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ISfoftl) PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY - AT- BELLI ON, GA. Bv MYERS «8& BUICK. DR. D. M. BREAKER, Editor. Office in the Smith building, east of the depot. TERMS—SI.OO per annum, 60 cents for six months, in advance. After three months, $1.25; after six months, $1.50 jer annum. Eiftv numbers to the volume. TOPICS OF THE DAT. Is Boston 300 ladies operate at stock heard*. Congress, like ail other great bodies, moves slowly. We mat just as well record this as the Lunatic Epoch. Oscar Wilde, the too too poet, wants 8200 a night for lecturing. The music in Beecher's church, the past year, cost $5,720. People who live in glass houses should pull down the blinds, of course. Ths losses by fire in the United States, for 1881, aggregate 8100,000,000. The past warm weather interfered wiry seriously with pork packing. ■ ■ ■ '■ ' ~ Ths Land League, a revolutionary paper in Ireland, is now conducted by ladies. Washington is to have a newspaper called Common Sense. A Capital idea. ♦ The .Tews are having a terrible time of it in Odessa. They are a persecuted race. » Eleven thousand dollars were the re ceipts at once of Patti’s matinees, it Boston. Ohio is not, nor is she likely to be represented in the Cabinet. Paste that in your hat Mrs. LangCbv, the English beauty, has made her debut on a London stage, thanks to our “stars.” Speaker Keiper is charged by the New York Tribune with being “ Weet ern iu his manners.” That’s “worse’ll s tealin'.” It is stated now that Guiteau wrote the Morey letter. What that fellow hasn’t done is perhaps not in the crim inal catalogue. Capt. Dave Paine, with eight or more of his followers, have invaded the Okla homa lands, and anticipate no trouble from the authorities. Smokers will lie pleased to learn that of eight inmates dying of smallpox in one tenement house, in New York, all were cigar makers. Greenb rcKERs are holding meetings preparatory to moving on Congress. It seems that the money question is bother ing nearly everybody. Mark Twain is living in Canada, just so as to get a copyright ou his last new book. When that is done he will return to the United States again. Mr. Seth 8. Bishop, M. D., of No. 208 Ogden avenue, Chicago, publishes a statement showing Guiteau, the mur derer, committed* forgery when in that eity. Contrary to refiort respecting the President's opposition to women, he has sent the names of two of the fair sex to the Senate for confirmation as Post mistresses. An exchange says President Grevy, although he gete a salary of $200,000 a year, makes his own coffee. Well, there is nothing so bad about that. Jay Gould drinks his. A paper at Quincy, lIL, has discov ered that a great many household arti cles get misplaced and lost, but some how, almost any family can keep fifty two cards together. “ KiEPn ” is a German word, and signifies to scold, to chide. The only difference between this word and the name of the new Speaker is the trans position of the letters "i” and “e.” Is this the Great Eastern ? No, it is a Cincinnati girl’s shoe. See how easy it is to be mistaken.— Chicago Tribune. Is this a joke ? No, it is Chicago wit. , ' See how easy it is to be a Chicago wit ? —Cincinnati Gazette.. ■ I The St James Gazette remarks that hereafter the European powers will be obliged to recognize the fact that the United States has a foreign policy of its own. We should judge there is some truth in this State seen k ♦ Beginning with January 1, Omaha will be operated under the SI,OOO license law. By this it is proposed to limit the sale of liquors to but few houses. The success or failure of this law will be awaited with interest. Ettwaed 8. Stokes, the slaywr of Jim Fisk, having met with great pecuniary The North Georgian. VOL. I V. success in California, is living in e very extravagant manner in New York, and Joaie Mansfield is in New York, leading a quiet life ou her own means. According to statistics the export of bntter from this country to Europe in the past year has fallen off one-half. The cause is attributed to the manufac ture here of oleomargarine, and the English don’t care about being fooled. Senator Hawley attended the Cjd teau trial a few days ago, and says : “ Guiteau is the shrewdest man in the Court-room, and cannot be called insane pi any sense of the word.” That opin ion seems to pretty generally prevail. Guiteau is possessed of a keen percep tion. When his sister, Mrs. Scoville, the other day, told a witness she desired to ask a question, she was interrupted by the prisoner with the remark ; “ You keep still. It’s all they can do to put up with me. ” How truly ho spoke. Here, is a paragraph for those young men who have never learned their alpha bet : Senator Joe Brown, of Georgia, was twenty years old before ho learned to read. At thirty-three he was elected to a judgeship, and at thirty-seven he be came Governor. He is now, at sixty eight, a United States Senator. The Director of the Mint has caused a calculation to be made of the cost of silver bullion which has been coined into dollars during the three years end ing June 30, 1881. He finds a profit of $9,752,210. For example, the peo ple paid $72,000,000 in gold for silver bullion which they coined into about $81,700,000 in silver. It is thought that Secretary Freling huysen will pursue the same course os that taken by Blaine on the subject of naturalization. This is that a foreigner taking the oath of allegiance and be coming a citizen of the United States occupies the same ground as the native born, and that he is released from all claims his original Government had jjpon,hiim , , . A Piute Princess married an Indian Agent named Hopkins recently, and is now coming East to lecture. She was educated at a Catholic seminary in Cali fornia. Speaking of the Indian Agents in general, she says: "We do not object to the Agent clasping the sack in the middle and retaining half of our allow ance, bu» when he empties all there is into his own store and throws us the empty sack, then we object.” “ Mashing,” as usually understood, is the act of captivating the heart of the opposite sex on sight. The “mashing” process, however, is not alwavs snrrr ss fnl, and the effort, when directed to a respectable person, is universally ac cepted as the grossest insult. In New York the police have instructions to collar and march to the station-house all “mashers” who, by their wanton ad vances, insult respectable ladies. ■— —— In the Cleveland High School, educa tional cramming has gone on to such an extent that 25 per cent, of the girls and 18 per cent of the boys have been com pelled to quit school on account of bad health. Os these invalids 95 per cent, were well when they entered, only 5 per cent, being classed as delicate. Since taking a rest thirty-eight continue unim proved, thirty-five have got well, twenty five are said to be in fair health, and two have died. The above statements arc made on authority of a member of the Board of Education, who seems to hove given the matter careful study. ♦ ■ We. quote from the Cincinnati Gazette (Rep.) of the 16th inst. : “Our Wash ington correspondent gives in a dispatch the particulars of a scheme of stupen dous grandeur, which is the true inward ness of our recent diplomacy with Peru and Chili. It is a scheme which makes the Credit Mobilier a two-penny matter by comparison. It is no Jess than that a ring of American adventurers, having high political connections, have set up, ai by purchase, a claim of $900,000,001? against Peru, and they propose to have our government “mediate,” and require Peru to transfer her guano and niter beds to thia company, who shall farm them, and pay, first, themselves, next the indemnity to Chili, and next the sur plus to Peru. Thus does the great South American Credit Mobilier stand revealed as the promoter of our Peruvian diplo macy. » ■ Mark Twain, at the banquet to him •t Montreal the other evening, said : “I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly—except when excited. I had hoped that mere French construction— with English words—would answer, but thia is not the case. I tried it at a gen tlemen's house in Quebec, but it would not work. The maid-servant asked : * What would Monsieur ?’ I said, ‘ Mon- BELLTON. BANKS COUNTY. GA.. DECEMBER 22, 1881. sieur So and So, is he with himself?’ She did not understand. I said : *ls it that he is still not returned of his bouse of merchandise!’ She did not under stand that either. I said : ‘He will desolate himself when he learns that his friend American was arrived and he not with himself to shake him at the hand.’ She did not even understand that; I don’t know why, but she didn’t, and she lost her temper besides. Somebody in the rear called out: • e»t done las or words to that effect She said : ‘Cezt un fou,' and shut the door ou me.” There seems to be considerable swin dling done in the oyster trade. The Meat Inspector of Pittsburg has been investigating the subject, and from his report the Pittsburg Pott publishes the following; “One gallon of oysters which cost ninety cents weighed three pounds aud seven ounces less than it should have weighed, and contained 39 39-100 per cent, of water. Another gallon, which also cost ninety cents, was three pounds and l ight ounces short in weight, and con tained 40 per cent, of water. Still another gallon, which coat sl, contained 14 44-100 per cent, of water. A gallon of oysters should weigh eight pounds and twelve ounces. The Inspector also submitted a statement showing that from August 25, 1880, to April 5, 1881, 60,- 000 gallons of oysters and been received and sold in the two cities. Street peddlers sold 9,- 500 gallons, to which they added 7,125 gallons of water or 75 per cent. Os the balauce re ceived retail dealers sold 5,800 gallons, to which they added 2,175 gallons of water or 37J-£ per cent. Wholesale dealers added 12X percent, of water. To the entire 60,000 gallons of oysters, 14,664 gallons of water or 24 44-1000 per cent, was added.” If this is the case among oyster deal ers at Pittaburg, the probability is that the'same practices are generally indulged elsewhere. PRIVATEERING. Operation* ■> tiring; the F. lattice nth On* tury on the High Keaa. [PrMer'B Magazine.) In former days the treasure-ships be ll urged to the enemy until they became outs by capture ; in the present age the t.»e* u-te mi < Ihewhiim tliwt carry iv'ara" English, and it, is difficult to picture the consternation in the city on hearing of the loss of some steamer bringing home ward a rich freight of diamonds from the Cape, or of gold from Australia. But as we hung steadfastly to the right of making prize of the Spanish plate ship, it is not to bo expected that any enemy which fate may now send us will waive his claim to the English steam ers, if only he has the power to assert it; and against that it behooves us to be or. our guard. It seems, however, prob able that, under the existing rules of the Declaration of Paris, but few large prizes will be made, such as founded many a fortune in the last or earlier cen turies, when international scruples did not exist, and naval opinion was abso lutely single as to the advisability and even necessity of making captures and sharing them out among the captors. This opinion, rooted in the “custom” of the sea. was as old as the English nation, and had descended from the days of Hengist and ILrsa, of Harry Page— the Arripay of the French chroniclers—of Drake, or Frobisher, or Lancaster, down to the time when Commodore Wager took the great galleon, or Anson gutted the Aloapulco ship. The stories of such times seem to the seamen of to-day, like fairy tales of childhood, too good to be true; but from a strictly naval point of view they have their dark side; and it is very cer tain that of the quarrels between senior officers which so often disgraced our service, a great number were due, di rectly or indir. ctly, to the natural but uncmvalroun desire of making money. The bitter feud between Rodney and Arbuthnot, on the coast of North Amer ica, in 1780, was one of these. The friendly relations between Lords St. Vincent and Nelson, which led to such glorious results, were interrupted by a lawsuit on their rival claims for prize money ; and the ill feeling which Nelson and Sir John Orde entertained for each other was at least strengthened by pe cuniary considerations. Lord Howe’s conduct on the “Ist of June” was angrily criticised by many, as though he might have rendered the victory still more decisive had he not been over anxious about the security of the prizes. Sir John Jervis was similarly spoken of alter tue buttle of St. Vincent; and after the battle of the Nile, the burning of several of the prizes, whose preservation would have taxed the efficiency of the fleet, appeared to Nelson a measure of very grave responsibility, aa defrauding the men under his command of the money to which they were justly en titled. The bitterness which frequently arose out of considerations of prize money was undoubtedly increased by the dis proportionate share of the senior officers. Os the prizes just referred to as burned at the Nile, Nelson estimated the share of the Commander-in-Chief ae £3,750, of a Captain as £1,000; but a Lieuten ant as £75, and of a seaman as £2 Is. Id. In the face of such figures, it is all very well to talk of prize-money as encouraging seamen to do their duty; but ite principal use was to offer great chances to the senior officers, and ite real evil woe the promoting jealousy and ill-will between the flag officers and even the Captains. This, however, naval officers would have been slow to ao knowledge. The Poor Sea Islanders. “ Here let me ask the sympathies of all people for the poor South Sea Islanders who are held as degraded slaves on the Sandwich Islands. The other serfs can in Home way be heard. The Chinese coolies Vre, perhaps, better off than they were in China ; anyway, they are able to take care of themselves, and they have more than once thrown defiance in the face of the Hawaiian Government. The Portu gese have a sort of Consul in Honolulu '■id also the Bishop of the Catholic uroh to whom t hey can appeal in some respects; the Mexicans, arid there are quite a number on the island now, have also a Consul. Ido not know how it is about the Norwegians and others, but being white men they can probably bo heard. But no hearing can alleviate their galling servitude. They may be simply counseled to obedience. It is different with the South Sea Islanders. They have no Consul, nobody to repre >eut them, aud as they are ignorant of soth the Hawaiian and English lan guages, they are virtually deaf and dumb, and are driven about by signs, precisely like beasts of burden. In their own islands they never labored be yond fishing and picking cocoanuts enough to sustain life. They were free and independent men, subject alone to the call of their chief. When arriving on the plantations they find that they must work from daylight till dark aud their food is not fit for hogs. They are a simple, child-like race, and not lieing inured to hardship they find their chains cutting into them. The mortality among them, both ou the slaves while they are coming to the islands and on the plantations, is frightful. They at times die off like sheep that have the rot. They are a sad sight as they ar rive, aud to see them with tin labels around their necks, and numbers thereon Io designate them, as they go along, de jected and aimless looking, is a sight that would move any heart (not hard ened) with pity. “I will narrate a touching incident connected with one of those poor crea tures. He was working on one of the other islands, got sick, and by some means came to Honolulu to go to the hospital. The steamer ou which he was ou board arrived in Honolulu on Sunday, but the authorities took no stops to see into the case of the unfortunate South Sea Islander, ns people there are very careful not to »]jtel'k th» Siihba'h. O': Monday morn mg somebody made it his business to inform the authorities that there was a hospital patient on board the steamer, and when the proper authorities weut ou board they found the poor South Sea Inlander dead. Ho was literally mur dered through carelessness, through in human aud brutal neglect. I was iu Honolulu at the time, and I only heard one man who denounced this merciless indifference, and that was Dr. McKib ben, juu., who did uot hesitate to name the brutality m its proper terms. But I can not give you a perfect picture of the degradation that exists on the planta tions, and of the utterly wretched condi tian of the serfs. The dead South Sea Islander is but one, no doubt, of many who die like dogs, and are put out of sight as soon as possible.— Honolulu Cor. San Erancisco Chronicle. Horses That Stumble. In the matter of stumbling, Capt Hayes (in his book “Riding on the Flat and Across the Country”) goes into ite theory, tlrawing distinctions that may be very serviceable. He explains that there are two kinds of stumbling. One is really dangerous, when the horse is either weak in the forelegs, or cramped in the action, or with the physical de fect of two straight shoulders. But when stumbling arises from the knee being insufficiently bent, or the toe un duly depressed, thereby catching upon any inequality in the ground, it may bo safely disregarded, unless the animal is intended for show rather than use. Wo may add, for ourselves, that we have ridden excellent horses with this fail ing ; that, frequently as they might trip or stumble, experience told us that they were absolutely sure-footed; but that what we chiefly object to was, that in cases when they were nervous, each trip led almost invariably to a success ion of others. That such stumbling comes of a slovenly manner of going there can be no doubt It happens comparatively seldom in exhilarating weather, or when the horse has been brought fresh out of the sta ble ; but when listless and languid, or when fatigue begins to tell, then you are quickly made aware of his condi tion by his blundering. Capt. Hayes’ chapter on flat-racing, and steeple chasing and training will be read with interest, even by amateurs. He backs up his own opinions and experienced on these subjects by communications from well-known trainers and jockeys. As to giving “orders” in a race, his ideas seem to us very sensible. With a young hand instruction may be necessary, but if the jockey be a fairly good one, the rid ing should be left to his discretion. It is impossible to foresee all possible circumstances, and decisions must lie taken on the spur of the moment. As for starting, he calls attention for “ get ting off ”as quickly as possible—a mat ter in which, though it is obviously of paramount importance,' some people would appear to be strangely indiffer ent. As he says, “whatever distance is lost at the start must be made up when the horses are galloping, at winch time the effort to regain the lost lengths may very possibly be equivalent to throwing away an advantage of as many pounds, j — London Saturday Review. There are 13,000,000 cows in the 1 United States. This is more than are , kept by any nation in Europe, Germany havine the nearest, 8.062,221. The Society Boy. There was a little company up on Day ton street, aud during the entertainment the hostess dragged her hopeful to the front to “speak a piece.” “Come, Johnny, like a good boy, and speak ‘ Mary’s little lamb ’ for the ladies and gentlemen." Johnny knew that there was remu neration in the background, and, the preliminaries having Deen arranged in an uudertone, slicked his hair and started in : “ Mary had n little flrec*. Its snow was whit** as wool, And every time that Mary lambed That fleece would go to school.” “Now, now, Johnny,” said his mother) “you know that isu’t right. Say it just as you did this afternoon and I'll—;” here she broke into a maternal whisper, and the inevitable nuisance turned up again: “ Mary had a little lamh, Whose white was snow Mt fleece, And everywhere that Mary went That lamb would go apiece.” “Johnny, Johnny, "chided the mother. “That isn’t quite right. Speak it right this time. The ladies and gentlemen never heard it. Now go on. ” Once more the common and inextin guishable fraud went at it: “ Mary had a little snow, Its fleece was lined with white, And everywhere the lamb would go Mary was sure to bite.” “What a naughty boy!” exclaimed the proud mother, who had been train ing the cub all the afternoon for this display, “ Now speak it right or mamma won’t kiss you when you go to bed.” Thus prepared, the insect perpetrated himself once more: ” Mary had a 11 1 tie wool, Its fleece was lined with snow. And everyone that Mary fleeced, The white was sure to show.” “I’m ashamed of you, Johnny, that you don’t speak it right. You must do it this lime or mamma will have to pun ish you." “ I won’t!” bawled the urchin. But his mother promised him some additional candies, or buns, or clams or something that bud the gnat, social ad vantage of lying heavily on his stomach, and the wretch began to bawl: “Mary had a little school, Itw snow was fleece as lamb, And everywhere that Mary went, You’d surely And that ram.” Then the guests very properly inter sered, and said it was a shame to tor ment the sweet child. He had done no bly, and should have his pay right off. And his toother packed him iff to bed while the company found solace in the reflection that he would probably burst his head before morning bawling with the stomachache aud writhing under the nightmare.— Brooklyn Eagle. Only One News-Stand. There is only one newspaper in Ven ice and one crier of papers in the streets, and this vendor makes a noise between a yelp and a bay—a sad but desperate noise, as if Ids epiglottis had been struck by lightning and he was about to expire iu mortal agony. I bought a Paris pa per from him—about all he carries—but it didn’t seem to do him any good. The saddest thing in Venice is the ab sence of newspapers. I have never yet seen one in the hands of anybody but a traveler. The red-faced Venetian site lazily under the half-drawn curtain that takes the place of door to his shop, waiting for customers, knowing nothing of the world without; the women, bare footed or in toe-slippers, shuffle and gos sip about; but no one has a newspaper or a book ; the somber gondolier quar rels for an extra contesimi from his pas senger, but he never beard of America or of England, and has never read a word even of bis own language. All are proud of Venice, even though she is but the dowerless bride of ti.e Adriatic; proud that she was once conquered by Napo leon ; proud of the church and square of St. Marks ; proud of the palace of the Doges, with its quaint Moorish-Gothic architecture ; proud, for aught I know, of the Bridge of Sighs, “a prison and a palace on each h ind,” which we trav ersed yesterday, and of the horrible ma chinery of persecution underneath, run ning down a hundred steps into the gloomy earth, where the early Venice developed all that was devilish in man. But Venice is a bankrupt city, only half fed, a pauper of grass gewgaws and fili gree, slowly returning, through gloomy grandeur, to the quagmire from which )lt sprung.— Venice (Italy) Correspond ence. * Vis Now. Now the chowder’s in the pot, and the days are getting hot, and all begin to swelter with a swelt, swelt, swelt While the crimson lemonade through a straw enchants the maid, who displays a bunch of flowers at her licit, lielt, belt. Now we wave the pictured fan, drink the cooling black-and-tan, and we watch the periwinkle by the surf, surf, surf. And the tourist happy feels, as he reads his “Puck on Wheels” while he rolls with laughter on the turf, turf, turf. Now our fancies, quaint aud queer, lightly turn to thoughts of beer, and the picnic’s everlasting custard pie, pie, pie. And we sit with pretty Nell, ’neath a gingham umberell, gaily boomeranged and shipwrecked by her sigh, sigh, sigh. Now the cat begins to scoot from the well-directed boot, and the poodle wears a kettle on his tail, tail, tail. Now the Vassar maidens mount every soda-water fount, and they drink vermii liou water tdl they’re pale, pale, pale. Now the ice-man with a smile slings his haughty summer style, and the plumber bows in solitude his head, head, head. Now the cuffs and collars melt, now the monte-man is felt, and the circus in the country does appear, ’pear, ’pear. No news is this, Dy Jo, they are facts all people know, for they’re written by the joker every year, year, year.— Puck. RATES OK ADVERTISING. SPACE. Imo ImoaSmo I *r. One i' eb, 7 2 S3i» S7W Hl 00 Tw iucliO', 373 730 gm >3OO Three i cheo, so >aoo 12 Su 2000 Fou inch'., 600 HO- ISO 2' 00 Fourth Column, 7.60 Vino WHO 30 00 Hull coin r.n. I 1100 20 00 '0 00 60 00 One eolnmn. I .1'« 3IHIO 60 no mo 00 iS#*Ail bi Uh Hue alter ii s in ertion. Transient .idvertisemeuta (strictly in ad vance) il per ineh for the first insertion; 50 cents per inch for eoeti additional insertion. Local reading notices 10 cents per line. Ann uneeinents $5 each. Marriage notices and obituaries exceeding six lines will be charged for as advertise ments. NO. 51. HUMORS OF THE DAY. The man who toes the mark—the old man who reaches out for Jtlne Ann’s fel ler at two o’clock a. in. Sweet Evelina from the suffocatirm embrace of her lover cried out: “ Givw me.libcrty or give me breath.”— Boston Commercial Bulletin. Old Deacon Dodson always boasted that he was “ pi epared for the worst,’’ and his neighbors thought he got it when he married, his second wife. They asked him if he was man at the wedding. “ No,” he said, “ I don’t know os 1 was the beat, but, be jabers, I was as good as any of ’em 1” Conjurors astonish an audience by taking rolls of ribbon from their mouths, but then it is a common thing to see a carpenter take hammer and nails out of his chest. “ I am very glad to have met you, sir,” said Brown, politely. “ Are you?” replied Fogg; ‘ 1 here’s a note you may be glad to meet, also.” Brown wasn’t so powerfully glad to meet it, but he had to. Student under examination in physics: “ What planets were know to the an cients ?” “ Well, sir, there were Venus and Jupiter, and ” —after a pause—“ I think the earth, but I’m not quite cer tain.” “Do I look anything like you, Mr. Jones?" inquired Cauliflower. “ I hope not," was the reply. “ Did a man take you for me?” “Yes.” “Where is he? I must lick him.” “Oh, he’s dead. I shot him on the spot.” “See there!” exclaimed a returned Irish soldier to a gaping crowd, as he ex hibited with sonic pride his tall hat with a bullet hole in it. “ Look at that hole, will you ? You see that if it had been a low-crowned hat I should have been killed outright.” “I say Gilpin,” said 'Squire McGill, “who wis that sandy-haired man you was talking with 'his morning?” “ Oh, that was Colonel Thunderpool, of Syracuse. He’s a big gun in politics.” “ Yes, I judged he was a big gun in something; he seemed to be such a smooth bore.”— Marathon (N. K) In dependent. Georgie, aged four years, was playing with his toys when his cousin Mary, of sweet eighteen, seized him and gave him a kiss, Georgie broke away, crying out “Sauce-box!” "Oh, fie,” said his mother, “Georgie mustn't say that.” Georgie —“That’s what Cousin Mary said her self to that Tillington man last night when ho kissed her.”— Boston Journal. A merchant once sent his collector io call ou a debtor for some money. When tbo collector returned the merchant in quired if he had the money. “ No,” re plied the youth; “ but he told me if I'd come in to-morrow he’d pay me. ” ‘ ‘ Did he say anything else?” asked the mer chant. “ W-a-a-1, yes,” said the collec tor, nonchalantly; “he said something about ‘in his mind’s eye,’ but he wasn’t speaking to me.” An old fellow, whose daughter had failed to secure a position as teacher, in consequence of not passing an examina tion, said: “ Thov asked her lota of things she didn’t know. Look at the history questions! They asked her about things that happened before she was bom! How was she going to know about them? Why, they asked her about old George Washington and other men she never knew ! That was a pretty sort of examination!” — Eeiv York Even ing Post. Two men disputed about their powers of endurance, and one said testily to the other : “ I bet you that I can hold my legs in boiling water longer than you can.” “Done,” said the other, and the steaming water was brought In went the legs, No. 1 with an air of defiance, No. 2 with an edifying serenity. No. 1 began to wince. No. 2 called cidmly for the newspaper. No. 1 began to find it intolerable, No. 2 smiled at the humor of the paper. ’‘ In heaven’s name!” at lost exclaimed No. 1, exasperated by the heat of the water and the coolness of his antagonist, "what is your leg made of?” “Wood,” sententiously replied the other. ____________ The Marriage Life. The marriage life is always an insipid, a vexatious, or a happy condition. The first is when two peopie of no genius or taste for themselves meet together upon such settlement as has been thought reasonable by parents and conveyancers, from an exact valuation of the land and cash of both parties. In this case ths young lady is no more regarded than the house and improvements in purchase of an estate ; but she goes with her fortune, rather than her fortune with her. These make up the crowd, and fill up the lumber of the human race, without beneficence toward those below them, or respect to those above them. The vexatious life arises fr m a conjunction of two people of quick taste and presentment, put to gether for reasons well known to their friends, iu which especial care is taken to avoid what they think the chief of evils, poverty, and insure to them riches, with every evil besides. These people ( love in a constant constraint before com pany. When they are within observa tion they fret at each other’s carriage ind behavior ; when alone they revile other's conduct. 4 The happy marriage is where two pet-~*■ sons meet and voluntarily make choice of ■ each other, without principally regard- I ing or neglecting the circumstances of A fortune or beauty. These may still live in spite of adversity or sickness; the W former we may, in some measure, defend W ourself from; the other is the portion of fl our very make.— Sir Richard Sleele. It takes a.cook to do things up brown. |fl True, but the organ-grinder does thingsM to a turn. ■