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PDBUBHISO EVERY THURSDA
BELLTON, GA.
by JOHN BLATS.
Terms—sl.ov per an sum 50 cent* for six
mouths; 25 cents forthree months.
rartiei away from Belltou are requested
to send their names with such amounts of
money a> they can pare, from 2ce. *o $1
IJI A TIKE OF TROUBLE,
Ab an eagle, from the height,
looking down upon the lands,
On forests black as night,
Fair field* and desert sands,
Sees the traveler below
Losing heart, as, league on league,
Long wildernesses show
No end to hi* fatigue,
Bo faith, amid her stars,
Beholding far beneath
The bright or gloomy bars
In the web of life and death.
Sees weary hearts that deem
The dark breadth is the whola,
Sees happy hearts that dream
The bright rays all their goat
Ah! let this faith be ours—
That even ’mid the pain,
Above the present towers.
And sees the nearing gain;
While, breadth by breadth, appear*.
As from the weaver’s band,
The pattern of the years
Which God Himself has planned.
DR. DEDLING’S MISTAKE.
“Os course,” said young Dr. Ded
ling, “a man has his own fortune to look
to.”
“Os course,” said Judith; and, as
she sjxike the words, a cold chill seemed
to creep, like slowly-congealing ice,
around her whole heart.
“If you had consulted me as to your
affair,” went on the young man, “in
stead of taking this extraordinary step,
entirely without advice or council—”
“Yes, I know,” hurriedly interposed
Judith ; “but it’s over and past now, so
perhaps we had better not talk about it.”
The red winter sunset was blazing
with sullen fire above the cedar copse in
the west; the leafless woods held up
their black arms, in a sort of wrestling
agony toward the sky, as the bleak winds
tossed them to ami fro, and a solitary
raven uttered his ominous croak in the
woods at the back of the house.
Dr. Dedling shuddered as he looked
around him, and glanced out toward the
dreary swamp that extended toward the
east. t
"Such a place,” he said, “for a lady
to select to live in I”
“It isn’t very cheerful," said Judith,
‘' but I have lived here all my life, you
know.”
“The more reason for wanting to get
out of it now,” said the doctor, impa
tiently.
Judith was silent. She looked at the
blazing logs in the old-fashioned hearth,
and tried to keep back the fashrising
tears.
Dr. Dedling arose and took up his hat.
“ Thon I am to consider that our en
gagement is quite at an end ?” said the
doctor.
“Yes,” said Judith, in a very low tone.
“Good-by !” said Dr. Dedling.
“Good-by!” responded Judith.
The next moment she was alone with
the logs, and the crickets chirping on
the hearth, and the strange, weird shad
ows that came and went on the waiuseot
ted walls.
It was just a mouth to-night since they
had buried old Miles Grey out of sight.
Little Judith, who had worn herself out.
in taking care of him, tad dionjx-d a
few tears on the cheap coffin that in
cased his remains, but no one else had
semed particularly to grieve.
Mrs. Pytchley, her eldest sister, who
was married to a New York grocer, had
noldly declared that it was high time the
old man took himself off the stage of
this world, and had made no secret of
her disappointment when it was dis
covered that SI,OOO in gold pieces repre
sented all his hoarded wealth, with the
exception of the cranberry swamp, upon
whose dreary verge stood the house ; and
this dreary property, by the terms of the
will, was to be divided between his two
nieces, Judith Gray and Martha Pytch
ley, as they themselves might agree.
“ I’ll take the, ready money,” said Mrs.
Pytchley, hastily. “ What could I do
with three or four miles of cranberry
swamp ?”
“ Or, what could Judith do with it,
either ?” said Hobart Pytchley, who sat
whittling a pine stick beside the fire.
“I dare say she could manage very
nicely,” said Martha. I’ve heard Uncle
Miles say that he sold S6O wortn of cran
berries one year out of the swamp.”
"Humph !” grunted Mr. Pytchly.
“And that’s legal interest on SI,OOO,
you know,” added his wife. “ What do
you say, Judith?”
“It makes no difference to me,” said
Judith, quietly.
“It does to me, then!” said Mrs.
Pytchley; “because, as you know very
well, Hobart’s business is in the city,
and we could do nothing at all with a
lot of swamp land down here in the back
woods.”
So Mrs. Pytchley had taken the lion’s
share of the old "man’s bequests and
gone back to her city home, over Ho
bart’s grocery ; and young Dr. Dedling,
who had confidently calculated on at
least SSOO, to buy surgical instruments
to fit up an office in the village adjoin
ing—gsoo as the dowry of his bride
elect—broke his engagement in a pique
that Judith should have so deliberately
flung her fortune away.
“ A set of sharpers 1” cried he, with
disgust.
“Stop, Dr. Dedling!” said Judith,
coloring up. “ You forget that you are
s;>eaking of my sister and her husband.”
“ But they had no business to impose
on you thus’!” exclaimed tit- doctor.
"I agreed to the plan without remon
strance. ”
Dr. Dedling shrugged his shoulders.
“In that,” said he, sharply, “you
showed your lack of sense ! If you hail
no good regard for yourself, you might
have had some for me !’’
“Was it for my money you wanted
me?” demanded Judith, stung to the
quick.
Dr. Dedling colored and hesitated.
"A man must take monetary matters
into consideration.” he said.
The North Georgian.
\OL. 111.
And so it came about that the engage
ment was canceled, and Judith Grev was
sitting there alone in wintry twilight,
silently, with clasped hands and head
dropped upon her breast
Doctor Dedling plodded home to the
village, and as he passed the brilliant
windows of the little hostelry he paused,
remembering the bitter cold of the winter
air, the frosty influence of the breeze.
“ I may as well go in and warm my
self,” thought he.
Mine host met him with a cheery air.
“ Walk in, doctor ; walk in!” said he.
“Not that room,” as Dedling mechanic
ally laid his hand upon the door-knob of
the apartment he usually entered. "The
Railway Committee is a sitting there.
Tliis way, if you please!”
"The Railway Committee I” echoed
Dedling. “What Railway Committee ?
You don’t mean that they’re actually
taking any steps about the old idea of a
railway between here and Glassville?”
“ Yes, I do,” said the landlord. “It’s
a committee of rich capitalists, as are
building factories close to the Falls; and
they mean to put up a row of tenement
houses all along, and would lay down a
line of rails; and don’t say I mentioned
it, doctor, because I onlv caught a snatch
here and there, when I was carrying in
the plates, and setting on the fruit, and
nuts, and wine—but it’s to go right
through old Miles Grey’s cranberry
swamp, the railway is! And the Chair
man is going to offer Miss Judith SS,(MX)
in good, clean, hard money for her share
th itl”
Doctor Dedling started 1
“Five-thousand dollars!” repeated
he, slowlv.
Could it really be a fact? If so—and
there seemed little reason for doubting
it—what a fatal mistake he had made in
rejecting a bride who could bring the
rich portion of a “cranberry swamp” as
her wedding dower. If he" had known
this half an hour—one little half-hour
ago!
“Don’t fret about him, Judith, dear,
he isn’t worth it! ” urged honest Marma
duke Redfield, who had stopped on his
way to the postoffice to bring a message
from his mother. “He was always a
pretentious sort of fellow, all for outside
show, with a heart like a stone, and a
nature, as shallow as Deacon Doler’s
brook.”
Judith looked up at the clumsy, good
hearted, hard-handed farmer, and won
dered that she had never before seen
what a true face, and what clear, frank
eyes he hail.
“ Forget him, Judith,” pleaded Red
field; and she began seriously to think
that she would at least make the trial.
“ Come over to our house and stay with
mother. It’s too bleak and lonesome
for you here, for the present at least.
Spring will be time enough for you to
come back to the cranberry swamp.”
Judith Grey looked around at ths sol
itary room, and thought of Mrs. Rod
field’s cozy kitchen, with its bright
colored rag carpet, its window lined
with blooming geraniums, and its shrill
voiced canary bird hanging over the
work-table.
“Do you think,” she hesitated, “that
your mother would be willing to be
troubled with such a guest as I?”
Duke Redfield’s face grew radiant.
“Only try her,” he said; “dear
Judith, you’d be as welcome as the flow
ers in May.”
And the next day Mrs. Redfield came
over in the old farm carryall to claim
her guest, and the swamp house was left
to its own drean’ desolation and the
driving snows of January.
Scarcely three weeks had elapsed
when young Dr. Dedling came to Red
field farm in his new gig, with the old
roan horse, that really made quite a
good appearance when you did not
hurry him, and he was free from a visita
tion commonly known as the “ heaves."
“There ain’t nobody sick here,” said
Julius, the hired man, who was splitting
wood at the side of the house, as he eyed
the doctor rather suspiciously.
“No, I know it,” said Dr. Dedling ;
“but I have called to see Miss Grey.”
“Miss Grey ain’t noways ailin’as I
know of,” persisted Julius, feeling the
edge of his ax, and staring hard at the
medical representative of Glassville.
“I have called,” said Dr. Dedling,
with dignity, “as a friend.”
“ Oh,” said Julius.
“Will you be kind enough to let me
in ?” persisted the doctor.
“ ’Tain’t no use,” said Julius, rollinga
prodigious pine knot down from the pile,
and preparing himself for a stupendous
effort; " there ain’t nobody to home.”
“ Nobody at home?” echoed the doc
tor.
“ They’ve all gone to church,” ex
plained Julius.
“To church, man? Why, it’s Tues
day.”
“ Who said it wasn’t ?” retorted Julius.
“ They ain’t gone to hear service—they is
gone to be married 1”
“ Who?” demanded the doctor.
“Our Marmaduke and Miss Judith !”
And down eame the ax upon the end
of the pine knot with a crash that made
the man of medicine start back.
The new railroad was duly construct
ed directly across the depth of old Miles
Grey’s cranberry swamp, and $5,000 was
placed to Mrs. Marmaduke Redfield’s
account in the nearest national bank ;
and Mrs. Pytchley thinks she made a
mistake in taking the gold eagles instead
of the cranlierry swamp ; but young Dr.
Dedling thinks his mistake was greater
still. ________________
Gymnastic Training.
The Spartans were rigid in exacting a
gymnastic training for youths. Then
the girls were expected to be good gym
nasts, and no young woman could be
married till she had publicly exhibited
her proficiency in various exercises.
The horse-shoe doesn’t bring good luck
when the horse applies it
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA. JULY 8, 1880.
SOUTHERN NEWS.
Little Rook has an artesian well 600
feet deep.
The orange crop of Florida will be fine
this season.
Bum-posting is forbidden on telegraph
poles in Charleston, S. 0.
The new court-house at Gallatin,
Tenn., is a handsome building.
Cider is made in Texas from tomatoes,
and sells at $1.25 per gallon.
Two more new factories will soon be
under way on the canal at Augusta, Ga.
Tira site for the Marine Hospital has
been located at Fort Pickering, Memphis.
The Star claims 20,000 population for
Wilmington, N. C., under the new census.
Mobile has received 350,000 bales of
cotton this season, 10,000 short of last
year.
Flint River has just received a de
posit of 100,000 young shad, at Albany,
Ga.
Cotton goods manufactured in South
Carolina are being sold extensively in
New England.
The ladies of Little Rock have a build
ing association, and $90,000 have been
subscribed.
The Lane cotton mill at New Orleans
has been enlarged to 10,000 spindles, and
is doing well.
The stock of sea-island cotton at
Charleston is nearly exhausted, only 510
bales remaining unsold.
Great fears are felt everywhere in the
cotton belt on account of the appearance
of worms at different points.
New cotton factories are springing up
everywhere down South. One will be
started at Chattanooga this season.
Vicksburg is looking into her sanitary
condition and is determined that Yellow
Jack shall not catch her napping.
Os the 1,000 convicts in the Virginia
State Prison only two admit that they
merit the punishment they are enduring.
A correspondent of the New Orleans
Ti mes, from Kansas, says he has never
yet seen half a crop raised in that State.
Galveston has confronted for an arte
sian well, a,OOO feet deep and eight
inches in diameter, at a total cost of
$23,000.
The Kansas exodusters are still slowly
and sadly working their way back to
their old homes in Mississippi and Louis
iana.
Cows are going blind in the neighbor
hood of Jackson, Tenn., and no cause
can be assigned for so remarkable a
disease.
The Board of Health, New Orleans,
has adopted stringent measures for
sanitary purposes, and seems determined
to enforce them.
A man at Helena, Texas, believes there
will be another flood in November ; and
this second Deucalion is building on ark
for the occasion.
A disgusted negro, returned from
Kansas, says that “if Kansas should be
roofed in it would be the biggest nigger
poor-house in the world.”
Point Cleab, near Mobile, is the New
Port of the South. It is situated at the
entrance of Mobile Bay, fronting both
on the gulf and the bay.
The princely ranche of Capt. R. King,
of Nueces County, Texas, is inclosed by
a wire fence 175 miles in length, inclos
-253,000 acres of grazing land.
The bullion assays at the Charlotte
mint will reach 500,000 during the pres
ent year. The mining interests of North
Carolina are being pushed forward with
great energy.
A negro man in Pointe Coupee Par
ish, La., pulled an old log out of the
river the other day and found in it $l6O
in old French coin, much blackened with
age and exposure.
| |Canning shrimp and preserving fresh
figs for the general market is a successful
industry of New Orleans; ri valine the
famous canning establishments in Balti
more and the North.
Tint census enumerators have ascer
tained that for the last ten years the
mortality in New Orleans has been
twelve in 1,000 per annum, an exceed
ingly low death rate.
The Columbia and Lexington (8. C.)
Water Power Company will send their
agents to different points South to com
municate with capitalists with the view
of inviting them to invent.
A tarty in Jacksonville, Fla., has en
tered into an engagements with a large
London firm to furnish them with an un
limited number of sticks of orange and
other Florida woods suitable for walking
canes and umbrella handles.
Very few of the working men thrown
out of employment by the failure of the
Vulcan Iron Works at Chattanooga have
yet found work. The Aurora Works re
fused to employ some of them because
they are “Union” men.
The city council of Charlotte, N.
have raised the whisky tax in that city
to SSOO, and included druggists under the
ordinance. The bar-keepers are indig
nant, and say that the movement will
give the large dealers a monopoly. There
are at present twenty-three bar-rooms in
the city.
The New Orleans waterworks have
achieved a grand success in being able to
throw a supply of freshly filtered wafer
to the rooms of the loftiest houses in the
city, and will be able to supply water
power for the purposes of operating ma
chinery instead of steam at fifty per cent,
less cost than steam-jiower. The medium
of this power is the Backus motion.
An over-true story comes from “kussed
Kansas” to the Little Rock Democrat.
One good crop in eight years; no rain
since last November and hundreds of
farmers looking back toward Arkansas,
and the negroes in Graham County liv
ing on the buds and berries of wild
roses, wild roots, corn bread and water,
and no meat; hard work and no pay,
are some of the sweets of that Eden of
the West.
The Tillandsia usneeoides, or Spanish
moss, is an air plant and not a parasite.
It feeds on the malarial exhalations of
the Southern soil, and consumes enough
of these noxious properties to render the
country habitable. It grows everywhere
in the lowlands of Louisiana, Mississippi,
Texas, Alabama and Florida, and should
be considered the salvation of the locali
ties in which it js found.
Atlanta is agitating the construction
of a canal from the Chattahoochee River,
so as to furnish the city with increased
water power sufficient for manufacturing
purposes. The length of the canal from
the Chattahoochee River to the Sewanee
Will be about thirty-one miles. The
canal can be built at a cost of $18,090 a
mile at present prices, making the entire
cost of the work from $1,200,(MIO to $1 ,-
400,000.
A good joke is related on one of the
most prominent bankers in Lynchburg,
Va. While marketing several days since
he inquired of an old negro woman tin'
price of strawberries. She informed him
that they were fifteen cents per quart,
but, “bein’ ’twas him,” if he’d take three
,q;iarts they might go for half a dollar.
'Be decided to take the three quarts, and
it was some time afterward that tho
thought struck him that he had been
financiered out of five cente by a country
darky.
Chicken Breeding in France.
Thanks to some singular statistics
just published, for the authenticity of
Which, however, I should hesitate to
vouch, a mystery that has long hung
over our dinner tables is cleared up.
English travelers or residents in Franco
must, like myself, have often wondered
where all the fowls that figure daily in
menus at every hotel, restaurant and
private house in the country, at no mat
ter what season of the year, can possibly
come from. The supply appears to bo
inexhaustible, and that it is so practi
cally is proven by the announcement
that France contains no fewer than 40,-
000, (MX) hens, which are followed by a
train of 100,000,000 chickens, about a
tenth partof these latter being destined
for the duties of propagation. The 40,-
(XX),000 hens lay annually four milliards
of eggs, which, at the rate of 6 centimes
each—a trifle over a halfpenny—the
price paid to the breeder, realize a sum
of 240,000,000 francs. If to this amount
be added the proceeds from tho sales of
fowis, whether lean or fat, and taking
into consideration also the surplus value
attaching to eggs and birds by reason of
city tolls, the total arrived at is set down
nt the almost fabulous figure of 550,(MX),-
(XX) francs, or more than half a milliard,
produced annually by French poultry
yards. Neither ducks nor geese nor
turkeys are included in these calcula
tions ; if they were the gross sum would
have been increased by several hundreds
of millions of francs. So, accepting this
census as tolerably near the mark, we
may henceforth cense to be surprised at
the vast amount of chicken bones daily
picked in France.
Tenacity of Vegetable Life.
The duration and tenacity of public
life, as seen in the length of time during
which the seeds of certain plants will re
tain their vitality, nre truly wonderful.
We may cite the following example :
Lord Lindsay states that, in the
course of his wanderings amid the pyra
mids of Egypt, he stumbled on a mum
my, proved by its hieroglyphics to be
2,000 year old. In examining this
mummy after it was unwrapped he
found in one of itsclosed hands a tuberous
or bulbous root. He was interested in
the question how long vegetable life
could last, and he therefore took that
tuberous root from the mummy’s hand,
and planted it in a sunny soil, allowed
the rains and dews of heaven to descend
upon it, and in the course of a few
weeks, to his astonishment and joy, the
root burst forth and bloomed into a
beauteous dahlia.
The roots of many plants retain their
vitality under intense temperatures.
Certain plants, also, may, by their
roots, absorb some poisons which would
be destructive to others. The seeds on
which birds have fed will retain their
power of germination during a long pe
riod. Birds that feed on the seed of the
castor oil plant have been known to
bear them in their bodies from one
country to another, where they have
I grown and multipled.
NO. 27.
A Reminiscence of Early California
Days.
Away back in 1852 there was a dispute
over a placer mine in Yuba river, at Park
Bor, in California. Stephen J. Field
was retained. Suit was brought before
a Justice of the Peace for an alleged
forcible entry and detainer, a form of
action in vogue for the recovery of min
ing claims, because the title to the laud
was vested in the United States. It was
prosecuted solely as a possessory action.
The constable who summoned the jury
had received S2OO to summon parties
named by the other side. This fact was
ascertained beyond controversy by evi
dence placed in the hands of Mr. Field.
While in bed at Park Bar he overheard
a conversation between a juror and one
of the opposite parties in an adjoining
tent. The juror assured the party that
everything was fixed, and that the jury
•had agreed to render a verdict in his
favor.
The trial was held in a saloon crowded
with spectators, most of whom were
favorable to the other side. In sum
ming up Mr. Field addressed the jury
for three hours. He showed conclusively
that his client was entitled to a favora
ble verdict.
“Gentlemen,” said he, in closing his
argument, “we have not endeavored to
influence your verdict, except by the
evidence. We have neither approached
you secretly nor sought to control you.
We have relied solely upon the law and
tho evidence to maintain our right to
this property. But our opponents have
not thus acted. They are not satisfied
to allow you to weigh the evidence.
They have endeavored to corrupt your
minds and pervert your judgment. With
uplifted hands you declared by the ever
living God that you would return a ver
dict according to law. Will you per
jure your souls ? I know that you
(pointing to a juror) have been ap
proached. Did you spurn the wretch
that made the proposal, or did you hold
secret counsel with him ? I know that
yon (pointing to another juror) talked
over this case last night, for I overheard
the conversation, the promises, and your
pledge. Canvas houses are as one here.
Words uttered in one are voices in all.
You did not dream that you were heard,
but I was there, and I know the details
of the foul bargain.”
At this an ominous “click, click,
click” was heard. A score of pistols
were cocked.
“There is no terror in your pistols,
gentlemen,” continued Mr. Field, in a
thrilling tone. “ You cannot win your
case by shooting me. You can win it
only by showing title to the property.
You can never win it by bribery or
threat’s of violence. I openly charge at
tempted bribery. If it is untrue, let the
jurors speak from their seats. Attempt
ed bribery, I say—whether successful or
not will depend upon what may occur
hereafter. Jurors, you have invoked
the vengeance of iteaven upon your
souls if you fail to render a verdict ac
cording to the evidence. If you are
willing to sell your souls, decide against
us.”
The address was effectual. After an
absence of a few minutes the jury re
turned a verdict in favor of Mr. Field’s
client. Some admitted that they had
been corruptly approached, but added
that they were not so base as to lx? in
fluenced in that way. Witliin two weeks
the owners took from the placer over
$99,000 in gold dust
A Curious Accident.
A curious though awkward accident
happened to a clergyman of this city
who was being shown the points of in
terest around the city by one of his
parishioners. Among other places they
visited a wharf commanding a view of
our grand old river. The reverend
gentleman became absorbed in contem
plation of the prospect before him, and
forgetful of the broken plank behind
him in the dilapidated wharf. Suddenly
stepping backward, he found himself
falling, and instinctively grasped his
friend by the shoulder with one hand
and threw his other arm around his
waist, and both fell into the opening,
which proved to be too small to let them
into the deep and rapid current beneath.
United they filled the month of the
yawning abyss, which gaped wide
enough to swallow either of them alone.
'Die union of pastor and people was
never better illustrated under any cir
cumstances ; the two clung together
like Damon and Pythias, and formed
a suspension bridge across the horrid
chasm with their interlaced bodies, un
til, by the exercise of herculean efforts
and acrobatic contortions, they struggled
out of their perilous position and re
gained their perpendicular, when the
minister complimented his companion
with the remark, “ Well, you are a good
man to cling to. Are all the members
of the parish like you ? ” “ Oh, yes,”
was the answer ; “we are all bound to
give our pastor a good support.”—Ports
mouth (N. H.) States and Union.
The Cucumber.
The extent to which this vegetable is
consumed by the inhabitants of Egypt
and the Southwest of Asia, and also in
European Russia and Germany, would
scarcely seem credible to this country.
You never see a Russian peasant at din
ner but you see the lump of black bread
and a encumber. The vegetable seems
certainly a singular dish to be so na
tional in a country with a climate like
that of Russia. Seme writers say that
there used to be a great annual fair at
Leipsic for cucumbers, when the streets
were heaped up a story high with that
precious element of German cookery.
In Germany barrels of half and also fuil
grown cucumbers are preserved from
one year to another by immersion in
deep wells, where the uniform temper
ature and exclusion from air seemed to
be the preserving agents,
Xorth Cfcofgikq,
Published Every Thursday at
BELLTON, GEORGI A,
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One year (52 number!), $1.00; six months
( 6 numbers) 50 cents; three months (1$
numbers), 25 cents.
Office in the Smith building, east of the
depot.
WAIFS AND WHIMS.
The hotel keeper lives on his inn
come.
Ten cente won’t make a mill between
pugilists.
Two heads are better than one, but not
on the same pin.
The battles of the union—fight between
husband and wife.
Did anybody ever see a little “pig
lead” out by the ear?
Does not a farmer become a cannibal
when he eats his own kine?
Since the foot produces ache-corns,
what kind of fruit will the negro.
The addage must be changed. Bread
always falls oleomargarine-side down.
Man can not add one cubit to his own
stature, but he can make a horse stall.
“ Please pass the butter,” as the man
remarked when he sent his goat by rail.
An apple threw the first man. Since
then it has sort o’ let the business out to
the banana.
Men with deaf and dumb wives possess
some advantage over their more unfortu
nate brothers.
“This farm for sale, subject to mort
gagesand cyclones,” is the way they now
hang out signs in the Southwest.
If the Government wishes to keep
colored cadets out of trouble, it should
plant watermelon patches at West Point.
An Ithica man lost his wife and a yel
low dog by one stroke of lightning, and
he tried for a half a day to revive the
dog.
The Japs study political economy. Ah,
yes; we know what that is. Five dollars
directly to the voter is worth $25 spent
on fireworks.
Two church socials at Topeka, Kansas,
led to five divorces, one violent death and
several fights. Seems to be a good place
Topeka quarrel.
Two French Senators meet: “I have
just come from the Senate. The sitting
lasted three hours.” “What passed?”
“Three hours.”
James H. Gallup and Emma Canter
were married at Grand Rapids a few days
ago. Give ’em time and they’ll make a
■spanking team.
A young Darwinian: Jack (to his mar
ried sister) —“ Hi ! Polly ! ! Look !! !
Here’s your baby trying to walk on ita
bind legs ! !!! ”
“Plant no flowers on my grave when
lam dead,” she said. They didn’t, but
a sul flower came up of ita own accord.
Wasn’t she foolish?
In the midst of life some men do all
the evil they can, and when they die the
papers tell lies about them at the rate of
fifty cents per line.
Wrinkles are not always the sign of
age. Look at the calf’s neck. Or at a
corrugated stove-pipe elbow. Or at a
badly ironed shirt bosom.
Apothecary—“ You want this pre
scription filled, sir, I understand?” Pat
rick— “Divil a bit of it, surr! It is the
bottle I wud have filled. ”
It is only the female mosquito that
bites, but when a man gets a chance to
belt one with a towel, he’s going to do it
without stopping to inquire its gender.
Ralph Waldo Emerson keeps two
cows and milks them himself. Some of
his brightest thoughts have come to him
while being kicked half way across the
stable. ,
When you see a man sit down in a
barber’s chair, pin the newspaper round
his neck, and begin to read the towel,
you may put him down as absent
minded.
“Well, Miss-takes will happen in the
best regulated families,” as the old gen
tleman remarked upon hearing that the
tall and slender young man had stolen
his child away.
The young Englishman, just over, read
to his wife the heading of a medicine ad
vertisement—“ Gained eight pounds in
ten days,” and remarked, “Hexcellent
wages, that, Mary.”
“Household art decoration is what
takes with my boarders,” said Mrs. Gil
dersleeve, as she made a bread pudding
and called her eldest daughter down
stairs to paint raisins on it.
A line in a Welsh poem reads: "Mi
ganabi chwi ganu amfy rwyrtn Pete."
We advise Pete to do nothing of the
kind. It would be injudicious. —Norris
town Herald.
A medical,.writer asks: “Does posi
tion affect sleep?” It does, particularly
if the man is holding the position of
night watchman. He is liable to be dis
turbed by the police.
He Rose to the Occasion.
Nowhere excepting in this free and
beautiful country of ours could an inci
dent combining the humorous and prac
tical have occurred like the following:
It was between Mr. Bliss, a conductor
on the Chicago and Rock Island rail
road, whose height is five feet, and Mr.
Henry, a passenger, who stood seven
feet in his stockings. Mr. Henry put*
his ticket in his hat band, and stood
himself up when the brief conductor
came along. Mr. Bliss could not reach
the ticket, even when standing on his
toes, and his unavailing efforts to do so
made all the passengers “ laugh con
sumedly.” But he rose to the occasion.
Without changing countenance, he
brought a step-ladder, leaned it against
the elongated Henry, climbed up to and
picked off the ticket, and went on as
though nothing had happened. Rather
good, 'and very American.— Harper's
Magazine.
A cold application to the bore feet,
such as iron, water, rock, earth or ice,
when it can be had, is an excellent rem-
I edy for cramp. If the patient be seized
in the upper part of the body, apply the
remedy to the hands,