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[Published every Thursday by D. I*. FRERMA X. ■ 1 —— 1 — Terms: $1.50 per annum, in advance. OLD SERES- -VOL. X- NO 2. CEDARTOWN. GA,. MARCH 1. 1883 NEW SERIES-VOL. V-NO. )‘2 THE DRUM, BY JAMES W. BUSY. O, th# dram! There is some Intonation in thy gram Monotony of utterance that strikes ids spirit dnrab, As we hear Through the dear And unclouded atmosphere, Thy rumbling palpitations roll in upon the earl There's a part Of the art Of thine muaie-throbMn" hear. That thrills a something in ua that awakens with s start. And, the rhyme With the chime And exactitude of time, Goes marching on to glory to thy melod j sublime. And the guest Of the breast That thy rolling robs of res Is a patriotic spirit as a Continental dressed; And he looms From the glooms Of a century of tombs, And the blood he spilled at Lexington in living beauty blooms. And his eyes Wear the guise Of a nature pure and wi.-e; And the love of thorn is lifted to a something in the skies, That is bright Red and whits. With a blur of starry light, As it laughs in silken ripples to tne breezes day and night. There are deep Hushes creep O’er the pulses as they leap. And the murmur fainter growing, on the silence falls asleep, While the prayer Rising there Wills the sea and earth and air As a heritage to Freedom’s sous ana daughters every where. Then with sound As profound As the thundering* resound, Come thy wild reverberations in a throe that sbnkes the ground, And a cry, Flung on high Like the flag it flutters by, Wings rapturously upward till it nestles in the sky. O, the drum! There is some ln'onation in thy grura Monotony of utteranr*- shat strikes the spirit dumb, And we hear Through the c!ear And unclouded atmosphere Thy rumbling palpitations roll in upon the ear 1 THE MOURNFUL MAX. flow Ibc O.lihosb Roys Enjoy a Bit of Fun. [Front Peek's Milwaukee Sun.] A few weeks ago a man registered at an Oslrkosh liotel, and was assigned a room, and everybody noticed that he was a most mournful looking man. He never said a word, hut there was that about his face, and his actions that showed he was laboring under some great sorrow. He had his supper taken to his room, and the waiter said the man never spoke, and seemed to be the saddest looking man he ever saw. The guests all talked the matter over, and they decided that the man was going to commit suicide. A traveling man who had a room next door to the solemn man, and who had pre viously occupied adjoining rooms in dif ferent hotels to three men who had com mitted suicide, felt that he was about to experience a fourth shook of the same kind, and he lay in 'us bed :dl night and never slept a wink believing that the next moment he should hear a revolver shot or the death struggle of his neigh bor. from poison. He' never heard a sound nli night, and when he got up in the morning he told the clerk that ho was sure the man was dead. They passed the room and listened but could hear no noise, and it was de cided to look over the transom to see if the man was dead. It is not a pleasing thing to look over a transom into a man’s room, not knowing whether your eye will fall on a corpse or a live man with a revolver pointed at you, so nobody seemed to yearn to be the first to climb the stepladder. Finally it was decided to throw a cat over the transom, onto the bed, and if they did not hear any noise it would be certain that the man was dead, and they could go on with the funeral. A cat was procured, and the porter, who knew just where the bed was located, was detailed to toss the cat over. He went up the ladder a few steps, not enough to look over, because he was not prepared to look suddenly upon a corpse, and taking the cat in both hands, by the legs, he gently tossed her, or him, as the case might be, over the transom on the bed occupied by the mournful-looking man. The cat was heard to fall with a dull thud, there was a sound as of scratching and ripping, a heavy form was heard to strike the floor, tiie cat “purmeoud” and “spit,” and the half dozen people out in the hall looked at each other wonderingly, when suddenly the door opened and the mad dest man that ever was seen in Oshkosh came ont in the hall in his night shirt, his arm and face bleeding on to the white night shirt. He had the cat by the hind legs with one hand and a revolver in the other, and as he struck at the assembled multitude right and left with the cat, there was the worst getting down stairs that ever was, and the cat was thrown at the last person who went down stairs, and the man returned to his room. He dressed himself, went down to the office and paid his bill, and took the first train south, never having spoken a word while in Oshkosh, and the people are to this day wondering whether he was a prohibition speaker, a traveling man for a corset factory, or an agent for a deaf and dumb asylum. The traveling man who was so nervous for fear his neighbor was going to commit suicide, wishes he ' had, the landkwd fears that he has dis pleased a guest who might have remained longer, and the porter who threw the oat, aaya that it is the last time he will evar try to And a oerpss by the aid of a DRIVING OVER TORPEDOES. Lewis E. Dawson, a Pliilodelphia po liceman, claims the honor of having taken Gem McClellan safely through, or rather over, one of the greatest dangers of his life. “It was the time the rebels evacuated Yorktown,” said the. police man, “before theseven days’ fight in the Peninsula. I was then driving McClel lan’s private ambulance, a Eort of Ger mantown wagon, that he had had fitted jp for his own use. It would carry four persons comfortably, and I bad a team of four splendid horses to draw it. Web, the rebels skipped ont of Yorktown one Saturday night, but before they went they filled all the roads in and around the town with torpedoes—buried ’em under a thin scum of earth, you know, so that yon couldn’t see the blamed tilings till yon stepped on ’em, and then after that you never saw any tiling else. The Sunday after the evacuation was a beautiful day, but that night it rained as it just knew how to rain down on the Peninsula, and the mud—well, it knew how to make mnd, too. It was about a foot deep, I reckon, when I started on Monday morning from McClellan’s head quarters, four miles out, to drive to Yorktown. “There were four officers in the ambulance—Gen. McClellan, Col. Col burn, his chief of staff; Gen. Franklin, and Gen. Fitz John Porter. It was still raining, and the ambulance curtains wero closed. Wo got along all right till we came to the entrance to the Yorktown fortifications, and there, right in the nar rowest part of the way, was an ammuni tion wagon, broken down in the mud, and beside it was a stick planted in the mud, with a little red flag hanging from it. I knew what it was as soon as I saw it; the rain had washed the dirt off ono of them Woody’ torpedoes, and the soldiers had found it and marked it; you bet they wasn’t going to dig it up without positive orders. “Well, I stopped my team and Gen. McClellan stuck iiis head through the curtains and looked about him. There were some soldiers standing around, and among them was a Lieutenant. “ ‘Don’t let our men take up any of these torpedoes. Make the prisoners do it.’ “Then he looked at the wagon, and asked me : “ ‘Do you think you can get past?’ “ ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I guess I can, if I straddle that torpedo.’ “ ‘Well,’ said he, ‘go ahead. I expect we’ll all be blown to thunder together. ’ Those were the very words he used. So I threw my long whip down between the horses to keep them apart as far as possi ble, and drove ahead, and we got into Yorktown without touching the torpe do.” ‘ ‘And what did McClellan say then ?’ “He never said a word. When we got into Yorktown he left the ambulance and went into a house, and presently he sent an orderly out to tell me to go back to headquarters. I had no sooner reached there than I received orders to turn around, return to Yorktown, and follow the winy, so I had to drive over tliat i darned torpedo three times. I got kinder used to it at last and was ready to bet that £ could do it every time.” Indian Corn. The smaller, the husband, the bigger (jp bundles bin wife siftfeea bint carry. A Planetary Mystery. The strangest phenomena in connec tion with Wednesday’s transit is that re ported by Prof. Langley, observing at Pittsburg. When about one-half of the planet wus upon the sun’s face a point of light was seen near the rim of Venus, outside the sun. No direct ray of light could reach that point, and the Professor expressly says that the phenomenon was not duo to irradiation, nor to any instru mental cause. The explanation and in terpretation of this phenomenon is an en tirely new problem for astronomers. There can be no doubt- of the reality of the mystery, for the report of it is over Prof. Langley’s signature, and he is known as a careful as well as competent observer. His assistants, when their at tention was called to it, saw the same shining point, in no symmetrical relation to the chord uniting the “horns” of the polar limb, and unmistakably on one side of the line drawn through the centres of the sun and Venus. The spectroscopic observations showed some new and un known lines, besides unmistakably those of watery vapor. It is noteworthy that no observer reports having seen a satel lite of Venus. Several skilfull observers have heretofore reported that such a body existed, but the observations of Wednes day mast be taken to show that the earlier observers were in error; that is, that the disputed satellite was apocry phal. A very satisfactory feature of the repoits is that so few observers were troubled by the “black drop.” Usually the contacts were geometrical, a fact highly conducive to exactness. The O rman observers at Hartford, are quoted as saying affirmatively, that there were no indications of an atmosphere. The point is worth noting, chiefly because cf its inconsistency with the accepted fact that Venus has an atmosphere, and which must be taken to be rather more firmly established than weakened by the observations of Wednesday. On the whole, tins transit was much more suc cessfully observed than the last, and more will be learned from it Dr. Byron B. Halstead, at the winter meeting, in Northampton, of the Massa chusetts Board, spoke of Indian com, the yield of which the present season will approach very near two billion bushels, raised chiefly in six States, and on an area thirteen times as large as Massachusetts, which produced two mil lion bushels and was tne first in the world to be planted with corn by civil ized man. Corn is of a plastic nature and can adapt itself to widely different influences. The many sorts now grown was probably developed from a single source and from a variety much inferior to our best kinds now. Com is divided into flint and dent varieties, field or gar den, or sweet, pop and husk-covered, the latter believed by many to represent the original habit of growth. From four to forty rows are found in an car, al ways an evon number. Varieties are cultivated that reach a height of only two feet, while others rear their tops so that a man on horseback can scarcely reach them. The kernels are many shaped and many Colored, and the grain varies in weight from fifty-six to sixty- four pounds per bushel. The kernel is made up of the chit or embryo, and starch and oil for feeding it during its early growth. Like most of all other plants it has its roots, stem and leaves. The value of the entire crop of the United States is not less than seven hun dred million dollars’ worth for each of the hundred days of its growth, though as coni grows but little during cold spells, the money value is increased most rapidly during the hottest days just succeeding showers, when there must at times be twenty or more mil lions of dollars’ worth grown in a single twenty-four hours. The sexual charac ter of the plant was described with its male blossoms on the spindle and the female organs on the ear, giving us the power to cross-breed and make new vari eties by careful selection and manipula tion. Much can be done te increase the' average yield of the country by selection of seed and growing seed especially for planting. A varie'ty with the habit of producing one fine ear is better than one that may produce several small ears. Tile cob should be small, the husk soft. Early growth is also an important char acteristic. The person who is fortunate enough to originate a new variety of marked superiority to any now existing will be classed among the benefactors of the race. America is the peculiar home of the corn plant; England would gladly give a thousand fortunes could she suc cessfully raise this grain, which is every inch a king. THE FESTIVE OYSTER. Texas claims a goose sixty-five yean old. The Baltimore Zhfj/ wants to know gbere tint goats mss d‘ ir ’“3 tbs vw. At the New York Microscopical Society Professor Samuel Loekwoood, Ph. D.. Secretary of the New Jersey State Micro scopical Society, read a paper on th< “Natural History of the Oyster.” Aftei speaking of the great systems in physi ology known as the negative, the profes sor took up the ingestion, respiration and circulation of the oyster, which he illus trated with the help of the blackboard and diagrams. In regard to the inges- tive system, he show’ed the course which the water took in conveying food to the mouth of the oyster, and described the action of the lip3 of the oyster in elimi nating the food from the water. The position of the stomach was then shown with the involuted intestines, and where the faecea were discharged at a spot where the effete water that had been taken to tho mouth, returned in a stream, thus carrying the fcecal refuse out of the shells. Further on he showed the peculiar internal structure of the in testines, by which the great surface was made available for the absorption of food into the general system. In regard to the respiration, he showed how the water entered the gills, and by a series of innumerable millions of little lashes in action, like oars, carry the water through the minutest part of the gills, eliminating the oxygen from the con tained air. In respect to the circulation he showed the heart in pulsation, com posed of tiie ventricle and auricle, the latter receiving the aerated blood from the gills, giving the same to the ventricle, which by the two aortas distributed the blood through the entire surface of the animal. He spoke of the oyster as having some little capacity for education (the Profes sor is Superintendent of Publio Instruc tion in Monmonth Comity, N. J.,) in that in a singular way it can adjust itself to many new environments, and then went on to describe the building up the oys ter’s house—its shells. He told how tiie shells were formed and how the age of an oyster can be told by the shoots or layers of the shells, by the hinge lines and by the position of the abductor muscle. The Professor then described the com panions of the oyster and their habits, detailing their efforts in gathering food for the mollusc, and also the enemies of the oyster, such as the drum fish, grinds them up, destroying millions of them in a night; of the drill, that bates a hole through tiie shell and then sodas out the life and body, unless the oyster rebels and defeats the attack by plugging up the hole. The aes-star aad the conch were added to the Rated m«l. one's operations begin n»jnnt«lyAis»a«s| That seems tome very great and noble—that power of respecting a fad ing which he does not share or under- HOW TO SECURE A PENSION. Pension Commissioner Dudley has written a letter to a gentleman of New York City, who wrote asking whether there was any real necessity for employ mg pension attorneys and for a brief" statement of the methods used by dis honest attorneys to swindle soldiers: In reply the Commission said that sec- I ticn 4,748 of tho Revised Statutes pro vides tliat- the Commissioner of Pensions, on application being made to him in per son or by letter by any claimant or &,;> pii-. nut for pension, bounty, land A otiur allowance required by law to be adjusted or paid by tho Pension Office, shafi furnish to such person, free of all expense, all such printed instructions and forms as may be necessary in estab lishing and obtaining said claim. When the claim, properly filled up and executed, is filed the receipt is acknowl edged, the number of the claim given and the claimant notified that the same will be taken up in its order; at the same time a letter is forwarded containing full and complete instructions. Necessarily considerable delay occurs between the time of filing the claim and its being taken up in its order, which delay the claimant is advised to employ in procuring tho necessary evidence. When the case is reached and is taken up, if the evidence is all in and sufficient, the claim is settled at cnce. Otherwise claimant is called upon for the particular kind of evidence required, and the circular calls are so worded that they cannot be misinterpreted by any one. Tho evidence of record is obtained hv the office direct, as is also the medical examination by the medical boards in different part3 of the country. The Commission says the principal violations consist in the collection, under some guise or upon some pretext or an other, of more than the feo allowed by law; the enforced celb etion of so-called expense fees or postage claims in ad vance by addressing the calls to this office for medical examinations or oth< r evidence by. C. O. D. packages; the collection of fees in ad vance and abandonment of claim as soon as fee is received; advertisements hohling out inducements not warranted by law, by which honest soldiers are led to pre fer baseless claims, the only advantage in such cases being that which accrued to tho agent, who gets a feo. Loss of Life at Sea. From the annual report of the Super vising Inspector-General of Steam Ves sels, Mr. Dumond, there is obtained much interesting and instructive' infor mation regarding the loss of life and property through accident to that class of carric'rs. During the fiscal year the total number of accidents resulting in loss of life was: From elirect collisions, 16; explosions, 15; fire’s, 7; “snags, wrecks, anel sinking,” 3, making a total of 41. The number of lives lost was: By explosions, 53; by fire, 60; by cuilis- ions, 34; by occidental drawing, 4G; by miscc'llaneous casualties, 6, anel by “snags, wrecks, and sinking,” 6. The total number of persons carried dining the year, including officers and crew, was 354.070,447, showing that the loss of life was only 1 to every 1,727,172 persons carried. During the year 1851, the year previous to the enactment of the steam boat laws, of which those now in force :U"e codifications, 39,000,000 passengers were carried and 700 livis lost, being 1 life in every 55,714 passengers carried. These figures are cited in proof of the excellence of the present system of in specting steam vessels. That they show a marked improvement since 1851 is, of course, not to be denied, but they are very far from proving that the system is as perfect or the officers engaged nnder it as efficient and faithful as they should be. A Forgiving Woman. The forgiving disposition of some wemen was wonderfully illustrated in the Court of General Sessions of New York City the other day. Albert Arthur was tried upon the charge of attempting to kill his young wife, Nellie Arthur, a va riety actress. The evidence was that he, prompted by jealousy, attacked her in a private box of a theatre in which she was jn ployed, and stab lied her eleven times. •Shs lay at the point of death for weeks, but when she quitted the hospital it was found that she had forgiven her cruel husband, and was unwilling to testify igainst him. During his trial, the evn deuce of other witnesses being sufficient, she went frequently to the prisoners’ box, and sent him luncheon at recess. Artlinr was convicted, however, and the probability is that he will spend some in years State prison. Unclaimed Money. Mr. Preston, author of “Unclaimed Money,” has Btartled Londoners by an nouncing that the new Palace of Justice has been mainly raised with the surplus interest of suitors’ money, the Courts of Justice Building act, 1865, giving power to apply £1,000,000 of the Surplus Interest Fund for this purpose. Mr. Preston asserts that £75,000,000 are in the Chancery Funds, the number of ac counts being 35,545. A hundred years ago it was £7,500,000, and 2,385 accounts This employment of the money in bftild- ing the courts need not alarm the numer ous families in this country who daim these funds, inasmuch an there is an understanding that the Government will make good all the money thus appro priated to all claims which ahall be sub stantiated m It has been estimated that about one hundred thousand miles of underground chambers exist in the lime-stone at Ken- HE WOULD GO TO SEA. The Kemaaee of Commander Carriage’s Boyhood. Commander Gorringe, of c United States Navy, is descended from an an cient Swedish family named Gorings. His father went to the Bnrbadoes imme diately after tailing his degree at Oxiord, and there settled down as a clergyman of the Church of England. He married a daughter of a fellow clergyman; and it was in this charming sea-home that the two young people reared their five chil dren. They had everything heart could wish for—position, means, health, and prosperity. The worst troubles they had to encounter were vicarious—for they suf fered only through their parisliioners— and thc-ir days of joy grew to months and years, and still the sun shone. The first jar came when the second boy, Harry, walked into his father’s study one day and announced that he could not stand school-going, but must be a sailor, adding with the honesty that has never left him: “I tell you, papa, because if you do not let me go, I will run away.” Mr. Gorringe thought it over, and next morning had a talk with the boy out of which grew the following treaty : He was to return to school and stay one year, which would bring him to the age of fourteen ; then, if he still felt his hap piness lay in a sea life, he was to be shipped with a friend of his father’s to learn his chosen profession. The’subject was then dropped, and matters went on so quietly that Mr. Gorringe forgot all about it. Not so the boy; on the last day of the year of probation, he went to his father and quietly said : “The year is up, papa. ’ “What year, my boy?” “My year of waiting and now I want to go to sea.” Poor gentleman He went in dismay to his wife—as the wisest man will do when family puzzles arise—and it was decided in solemn conclave to send the boy a sailoring under a captain who would disgust him with sea-lifo once and forever. A vessel was in from England, commanded by an old commercial friend of tiie pastor; and to him he unfolded the ease. He shipped his son as cabin- boy; and after putting a sum of money and a kit of “store-clothes” in the cap tain’s charge, bade adieu to him and went homo heavy-hearted. Captain Gorringe says his first taste of sea-life came as he hung over the rail, with a lump in his throat, and looked and looked at his home. As he gazed at it through a haze of tears that twisted and distorted its outlines into all sorts of fantastic shapes, a rough hand took liin by the ear, and a rough foot kicked him forward with an oath-garnished order to go aloft, or else take a taste of rope’s end. After this he did see sea-life in its most trying phases, bnt reached England un dismayed, and was there arrested by his uncle, and shut up until a letter from the West Indies assured him that his nephew had not run away, and that the whole social system of the Bnrbadoes had not gone to wreck, even though its pastor’s sou was shipped as a sailor before the mast on a merchantman. By the time this letter came the first ship had sailed; but the plucky boy en listed on another and started for India. Connecticut Valley Sandstone. Mr. F.lins Nason reports, in a Boston paper, that some very fine specimens of tracks have lately been uncovered in the famous quarry at Turner’s Falls, Mass. One of the slabs has on it a series of 15-inch tracks (three toed), the stride measuring five feet. Mr. Nason was per mitted to take with him several beautiful specimens, one of which exhibits the delicate tracery of the feet of an insect escaping over tho soft mud; another ex hibits the ripples of the wave, another the drops of rain, and others have well- defined imprints of the tracks of birds. He also saw the impressions of several kinds of ferns and grasses. Mr. Staugh- tou, who is working this geological mine, considers some of the largest slabs to be worth from 3500 to 31,000; bnt the cost of excavating them is heavy. This whole region is supposed to have been originally covered by the sea. As the waves receded, birds and quadrupeds whose species are extinct left the impres sions of their feet upon the mnd, which, hardening into stone, has held them through the ages for the examination of tho scientists of the present day. Com pared with these tracks as to age, the pyramids of Fgypt "rz bnt r.s cf yester day. The Rise of Oleomakqabine.—In tho census returns of 1870 oleomargarine does not appear. According to a census bulletin just issued the amount made in tiie United States in 1880 reached a value of nearly seven million dollars. This in dicates lively progress of the infant in dustry during the past decade in' spite of the legislative and other obstacles thrown in its way. The census of 1890 will doubtless show a for greater advance of the new product in the zealous competi tion with its old-fashioned rival. A SwindIiIno Wheel.—A roulette wheel in a nincimmli gambling iwn wm stolen, and the thieves turned out to be rival gamblers, who desired to have one made just like it. They testified in court that it srss a new invention, containing a spring by tile »bot at which its vic tims could be robbed at will, the dealer bring able to make, the ball atop an whatever number he pleased. • STORY OF “RIP VAN WINKLE.” There seems to be good reason for be lieving that the story of •‘Hip Van Winkle” existed in similar form long be fore Washington Irving gave it to tin American public. Mr. Griffis, in bii work entitled “The Mikado’s Empire,’ says: “The story (of Chinese origin) is, as told by Japanese story-tellers, as fol lows: Lu-wen was a pious wood-cutter, who dwelt at the base of the majestic and holy mountain Tendai, the most glorious peak of the Naulin range in China. Though he thought himself familiar with -tiie paths, he few some reason one day lost Ids way, and wandered about, haring his ax with him. He did not care, however, because the beauty of the land scape, tho flowers and the sky seemed to possess his senses, and he gave himself up to the ecstasy of the hour, enjoying all the pleasant emotions of holy con templation. All at once he heard a crackling sound, and immediately a fox ran ont before him and into the thicket again. “ The wood-cutter started to puisne it. He ran some distance, when suddenly he emerged into a space where two lovely ladies, seated on the ground, were en gaged in playing a gome of checkers. The bumpkin stood still and gazed with all his sight at the wonderful vision of beauty before him. The players appeared to lie unaware of the presence of an in truder. The wood-cutter still stood look ing on, and soon became interested in the game as well as the fair players. After some minutes, as he supposed, he bethought himself to return. On at tempting to move away, his limbs felt very stiff, and his ax-handle fell to pieces. Stooping down to pick np the worm-eaten fragments, he was amazed to find, instead of his shaven face of the morning, a long white beard covering his bosom ; while, on feeling his head, he discovered on it a muss of silken, white hair. The wrinkled old man, now dazed with won der, hobbled down the mountain to his native village. “He found the streets the same, but the houses were filled with new faces; crowds of children gathered round him, teasing and langhing at him ; the dogs barked at the stranger, and the parents ot the children shook their heads and wondered among themselves as to whence the apparition had come. The old man, in the agony of despair, asked for his wife and relatives. The incredu lous people set him down as a fool, knowing nothing of whom he asked, and treating his talk as the drivel of lunatic senility. Finally, an old grandom hob bled up and said she was a descendent of the seventh generation of a man named Ipi-wen. The old man groaned aloud, end, turning his back, retraced his weary steps to the mountain again. He was never heard of more, and it is be lieved he entered into tho company of the immortal hermits and spirits of ilie mountain.” B. M. Baumann, a traveler, says : “I may add that daring my recent rambles in Japan, not ouly did I hear the tale, as told by Mr. Griffis, con firmed by the natives, but I was also shown a Netsuke or ivory representation of Rip as a very old man with long hair and beard, leaning on an ax.” The Crown Prince of Germany, who takes deep interest in the village schools near liis estate at Potsdam, visited the school at Bomstedt the other day to see ‘he newly-appointed master. He hod scarcely entered the room when a mes senger arrived with a telegram summon ing the master to come to his mother who was dying in. a neighboring village. The Crown Prince insisted that the mas ter should iustantly depart. “But the children—the school—how can I leave then »” cried the agonized and perplexed man. “Tilt 1 never mind such things,” answered the Prince; “I will teach the school until the vicar comes to prepare candidates for confirmation. Go 1 run ! - iid may you find her yet alive!” So for more than an hour the heir to the Im perial tlirone examined and instructed the children, until the vicar came, to whose care he then entrusted the school. Lett Him.—All the preparations for Miss Morton’s wedding were made, at Hopkinsville, Ky., excepting a choice o; a bridegroom. She preferred Mi Ho 1 man, while her father insisted >u M: McPherson. Parental authority : teemed likely to he maintained, and Hz. Mc Pherson was told to be on band. Ac cordingly be was there, but Holman was there too. Although the front door was locked against him, he got in by the back way, and pleaded his case so ear nestly that the girl recalled her promised obedience, and declared that she would marry him or nobody. So the guests, after being kept in suspense till the last moment, finally saw her become Mrs. Holman. They had only been married a short time. The other day she slung her arm around him, and warbled, in a low, tremulous voice: “Do yon realize, Adolphus, that now we are married, we are only one?” “No,” replied the brute, “I can’t realize it. I have just paid a $75 millinery bill, and a lot non of your bilk, with several out- aide precincts to hear from, n lam be ginning to realise that, as far as expense goes, instead of bring one, we .are about half a doaen. I can’t take in that idea of oar being one just yet; not by * bigs majority.”—Taco* Sifting*. WIT AND WISDOM. Fannie: Yon aie right. It is better to return a kiss for a blow. And a great deal sweeter.—Christian at Work. A >_an in Syracuse boasts that he has had 302 colds Li the head in one year. Ho’d better rent his head for an ice-box (Ti'.)TU X., “A court of common pleas j> what I call my store; An,' the picas yon hear the most are these: "Good friends, please shut the door.’ ” A man in Tompkins County, N. Y., thought he had discovered the secret of preserving eggs, bnt after 120,000 had spoiled on liis hands he concluded that he hadn’t. If you meet a lion just right he will drop his tail and flee, bnt there are so many chances that he will drop yon in stead that the meeting had better be post poned as long as possible. Houses sometimes appear to be almost human. One in St. Louis chews tobac co. The habit does not show a superior intelligence, bnt it illustrates what a horse can do when associated with men. What is the differenco between econ omy and meanness? Well, if a man squeezes to save a little money, he calls it economy; his neighbors call it mean ness. It depends on who does the call ing. A new book is called “ How to Keep a Store.” It is a work of several hundred pages, and life is too short to read it. The best way to keep a store is to adver tise judiciously, and thus prevent it fall ing into the hands of the sheriff—Nor ristown Herald. Venxob’s almanac for 1883 lies before ns. Don’t misunderstand us. Wo don’t mean to say—well, what we do mean is that we have received a copy, and that it contains sixty pages of statements re garding the extent, quality and durabil ity of next year’s weather.—Texas Sift ings. Illinois is worrying over the qnestioD, “Who shall step into David Davis’s shoes?” The next Senator may step into David’s shoes, hut by tho great American desert, he’d better keep out of the old man’s trousers, if he wants to be found in time to draw any pay.—Hawk- eye. A little fellow being told by a young man to get off his knee—be was too heavy to hold in that way, made quite a sonsation among tho persons present by yelling back : “ Too heavy, hey ? Sister Sal weighs a hundred pounds more than I, and you held her ou your knee for four hours last night.” Among some old papers sent to tho Austin jail, says Siftings, was the elec tion circular of one of the local candi dates. One of the prisoners, who has been in the jail for the last year, looked at it, and said: “Look here, boys, this is not intended for us. It is addressed ‘To the people at large.’ That don’t mean ns.” One Kentucky stage robber success fully plundered the driver and three passengers, rifled the mail, took a wheel off the coach, and calmly went his way. Had there been two or three more pass engers and a guard, he would have sent liis boy to do the job, while he went down to Texas to do some man’s work. A Kansas man, npon being aroused from his bed at 6 a. m. to split some kindlings, indulged in heathen language, and wished something would come along and convert everything combustible into kindling wood. Next day a cyclone come howling along and knocked his house into kindlings, and yet he was not satisfied. It is imposible to please some men.—Norristown Herald. Ovebworked Americans: A travel- stained tramp was sitting under the pro tecting aegis ot a stone-wall with a news paper in his hand. “Yes,” he remarked, sadly, “Herbert is right; overwork is what’s raising the dence with ns Ameri cans. Bnt as long as I live it shall be my endeavor to stand as a living rebuke to the spirit of unrest which animates bo many of our people, and which is hiding so mauy of our young and promising men in early graves.”—Boston Tran- script. Blowing Hot and Cold. At a meeting of the Royal Society of Edinburgh, the other day, a letter was read from Prof. Piazzi Smyth, who says that the observations made at the Clin ton Hill Observatory prior to 1870 estab lished three laws of occurrence: First, that every eleven years a great wave of heat struck this earth, this having oc curred three times in succession, name ly : in 1846, 1857, and 1868; secondly, that each of these dates was the mark of the beginning of a period of remarkable solar activity; and thirdly, that close to the heat wave came two cold waves. Speaking in 1872, he had, he said, in ac cordance with these laws, predicted that the next cold wave would be experienced about the end of 1878, and that the year 1880 would be warm. So remarkable this prediction that he wished he had then died, for then the statement would have been remembered, and ablet men than himself would have rushed in to the field, and a new science would have been born in a day. The Claimant.—Mr. Anthony Bid- dulph visited the Tichbome claimant a few days ago at Portsea oouvict prison for the first time since the convicts re moval from Dartmoor. The claimant has lost considerably in weight, and has aged very much. He appeared to be perfectly resigned to his position, but is looking forward with hope to the Christmas or 1881, when he expects to be liberated a tioket of leave.