Newspaper Page Text
'rtl| Qeofgictq,
PI'BLISHLO EVERY THURiDA
BELLTON, Ga.
BY JOHN BL ATS.
per anaum 50 ce »“ for six
months, 2o cents forthree months.
„^‘ e k B ’ sy Jrom Belltoa »re requested
to send their names with such amounts of
money a. they can p a , e , < rO m 2cc. *o $1
FLIRTATION.
Is this yonr waits, Captain Wright?
Then excuse roe, please, Mr. Tremaine.
So you think I look charming to-night,
Fit! you must not nay ths t again.
‘ Our last waltz?” Oh, to-tunrrow you leave
1 • r yonr regiment out on the plains.
” ell at least I hope you’ll achieve
All the glory you want for your pains.
That music’s divine! Ah, *tG» dumb?
Take a walk with you? Certainly, where?
Out on the piazza! Well, come!
If my mother should see me out there
I am sure she would never stop scolding!
This moonlight is wondemuMy fair,
With its manile of .diver enfolding
The world in its beauty. Take care!
There?® witchcraft abroad at this hour,
A A spell jo subtle nnd weird,
That I shudder tn feel it* power,
As if ’twere a thing to lie feared.
But stop! r>. you know what you're saying?
“ You love me?’* You surely forget I
I’m engaged. Ik> you (all this repaying
My kindness? You’ll make me regret!—
Ah how handsome he lo'-ks ss be j loads,
With the love shining out of his eyes!
Has my voicexrowu so low that he needs
I>raw so near mo tn catch my replica?
But, gracious* how I am trembling!
I scarcely can kt ep on iuy feet,
And his danger.voice resembling
Soft music, groups more ar.d more sweet!
It’s over! ’Tw.tvwilv one kiss,
And we parhd, perhajis forever;
But I learned in that moment of Idias
H hat I shall unlearn again never.
a • « o •
That’s a lovely waits they are pl lying.
Heard the new* about Wright? Why, no!
Ehot? n<», no! \\ hat am I saying?
< •«"1 help me! I must not show
T«> t fie crowd how tlnce cruel words pain me,
But mu‘t kiepon acting my part;
Ah. m rvifui heav. nl sustain me,
For I’ve only a btoue for a heart.
NELLIE’S HERO.
“ It was talked .about when yon wer<>
in your cradles, dear, and then there
was a jesting argument that when you
two grew up you should be married.
And surely you might do worse than
marry Mr Al en Trevor.”
Nurse Gleason, who was just like a
mother to motherless Nellie Huntlev,
finished pouring the je’ly she was mak
ing into a gorgeous mold, untied her
white cap-strings and taking off her
spectacles, rubbed them energetically.
“And now, Miss Nellie, do get down
from that table —there's a dear child—
and go dress for the company. Your
father wi 1 be waiting, and right angry
he 11 be, too. Come, dearie.”
“ No, I w nt I”
The diminutive figure, perched upon
the kitchen table, swung its little s ip
pered feet back and forth, and pushing
a cloud of yellow hair from a rosy fe.oe,
looked up into the honest countenance
of the <ld woman with a pair of mis
chievous eyes.
“ No, nurse—that’s a darling —don’t
make me go. I’ve been shut up in that
horrid boarding-school for two years—
now that I’m home for good, don’t make
a martyr of me. I can’t bear it—indeed
I can't. And I won’t!” she added, sollo
we.
“ But, Miss Nellie,” continued the
good woman, a smile beginning to creep
around the corners of her mou'h in spite
of her efforts to look grave, “ you forget
that you're a young lady now—seven
teen, remember, ami since your poor
dear mother died, you, as the only child,
are expected to fill her place, and assist
your papa in his hospitality. So many
nice gentlemen, too, dearie, and Mr.
Allen Trevor among the rest ”
“I hate him. Bah! Let old Miss
Renshawe fake my place. She's my
chaperone, and it’s her duty. Beside, I’m
sick, and don't feel like going near the
drawing-room to-day. It’s a heap nicer
down here with you, nursie, than to be
acting prim and stiff up stairs; not al
lowed for a moment to forget position,
family, and all that stuff, Hee here!”
She' sprang lightly from her high and
undignified seat, and began pacing up
and down the wide old kitchen - so cool
and beautifully clean-her lovely head
held aloft with mock dignity, a simper
ing smile on her face, and a mimicking
gait that was very ridiculous.
She paused in front of a mold of jelly
clear and transparent-and, arming
herself with a spoon, confiscated a gener
ous portion.
“Queen in the kitchen, eating bread
and honey!” she sang, gayly.
fehe turned suddenly as she spoke, and
with a daxirous movement flirted the
white cap from the decorous old woman’s
head, and perched it lightly upon her
own. Then seizing the spectacles, she
placed them on her own straight and
lather diminutive nose, and then, d as to
Nurse Gleason’s remonstrances, she
folded her arms sedately upon her
bosom, and walked sedately toward the
door, just as it opened from without,
and a tall form stood upon the th resold
—Mr. Allen Trevor!
“ 1 bf g your pardon,” he began hastily.
“ Like Paul Pry, ‘I hope I don t in
trude'?’ ”
“No,” responded Nellie, saucily, and
a trifle’coolly, “ not any more than he
did.” ’ , J ,
A flush shot across the clear, dark
cheeks of the intruder.
He replaced the hat which he had
doffed, and with a low bow, disappeared.
“Miss Nellie Huntley, I've a mind to
be downright angry with you!’ ex
claimed Nurse Gleason, as the door
closed. “ The very nicest young man in
the country, and the one your papa
wishes you to be especially gracious to— ”
“That's just it, nur. ie; I don't like
nice young men. They are so prim and
stiff and goody. A man must be gay
and dashing, brave and chivalrous to
win my esteem. I'm in earnest, I as
sure you, and i shall never marry a man
who has not proved his worthiness by
some deed of daring—something to es
tablish his claim to the title of man
hood. In short, he must be a hero, and
accomplish something noble before I
could care a picayune for him. Did Al
len Trevor ever do a brave dee 1? If so,
the world has kept very silent concerning
it, or his noble actions must hve been
performed in darkness, and have never
The North Georgian.
A OL. 111.
i yet been illuminated, or eliminated,
! either.
Hie paused to draw :t long breath,
I and restore the old woman’s cap to its
| egitimate resting-place. Had she not
! ben thus pre-occupied, her quick eye*
might have caught a g'impse, through
the wide open'window, of a tall form,
and a dark, handsome face, whose owner
i had paused to light a cigar, and had
< Verheard every word the little witch
bad uttered.
Allen Trevor smiled to himself-a
queer little snipe it was. too, and meant
volumes - and, puffing leisurely at his
cigar, strolled away.
A few days afterward a party’ set out
from Huntley Place for the purpose of
passing the day among some old ruins,
which wen considered picturesque and
quite the thing for excursionists “to do.”
1 hey were going on horseback, and a
merry time was anticipated.
T hey reached the ancient ruins,
found them ‘ a 1 ! that fancy painted
thsm,” strolled around the garden con
nected with the old buildings, played
croquet and flirted, and final y sat down
to dinner, about as contented party aas
one would wish to see.
During the whole day Nellie's father
had endeavored to bring the young
co:; ole together, an intention which the
young laay immediately divined and
understood, and straightway Mr. Hunt
ley had his hands full.
“ When a woman will, she will, you
may depend on it.” And every unap
preciated and apparently innocent effort
on the part of Mr. Huntley only made
the demure maiden shun Mr. Trevor the
more.
As I was saying, the party were sit
ting at dinner, an improvised table
laden with good things plenty of ice
and long-necked bottles being predomi
nant. in the midst of merry laughter
nnd gav badinage, a low rumlfling noise
fell upon their ears, so lowed by a loud
crash.
All sprang to their feet in an instant,
the ladies pale and trembling, the men
somewhat startled.
“ What is it?”
Nellie’s face was palid as she asked
the question. Without a word Al en
Trevor sprang upon his horse and rode
away in the direction of the sound, fol
lowed by a number of the gentlemen.
Tn a short time a horseman was seen
returning, galloping like mad toward
them. It was .Mr. buntley. He threw
himself from his panting horse, and
hurried forward, pale and agitated.
“It is in the cpal mine over there!”
he cried hurriedly. “ There has been an
explosion; a portion of the shaft has
fallen in, and nobody knows how many
are buried alive there.”
A scene of excitement followed the
dreadful announcement Home of the
ladies fainted—all were terrified, but
Nellie Huntley stood quiet, and out
wardly calm. When her father had
finished, she laid one small hand on hit
arm.
“ Get my horse, please, papa,” sh«
said. “ I want to go there. 1 may bt
of some assistance.”
“Are you crazy, child? You must
not think of such a thing.”
“ Yes, I know all that, papa, I’m not
going to think about it—l’m going right
at once. Miss Renshawe and some ol
the ladies will accompany me, I am
sure ”
Who would have believed it of those
gay ladies of fashion and frivolity? Not
one forsook our little maiden in her
humane errand.
1 he horses were hastily saddled—the
servant who had accompanied them fol
lowed With ice and wine, in case some un
fortunate should be rescued, and they
set off at once.
Arriving at the spot they found a ter
rible scene of excitement. A crowd had
collected around the shaft. There were
women crying and wringing their hands;
women on their knees, beseeching
heaven for mercy on the dear ones shut
out from their eyes by that awful bank
of earth. There were men standing sul
len and gloomy, with arms folded on
their breasts, and in their faces grim
despair, while the very air seemed heavy
with groans, and sobs, and ejaculations.
As our party approached, a lull fe 1
on the tempest of grief—something
going on—a group had gathered around
a tall form, and were begging and ex
postulating. It was Allen Trevor. Nel
lie’s heart stood still as she heard his
words, in a firm clear tone.
“Do not try to dissuade me. I am
convinced that there is hope, and if you
assist me I may save some life. 1 here
is an opening sufficiently large for one
man to descend with a rope.”
Before Nellie could approach him, he
had hastened to the pit, the necessary
preparation was made, and he had disap
peared from sight into the bowels of the
earth. With a horrible feeling at heart,
I Nellie sank upon her knees She dared
not pray. She knew that at any mo
! ment the bank of earth, stayed in its
progress, might easily become detached
I (the slightest jar would do it), and
i would bury the mouth of the shaft from
view. This was the awful fear that
filled the hearts of all gathered there.
It seemed hours—ages—that she
knelt there mutely imploring heaven’s
mercy. At last a wild shout pealed
upon the air, the rope was pulled from
; below, as though a weight were attached
| to it. Slowly they drew it up, and so
one man was saved. In a few words he
explained the case. The miners were
I all disabled, and must certainly have
| perished but for the superhuman efforts
i of Allen Trevor, who, bearing each man
in his strong arms to where the rope was
i waiting, proposed to fasten it to their
i bodies, and so they would be rescued
I can not tell you in detail of that
heroic deed. One after another of the
| miners was brought to the surface, some
sBELI.TON. BANKS COUNTY. GA.. MAY 27, 1880.
bruised and bleeding, and some dying
All were received by our party, and
kindly and tenderly ministered to.
At last (here came a moment —if Nel
lie should live to sec the next centennial
, she will never forget that moment—when
the last man was safely laude!, and the
rope came up alone. At that instant a
low, rumbling sound was plainly audible;
Nellie bowed her head.
“ Oh, my God, what shall I do? ’ she
wailed, then, with sudden desperation,
she sprang forward. “ Lower the rope
once more!” she cried. In her heart she
hail determined “If he doesnot come
up (his time, I shall go down there my
self. At least we can die together.”
With deferentiirlnrlanee-- at the young
girl, the men obeyed her mandate,
while others stood near, awed and
silent.
linking upon her knees, Nellie waited
in awful suspense for that which was to
come. The rope descended; it dangled
loosely lor a time, then there came a
feeble pull. With loud cheers of en
couragement, the men aboove drew it
slowly upward. Oh, the agony to the
waiting heart, which now for the first
time was unvailed, for Nellie knew, be
vond doubting, that she loved Allen
Trevor.
At last—at last—the end of the rope,
and fastened to it. pallid and nearly life—
I less, the form of the brave man who had
so nobly risked his life. Risked it in
behalf of the rough aud uncouth men,
i who, as the death-white face of their
I preserver appeared above the awful
chasm, rushed forward, nnd, wounds',
and bleedingas they were, lifted him h.
their arms, and bore him away triumph
ant They would not lose s ght of hnn.
lhey hovered around and waited for his
eyes to open, that they might' grasp his
I bands, and pour forth their wild and in-
I coherent gratitude.
. Last of all came a white-faced girl,
I agitated and worn with suffering. She
i knelt by the side of the bravo man, and
| iaid both her hands in his And so Nel-
> lie found her hero after all.
A Broker’s Politcal Ignorance.
(Chicago Tinies.]
But few politicians have an idea how
I iilt'e the general pub ie know or care
I libout them. The writer, last winter,
I met numbers of New York people in
! Washington, and the amount of ignor
t slice displayed by them about public
I men and afhtirs has been simply’ appaf
| ling. What could you think of brisk
I young business men who understand
i horses and money making to perfection,
and who do not know whether Sam Ran
dall was Speaker of the House or pre
-iding officer of the Senate? The worst
I case J ever knew was a provincial broker
, from the heart of the howling wilderness
, known .as Wall street. He was in Wiish
i ington for the first time in his li r e, and
; was anxious to see the Congressional
I boys. “ 1 inn death on sight-seeing you
■ know,” said he, “ but I would like to take
] in what you think might be interest-
I ing ” In the Senate he looked placidly
i around a moment.
“Where is our man, Conkling ? ’ he
I asked.
I “Over in that coiner, talking with
I some rd the strikers.”
“ Oh, ye-; that is the first time I have
i ever seen Conkling'. Broad-shouldered,
, some chest, but had legs. Where is
Senator Hprague? I would like to see
j that cuss.”
“ Sprague is not In the Senate now.”
“Is that so? Well, who is that stout
j roan over there? ’
“David Davis.”
“ Who is he ?”
‘ David Davis”
“ Hee here, that won’t do. You are
chaffing. Where is lie from?”
‘ Illinois.”
A Western buck? Been in the Senate
1 long?”
i “ Not very long.”
■ “Thought not; never heard of him
■ before. Where docs Carl Schurz sit? ’
“ Mr. Schurz is not in the Senate at
I present.”
“ Out of the city?”
" Oh, no- He is at present a member
: of Hayes’ Cabinet. ’
“Come to think, I ought to have re-
I membered that. Where is Charles cum
j ner?”
“ God knows.”
“ What do you mean?”
“Alas! poor Sumner has passed
I away.”
"Too much rum? Was it sudden?
The senators are gay old boys, I under
stand?’
Thus this gay New York child of Na-
I ture rattled on. His ignorance was not
j assumed. In the House of Representa
! tives he asked, “ What place is this?”
: It more closely resembled his stock 1 oard
, room than any other place he bad seen.
I In the Supreme'Court room he asked if
i “all the old cocks” always sat in a row
I listening to cases. He thought one at a
time quite enough, and did not see why
I the nine should not change about so as
| to r*st each other. For the full Bench
to sit was to him an aggravating waste
I of the raw material.
Talk Around It.
I An old lawyer was giving his advice
> to his son, who was just entering upon
the practice of his father’s profession.
“My son,” said the counsellor, “if you
have a case where the law is clearly on
: your side,but justice seems against you,
urge upon the court and jury the vast
importance of sustaining the law. If on
the other hand, you are in doubt about
the law, but your client’s case is founded
in justice,, insist on the necessity of
doing justice, though the heavens fall.”
I “But, ’ asked the son, “how shall I
manage a case where both law and jus-
I tice are dead against me?”
“ Tn that case, my son, talk round it,
talk round it!”
SOUTHERN NEWS.
The Howard colored school, at
Columbia, S. C., has 700 pupils.
The sugar-cane crop of Ixiusiana is
sail to be the finest ever known.
A sew postoffice in Sumner County
Tenn., will be known as A. B. O'.
Fight tobacco factories are in opera
tion at Reedsville, N C
The lumber business in Florida ii
constantly assuming greater proportions
The convicts at the Texas State peni
tentiary turn out 60,000 bricks daily.
Guano of the value of $146,220 ha;
been sold this season at Hawkinsville,
Gs .
Arkansas has more miles of navi
gable rivers than any other State in the
Union.
Qves 200,000 head of cattle will be
driweu frem Texas to Kansas this sum
met
The penitentiary shoe-shop, at Rich
mond, Ya., has been leased by a Boston
firm
Chattanooga is to have a paint fac
tory with a capacity of five tons per
day.
Tom Boyd received only sls for
leaping from the bridge at Nashville
Saturday.
Virginia has a new county—Dickiu
son—formed of portions of I.ee A'.d *d
joining counties.
One hundred and sixty thousand
shad were placed in Deep River, North
Carolina, last week.
Richmond. Virginia, has forty-five
churches, which are attended by one in
sixteen of the population.
There are fifty colored type setters in
the United States, nearly all of whom
find employment in the South.
The cotton mills of Columbus, Ga.,
have Used during the lasteight months
15,462 bales of cotton.
A PARTIAL census of the physicians
in Arkansas shows that there are 1,079
in sixty counties in that State.
The South Carolina State Library
which occupies a single '<ion> in the
Stst’o Capitol, contains 28,000 volumes.
A lot of jute seed has been uistrib.itsd
among the farmers of Hanovei County,
N. C., for experiments in jute culture.
Eighteen gentlemen in Bryan
County, Ga., have organized a Society
for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ani
male.
A quarantine warehouse, to be
used for fumigating rna’ls and freights
in case of quarantine, is being erected
at Orange, Texas.
The growing of pineapplesand bana
nas has been successfully tried on the
Upper St. John’s and the Indian River
country, in Florida.
At Yorkville, S. C., a dealer, while
distributing some guaro, found in it
two joints of a human finger, on which
was a gutta-percha ring.
The flues and costs of a man con
victed of selling beer illegally, as as
sessed by the Criminal Court at Nash
vile, Wednesday, amounted to $l5O.
There are in one hundred counties
of Texas 5,150 registered physicians.
Grayson County has the largest number
—l5B. One county was without a
physician.
The deer which have been driven m
the high grounds of Louisiana by ’he
high water are being slaughtered in
large numbers, regardless of tho game
laws of the State.
Twelve molders at the Wason Car-
Works, at Chattanooga, have stopped
work because a negro was put on the
force and given a place in the room
with the other workmen.
The Baptist revival in Raleigh, N.
C., has assumed such proportions that
the church can not contain those who
attend, and the congregation had to se
cure Metropolitan Hall.
The third annual fair and races of tho
Georgia Stock and,Fair Association will
be held at Oglethorpe Park, Atlanta,
commencing Monday, October 18, and
continuing six days.
The capital invested in the sugar in
terest in twenty-four Louisiana parishes
b mounts to $80,000,000. The product of
sugar and molasses in these counties m
1879 amounted to $22,000,000.
Some of the best signs of the return
of Letter times in Eastern North Caro
lina are shown from tbe general good
condition of the county finances. In
many counties their paper is as good at
gold.
Two large ships have been chartered
by the Virginia and Tennessee air-line
to be loaded for Liverpool with cotton
from Memphis direct. Seven thousand
bales will arrive at Norfolk in a very
few days o be loaded by that line.
Over three hundred men are employed
in the machine-shops of the South Caro
lina Railroad Company at Charleston
They are able to turn out every kind
NO. 21.
of work needed on the road, including '
the building of locomotives and paiisen |
ger coaches.
This old records of the city of Char
lotte, N. C., have been accidently dis
discovered, and now the people there
are busy studying their past history.
Among the old city ordinance? is me ,
that provides Jor the purchase of a cit) l
bull, and that this bovine champion 1
shall be allowed to roam the streets un- ,
molested.
The Arkansas Africans who parsed
through Memphis some weeks ago >n !
ibeir way to Liberia are now in New
York in a destitute condition. Several
of tbe number have died, and the ’©•
mainder will be compelled to go to the
poor-house, as the funds contributed
the charitable fortheii subsistence have
been exhausted.
In Howard County, Ark,, Sarah
Stokes; only eighteen years old, stabbed
and killed Linda Stephens, aged twentv
The cause of the murder was a qusnel
begun by the mothers of the two rirls
and continued by the young jieople
The murderess made no attempt to
escape, and is now on trial. The fami
lies live on adjoining farms and have
been neighbors for many years, and
both sides have many friends, betweer
whom there is much feeling.
r- — L.
New Style of Burgling.
I Milwaukee Suu.j
The plea of the Nun for a higher order
of burglars has been answered. We
claim l d some time ago that our burglars
were a hard set, a lot of miserable crea
tures who had no fine Serisibili ies, and
who could notearn a living in any decent
occupation, and we asked that a class of
burglars be raised up to us wlift had
some accomplishments. The first in
stance of the appeaiance of the new kind
of burglars occurred at Neenah on Sat
urday night. The burglars entered the
residence of Mrs. Coats, where only
ladies were present. The gentlemanly
burglars asked that the diamonds and
money be handed out to them, but the
natural modesty of the ladies prevented
their stirring .around as lively as the
masked gentlemen desired, so one. of the
burglars gently caressed M rs. Coats with
the butt end of a revolver, over the
head, choked her, and finally found
SI,OOO worth of diamonds and jcwe'ry.
Before leaving they passed resolutions
thanking the ladies I'orthc courtesy that
had been extended to them, one of the
burglars sat down to the piano and
played “Home, Sweet Home,” while
the others sung, and after a pleasant
evening the gentlemen entered their
carriagesand were driven away. This is
something like it. The only unpleasant
feature was the refusal of the lady to
give up her valuables, which resulted in
the burglars being obliged to resort to
harsh measures. Ladies will soon learn
to hand over the money at the first de
mand, and then burgling will, be shorn
of many of its most unpleasant features.
We shall not be su prised to see these
surprise parties, after they become
popular, wind up with a dance. A burg
lar could take a fiddle along with him,
and any of the ladies could play the
piano for an accompaniment, the other
two burglars could choose parmers, and
to fill up the set the man of the house
could be woke and a neighbor or two
called in. Then the visits could be pub
lished under the head of “society notes,”
and what is now 'considered an intrusion
of uninvited masked quests might be
looked forward to with much interest.
Burgling is rapidly becoming a science.
Pleased With His Sentence.
The punishment of death, it is ofteu
asserted, has but little terror for the
hardened criminal, who usually prefers
ending his life on the gallows to a lin
gering existence within the walls of a
prison. By criminals, however, who are
not hardened, hanging is viewed with
repugnance, and some striking evidence
on this point is afforded by a scene which
took p ace in the Sheriff Court, of Dun
dee, Scotland. A deaf and dumb man
was charged with an asssalt on his aunt,
whom he slightly wounded in the neck
with a knife that he snatched from a
table in a fit of passion. '1 he substance
of the evidence having been interpreted
to him, he admitted its truth, but would
not plead guilty. His doggedness, in
persisting in his innocence arose, it was
ascertained, from the fact that he la
bored under the impression that he was
being tried for murder, and was sure to
be hanged. The Slieriti found the charge
Sroven, and pa-sed a sentence of thirty
ays’ imprisonment. On the sentence
being communicated to the prisoner by
means of the finger alphabet, he could
not at first realize the fact that he was
not going to be hanged after all; but on
being assured by the interpreter that
his life would be spared, his joy knew
no bounds. Leaping to his feet, his
face radiant with delight, he danced in
the dock, kissed his hand several times
in rapid succession to the Sheriff, in
sisted on shaking hands with the inter
preter, and was led out cutting the most
grotesque capers as an expression of bis
intense happiness.
A storf. was broken into one night
but strange to say nothing was carried
off. The proprietor was making his
boast of it, at the same time expressing
his surprise at losing nothing.
“Not at all surprising,” said one of
his rivals. “ Ihe robbers lighted a lamp,
didn't they? ’
“Yes.” was the reply.
“ Well,” continued the rival. “ they
found your goods marked up so high
, hev couldn't afiord to take them. ’
t) \ oftli
Published Every Thursday at
BELLTON. GrEORG-IA
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
Oae year (52 numberx), $1.00; six months
('6 numbers)' 50 cents ; three months (13
numbers) 25 cents.
Office in the Smith building, east of the
depot.
PASSING SMILES.
Cows have an original taste for
music but they hook too many bars.
Can any one improve his condition by
whining? If not, whine not.
“ My burden is light,” remarked the
li'tie man carrying a big torch in the
procession.
We are told that liars shall not pros
per, yet Jules Verne has made $250,000
out of his original books.
“ You’re a man after my own heart,”
as the blushing maiden confessed when
her lover proposed marriage.
It's twice as much work to spade up
ground for garden purposes as it is to dig
it over for bait.
Judging from the tone of the Chi
cago papers the Bt. Ixiuis girl is obliged
to go up stairs sideways. — Danbury
Newt.
Taken together all the beauties of
art and nature do not begin to interest
tho inquisitive female so much as the
view she gets through a keyhole.
“ Please to understand,” said the
honorable Billy, the other day, “I'm
not such a fool as I look.” “ No,” said
Bob, “ that would be too much.”
A man has invented a chair which can
be adjusted to 8,0 0 different positions.
It is designed fora boy to sit in when
having his hair cut.
!L“They have women tramps out in
lowa,” and soon they’ll be monopolizing
that business, and poor man will be
obliged to work for a living.— CHl City
Derricks
A New Jersey colored man, whose
wife had left him, said: “bhe would
come back if I frowed her some sugar;
but I ain’t frowiu’ no sugar, do you
heah?”
IT is a time-honored custom in
Quincy, Fla., to salute a newly married
couple by firing a cannon. This is to re
mind those present that the battle of life
hasjairly begun.
When a boy falls nnd peels the skin
off his nose the first thing he does is tc
get up an yell. When a girl tumbles and
hurts herself badly the first thing she
does is to get up and look at her dress
“I Don’t wish to say any thing against
the individual in question,” said a very
polite gentleman, “but would merely
remark, in the language of the poet,
that to him truth is stranger than fic
tion.”
That was a triumphal appeal of the
I lover of antiquity, who, in arguing the
Hiipurloritj vs old aroh«tcct«»ro t»vor tl»«
I new, said: “Where will you find any
modern building that lasted so long a»
the ancient?”
The Whitehall Timex is mean enough
to tell this: “When the professors at
Vassar College desire the young ladies
to be good, and piepare to become
angels, they tell them that all female
angels are permitted to slide down on
sunbeams.”
A young man in Maryland started
out with horse and lance and battle-ax
to champion damsels ?n distress. He had
not gone five miles when a red-headed
school ma’am pulled him off his steed
and rolled him in the mud.
When t e young and tender school girl isn't think-
Isn’t thinking,
Os the time when she will be allowed to vote,
'Lowed to vote.
The chances are that she Is coyly blinking,
Coyly blinking
At some young man in a zebra oveicoat,
Overcoat.
—A’ew Haven Register.
A young gentleman in a lager beei
restaurant up town is known to be in
love and to have given up eating. A
sausage being placed before him the
other day, he was seen to tov with it
awhile, and when he was asked what he
was doing he said he was carving hei
uame on the bark.
The mule stood on his off fore leg,
\\ hence all but him had fled,
And kicted a tierce gun cotiou keg,
Right on its bottom head.
The keg it burst with grievous sound,
The mule, oh! where was he?
Go ask him, for he stood his ground,
And still kicks mulefully.
—Brwldyn Eagle.
“Pa, will you get me a pair of skates
i if I prove that a dog has ten tails!”
“Yes, my son.” “Well, one dog has
J one more tail than no dog, hasn t he?”
I “Yus.” “Well, no dog has nine tails;
nnd if one dog has one more tail than no
dog, then one dog must have ten tails.
; Hand over the skates, please.”
It is wonderful what fools boys are.
A charming widow of our city owns a
nice boy, and a man from St. Paul wants
to be appointed deputy father to the
lad. It was only last Sunday that while
tire St. Paul man was strolling down
Chestnut street with the lad, he asked.-
“Bub, does your mammabang her hair?”
and that foolish boy answered, “O, no,
but you ought to see her bang dad’s
head. Guess the minister didn’t know
everything when he told pa to prepare to
die Prepare! why he was aching to
die.”
Dave—“ Ben, if 1 was to lose de blade
out of die knife and get anoder put >n,
would it be de same knife?”
Ben—“ Yes.”
Dave—Well, den, if 1 was to lose de
handle, and get anoder made, would it
i be de sime knife den?”
Pen—“ Yes.”
Dave—“ Well, den, suppose I was to
I find de odder blade and handle and
i have dem put together, what knife would
dat be?”
Ben—“Go long, you got too much
| slack.”
A fervent religious advocate spoke
1 in terms of reproof and exhortation to
’ a dull lo ikimr man, who retorted with :
; “tee here, old fellow, the Lord and me
I are on pretty good terms with each
other, but 1 advise you to look after
yourself, old man, look after yourself.”