Newspaper Page Text
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BELLTbN, G-A..
By JOHN T. WILSON, Jr«
Terms— sl.oo pe r annum 50 cant* for sii
nsmss; 3» eente forthree mouthi.
rirtiai away from Bellton ate requested
to »en 4 their nines with such amounts of
money a- they ean .pare,’’rem 2co. *o $1
The Elder Booth.
Berth, the elder, knew his characters
by intuition; he could assume or doff
them instantaneously at will. One
night, in the Charleston Theater, while
playing in the “Iron Chest,” he stood
at the “wing” with Jefferson. The lat
ter was playing Sampson, and Booth,
of 'course, his great part of Sir Ed
ward. While they were thus standing,
Booth, who was waiting for his “ cue,”
said to Jefferson.;
“By the way, Joseph, I notice that
you don’t sing the song in this part of
Bampaon. Why don’t you do it
in thetvay your grandfather used to do?”
“Well, Mr. Booth,” replied the
young man, “ I tJiinK it must be for
the reason that I don’t know how. I
never knew there was a song sung in the
part.”
“ ph, yes,” replied Booth, at once as
suming the air and facial expression of a
comedian, “your grandfather used to do
it cajitally. This is the way the song
ran”—abd Booth went on with a won
derfully droll expression on his faoe, and
sang a ditty beginning :
A traveler stopped at the widow’* gate.
Suddenly, and while he was in the
midst of this performance, the “cue”
was given for his appearance on the
etago. In an instant he dropped the
comedy part which he had for the mo
ment assumed, rushed before the foot
lights, had his great soenewith Wilfred,
aud, coming off again, met Jefferson and
at bnee resumed the expression of Samp
son with all uaturajneas, and with
out a thought of affectation, went on to
describe how the young man’s grand
father sang the comic song : “ A trav
eler aCopped at the widow’s gate. ”
The elder Booth’s was quite
ss remarkable as were irime of his other
characteristics. Buririg hisengagement
with Jefferson he and the company went
from Charleston to Augusta, a trip
which Booth had not made for many
years. Yet, at every station at which he
stopped he stopped he was able not only
to recall the names of the principal
planters who had formerly lived there,
but with the utmost exactness told the
iHimlier of bales of cotton they had made
m a certain year, the number of slaves
they had owned aud other details of the
same minute character.
During this engagement Mr. Jefferson
played continuously with Booth, assum
ing such parts as Sampson, the
Giave Digger, in “ Hamlet, and the
3u’>rd Mayor, in •* Richard III,,”
■which'latter part for some hiddenreason
is always thrown to the lot of the come
dian. His impressions of Booth and
Macready are that the one was in every
sense a born actor, while the latter was
the greatest example of what can be ac
complished by close application, keen
intelligence and untiring study. The
latter won, according to Mr. Jefferson’s
views, by art; Booth succeeded by nat
ural instinct. No man, according to
-Mr. Jefferson, has ever appeared upon -
the stage who threw more intensity,
soul and passion into his performance
than did Booth when he was at his best
Cracking Wheat into Flour.
Minnesota millers no longer “grind”
'wheat into flour. They “crack" it, and
■the people of the Northwest claim that
the new process makes their hitherto in
ferior wheat the most valuable in the
world. Burr stones are things of the
past and Hungarian steel rollers have
taken their place. These rollers are
alout thirty niches long aud eight inches
in diameter, it takes five sets of steel
rollers to finish the flour. Each set of
rollers run closer than the preceding.
After the wheat passes each set of rollers
it is bolted or sifted through course cloth.
This cloth lets the disintergrated par
ticles of wheat through aud passes off
the bulky and larger pieces, which are
run through another and a closer set
of rollers and cracked again. The last
rollers have little else but wheat hulls
and waxy germs of wheat, which do not
crack up, but smash down like a piece
of wax. The germ of a kernel of wheat
is not good food. It makes flour black.
By the old millstone process this waxy
germ was ground up with the starchy
portion and bolted through with the
flour. By the new system of cracking
the kernel instead of grinding it this
germ is not ground, but flattened ont
and sifted or bolted out, while the starchy
portions of the wheat are crushed into
powdered wheat or flour. All the big
mills of Minneapolis now manufacture by
the new process.
Giving Cp Their Dead.
An interesting and important point
concerning the finding bodies of drowned
persons in the Mississippi river is made
by Deputy Coroner Preadlow, of St.
Louis, who has been engaged in secur
ing and caring for these bodies for near
ly twenty years. April is the great
month for the finding of bodies in the
river. Then is the time when what they
term the five and six monthers are found.
Bodies that have been at the bottom of
the river all winter always rise in April.
In fact, all the cases of drowning in the
winter are surely heard of in April, if
ever. Most cases of drowning, the fig
ures prove, take place in August.
Then, the water being warm, the
body rises to the surface within
forty-eight hours after its disappear
ance. In May, the body that goes
to the bottom is seldom heard of until
nine days have passed by. The temper
ature of the water governs the time. So
long as the water is cold the body is pre
served. As soon as the water commences
to change from cold to warm the tissues
expand and soften, and the body be,
comes filled like a sponge with water.
This equivalent weight makes the body
Weigh less than the water and it rises to
the surface.
M At O'!. • le 1.. .n. ' -
The North Georgian.
YOL. IV.
A BACHELOR'S SIGHS.
A life misspent, an inoomplcted mission,
A house *il void of merry laugh
Pertain unto that fractional condition
Os man without a better half.
No one to cheer him in this world's unreal,
Aud soothe a debt-bemuddled brain;
No love with fertile fancy to Ruggeht
Some -way to “ raise the wind" again.
No one to laugh with him when all la bright,
Nor weep when loy« seem over gone—
Alas! no’flugerw, deft and white,
To tew a missing button on.
-No pure-white brow. no)ove-lit ry*r rtf blue,
No treason moved by summer breeae;
Ah im-.J nq dewy lips hae.
No uixgTing, soft, white hand to squeeze.
No sympathetic hopg of morn of life,
N Or memory when he is old—
Bo sad the thought! notneek and gentle wife
Tv sneer at when the coffee’s cold.
And duties over, when the long day dies.
No need of gentle wifely tones.
No one to ask with glad, expecting eyes.
“ Dear, did you get the best of Jones ?”
Os earthly joys and pleasures he Is bare.
He has no of heaven withal •
No school for Christian resignation where
He never hears a baby squall.
A Peculiar Woman.
“ Ketch hold, Tom. There ! I declare
if you ain’t spilled about a quart! I
knew you would get it too full.*’
“I didn’t spill more than ten drops,
Cousin Silence. How you worry over
the loss of a little grease. ”
“ It’s one of my principles to save, as
you might a* learned long ago.”
“I believe in prudence; but what’s a
few drops of lard more or less on this
farm, and nobody knows how muek in
bunk ? You skimp and screw as if you
think there were danger of your getting
on the town.”
“Well, you are the frankest young
man I ever saw,” and Silence Withers
put her arms akimbo and gazed at her
young cousin, Tom Lowey, as if he
was a curiosity escaped from some mu
seum.
“Yes; I was always noted for toy
frankness,” said Tom, coolly, “and 1
never hesitate to speak my mind when
duty urges. However, I don’t want to
hurt your feelings, Cousin Silence,"
“No danger, said Miss Silence, with
a laugh of derision. “lam no spring
chicken, on’ my feelin's have grown
tough. Bnt the idea of yonr duty urgin’
you to speak your mind to me! Perhaps
you don’t recollect the whippings I used
to give you.” *
“I haven’t forgotten,” laughed Tom.
“You used to make me do my duty in
those days. But I wish I could convince
you that it would be only a Christian act
for you to send a little help to Mrs. Bald
win. Yon wouldn’t fee) the spending of
SSO out of your $50,000.”
“Massy sakes 1 It seems as if other
folks know more about my business than
I do myself. Fifty thousand ! Law 1
Who said I was worth that much ?”
“ Oh, it’s common talk,” replied Tom.
“Well, it won't do you any good to
talk. You’ll never see the color of my
money after I’m dead and gone. I’ve
made my will; and, since plain speak
in’ pleases you, I’ll make free to
say you ain’t mentioned in it. So,
there 1”
“I calculate to take care of myself,"
said Tom, tilting the chair against the
wall. “Leave your money wherever
you choose ; I don’t want it.”
“ The day may come when yon will
want it, Tom Lowey, and then you’ll be
sorry for sayin’ them words. I’ll re
member ’em; so will you when your
pride has its fall. There’s plenty of
things I can leave my money to; it won’t
go begging.”
“I guess not.”
“You’d more’n guess if yon were to
live here a spell and see the stream of
visitors I have. There ain’t a day but I
get nagged about my money by some
body.' Deacon Bonney thinks it's his
bounden duty to advise me to leave it to
found an orphans’ home. Old Mr.
Craig wants it left to Wolf boro Acad
emy ; ’Squire Darby has his mind on it
for a public library, and the minister
thinks I ought to remember what a
debt’s on the church. To hear ’em talk
you’d think I had one foot in the grave.
I don’t give none o’ ’em any satisfaction,
and then they say I'm peculiar. Well,
perhaps I am ; but I don’t see no possi
bility of any change in my natur’.”
Tom laughed. He was spending a
couple of hours at the farm, which had
been his only home until lie began to
“ scratch for himself,” to use his gaunt
cousin’s expression. Now he never loft
more than a day or two pass without
looking in on the lone spinster to see if
he could give her any help, and to-day
he was making himself useful in lifting
jars and boilers of hot grease on and off
the stove, for Miss Silence was trying
out lard.
Tom’s law practice, as yet, was not
very exacting, much to his regret ; and
he had more time on his bands than
pleased him.
“But, now, do promise you’ll send
Mrs. Baldwin something for Christmas,
Cousin Silence,” said Tom, returning to
tllP flttrlCk
" 1 neve’r promise what 1 don’t mean
to perform,” was the characteristic an
swer he received to his pleading. “Mar
tha Baldwin and me ain’t been on speak
in’ terms for these five years, and I’d be
innkin’ myself pretty small to send her
Christmas presents. I’d noon be on the
town if I began to help all the poor folk
you know. It 'pears to rile yon mice a
mighty deep interest in them Baldwins,
1 Tom. ‘ Melissa Bonney let out a bint
that vou was a sparkin’ that Prissy Car
i roll.’’
“ I wish Melissa Bonney would mind
1 her own business.”
| " Don’t get riled. I dare say it’s true.
'T would be like yon to court a gal with
out a penny, because you've not a pen
ny yourself. Prissy Carroll’s been raised
1 out of charity by her aunt.”
BELLTON, BANKS COUNTY,-G A., MARCH 3. 1881.
“ That don’t make her less lovable,
Cousin Silence.”
“ Now, Tom Lowey,” said Miss Si
lence, brandishing the big iron spoon
with which she stirred the lard, “ don’t
make a fool of yourself over a pretty
face. Butter your bread liefore you eat
it. There’s Melissa Bonney, whoso
father’s worth—"
“That’s enough,” interrupted Tom,
arid, before Miss Silence could stop Kim,
JiS' was out of the kitchen door and
walked briskly down to the gate.
“ Law sakes 1 what jieeuliar creatures
men are I Tolk of bein’ peculiar ; why,
I ain’t a circumstance to that Tom
Lowey. He’ll marry that Prissy Car
roll now, if it’s only to show me he
didn’t care for my money.” And,
with a sigh, Miss Silence went back to
her lard.
“Christmas gift, indeed!” she mut
tered, after standing for some time in
deep thought; “I think I seo myself
eating humble pie to Martha Baldwin.”
But, somehow or other, her conscience
did not feel quite so easy as it had felt
before Tom’s call.
An hour later Tom was sitting in the
Widow Baldwin’s small narlor. with hia
arm around a very trim waist, and a very
lovely golden head resting on his
shoulder'. It was very evident that the
closest economy was necessary with the
Baldwins, for the carpet was patched*
and worn, and the muslin curtains ,
washed threadbare, and the furniture
in saa neea. oi varnisn ami new hair
cloth.
“ I wish I saw my way dear to take
you ont of this. Prissy,” said Tom, with
a sigh, “but clients are scarce enough
in Wolf boro.”
“ Now, Tom, where’s the need to
worij) ? I couldn’t leave Aunt Martha,
anyway. We are both young enough to
wait,”
“I’ott're too. good lor this world,
Prissy,” said Tom, with a kiss on the
dimpled, white chin.
“ There’s some one ( knocking I let me
go,” cried Prissy, springing up and fun
ning to the door,
11 was no visitor, but the hired man
from Miss Silence's farm, with the spring
wagon, which he had brought to convey
Toni to Ids cousin'n home, for Miss Si
lence had, hot ten minutes after his de
parture. an hour previous, overturned a
kettle of lard by accident, and lieen ter
ribly scalded.
“Where’s my hat?” cried Tom, in
great excitement, while the- <nan was
telling how he had wasted time by go
ing to the office first, and, not finding
him there, had hunted him tip.
“Let me go with you, Tom ; 1 know
I can help,’’ cried Prissy, as her lover
was springing into the light wagon.
“ Oh, Prissy, if yon only would.”
“Wait until I got my bonnet and
shawl and tell Aunt Martha, I won’t
be gone a minute," and Prissy rushed
into the kitchen, where her aunt wae
ironing.
“ Go, by all menus,” said Mrs. Bald
win, when she had grasped the meaning
of the girl’s incoherent explanation.
“ Stay as long as you are needed, aud
don’t worry about me.”
Miss Silence made no remark when
Prissy entered her room with Tom. She
was in great pain, and was thankful to
see even this member of the hated Bald
win family.
For three weeks Prissy was chief di
rector at the farm, and managed so clev
erly that Miss Silence had no chance to
find fault. Bnt the grim spinster had no
word ol commendation for the young
girl’s untiring industry.
“ I calkerlato to pay yon for what you
have done," she said one day, as she
watched Prissy making bread. “ You
needn’t think you’re workin’ for noth
in’.”
“ I don't want any pay, Miss Silence,”
said Prissy, with trembling lips; “I am
only too glad to do what I can, lie
cause—” She hesitated and turned
scarlet.
“Because yon’re in love with Tom,”
finished Miss Silence. "Oh, youneedn’t
blush; I know all about it, and, if he
chooses to break his head agin a stone
wall, I ain’t a-goui’ to stop him.”
At the end of three weeks Miss Silence
was able to be about again, and Prissy
went home, declining the S2O bill for
her services. But she had not been
gone three hours when the hired man
came from the farm, with two largo
baskets, which he sat down on Mrs.
Baldwin’s kitehen floor.
“Compliments of Miss Silence, and
she sent these in place of the, money,”
and was driving off in the spring wagon
before Prissy could recover sufficiently
from her astonishment to ask him any
questions.
The baskets were full of good things
of every sort, and th was a royal
Christmas dinner for the Baldwins the
next day, much to the joy oi the chil
dren, who had contemplated, ruefully,
dining on mush and potatoes.
Prissy sent a note of thanks to Miss
Silence by Tom, but she never received
an answer.
Time moved on, and Tom’s law busi
ness improved so much that he persua
ded Prissy, against her better judgment,
to marry him.
Miss Silence did not grace the impor
tant occasion with her presence.
“ I’ve no time to be gallivanting off to
weddings," was her excuse, when Tom
reproached her for this slight.
i “She is such a peculiar woman, we
must not expect her to act like other
people; but she has a good heart in
spite of her queer ways,” said Prissy,
when Tom tried to make excuses for Ins
cousin’s remissness.
“ But her greatest peculiarity lies in
her not liking you, Prissy,” said Toni,
kissing his bride's soft cheeks. “And I
can't quite forgive her lack of taste.”
All went well with the young couple
for more than a year. They began
housekeeping in a modest cottage Tom
was paying for by installments, and were
so prudent that they managed to gather
about them many little comforts that
made their home pleasant.
But fortune seldom smiles long at a
-time, as we all know, and reverses will
come to every one. One bitter night in
December Tom’s house caught fire and
burned to the ground, nothing being
left except a few clothes Belonging to
Prissy and the baby.
Os course Mrs. Baldwin opened her
house to them at once, though it neces
sitated much crowding. Prissy sug
gested an appeal to Miss Silence, but
Tom emphatically declined to make it.
He was far too proud to ask for the helji
which he thought should have been
earnestly offered. His last books and
papers had all beeu destroyed in the
fire; for lie had used a room in the cot
tage for an office, and getting a living
was rather up-hill work. Christmas was
dreary enough that year, and even Pris
sy's courage sank at the thought of the
future.
“Tom Lowey will have a chance to
show what kind of stuff he’s made of,”
said Miss Silence. “He burdened him
self with a wife and baby, and he’ll have
to lookout for ’em. I toldhim I’d never
give him a dollar of my money, and I’ll
keep my word, no matter what hap
pens.”
Miss Silence had thought herself proof
against the weakness of falling ill; but
in March she caught a se,vere cold, and
pneumonia ensued. She felt she never
should get well again, and the doctor
told her frankly that in all probability
•he would live but a few days.
“I want to see the lawyer at ouce, if
that is the case,” she said. “I must
make a new will.” , ,
Mr. Simons, who had managed her
business for years, came as soon as he
received her message, and the will was
made. Ho hardly left the house before
Tom called.
“ I’m worse,” said Miss Silence, feeb
ly, “ but I’m not afraid to go. Per
haps I’m peculiar in that as in other
things. Deacon Bonney and the minis
ter, Mr. Craig and Mr. Darby have all
been here a urgin’ of their several
claims. 1 told each o’ ’em I’d consider
the matter.”
“Will they bo disappointed, Cousin
JBilence ?” asked Tom.
Poor fellow 1 he was in such a sore
strait that ho could not help a desire to
• have some small help from his cousin’s
, hoard. He hardly date hope she had
loft him a cent, arid yet-he was her only
relative.
“That remains to be seen,” was the
unsatisfactory reply he received to his
question. “ But don t. you cherish no
hopes, for I ain’t left you a cent.”
A bitter smile curled Tom’s lips, but
he made no reply,
“I suppose you think me peculiar in
not leavin’ you my money, seein’ you
are the only kin I’vo got,” went on Miss
Silence, “but you’ve taken such pre
cious care to convince me that you don’t
want it, that I’ve believed you and acted
accordin’.”
Tom went home and repeated the con
versation to Prissy, who shed a few tears,
but tried to cheer her husband’s droop
ing spirits with hopes of more law busi
ness in the spring.
That night Miss Silence died, and the
whole town turned out to her funeral a
few days later.
• ’ J. expect Wolf boro Academy will find
itself able to erect a new building U hell
Miss Silence’s will is read,” said old Mr.
Craig. “She’s told me she’d consider
the matter, and I know she Was im
pressed with my arguments.”
“I rather think you are mistaken,”
said ’Squire Darby, “for I feel morally
certain she has left her money to found
a library.” .
The minister, wlio «tood near, smiled
to himself. He had not the slightest
doubt that the debt which hung over ilia
church like a pall would now be lifted
through Miss Silence’s will.
Torn did not want to go to tne reading
of the important document, but Prissy
insisted, so they went together, though
neither of them looked very cheerful.
Mr. Simons made no objection to the
presence of ’Squire Darby . Mr. Craig
and the minister chuckled as Deacon
Bonney entered with a pleasant smile
for Tom, who well knew what sarcastic
triumph lay beneath it.
The will was dated three days pre
vious, aud every penny in the bank, and
tiie large farm were left unconditionally
to Pressy Lowey. Her husband’s name
was not mentioned.
Tom’s face was a study, while Prissy
almost fainted from the sudden relief to
all her trouble.
The faces of the otlier men present
were studies, too. The deacon left the
house without a word, and the 'Squire
looked grimly at Mr. Craig.
“She was a very peculiar woman,”
said the minister, wiping his brow, on
which the beaded drops of perspiration
stood thickly. His anxiety about his
church had been very great, yon see.
But Tom aud Prissy could afford to
forget their dead cousin’s peculiarities,
since she had kept her vow never to give
Tom a cent, and yet had managed to
make him comfortable for life. There
was an immediate flitting to the comfort
able farm-house, and Tom furnished a
nice office in town and drove m every
morning in the spring wagon. Post
troubles and cares were forgotten, the
Baldwins were made more comfortable,
and, considering all things, Miss Si
lence did more good with her money
than if she hnd left it to found a library
or lift a church debt
Adulterations of Food.
The liberty guaranteed by this great
Republic is a fine subject for a Fourth of
July oration, but when that liberty
license* fraud, and permits imposition
on the people, alike injurious to health
and dangerous to life, it reaches the
precincts of abuse, and should receive a
prompt and vigorous check. Peoria
Freeman,
SOUTHERN NEWS.
There is only one white woman fn tlie
Alabama penitentiary.
It is said that Sabine Pass has |>ceu
deepened ten feet at an expense of $50,-
000.
A vineyard in Live Oak county, Texas,
is said to have produced three crops of
grapes last year. .
A single business house of Greensboro,
N. C., has bought 250/X'O rabbit ridns
this season.
S.veuty buildings were erected in
Raleigh, N. C'., in 4880, of which one
was a church and sixty-three were dwell
ing houses.
Col. Thomas Ruflin has been appoint
ed-Associate Justice of the Supreme
Court of North Carolina, vice John IL
Dillard, resigned. ,
The Arkansas State Senate has passed
a bill appropriating SIO,OOO for a branch
normal college at Pine Tllufl so? the edti
cation of colored teachers.
The proposed amendment prohibiting
the sale of intoxicating liquors in AVest
Virginia has beer, indefinitely postponed
by the State Senate.
Tn Gadsden, Ala., the valueof taxable
property has increased from $298,792 in
1879 to s4l-1,200 in 1880, and the city
tax at one-fourth of one per cent, from
$784 48 to $1,0113 15.
The Swedenborgian Publication So
ciety has donated to the library of the
Georgia institution for the education of
the deaf and dumb Swedenborg’s'com
plete works. There are no funds to re
plenish the library of this institution,
and persons who can give books should
send them to Cave Springs, Ga., or to
Gov. Colquitt.
The North Carolina Legislature has
passed a bill providing for the publica
tion of a roll of the North Carolina
trobjffl in the late war. dfity of
collecting the names has been delegaterf
to Maj. Moore, the historian. Tn addi
tion to this work he will add other facts
descriptive of the movements of each
regiment during the war.
Montgomery Advertiser; Considera
ble sensation was excited by the sudden
sinking of nearly 100 feet of the track of
the Montgomery and Eufaula railway at
a point neaf the limits of Union Springs
a day. or two since. Those Who visited
the sjait speak of it as something of a
phenomenon in its way- It had the ap
pearnn>’o of a depression caused by an
earthquake.
Memphis, Tennessee, is in :l bad Way,
financially. Its taxable property has
decreased from $30,800,00 in 1866 to
$13,1100,000; there is 82,590,000 of back
taxes due ; and the tax rate for the next
two years, if the health linproveirtents
are carried out, will be $8.95 on SIOO.
The present population of Memphis is
83,593, and the total debt, $6,000,000, is
$l7B per capita, and 43 per cent, on the
whole taxable property.
The rapid development of the business
of importing fruit to New Orleans, the
Times of that city says, has materially
interfered with and reduced the foreign
trade of New York, which city has here
tofore supplied the entire West with
fruit. New Orleans possesses exceptional
advantages as a distributing point. Her
climate is favorable. Fruit often reaches
New York during the winter frozen, or
is exposed to severe frosts on binding.
Speaking of the State debt of Louis*
isana, the New Orleans Democrat says:
Under the provisions of the new constitu
tion the debt, in case all consolidated
bonds are exchanged for four per eent.
bonds, would amount to $8,879,550, re
quiring the sum of $355,182 arinuallv for
interest. Collections for the interest
fund already amount to $355,225 83, or
more than enough to pay the interest
for 1880 upon the whole amount of the
State debt refunded under the provisions
of the'new constitution. The surplus,
$43 83, doubtless goes to the support of
public schools.
It is questioned at Mobile whether the
public property belonging to the defunct
j city of Mobile, now in the hands of the
Commissioners for the adjustment-of the
debt of the late city, should not, under
the decision of the United States Su
preme Court, in the Memphis case, be
turned over to the Commissioners of the
pirt of .Mobile fqr governmental
purposes. The port of Mobile has
not money enough in its traas
‘ ury to meet the pay-roll of this
month. The port Commissioners have
j aid to the Mobile Commissioners from
rentals and markets about $3,700 per
annum for the last two years.
PUBLUBKP EVMIT ThDMDAT AT
BETjIuTOTT. GEORGIA.
1 s ■*'
7UMS or BUBBOUUPTIOJr.
due'year (W naiaberij, s4.os; ifx meathe
i 6 numbers) 50 cent*; three meatae (1$
uumbere), 35 cents.
OL’ice m the Smith bwfldiag, east of the
depot.
TsO. 9.
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.
Borr,Kß explosions are becoming so
numerous that vaccination appears neces
sary to keep them from breaking out.
—Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald.
A Chicago restaurant, .keeper adver
tises "roast turkey and cram berry saus,”
anfl yet a hungry man might go where
they spoil bettor and fare worse. — New
Orleans Picayune. ‘
“Dost love me? Tell me once again,
My little pootsy tooUl”
With love-lit eyes she sweet replies:
“Do I? You bet yonr boots!"
-- —Modern Argo.
T.he Cloveland Herald has published
'some vbrses entitled: "Why do I sing ?”
and written by a young woman. It is
probably liecause her father paid five
himdrdd dollars to a music teacher for
spoiling a good stocking darner.
At an undertakers’ conference in New
Yorkrecently, one undertaker complained
that the sextons were getting “all the
cream of onr business. ” What for Heav
en’s gako, is “the cream” of the under
takers’ business?
T.\ olden time-*, when people heard
Home swindler huge haa dome to grief,
They used a good old tiuxoq word,
And oalX'd that man a “thief.’’
Btrt language such as that to-day
Upon too many feelings grates,
So pe<iple smile and simple say,
“ He— *
The man who journeyed long to spit
upon the grave of his enemy found that
the said enemy' was drowned in a lake
and his body not recovered. There are
lots of things in this world to make a
mar. mad.— Detroit Free Press.
The Galveston News Says a man in
that city who had a mule’for sale, hear
ing that a friend in Houston wanted to
buy a mule, telegraphed to him: “Dear
Friend —ls you are looking for a No. 4
mule don’t .forget me.”,
An exuberant youth hails a supposed
acquaintance with “Hello, Joe,” but,
finding his mistake, adds; “O, excuse
trie; I thought you Were another man !”
Laconic stranger answers: “lam.”—
Buffalo dijs-press. t ’
No Adolphus, newspaper men do not
have duplicates of the last straw that
broke the camel's back. They are use
ful, as you say, but newspaper men aro
so accustomed to * d—k—g the other
way, they don't care a straw about
them! -; -
A minister overtook a Quaker lady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gwtev AotHM waawqpmpartive stranger
iu town, he stud': “ You don’t know,
perhaps, that I an> Mr. r . Haven’t
yon heard me preach?” “ I have heard
you try,” was the quick rejoinder.
“As for me,” says Mme. Z., whose
husband is a member of' the Assembly,
“I always do my shopping when the
Senate is discussing the appropriation
bills. Then, you see, my husband is ac
customed to such, large qg ll1 ’ 08 that ®>y
bills look small to him." — French paper.
Tins is the particular time of the year
when the citizen is attacked with a se
vere case of economy, and immediately
cuts off his entire list of newspapers.
There is one paper' he does not relin
quish, however. It is his paper of to
baooo.— Uockland Courier.
The man who works in a factory, his
pay day comes once a month; but the
man wlio works at ditching has his spade
day oftener than that.— rlarathon Inde~
pendent. Hoe! Hoe! Fork conscience
sake shove ’long tills ptm. and don’t har
row up our feelings in thia way.
A Yankee tobacco chewer was in the
habit of declaring about once a .month
that he would “never chew another
piece,” bnt broke his pledge as often as
he made it. On one occasion, shortly
after he hail “broken off,” he was seen
taking another chew, “ Why,” said his
friend, “ you told me you had give.i up
that habit, but I see you are at it again.”
“Yes,” he replied, “I have gone to
chewing and left off lym«.”_
lorn Corwin s Welcome to His Son-in-
Law.
At themarriageof his oldest daughter,
Eva, to Mr. George R. Sage, a young
lawyer of Cincinnati, Corwin manifested
so much feeling that the occasion took
more of the aspect of a funeral than of a
wedding. During the ceremony he
shed tears, and at the supper, after a
piolouged and solemn silence, he sud
denly broke out:
“Now I want it distinctly understood
that this thing is never going to happen
again"in this house. There will never
be another wedding here. I will get a
trigger six feet tall, and give him a pole
ten feet long, and post him at the front
door, and instruct him to knock any
voimg man in the head who comes to
see my daughters.”
Gen. Garfield relates that, shortly be
fore Corwin’s death, when he returned
to Washington from a flying visit to
Lebanon to attend the marriage of his
youngest daughter, he referred to this
marriage of Eva, and said that he shut
himself up in his room for three or four
days before it occurred, and could not
be' persuaded to take any part in the
preparations, and only on the most
earnest solicitations did he come down
to witness the ceremony. He said: “I
could not endure the thought of my
daughter loving another man betterthnn
myself; and yet she married a noble
fellow. And now the old feeling has re
turned. I tell you I had a horrible time
of it until the ceremony was over.”
lr a woman really loves her husband,
and enjoys his society, she can And a
way to keep him home evenings. Let
her get somebody to hint to him that a
young man calls very often of an evemng
at his house, and he’ll plant himself m
the parlor right after supper, and never
think of going_out
The universe is but one great city,
full of beloved ones, divine and human,
bv nature endeared to each other.