Newspaper Page Text
licikly Democrat
' sK | I, Editor ami Piop’r
*•“ - ■■
*=g^DAY. JULY 27,1882-
scuscnnmoy.
for Anno® i ^
tii 75
10
** i !> ia advance.
aiivebtisino rates asd rules.
. iTer ti^tn«*» ;s insert,;. * 1 * * * at $2 per square
■ . in ,-rU'jn aui for each subse
ts «rt!
q 5 '" ,,e ' is e i ? ht -oli<l lines of this type.
* ^ t( . rBj made will* contract adverti-
n9 ticei of eight lines are $15 per
or *■'.'» per annum. Local notices
jffhanthree months are subject to
tI *r*ntr»cn <, |Ver , i«"rs who desire their*<1-
wrti.entrnt-changed, must give us two
*rh!nzin-' advertisements, unless othcr-
>e siipolat'"! in contract, will be changed
m - per s jtuire.
\Urri:»"* an 1 obituary notices, tributes of
'4rt"»nd other kindred notices, charged
*Tftjher advertisemeuls.
W ilT, rti<emenl-< must take the run of the
r as we do not contract to keep them
^Anauuncemenh-for candidates are $10, if
"ilin^ireVue upon the appearance of the
ndrertioemciit. and the money will be col-
hdrfs-s 1,1 l»y the proprie.ot
We9 hall adhere strictly tothe aboverales,
j ivili depart from them under nocircum-
lW«ces.
'bCMXKSS & 1*11 OFJSSSIONAL.
‘ VV. M. HARRELL,”
Attorney At Law,
ibiNDiUM'R, Georgia.
Will be found at McGill's office. All
bn-iuess entrusted to his care will receive
prompt at ten* inn. t .’odectious a specialty.
' Jane 1. 1882—(itn.
MEDICAL CARD.
Dr. M. J. Nicholson,
Has removed to Twilight, Miller coun-
tr (tcor-ia. Olflce in J. S. (Hilton’s
■tore. ° fcb.9,’82.
MEDICAL CARD.
Dr. E . J . M o r. g a n-
Has removed his office to the drug store,
formerly occupied by Hr. Harrell. £tesi
dence on Wc.-t street, south of Nhotwell,
when falls at night will reach him.
CHARLES C. BUSH,
Attorney at Law
COLQUITT, GA.
Prompt attention given to all business en
trusted to me.
DENTISTRY.
J. C . Curry, D. D. S.,
Can he found daily at his office on South
Bread s'rce'. up stairs, iu K. Johnson’s
building, where he is ready to attend to the
wants of die public at reasonable rates.
dec-5-78
D mcoili., M. o’neal
McGILL & O’NEAL.
Attorneys at Law.
BAINUKIDGE, GA.
Their office will be found over the post of-
lee.
t*a, «. DOKAl.SOV, BYRON B. BOWKS.
BOWER & DGHALSON.
Attornsys and Counsellors at Law.
Office in the court house. Will practice
iu Decatur and adjoining counties, and
elsewhern by special contract. a-26 7
DO C TO R mTlT B ATT lT,
Dentist.
Office over llmds 8tore, West side
coert house. lias line dental engine, and
will have everything to make his office
fiW'Class. Terms cash. Office hours 9
*• nt, to 4 p. in. jan. I3tf
JEFF D. TALBERT,
Attorney at Law,
Bainbriilge. Georgia.
M ill practice in all the courts, and busi
ness intrusted to his care will be promptly
attended to. Office over store of M. E.
Barnett & .Son. feb.23,'82.
DR. L. H. PEACOCK, "
Respectfully tenders his professional serv
ices to the people of Baiubridge nud vicini
ty.
Office over store of J. D. Harrell & Bro
Residence on West end of Broughton
Street, where he can be found at night.
*Aprii c, 1881—
House For Rent,
1 hereby offer for rent that comfortable
festlence lately occupied by Mr. Fred
ninth. It i s commodious, with all neces
sarv out houses, anil splendid garden at
tached. Apply to Thomas Scott, or the ua-
detsijnod,
3T 1 ’ 82. J. L Boynton-.
1 * E3IOYAL,
, ^*' s > s to notify my friends, patrons and
the puhli- generally, that 1 have removed
wv Harness Store next to F. L. babbit's on
b '.uli Dread street, where I hope to receive
:n t'*turo. the congratulations and patron-
of my friends. Thanking the public for
I 1 *' 1 " favors, and hoping a continuance of
the same, 1 am Yours Respectfully,
, J YOU 11 liOKN.
Jan. 5. 1882.
Baiubridge Academy.
The above institution will begin oh the
last Monday in August, the 2btli. A full
ana able eorps of teachers will be employ
ed and every endeavor made to give satis-
aitton. Patronage of citizens of Bain-
, ge and the surrounding country solicil-
w - Tuitiou as heretofore.
. Re- pectfully,
-2, J. e Withkrspoox.
MACOIN
’RMphpi
MiBLl
For special instruction in bookkeeping,
Penmanship, business arithmetic, corres
pondence, bill heading, telegraphy aud
general business routine,
W. WcKAY, - - PRN0IPAL.
Par terms, information as to boarding
to tlle principal. P. O. box
»»s Macon, Georgia.
BY BEX. E. RUSSELL. |
BAIXBRIDGE, GA, THURSDAY, JULY 2T, 18S2.
YOL. 11.—NO. 40
Eve’s Daughters.
A Louisville Belle has in her parlor
^icautiful embroidered motto, “E Plur
^jus, yum, yum 1”
Lowell gixls put obnoxious gallants
to flight by grouping around a feiiow
and kissing him to pieces.
The latest ‘‘edition” of the Btrictly
fashionable girl in full ‘-bangs” is a pret
ty good counterfeit of a porcupine at
bay.
A Hot Springs girl makes nine feet
at a standing jump, but when the other
girls hear of it they only make mouths.
The prettiest girl in Hot Springs
wears blue top stockings, and isn’t
afraid to show them either. We saw
them hanging on a line iu the back
yard.—Ex.
A writer in Lippincott’s Magazine
says: Woman is primarily a being
who listens,” and a graceless and libel-
lions wretch at our elbow says, ‘‘Yes, at
a keyhole.”
A Texas girl has been b’riten five
times in the calf of the leg by a rattle
snake without sufferng any bad effect
The rattlesnake is dead—probably
choked to dea'h on sawdust.
“Girls, invite your dashing Thomases
to toe a mark and make three full jumps,
with an egg in each hand. If neither
egg is broken by involuntary spueezing,
the young man will do to “tie to.”
Sirs. Sat ah J. Van Buren’s face now
ornaments the columns of the press of
the land. She is the discoverer of a
-‘ladies’ tonic.” Sarah knocks the
colored hosiery right off of Lydia E.
Pinliham for beauty, and of course will
sell the medicine.
Senator Mahone’s wife returned from
an Eumperian tour recently, and her
husband welcomed her home with a set
of elegant diamonds worth $40,000.
Mrs. Mahone is said to wear the hand'
sotnest and most costly jewels of any
lady connected with public life.
The new craze among women is to
form “broom brigades,” the object of
which is to become more proficient in
the manuil of the boom. In order
that women may become more skilled
in the use of her chief weapons of de
fense, we suggest that the teakettle
brigade be next organized. The art of
squirting hot water in the face of a de
tested man is yet only in its infancy.
Blue veils may be fashionable; they
may bi5 pretty ; they may be cheap and
a’l that, but no lady should wear a blue
veil if she wears a veil for what one
should be worn for, and that is a pro
tection to the face. The blue color
admits an actinic ray, which is an enemy
to a fair complexion and the cunning
aud industrious ally to freckles, tan
color, and chemical action on the
cuticle.
The ancient but good Susan Anthony,
who holds kinship with Senators
Laphaui and Anthony, through her
grandfather and grandmother, promises
to make it warm for these distinguish
ed statesmen if they do not come up to
the scratch on the woman suffrage
question, now, for the first time, refer-
red to a Congressional committee.
That’s right, Susan ; if there is any
work in these antedilvian Senators, get
it out of them.
The methods of trade are ever chang
ing, if not improving. Two mercantile
firms in New York have each “taken
two of their youngest, best looking and
cheekiest sales-ladies and sent them out
oo the road with samples to work up
trade, which under the old system ol
drumming, was fast slipping away from
them. The success of the ladies has
been quite phenomeual. Hardly in a
single instance have they failed to se
cure large orders.”
Why They I>o Not Put an “H
in Sugar.
When an old fashioned merchant in
New Jetsey came to look over an order
made out by hia new-fashioned clerk the
other day, be looked over his spectacles
and said:
-James. I see you have spelled sugar
without an -fa.’ ”
-• Yes. sir; that is the proper way.”
-But 1 hav*spelt it with au - h for the
last twenty-nine years - ”
“Cant help that.sir. Sugar should not
be spelled with an -h,’ ”
“Well, mebbe it shouldn't,” sighed the
old man. “ mebbe it stiouldn't. 1 presume
this mixing glucose does make ft difference
somewhere.”
Disagreeable People.
^ ulgar souls who ask personal ques
tions.
The “big I” and “little you” indi
vidual.
People who have more curiosity than
manners.
People who' overwork the ajectives
“awful” and “splendid.”
llich and vulgar men who fancy that
it is aristocratic to be uncivil.
Girls who mistake impertinence for
wit, and good breeding.
Newspapers which think there is no
news worth printing except the details
of crime.
The man who borrows his neighbor’s
Democrat as regularly as the week
rolls around.
Nasty young and old men who stand
on street corners and make mean re
marks about the women who pass.
The wealthy, arrogant man who only
has a pleasant “how-dy-do” and smile
when he%ants a favor of you.
Wealthy people who have to resort
to arrogance of manner to prevent their
innate vulgarity from boiug detected,
Men who insinuate that such and
such women are flirtatious; tiiat they
know it because said women tried to
flirt with them.
Men who stalk into the composing-
room of The Democrt, or any other
priming office, and lolls around in su-h
a manner as to disturb the men at
work.
Young ladies who at a ball insist on
breaking rules of etiquette by going
jrom one seat already filled to another,
simply because a favorite is in that
other seat.
Men who parade themselves in pub
lic places and in social affairs only for
the purpose of making themselves con
spicuous and appeasing their own per
sonal vanity.
Pearls of Thought.
What makes life dreary is the want
of motive.
To see what is right and not do it is
want of oourage ti
No man was ever written out of repu
tation but by himself.
. “.Recollection is the only paradise
from which we cannot be turned out.
If you wish to remove avarice you
must remove its mother—luxury.
Charity and personal force are the
only investments worth anything.
We carry all our neighbors crimes in
the light and throw all our own over
our shoulder.
It is in general more profitable to
reckon up our defects than to boast of
our attainments.
Pleasure is the mere accident of our
being and work is natural and most
holy necessity. ,
There are none so low but they have
their trumphs. Small succeses suffice
for small souls.
Youth is the tassel and silken flower
of life; age is the full corn, ripe and
solid in the ear.
Education begins the gentleman, but
reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.
Without the virtue of humility one
can neither be honest in poverty nor
Contented in abundance. 1
As concerns the quantity of what is
to te read, there is a single rule—read
much, but not many works.
The best way todiscipline one’s heart
against scandal is to believe all stories
false which ought not to be true.
A memory without blot or contami
nation is an exquisite treasurer and an
inexhaustible source of pure refresh
ment.
Sympathy of an Indignant
friend.
The Little Shoes I>id it.
The following touching incident’ which
we clip from an exchange, is worthy of
being preserved in letters of gold.
A young man, who has been reclaimed
from the vice of in temperance, was called
upon toAell how he was led to give up
drinking. He arose, but looked for a
moment very confused. All he could say
was. “The little shoes,”as if his heart was
in liis throat, he kept repeating this.
There was a stare of perplexity on every
face, and at length some thoughtlesjyouug
people began to titter. The man, in all
of his embarrassment, heard the sound, and
rallied at once. The light came into his
eyes with a flesh he drew himself up atid
addressed the audience the choking went
from bis throat.
Yes, friends, he said, in a voice that cut
its way clear as a deep toned bell, what
ever you may thick of it, I've told the
truth—the little shoes did it. I was a
brute aud fool; strong drink made me
both, and starved me in the
bargain. I suffered—I deserved
to suffer alone—no man who has a wife
aud child—for the wtmian gets the worse
share, But I am no speaker to enlarge on
that; I'll stick to the little shoes I saw
one night when 1 was all but done for—the
saloon keeper’s child holding out her foot
to her father to look at her fine new shoes.
It was a simple thing, but my friends, no
fist ever struck me such a blow as those
little new shoes. They kicked reason into
me. What reason hud I to clothe others
with fineries, and provide not even coarse
clothing for my own, but let them eo bare?
And there outside was my shivering wife,
and blue chilled child, ou a bitter cold
Christmas eve. I took hold of my little
one with a grip, and saw her feet! Men!
fathers! if the little shoes smote me, how
must the feet havesinote me! I put them
cold as ice, to my breast and they pierced
me through. Yes, the little feet walked!
right into my heart and away walked my j
selfishuess. I had a trifle of money left
I bought a loaf of bread aud then a pair
of shoes. I never tasted anything bnt a
bit of bread all tbe next, day; aud I went
to work like a man on Monday, and from
thut day I have spent no money at the
public houses. That's a 1 I’ve got to say
—it was the little shoes that did it.
Could there be a more powfal temperaue
lecture tbau this?
Seeking- to Cnth a Crab.
They tell a story of a would-be fun
ny broker who last season adopted a
most fiendish method of getting even
with one of the chronic flirts who arc
said to make the piazzas here lively
later in the seasoa. He obtained half
a dozen energetic crabs from the fish
ing beach, and, watching for an oppr-
tunily when no one was in a particular
tank, except the incon-istent. fair object
of bis vengence, he dropped in the
crusticans (way up term for crabs),
The young lady continued her natato
rial exercises (jam up for paddling) a
few minutes longer, when she suddenly
Uttered a blood-curdling shriek, and
was helped up the ladder with a crab
hanging on to her pink” little toe. She
had several consecutive epileptic fits
while the marine corn doctor was being
removed.
The Mephistophelean glee of the
broker, however, gave him away, and
for feat of some counter trick be de
cided to bathe early in the morning
thereafter. A few days after that the
bath-house keeper Was startled by some
terrific yel.s, and, hastily entering the
tank-house, he beheld the broker
flouudering out with a big, jagged tooth
ed spring rat-trap clenched on his
heel.
“Who the devil put this horrible
thing in the wattr ?” reared the broker.
‘ I did, sir,” sweetly replied the
crabbed young lady aforementioned,
stepping out of a bath-room. “I put
it there to catch those horrible crabs
you know.”
The broker went home on a crutch
—Ex.
Modern Arithmetic.
Six times seven girls are how many girls’
and what on earth are they good for? #■
A lady bought a bat for $12, a set friz
zes for $4. a pair of shoes for $5, and a
comb for $2. How much would all have
cost her if *he man hadn't told her that he
had qnite the trust system?
If a man retires to a room under the
window of which are eleven cats singing in
the moonlight, how many times will he
praise the Lord, and how much of tbe
furniture will be in the room next morn
ing?
If a young lady is sitting at a piano
playing and singing, “Who will care for
mother now?” while the old lady is bring
ing in wood from the alleyway, how much
will the young man that marries her save
the first five years of their married life?
If two women go into a dry goods store
and look at seventeen different kinds of
calico, nine kinds of silk, three kinds of
bombazine, eleven kinds of lawn, and then
wind up by buying a 5-cent spool of thread,
what sweet names will the clerk call them-
as soon as they are gone?
A man who gulps down a 5-cent glass
of beer and tells the saloon-keeper to
charge it, is obliged to pay a doctor $2 50
for cementing a crack in his skull, while
the saloonist is fined S3 for doing such a
cracking good business. How much
money was involved altogether, and how
much would have been saved if the beat
had waited nntil a candidate come along
and asked him to take something?
Idol Exaelly a .tliracle.
Richmond, Va., June 12.—A week
ago a colored boy named James Cole
man, pretended to be struck dumb im
mediately after praying to God to
paralyze his tongue. H« was a very
bad iiml unruly boy, a member of the
celebrated John Jasper’s church, out
of which he was expelled, after being
publicly whipped by order of the Court.
His condition has been the sensation of
Jasper’s church. During the past
week one hundred white aud black
people have visited the boy, and noth
ing could induce him to speak. The
negroes looked upon his condition as
an awful warning to all evil-doers, and
great excitement existed.
To-day Drs. Lee and Tabb visited
Coleman and subjected him to the in
fluence of chloroform in a mild degree
This had no effect. The doctors then
applied a valganic battery. As soon
as the battery commenced (o work,
Coleman faintly stammered, “Stop!”
Dr. Lee said, “You will have to do
better than this before we stop.” Cole
man could not stand it, and yelled,
“Please mass, stop; I can talk !”
The colored people do not like interfer
ence of the d)Ctors, declaring that
Providence had the in charge, and
that it was wrong for science to inter
fere. Tbe matter is talked of a great
deal among the negroes.
The Unusual Noise.
An Irishman had very bad luck in
his family. He lost three of his chil
dren by fever, aud going home one
night from his labor fouud bis wife
prostrated by spinal meningitis.
At work the folic wing morning a
fellow laborer and countryman asked
him how his family was faring.
‘ Och, very badly; very badly,
Moike. I’m havin’ the divil’s own
luck. Sure it’s only the few nays ago
1 lost uiy three children, and. baa luck
to me, what do you think but .-bin I
went home last night 1 found me nul'e
in bed with spinallo miningeetus.”
i-Ye’s did ?” said Mike, looking up
in amazement and anger. “And tell
me, Pat, didn’t ye kill the snoozing
Italian.”—El
Everybody in Austin avenue remarked
how miserable Col. Clary Hoskins looked
when he came down Austin avenue to get
his morning cocktail.
“YYhat’s tbe matter with you thi3 morn
ing?” asked bia friend, Jim Ratcliff.
“I didn't sleep well last night. Any
unnsuul noise wakes me up, and then 1
can't go to sleep again.” ~
“What was the unusual noise, Colonel?”
asked Jim Ratcliff.
“Well, you see. -my wife never scolds
during the day, bnt she houses all her re-
sentmert, like this stored resentment, and
at night she turns it loose. I'm so used
to it that it acts like a lullaby on me, and
I sleep like a top.”
“W'bat was it that disturbed you last
•Ight?”
“Well, you see, she began jawing away,
aDd I fell asleep. aDd would have slept till
morning if it hadn't been for the unusual
noise.”
“What was that unnsual noise that dis
turbed yon after yon got asleep ?”
“She quit talking,”—Texas SiftiDgs.
A Blind. Witness With Experi
ence.
In an assault and battery case be
fore a W r ayne county justice the other
day, the prosecution introduced a blind
man, who had to be led to the witness-
box.
“Is this a legal trial or a farce ?”
demanded the lawyer for the defense
as he sprang up.
“This is a legal trial,” replied the
other lawyer.
‘ And you want a blind man sworn
to tell what he saw, do you ?”
“^don’t claim that I saw the fight,”
replied the witness as he tu-ned around.
“Thm what do you know about it?”
“Well, sir, I’m going on the stand
to swear to what I heard. I’ve been
blind and lame and had corns and boils
for the last fourteen years, but when I
hear the splinte^fly from a rail fence
I don’t waut any eyes to tell me wheth
er the plaintiff hit the t<-p rail with
his head or feet! I heard the “ker-
chug” of the blow, and when tbe
plaintiff came down and hollered:
“Oh. lands, but I’in a licked man !” 1
knew by the way he hung his words
that he’d lost half his front teeth. I’m
ready, your Honor!”
A large nose is tbe sign of character.
If it has a turkey-red finish or a big
%nob oo tbe end, it is a sign that char
acter has gone on a protracted vacation.
From Onr Exchanges.
The wheat crop ot Kansas, this yesr, is
estimated at thirty million bushels
England still refuses to permit a man to
marry his deceased wife’s sister.
Congress has very materially “cut down
the bills” piesented by Garfield's butch-
era
Dr. J. Marrion Sims has received from
the king of Spain the decoration of the
order of Charles III.
More than 1,000 persons were killed and
wounded during the recent riot in Alex
andria, Egypt,
Russian Jews are still flocking to this
country by thousands. Mauy of them are
in abject poverty.
Mr. Thomas Haygood, of Upson coun
ty. has gathered 1,162 bnshels of oats
from 17 acres.
A negro iu Rhode Island has saed the
managers of a skating rink for refusing
him the privileges of the rink.
The chemois is the only autelope found
in Europe, and the baboon, on the rocks
of Gibraltar, tbe only quadtumana.
' -Egypt will soon be depopulated of for-
eighers, as they are leaving as fast ns
transportation can be secured.
An effort is being made in New York
to revive the old Know Nothing party,
that played out more than tweuty years
ago,
Cigar makets and printers are more
numerous in the lunatic asylums of New
York than men of any other trade or pro
fession.
Charles Gordon, of Shelby, Ala., is 76
years of age. aud proudly points to a cradle
full of twins, recently born, of which he is
the daddy,
A St. Lonis boy drank milk with a chew
of tobacco in bis mouth. The milk wash
ed the tobacco dowu his throat, aud there
was a funeral at his father's house.
During tbe last five years about thirty
persoos have been killed aud about seven
ty wounded, on the government side, in
the war with illicit distilliug.
Notwithstanding the recent stringent
legislation of Congress against polygamy,
the Mormons are emigrating from Europe
to this country in unusual large numbers
J’wo starving children have been dis
covered in Virginia, They had been aban
doned by their parents, and all the nour
ishment they bad had for many days was
roots and barks.
A Vermont man has been allowed SL-
OOO under the Arrears of Pensiou9 act, for
injuries received by falling off an army wag
on when he was so drunk that he could
not keep his seat.
A prominent Englishman was in the U.
S.-Congress, when an act appropriating
$100,000,000 was passed under a suspen
sion of the rules, wheu be exclaimed:
“My God! what a government!”
New Orleans has had one case of yellow
fever this season, but the authorities say
there is no danger of its spreading. This
assurance has always been given in post
years,
Guiteau, the lunatic, made, Arthur Pres
ident, who opened the treasure vault of
tbe nation to all the Radical thieves of
tbe land, and he was rewarded by an igno
minious death on the gibbet
Buffalo Bill has brought suit to recover
$4,000,000 worth of property in Cleveland,
and some one expresses the hope that, in
case he is successful, he will put-aside
twenty cents of it and get his hair cut.
Congressman Kelley, of Pennsylvania,
called Congressman White, of Kentucky,
a liar in the course of the proceedings in
the Hon3e. Tbe other retaliated by call
ing him a scoundrel. That’s right, gen
tlemen ! Get down to deaFng with facts.
Sheriff Weir has arrested 121 men for
voting without paying their taxes. Look
sharp. Oconee men and dont get cangbt in
some trap at our next election.—Oconee
Monitor. An inspection of tbe ballot
boxes in the various counties of tbe State
would show multitudes of illegal voters.
The father of a young girl in San Fran
cisco, who took Doison because her lover
proved fickle, while standing m the ceme
tery near tbe coffined remains of his daugh
ter, looked up and taw the young man
approaching, hat in hand. He instantly
drew a revolver and fired five shots at him.
Mrs. Christiancy is seeking for forgive
ness and reconciliation with her hnsband,
Senator Christiancy. After the great do
mestic scandal they hare created, it is
difficult to see how they can be reconciled,
but wheu a young aDd pretty womaD de
termines to control an old mao, she gen
erally is successful.
A 6on of tbe late President Tyler was
lately arrested in Washington for drunk
enness. “Although a poor, besotted crea
ture.” says a Syracuse Jdltnal correspon
dent, “be ia one of the most courtly and
polished meD, iu demeanor and conversa
tion, to be found in Washington. One
who has not seen him accept aD invitation
to take a driuk. and the air with which he
A Tramp’s Philosophy.
In the hip pocket of an old vagrant wda
a memorandum book full ot his own writ
ing with a pencil, and some of bis pbiloso-’
is good enough to be preserved. HiS
first paragraph reads:
“Drinking bail whisky because it is of
fered free is like gr!tii.g in the way of bul
lets purchased by au enemy.’,
A secoud reads:
“Honesty is the best policy, but some
folks ar° satisfied with the second beak
It is bard to be honest on an empty stom
ach.” .
“A dry plank under a rain-proof shed is
better than a feather bed in jail, and one
isn't annoyed by the jailer bringing in a
square breakfast.”
A fourth says:
“Pay us you go. If you haven’t any
thing to pay with, don’t go. If you aro
forced to 'go, record every indebtedness’
and let your heirs settle the bills.’'
The filth explains:
“We should have charity for all. When
winter win :s blow cold and drear we vagsf
should pity the poor lellows iu India who’
are having red hot weather.”
A sixth is recorded;
"Politeness costs nothing, bnt it is not
expected that yon will wake a man np at
midnight to ask permission to go through
his heu house. It is more courteous to let
him enjoy bis needed repose.”
The seventh and lust we noted-down at
follows:
‘When you pick np an apple core do
not find fault because it is not tbe apple
itself, but be satisfied with tbe grade of
desent. Do not be ashamed of your oc
cupation. We can not ail be lords, nor
can we all be vrgraut3. As I can not be
a lord, I should not lament at being a
vagrant. ) e truthful and outspoken—
that is. tell them you are a Chicago fire
suffered Keep seasonable hours, or some
other vag will get your plank first. Be
hopeful, cheerful and good natured.'
Growling won’t cure a sore heel,”—Phil-
delphia Times.
Only One Objection.
I have often heard the cse'of the term,
“I couldn't reach ; ’ often when it spemed
appropriate often when it seemed amnsing ;
but Dever to such good advantage as I did
the other evening. At a select party con
gregated in the spacious parlors of an up
town mansion were two conspicuous fig
ures—one an English inventor with a full,'
rounded Cockney expression of language,
the other a Chicago school girl on her
summer vacation visit. The young lady
was gifted with all the don’t-care-a guiu-
dropaliveness of tbe ordinary Chicago
creature. The Englishman, although au
iuventor, was very swell and select in bia
social methods. The twain were working
the piano, tho former playing something
cadenza, alfc the latter turning the music
sheets a la sndanle.
“Why,blast the thing, don’t yeouknow,’
I caun’t turn the leaves in armony,” said
orr inventor friend. “Now, tell me, ’off
is it, anyhow?”
Then the Chicago young laely explained
that she would nod her head when it
necessary to turn.
“I believe 1 will get up an h’inventlon
for turning music sheets,” lie said musingly.'
Neow, why couldn't you turn the leaves’
with your f. yeoukuow?”
“Well, there is only one objection,,’ said
the Chicago young lady blushiugly. “f
couldn't reach.”
If a St. Louis newspaper man had beenf
present he would never have missed such'
a splendid opportunity ol a fiendish para
graph on the suffering feet of Chicago 1
ladies —Cincinnati Commercial.
Kate Field says knee-breeches are
“not one whit less manly than thtf
hideous trousers of the period." Kate
should not sit down on our trousers ia
that epithetic manner. It is not right.
She says, “The Gaulish Britons and
other Celtic nations worejtrousers v^ry
full, and gathered at the ankles, Hke .
the present Highland Iruis.” PejO^ps
they did. We don’t deny it. Kate
was there at the time, hut we were net
boro until a few generations later.—Ex,*
A man on horseback, on a moon-light
night, near Dublin, Ga., felt a tremen
dous blow struck behind him, and hiff
horse fell over to die, leaving him
faoing an enormous, open-jawed aliga-
tor. He killed him by thrusting <
fence rail down its throat, and then
shooting it a dozen times with a revol-'
ver ; but it was subsequently found that
its tail had been broken by the bio*
which had given the horse, or the
man might not have woo tbe fight.
A news item says that a Sacrqg^pri
lady kisses all the tramps who calf at
her gate, for their motheA sake. She!
seems to have solved the tramp question.
Tramps never call at her gate the second
time. They prefer ten days in the
county jail
An exchange says “an absent-mind
ed Baltimorean took a bath in hie
pectacles and lost them.” We should
think he would. A pair of speclalee
makes a very poor batliing-tnb, and be
must have been a novel spectacle while
thus bathiog. Perhaps the glasses got
into his ear.
Emma Abbot is playing a mitigated
version of “Patience.” It contains
more hugging and kissing, and less
robing arouuu on the floor than the
original. As m “Faust” and other
operas, she introduces “Nearer, my
will take it, has never, seen a true Virgin- j <,0< L t° Thee,'’ when an encore is de-^
ia gentleman of the real old style.” i maoded.-
31
.. .
am
