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THE ERA. Wm. A. BRECKENBILGE, Publisher. ‘•Onward unci Up ward.” SUBSCRIPTION: $1.50 Per Annum VOLUME!. — i .. i i « ■ i i JDALLAS, 1’AULDiNG COUNTY. OA„ THURSDAY, JUNE 21. 1883. * NljMBEK 29. — ■ M 0 1 III in l BETTER DAYS. r Bettor to smell tlio violet cool, than sip tlio I glowing wiuo; I Hotter to liark a hidden brook, than watch a diamond shine. Better the love of a*gentle heart, than beauty's favors proud; Better the rose’s living seed, than roses in a crowd. Better to Uvt in loneliness, than to bask in love nil day; Better tlio Totintain in the heart, than the •fountain by the way. ( Better be fed by mother's hand, than cat alone i at will; Better to trnst in good than say: “My goods my storehouse fill ” Better to teach a child, than toil to fill perfec tion’s round. % Better to sit at a master’s feet, than thrill h listen tug state; Better ir, suspect that thou art proud, than be sure that thou art great. Bettet to walk the real unBcen, than watch the hour’s event:. Better the “Well done !’’ at the last, than the air with shouting rout. Better to have a quiet grief, than a hurrying delight; Better the twilight of the (lawn, than the noon day burning bright. Better a death when work is done, than tartli’t most favored birth; Better a child in God’s great house, than the king of all the eurtli, Geouqe MacDonald. THE WAY HE PROPOSED. Major Uliuton was ono of tlio most courngoons fellows in tlio world, ncuorcl ing to tlio tuen who know him; 1ml whon the lndiu3 of liis acquaintance heard this opinion, they laughed it to scorn, for they considered him tlio mosl timid creature they had ever noon, ll. was very fond of ladies’ society, the.i said, or ho would not spend all his even ings nt parties or making culls; yet nol ono lady, old or young, single or mar ried, lmd over known him to express his regard in any way that was not extreme ly decorous and formal. Flirt? They would as soou think of a tombstone or n telegraph polo attempting to flirt, Mosl of tlio Major’s mnlo acquaintances car ried scars on their hearts, as results either of attacks more honorable than judicious, or of sudden surprises by fair skirmishers; but no ono could imagine the Major to have suffered any such mis hap, tor no not only made no reeomiois- saiieo, but ho always retired prooipitateh witliin himself at the first flash of a pair of eyes leveled directly nt him. Tlio truth was tlint the brave Ms jin was not only uh modest as a model maiden, but fro wns painfully bnslilnl besido. The ono desire of his life was l<. marry, which lie was financially able in do, but tlio important preliminary step of proposing wns one lie had never dar d to take. Until lie reached adult years ho had met scarcely any women but his t wo orphaued sisters, to whom lio hail tried to be a father, and upon whose rare purity and sweetness ho, lmd based his ideas of \tromauliood. Both married and went far from their old home, so they could not help liim to gain a wife try disabusing liim of his impression that nil women wore too good for him. To Glinton nearly every woman appeared a saint. Ho worshiped one after another, although only one at a time, and his tastes were so correct that lie was obligi d to change his divinity about onco in in throe months, to avoid worshiping another man’s wife. Wheuevt r an old scar lienled anil a delicious throbbing of tile heart told of a new dart that had found its way to his heart, ho vowed solemnly to propose at onee, and vary the dreadful monotony of having another man stop in before liim. And oncli time lie delayed, just for a day, or a week, or because lie feared too much, or hoped too wildly, and every tirao lie waited a little too long—every time but one. For wlnn the Major met Alice Waller- son lie felt that, to lose lier, too, would be mire than his life could endure. She v as pretty, us all women seemed to the Major. She was good and she was sweet, the Major was sure, else why were nil otiier women unusually fond of her? Best of all, alio seemed the most modest and bashful maiden in his whole circle of acquaintance, and through these qual ities would beublo to oiler him sympathy with feelings that all other people regarded with provoking smiles. But how should he proposo ? Being a woman, her bashful nature must be far more sensitive than his own, so, even if he were to nerve himself to the ordeal, how could he be enough of a brute to inflict greater trepidation upon her, if he loved her ? Even were she- favorably disposed toward him, he was sure that listening to a proposal would put her heart in a tenable tumult; how much more dreadful would it be, then, for her to listen to him should she not be favor ably disposed. He knew tliat she always looked at him pleasantly; he felt that she had even been erateful to him one even ing, when both, at a party and both through timidity, retired to the same half-hidden corner of a drawing-room, each innocent of the approach of the other, and each anxious, on meeting, to show that the affair was a mere accident. This was the only basis of Glinton's hope, and yet—he’had been disappoint ed so many times that he could not bear to think of failure now. He made several calls, with the inten tion of proposing, but every time in's courage failed him, besides Mrs. Waller- son or Alice’s sister Nell, were always in the parlor; of course he could not say before two what he dreaded to say even with a single hearer. Worse still, Miss ' "Thank yoU—thank you,” said tin Nell, who was a brilliant lira noth' of tlio Major again. "I would like first to ex- irrc|HVB8il>lo species, could not avoid l'hun myself, if I may troublo you for a teasing him slyly nt every possible op- moment. 1 niu, l believe, an honorable portunity, and lio always lost his tongue ’ man; I hnVo a good bttniness and a good under her onslaughts, I limilt llOcount. 1 want to devote both, _, I and my life, besido, to the service of the inou ho tried to propose In writing, 1 sweetest woman that ever liked, I etui- anil for a week of ovonings lie wrote 1 not eXpeOt her to love mo as f love her, steadily with no more sal isfuctory result for she is an angel and I am only—well, than a note to Mrs, Wolleinon, In which only a man.” ho intended to inclose his proposal. I “A trtie niitn," said Miss Kell, still as Ohanoo finally came in pity to liiB aid. demure Os a parson, "is as good as any- Miss Nell, as on > of a trio of girls who I thing else in tlio world—even as good as had devised a surprise party lor a reoeu t- a true woman. ” ly married friend, Wrote to the Major j “Ho you roallv think so?" asked the ubout (lie project and begged that he i Major, “I must believe yoll against my would call and give her some assistance j wi [ ’ hut entirely aeeor,ling to my inch- —•-**.-»*»-<•I psjr&tfrsfsvx her betterj alio is pure, good, sweet, liolile, tender"— “Major! Major I" exclaimed Miss Nell ...... “l’ii'itso don’t contradict mo on this while talking with ladies on any subject particular point," said the Major; “J requiring common sense, opinion and roallv think I know—1 am sure I do." exeoiilivo ability; lie should therefore be j “Then," said Miss Noll, "it would be able to feel at ease with Misa Nell, and | very impolite in me to contradict, but while iu that unusual condition lie would really”—- nmko a confidant of her and ash her ad- I "Really," said the Major, "I am tioa and assistance. He would try to i weighing my Words most careiullv .and talk to her as if she Worn a man; ii might Mean «N'?♦&*}•. 1 wan* to offer # tfall V , , , . | am and have, under any conditions she l>c a rash experiment, but lie felt equal I , mly i m p oso . Don't imagine mo impul- to almost any degree of rashness when s ivo „r rash in this matter," continued lie thought of how ninny times before ho the Major, extending both lus hands in had resolved and failed. | his earnestness. "I mean”— So the Major went to the Wnllerson ' Wliat the Major meant was never home on tlio evening appointed by mis- explained, for Alias Nell, entirely Jn oliievons Miss Noll, with a stouter heart accordance with lier own idea of wliat than ho had felt, outside of business tlio excited man wnH trying to say, mur- honrs, since the War ended He arranged mured, “Enough I” fell upon the Major’s with the yottng laity to bring nil Ilia male breast mid threw lier arms around tlio fri lida into the stuprise party, nnd bIio, , Major's neck. 1 alher,confused by her new view of (lie j what could tlio astonished man do? Majors character, was most effusive m ' Wliat would any gentleman do in such thanks,_ and being .only twenty-three | circumstances? Miss Alico tripped into among gentlemen. As tlio Major fend her note a brilliant thought occurred to him. While talking business Miss Nell certainly would not endeavor to tease him; his bashfulness never troubled liim years of ago and no older tlinn her years signified, was completely astounded by the Major’s coolness. She could licit help betraying her curiosity; she looked nt the Major Inquiringly, alio dropped into reveries, and she said to her mother, who oarnc to the door of the parlor a mo ment about some affairstietly of a family nature, that Mr. Glinton was eidirely different to wliat slie lmd imagined him to be; But tlio Major did not know nil this, and after the bu.jness of the evening ended lie began to feed the oil familiar cold sweat that bad been bis torment in the swamps of tlio Chiciiliomincy, fif teen years before. Oonvernation had dropped to the dead level of llm National Academy, the last new novel, and Brown’s last volume of poems, all of which were very had. Miss Nell looki d interested, pretty and sentimental until the Major half wished she would be her natural Keif, for lie had at last roused himself to the combativo stato, and lio the parlor, found it dark, turned up tlio gas, saw the couple and exclaimed: “Oil, my 1" Her Bister looked up into the Major’s face for a second, tlion dropped hor brow on his shoulder, and said: “Oil, my I” And tlio Major, looking down nt the face before liim, now entirely empty of roguiBhncss and everything else but ten derness, forgot all tlm past, placed his arms about tlio graceful figure that l'esl- ed on him, and said: “Oh, my 1” And although ho 1ms been married ten years lie never 1ms lmd reason to regret his mistake.—New York Ilnur. A CAIRO OSTRICH FARM. In company with a crowd of dukes nnd right lionorables, who lmvo lately I been visiting tlio scones of Lord Wol- wanted to tnlk with her in the most B el(vy’s "latest nnd most glorious nchievo- seriwus manner about her sister. At last he made a desperate effort and said: “Miss Wnllerson, 1 called this evening only on business, but I lmvo for a long time wanted to say something to you about a matter”— “Exenso me, just for an instant. Ma jor," interrupted Miss Nell, “tlio gas is hissing dreadfully. Won’t you bo good enough to see which burner it is; I’m just too short to reach any of them, I'm sorry to say.” The Major liostencd to the rescue. He heard a hissing noise, as of the escape of too much gas, lie could not be sure which of tlio six burners was at fault, so be turned down ono after another until the noise stopped nnd the parlor was almost dark. “You are very kind,” murmured Miss Nell, a tabu Major resumed bis seat near lier, "the blowing of gas is dreadfully annoying to the ear. By the way, you were Having that”— The Major resisted a temptation to say, “Oil, nothing of ally consequence, ” and said: “I have been long the most reverent adorer of a certain young lady who”— "Oil, Major I” exclaimed Miss Nell; “the idea of you being in love. Did you"— “Excuse me, Miss Wallerson,” said tlio Major hastily, “but no ono is compe tent to pass an opinion o:i my condition of mind but myself. I fully know my own feelings, and merely wish an oppor tunity to explain them in such manner as may be most respectful.” “I beg your pardon, Major,” said Miss Nell, now entirely on her guard. “Please continue, and believe no one hero can doubt your sincerity.” The Major’s heart gave a mighty bound; evidently this mischievous girl mcnls,” a New York Herald correspond ent says: I went to see tlio Cairo ostrich farm. Everything in Egypt lues an areliiDological setting. Tlio villago of Tel-ol-Iiebir—the Big Mound—is noth- ing less than the relies of the city called Pi-tom in the Old Testament that was built by the Jews with bricks without draw. The Cairo ostrich farm is situated vitliin a pistol shot of tlio famous Vir gin’s tree, which is still standing, nnd under tlio simile of which tradition tells us (lint the Virgin with the infant Jesus and Joseph reposed when they fled into Egypt from tlio wrath of Herod. Quito in nr tlio Virgin's treo mid hidden among Illicit foliaged slmilis, is a French restaurant, that has become the favorito resort of princes and of golden youth, of comedians and ladies of tlio corps do ballet, and of the tourists who visit Cairo. There nro few indeed who do not make an excursion to tlio snored treo and refresh tlieir inner man nt the con vivial hostelry, Tlio ostrich farm extends from tlio Virgin’s tree to the desert, and com prises several acres of land surrounded by high mud walls. The greater part of tlio farm is desert, not because it is in capable of cultivation, but because tlio loose, pebbly sanil is essential to tlio well-being of the ostrich. There are at present on the farm 120 birds of more than a year’s growth, anil of these fifteen are female and twelve are male adults— that is to say, they are more than three years old, (he ago at which they com mence to lay. Twelve of the adults aro now laying i mid three are engaged in hatching—one being upon twenty-two, one upon four teen, and one upon eleven eggs. Strange to say, the mule bird attends , _ „ ,, more to the hatching part of the bnsi- suspected something and was willing to I ness than (lie female, especially in cold suppress herself. “I have long been worshiping a lady whom I would liavo been glad to make my wife,” continued the Major, “if I lmd not feared that my love and wliat else I had to offer her would not or rainy weather, nnd in fact often under takes tile whole of that tedious duly himself, being only relieved by his better half at meal hours. Mr. Wetter, tlio ostrich director, lias been very fortunate in liis efforts to compensation for what she would bo • “l 0 °?fr»ch in Egypt. Out obliged to give up.” “Your thoughtfulness does you honor, Major,” said Miss Nell, iu the kindest way in the world. “Thank you—thank you,” said the Major, hastily. “Perhaps, then, you will understand why I speak with more I hau my customary freedom. Miss Will- j lerson, I was trained in my youthful | days to such unquestioning reverence j for woman as woman that I feel almost j like n thief when I think of asking any | of 108 birds hatched last season eighty yearlings aro now alive and healthy—a very successful result when it is borne in mind that during the lato Arabi un pleasantness the ostriches were much neglected. After visiting the breeding enclosures and those where the yearlings were parked we were conducted to the incubating house and to a wire cage where this season’s birds were scamper ing about full of health nnd vigor. By applying one of tlio eggs to a hole cut iu piece of blackened cardboard and jilae- woman for her band and heart.” i > n g it against the sun the ostrich farmer j “Again, Major, I must say that your allowed us a young bird which had been ] thoughtfulness and delicacy do you incubated by artificial means and had | honor,” said Miss Nell, as demurely as j reached maturity, actually pecking at if she bad never teased any ono in her ' the interior of the shell and struggling to life, ' \ break out of prison, I TlVO Stilt IN Ill'S. ' A Itoinnnre ol Ilia l,nia lloTornor Nlrphans’s l.lfoi .In ono of the early years of tlio forties Mr, Stephens, thou a young man, paid a visit to tlio llomo of Mr. Warden, in Warren County. Thoro liu met a flux- qu-haired, blue-eyed girl of sixteen, Ueauliful in face and lovely in (fharaoterj ifiquant, witty and gifted with a mind barely cultivated. An attachment grew ] ftp, which for yenrs did not pass the, formal bounds of friendship, but which 1 was sacredly cherished by noth. . The ! lioy lovef Was poor in this world's goods 1 •4-lragile in framn and hnrassed by sink* floss, ho did not daro to aspire to the Wind of ono whom ho had learned to lljve, nnd vet iorbora to claim, With ifoimiiily devotion the girl road tlio ae-' mvt in t lio yoilng man’s eyes, ami true | to hor heart, slio could only wait and love, Ono evening in 1819 a party was given at the rcsldonco of Mr. Little, in' Oriiwfordsvillo, There tlio two met onco ' more—there tlioy enjoyed that sweet, qnmmunion born of perfect trust—and thoro Mr. Stephens found courage to j speak the words which for year; had fought for expression, until at lust lie! otmi(l no longer contain thorn. j ■ “'Amyou'sure tlint tfccro lives none ] other whom you prefer 11 me?” asked the maiden timidly, lmlfshriiikingly, yet only too happy to feel that sho wus fa vored in liiB eyes. I “ In the wliolo universe there exists not another,” Baid he passionately. Thus their troth was plighted; the day was set for their marriage, mid all i seemed auspicious for I he lovers, But clouds lowered o'er their hopes; matters af a private nature which it is not within 1 tlio domain of the public to know inter vened and deferred tlio fruition of their Hopes. Tlio one becMhO immersed iu polities, nnd, racked with physical ills, hesitated to outer a Hlnto where ho feared tbo happiness of tlio other might be marred. The lady found lier duty by the side of an invalid mother, who long lingered with a confining disease. Thus the years flew by, but the plighted troth Was kept. Air. Blenheim never addressed another, ninl over kept the imago of tlio fair young girl in lus heart. The Indy wiih the recipient of admiration from many, but to all sho turned a deaf ear. They lmvo often met since, and while tlm idea of marriage wns abandoned, they felt a sweet pleasure in each other's society. But a few weeks ago the Indy wns ut tlio mansion, and on taking leave of her old frioiul, ono of iiio chairs tipped up, an unfavorable sign, os tlio Governor remarked at tlio time. The Indy lias for years been a resident of At lanta,'nnd no one is held in morn esteem for every quality wliinli nilorns woman hood than Miss Caroline Wilkinson,— Louisville Journal. Making liim Useful. A learned physician onco declared that tlio manifestations of iliseuso were t o varied that he should not bu surprised at any symptom, however peculiar. If that learned man ia still alive, lie ought to start at onee for Charlotte, N. 0., to assist in (lie diagnosis of a malady which for over a month 1ms afflicted a boy named A. M. Wilhelm, aged eighteen, If an ordinary buth-tub is filled with ice-cold water anil that wretched youth’s feet" aro placed in it, the water grows hot so rapidly that within nix minutes it is nt tlio boiling point. Willielip suffers intense pain, and bis tubs lmvo to bo continually changed; which is no light task, considering that liis feet raise the temperature of tlio water at the rate of 80 degrees a minute. And yet, in tlio Divine economy, even such a sad fato as Wilhelm's 1ms its oompoiisatious. It is manifest that he would bu invaluable is a Kush inn hath establishment, for if lio can make tv tub of ico water boil in six minutes, lie could convert the con tents of a reservoir into steam witliin an hour. Or ho might be employed to sit upon the fender of a locomotive with bis feet ill tlio tank, at small expense lo Hie company anil most agreeably to himself. Moreover, lio would find poetic justice in the latter occupation, for his malady is supposed to be duo lo a violent shak ing administered to him by a steam en gine, into which a full head of sh am was accidentally tiumcd while lie wus cleaning it. Statistics iff Metropolitan Life. Over one-half of tlio 1,000,000 people living in New York lmvo their homes in tenement houses. If to this number are added those who live in flats—which uro tenement houses of a comfortable sort— ai <1 in the stylish iij ai'tpient buildings, and those who reside in tlio hotels, and if a third reduction is mudo for those who share a house with ono or two fami lies, the number of families who have an entire house to themselves will bo found to bo very small indeed—not one in ten. Some of the statistics of Metropolitan life are very curious. For instanco, wo # jury 87,000,000 for our amusements, and* it is supposed that our 10,000 whisky and beer saloons gather in three times as much money at the least, while the item of education costs ns 81,000,000. Tlio average of wages paid in our manufac tories is * 124 <i year—or $1.37} n day— and if it were not above tlio average paid elBcwliore it would bo impossible to pay our high rents. There is a wide field ! for missionary operations here, for out ] of 270,490 children between the ages of i live and eighteen only 115,826 attended Sunday school last year. Indeed, not-! withstanding the efforts of public and private churches and tlio work of chari table societies (and the amount paid out I in charity foots up over 81,000,000), a ragged and reckless army of 10,000 cliil- j ■dron ran about the streets without care or instruction, * Oran(ib county hulk. link II Wns Fir.I Unit In III. New York illmlo-f. In n recent conversation with a re porter, Thomas ,T, Taylor, an old milk- producer, of Florida, N, Y., gave a short history of the growth nnd motliod of tlm lnilk truffle iu Oriuigo County, lie said: I “ The first milk shipped from Onego I County to Now York was in April, 1812, | and was produced on the farm then owned by Philo Gregory, William L. Liuigridgc worked Mr, Gregory's farm, and aold to Air, Gregory the milk at two emits a quart, delivered on tlio cars at Chester, It went to New York by tlm passenger train in tlio morning, to J’ier- mout, and tlmnco by boat, l'lm first shipments were made in olinrns, which with tlieir contents were weighed, and twelily cents a hundred wns charged for froight an 1 two shillings six pence for cartage from the boat to tlm milk depot nt No. 80 Thompson street, Now York. Mr. Gregory employed a man to sell liis milk, inlying him 810’ a month and board, and sold his milk nt four conls per quart. Mr, Lnngridgo in ono year and a half mudo an assignment, wliilo Atr. Gregory, at two cents a quart, paid hi: freight; 'Y.trti.£>,- That (which was 850 per year for a basement room) and help, and established a business which him since grown to enormous propor tions. It was soon found I lint two omits j a quart was a losing business, and for i many years it was sold by t lio farmers at I two cents a quart for four mouths, three 1 emits a quart four montliH and fonr.emitH a quart, four months. These were tlm established priccH until 1801, during which time butter sold iu tlio early spring and fall of tlm year from one shilling and sixpence to two shillings a J pound, and dairies fo" season nt 111 to 20 | cents. When tlm war broke out prices ran wild, farmers receiving as high uh four omits in summer, six omits in spring and fall, and eight cents iu win ter. Butter was worth from 60 cents to 75 cents nt the farmer’s door. After the war, and up to 1871, farmers sold their milk to tlm donlers at the market, price ; the dealers made the price nt ils honest value, and the farmers were satisfied. In November, 1871, milk bail 1 sell ing during the whole month at six cents ami freight on tlio platform at Jersey City. N. D. Woodhull called n meet ing of the milk-dealers together in Hes ter street, Nmv York, on the 30th of Noveinbor, and proposed tlm pljin of making tlio prieo five cents, saying (lint no one farmer could or would contest t lm price. Ho carried bia point, and ever sinoo tlm price has been made by flic same combination, led by Mr. Woodhull until ho died.” An Essny oil Roller Skates. The roller skate, says Bill Nyo, is a wayward little quadruped. It is as frolicsome and more innocent looking than a lamb, but for interfering with mm’s upright attitude in the community it iH perhaps the IichI machine I hut has appeared in Hall Lake City. Ono’a first feeling on sliuuliiig up on a pair of roller skates is an unoonlrolliiblo tendency to come from together. One foot may start out toward Idaho wliilo tlio other as promptly strikes out for Arizona. The legs do not stand by each other as legs related by blood should do, but each shows a disposition to sot up in business alono, and leavo you to take care of yourself as best you may. Tlio awkwardness of this arrangement is ap parent. While they are Hotting up in dependently, there is nothing for you to do but to sit down and await future developments. And you have to Hit down, too, without having made any previous preparation for it, and without having devoted as much thought to it as you might, lmvo done lmd you boon eon- suited iu the matter. Olio of tlio moat, noticeable things as a slraling rink is the strong attraction botwemr tlio liunmn body and tbo floor of the rink. If tlm human body lmd boon coining through space for days and daya, at llm rate of a million miles a second, without stopping at oaling stations, and not excepting Sundays, when it strikes tlm floor, we could un derstand wliy it struck the floor with so much violence. As it is, however, tlio thing is inexplicable. There are different kinds of falls in vogue at the rink. There aro tlm rear fulls, and front falls, the Cardinal Wolsey fall, tlm fall ono across the other, three iu a jiile, and so on. Thoro aro some of the falls that I would like to be excused from describing. Tlio rear fall is tbo favorite. It is more frequently utilized than any other. There are two positions in skating, tlio perpendicular and the horizontal. Advanced skaters prefer the porpoudiciilur, while others affect the horizontal. Skates aro no respecters of persons. They will lay out a minister of the Gospel or the Alayor of the city us readily as they will a short-coated, one- suspender boy, or a giddy girl. When ono of a man’s feet starts for Nevada and the other for Colorado, tlmt does not separate him from the floor or break up bis fun. Other portions of liis body will take the place liis feet lmvo just vacated, witli a promptness that is surprising. And lie will find that the fun has just begun—for the people look ing Oil. The equipments for tlio rink are n pair of skates, u cushion, and a bottle of liniment. All in a Line.—In the town of Came ron, Steuben County, there reside ten fanners whose farms join each other. They have ten babies and there is only three weeks’ difference in their ages. • / wn IU MHMft Tubus is one thitlg about Mn’ iutys n Philadelphia paper, ‘to I The Huron never triid kl Iha prophet. , , An AiiKANSAsed'tor (toys (fiat'the stfrijff eat. man in liM them talks through liW nose to Mtvo the wear sad tost on hi* false teeth. . . Tun heading “ Another Mi Jo Robbery on tlm South Side,” leads,tlio Oil City lUkznrd to remark that lMwt robbefriefl aro safe nowadays. J . - Tint question is asked us it there in anything tlmt will liringyotitli to women ? Yes. indeed. An income-of shy #26,000* will bring any number of them. y An Alabama judge tins decided tlmt a man who puts his satchel on a seafiin tb« ears reserves that seat—unless tlio malt who moves it is bigger than 1m is. ConiiEnroNimNTU of u ilnilv paper arts discussing tlm question, “C'au a mall marry on 810 a week,” He cannot if tna girl is uwuro of the amount of his in* come, A s.vnnpNlo olllcer: “ Don’t pull ma around so," said the thief to tlm polfeo- rnan, " i have n felou' upon my finger 1% "And I have my finger upoun felon,’’ f remarked tlio policeman^ A Nmv TTavun lady having noticed a gentleman acquaintance standing in is fixed position in a book mid paper storo recently, entered tlm store and asked him if lie was stationery. TuLitmtAFH wires are so rinmerons on some of tlm stroets of Now York that people living on a fourth floor flat can sift tlieir ashes by merely throwing them against tlm not work. Wi! have just received a sample copy . of a new song, entitled, "l’ut your armn around me, dear.” Any lady who desires to try it can do so by calling at uuroilloo —wo mean tlm song, of course. A good deal of comment 1ms befflt caused because a Georgia man broke his back with a sneeze ; but how much more wonderful it would llilYo been had ho broken liis knees with iiis book I “ War do you carry your poekotlwok in your bund?” asked a Philadelphia husband of bis young wife. “Oh,” was llie quiet reply, “ it is so light that loin - afraid it might jump oat of my pocket,” Tins recent Congress passed a law to prevent tlio importation .of adulterated tens. They shrtuld lmvo put on a "rider” to prevent tlm giving uwiiy of an unndul- toruted ehvomo with a pound ol tea.— Nnrrlufnwn Herald. H r. Louis girls who go to the cooking schools won’t permit tiioir mimes to be known, They are afraid that wlum tlieir lovers find it out they will want to marry right dll', and then they can't have any mors fuu.—/‘hiladi lphia News. Peoi’lb who live remote from tlio sea- shoro can make a good artificial clam by rolling a piece of soap in sand ami ashes and eating it when i! ih about lmlf cool. This iu rather bettor than tlio real clnm, lint it will give Mm inlanders an approxi mate idea of thu luxury,—Providence Press, Fifthen genuine Sioux Indians who are seeing Gotham amiiso the puoplo at a hotel by eating with their hands aud dressing outhindishly. As tliuy wear silk huts they think they nro civilized. This is a very common mistake among other people besides Indians.—I.uwcll Citizen. “ Ir your boarding hmiso should tnko tiro at night what would you do to got the people out?” asked the fire marshal' of mi experienced matron. “ Oh, there would bo no troublo ubout thut,” wus the reply ; “ I would just ring tlm break fast bell, and all tlio boarders would bo in tlm dining room ill throe minutes.” "Who aiib those two men?” asked Deacon Gilpin of ’Squire McGill tlm other evening. “Oh, those are thu men who coma to work in Joralum’s place. Hu 1ms moved to Binghnnipton.” "To work in Joralum’s place; why he was tlio laziest man in Marathon I” “Iknow it, and that’s the reason there's two i f them. It lakes both of them to bo iih lazy os ho was.”—Marathon Independ ent. ■' A New Mettled of “Treating. w A party of three or four gentlenieu who were in a hotel a few days bofor > election wero invited to “tako some thing" by one of their number, says the Middletown Press. After they bad taken it, and hwl chatted a few minutes, another of tile party solemnly suggested that it would bo well to “take some thing.” They accepted the invitation, and took something again. They then started out and in a fow minutes, ns they were passing a dry goods store, another of tlie party stopped them, and said: “Let’s go in and ‘take something,’” “Why, that’s a dry goods store/’ said one of tlio party, “Well, what of it? Come in.” In they marched, nnd ranging them selves before the counter, the gentleman who hull invited them propounded the question: “Wliat will yon tukG ?” Olio of the party took a box of collars, another took a clean shirt. Whon fhe bill hud been settled and they hod walked out, they looked at each other sheepishly, nnd began to see for tlio first time the foolishness of the “treat ing” business. If men mnst treat, why not do it in a dry goods store ? Baked Beans.—“Let your beans sim mer ill warm water slowly, with molasses aud mustard ; then put iu tbo pork and bake a long time. A small green onion adds a delicious flavor.” This is tbo latest recipe for Boston “baked beans,”