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WEDDING ANECDOTES.
From Appleton’s Journal. * •
A contributor sends us a collection
of anecdotes of weddings, an install
ment of which we give below, promis
ing more to follow:
When the collector of rare and cu
rious specimens of insects, and flowers,
and minerals, finds new objects of in
terest, he sticks a pin in them, or puts
them in alcohol, or labels them, and
then sits down to count his collections,
and see what he has actually gathered.
In the same way we may stick pills m
the various experiences of life, and
thus collect a museum of rare speci-
specimens. The present collection of
wedding-anecdotes are specimens of
eccentricities at this trying hour that
have come across the writer’s path.
We see plenty of curious epitaphs in
■cemeteries; let us look at some wed-
sling-scenes as strange as any of these.
A young clergyman, at the first
wedding he ever had, thought it was a
very good time to impress upon the
couple before him the solemnity of the
act.
“I hope, Dennis,” he said to the
coachman, with his licen. 1 • in his hand,
“ you have well considered this solemn
step in life.”
“I hope so, your riverence,” an
swered Dennis.
“It’s a very important step you’re
taking, Mary,” said the minister.
“Yes, sir, I know it is,” replied
Mary, whimpering. “Perhaps we
had better wait awhile.”
“ Perhaps we had, your riverence,”
chimed in Dennis.
The minister, hardly expecting such
a personal application of his exhorta
tion, and seeing the five-dollar note
vanishing before his eyes, betook him
self to a more cheerful aspect of the
situation, and said:
“Yes, of course it’s solemn and im
portant, you know, but it’s a very
happy time, after all, when people
love each other. Shall we go on with
the service ? ”
“ Yes, your riverence,” they both re
plied, and they were soon made one in
the bends of matrimony, and that
oung minister is now very careful
ow he brings on the solemn view of
marriage to timid couples.
A party came to a clergyman’s house
one evening to be married. Every
thing went on harmoniously until, the
woman came to the word “obey” in
the service. Here a balky scene en
sued. ' , ' * V .^ 7
“Never—never!” she said. ‘“I
•did not know that word was in the
service, and I will never say it!
“Oh, dear,” remonstrated her part
ner, “ do not make trouble now. Just
say it—say it, even if you don’t mean
it. Say it for my sake—for your own
dear John’s sake!”
“ Never—never! ” insisted the high-
spirited dame. “ I will not say what I
do not mean, and I do not mean to
obey. You must go on, sir,” she
added, to the clergyman, “without
that word.”
“That is impassible, madam, re
plied the minister. “ I cannot marry
you unless you promise ‘to love, cher
ish, and obey ’ your husband.”
“ Won’t you leave us for a little
while together ? ” interceded the young
man. “I think I can manage her
after awhile.”
So the minister went back into his
study, and wrote on his sermon for an
hour and a half, and finally, at a quar
ter before ten o’clock, there
“ . . . came a tapping—
As of some one gently rapping.”
and the mild-mannered Benedict in
formed the parson that at last, after a
long wrestling of spirit, his “dear
Jane ” had consented to say “ obey.”
But how that compromise was brought
about, no one ever knew.
I have often heard this same clergy
man relate how, after a wedding-cere-
monv on one occasion, which occurred
in his own parlor, the husband whis
pered to his bran-new bride, as they
approached the Mary, have you
got any small change ? ”
The old Swedes’ church in Philadel
phia was theYamous marrying-ground
for nearly two hundred years to all the
neighborhood and the churches in that
vicinity. The record-book of that
venerable parish is teeming with mar
riages. There has to be an “exten
sion” made to that department in
every new register. Notes and mem
oranda adorn the pages of the “wed
ding-columns ” exDlanatory of the dif
ferent couples. One clergyman kept
a list of foreign .sailors (with a wile
very probablyifcyery large port) and
runaway country-girls whom he had
refused to unite in matrimony because
of his suspicions, or because of the
lateness of the hour, or of the absence
of witnesses. Colored weddings have
always a richly humorous side. The
colored race is-a susceptible, imitative
one, and when they are fine, as at wed
dings, they are generally superfine.
A clergyman was called on upon one
occasion to officiate at a colored wed
ding. i
“We assure, sah,” said the gentle
manly darkey, “this yere wedding,
sah, is to be very ‘appropos’—quite a
la mode, sah.”
“Very well,” replied the clergyman,
“Iwill try to do everything in my
power to gratify the wishes of the
parties.”
So, after dinner and dancing and
supping was over, the groom’s “best
man” called again on the minister,
and left him a ten-dollar fee.
“ I hope everything was as your
friends desired it ? ” said the urbane
clergyman.
“Well, sah; to tell the truth, Mr.
Johnson was a little disappointed,”
answered the groomsman.
“ Why, I took my robes,” said the
minister.
“ Yes, sah—it wasn’t that,”
“I adhered to the rubrics of the
church.”
“Yes, sah, that was all right.”
“I was punctual, and shook hands
with the couple. What more could I
do?”
“ AVell, sah, Mr. Johnson he kind o’
felt hurt, you see, because you didn’t
salute the bride! ”
English Social Cowardice.
A London correspondent of the New
York Herald writes: I suppose all my
English friends will feel outraged by
it, but truth compels me to say that,
in some respects, the English people
are the greatest cowards in the world.
Physical danger and suffering they will
encounter readily enough, but ridicule
and public disapprobation have terror
for them which they dare not face.
One of the most charming Englishmen
I ever met was narrating to me only
the other day how a young American,
a common friend of both of ns, used to
wear, when he first came to London, a
Scotch cap in the street, and how he
was finally obliged to tell him that un
less he put on the orthodox stovepipe
he could not accompany him. It seems
that etiquette forbids a gentleman to
appear in public with any other head-
gear than the aforesaid stovepipe, and
my English friend dared not counten
ance a contravention of the law. A
gallant captain of the queen’s body
guard, to whom I related ,the matter,
sustained his countryman,’and declared
that he himself, although ’of a* profes
sion which requires courage as its first
essential, would not venture to show
himself in Bond street oi;thepark with
a soft felt hat.
Pursuing my inquiries, I have found
that a similar tyranny prevails in in
numerable respects. Mr. Gladstone
is reported to have said that a cabinet
minister might better commit any
blunder rather than have his front
door opened by a maid servant. Cus
tom demands that a man shall be
employed for that duty, and whoever
infringes the custom becomes an out
cast at once. So, too, the carry
ing of parcels in the street by ladies
of gSfvflemen is forbidden, and I have,
no doubt, been set down as. a lunatic
by shopkeepers ftiahy a time, because
I would insist upon taking home my
purchases in my own hands. I believe
an exception Is made in the case of
books, provided they be not wrapped
up in paper. These may be carried
without loss of caste, but everything
else is a mark of infamy. To walk
with the coat unbuttoned in front is
likewise improper, and is regarded very
much as walking without, any' coat at.
ail. Nor may a gentleman, not, in
business, wear a sack coat, in London.
No matter how hot the weather may
be, his outer garment must be a frock
coat buttoned up as I have mentioned.
Only in the country, and while trav
eling, is luxury of looseness and com
fort permitted.
The Elephant, Whale, and Seal.
The tremendous warfare upon the
elephant for the purpose of supplying
Europe with trinkets and billiard balls
may prove to be a national calamity
to some parts of Africa. In those dis
tricts where cattle are destroyed by
the Tsetse fly, the elephant is the only
animal which is available as a beast of
burden, and its extermination, which
is progressing steadily, will be a severe
blow to such districts. The war on
this useful creature would be prose
cuted much more vigorously were it
not for the skill with which commer
cial frauds are perpetrated nowadays.
Real ivory is rarely used in the han
dles of umbrellas, canes, and parasols,
which are fitted with “ivory” that
lived in the legs of horses and cattle,
and the demand for elephants’ tusks is
consequently kept down to certain
f urposes for which it has no substitute,
f something can be found to replace
ivory in the manufacture of billiard
balls, the elephant can obtain a respite
which may be serviceable to his
preservation as the discovery of petro
leum has been to that of the whale.
Reports from sea captains tend to show
a gratifying increase in the number of
whales seen in almost all seas. Fif
teen years of rest has enabled nature
to repair the ravages which the per
sistent pursuit of the animal by large
fleets had made in its numbers. This
rest does not appear to be seriously
threatened by a revival of the whale
fishery in anything like its former pro
portions, though if the fleets were to
set out once more, they would find
chances for a good catch once more
restored. But the demand for whale
oil will hardly return again, and if
something could be discovered which
would give that exact elasticity which
makes ivory so admirably fitted for the
the billiard player’s use, it is probable
that the elephant too might re-estab
lish its former numbers. The demand
for both the above animals rest on what
may be considered as absolute require
ments which can hardly be satisfied oth
erwise; but war almost of an extermin
ating character is waged upon a third
—the seal—merely to supply the de
mands of fashion. The seal-skin
sacques of ladies are pretty, but they
are not either healthy or comfortable
for more than a very few weeks of the
year. A change in the fashion may
release the seal to a large extent from
the pursuit now carried on against
him.
The ladies in particular will be glad
to know just how things are conducted
mjja lodge o* Freemasons. A pamphlet
under the sanction of the bishop of
Toulouse, has been Issued and exten
sively circulated, which declares that
the Freemasons are possessed of a Sa
tanic secret; that they perform a mock
ery of the mass on an altar lighted by
six candles; that every member, after
spitting on the crucifix, tramples it be
neath his feet; and that, at the con
elusion of the ceremony, every one as
cends the altar and strikes the^ holy
sacrament with a poniard.
A Quiet Smoke.
Julian Hawthorn ej in W“SHIdtCW-"
titled “A Peaceful Pipe,” says: Reader,
I were unmannerly to talk thee down
and not to offer thee a smoke for recom
pense. There lies my pipe on the little
stand between the windows.- The Jap
anese tobacco-box, carved in cunning
figures from a section of giant bamboo,
stands guard behind it. One flank is
defended by an oddly designed ash' re
ceiver: an ass’s head full of matches pro
tects the other. Over ail is shed a
genial glow from the crimson cloth,
gold-edged, which drapes the stand and
fraternizes jovially with the afternoon
sunshine. The pipe itself is of unusual
size, carved into the likeness of a human
face; a very peculiar face, which pro
vokes at once a smile and a sigh. In
all these years I have not wearied of
it, for it is full of ever fresh interest
and suggestion. The features are shaped
by a hold hand but guided with mas-
terlyskill as well as profound knowledge
and feeling. Uglier the face could not
well be, but with an ugliness thoroughly
human. A brow low and projecting,
the foundation of a pair of curling
ram’s horns; eyes large, deep-set, ex
pressive of pathetic weakness; nose
aquiline, albeit broad and flattened; a
thick, projecting upper lip, and tim
orous, retreating chm. A weak smile
glimmers over the features, not broad,
hardly mirthful; rather as if striving to
reflect the merriment which their un-
gainlincss might excite. Whoever de
signed this pipe was an artist, and one
who had looked into the human heart.
Well, pick him up and fill his empty
head with brains from the tobacco-box.
Tobacco is all his intellect, and smoke
the sole manifestation of the enkindle-
ment thereof; yet how many orators,
think you, or authors, or pulpit min
isters even, have the art or power to
soothe, beguile, inspire, that this un
demonstrative but subtly i>otent en
chanter possesses? He never speaks;
the greater part of his life he lies cold
and dead upon the table; but the brief
hours of his life are full of fervent fire.
The oftener we are under the spell of
his voiceless eloquence the oftener arises
the longing to yield to it again; his mo
notony never bores us because the very
breath of his life comes and goes abso
lutely at our own command. Fill full
and press down hard; there must be no
empty chambers in this occiput. Now
a match from the ass’s head, which we
will scratch upon the under side of the
mantelpiece yonder; so to do is one of
the universal instincts of man’s nature,
and were mantelpieces polished under
neath it would be a general calamity.
Blue burns the match, then yellow; we
draw the flame downward through the
pipe-bowl, and straightway up rises the
brown tobacco into a glowing mound.
In the same moment the first smoke-
cloud issues from our lips and the pipe
is lit. We seek the easy-chair, and
gently yield ourself to its embrace. No
reading, no writing; the true, smoker
will not so profane his enjoyment.
Smoking is an elevated mental and
psychological pleasure; he who finds in
it merely an assistance to digestion or
the gratification of a morbid craving is
unworthy the brotherhood.”
Omelet.—Few articles of food are
so readily attainable, attractive in ap
pearance and so quickly cooked as
omelets. A good and economical
emelet is made with four eggs well
heaten and added to one cup of milk,
into which has been stirred one table-
spoonful of pounded cracker and one
smaii teaspoonful of Hour. Stir the
mixture well together just before pour
ing it on the well buttered griddle,
which should have a strong flavor of
scorched butter. Turn it as soon as it
begins to “set” around the edge with a
wide-bladed knife, fold it over once,
and then again, and at once lift the
griddle and turn the omelet upon a
small plate. It will, of course, be of
four thicknesses.