollar and com passionately asked: “ What is it, poor man, that I have saved you from?’ “ Work,” was the mournful answer. A famous judge came late to court One day in busy season, Wliereat his clerk, in great surpriH#*, Inquired of him the reason, M A cnUd was boro,” ilia Honor said, ’’And I’m the happy sire.” “An infant judge?” “ Oh, no,” said he, "As yet he's but a crier.” “ Women” says a literary journal, “ live on love.” That may all be; but we notice all that have the pleasure of our acquaintance linger around the table three times a day and get on the outside of an awful lot of beef-steak and potatoes, as well as other substantial articles of food.- Elmira Sunday Tele gram. Other papers are busy telling what they want to see. The Argo has two wants. First, it wants to see a show which surpasses its advertisement. Sec ondly, it wants, very much, to see a scribbler who uses a nom de plume, and don’t use every exertion to let the pub lic know his or her true name. The Argo will sail a good ways to see the “ rare and radiant” being who is satisfied with the chosen tmm de plume. The charity balls have been unusually successful, and in many instances the poor dress-maker hss realized a profit of $75 on one costume, and the poor tailor has been scarcely lets fortunate, while the poor florist has had more orders for $8 bequets than he could fill, and the poor livery men have had all their car riages out all night at $2 an hour, aud the poor cat< rer has realized his usual profit on Jersey cider at champagne prices. In the meantime wc believe the poor people who don’t know how to do anything but saw wood and dig ditches have gone on starving about the same, but then a charity ball can’t be expected to take care of all kinds of poor people. —Hawkeye.