Newspaper Page Text
lt Weekly Democrat.
Edllor an<l Prop r
(*. n l! ”’ fc ' -
r^rS’AV 24.1882.
OF siBscuimoy. *
.•.Un 01 ’ 1 100
[ ]|**ik*. 75
! 10
8 ' lvance -
linrrr.TisiNG rates and rules.
1, inserted at $2 per square
fciriiUni"". a "' 1 51 for euch subse '
f" ""rt is cizht solid lines of this type.
nude with contract adverti-
- 0 ,iees of ei-ht lines are $15 per
L or i'ftl per annum. Local no, > ce8
| *di»n three months are subject to
| '.gl fHt63. . , _
I 8 * t si lvr*rti=er« who desire their ad-
changed, must give us two
r'.’iveriisements, tinless othcr-
Krip.iUtt'l in contract, will be changed
L cents P« r sq ,,arc - . , .
F a . e ln | obituary notices, tributes of
»Vl other kindred notices, charged
I.iIkt advertisements.
rr^ most take the run of the
r we ,| 0 not contract to keep them
,jv particular place.
.Monncements for candidates arc $10, if
tforme insertion
Ml.srr due upon the nppearance of the
Liiscinent. and the money will be col-
|„.| .« needed by the prop riel oi.
lj bull adhere strictly to the above roles,
U *ili depart from them under uocircum-
SUECTORY,
City Officers-
K P.nsatll, Mayor.
H smart, Marshal; W. D. Lewis, Deputy
thtl; James IVttis, Police.
It Wardell, Gity Clerk.
L Harrell, City Treasurer,
j,l tr nn n M. O Neal, J. D. Harrell, M. Is.
}gjrtt U. Suashaum, H. 0. Curry, A. E.
County Officers*
iaton O’Nnil, Ordinary.
T. Wimberley, Clerk Superior Court.
|)i Currv, Ti i iisni er.
|L.F. liurki it.Sheriff; D. I’- Waters, Deputy,
nt'lliiaui I’oivi'H, Tax C’olllector.
Imiiiiishi Hriiiaon, Tax Receiver,
ommiasi nii r» I.. It. Jackson, Juo. R.
.wford, (i. 1’. Wood, J. J. Higdon, J. I*.
ienBuo.
Tost Office,
MAIL ARRIVES,
|rrom Savannan at Ha. m., and leaves at5:15
ji. ClaaeB at post office at4.30 p. m.
Ifnaii Co!i|0itt daily (except Sunday) 9. 30
tin. and leaven at 10, a. tu.
|FruunHtr»in Mill at 2 p. m. every Wcdnes-
V,tad Icarea 10 a. m. Tuesday and I ri-
mt.
[from AttapnlKiu 5 r>. m. Tuesday, Tlinrs-
r and Saturday aim leaves at 7 a. in., same
K-
Court Calender.
ALBANY CIRCUIT. ~
|L. r. Tl. Warren Judge.
[junto W. Wahei'g Solicitor General.
| litter- First Mond.iv in May and November.
ItWhonn- Second Monday in March and
■jitonils’r.
[iJi'Mlitr—Second and third Monday in May
y.i November.
Ill on-iior-ty—First, second and third Mon-
Vy iu April auJ October.
|liit(T.cli Fii.it Monday in March andfenrth
mnlav in NuveniDer.
[Worth- Fourth Monday in April and No-
nU-r.
Secret Societies-
oak lodge so. 22.—a. o. tl w.
JD.C. rar y, M. W.
I J. T. Winibcrley, Recorder. •
| Hn-tinea are held every 2nd ftid 4th Fri-
i uigtns in eaon Liouth."
|UXBUIDOE LODOE 1%'. 178.—AMEBCAN LEQIOS
OF IJOSOR.
I F. L. Babbit, Commander.
I J. E. Reynold*. Secretary.
IBjpUr meetings are held every 2nd and
jthTuiaday uigbts in each month.
fUSUMI LODGE NO. 1842.—KNIGHTS OF HONOR.
1II. 0. Curry, Dictator.
I F. M. Smith, Reporter.
I fbciiliir meetings are hold every' 1st and
pa Friday uiglits iu each mouth.
Church Directory*
. JlEriloDIST.
lU:v. T. T. CnRisui.AN Presiding Elder.
I iii v ' Himaioss Pastor in Charge
[Treadling every Sunday at 11 a. m. and 8 p.
K-gulai weekly prayer meetings Wednes-
hy evening at 8 p. ni.
Wdiy School, at 4 y. o'clock p. m.—J. E.
“loitnsuii, Superintendent.
, vnr.snvTF.iuAN.
I n • ‘F A. McKee, D.D Tastov.
1Preaching on the second, third and fourth
rttmays at 11 a. m. and 8 p. m. Regular
|m«y prayer meetings everv Thursday even-
p' »t 8 o'clock n. m. .
I isiu,lav >ebo(il at 8 o'clock a. m.—J. E.
rouaie.in, Superintendent.
TV. D. T ALBERT.
\VM. M. HARRELL.
TALBERT & HARRELL,
ilorneys and Councelers at Law,
BAINBRIDGE. GA.
|he above have formed a copartnership
'ter the firm name of Talbert A Harrell
the practice of law. Will practice in
the courts of the Albany»Circuit. Office
f f Barnett's store.
August 14.1882.
Banbridge Academy.
The above institution will begin ob the
51 Monday in August, the 28th. A full
1“ a'de corps of teachers will bt employ-
■>nd every endeavor made to give satis-
r'ivm. Patronage of citizens of Bain-
j 1 ‘S* *ud the surrounding country soiieit-
Tunion as heretofore.
He- pect fully,
J.b. S2, J. e Witherspoon.
AINB
BY BEN. E. RUSSELL. J
BUSINESS d- ERCtFES$IOSAL.
MEDICAL CARD.
Dr, M. J, Nicholson,
Has removed to Twilight, Miller coun
ty. Georgia. Office in J. S. Cliiton’s
re. ,.*• feb.9,’82.
MEDICAL CARD.
Dr. E. J. Morgan
Has removed his office to the drug store,
formerly occupied by Dr. Harrell. Resi-
dcnce on West street, south of Shotwell.
where calls at night will reach him.
CHARLES C. BUSH,
Attorney at Law
COLQUITT, GA.
Prompt attention given to all business en
trusted to me.
DENTISTRY.
J.C. Curry, D.D. S.,
Can he found daily at his office on South
Broad s*rce‘. up stairs, in E. Johnson’s
building, where he is ready to attend to the
wants of the public at reasonable rates.
dec-5-78
D’ MCU1LL, m. o’nkal
McGILL & O’NEAL.
Attorneys at Law.
BAINBltlDGE, GA.
Their office will be found over the post of
fice.
JNO, b. donalson,
BYRON B. BOWER.
BOWER & DONALSON,
Attorneys and Counsellers at Law.
Office in the court house. Will practice
in Decatur and adjoining counties, and
etsewhere by special contract. a-25 7
DOCTOR M. L. BATTLE,
Dentist.
Office over Hinds St^e, West side
coert lintose. Has fine demal engine, and
will have everything to make his office
first-class. Terms cash. Office hours 9
a. m, to 4 p. m. jan,13tf
DR. L. H. PEACOCK,
Respectfully tenders his professional serv
ices to the people of Haiti bridge and vicini
ty-
Office over store of J. T). Harrell & Bro
Residence on West end of Broughton
street, where he can be found at night.
April 6,1881—
Yellow Rust Proof Gats.
I have at Bainbridge 1200 bushels of fine
yellow rust proof seed oats lor sale, cleaned
by the best separator. Parties wishing to
plant the very best seed may find it to tiieir
interest to secure them nefore all are sold.
B. B. BOWER.
Bainbridge, Ga., Aug 10, 1882.—2m.
ALBERT WINTER,
Real Estate and Collecting Agent.
BAINBRIDGE, GEORGIA.
I will be glaJ to receive the patronage of
all who have properly to sell or rent, or
collecting to make. All business placed in
my hands will receive promp* attention. I
will lpok after wild lauds, investigate titles,
pay taxes and protect from tresspassers.
1 propose to make the collection of bad
claims a specialty. The worse the claim
the more attention I will give it.
Correspondence solicited.
Aug. 1, 1882.
KE3IOVXl,
Tins is to notify my friends, patrons and
e Pabli- generally, that I have removed
' Marne-'. Store iiext to F. L. Babbit's on
nth Broad street, where I hepc to receive
oiture. the congratulations and patron-
* m . v 'fiends. Thanking the public for
st favors, and hoping a continuance of
*jsame, 1 am Yours Respectfully,
J YCOB BORN.
5. 1S82.
Tan. 5
Macon
bill’ll
For special instruction in bookkeeping,
htnaiiship, business arithmetic, corres-
f^bdence, bill heading, telegraphy aud
^“eml business routine.
_ IffcKAY, - - PRNICIPAL.
^ °r terms, information* as to boarding
, apply • le principal. P. O. box
® i Mac*
•gia.
NOTICE.
GEORGIA. Miller ':ounty :
By order of the Judge of the Superior
Court of said county, I will sell, before
the court house door, of said county, be
tween the legal hours of sale, on the first
Tuesday in September next ; one half in
terest in the south half of lot ol land num
ber (5) five, in the (13) thirteenth district
of said county, for the purpose of rein
vestment in other lands. Terms cash.
D. D. Grimes,
Guardian of
jy.2G-’82. Bell Boid Grimes.
Decatur Sheriffs Sale.
GF.ORG1A—Decatui County;
Will be sold before the court house door
in the town of Bainbridge on the first Tues
day in September next between the usual
liuursof sale the following property to-wit:
Lots of land number 37 and 38 in the
fifteenth district of Decatur county, said
property given in by E. Ymram for the year
1881, to satisfy one Tax Fi Fa issued by
Tax Collector vs E. Amram lor unpaid fctate
and county taxes. Levy made and return
ed to me by a constable.
L. F. BURKETT,
Aug. 1, 1882. Sheriff.
Decatur Sheriff’s Sale.
GEORGIA—Decatur Comity :
Will be sold before the court house door
in the town of Bainbridge on the first Tues
day in September next between the usual
aoursof sale the following property to-wit :
One acre of land, more or less, in Decatur
county, bounded north by property of
11 C. Curry, east by property of Albert
Winter, south by the "Savannah, Florida &
Western Railroad, and west by property of
Mariah Crawford—levied on as the proper
ty of Margeret Williams to satisfy one Tax
fi fa issued by Tax Collector vs Margeret
Williams tor unpaid State and county taxes.
Levy made and returned by a constable.
L. F. Bcrkett.
• Aug. 1, 1882. Sheriff.
Decatur Sheriff’s Sale.
GEORGIA—Decatur County;
Will be s lid before the court house d oor
in the town of Bainbridge, during the
usual hours of sale, on the first Tuesday
in September next, the following propert.y
to-wit: .. -
fi-ij acres of lot no. 342 in the 15th dis
trict of Decatur County, boundod north by
Jack Wright’s land, on the south by Jerry
Bell’s land, the same being now occupied
bv Nick Ogletree, and levied on as the pro-
ertv of Nick Ogletree to satisfy one Justice
Court fi fa in favor of Patterson & McNair
for use of J. P. Dickenson vs Nick Ogletree,
said fi ffi now transferred to H. C. blurry
levy made and retnmed to me by a consta.
hie. L. F. BURKETT.
Aug. 1, 1882. Sherift
OBSKRV W1«.\S.
BAINBRIDUE, GA, THURSDAY, AUGUST 2^ $88
YOL. 11.—NO. 44.
BT Bftv. ryV* v '*-^
You may notch in in de palins as a mighty
reskv plan
To make yo’ jedgment by de clo’se day kivers
up de man;
For I hardly needs to tell ye how ye ofen
comes across
A fifty dolls’ saddle on a twenty dolla’ boss.
An* workin’ in de low-groun’s, you diskiver as
you go,
Dat dt fines’ shack may bide de meanest nub
bin in de row!
I think a man has got a mighty slender chace
for Heben,
Dat holds on to his piety but one day out ob
seben—
Dat talks about de sinners wid a heap of sol
emn chat,
An’ nebber drops a nickle in de missionary
bat;
Dat’s fo’mogt in de meetin’ house for raisin
all de chance,
Bat lays aside his ’ligion wid his Sunday pan
taloons 1
X nebber jedge o’ people dat I meets along de
way
By de places whar dey come from, an’ de
houses whar dey stay;
Because dc Bantam chicken’s fond o’ roostin’
purty high,
An’ de turkey buzzard sails above de eagle iu
de sky.
Dey ketches little minners in do middle ob de
sea.
Au’ you finds de smalles’ possum up d« big
gest kind o’ tree.
Hallsand'a.
“Whom I crown with love is royal;
Matters not her blood or birth ;
She is.queen, and I am loyal
To the noblest of the earth.
Neither place, nor wealth, nor title,
Lacks the man my friendship own ;
His distinction, true and vital,
Shines suprtme o’er crowns and thrones.
Where true love bestows its sweetness,
Where true friendship lays its hand,
Dwells all greatness, all completeness.
All the wealth of every land.
Man is greater than condition,
And where men himself bestows,
Ho begets and gives position
To the gentlest that he knows.
Letter from Climax.
Climax, Ga., Aug. 8,1882.
Mr. Editor :—Last Friday night we
had the pleasure of witnessing an exhibi
tion which occurred at the school house
generally known as the Jones School
House, being only a few hundred yards
from Oapt. Jones’ dwelling, aud about
four miles from Wbigham, south east.
The exhibition was managed by Miss
Ocy Pope, the experienced and efficient
teacher of the school, and she deserves
great credit for the systematic way in
which she performed her duties, both as
teacher and manager. The exercises were
commenced by speeches by tbe small boys
or the school, some of which were very Due
for such young speakers.
Mr. D. U. Hunt was then introduced; a
most eloquent and enthusiastic speaker.
His address was ou the benefit of educa
tion and was delivered in an able manuer
and very appropriate for the occasion. It
was short but to the point, showing the
necessity of educating the young, and the
miserable and wretched condition in which
they would be left without au education.
And if the parents of that coiumun ty will
only profit by Mr. Hunt’s able argument,
they will soon fiud their commuhity in a
most flourishing and prosperous condition.
Frof. CumSy was next introduced, and
delivered a very interesting discourse on
the poor boy of the land and rnusie. Prof.
Cumhy is a splendid musician and under
stands music thoroughly.
Next were compositions, and if we may
be allowed to judge by the able composi
tions written by tbe little girls, we can say
that tbe parents of that community have
already seen tbe great necessity of educat
ing their children.
Tableaux and commedys, which were
exceedingly well "acted, reflected great
credit on the worthy manager.
Mr. R. W. Cassels. of Tired Greek was
next, introduced to deliver the closing dis
course, which he did in an able aud admir
able manner; admonishing the people to
to let. the education of their sons and
daughters be their first and foremost aim.
After the exercises were over the young
people met and had soaie fine music and
singing. Prof. Cumby performing on the
organ and Mr. G. W. Logue on the violin.
The music over, we left the place, and on
our return stopped over and spent Satur
day in the beautiful little town of IVhigbatn.
The merchants here are receiving their fall
and winter goods. Dr. W. A. Davis, the
leading and enterprising young merchant
of the place, has on hand the largest stock
of goods that has ever been brought to
Wbigham. Mr. Jones, of Bainbridge. and
Mr. J.«B. Lasseter. of Wbigham. are also
opening a large Rtock ot dry goods here
which will add greatly to the advance
ment of Wbigham.
The crop prospects through this section
have greatly changed io tbe last two weeks.
The recem heavy and continued rains have
caused the cotton to rust and cast iu fruit.
It is now estimated that there vjll not be
more than a half crop of co ton made in
this section. The core, cane and potatoes
are very good. Observe*.
The Printer.
once paid the following
mte - to the toilers at the case:
“Tbe printer is tbe ajutaDt of thought,
and this explains the mystery of the won
derful word that can kiudle a hope.as no
song can—that can warm a heart as no
hope—that word “we,” with a hand-in-
hand warmth m it, for the author and
printer are engineers together, engineers
indeed! When the little Corsican bom-
ibarded Cadiz at the distance of five miles,
it was deemed the very triumph of 'engin
eering. But what is that range to this,
whereby they bombard ages yet to be?
There at the ’case’ he stands and marshals
into line the forces armed for truth, cloth
ed iu immortality and English. And what
can be nobler than the equipment of a
thought iu sterling Saxon—Saxon with
the ring of spear on shield thereon, and
that commissioning it when we are dead,
to move gradually on to the ‘latest sylable
of recorded time.’ This is to win a victory
from death, for this has no dying in it.
The printer is called a laborer, and the
office he performs, toil. Oh, it is not work,
but a sublime rite that he is performing,
when he thus sights the etigiue that is to
fling a worded truth in grander curve than
missile e’er before described—fling into
the bosom of an age yet unborn. He
throws off his coat indeed ; we but won
der, the rather that that he does not put
his shoes from off his feet, for the place
whereon he s’ands is holy ground. A
little song was uttered somewhere, long
ago—it wandered throughtthe twiiigh fee
bler than a star—it died upon the ear.
Bnt the printer caught it up where it was
lying there in silence like a wounded bird,
and he equips it anew with wings, and he
sends it forth from the ark that had pre
served it, and it flies into the future with
the olive branch oi peace, and around the
world with melody, like the dawming of a
spring morning. How the types have
built up the broken arches iu the bridge
of time. How they render the brave ut
terances beyond the pilgrims audible
and eloquent—hardly fettering the free
spirit but moving—not a word, not a syla
ble lost iu the whirl of the world—moving
in connected paragnph and period, down
the lengthening line of years. Some men
find poetry, but they do not look for it as
some men do in nuggets of goid ; they see
it iu nature’s own handwriting, that so
few know bow to read, and they render it
into English. Such are poems for a twi
light hour and a nook in the heart; we
may lie under the trees when we read
them, and watch the gloaming, and see
Understand ins Miens Nfatures.
About mid afternoon yesterday a
citizen who pulls down the acales at
196 pounds descended the first flight of
stairs beyond the post-office in just the
same manuer that a bag of oats would
have chosen, and when he brought up
at the foot he was in no frame of mind
to chip in anything for the heathen in
Afrioa. The first citizen who arrived
on tho spot knew what his duty re
quired of him on such an occasion, and
he smilingly remarked;
‘I don’t bslicve you can improve on
the old way !’
The second citizen passing was in a
hurry ; but he knew that he ninst halt
and inquire:
‘Like that any better coming down
than the way the rest of us do V
The third citizen had business at the
post-office, but he turned aside, cleared
his throat, and remarked :
‘Evidently fell down staire ?—Curious
how it sets the blood tJ circulating!
Some of you had better Bee if his nose
is broken—good-bye V
There was a fourth spectator, and he
slowly entered the doorway, bent over
the victim, and remarked ;
‘I’d have given a dollar to see him
come down ! He’s one of the sort who
bump every stair!’
The fifth man was about to add his
mite when the victim rose up. Hi9
elbows were skinned, his nose barked,
his coat toru and his back sand-papered
the whole length, but he was a man
who had traveled. He knew that every
body in the crowd was hoping to see him
juuip up and down shake his fists, and
paw the air, and to hear him declare
lie would lick all the men who could be
packed in a ten acre lot, and therefore
he brought a sweet smile to his face,
lifted his hat like a perfect gentleman,
and limped up stairs with the bland re
mark : *
‘Stubbed my toe as I came in the door,
you know, and came near falling in a
heap.’—Detroit tree Press.
WIT A.\U HU.HOB.
Glad to Meet a Gentleman.
‘May I open the window for yon,
Miss V politely inquired a gentleman
of a young lady on the Northern Pacific
road, as he saw her tugging at a sash
the laces iu the clouds, in the pauses; we that had not yet recovered from the re
may read them when the winter coals are j cedin" winter.
glowing, and the volume may slip from the
forgetful hand, and still, like evening bells,
the melodious thoughts will ling on.
List of Jurors.
Grand Jurors, drawn by the Jury Com-
missioncis to serve as such at November
Term, 1882—2ud Monday in November:
Michael Swicord, G E McGriff, L F
Patterson, P H Herring. G W English, T
A Barrow, Jessee N Maxwell. Isaac Wil
liams, L M Griffin, Joseph L Sunday, J K
Cunningham, J R Brock, S A Smith, Jno
Earnest, P G Brinson, G L Harrell, D P
Harris, J B Wight, T M McNair, D B
Curry, Jno Nharon. J R Graves, JT Wim
berly, A Coak, T R Wardell, Abner Av-
riett, -Martin Harrell, Absalum Brown, E
M Smallwood. J T Roberts.
Travers Jurors for 1st week 2nd Monday
in November:
C W Chestnut, J RBrumley, C C Wal
den, A J Porter, J P Harrell, J R Golsen,
Jas Little, John M Daughtery, Abram
Brock, E S Law, Alfred Godwin, C D
Brock, D P Hinson, John Rehburg, Jno
K Pullen, Geo F Norton, W S A J Cox,
E M D Littlefield, J B Guyton, R M Wil
liams, W C Gibson, T S Cooper, J Born,
J F Darsey. Jas W Smith, It II Mathis,
J E Thursby, B G Chastain, N D Per
kins, Anthony Palmer, D L Bryant, Z T
Booth, Jno W Gainous, J H Ezell, T W
Dollar.
Second week, 3rd Monday in Novem
ber:
E J6 McNair, J J Nbivory, H F Ar-
line. H A Lashiey, H B Cliett, W W
Botts. W J Griner, W J Parker, W L
Williams. Wm Mobley, A H Deekle,
Ellas Jones, W B Bell, Enora Bryant, J
L Wilkes, Alfred Moore, A S Cox, J M
Hornsby, E E Barber, James M Whig-
ham, W M Dollar, M J Connell, WI
Andrews. Loaey Harrell. E J Martih,
Preston Gause. T P Powell, Emmerson
Faircloth, J F Cox, J* H Hornsby, J II
Gray, J M FreemaD, D J Williams. Samp
son Harrell Aaron Long, J 1’ Hatcher.
A commercial traveler, who is some
thing of a wag. thus relates his expe
rience : He and his companions were
the sole occupants of the smoking car.
They tried to converse, but the road
was so rough they were pitched from
sidd to side like a ship’s passengers.
She glanced at him a moment and
then gave a reluctant consent.
‘Folks can’t be too careful who they
accept favors from,’ she remarked, after
a bug pause.
That is very true,’ replied the gen
tleman, quietly.
‘Are you a Boston drummer V
‘No, I am not.’
‘A hotel clerk V
‘No, not a hotel Merk,’
‘I am glad o F that,’ said she; I never
let a drummer or hotel clerk speak to
me. Maybe you’re an actor V
‘No, not an actor.’
‘That’s first-class!’ she exclaimed,
showing her dimples and becoming
more and more confidential. If an actor
should speak to me I’d die. What is
your business ?’
‘I am-a barkeeper, and am traveling
West to get a Territorial divorce from
my wife,’ explained the gentleman.
‘Oh, I’m so glad,’ giggled the girl.
‘Reach down my eatehel ; there’s a
bottle of whiskey and a pack of cards
in it. I’ll play you an odd game of
California Jack for 35 a corner. I like
to meet a geetleman, and I know one
when I meet him. Please ask that
bald-headed duffer across there if he’s
got a cork-screw.’—Ex.
Conversation turned on a late marri
age between December and May, some
of the gentlemen poohoohtng the match.
But the lady stoutly champiencd the
frostbitten Benedict. ‘Why,’ said she,
‘every man ought to keep himself mar
ried as long as he lives. Now, here’s
my husband ! What would he be good
for without a wife ? If I should die to
night he would get another wife to
morrow, 1 hope. Wouldn’t you,
Josiah ?’ Josiah breathed heavily and
seemed to sum up the connubial tor
ments of a lifetime in his calm response ;
‘No. my dear, I think I should take a
rest!’
Judge Miller, of Gainesville, has in
, , , , his possession a blue glass pint flask
At last they were able to make each , , , , , .. -
J i over one hundred years old wli.cn it is
other understood. One said, Dau, tbe i
the old thing is running smoother.’ To
which Dan replied : ‘Yes I guess she
has got off the track.’
several pulls at its contents duing the
days that tried men’s souls.
Some men cannot stand prosperity.
Others never get a chance to try.
As a rule of conduct, bonesty is the
best policy, has given way to steal only
large amounts.
‘I said in my wrath,’ remarked the
inspired writer, ‘all men are liars. That
was rash. I will reconsider it and say
that all men who catch trout are liars.’
The American Poultry Adviser is the
name of a New journal that comes to us
this week. We hope it will advise the
ponltry in this vicinity to lay fresher
eggs.
A woman does not care so much
whether her costume is warm in winter
or cool in summer. All that she re
quires is that it shall look warm in the
one case and look cool in the other.
‘Jonnie, don’t stand there scratching
your head ; stir your stumps or you’ll
never make any progress in life.’ ‘Why,
father, I have heard you say the only
way to get along in this world was to
scratch ahead.
The most marvelous dental achieve
ment bas just transpired with a Brook
lyn dentist, wherein a lady has not
spoken for six months. Through mis
take he got hold of her tooth and pull
ed her voice out.
‘When a man sits down,’ said an elo
quent Buffalo counsellor in summing up
a case, ‘to eat dinner in the bosom of
his family,’—‘That is a curious proceed
ing for a full grown man,’ remarked
his opponent.
A Canadian couple, en route to
Dakota to settle, weighed six hundred
and fourteen* pounds—the man three
hundred and ten pounds and the wife
three hundred and four pounds. Let us
hope they will be careful what they set
tle on.
Smiling young lady enters elevated
railroad car; every seat is full; an old
gentleman gits up. ‘Oh, don’t rise,’
sajs the lovely girl, ‘I can just as well
stand.’ ‘You can do just as you please
about that, Miss,’ says the old geut>
‘but I am going to get out.’
The peculiar costume of the dwellers
in Arizona is thus gtaphically described
by a ‘tender-foot‘In ordinary weath
er he wears a belt with pistols in it.
When it grows chilly he puts on anoth~
belt with pistols tu it, and when it be
comes really cold he throws a Winches
ter rifle over his shoulders.’
A young man on a tram was making
fun of a lady’s hat to an elderly gen
tleman in the seat with him. ‘Yes,’
said his seat-mate, ‘that’s my wife, and
I told her,that if she wore that bonnet
some fool wonld make fun of it.’ Tho
young man slid out,
‘See here !’ yelled the farmer to the
city chap who had just fired into a flock
of ducks on the pond back of the'house,
those are domestic ducks, sir.’ ‘Can’t
help it, sir, if they are,’ answered the
city chap, calmly loading; they’re just
as good for my purpose, exactly.'
A girl shouldn’t wear a black belt
about her waist when she’s got a white
dress on and is walking with a young
man in the night time. It makes it
appear from a near view as if her fellow
had his arm around her waist.
‘Is that a Tonado ?’ inquired a gen
tleman of a friend in New York as they
sat in the library smoking their after
dinner cigar. ‘Well, not exactly,’ re
plied the host as the roaring increased
in fnry; “that is only my wife speak
ing to the girl for not telling you to
wipe your feet before you came into the
parlor.’
‘Jim, lemtne a quarter till Saturday
night.’ ‘By George, Bill, 1 can’t do it,
with things looking as they are in the
East. Eyptain; troubles and the inter
ference with the navigation of the Suez
canal is shakin the confidence in all
classes of securities, I see. and I ain’t
goin’ to make no more investments un
til this war cloud blows over and the
crop prospects is a looking a little bet
ter.'
As some lady visitors were going
through a penitentiary nnder the escort
of s superintendent, they come to a
room in which three women were sew
ing. ‘Dear me!’ one of tbe visitors
whimpered, ‘what vicious looking crea
tures! Pray, what are they here for V
Because they have no other home; this
is my sitting-Toom and th*v are my wife
and two daughters,’ blandly answered
the superintendent.
The Lore Bag.
A California physician who discover
ed a new disease—love madness—haff
been experimenting with the persons
afflicted therewith aud has produced
the ‘love parasite,’or bacillus micrcccua.
This he cultivated up to tbe twentieth
generation, and with the parasites of
that generation he inoculated a number
of subjects. Tho inoculation was in
variably successful, symptioms of the
disease appearing in a very short time
after the operation. A bachelor, aged
50 years, on the first day after inocula
tion had his whiskers dyed, ordered a
new suit of clothes and a set of falso
teeth, bought a top baggy, a bottle of
hair restorer, a diamond ring and a
guitar, and began reading byron’s
poems. The inoculation produced
symptoms of the same nature in a young
lady of 45. She spent S5 at a drug
store for ■cosmetics, bought a lot of new
hair and a croquet set, sang ‘Empty is
the Cradle,’ sent out invitations for a
party, and complained that the young
men do not go into society. An inoculats
ed youth of 17, employed in # country
store, did np a gallon of molasses in a
paper bag, and also in a fit of absent-
mindedness, put the cat in the butter
tub and threw some fresh butter out of
the window. Finally he sat in a basket
of eggs while looking at the photograph
of a pretty girl and was discharged for
his carelessness. The Chico doctor
is still eperimentingi and will soon lay
the results of his obseavation beforo thef
medical world.—Ex.
Thought*.
Good thonghts not put into action are
like good seeds thrown into the fire.
How absurd to be afraid of death when
we are in the habit of rehearsing it every
night.
All passions are good when one masters
them ; all are bad when one is a slave ttf
them.
Cowardice, asks,i3 it safe ? Expedience
asks, is it politic ? Vanity asks, is it pop-'
ular ? But conscience asks, is it right ?
Not the perversities of others, not their
sins of commission or omission, but hie
own misdeeds and negligence, sould *
sage take notice of.
It is a mark ol a low nature to see a
man regard mouey *3 an end, and not a
means and finds his chief delight in gloat-’
ing over his gains.
Unless a man can link his written
thoughts with *he everlasting wants of
men, so that they shall draw from them aff
from wells, there is no more immortality
to the thoughts aud feelings of the soul
than to the muscles and the bones.
Mach of our trouble comes from discon
tent with the allotments of Providence.
The meek shall iuherit the earth- They’
may not own one inch of its soil, yet the
earth is theirs, because meekness saves us
from a murmuring disposition and brings
rest into the heart. All that the earth
has to give of enduring value, the meek
have and enjoy. Rest in the Lord, in his
promises and goodness, and then all things
shall work together for good.
An Eye Wholly to Bn nines*.
A stranger, who had been making
some purchases in Moses Schaumburg’s
emporium on Austin avenue left an um
brella iu the store wberenpon one of
the clerks, who bad only been in the
sture a few days, picked up the umbrella,
and was about to run after the stranger
and return it to him.
‘Let me see dot umprella' said MoieSy
whereupon it was handed to him.
‘Py shiuiminy gracious, dot vasa silfc
nmprella. Chust put-dot away pehiuti
da calicos, vere nobody will stumble
over it and preak Irig-flaqk.*
‘But I want to give it back to ther
onwer,” remonstrated the clerk.
‘Mine Godt, does yon vant to make »
stranger susbect dot Austin merchants
have got no pisness cabacity. If you
gives him dot nmprella pack he would
lose all confidence io pishuess cabacity<
—Texas Siftings.
Fapcy, Facts and Fignrc*.
Aprons first worn by Eve, 1.
Bicycle first used by ixion' 201.
Shampooning introduced by PtrbaroeaSy
1222.
Quail on toast first served by the Israel
ites, 65.
Free lunches introduced by Josep into
Egypt, B. C. 490.
Bricks first worn in the hat by Noah,-
B. C. 2000.
Weather prophets invented by Aan*-'
mas, B. C. 300.
Firet great moral show started by
Noah, B. C. 5000.
Gin cocktails invented by Confacions iff
Cochin China. B. C. 600.
Circulation discovered by Harvey 154Q/
Lied about by editors ever since.
Some men, and boys also, are so smart
as to think they can dispense with hon
esty. Such usually overreach them
selves, as did the boy referred to here:
A youngster was sent to by his parent
to take a letter to the posloffice aud pay
the postage on it. The boy returned
highly elated, and said, ‘Father, I seed
a lot of men putting letters in a little
place •, and, when do one was looking/
1 slipped yours in for nothing.*
