Newspaper Page Text
PUBLISHED EVEBY THURSDA
BKLLTON, GrA.
BY JOHN BLATS.
P* r M,om 60 cents for sir
eon ins, 2o cents forthree months.
,„ r<rt !*‘.“?** froru Bellton aie requested
to send their names with inch amounts of
money •> they can pare, ’tom 2co. to $1
SONNET.
ST An.REn SAGS LAVGHTSB.
Twould have been better had we never met,
For then no tantalizing memory
Os summer hours that I enjoyed with thee
Could haunt my winter days with vain regret.
May I not hope thou wilt almost forget
One person whom thou <*anst not quite forgive?
But in my thought thy name may ever live,
Like eve’s bright star when sun of love has set
Vnto the worshipers who throng the pave
Os marble through the grand cathedral aisles,
Music’s sweet voiee to all alike doth tell
A charm for curing woe. Thus, by open grave
My folly digged for love, thy pardoning smiles,
Wann love’s cold lips I kissed for death’s farewell
JONES’ MISTAKE.
“Heigho!” yawned Mr. Ellicott, the
real-estate agent, as he looked out of the
window at two old women, a market
cart, and the postman. “Times are dull
—fearfully dull! Never have known ’em
so stagnant since I was in the business.
A list of houses to rent and for sale that
would suit anybody, at prices that are
absolutely scandalous, as far as cheap
ness is concerned, and no demand for
’em—literally none ! ”
And Mr. Ellicott lighted his cigar, ar
ranged the “To Lets” a little more at
tractively in the window’, and shook his
head mournfully at the big ledger on the
high desk.
But just at that instant in which he
drew a sigh, indicative of the extremest
despondency, a stout, middle-aged gen
tleman, with a felt hat, an umbrella un
der his arm, and square-toed boots,
walked into the neatly-carpeted office.
The agent slipped nimbly off his chair,
laid down his cigar, and assumed the
business smile.
“What can I do for you ?” he said,
rubbing his hands, and scenting a brown
stone sale, or a red-brick exchange, at
the very least.
“My name is Jones,” said the stout
stranger.
“ Happy to sec you, Mr. Jones,” sim
pered the real-estate agent, rubbing
away harder than ever.
“And I want to rent a respectably
house in a pleasant neighborhood,” add
<ed the gentleman. “I am sick of
boarding, and I intend to take a house
and go to housekeeping. ”
“Certainly, by all means,” said the
agent, beginning briskly to flutter over
the leaves of his book. “We have, lam
happy to say, a numlier of most eligible
residences here, which can hardly fail to
meet your requisitions.”
“ Give me a list,” said the old gentle
man.
“ Certainly,” said Mr. Ellicott, dip
ping his pen into the wooden standish.
“Imean business,” said Mr. Jones.
“lam glad to hear it,” said the agent.
And scarcely five minutes more had
elapsed before the middle-aged gentle
man with the alpaca umbrella and the
square-toed boots was where a fat-let
tered “To Let ” hung conspicuously be
side the door.
Miss Pamelia Peppermint was just
taking her hair out of crimp in the front
third-story apartment as the bell sounded
its hollow tocsin through the house.
“Joanna,” said Miss Pamelia, over
the stairs, “look out of the area window
and see who it is.”
“It is a gentleman, ma’am,” Joanna
answered, in a shrill whisper, “in a su
perfine broadcloth coat and a new um
brella.”
“Come to answer the advertisement,”
said Miss Pamelia, radiantly. "Show
him into the parlor, Joanna, and tell
him I’ll be down directly.”
She settled her crimps once again,
pinned a petite ribbon bow in her back
hair, gave her forehead a farewell dab
with a powder puff, and read over for
the last time a paragraph in the morn
ing’s paper, which ran as follows :
Wasted.—By a young lady of education and
experience, a position as housekeeper to a gen
tleman of means. No triilers need apply to
Mies P., No. 99 Nixon street.
“Dear me,” said Miss Peppermint,
“ how my heart flutters—for surely this
is a crisis in my life. How often does a
housekeeper become something nearer
and dearer to a gentleman of suscepti
bility and appreciation ! I hope he is
fond of poetry. ”
She crossed the threshold with a
tripping step. To her surprise the
apartment was empty.
“Where is he, Joanna?” said she,
looking around in dismay.
“Please, ma’am,” faltered the maid,
“ I think he’s an escaped lunatic—for
he’s walking all around the back kitchen,
and peerin' into the stationary wash tubs,
and mutterin’ to hisself like everything.”
"Ah !” said Miss Peppermint, with a
satisfied smile. “Very natural—quite
so. He means to find out what kind of
a practical housekeeper I am. A-hem !
nere he comes. Run, Joanna, there is
stove-blacking on the bridge of your
The North Georgian.
WL 111.
nose and a hole in your stocking A
hem! Please to walk in, sir,” to the
middle-aged gentleman who appeared on
the threshold, with his spectacles tipped
over the bridge of his nose, and his um
brella carried, javelin-fashion, under his
arm. “ I have the pleasure of address
ing—”
“ My name is Jones,” said the gentle
man, brusquely. “ You are the lady
who—”
“Who advertised? Yes,” said Miss
Peppermint, with a smiling inclination
of her head.
“ Then I wonder at you!” enunciated
Mr. Jones. .
“ Sir I” said Miss Peppermint.
“ As old as the hills,” said Mr. Jones.
“All out of repair. Fifty years old at
the very least.”
“ Sir !” ejaculated the lady, more as
tounded than ever.
“ Truth is truth,” said the gentleman.
“ Not even decently painted.”
“ Painted?” gasped Miss Peppermint,
instinctively remembering the pearl
powder.
“Rheumaticky, and full of fever and
ague ! ” energetically added Mr. Jones.
“ A tumble-down old ruin ! ”
“ Sir, you insult me ! ” cried the spin
ster, bristling up.
“Then, madam, you shouldn’t ob
trude your damaged wares before the
public.”
“ I was never so abused before in my
life! ” faltered Miss Peppermint, wring
ing her hands.
“It’s high time somebody spoke the
truth,” said Mr. Jones.
“ Leave the house, sir! ” said Miss
Peppermint.
“And welcome,” said Mr. Jones, put
ting his hat belligerently on the side of
his head, and shouldering his umbrella
like a bayonet.
“ But first let me give you a little ad
vice. The next time you have a house
to let-”
“But I haven’t any house to let,” in
dignantly interposed Miss Pamelia.
“ Eh ? ” said Mr. Jones.
“And never had,” added the lady,
breathlessly.
“ Isn’t this house to let ? ”
“Yes, but it isn’t mine, and I’ve noth
ing to do with it.”
“ You said you advertised.”
“So I did,” said Miss Pamelia, with
difficulty keeping back her hysteric
tears. “But I wanted a position as
housekeeper, and—”
The middle-aged bachelor stood aghast,
the full horror of his situation gradually
breaking upon him.
“ Madam,” he said, “ I beg your par
don—”
“ Sir,” said Miss Peppermint, “ there
has been an unfortunate misapprehen
sion all around.”
“ I was alluding to the house, ma’am,
when I it i d those unfortunate adject
ives,” explained Mr. Jones. “I hope
you don’t think, ma’am, that I could ap
ply them to a lady ?”
“I am a solitary female," said Miss
Peppermint, retiring behind her hand
kerchief, “ and I find myself compelled
to earn my bread in a genteel way. You
couldn’t recommend me to any single
gentleman in want of a capable house
keeper, could you ?”
1 ‘ N—no ma’am, I couldn’t, that is just
at present,” stammered Mr. Jones. “But
if I hear of one I will certainly let you
know. Good morning.”
And he bolted out of the door in a state
of cold perspiration.
“ What a fool I’ve been ! ” said he to
himself, as he strode along the windy
April streets, wiping his forehead with a
red silk handkerchief. “ I’ll go back to
Mrs. Budget’s and engage my rooms there
for the next ten years.”
And so he did.
Nobody answered Miss Pamclia’s ad
vertisement ; no one rented the desirable
mansion No. 99 Nixon street.
Mr. Ellicott, the real-estate agent, de
clares that business is duller than ever,
and Mrs. Budget, the boarding-house
keeper, says to her daughter:
“Whatever has come to Mr. Jones, I
don’t know, but he’s as docile as a lamb,
and hasn’t found fault with Iris roast joint
in a month.”
“Wonders will never cease,” says Miss
Budget devoutly.
A DREAM.
In Harper'* Monthly, Mrs. Harriet
Woods Baker, a thoroughly truthful
person, gives a dream of the drowning
of Rev. Caleb Stetson’s son on a voy
age. The facts of the fall from the mast
are given exactly as they occurred, and
were told by Mrs. Baker, before any,
thing had been heard of young Stetson,
to several persons, whose testimony is
given in this article. Mrs. Baker, a sis
ter of President Leonard Woods, was
very sick at the time, and generally
thought to be dying.
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY, GA. OCTOBER 7, 1880.
OLD MR. SPOOPENDYKE.
This lime He Misses His I'rayrr Eovk.
“Now, my dear,” said Mr. Spoopen
dyke cheerfully, “be lively. It’s 10:20
o’clock, and we musn’t be late at church.
Most steady?”
“Yes, dear,” beamed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke. “I’m ready. Got everything ?”
“I think so. Hymn book, umbrella,
and—where’s the prayer book? I haven’t
got the prayer book.”
“Where did you leave it?” asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, turning over the volumes
on the table hurriedly.
“If I knew where I left it, I’d strut
right to that spot and get it,” retorted
Mr. Spoopendyke. “I left it with you.
Where did you put it? Can’t you re
member what you do with things ?”
“I haven’t seen it since last Sunday,”
returned Mrs. Spoopendyke, faintly.
“I know,” she continued; “perhaps it is
at church.”
“Perhaps it is,” mimicked Mi - . Spoop
endyke. “Perhaps it got up early, took
a bath and went ahead of us. Did you
ever see a prayer book prowl oft’ to
church all alone ? Ever see a prayer
book h’ist up its skirts and strike out for
the sanctuary without an escort? S’pose
a prayer book knows the difference be
tween a church and a ham sandwich ?
Where did you put it?”
“I mean you may have left it in the
pew rack. "You know you did once,”
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
“I didn’t anything of the sort. I
brought it home and gave it to you.
Where do you keep it ? What did you
do with it ? S’pose I’m going to swash
around through that service without
knowing whether they are doing the
Apostle’s creed or an act of Congress?
Spring around and find it, can’t you?
What are you looking there for? Don’t
you know the difference between a
prayer book and the ‘Wandering Jew ?’
Find it, can't yon?”
“Never mind it, dear,” fluttered Mrs.
Spoopendyke. “ I know all the re
sponses, and I’ll help you along.”
“Oh, yiw, you know’em all. What
you don’t know about religion wouldn’t
wad a gun. All you want is a bell and a
board fence to be a theological seminary.
Think you can find that prayer between
now and the equinoctial ?” howled Mr.
Spoopendyke. “Got any idea whether
you sold the measly tiling for china
vases or stirred it into the wheat cakes ?
Have I been chewing divine grace all
the morning? Where’s that prayer
book ? Going to get that prayer book
before the Revelations come to pass ? ”
and Mr. Spoopendyke plunged around
the room, tumbling books about and
breathing heavily.
“ I don’t see the use of making such a
fuss over a thing you don’t really need,”
sobbed Mrs. Spoopendyke through her
indignant tears.
“ Oh, you don’t,” raved Mr. Spoopen
dyke. “ You don’t see any use in put
ting things where they belong, either,
do you ? How d’ye s’pose I’m going to
keep up with religion without a prayer
book ? How d’ye s’pose I’m going to
know when it’s my turn to show what
Christianity has done for me unless you
can find that dod gasted book between
now and the resurrection ? ” and Mr.
Spoopendyke spun around on his heel
like a toi> and knocked over a Parisian
jar.
“ Wait a minute, my dear,” said Mrs.
Sjioopendyke, looking at him earnestly.
Then she went behind him and fished
out the prayer book.
“Got it, didn’t you?” he growled.
“ Had it all the time, I s’pose. Where
was it, anyway ? ”
“ In your coat-tail pocket, dear,” and
Mrs. Spoopendyke jabbed the powder
puff in her eyes and stalked down stairs
leaving her liege to follow.
A VERY INTERESTING PUZZLE.
In a storm at sea there was a Chris
tian Captain on board a vessel with fif
teen seamen, who chanced to meet with
a Turkish vessel with the same number
of seamen in her, who were in danger of
being lost. The Turkish Captain most
earnestly entreated the Christian Cap
tain to take him and his men on board
his vessel in order to save them from
the danger to which they were exposed.
The Christian Captain consented and
took him and his men on board his ves
sel, but, the storm still increasing, until
their destruction seemed inevitable, it
was then agreed by both Captains to
place all the men on deck and cast oft
every ninth man, until half the men
were thrown overboard, in order to save
the other half. The Christian Captain
performed this with such simplicity, ac
curacy and ingenuity that, by casting
off every ninth man, he drowned all the
Turks and saved his own men. The
question is, how were the thirty men
placed in line ?
TOO PARTICULAR.
A girl may not ask a man to become
her husband ; but there are many ways
in which she may with propriety com
municate to almost any bright young
man her ideas concerning him. They
are not set down in the guide-books.
They are not part of onr written litera
ture. They come not by rule and regu-
Intion. They arc above and beyond all
these, and responsible to no law. Im
possible though it bo to define them in
w< Js, the language of love speaks them
nunc plainly than cornet voice. Most
girls start out in life with the intention
of marrying somebody, though many of
them are what is called too particular.
The girl who wants to marry, but is not
easily suited, looks around to see what
offers, and finds that this man’s beard is
too red, tl Hit one’s eyes too blue, and the
other one’s ears too long. She will look
a little farther. She examines all that
are in the market, and concludes to look
farther yet. And when, after having al
most unconsciously become a flirt, and
having broken the hearts of half the
young men in the neighborhood, she
keeps on “looking a little farther,” she
finds herself going down the hill on the
shady side of the way, still with an in
definable longing to marry somebody,
and wondering who will come along to
propose to her. It would be rash to ad
vise the young lady to accept the first
marrying man who offers. It is equally
rash to advise her to wait, and wait, and
keep on waiting, and at last marry no
body. But, if she desires to be " set
tled in life,” it is well not to be too par
ticular, or too shy to give encourage
ment to the right man when he comes
oldng.
DURATION OF ETERNITY
Various illustrations have been sug
gested to convey to the mind some idea
of illimitable duration. It has been
said, suppose that one drop of ocean
should be dried up every thousand years,
how long would it bo ere the last drop
wo'dd disappear and the ocean’s bed be
left dry and rusty ? Far onward as that
would be in the coming ages, eternity
would but have commenced. It has
been said, suppose this vast globe upon
which we tread were composed of parti
cles of the finest sand, and that one
particle should disappear at the termi
nation of each million of years, oh,
how inconceivably immense must bo
the period which must elapse before
the last particle would be gone 1
And yet, eternity would bo in its
morning twilight. It has been said,
suppose some little insect, so small as to
be imperceptible to the naked eye, were
to carry this world by its tiny mouth
fuls to the most distant star in the heav
ens. Hundreds of millions of years
would be required for the single journey.
The insect commences on the leaf of a
tree and takes its little load, so small
that even the microscope cannot discover
that it is gone, and sets out on its almost
endless journey. After millions and
millions of years have roiled away it ar
rives back for its second load. Oh,
what interminable ages would elapse be
fore the whole tree would be removed!
When would the forest be gone ? And
the globe? Even then, eternity would
not have commenced.
A difference of opinion exists among
European engineers in regard to the
practicability of establishing a sea, as is
now proposed, in the great Sahara, the
chief problem being, it would seem, how
to keep it up. It is argued that, sup
posing the sea to be created by means of
a canal, it would lose an enormous
quantity of water by evaporation every
day, without the introduction of an
equal volume of fresh water. The water
evaporated being replaced by a supply
coming through the canal, the whole
body wfll soon reach the maximum of
saturation; and thus, the evaporation
still continuing, a deposit of salt will l>e
formed, which in time must fill up the
whole space of the interior sea—the sa
linity of the water being such that no
animal life would be possible in it, and
the ultimate result being simply the ac
cumulation of an immense deposit of
salt. On the other hand, the projectors
of the enterprise claim that the presence
of this water and its evaporation must
produce copious rains, which will in a
large measure return into the sea, and
thus not only accomplish the object re
ferred to, but also convert a sterile waste
into a fertile country.
■ ■lll I - - ■■■■>' ■ *—
The California magnates are credited
with an amount of wealth which would
comfortably support a small country.
Mr. Charles Crocker is stated to be
worth $34,495,458; Mr. Leland Stan
ford, $34,643,308, and Mrs. Mary F. 8.
Hopkiae, $25,280,972.
NO. 40.
SHARP BARGAINS.
It is exceedingly aggravating to fall a
victim to craft. The proprietors of a
comic magazine once paid a “humorist ”
SIO,OOO for the xclusivo right to the
product of his pen for twelve months,
but, omitting to make any stipulation ns
to the minimum quantity they were to
receive, they had to be content with a
solitary contribution. Just such an
other contemptible trick was that played
by Peter Pindar in making up as a man
nigh unto death, thereby obtaining £3OO
instead of £2OO a year for the copyright
of his works ; an annuity the hypocrite
enjoyed for many a year after his verse
found readers. Tired of fruitlessly de
manding the settlement of an account,
Horace Greeley sent it on to a Western
attorney for collection, advising him he
might keep half the amount for Iris
trouble. Some time elapsed without re
ceiving any communication, but at last
came this gratifying note :
“Dear Sib : I have succeeded in col
lecting my half of that claim ; the bal
ance is hopeless. ”
Having nothing else to pocket, Hor
ace was fain to pocket the joke, and re
solved to be more cautious in his busi
ness dealings with strangers.
BARK BURSTING.
This occurs on thrifty young apple
trees near the ground. It used to be
thought that freezing of the abundant
liquid sap occasioned this. But then it
occurs as frequently before the first au
tumn frost ns after it. The sun has
been supposed to cause it- because it
is oftener seen on the southerly side of
the stem than on the north. But some
times, like the tides, it occurs cn both
sides at once. The College Quartet ly
prints a theory of explanation given by
some German observers, who have made
this phenomenon a special subject of
study. They say that the protoplasm in
the cells of the newly-formed wood and
bark is cxtremly hydroscopic,
water and swelling like a sponge. The
aggregate force of expansion of thou
sands of cells is sufficient, certainly, to
account for the disruption. The editor
adds the remark that some sorts of trees,
more liable to burst in this way, seem to
have an open bark which imbibes water
from without readily. Some aerial influ
ence is implicated, for we always find
the injury at or just above the surface.
Sudden change of temperature proba
bly determines the actual crisis of the
burst.
Tiie North pole, as seen by a Balti
more clairvoyant: “The pole is situ
ated on an island, having a gradual rise
from the water's edge to about the mid
dle of it. On some parts of it appear
only bare rocks ; on other parts it has
an abundant vegetation. About half of
it, the east side, is covered with fruit
trees. In some parts they grow in dense
thickets; in some they grow not so close
together, and have grass thickly inter
spersed among them. The fruit con
sists of oranges, lemons, bananas, cocoa
nuts and other tropical fruits. This
part of the pole is inhabited by beetles,
white and black ante, grasshoppers, and
many other kinds of insects, all unusu
ally large ; also by many different species
of the monkey tribe. On the west side
of the island the vegetation is not so
dense. It has many tropical fruits, but
the trees are small. Among the natural
products are the gooseberry, blackberry,
grape, currant, raspberry, and man
drake. But it differs from the east side
in having monkeys, and in having vast
numbers of birds of every size and plu
mage. Among them are the ostrich,
swan, goose, duck, quail, robin and
humming bird. On both sides are many
small streams.”
The Chicago Time* presents the lat
est estimates of the grain production in
this country and Europe, together with
the statistics of our recent production
and exports of breads tuffs. It appears
at the present time that our wheat crop
will amount to between 475,000,000 and
494,000,000 bushels, and the corn crop
will also be very large, exceeding that of
1879. But the European harvests prom
ise to be much better than last year, and
the foreign demand for the next year
isn’t expected to be more than two
thirds as large as for the past twelve
months, in which period the United
States exported about 180,000,000 bush
els of wheat and 100,000,000 bushels of
corn. _
There is no real life but cheerful life ;
therefore valetudinarians should be
sworn, before they enter into company,
not to say a word of themselves till the
meeting breaks up.— Addison.
At court, to make advances is as dan
gerous as not to make them.—Aa
| Bruyert,
Published Every Thursday at
BELLTON, GEORGIA,
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
Oue year (52 numbers), $1.00; eix months
K 6 numbers) 50 cento; three months ('8
n unit era) 25 cento.
Oilice in the Smith building, east of the
d-pot.
PLEA SAN TRIE
“Can tough fowl be made tender?”
asks a housewife. Certainly; in many
boarding-houses the. boarders find the
landlady tenders tough fowl.
“Tom,” said a girl to her sweetheart
“ you have been paying your distresses
to me long enough. It is time you
made known your contentions, so as not
to keep me in expense any longer.”
When a Chicago girl comes‘home by
rail, site opens a window and slants her
enr fownrd if. AU site has to do when
she arrives is to empty her ear into the
coal-bin and the family are supplied
with a couple of scuttles of fuel for the
winter.
A.darky who was stooping to wash
his hands in a creek didn’t notice the
peculiar actions of a goat just behind
him ; so, when he scrambled out of the
water and was asked how it happened,
he answered: “I dunno ’zactly ; but
’peared as if de shore kinder h’isted and
frowed me.”
A rapid recital of the following sen
tence is said to be a certain cure for
lisping: Hobbs meets Bndbbs and
Nobbs; Hobbs bobs to Snobbs and
Nobbs; Hobbs nobs with Snobbs and
robs Nobbs’ fob. “This is,” says
Nobbs, “the worst of Hobbs’ jobs,”
and Snobbs sobs.
A phyb’.han was lecturing lately on
the ignorance of people of their own
complaints, and said that a young lady
once asked him what his next lecture
would be upon, and, being told “ the cir
culation of the blood,” replied that she
should certainly attend, for she had been
troubled with that complaint for a long
time.
TO THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE.
[By a Miserable Wretch],
Roll on, then bull, roll on I
Through pathless realms of space
Roll on!
What though I’m in a sorry case?
What though I cannot meet my bills ?
What though I suffer toothache’s ills ?
What though I swallow countless pills?
Never you mind;
Roll on 1--
Roll on, thou ball, roll on I
Through eeas of inky air
Roll on I
It’s true I’ve got no shirts to wear;
It’s true my butcher’s bill is due;
It’s true my prospects all look blue;
But don’t let that unsettle you !
Never you mind!
Roll on I
—IF. B’. Gilbert.
He was a demure, countrified-looking
man, and was remarkably awkward and
shy. He hail been to the restaurant
once before, and the smart waiter by the
name of William had jmlmcd off a bad
quarter on him. He came a second
time, and, on handing over a $5 bill, he
remarked in a timid way, “Last time
you gave me a bad quarter ; please be
more careful this time.” “No danger,”
said the pert waiter, “ that was the only
one of the kind I had. Sorry I can’t ac
commodate you with another,” as he
shelled out the change. All the after
noon William was chuckling to himself,
but the last time he smiled right heart
ily was later in the evening, just before
he settled with the boss, when that indi
vidual chucked him a bad $5 bill, with
the humorous remark, “I’ll make you a
present of that $5, William, and take it
out of your salary at the end of the
week. ” — Hawk-Eye.
A DOO STORY WORTH THE TELLING.
H. S. Lapham has owned a canary
bird and a small cur dog about three
years. The two pets have, in fact, known
each other intimately all their.lives, and
they have been on uncommonly cordial
terms, considering the radical difference
in their respective natures. On Wednes
day last the bird escaped from its cage,
and very soon after the dog disappeared.
When Mr. Lapham opened his front
door yesterday morning there stood the
dog with the truant canary in its mouth.
Remarkable as it is the bird was alive,
and it now occupies itsold quarters, not
particularly “chipper,” it is true, but
still in passably good health.
The meat-conning business is growing
to vast proportions in this country, es
pecially in Chicago, which now has in
operation more canning factories than
the whole of the rest of the country.
Prices at the factory are 20 cents a
pound for cooked beef and 25 cents a
pound for cooked and pressed tongues,
the canned goods, of course, consisting
entirely of good, nourishing food. This
kind of food should be used in many
more households thau it is at present.
In country places where the butcher’s
cart is seldom seen, what greater con
venience can tliere be than that which
enables the housewife at a moment’s no
tice to place on the table the best of
beef, tongue, ham, bacon, chicken or
turkey.